Latest / The Kink Consultant / Ep 31 - What Really Happens at a Sex Party? This Couple Talks About Sex Parties, Kink and Porn Addiction Part 1

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Ep 31 - What Really Happens at a Sex Party? This Couple Talks About Sex Parties, Kink and Porn Addiction Part 1 · The Kink Consultant

• 0:08
  It's the King Consultant podcast where we're turning up the heat
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  on all things kink and dating, relationships and pop culture.
• 0:14
  So close the door, plugging your headphones and let's get down to
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  it. Hey everyone, and welcome to
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  this weeks episode of The King Consultant.
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  I am delighted, excited, titillated to have my guests
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  this week in person. Derek and Candace welcome.
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  Thank you. Thanks for.
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  Having us, yes. Who, out of the three of us,
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  would like to share how we met? So we met a hot wife party.
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  Yeah, in Vegas. You were talking to this other
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  couple and the men left and I was like, this is my moment and
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  I walked up to Candace and began to just obsess over her entire
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  outfit starting from. Over me with.
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  From the collar to the corset. And then I like stepped back and
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  took in the whole thing. Then Derek showed up.
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  So it was mostly about me. Yeah, yeah.
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  I was like, I was like, that was my moment to slip in.
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  I and already I was like the other couple was fine, right?
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  But then totally great, right. And I was like, the stigma is
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  you go and there's like a lot of single men there with couples.
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  So we were kind of expecting, OK, we might find a single man,
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  but then we ended up finding you and we're like, all right, like,
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  I'm definitely into this. I mean, we were totally all each
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  other's vibe for sure. Yeah, yeah.
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  And it was. I remember walking out of the
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  bathroom, I opened the door and I saw you 2 talking and I was
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  like, oh this is great, this is good.
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  It was, I was, like, delighted because then I had seen you
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  earlier, but Candace's outfit, like, that's what I had really
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  seen, yeah. Every time we go out, I try to
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  wear something. Try to do something different.
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  Different, but still very sexy. Oh, mission accomplished for.
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  Sure. So I meet you at this hot wife
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  party. I've been to a lot of these
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  parties in different cities. I like this one because it's not
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  so exclusive. No one shows up, but they do
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  make you put a picture up there and say like, hey, this is me.
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  So we know that whoever shows up is being vetted.
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  When you get there, you have to show your ID to make sure you
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  are who you say you are. I felt really safe because I
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  showed up as a totally single woman.
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  Yeah. That was actually like I noticed
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  when you walked in because I was like, oh, a single woman.
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  Like I was not expecting to see that here.
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  And then I was like, the ball's on her.
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  It's not like you're a single woman and you showed up with a
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  group of friends or anything. Or, you know, you see that
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  sometimes you just say by yourself.
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  And I was like, oh, wow. So I thought that was really.
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  Cool. I obviously have no problem
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  talking to people, right? Because like before they came up
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  to you, I was talking to a bunch of different couples, you know?
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  And then I was like, I found my mark.
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  I got. It gotta.
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  Get her took the moment and wanted to you and it was just a
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  great night. We went back like I was telling
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  you earlier, and it just wasn't. It wasn't the same.
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  Because it is the people who make it.
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  It's definitely the people we had separated and walked around
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  because it was my first time there.
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  Was it your first time? That was our first.
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  Time, yeah, so. You know, I spent a while
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  looking at it and should we try this?
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  Should we not? Because at Playhouse on a
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  regular night, you have to like be a member of Playhouse to go.
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  So it's a little bit different and they have like a board there
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  that will approve whether or not you can be a member.
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  So you kind of go through like this like a very different
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  vetting process then for the party that we went.
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  For oh, you are teaching me something new.
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  Yeah, so I'm not trying to give like any free advertisement
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  here, but the Hot Wife party is hosted by Front Porch Swingers,
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  OK? So you have to sign up with
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  Front Porch Swingers or with Playhouse, right?
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  I'm pretty sure it was Playhouse.
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  I bought a membership and then picked a party to go to.
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  OK and was annoyed that I had to pay money to go to the party.
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  Yeah, after buying the membership.
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  So I'm pretty sure that I was paying tons of money to
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  different people for, but I'm glad to be a member.
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  Yeah, we signed up with Front Porch Swingers because I wasn't
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  sure about the Playhouse vetting process.
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  We wanted to like check it out. Check it out.
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  Yeah, so we did it that way. And yeah, it was a good, good
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  experience the first time. The second time, I mean, it was
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  still a good experience. Or just what?
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  We didn't have as much fun. Yeah, because it's a safe
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  environment I love. My favorite part about the whole
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  thing is one of the only reasons I think we were able to talk is
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  Playhouse has this rule. I don't know if it's front porch
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  swingers, but two hours of socializing so you can get there
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  anytime between let's say 8 and 10.
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  I think that was the timeframe for us.
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  I showed up at like 9:15 because I'm like I'm not talking for a
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  full 2 hours. We got there a little after 8
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  because we went for drinks at Resorts World. 1st I showed up
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  stone cold sober because I drove myself there.
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  I drove myself. I was like, I also just like to
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  be clear headed when you're alone so that yes, no easier as
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  a pair and fun to go for drinks. But I was like, I'm going alone.
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  Let me just bring in. Yeah, I'll be sober for this
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  one. OK, so for two hours.
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  So then you have to socialize. You need to make at least one
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  friend, otherwise you're literally just sitting there by
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  yourself. That part's.
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  Weird. That's what people do though.
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  You see people wandering around by themselves.
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  It's weird. Well, my thing is, if you can't
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  talk to me, you can't have sex with me at a sex party like.
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  We have two extremes. We either like don't want to
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  know your name or I get that. It's just like, get over here or
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  we want to feel like we may have been connected.
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  With Yeah. There's no end between, right?
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  I totally get that. No, And I like that too.
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  I like that. I'm more for like I want to get
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  to know the person because I feel like you have more fun when
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  you are kind of, I don't know, yeah, have a have like some kind
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  of connection, right. We knew each other's names, but
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  we also had some anonymity going in to a certain extent.
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  So I'm going to tell it from my perspective.
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  We're talking, but then the play rooms open and we all just go
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  ourselves for ways to explore, right?
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  And I'm like, I'm going to let the couple do their thing.
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  I'll just like go off and check out different rooms and we sort
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  of pass each other, would weave past each other back and forth.
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  Then I sort of clung on. Remember I joined you as we
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  wanted to go look at the glory hole and see if anyone was
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  enjoying the glory hole but we kept missing.
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  There are some like hopefuls lined up, but I think she
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  finished with her man and then they left.
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  Oh. We're all kind of waiting to see
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  you. Crushing for the guys in line.
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  So, but I was like, OK, well, that's the glory hole.
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  And then I remember you Candace saying I want to go have sex on
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  the big bed and I couldn't say it fast enough.
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  I said go for it. So you go and there's another
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  couple there. So I'm super excited and I
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  follow you. I follow behind you as you go
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  into this big room. Yeah, like for everyone.
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  Listening who has never been to a sex party and might want to go
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  or wants to understand how did you end up where you ended up?
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  Well, we really wanted to just see what the rooms were looking
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  like because we were talking, right.
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  So like we wanted to go see what everyone was doing and that
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  couple that was there before was still there they were going out
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  for. Like an hour or two beginning,
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  yeah. So as soon as the rooms open,
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  they were the first couple on that bed.
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  On the stage bed. And I remember standing there
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  and we were watching for a little bit.
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  And the guy was fucking another girl and she was calling over
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  another Dick. She's like somebody bring a Dick
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  to me or who's? Got a hard Dick as I was saying,
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  who's got a hard cock for my mouth or something like that to?
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  Say that doesn't happen in a lot, no.
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  It does not. And there was guys who had their
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  Dicks out, like waiting to be called over.
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  Yeah. So one of the guys went over.
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  So we watched that for a little bit, then walked around and
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  that's where we bumped into each other again and said we were
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  gonna go back there and play on that bed.
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  And I am a big exhibitionist, so.
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  I was. Decided to just do it.
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  Put a show. On it, well, we usually like to
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  like kind of get warmed up first.
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  We don't like to be the first ones in there.
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  We like to kind of watch first and then kind of get ready.
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  You don't want to be Well, I don't, right?
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  I don't want to be the person at the sex party who makes everyone
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  gasp, you know, like you want. The warmed up I was waiting for.
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  You to be out there? Yeah.
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  So, yeah. So we went back in there and we
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  went over to the bed and we just asked, you know, is it OK if we
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  play next to you? Right.
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  That's usually how we ask, usually how we approach people.
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  And that couple was really cool. They're like, they kind of were
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  like, oh, we thought you'd never ask, you know, because we were
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  kind of standing there for a minute and they're like, yeah,
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  yeah, come over and sort of like, OK, cool.
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  And that was. Pretty.
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  I'm still clung on at this stage anyway.
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  Like clung on. Like I like walk up next to them
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  as they undress. Yes, there's a bench there and
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  you sit right down on the bench. There are like a few awkward
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  parts in a night when you're going to an event like this,
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  right? Yeah.
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  Awkward Part number 1 is when you get undressed.
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  It's not like a movie where like, it's not passionate.
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  You're not ripping each other's clothes off.
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  It's. Your jeans catch on your socks.
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  Exactly, Yeah. The Candace was wearing.
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  And then like you were kind of playing it off like, oh, I'm not
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  gonna, I'm not gonna play tonight.
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  I'm not gonna play tonight. Cuz cuz, I think, cuz I think we
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  were kind of asking like, well, do you if you want to sit on the
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  bed, you can. And you're like, no, I'll sit
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  here. I'll sit on the bench.
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  We're like, OK, cool. You know, whatever you want to
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  do. And then what?
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  It was about 10 minutes in. You're like.
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  No. I don't think she made it 10
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  minutes. Yeah, I was gonna say I don't
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  remember her denying sitting in the middle of the bed.
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  From the first couple on the bed set, even though you can at
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  least come cuddle. Yeah.
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  And I had no argument for that. I was like, you're right.
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  You're right, I'm. Welcomed into the middle of the
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  bed and I really didn't think about what I was doing.
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  I was like, oh, closer to the action.
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  I'm about to see angles that I don't see regularly.
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  So I got in the middle of the bed fully clothed because I was
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  wearing a dress, no lingerie. I was not prepared.
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  I came to not play. So I wore a sexy dress, no
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  lingerie. There were no layers.
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  Yes, to take off. I was either clothed or not.
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  Well, which actually kind of works out good.
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  We always go back and forth, you know, cuz Candace always dresses
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  in layers. Usually a dress, lingerie and
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  then nothing. Panic.
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  Yeah, yeah. But when you're doing that,
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  there's a lot to take off or put on afterwards.
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  I was on or. I was like.
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  Yeah. On or off, Right dressed, slip
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  on, slip off. And that's it.
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  Yeah. But like I was not planning to.
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  But when I was invited into the middle of this bed and I had a
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  couple to my left, both of you, a couple to my right, couple
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  whose names I'll never know, like, and she's sucking on his
• 10:18
  Dick hardcore for hours like I have TMJ.
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  So I watched. I'm just thinking how like this
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  is impressive jaw work. I'm more impressed with her jaw
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  than me. Anything else.
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  And then action starts on my left.
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  What's going through your head? Again, this is all about me,
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  right? I'm.
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  Like. Is it How can I give the
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  audience the best view? Yes.
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  So I always flip Derek with his head towards so if I'm sucking
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  Dick, they can watch me suck the Dick instead of me having my ass
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  in the air, right. Like I like to perform.
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  And so I'm always kind of thinking about the angle of the
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  audience smart because that's hot for me.
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  Like that's. What you also then look up and
• 11:00
  out at the. Yeah, yeah.
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  Yeah, like, OK, I'm putting on a good show.
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  That's what I. Watch this show, that's what I
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  really like is like to give a good show.
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  So, so I think I usually start off as like, I'm just here for
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  you to use me, like put on a show, yeah.
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  Do what I'll lay here. And I'll lay here or if you want
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  me on top, just tell me what position you want me in and go
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  to town. I.
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  Am pretty sure I heard you say. How you want me?
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  That's exactly, yeah. Candace really was like head
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  there and I'm like my head's at the opposite end.
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  So at multiple times we're looking at each other, Eric, and
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  I'm looking at Candace from the behind and I'm like, can I
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  touch? And you say yes.
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  And I rubbed the softest skin I've ever.
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  Done. Thank you it.
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  Is she's got beautiful skin. So so nice.
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  Thank. You, I know I get embarrassed
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  because then you start touching me and I'm like, he's thinking I
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  want to touch me like velvet and sandpaper.
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  No, your skin was very nice as one.
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  I always try to play it cool but I'm not good at it so I'm either
• 12:01
  skin. Was very nice as well.
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  So you put the lotion in the fat?
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  I try so hard to put to play it cool and I'm not great at it.
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  So I loved that we were making eye contact while she was
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  sucking my Dick. I love making eye contact with
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  people while stuff is happening. It's like the juxtaposition of
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  Candace gets to look out and see this like semi circle of men,
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  like an amphitheater almost of men watching us.
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  You and I are making eye contact.
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  I'm also seeing the amphitheater of men.
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  And then I have Dick sucking. Yeah, it's nice how those
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  things. Stand.
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  That was. Yeah, that was such a great
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  weekend for us. And it was so.
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  Spontaneous too. Like that's what I love about
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  it. It was, well, yeah, an hour.
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  Perfect. Yeah, that's the perfect.
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  It's crazy. So it was because when you said
• 12:49
  that comment about like, I'm never gonna know this couple's
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  name. So we've had a few experiences
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  now. That was a really great weekend
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  for us. We had some other experiences
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  that weekend at other parties. I know.
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  So we're on. Yeah, we were.
• 13:00
  We were having. A great fucking weekend,
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  literally. But I like joked with her
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  recently. I was like, we've been together
• 13:06
  for 11 years this year, married eight this year.
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  Up until the past 12 months, it's just been the two of us.
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  We're still fairly new to this, so we've only been doing this
• 13:16
  for like a year. So it's been.
• 13:18
  We had a crazy weekend. 11 years since I've even like touched
• 13:23
  another person or had another person touch me and so I was.
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  In the past 12 months I've had more people suck my Dick that I
• 13:29
  don't even know their names. This brings us to the part of
• 13:32
  the podcast where when I started to hear your story I was like,
• 13:36
  wait what? Yes, it's my very open minded
• 13:39
  self could not comprehend the story of Derek and Candace.
• 13:43
  Yes. Let us begin right, OK, How did
• 13:46
  you 2 meet? Online.
• 13:47
  We met online, we met on Plenty of Fish.
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  I had just moved to a new city. I was working a lot.
• 13:53
  I didn't have time to actually like go out and meet people or
• 13:56
  go do stuff. But I still wanted to, you know,
• 13:58
  try and make friends or. Still want to fuck?
• 14:02
  Yeah, I still wanted to, you know, if I found something.
• 14:04
  There's an irony in that statement.
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  He just wanted to fuck and he meets me.
• 14:09
  Just tell us about your experience.
• 14:11
  Level. Oh, so I was a virgin when I met
• 14:15
  Derek. And were you looking to change
• 14:17
  that? Not necessarily.
• 14:19
  I hadn't met anyone like him before, so I was kind of open to
• 14:24
  it. OK, what were you on?
• 14:26
  Plenty of fish to find. I was to find someone to date
• 14:30
  eventually to marry and but I was kind of in the same boat as
• 14:34
  he was. I was kind of on there to just
• 14:36
  date around. I wasn't necessarily serious
• 14:38
  about it, but your. Dating was one of you was
• 14:42
  looking for friends, the other was looking for a potential
• 14:44
  partner, Yes. So marriage minded lady, yes.
• 14:47
  Correct, correct. And then how would I describe
• 14:50
  Derek? I would say I was how I describe
• 14:55
  myself when people asked at the time yes was.
• 14:58
  I'm on here looking for friends. If we end up hooking up, cool.
• 15:02
  If we end up dating, cool. I'm not looking for anything
• 15:05
  specific, I'm just looking for connection in general.
• 15:09
  And with that being said like he was always really respectful on
• 15:13
  there too. He wasn't all about like sending
• 15:15
  the Dick pics and stuff. It wasn't like that at all.
• 15:18
  It was I am in it for friendship and if this turns into something
• 15:21
  then great, if not then that was kind of how it was.
• 15:24
  I'm not surprised by any of that.
• 15:25
  Yeah. It's like that's the energy and
• 15:27
  vibe I got off of you both. And that's so much of these
• 15:30
  parties. People get so nervous going, but
• 15:32
  it's like, try and calm down a little bit because then you feel
• 15:34
  people's vibe. Yeah.
• 15:36
  And that's what I think. We all bought it and that was a
• 15:38
  big thing. And that's how you guys started
• 15:40
  to open up to me about it being so new.
• 15:42
  Yeah. For you to to be open.
• 15:44
  Yeah, a little over a year now. So this is 11 years ago on
• 15:47
  Plenty of Fish. We won't get into specifics, but
• 15:50
  you're not living in this area. You're living elsewhere.
• 15:52
  Right? In the same city, though.
• 15:54
  Yeah. OK.
• 15:55
  Yeah. When you meet up, what is it
• 15:56
  that draws you to each other's profiles besides?
• 15:59
  Looks. So we're both from the East
• 16:01
  Coast. And so I think that was the
• 16:04
  major poll was we just kind of had this unspoken vibe.
• 16:09
  We kind of just understood each other.
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  We grew up, what, like an hour and a half or two hours from.
• 16:13
  Each other, yeah. So.
• 16:16
  But met in another state. Isn't that crazy?
• 16:18
  Yeah, but we had been talking for like over a month.
• 16:21
  We hadn't even met each other. We were talking like texting and
• 16:24
  stuff. I told you I was busy.
• 16:25
  That's why I say I really was just looking for people that
• 16:27
  talked to and I worked, you know?
• 16:30
  And he had visited family, and so he was gone.
• 16:32
  And so I had had a really bad, like, dating experience.
• 16:36
  And I was like, yeah, I'm gonna delete that app.
• 16:38
  Like, I don't want to date anymore.
• 16:39
  Like, men suck and all this stuff.
• 16:42
  But then I at the same time I was like, you know, I was
• 16:44
  talking to Derek and he's always been really sweet and nice and
• 16:48
  like, never sexual. Like, it was.
• 16:50
  It was always like, he wanted to know me, not me for my body,
• 16:53
  right. So.
• 16:54
  So I was like, I'm gonna give him a chance because I think,
• 16:57
  like, there might be something there.
• 16:58
  When he got back from visiting family, I hit him up and I was
• 17:01
  like, hey, are you back? And he's like, yeah.
• 17:03
  And I was like, I want to go on a date.
• 17:05
  Like I'm asking you out and you want to go out.
• 17:07
  And he's like, yeah. So that's kind of how that
• 17:09
  happened. And then automatically we were
• 17:11
  like really getting along and we.
• 17:13
  Connected we. Connected very quickly, yeah.
• 17:16
  Were there discussions about kink, Sex.
• 17:19
  So was that the foundation of the relationship?
• 17:21
  So I'll tell you the first date. She hates this, but I, I.
• 17:25
  Do hate it she like because I feel like I go ahead and tell a
• 17:28
  story. Yeah, so I'm not the type to
• 17:31
  make the first move. I want to make sure that people
• 17:33
  are comfortable. I don't want to be
• 17:34
  disrespectful. I don't want to be like a creep.
• 17:36
  I grew up with a single mom. I was taught very much about
• 17:39
  like respect affecting women, so consent respects all that.
• 17:43
  So that's like just a little bit about me.
• 17:45
  So she has to hang out again, I'm busy.
• 17:48
  I don't get much time off work. I work 70 hours a week at this
• 17:50
  point, so I don't have time to work and I'm seven days a week.
• 17:55
  I don't have days off. There's no spare time.
• 17:57
  So she has to hang out. And I didn't want to be this
• 18:00
  guy, but I was like, really like, if you want to hang out,
• 18:02
  you have to come over or I can come over to your house, right?
• 18:05
  Because I don't. I don't.
• 18:06
  Have a no from. Yeah, that's a no for I never
• 18:09
  do. I don't like having people at my
• 18:11
  house. I'm very private about that
• 18:13
  unless I'm comfortable. But I just kind of took this
• 18:15
  risk because we've been talking for so long.
• 18:17
  I'm all about like reading red flags and very cautious and
• 18:20
  stuff. And I remember 2 minutes away or
• 18:22
  three minutes away, she was like, I just parked, said OK, I
• 18:25
  live in a mid rise apartment so I have to go down and let her
• 18:28
  in. She can't just come in.
• 18:29
  And I said OK, I'll come down and get you.
• 18:31
  And she responded with IAIGHT. Are you turned off by this?
• 18:41
  Very, I was like, I might not even go down there.
• 18:43
  I'm this is a, this is like a no for me, but I no, we've talked
• 18:49
  for so long, maybe. She's following.
• 18:50
  She's nervous. I'll be OK.
• 18:52
  So the plan was like she was just gonna come over.
• 18:54
  We were gonna do like a Digiorno type pizza.
• 18:57
  And pizza. Watch TV and or movies.
• 18:59
  Standing there with a frozen pizza.
• 19:01
  Little grocery bag so she. Could only write I.
• 19:06
  She's got one hand, she's got a whole stuff.
• 19:07
  I can hold my knife in one hand. Yeah.
• 19:10
  So together, just in case I get robbed.
• 19:11
  So we go upstairs, make the pizza and we're just making
• 19:14
  small talk, trying to find something to watch.
• 19:17
  I think we put on Comedy Central, found out we both had a
• 19:20
  love for Tosh .0 of course, so that was very easy.
• 19:24
  Hold on, before this even happens, we were talking for
• 19:26
  like a good two hours. Oh wow.
• 19:28
  You remember that part you? Remember that part?
• 19:29
  You don't remember that? Little bit a little bit.
• 19:32
  Where he was in the building, there was a really, if you go
• 19:35
  out, there's like a shared laundry room and there's a
• 19:37
  balcony out in the laundry room. He's like, oh, there's a really
• 19:39
  good view out here, let me show you.
• 19:41
  And we were out there for like an hour, hour and a half, just
• 19:43
  talking. I pulled out all my moves.
• 19:45
  I think your moves. Well, are they still your moves?
• 19:48
  No, no, no, they are not my moves.
• 19:52
  So back then early to mid 20s, I'm in very good shape.
• 19:57
  OK, I have tattoos. My moves are I'm going to bring
• 20:00
  you to look at like a nice. Something that's got like a
• 20:03
  relaxing environment, so, so. It's one of the moves.
• 20:07
  That's one of the moves, right? Environment actually.
• 20:09
  Like the amount of time that I spend setting up my apartment
• 20:11
  considering to make it feel like things happened organically is
• 20:15
  ridiculous. I'm very aware DID.
• 20:16
  You put laundry in the washing machine to be like, I just have
• 20:19
  to get my laundry. I didn't go that far, but no, I
• 20:22
  was very much. I would have been suspicious,
• 20:23
  actually, yeah. I'm very much like, oh, you put
• 20:26
  the table on this side because most people are right-handed.
• 20:29
  I'm very like intentional with my space and with how I set
• 20:33
  things up so that you can have a more naturally occurring
• 20:38
  situation than like having things.
• 20:40
  Through like that. Yeah, having awkward moments
• 20:43
  where it's like, I don't know how to explain it.
• 20:45
  You don't want her left elbow hitting into something.
• 20:47
  Exactly. He's like showing me all the
• 20:49
  pictures of his friends and like telling me how like popular he
• 20:52
  is, right in an inadvertent way. Like he's like, oh, I have all
• 20:56
  these friends. Here are some pictures of my
• 20:57
  friends and us together and. Well, like picture of like a
• 21:01
  famous friend or just no just. Like but that, but that to me,
• 21:05
  I'm like, OK, he has like a he has a good group of friends.
• 21:08
  Like he's important. I've been friends for 15 years.
• 21:10
  Like I'm considering. Himself, like I was not popular
• 21:13
  in high school, but I had a really good core group of
• 21:16
  friends that I'm still friends with today.
• 21:18
  You know, people have been friends.
• 21:19
  With he's like telling. Me stories about these friends
• 21:21
  and stuff and I'm like, OK, like seems really personable and he
• 21:23
  seems, you know all these things, right?
• 21:26
  And then and then he's like, I'm asking him about his like
• 21:29
  tattoos, right? I'm like, oh, what's this one
• 21:31
  about? What's this one?
• 21:32
  And he's like, oh, and then let me show you.
• 21:33
  He lifts up a shirt like 8. Pack, let me show you about this
• 21:36
  tattoo. And I'm like.
• 21:39
  And he was flexing. Absolutely.
• 21:42
  Well, OK, I again at the time I'm like 2A days at workout
• 21:47
  before work, go to work, workout after work I'll brag about.
• 21:51
  This I wonder. He was busy.
• 21:51
  I had like, I had like 4% body fat at the time.
• 21:55
  So I know, I know I'm shredded, right?
• 21:57
  And like. And he's like, come on, girls
• 21:59
  always tell me I have such a beautiful eyes or dreamy, dreamy
• 22:02
  eyes. And I was like.
• 22:03
  You tell her what other girls say to like, up your value.
• 22:07
  I'm not against it. Yeah.
• 22:08
  Yeah, That's like. And I was like, well, I'm not
• 22:10
  going to tell you that. But I could tell she knew.
• 22:13
  I knew you're not getting that from me.
• 22:15
  Anyways, the night went on so. I made sure that I didn't have a
• 22:20
  TV in my living room. Oh my gosh.
• 22:22
  Whoa, you're thinking 90 steps ahead.
• 22:25
  I'm playing chess. I don't think he remembers, but
• 22:27
  your roommate was home and your roommate was watching TV in the
• 22:30
  living room. Exactly.
• 22:30
  You're like, oh, if we want to watch something, we have to go.
• 22:33
  To bed so yeah, so. At there and like.
• 22:36
  If I had niving with your roommate.
• 22:37
  If I had the TV at the time, then yeah, he was definitely
• 22:40
  there on purpose. You little predator.
• 22:42
  Yeah, yeah. Although I've planned all of
• 22:45
  this in my head, right? I'm still respectful, right.
• 22:48
  So like, we're sitting on the bed, you know, not touching her.
• 22:50
  I'm just like, laughing. And we're talking, snuggling,
• 22:53
  joking it. Well, and then she snuggled up
• 22:55
  to me and put my arm around her. And then, well.
• 22:58
  That takes a brave, strong woman, Yeah, be like.
• 23:00
  And this is what I want to. So again, while like, yes, I've
• 23:05
  planned how this would go down, if it went down, I'm not making
• 23:08
  the first move. You're just making it as
• 23:10
  comfortable as possible for. Everyone.
• 23:12
  Exactly. To make the moves that they
• 23:13
  want, yeah. Someone.
• 23:15
  Wants something to happen. Yeah.
• 23:17
  So then I think we started kissing.
• 23:19
  About 15 seconds later, she was fully naked.
• 23:22
  I wasted no time getting her undressed.
• 23:25
  But how did she consent to this? I'd well, I think I was taking
• 23:28
  off my own clothes. Yeah, she yeah, you were taking.
• 23:30
  Off I was taking off his well from what I remember I took off
• 23:34
  your shirt 1st and then we kind of giggle cuz you're like well
• 23:38
  you know if I'm gonna have my shirt off and I'm like all right
• 23:41
  so I took my shirt off right and that's kind of how it went and
• 23:45
  then I unfortunately had my time of the month so I couldn't like
• 23:48
  do anything on my end but I. She kept you kept your underwear
• 23:51
  on her like that. So to me that was like a don't
• 23:54
  touch, right? If she wanted me to touch her,
• 23:55
  Yeah, he went like. That and then I sucked his Dick.
• 23:59
  So this is day one. This is day one.
• 24:01
  I mean I'm not not that type of girl usually and now like I now
• 24:06
  I feel bad about it. That's.
• 24:07
  What I was gonna say, that's what they all say, yeah.
• 24:10
  No, I feel. I'm not that type of girl now.
• 24:12
  I feel bad about it cuz that's our story now and I'm like
• 24:16
  that's why you don't. Like this?
• 24:18
  I feel a little bad about it cuz I'm like I shouldn't have given
• 24:21
  it up that soon, no? I don't know, no.
• 24:24
  You couldn't tell. We love these.
• 24:27
  Yeah, I don't know. These things not to be held back
• 24:31
  or piano that is still there. We should be celebrated and
• 24:34
  enjoyed. Did you both have a good time?
• 24:35
  Yes, it was. Wonderful.
• 24:37
  So at the time I had a rule about girls like in who I would
• 24:42
  long term date right. 01 of my rules was like if a girl gave it
• 24:47
  up by the third date, you know, she maybe wasn't dating
• 24:51
  material, No. Yeah.
• 24:53
  Oh, we're still. Getting into.
• 24:54
  This I have. About, yeah.
• 24:58
  I was mid 20s Derek because honestly he sounds like a fuck
• 25:01
  boy. He was, he was, he was listen.
• 25:04
  To him, twice a day, too many hours.
• 25:07
  If you want to hang out with me, you have to come over.
• 25:09
  If you text the wrong thing, I might not come to the door.
• 25:12
  I'm going to set every step up. Sorry, I'm just recapping.
• 25:14
  Yeah, I'm going to. Set everything up so that you're
• 25:17
  more likely to want to be in my bed.
• 25:20
  Yeah. And then should everything go
• 25:21
  according to everything I've planned, and you fall for my
• 25:24
  traps, you're not good enough. Yeah.
• 25:27
  To date. Yeah.
• 25:27
  OK. Yeah, no, you got it.
• 25:29
  Yeah, you got it. Yeah.
• 25:30
  Fuck boy Dare. So.
• 25:32
  Wait, marriage, wine and Candace.
• 25:33
  Fuck boy. Dare Yeah, we were here.
• 25:35
  We. Go continued.
• 25:36
  Yeah, so. What happened after that?
• 25:38
  But I really had a great time with her and the reason you
• 25:40
  interrupted my story about, you know, the pizza, because there
• 25:44
  was like a moment where, you know, we had made the pizza.
• 25:48
  We're eating. I also I'm true.
• 25:50
  Fuck boy, I'm we're not using dishes.
• 25:52
  Here's the paper plates. You know, here's here's the
• 25:56
  plastic cups. We're not using, I'm not doing,
• 25:58
  I'm not being ambitious. No judgment.
• 26:00
  So I have, like, a bar height countertop and some stools.
• 26:04
  So we're sitting on the stools eating there.
• 26:06
  And I look over and she's got her pizza on the plate.
• 26:08
  And she just, like, slides. Like, she brings her mouth down
• 26:11
  to, like, the counter height and slides the pizza off the counter
• 26:14
  into her mouth. Like, she doesn't pick the pizza
• 26:17
  up like a normal person. She just, like, slides this
• 26:19
  pizza pizza into her mouth, like, takes a bite and then,
• 26:22
  like, slides it back. And it's not like she's looking
• 26:24
  at me like she's doing this, Like, yeah.
• 26:26
  I've seen her mouth skills. Yeah, yeah, that should only
• 26:29
  have gone in the pros like. Yeah, yeah.
• 26:31
  So that was that was a pro. That was a pro because because I
• 26:37
  was like I was so happy to find somebody who was just themselves
• 26:41
  from the start. Because when you go on these
• 26:44
  meet people at first, it's like. They put up walls.
• 26:47
  They put up walls so you don't get the true person upfront.
• 26:50
  So I feel like that night I got the true person upfront, you
• 26:54
  did. And that was what?
• 26:56
  Like, I was like, OK, I want to hang out with her again, you
• 26:59
  know? So, and like unbeknownst to him,
• 27:01
  like before I went in there, like I said, like I had a bad
• 27:04
  experience with a guy right before this and I was like, if
• 27:08
  Derek doesn't like me for who I am, then fuck him.
• 27:10
  It doesn't matter. Like I'm just gonna get what I
• 27:12
  want and that'll be it. And so I went in there.
• 27:15
  I'm like, I'm just gonna be myself.
• 27:17
  Like I don't care. Like if I want to crack this
• 27:19
  weird joke about me eating a slice of pizza, then I am like,
• 27:22
  I'm not gonna like hold anything back.
• 27:24
  If I want to suck his Dick, I'll suck it.
• 27:26
  I know like, so like, I think it definitely worked out in my
• 27:31
  favor, right so. Yeah, it was a good date.
• 27:33
  The only other notable thing about that date, we're sitting
• 27:37
  on my bed. Again, very intentional.
• 27:39
  I only have one night stand. I'm not sending out the message
• 27:42
  that like there's room for a second night stand in this room.
• 27:45
  So I have that on the right side, on the left side side of
• 27:48
  the bed she's sitting on, there's like a little space
• 27:50
  between the wall and the bed. And I had a machete and a
• 27:54
  nightstick. For what?
• 27:56
  Protection. Protection, yeah.
• 27:58
  Downtown. Yeah, so, yeah.
• 28:00
  So I was like, I spent a lot of time setting up my stuff.
• 28:02
  Forgot to put him away. Obviously, no one feels safe
• 28:04
  when they see a machete and a nightstick.
• 28:06
  I don't know about Candace actually.
• 28:08
  Like. What were you?
• 28:09
  Well, I what was it? The first.
• 28:10
  Date that I saw that that was the first date, yeah.
• 28:12
  I rolled over. I don't know.
• 28:13
  I was like just like looking out of the bed.
• 28:15
  I remember seeing and they were side by side and I'm like Derek,
• 28:18
  I didn't have these things somewhere.
• 28:21
  And he's like I. Like to feel protected?
• 28:24
  Yeah, yeah, But you know, somebody comes up with a knife.
• 28:27
  I don't. My ABS don't stop knives.
• 28:29
  Yeah, so. So that was that was a good
• 28:32
  date. Yeah, that was a date I love.
• 28:34
  This date? Are either of you kinky at this
• 28:36
  stage? Because it seems a little kinky
• 28:37
  to go straight for a blowjot to eat.
• 28:39
  The pizza alone sounded kinky, but.
• 28:42
  So the third date. Before we get to that, I would
• 28:45
  say I'm kinky at this time, but I haven't really explored much.
• 28:49
  I would say, Right, I love porn. Watch all different kinds of
• 28:53
  porn, right? Yeah, yeah.
• 28:58
  All sorts of stuff, right? Yeah.
• 28:59
  But I haven't really explored anything.
• 29:01
  And I think I started getting into this the night we met.
• 29:04
  But I think we were like, let's hold this for when we do this
• 29:07
  podcast, right? So I dated a girl in high school
• 29:10
  for a few years. And I remember it was getting to
• 29:13
  the point where it was we're either going to do the high
• 29:15
  school sweetheart thing or we got a breakup and there were
• 29:18
  other things going on. This is not the deciding factor.
• 29:21
  I decided to break up with her, but she didn't like giving
• 29:23
  blowjobs. And so for me, I remember when
• 29:27
  I'm thinking about what life with her is going to be like
• 29:30
  long term, I'm like, I'm not going to get blowjobs for the
• 29:32
  rest of my life. And as a teenager, that probably
• 29:34
  seems really scary. That's you are.
• 29:36
  I haven't gotten enough blowjobs as a teenager to like, you know,
• 29:40
  be willing to sacrifice those, right?
• 29:42
  That's not. This is APSA honestly for.
• 29:45
  This is. A.
• 29:45
  And if she's not going to blowjob, she's definitely not
• 29:47
  going to. Swing.
• 29:48
  Yeah. Yeah, Well, that was not on.
• 29:50
  That was not. On the table, not on the radar,
• 29:52
  but blowjobs definitely were. So when I broke up with her, I
• 29:56
  remember thinking I'm never going to long term date somebody
• 30:00
  again who doesn't give blowjobs or is not into like kink
• 30:05
  insects. I know what kink was, but I knew
• 30:08
  I wanted to explore sex from every angle and I wasn't willing
• 30:13
  to like sacrifice that. It wasn't going to be the
• 30:15
  deciding factor on whether I would stay with somebody, but it
• 30:19
  was a very important thing. To have something serious.
• 30:21
  I love that you figured that out that soon.
• 30:23
  It took me until my first, my, well, my only marriage ended to
• 30:28
  come to that conclusion. So I had a whole ass wedding.
• 30:31
  Yeah. And divorced.
• 30:32
  Yeah, before I got to where you got to win high school.
• 30:34
  Very, very hard, Very difficult. And then I remember the first
• 30:37
  hookup I had after that covered ears.
• 30:40
  Have I heard the story? I don't know if you have Oh no
• 30:44
  hook up after that I. Only look at your face.
• 30:46
  Now, I remember I was hooked up with this girl at a party.
• 30:49
  We had been talking for like a week or so.
• 30:53
  We went to a bathroom at the party, played with each other a
• 30:55
  little bit, and we broke a toilet paper holder off the
• 30:59
  wall. We broke something else in the
• 31:00
  bathroom. And so then my friend was like,
• 31:02
  get the fuck out of my bathroom, you're breaking.
• 31:04
  Stuff because it's a house. It's a house.
• 31:05
  Yeah. So we got out of the bathroom,
• 31:08
  went down, and then when everyone went to sleep, we're on
• 31:11
  a couch in the living room. It's dark, but we hooked up on
• 31:13
  the couch in the living room. And I remember she was like, can
• 31:17
  I suck your Dick? And I was like this is all I.
• 31:19
  Required. Right.
• 31:20
  Like this is, yeah, this is all I ever wanted.
• 31:22
  Somebody who actually wanted to suck my Dick.
• 31:24
  That was like. You wanted to be wanted.
• 31:26
  Yeah, exactly. That's actually a very important
• 31:29
  thing to me. If she's not in the mood, it's
• 31:31
  very easy for me to shut it down.
• 31:32
  Like, I don't want that, right? Like if you don't want me, I
• 31:35
  don't return. Your core desire, yeah, is to be
• 31:38
  wanted, and that's what does it for you.
• 31:40
  So once you feel wanted that. Yeah, then I'll then I'll do
• 31:44
  anything. Yeah.
• 31:44
  Then yeah, then it's free game. Feel like that?
• 31:47
  Yeah, your experience. I don't think I knew I was
• 31:52
  kinky. I, I really didn't think I was
• 31:54
  until I met Derek. I think I always was.
• 31:57
  I just didn't know it. I, you know, growing up in like
• 31:59
  a Christian home, we didn't talk about sex.
• 32:03
  I couldn't have a boyfriend. It was very restrictive.
• 32:06
  And so I ended up like having a porn addiction really young
• 32:10
  because I wasn't getting any kind of like relationship
• 32:15
  experience. So through therapy, like I found
• 32:18
  that the reason for my porn addiction was because I was like
• 32:22
  seeking like emotional connection with like anyone,
• 32:25
  right? And as a teenager, you were
• 32:27
  getting that from porn. Yeah, because I wasn't always.
• 32:31
  Vanilla porn. Sorry to.
• 32:33
  Interrupt with no porn, No like anything, any porn, anything I
• 32:36
  think I had to get my hands on because this is like the 90s,
• 32:39
  right? 90s, early 2000s.
• 32:41
  So I didn't. Think I really knew how to use
• 32:43
  it there. Wasn't there wasn't a lot of
• 32:45
  access to things, right? So there was like a lot of
• 32:48
  vanilla stuff out there, but there was like lesbian porn or
• 32:50
  whatever. And so like I was really
• 32:52
  interested into that, but it was more like I wouldn't always
• 32:56
  masturbate. It was always just, I wanted to
• 32:58
  watch it because I felt some kind of connection.
• 33:01
  It's kind of sad to say out loud, but like.
• 33:04
  I don't think it's sad at all. I think it's beautiful that you
• 33:07
  recognized it. Yeah, and so there was so much
• 33:09
  shame attached to that. So I think I like internalized
• 33:14
  the kink. When I met Derek, I found
• 33:17
  someone that I really felt like I could be myself with, and
• 33:20
  that's when it started to kind of come out was like, I feel
• 33:23
  completely comfortable with this person now.
• 33:26
  I can like actually express myself and what I want to do in.
• 33:30
  Hindsight Was it actually addiction or was it a group of
• 33:34
  people who didn't understand porn?
• 33:36
  And thought it was, I don't, I don't think it was addiction.
• 33:38
  I just watched it a lot because I wanted connection a lot and I
• 33:42
  wasn't getting anything from my family from front, you know, any
• 33:45
  of that. So.
• 33:45
  I think part of it probably is the like people have not
• 33:48
  understand. Yeah, my parents did find it.
• 33:51
  So I probably got into it when I was really young.
• 33:54
  I was like 8-8 or nine, and then they didn't find it until I was
• 33:57
  like 16. And so I was already kind of.
• 34:01
  Eight years in. Yeah, watching for, to watching
• 34:03
  it. And I would go through like
• 34:06
  periods where I wouldn't watch it at all because I was so
• 34:09
  ashamed of it. I would like, OK, I'm gonna
• 34:11
  stop. I'm gonna stop.
• 34:12
  I'm never gonna watch it again. And then so I'd go like a year
• 34:14
  or two without watching it and then I'd like get back into it
• 34:17
  again. Another thing I found through
• 34:18
  therapy was it was always at a time where like something bad
• 34:22
  would happen in my life like that, I would go back to it
• 34:26
  because it would comfort me in some kind of way.
• 34:28
  So that you needed that emotional I.
• 34:30
  Needed the emotional part of it to like get through whatever I
• 34:34
  was going through, which was, you know, like in hindsight, I
• 34:37
  look back and I like, I just feel really bad for young
• 34:40
  Candace because I'm like, I wish I had someone to talk to about
• 34:43
  it. And now I'm like, I'm very aware
• 34:45
  of it too. So now, you know, we have kids.
• 34:49
  I want to make sure like, OK, like that they have the
• 34:52
  emotional connection that we have.
• 34:53
  And then, you know, if they want to talk whatever they want to
• 34:56
  talk about, let's talk about it. You know, like, I don't want
• 34:58
  them to feel shame for anything. If you're interested in
• 35:00
  something, let's talk about it. You know, like trying to feel
• 35:04
  like we've tested a lot of things out there.
• 35:06
  Like if we find that our kid is into something that we've never
• 35:09
  experienced before, like let's get through it as a family.
• 35:11
  Like, I don't know, you know, like.
• 35:12
  Yeah, you don't want your kids to have to struggle in the same
• 35:15
  way you. Did.
• 35:16
  Yeah, Yeah. That was probably completely
• 35:19
  unnecessary. And the reason I picked the word
• 35:21
  shame is what you described is very similar to people who have
• 35:24
  fetishes or go through a kink journey.
• 35:26
  They get really obsessed with it and then they throw everything
• 35:29
  out and they're like, I'm getting over this.
• 35:31
  But if it's part of you, it's really hard to just like needing
• 35:34
  connection was part of you and you found a way to get
• 35:36
  connection. Yeah, feel that.
• 35:38
  Yeah. And, and then when we got
• 35:40
  together, I didn't need it anymore.
• 35:42
  I didn't need to look at porn anymore.
• 35:43
  Like I said, I'd gone through like years of my life where I
• 35:45
  didn't look at it. And then I would get back into
• 35:47
  it. And then when we met and we had
• 35:49
  our connection, I didn't need that emotional attachment
• 35:52
  anymore to porn. So now we just watch porn when
• 35:54
  we want to, like, you know, when we're intimate and we want to
• 35:56
  like, kink it up or put on some porn, you know, like, you don't
• 35:59
  feel that I don't feel, I don't feel that pull anymore to watch
• 36:03
  porn. Wow.
• 36:04
  So there's no craving for porn because what you were craving
• 36:07
  was the emotional convictions that you finally found with
• 36:10
  Derek. Exactly.
• 36:11
  God, I love this. If you enjoyed this episode,
• 36:15
  don't forget to subscribe, leave a review and share it with
• 36:17
  anyone who might find it interesting.
• 36:19
  And if you have any questions or topics you'd like me to cover in
• 36:22
  future episodes, feel free to reach out e-mail
• 36:24
  info@thekingconsultant.com. Until next time, keep on kinking
• 36:29
  on.