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Work Stress Ruining Your Sleep? Nervous System Reset for Women · Work Stress Anxiety | Burnout Prevention & Work Anxiety Help

• 0:22
  Speaker 0: Welcome to Work Stress Anxiety by ABGW.
• 0:28
  Speaker 0: I'm Cheryl Paris and today we are talking about Work Stress and Sleep Disruption. Yes, I know.
• 0:39
  Speaker 0: Yes, or as I like to call it the deeply insulting experience of being exhausted all day, desperate for your bed, convinced that sleep is about to arrive only for your brain to turn up at
• 0:58
  02: 03AM with a clipboard demanding useful stuff and not a useful clipboard, not a clipboard with snacks and answers and a practical plan, a clipboard often of nonsense. Nonsense.
• 1:17
  02: It kind of says before we rest shall we revisit that meeting or the tone of voice that you use to that subordinate.
• 1:27
  02: The possibility that everyone secretly thinks that you are no longer coping. Coping.
• 1:33
  02: Lovely, lovely stuff very very restful very much the reason people should not be allowed to say just switch off unless they are willing to personally come around and switch the brain off at the wall.
• 1:52
  02: Because the way I say it, most of us high functioning people, especially us women, know this pattern.
• 2:00
  02: You hold it together all day, you answer the messages, you attend the meetings, you do the thing, you smile at the appropriate time, then you get into bed and suddenly your body is exhausted but your mind is behaving like as if you've accepted another shift. And that is what we're talking about today.
• 2:24
  02: Not sleep as this perfect pastel wellness brochure way, No.
• 2:31
  02: The kind of Sleep Advice that assumes that you have 2 perfect silent hours, no children, no work pressures, no hormones, no pain, no caring responsibilities, and a Nervous System made like Superman.
• 2:54
  02: I am talking about real sleep here, the kind that gets disrespected by constant availability, phone pings, emails arriving, WhatsApp messages, you know, the urgent but not urgent requests. Yes, it's not that. It's a Nervous System.
• 3:20
  02: It's almost like your Nervous System is trying to mug you with notifications.
• 3:25
  02: And I just want to say this clearly from the start, because you're probably thinking, what is she talking about?
• 3:33
  02: I see sleep as not a treat.
• 3:36
  02: Sleep is not what you get once everyone else is finished with you.
• 3:42
  02: Sleep is for your infrastructure, for that Recovery Infrastructure.
• 3:48
  02: It's 1 of the to me, sleep is 1 of the deepest, deepest acts of self respect available to you.
• 3:59
  02: So today, we're going to talk about why Work Stress affects sleep so badly, why your brain gets louder at night, why lying down is not the same as recovering, and just 1 simple calm reset that you can use when the bed starts feeling a bit like the boardroom because as you know, it's calm 1st, reality 1st, then change.
• 4:31
  02: Okay. Now, I'm being really honest here, I love my bed.
• 4:38
  02: I remember when we 1st moved in, I went to John Lewis, I got the nicest sheets, the most expensive duvet.
• 4:49
  02: I mean, I really spent a lot of money on my bed because, don't get me wrong, I like all the nice bedding and matching cushions and all the rest of it, But I mean, my bed is 1 of my most favorite places because I have learned through my own experience and seen other people, sleep changes everything.
• 5:18
  02: When I have had enough sleep, I operate at a completely different level.
• 5:24
  02: My thinking is clearer, my tolerance is better, my humor returns from wherever it was sulking, my body feels like it has been assembled to take anything on, but when sleep deprivation is going on, stuff happens. That's all I'll say.
• 5:48
  02: And by stuff, I mean the kind of stuff where your Emotional Regulation drops, my patience leaves the building, My memory starts behaving like damp Post it notes, and ordinary problems just suddenly just seem, oh, Kate in stuff.
• 6:12
  02: The thing is, I don't care who you are, don't care what you are specialists in, sleep matters.
• 6:20
  02: There is a reason for that old saying about sleep.
• 6:25
  02: Go to bed on it, sleep on it, see how you feel in the morning.
• 6:29
  02: There's a reason for that old saying.
• 6:32
  02: That saying exists because human beings, unfortunately, have known for a very long time that night brain is not always the best decision maker.
• 6:46
  You know, at 02: 03AM, your mind can make wildly awkward decisions, things that could be career ending actually, but by
• 6:58
  09: 30, after some actual sleep, you might look at the same thing, you know, the same email and think, Right, that was annoying.
• 7:09
  09: I'll reply after I've had my coffee.
• 7:12
  09: Same problem, but a completely different Nervous System state.
• 7:18
  09: That is the bit we forget, right?
• 7:22
  09: The problem doesn't always change overnight, but your capacity can.
• 7:29
  09: Your perception does, and your ability to reason is much more in tune with you.
• 7:38
  09: Your ability to choose the next best step matters after you've had sleep, which is why I get very protective about sleep.
• 7:49
  09: I get very protective about my sleep. I do.
• 7:53
  09: Sleep cannot be endlessly disrespected without consequences.
• 8:00
  09: The thing is, your body notices, your brain notices, and your Nervous System notices.
• 8:08
  09: And the thing that I find really puzzling is that modern life is very good at stealing the edges of sleep.
• 8:17
  09: You know, a ping here, you know, a late email there, a quick stroll that turns into 45 minutes of digital nonsense, A work
• 8:31
  message that lands at 09: 45PM and suddenly your whole system is back in the office.
• 8:38
  message that lands at 09: And then people wonder why we can't rest, like it's some sort of mystery of the century.
• 8:45
  message that lands at 09: This is where I think so many High Functioning Women quietly suffer, really quietly, because from the outside, you may look fine.
• 8:58
  message that lands at 09: You're still there working, you're still there delivering, you know, you may still be remembering people's birthdays and dental appointments and school forms that need filling in, and you may even still remember your password, you know?
• 9:17
  message that lands at 09: You may still be the person other people rely on, which is lovely, but isn't it exhausting?
• 9:26
  message that lands at 09: And then bedtime arrives and you lie there and your body is pleading for sleep, but your mind is doing something else.
• 9:36
  message that lands at 09: It's replaying that meeting, replaying that email, it replays what you said, what they said, what you should have said, and whether your manager now thinks you are secretly useless or not, the mental courtroom has opened and you're the defendant, but you're also the prosecutor and the judge.
• 10:02
  message that lands at 09: Oh, by the way, you're also the witness.
• 10:05
  message that lands at 09: And you are that exhausted legal intern trying to find the documents, And guess what? There's no biscuits.
• 10:14
  message that lands at 09: This is not problem solving.
• 10:17
  message that lands at 09: This is threat rehearsal, and threat rehearsal is very persuasive at night.
• 10:23
  message that lands at 09: You know, it can sound like if they don't notice, then I'm not coping.
• 10:33
  message that lands at 09: Or it can be, what if I've made a mistake on that document that needs to be handed in to the director tomorrow?
• 10:41
  message that lands at 09: That does not mean you're weak.
• 10:44
  message that lands at 09: It doesn't mean that you're being dramatic.
• 10:47
  message that lands at 09: It doesn't mean that you are bad at relaxing.
• 10:51
  message that lands at 09: It just means your Nervous System is still activated, your workday hasn't ended.
• 11:00
  message that lands at 09: Wouldn't it be lovely if our Nervous System respected our time
• 11:06
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: 30, you know, just decide, that's it, that's enough, that's enough scanning for today, you're okay, you're okay to leave. Sadly, no.
• 11:22
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: If work has kept you bracing all day, you know, unexpected expectations, conflict, sometimes impossible demands, some fear based leadership, who knows?
• 11:36
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: Your system may be scanning long after your laptop is closed.
• 11:42
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: Your body is tired, but your brain is still on the payroll.
• 11:46
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: And that is why simply lying down doesn't always feel restorative.
• 11:53
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: You can physically be still and internally it's almost like you're still sprinting.
• 12:01
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: So let's bring some reality into this because I think sleep is not just nice. Sleep is part of your Recovery Infrastructure.
• 12:14
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: Supports The thing is, okay, let me just say this, none of this is new to you. I know that.
• 12:24
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: But sometimes, the way that I see it, knowledge is not enough.
• 12:29
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: Have to remind yourself of what's important.
• 12:33
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: Sleep is so important to recovery because it supports emotional regularity, it helps your mind and memory rest, it really turbocharges your perceptions, your patience, your decision making, and your ability to not take every tiny thing personally.
• 12:57
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: Very useful, would recommend it.
• 13:01
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: When sleep disrupts sleep sorry, when Work Stress, sorry, disrupts your sleep, the loop can become very vicious very quickly.
• 13:12
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: Work sleep keeps your system active, activation disrupts your sleep, poor sleep increases your Mental Fatigue.
• 13:22
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: Mental Fatigue makes work feel harder.
• 13:24
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: Work feel harder, so you so stress increases.
• 13:28
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: Stress increases, so sleep becomes even more fragile, around and around it goes, like some sort of emotional tumble dryer.
• 13:39
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: And this is where self blame starts creeping in because you start thinking, know, I should be able to cope with all this.
• 13:46
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: I should be better at this. No, no, no, no, no.
• 13:51
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: Let's not turn sleep into another exam.
• 13:54
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: You are failing because nothing says deep sleep like lying awake, judging yourself, or not relaxing correctly.
• 14:03
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: The aim is not to bully yourself into sleep, the aim is to help your system feel so safe safe enough to shift from alert into recovery, and that that is different.
• 14:17
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: And this is why generic relaxation advice, I think, is so irritating, the stuff that says, Just relax. Clear your mind.
• 14:29
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: Let it go. Thank you very much. That's revolutionary, isn't it?
• 14:37
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: No, no, no.
• 14:38
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: The problem is that your Nervous System is trying to process fear, pressure, responsibility, maybe that anger that you've been holding onto, exhaustion, or something else that's unresolved.
• 14:54
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: Some part of you may still be saying, No, something is happening here, please don't ask me to float above it, help me understand it.
• 15:05
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: Sleep is 1 of the reasons why I created the ABGW method because I wanted to start with acknowledgement, not denial, not some false positivity, oh, I can't stand.
• 15:23
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: It's like chalk on a blackboard, Not pretending everything is fine when your Nervous System is sitting in the corner with a siren. No. Acknowledgment. This is happening.
• 15:39
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: My body is activated. My mind is trying to protect me.
• 15:46
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: I'm in bed, it's night, I do not need to resolve this work problem right now. Some people call that fluff. I call it fluffy.
• 16:03
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: To me, it's about functionality.
• 16:06
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: It's about calm 1st, calming the system down 1st, accepting reality 1st, and then change.
• 16:17
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: Calm doesn't mean everything's okay.
• 16:19
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: Calm doesn't mean that workplace pressures is acceptable.
• 16:26
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: Calm doesn't mean that you stay silent.
• 16:28
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: Calm means you give yourself a better chance of seeing reality clearly and choosing your next step from steadiness, from that place, not from panic.
• 16:44
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: So here is a microstep for tonight that you might want to try.
• 16:49
  clock, you know, and politely at 05: I call it refuse refuse the night shift. Refuse the night shift.
• 16:57
  No need to sit up at 02: 03 and declare revolution under the duvet.
• 17:03
  No need to sit up at 02: Just calmly, your brain starts dragging work into bed, use this 4 part reset. Step 1, reality contact. Step 2, 5 long exhales.
• 17:21
  No need to sit up at 02: Step 3, park 1 thought. Step 4, refuse the night shift.
• 17:29
  No need to sit up at 02: So step 1, quietly say to yourself, I am in bed. It is night.
• 17:38
  No need to sit up at 02: This can wait. Now this sentence matters.
• 17:44
  No need to sit up at 02: It may seem very simple, but just that sentence is reminding your system that you're not in a meeting, that you're not in tomorrow, you are in bed, and your job now is recovery.
• 18:02
  No need to sit up at 02: Step 2, 5 long exhales.
• 18:06
  No need to sit up at 02: 5 long, slow, deep inhales, and exhale is slightly longer than the inhale. That's all, 5 long exhales.
• 18:24
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: cock 1 thought.
• 18:33
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: If 1 thought keeps circling, write it down.
• 18:37
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: Have a notebook, notepad and pen by your bed and just write it down. Just 1 sentence, just 1 line, just 1 thought.
• 18:49
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: Doing this tells your brain, Do you know what?
• 18:52
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: It's been recorded. You don't need to worry about that now.
• 18:57
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: And then step 4, refuse the night shift.
• 19:00
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: Just say to yourself, This is a tomorrow problem.
• 19:04
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: My job now is recovery, and your job is to help me. That's it.
• 19:13
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: Because sleep is not avoidance, sleep is repair, and repair is not optional forever.
• 19:21
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: Your body does eventually send you the invoices.
• 19:25
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: Now, you know me, I love the useful distinction here between relief and restoration.
• 19:33
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: Relief is the moment the noise turns down a little, and restoration is where your system gets enough repeated safety, rest, and recovery to rebuild your capacity.
• 19:48
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: So a quick reset may not solve the whole issue, and that's fine.
• 19:54
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: It just interrupts the loop, and interrupting the loop is what matters, because when Work Stress has been stealing your sleep, you do not need another impossible routine, you don't.
• 20:09
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: You need a small, useful doorway back into Calm.
• 20:16
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: 1 breath, nice and slow, 1 sentence, 1 parked thought, 1 boundary around the night shift.
• 20:26
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: That is how recovery starts becoming possible again.
• 20:32
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: So your bed is not the boardroom.
• 20:36
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: You should make sure treat your bed as a sanctuary.
• 20:40
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: Make it feel like it's a place where you can truly relax.
• 20:46
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: The duvet is not a strategic planning board.
• 20:51
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: Your brain doesn't need to run a night shift just because Work Stress left the lights on.
• 20:57
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: If Work Stress and Sleep Disruption are part of your life right now, just remember your system may be overloaded, under supported.
• 21:08
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: The answer is not to feel shame about it, the answer begins with acknowledgement.
• 21:16
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: This is happening, it makes sense, my body is trying to protect me, and remember, calm 1st, reality 1st, then change.
• 21:27
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: Now, if this episode helped you in any way, even the littlest tiny way, please follow the podcast.
• 21:35
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: The link is in the show notes.
• 21:37
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: That way, the next Calm 1st episode is easy for you to find when your brain decides to open another tab.
• 21:46
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: Now remember, I am Cheryl Paris, and this has been Work Stress Anxiety by ABGW.
• 21:54
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: And remember, this podcast offers general well-being advice and reflective support. It's not meant to replace any kind of advice.
• 22:06
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: If your Sleep Disruption is severe, know, or persistent, or it's linked with pain, trauma or medication anything like that please seek appropriate professional support.
• 22:24
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: Your sleep matters, your recovery matters which is why every step you take no matter how small step towards a brighter more balanced future.
• 22:34
  Let the breath out be the main event. Step 3: Trust in your journey and remember progress is progress no matter the pace. I'll see you next time bye for now!