Latest / The Rochelle Christiane Podcast / 162. Drink from the Well and Follow Your Deepest Wisdom

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162. Drink from the Well and Follow Your Deepest Wisdom · The Rochelle Christiane Podcast

• 0:00
  Rochelle: Welcome to the emotional mastery podcast.
• 0:02
  Rochelle: I'm your host, rochelle.
• 0:03
  Rochelle: I'm a holistic, human design health coach, and this podcast is here to support you in your journey to understanding and regulating your emotions, to help you remember who you are, to ground into your knowing and to support you in all things spiritual, emotional and health mind, body and soul.
• 0:19
  Rochelle: I bring some amazing guests to share their story with you, and my goal is to have conversations that are supportive of wherever you find yourself in your journey.
• 0:27
  Rochelle: I thank you so much for being here.
• 0:29
  Rochelle: This podcast started as a space to just share my voice and over the years it has become so much more.
• 0:35
  Rochelle: Thank you so much for being here and thank you for your support.
• 0:39
  Rochelle: Now enjoy the show.
• 0:40
  Rochelle: Welcome back to another episode.
• 0:44
  Rochelle: If you hear children talking in the background, my daughter is in her room being a little bit loud on the phone, but it is what it is.
• 0:51
  Rochelle: This week I talked to Eliora on the podcast.
• 0:54
  Rochelle: She is both an author and an energy healer who specializes in how our emotions have the power, both negative and positive, to frame our lives.
• 1:02
  Rochelle: It's been her mission to guide others to see what is blocking them from living lives filled with love and compassion.
• 1:08
  Rochelle: Her new book Drink from the Well a Guide to Recognizing your Fears and Letting them Go, provides a pathway and the tools to recognize these blocks and to release them.
• 1:17
  Rochelle: One of the big themes that we talked about on this episode was really centered around fear and how fear really can control a lot of our lives, and I think we kind of know this, and anytime we're coming from a space that is not love, that is not connection, that is not tapped in, it really is coming from fear.
• 1:38
  Rochelle: I think the two biggest core emotions are love and fear, and so those are the opposites, and so she gives a lot of tools and tips from her new book and how we can navigate fear, and I think a huge part of it is always that awareness.
• 1:52
  Rochelle: We talked about a lot having awareness and creating awareness, and not that awareness makes things easier, because I actually think it makes things a lot more challenging, because we can't just numb or avoid or ignore or project right.
• 2:04
  Rochelle: We have to take responsibility.
• 2:06
  Rochelle: But I think once you take responsibility for it and once you see the fear for what it is and understand what it is, it loses so much of its weight.
• 2:15
  Rochelle: I read a book this week called Man's Search for Meaning and you've probably heard of it by Victor Frankel, but it was.
• 2:21
  Rochelle: He talks about logotherapy, which he really gets into in like the second half of the book, depending on what version you're reading.
• 2:28
  Rochelle: I think the second half was put in later but he talks about this, this concept of with patience of his almost.
• 2:37
  Rochelle: It's like that idea of like what you resist persist, right.
• 2:40
  Rochelle: So if you are afraid of one example he gives, if you're afraid of blushing, right.
• 2:46
  Rochelle: This is something I actually dealt with a lot in school like I would blush and then every single time I would get in a situation like don't do it, don't do it.
• 2:51
  Rochelle: And of course, like you're resisting it right, and in your mind doesn't understand the negatives.
• 2:55
  Rochelle: So your mind just hears like do it, do it.
• 2:58
  Rochelle: And so one thing that he says that he has clients do, have, has patients do in situations where they're so anxious and they're so nervous, instead of being like don't blush today, don't blush today, he like sort of makes it a little bit playful, like let me see how much I can blush with these people.
• 3:14
  Rochelle: And it's like sort of when you allow the appallafleness to be added to something, and so it takes away that fear, it takes away the weight of the thing and it's actually just a really simple, easy concept and I was like that makes so much sense.
• 3:31
  Rochelle: Because even with public speaking it's like, and I think what example he gives with somebody who stutters, right, and instead of being like, oh my gosh, don't stutter today, don't stutter today, don't stutter today, right, all your mind hears is stutter, stutter, stutter.
• 3:42
  Rochelle: And so instead of being playful and be like I want to see how badly I can stutter and, like, mess up these sentences.
• 3:49
  Rochelle: And it's like, once you take that weight off, then you're, then it's, it's more useful, or, if you're a writer, like, whatever, it is right.
• 3:56
  Rochelle: So it's just a really interesting one that I've kind of been playing with a little bit as I've been napped.
• 4:00
  Rochelle: You know, if I feel a little bit of anxiety, which doesn't happen as much as anymore, as it used to, but sort of like if I have to do something uncomfortable, whatever the fear is, make it a thing right, like, oh well, let me see.
• 4:12
  Rochelle: Whatever, whatever it is, this week I've been feeling so much more in my power.
• 4:20
  Rochelle: This week.
• 4:20
  Rochelle: It's been really, really.
• 4:22
  Rochelle: I felt so low for the better part of August and September and I feel like I don't know if it was the new moon in Virgo which I just felt like grounded me so much, and I've just been coming back to my practices and meditating every day, even if it's 10, 15 minutes.
• 4:35
  Rochelle: I've been trying to do 15 minutes, but I think last night I did like 10 minutes.
• 4:39
  Rochelle: But I'm just trying to like make sure I have these practices in place right, because it's not just what you do in the highs or the lows, like we have to do it in both, both spaces, to really be able to tap into that and bring it into your every day so that it becomes a thing right, so we can reach for the tools that we know work.
• 4:57
  Rochelle: And not only that.
• 4:59
  Rochelle: I also think it's sort of empowering in other areas of life when you're saying yes to yourself and saying no to other people and Lacey Phillips really talks about no being the most magnetic word, right when you're saying no to somebody else, you're saying yes to yourself, and it's something that if you're a people pleaser, if you're slightly codependent, it's really hard to say no and it's really hard to set boundaries.
• 5:23
  Rochelle: But I think once you start to do that, it feels so much more empowering and you can navigate things.
• 5:27
  Rochelle: So, literally the last like week I'd say I feel like I'm just like channeling.
• 5:32
  Rochelle: I don't know, it's just, it's crazy and what I'm, what I feel like, is coming through me, is really resonating with the people that are receiving it and it just feels so easy and fluid and flowing and it's a really beautiful energy that I'm really loving right now, because I think it's also this aspect of surrender.
• 5:49
  Rochelle: We talk about it all the time, but it's like what is surrender?
• 5:51
  Rochelle: Like giving up and I don't know.
• 5:54
  Rochelle: There's a combination.
• 5:55
  Rochelle: This is why I always like it's so important to continually be inspired.
• 6:00
  Rochelle: That's why I read so much, because I want to constantly inspire myself.
• 6:04
  Rochelle: I want to constantly be the best version of myself.
• 6:06
  Rochelle: I want to constantly like learn the tools and see what people are doing and, of course, I'm a six three, so that six line profile is the teacher, is the role model.
• 6:13
  Rochelle: I love to learn, I love to observe.
• 6:14
  Rochelle: I can't tell you how many programs I've joined where I like I'm air quitting or like I know the content.
• 6:19
  Rochelle: Of course, I also believe every single teacher has a different way to deliver the information.
• 6:23
  Rochelle: So even if you know all the information, you're still going to receive it differently.
• 6:26
  Rochelle: So that's an aspect of it.
• 6:27
  Rochelle: But I've joined so many problems that problems.
• 6:30
  Rochelle: I'm joined so many programs that I quote unquote, like know the content because I want to see how people do it, and that's such a part of the six line process.
• 6:40
  Rochelle: Right is observing, observation and then being able to take it and turn it and use it, and I don't know where I was going with that.
• 6:47
  Rochelle: I lost my train of thought.
• 6:48
  Rochelle: But that's just like such an important piece about you know, constantly being inspired, and so over the past week I've been, I started the Beyond the Veils program with Lauren Aletta, who's been on the podcast twice, amazing like she's always so magical and her content is so deep that it literally stirs my soul and it like reminded me we're on a call.
• 7:10
  Rochelle: I don't have my journal with me because I like downloaded a couple of things that she was talking but we were on this call on Sunday and it's like this.
• 7:16
  Rochelle: This whole it's all a journey of remembering right and resonate, or or follow and work with the people, the teachers, the guides that stir your soul, that stir that curiosity, that resonate with you.
• 7:31
  Rochelle: Not everybody's going to resonate with you and that's okay, and trusting yourself.
• 7:34
  Rochelle: Just because somebody has, you know, a million followers, if their message doesn't land with you, it doesn't mean that they're wrong.
• 7:41
  Rochelle: It doesn't mean that you're wrong.
• 7:42
  Rochelle: It just means that that message isn't for you and that's okay, and so it's just been.
• 7:48
  Rochelle: I think this surrendering of it is what it is, you know like, truly it is what it is, and I'm just trying to be so present and so in love with every moment, and, of course, it's not possible to be in that space all the time.
• 8:00
  Rochelle: That's also the beautiful thing about being human, and a lot of questions that I've been getting this past week have been a lot around, and this is something we really talk about in in uncover in the Holistic Human Design Academy is peeling back these layers and these nuances and understanding your chart, because your unique lens is your unique lens, right, and so, even when it comes to astrology or human design, the way you perceive something may not be that the way that the books tell you right.
• 8:28
  Rochelle: Like Venus, I'm reading a book on sexuality and the horoscope and I am going to get more into it, like once I finished it, because this is such a fascinating piece to me.
• 8:38
  Rochelle: I have Jupiter in the 8th house, and so all the sex and the dark and all those things really expand me and excite me.
• 8:44
  Rochelle: And I think that like scared me for a while because I was like, why am I attracted to like this side of life?
• 8:48
  Rochelle: Right, and it's just, it's a curiosity, it's just a duality and again, like Jupiter expands and it's in a bonyfic planet and it's abundance and it's optimistic and it's luck and it's joined like all these things, and also, if it's in a darker area, like the 8th house, is drug, sex and rock and roll, it's Pluto, it's Mars, it's Scorpio right, it's like getting down into the bowels of the chaos and the darkness, right and so.
• 9:14
  Rochelle: But so if you have, let's say, jupiter, jupiter in itself is love, values, beauty, morals, relationships, creativity, art, earth.
• 9:24
  Rochelle: Like you know, it rules tourists and Libra, so it presents differently in each of those, but those are like the core archetypes and themes of Venus, and so Venus in itself is always going to present in that way.
• 9:34
  Rochelle: So wherever Venus is in your chart, that's the core archetype of Venus.
• 9:39
  Rochelle: However, two people can experience Venus in such different ways.
• 9:45
  Rochelle: Right, if you have Venus conjunct, your son, that's a very different energy than Venus square Pluto, right, or Venus in the 8th house, opposite Pluto.
• 9:56
  Rochelle: It's a very different energy.
• 9:57
  Rochelle: So Venus in any aspect of Pluto, so oppositions hold so many lessons for each other.
• 10:04
  Rochelle: Venus rules tourists, which is one of the signs that holds a lot of sexual energy, because tourists is earth, it's mother nature, it is the feminine right, it is aphrodite, it is sexual senses, it's all those things.
• 10:20
  Rochelle: Scorpio, on the other hand, is sex.
• 10:23
  Rochelle: Pluto rules Scorpio and so and it's again the depth of it, it's like it's it's passion, it's intensity, it's tourists is also jealous.
• 10:34
  Rochelle: It's jealousy, it's possession.
• 10:35
  Rochelle: But these two dynamics hold lessons for each other.
• 10:39
  Rochelle: So when we're looking at sex in the zodiac, tourists and Scorpio are because Venus is sex, mars is sex, jupiter is sex right, and, in contrast, pluto is also sex in a little bit of a darker way.
• 10:52
  Rochelle: But when we're looking at those dynamics, right, like, you may experience sexuality way differently.
• 10:58
  Rochelle: If you have Venus in Pisces, conjunct your son, or if you have Venus in Scorpio Square, pluto, right, it's just so different.
• 11:08
  Rochelle: And so that's why it's like people say like well, I don't really resonate with this or something like that, right, or.
• 11:15
  Rochelle: Or I read this in a book and it just doesn't feel resonant to me but it's like, okay, but you have to look at it as a whole, right?
• 11:20
  Rochelle: And that's part of the Holistic Human Design Academy is where each week, we peel back layers, layers and look at it holistically, you know.
• 11:27
  Rochelle: And so it's just such a beautiful, beautiful program and it will be launching again in October.
• 11:32
  Rochelle: But I just wanted to say that if something doesn't resonate with you astrologically or you feel like you experience a certain planet differently, it's because your experience with that planet is so unique to you.
• 11:42
  Rochelle: It's not just the one aspect, it's the entire chart that comes together to create a story and I love peeling back the layers of that story and that's part of the program.
• 11:53
  Rochelle: We work together week by week and all the live calls and you have one on one sessions and we peel back the layers and we see how it's manifested in your life.
• 12:01
  Rochelle: We've seen how it's shown up in your life and it's just so beautiful to see the growth and the progression and the journey and the transformations that have happened, like throughout that, and the continue to happen, because this container doesn't end just when the program ends.
• 12:15
  Rochelle: Right, like you have lifetime access to the program, lifetime access to the Voxer Chat group, all of the things and so, anyway, it's just such a beautiful, beautiful program and this next round I have a few guests lined up that I'm really excited about.
• 12:30
  Rochelle: So the shadow work and subconscious module I'm going to be having a shaman come in and shamans do not shy away from the darkness, and so we're going to be diving pretty deep into that this round.
• 12:42
  Rochelle: But anyway, all the information needed for that is down the show notes.
• 12:45
  Rochelle: I really just brought that up because this episode we talk a lot about fear and I think when we shy away from fear, we don't want to feel fear or we're we're hesitant or we're fearful of fear, right, it holds so much more weight as opposed to when you can learn these tools and techniques that Eliora shares to really lessen that fear, to create awareness around that fear, then we can come into your deepest wisdom, as she calls it, that place inside of you that knows your truth, right.
• 13:13
  Rochelle: And when you can kind of allow it's like allowing a fear at a seat, at the table it becomes less and then it works with you and you can lessen the fear and it transforms and it's just such a beautiful process and I just feel like it's just, yeah, a lot of, I guess, what's been coming up, what I've been facing over the last couple of months and really really moving through.
• 13:33
  Rochelle: So, as always, this episode is divinely timed to the perfect time to come out, as always.
• 13:41
  Rochelle: So I really hope that you enjoy this episode.
• 13:45
  Rochelle: You can find me on Instagram at roshallchristian.
• 13:47
  Rochelle: That's R-O-C-H-E-L-L-E, dot C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N-E.
• 13:51
  Rochelle: Tiktok is the same website as roshallchristiancom.
• 13:54
  Rochelle: Sessions are available.
• 13:56
  Rochelle: Everything you need is down in the show notes.
• 13:57
  Rochelle: One-on-one sessions.
• 13:58
  Rochelle: 12-week program.
• 13:59
  Rochelle: Eliora, her website and her new book are down in the show notes, so go give her.
• 14:03
  Rochelle: Her website is so cool, it's a journey, it's not just a website where you click and do things.
• 14:10
  Rochelle: It takes you on a journey and it is so beautiful.
• 14:13
  Rochelle: So I definitely recommend you go down there and check it out and get her book.
• 14:17
  Rochelle: And, yeah, until next time.
• 14:20
  Rochelle: Enjoy this episode.
• 14:22
  Rochelle: Well, welcome to the emotional mastery podcast.
• 14:29
  Rochelle: This week I have Eliora, who is author and energy healer, and her newest book, drink From the Well, a guide to recognizing your fears and letting them go, is out now.
• 14:38
  Rochelle: So I'm going to hand over the floor to you just for you to introduce yourself, kind of tell your story and anything pivotal along the way that sort of got you to where you're at today, and then we will really dig into the core themes of your book and what you do.
• 14:51
  Eliora: Okay, thank you so much for inviting me to be here.
• 14:54
  Eliora: What an exciting topic emotional mastery.
• 14:57
  Eliora: It's like the purpose of my life.
• 14:58
  Eliora: So my journey began when I started to understand that if I was quiet, if I focused on my exhale which is a different type of meditation if I dropped down and in and started listening to what was going on inside of me rather than following my thoughts and my feelings, that I could begin to see and understand who I was from a different perspective.
• 15:29
  Eliora: It was like all of a sudden, everything flipped 180 degrees and I began to understand that what was controlling me, controlling my life, was my fear, and that it was my fear that was triggering my negative emotions.
• 15:46
  Eliora: It was my fear that was causing me to beat myself up when I made a mistake.
• 15:51
  Eliora: It was my fear that was causing my hurtful behavior.
• 15:54
  Eliora: And all along the way I have, I spend my entire day, every day, listening to that quiet voice inside of me.
• 16:02
  Eliora: I call it my deepest wisdom and I know I'm connecting to deepest wisdom because I can feel it in my body.
• 16:08
  Eliora: There's a resonance, there's an opening, there's a relaxation when it comes from listening to your soul, listening to that quiet voice, versus listening to your ego, your fear, your thinking, and so my whole path, my whole journey has been guided by my deepest wisdom, every day, all day, and it's taking me on routes and places I would personally have never gone and would probably have run for the hills, if I'd known I was going there.
• 16:34
  Eliora: The idea of writing a book was terrifying.
• 16:38
  Eliora: Speaking in public, terrifying for me, and yet, each step of the way, I'm like okay, all right, this is where I need to go.
• 16:47
  Eliora: Let's work through the fears, let's understand what's going on, let's get them out of the way so I can continue walking down my path and doing the work that I am being guided to do.
• 16:59
  Rochelle: That's beautiful.
• 16:59
  Rochelle: I feel that right and I think there's so much trust, like blind trust, to be able to step into that space and that role.
• 17:07
  Rochelle: I know in my journey it's like there's things that I know I've been called to do, whether it's speaking in public, and I'm shaking while I'm doing it and everything in me wants to run.
• 17:14
  Rochelle: But, yeah, everything in me wants to run right and it would be so easy to just not do it right.
• 17:20
  Rochelle: But to have that faith and that really tapped into that space in yourself, I think is such a beautiful quality and it's something that is really challenging to find.
• 17:30
  Rochelle: So I mean, if you want to share your journey of actually finding that space, what caused you to actually just trust it?
• 17:37
  Rochelle: And I know it's a journey for everybody, right?
• 17:40
  Rochelle: It's not nothing that happens overnight, but it would love if you felt called to share that, yeah.
• 17:45
  Eliora: Okay, because it's sort of like the central point of my whole life and my whole journey.
• 17:48
  Eliora: So I totally agree, it'd be very useful for other people maybe to understand what the path I took.
• 17:55
  Eliora: So what I began to understand was that my body, what I am actually physically feeling in my body, is my deepest wisdom speaking to me.
• 18:06
  Eliora: So when I check in with my body, I look to see how much tension I'm holding, especially in my chest and my abdomen, my throat, my jaw, and that's linked to my fear levels, that's linked to my negative emotions, my dark.
• 18:21
  Eliora: I call it my darkness.
• 18:22
  Eliora: Anything negative that comes from fear I call darkness.
• 18:25
  Eliora: And so I began to notice when I was feeling tight, when I was feeling tension and I trained as a scientist a long time ago, so I'm always qualifying things.
• 18:36
  Eliora: So I'm like, okay, on a scale from one to 10, how tight, how tense am I?
• 18:40
  Eliora: And if it was above a four or five, if it was really tight, then I knew that tension and fear, that fear and darkness, was in control.
• 18:48
  Eliora: And then I found that if I focused on my exhale so most meditation you put equal attention to both the inhale and the exhale.
• 19:00
  Eliora: And I found that if I just noticed I was inhaling, just made a mental note oh, here I'm inhaling.
• 19:07
  Eliora: And then, when I exhaled, I put all of my attention on every sensation.
• 19:14
  Eliora: I locked myself to be filled with the sensations of exhaling the sound of the air as it moved out of my nose and mouth, the feeling of the air, the vibration of the air as it moved out of my nose and my mouth, the dropping down and in of my chest as I exhaled.
• 19:32
  Eliora: If I put 100% of my focus on the sensations of breathing out, something magical happened.
• 19:38
  Eliora: I started to let go of thinking, I started just to let go in general, because that's what the process of exhaling is all about, isn't it?
• 19:46
  Eliora: It's about letting go of what you're holding onto the air.
• 19:49
  Eliora: And I found I would drop down and in to a really quiet, peaceful, safe space within me.
• 19:57
  Eliora: And it was like the biggest gift I had ever received, because my whole life I have been looking to feel the love, the safety, the belonging from outside of myself, from other people, and in that moment I was connecting, I was giving it to myself, I was connecting to that place in me where I felt safe, I felt like I was loved and supported and held and all it required was I take a moment and focus on my exhale, dropping down and in and letting go, and it was from that place that I started to learn that I could ask questions.
• 20:39
  Eliora: And then, if I went back to focusing on the exhale while I waited for the answer, I get answers not from ego, but from something quiet and deep within me.
• 20:49
  Eliora: So to me, ego is like when you're in grade school and there's always one kid that has all the answers, and so, before the teacher can even get the question out, the kids got the hand up and spouting out the answer.
• 21:01
  Eliora: That's your ego, that's your thinking mind.
• 21:03
  Eliora: And so what I found is, if I asked the question and then I kept my ego busy by focusing on my exhale right, it's completely busy, it's involved in doing something, it has a little job and then I waited I would hear a soft voice.
• 21:20
  Eliora: Sometimes it came in images, sometimes it's just words or music or thought or memory.
• 21:28
  Eliora: And that was my deepest wisdom speaking, and I could tell it was deepest wisdom because when I heard from deepest wisdom it would be almost like a release, a relief in my body.
• 21:38
  Eliora: I'd go ah and when it was ego answering me, my whole body I could feel would tighten up and I feel that tension in my body that told me okay, here's fear back again.
• 21:49
  Eliora: And so I started playing with that.
• 21:51
  Eliora: I started asking I would ask what do I want for breakfast?
• 21:55
  Eliora: I started asking questions about everything, just to give me the opportunity.
• 21:59
  Eliora: It was almost like I was making friends with a new person, I was communicating with a new person.
• 22:04
  Eliora: I just had to practice and in the beginning sometimes it would take me 10 minutes to get an answer, and now it's like 10 years later and it takes me seconds.
• 22:12
  Eliora: It's like this deepest wisdom is a constant presence in my life and I don't have to work so hard to connect because I've been practicing for so long.
• 22:23
  Rochelle: Yeah, that's beautiful, I think.
• 22:26
  Rochelle: I know, when I started my, I guess, when I like sort of woke up, right and began like tapping into that and realizing, you know, like you had mentioned, just like outsourcing everything outside of yourself, right, I did that for you know, the 31 years of my life, right, I just thought I was so deeply wrong and I gave everybody else my power.
• 22:42
  Rochelle: And I woke up one day and I was like, wow, you know, I was like so unhappy in that and so, but that process of like tapping in was very slow, right, because it's like a relationship you have to like build, like you say, like going in and spending 10 minutes and just like sort of like giving yourself that space and that time to be able to like actually hear it, because, like you said, the ego is so loud often and I love that analogy of like the kid that's like I know the answer, even though the question wasn't even asked.
• 23:06
  Rochelle: It's like shh, just wait, but yeah, I mean, I just yeah, I think that's that's a beautiful process and the starting with small things, you know, I think is really important and that for me it was like you know, you ask these like big questions that the ego, like in the subconscious right, can't even like fathom the answer too right, because it's like all these stories are like on loop and going through, and so it's just like finding those small things Like yeah, am I actually hungry right now?
• 23:34
  Rochelle: Like what do I want for a snack, like do I want to go here for dinner?
• 23:37
  Rochelle: You know, those little things like really build that trust up.
• 23:39
  Rochelle: So like for you, what do you feel like was just like as a timeline just for people listening?
• 23:46
  Rochelle: Was it Like months, years, getting to that point where you can like fully trust that voice?
• 23:52
  Eliora: So the more you use it, the faster you get there.
• 23:54
  Eliora: I have people who are like it's been years.
• 23:56
  Eliora: I'm like, how often do you do it?
• 23:58
  Eliora: Oh, once a week.
• 23:59
  Eliora: I'm like, okay, well, what do you want, Right?
• 24:04
  Eliora: And I think that when you, what I found was I would trust it and I would see how it play out.
• 24:09
  Eliora: And then I wouldn't trust it and I'd see how it play out, and almost always it bit my butt.
• 24:14
  Eliora: When I didn't trust it I would be like, oh man, I should have listened.
• 24:18
  Eliora: It was always.
• 24:19
  Eliora: It was just, it was a revelatory no, I say revelatory that it was never wrong when I listened to my deepest wisdom.
• 24:28
  Eliora: It always led me the right place and so over time, I would never I don't even get sit or not listening to my deepest wisdom, but because the few times I haven't always turn up badly for me and it's always taking me different place than I expected, that's the hard part.
• 24:47
  Eliora: The hard part is listening to deepest wisdom is trusting, and sometimes you're being trusting to go someplace that you really don't want to go, like writing a book, and you're like, wow, I really don't want to do that.
• 24:55
  Eliora: Okay, just going to give it a shot and let's see where we go.
• 24:59
  Eliora: So sometimes you just have to take the jump, even when you're scared.
• 25:05
  Rochelle: And I think so often are like our logical mind.
• 25:07
  Rochelle: That ego is like okay, but I want to see what'll happen.
• 25:10
  Rochelle: Both ways, right, and you're like you can't really have it that way and that's been a big lesson for me, right.
• 25:12
  Rochelle: It's like well, I just want to see what would happen if I did this thing that I know I'm not, I'm not supposed to do like what actually will happen there, as opposed to just like trusting.
• 25:20
  Rochelle: It's weird that our mind does that, right, it's like, instead of doing the thing that is a little bit scary, but we know like deep within us is going to bring greater results than we're it's just like, no, well, I want to see what will happen down this path.
• 25:30
  Rochelle: It's like no, just like trust in the process and really surrender to that.
• 25:35
  Rochelle: And I know for myself, like you said, talking to people who sort of like begin it and then it's like, well, I do it like once a week, right, and I think like that the ego really is the one that causes so much resistance to like sitting.
• 25:47
  Rochelle: Like I didn't really fully get into my meditation practice, probably until COVID was, when I you know, I was at home.
• 25:55
  Rochelle: So I was like okay, well, I don't have any excuses now, like I'm working late or I'm out with the kids or like there's no excuses, and so I really found this deeply spiritual space, like within myself and within my home, that I could come to and like actually then begin to practice that daily, you know, like coming in and trusting and asking the questions, and I don't always get it right.
• 26:15
  Rochelle: I'm a highly emotional person, so sometimes my emotions are just like blinding me, and you know, but also with awareness, knowing, sort of you know that I'm going that way.
• 26:24
  Rochelle: And there was something that you wrote in your book and I think it was like I don't know if it was in the forward or the first chapter, but it you know you had said emotions have the power to frame our lives and I think that's you know, especially with this podcast, my lesson in life has been emotions and I think that's so true, right, like we're always viewing from that lens.
• 26:40
  Rochelle: So I guess my question to you would be what have your relationships, what has your relationship with your emotions been throughout your life?
• 26:47
  Rochelle: And then, when you came into this work to truly trusting, how did it then transform and how do you, you know, have a relationship with your emotions now?
• 26:54
  Eliora: All right, wow.
• 26:55
  Eliora: So my relationship with my emotions was a nightmare as a child and even as a young adult, because in my family where I grew up, you were supposed to be happy, you weren't supposed to be expressing negative emotions.
• 27:07
  Eliora: You had to keep pushing them down and they were not accepted.
• 27:11
  Eliora: And so my emotions I just turned against myself and so I got depressed and it was a really, really hard journey for me, and I didn't even know what my emotions were.
• 27:22
  Eliora: I couldn't even name them because that was not part of the vocabulary of the family I grew up with.
• 27:29
  Eliora: Neither my parents knew it either.
• 27:31
  Eliora: It wasn't their vocabulary.
• 27:33
  Eliora: And so I went to therapy, you know, and my emotions, my emotions still controlled every moment of my day.
• 27:41
  Eliora: If I woke up in a bad mood, that was it colored my day.
• 27:45
  Eliora: If someone pissed me off, then I was done, and it was.
• 27:50
  Eliora: The way I think about it now is that I was a puppet on strings and my emotions were the puppet master, just pulling every, every, all my strings, all the time, controlling me without me even being aware of it.
• 28:02
  Eliora: And so when I started doing this work and started going in and understanding, I came up with this amazing I think it's amazing discovery, and that is it's going to sound so simple.
• 28:18
  Eliora: It's going to.
• 28:19
  Eliora: It might seem too simple, but I'm just going to give it a shot.
• 28:23
  Eliora: Every negative emotion you feel is the result of fear.
• 28:27
  Eliora: Everyone.
• 28:30
  Eliora: It could be grief, jealousy, anger, rage, resentment.
• 28:33
  Eliora: Any negative emotion you are experiencing is a result of fear, and people tend to think of fear is just oh, you know, I'm being afraid for your life, but that's not fear.
• 28:43
  Eliora: Fear is a constant presence in your life.
• 28:46
  Eliora: We have three common fears the fear that we're going to be judged and rejected, the fear that we're not going to get what we think we want and need, and the fear we're going to lose something, either from our life or from how we see ourselves.
• 28:59
  Eliora: Those are the basic three, and so what I understood after a while was that if you think of it as a chemical reaction with fear on one side, big arrow going to negative emotions, that there is another arrow going back the other way, and if you attribute your negative emotions to fear, you no longer need to express those negative emotions.
• 29:27
  Eliora: Okay, this is.
• 29:28
  Eliora: I know it sounds.
• 29:29
  Eliora: It's really huge, and I started doing it for myself and I would be depressed.
• 29:33
  Eliora: I'd be like feeling so physically depressed I could hardly move and I'd be like, okay, this is because I'm afraid, I'm feeling depressed, because I am afraid and the depression would lift and I'd be like what the heck?
• 29:48
  Eliora: And I came up with three sentences that I say to attribute any darkness which could be your emotions, your thoughts, your behaviors, back to the fear, so that you no longer need to express your fear that way, because once you recognize it's fear, you don't need to express it as darkness.
• 30:05
  Eliora: So the three sentences I have is this is me, eleora, filled with fear.
• 30:12
  Eliora: This is me, eleora, overwhelmed with fear.
• 30:16
  Eliora: So fear is now starting to take control.
• 30:19
  Eliora: And this is me, eleora, expressing my fear by feeling depressed, telling myself I can't do it, laying in bed and not getting up, whatever it is.
• 30:30
  Eliora: And just the deal is, you say it out loud because it's not a thinking logic game, it's a whole body experience.
• 30:39
  Eliora: And you breathe, you focus on the exhale as you're doing it, so it goes in, because you don't want it up in your head, you want it in your body and as you do it, you're going to find that whatever negative emotion, whatever darkness that was overwhelming you, is becoming more neutral, it's not in the way anymore.
• 30:58
  Eliora: The fear is still there, but all that darkness that came from it is no longer in control.
• 31:06
  Rochelle: Does that make sense?
• 31:07
  Rochelle: Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
• 31:08
  Rochelle: And I think that you know, I think a lot of people, that polarity between love and hate, but I think even hate is an expression of fear.
• 31:14
  Rochelle: Right, Like I'm not going to say I'm not going to say that you're, you know.
• 31:17
  Rochelle: So I think that's that, that acknowledging the fear and integrating it in a sense right, because, like, when you're acknowledging it in that way and creating awareness, then it sort of loses its power.
• 31:28
  Eliora: Well, there's another step.
• 31:29
  Eliora: So that's the first step to get to get like oh the darkness.
• 31:32
  Eliora: The second step is seeing what you're afraid of, because when you sit and see your fear then you're like whoa it goes from your total reality to just an illusion, and then it loses its power.
• 31:43
  Rochelle: Yeah, and I think so often, like so many of us are just like on autopilot expressive, right, we feel something, we express it, we react, we have anger, we yell at somebody, but so few of us actually like that question, like, okay, I'm reacting in this way and what does this mean about me?
• 32:01
  Rochelle: What do I take this situation to mean about me?
• 32:03
  Rochelle: What story is on autopilot, like, what story is my subconscious saying and where did this come from?
• 32:07
  Rochelle: Right, and I think that in itself, you know, beginning with the awareness, right, and then reframing it and sort of like that piece is huge, and then also, like you said, like questioning it, like why am I afraid?
• 32:18
  Rochelle: What is it that I'm afraid of Are hugely powerful tools to then then, the next time you're in that situation, right, then you can be like, okay, well, now I remember I'm feeling this way because, and then just like slowly, we're able to shift that story that we have.
• 32:34
  Eliora: Well so.
• 32:35
  Eliora: So there's two things going on and I agree with you 100%.
• 32:38
  Eliora: So the first thing is, when you're, when you're overwhelmed with darkness, when you're really feeling strong negative emotions or beating yourself up or being really mean to yourself or someone else, attributing it to the fear allows you to let go of the darkness so you can see more clearly.
• 32:55
  Eliora: I used it with little kids.
• 32:57
  Eliora: When little kids are really angry, saying to them what are you afraid of?
• 33:02
  Eliora: I can see you're really angry, what is it you're afraid of?
• 33:05
  Eliora: Because that helps them and then their anger is gone.
• 33:08
  Eliora: It's like a light switch.
• 33:11
  Eliora: I would love if everyone just tried it after this podcast, just went and gave it a shot and see what happened, because as a scientist, I always tell everyone the proof is in the pudding.
• 33:24
  Eliora: You try it, you see, you try it for yourself and you see does it resonate?
• 33:28
  Eliora: Does it work?
• 33:29
  Eliora: And if it does, you've got a new tool.
• 33:30
  Eliora: If it doesn't, then maybe you weren't doing it right or maybe it doesn't work.
• 33:34
  Eliora: So we have that.
• 33:36
  Eliora: And then I have found that when you actually see your fears and own them, that sometimes just letting go that fear, it's almost like you've got a big old sack on your back with loaded down with fears and you're letting them go.
• 33:54
  Eliora: You're releasing them and some of them are huge from your childhood, that you're just a less fearful person in general.
• 34:02
  Eliora: It's not just that you know next time that this is what's going on, but you are changing inside as a person as a result of letting go of those fears.
• 34:12
  Eliora: It's just, it's amazing.
• 34:14
  Eliora: Your whole perspective on yourself, the world completely shifts as you start letting go of fears.
• 34:21
  Rochelle: Yeah, I just had a conversation with an engineer and he's into like epigenetics and the quantum field and things like that, but he was saying that every second you create or you're like regenerate like 800,000 cells, right, and 97% of them are adaptable, like they're looking for something to be, and so, just like you said, when we're releasing those fears, we're literally rewriting in our DNA, right, so we're able to then move forward in different situations from a different way, because we're literally creating a new being within us.
• 34:49
  Rochelle: A new being, yeah.
• 34:52
  Eliora: I like to think of it as imagine that you came into the world, this very light filled the being, and as you grew up, you learned about fear and you learned how to cope with fear from your family and society.
• 35:03
  Eliora: And it started covering up that light and, as you, releasing the fears.
• 35:08
  Eliora: This light filled being is taking up more and more space.
• 35:10
  Eliora: So you, who you were born to be, is being allowed to be more present, more vibrant, taking up a greater part of who you are.
• 35:20
  Eliora: So it's not like you're recreating someone new.
• 35:23
  Eliora: You're actually becoming the person you were born to be.
• 35:26
  Rochelle: It's like a remembering.
• 35:28
  Eliora: Because people get really scared at the thought of changing and not knowing who they are.
• 35:31
  Eliora: But you know who you are because in those moments, everyone has moments when they are just filled with light, when you're just.
• 35:39
  Eliora: Everyone has a memory of being really happy or connected and if you just close your eyes and remember one of those moments, what it felt like, how you saw the world, how you saw yourself, how you were responding, that's you and your light and that's what you're becoming more of by working through your fears.
• 35:59
  Eliora: Just that person.
• 36:03
  Rochelle: I started doing pranic healing meditations during COVID was sort of it's like I don't know how best to explain it, but one of the meditations was it's like healing, it's like the Twin Hearts meditation is what it's called, right.
• 36:16
  Rochelle: So it's like you are blessing the world and through that you're blessing yourself, you're blessing yourself and through that you're blessing the world.
• 36:20
  Rochelle: But part of the things was to tap into a loving memory right when you have that joy and you're activating that within you so that you can tap into yourself.
• 36:28
  Rochelle: And it just sort of that was coming to me as you were speaking, because it's very similar to just tapping into that.
• 36:33
  Rochelle: And then I wanted to with the kids.
• 36:36
  Rochelle: Being able to refame it for kids, I think, is so beautiful.
• 36:40
  Rochelle: I have a six year old son and he is just at that age, I think, where I don't want to say he has anger issues, but when he gets angry it's kind of explosive a little bit and I know, like you, in childhood we didn't talk about emotions, we didn't talk about negative emotions, we were just all supposed to be happy all the time and with him when he's explosive like that, I always sort of, I think when you allow them to know that their emotion is not wrong and it has a space here, and to ask what are you upset about or what is like you said.
• 37:12
  Rochelle: I'm going to ask him that next time, what are you afraid about?
• 37:14
  Rochelle: But sometimes I'll just be like are you feeling, do you think that I'm mad at you and that's why you're reacting this way?
• 37:19
  Rochelle: I think it's just identifying and allowing the emotion to be as it is allows it to lose the weight of that explosiveness, because they're not having to, like, shove it down and keep it inside.
• 37:31
  Eliora: You know, recognizing it is huge right and accepting it as just a normal human emotion, because most people are like fear is bad, fear is wrong, negative emotions no, they're a normal part of being a human being.
• 37:47
  Eliora: They don't need to be in control.
• 37:49
  Eliora: And so when you stop feeling shame and stop feeling embarrassed about your negative emotions and your fear, then it's just like oh yeah, okay, let's just clear this one out.
• 37:59
  Eliora: It's not no big deal, it's just part of your day.
• 38:03
  Eliora: I call it like it's almost like emotional hygiene.
• 38:06
  Eliora: You know, you brush your teeth two or three times a day.
• 38:08
  Eliora: You clear out your negative emotions two or three times a day.
• 38:11
  Rochelle: Yeah, I've like sort of gotten to this practice.
• 38:14
  Rochelle: I heard it, I don't know, maybe like a couple months ago too.
• 38:17
  Rochelle: You know, when negative emotions like that come up, I mean, I'm always doing the work, but then also because, like you said, it's like the negative emotions or the dark emotions, right, it's not good or bad, they simply are.
• 38:31
  Rochelle: It's what we do with them, right, that causes the label.
• 38:34
  Rochelle: So it's like also, when they're coming up, it's been like okay, and so what?
• 38:37
  Rochelle: Right, like, just to like sort of lessen that, like weight that we have like, because I think it's huge, that shame, right, that shame.
• 38:44
  Rochelle: It's like feeling this way and I shouldn't be feeling this way, and then you try and hide it and cover it and it's just like, instead like integrating it, you know, recognizing it.
• 38:56
  Rochelle: Mm-hmm.
• 38:57
  Eliora: Recognizing it, just saying, wow, I'm.
• 38:59
  Eliora: You know, this is.
• 38:59
  Eliora: This is what's going on in me right now and I have a choice I can attribute it to fear which will make those negative emotions and negative behaviors go away.
• 39:09
  Eliora: The fear is still there at that moment and then you can choose in the book.
• 39:14
  Eliora: It talks about how to recognize your fears, seeing the situation that's triggering it.
• 39:18
  Eliora: And then you have.
• 39:19
  Eliora: You know there's three fears.
• 39:21
  Eliora: It could be that you're afraid of being judged, you're afraid you're not going to get what you think you want and need, or you're afraid you're going to lose something, and then just sort of listening to deepest wisdom to help you identify what it is.
• 39:34
  Eliora: And when you do, then everything's gone, then the negative emotions are gone, the fear is gone and you're in a brand new place, not carrying that burden any longer.
• 39:46
  Eliora: Mm-hmm, and it's.
• 39:47
  Eliora: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
• 39:50
  Eliora: It to me, what is so astonishing about the work that I've sort of been doing is how simple and doable it is.
• 40:03
  Eliora: It's not asking people to you know, stop thinking any negative thoughts ever again, right which is what a lot of religions or just never be mean again or never say anything mean, right?
• 40:14
  Eliora: It's not saying that.
• 40:15
  Eliora: It's saying it's normal, it's human and it doesn't need to be in control, and this is how you can start to get control over it, and it doesn't have to be shameful.
• 40:28
  Rochelle: Yeah, I think that's a core piece to it.
• 40:30
  Rochelle: You know, I know you have like some like tools throughout the book and one of them is the exhale.
• 40:36
  Rochelle: I love that, like focusing on the exhale, like bringing yourself into your body.
• 40:39
  Rochelle: Do you want to share like a few more of the tools that you have throughout the book, Just sort of?
• 40:44
  Eliora: Yeah, yeah, I use all the time and it's, it's I find it to be one of the most life-changing tools is to protect myself from the negative emotions of others.
• 40:55
  Eliora: Okay, and the way I do it is very simple.
• 41:00
  Eliora: All my tools are simple.
• 41:01
  Eliora: They it's like riding a bike is simple, but it takes practice to get used to it and to get good at it.
• 41:08
  Eliora: So let us say that I am with someone.
• 41:11
  Eliora: Let's say I'm with my husband and he's really angry and I can feel, I know that his anger is triggering fear in me, because I can feel I'm getting tight.
• 41:19
  Eliora: You can do this, use this tool and it's saying three sentences and the first sentence is this is my husband Paul filled with fear?
• 41:29
  Eliora: And this is my husband Paul over one with fear.
• 41:32
  Eliora: Sounds very familiar, doesn't it?
• 41:34
  Eliora: And this is my husband Paul expressing his fear by being angry, by yelling at me, by snapping at me, everything that he's doing that is upsetting me.
• 41:43
  Eliora: I put in that list and I'm breathing, focusing on my exiles.
• 41:48
  Eliora: I'm creating this list of everything that person is doing that is upsetting me, not my interpretation.
• 41:54
  Eliora: They're trying to.
• 41:55
  Eliora: Not, I'm not saying he's trying to hurt my feelings.
• 41:58
  Eliora: That doesn't.
• 42:00
  Eliora: That doesn't give you any information.
• 42:01
  Eliora: You want the facts.
• 42:02
  Eliora: How is he trying to hurt my feelings?
• 42:03
  Eliora: Oh, he's telling me I'm stupid.
• 42:05
  Eliora: He doesn't, but that's just a sample.
• 42:07
  Eliora: He's walking out of the room and I'm interpreting it that way.
• 42:11
  Eliora: And what happens is three things happen when you do that.
• 42:15
  Eliora: The first is you are acknowledging that this person's darkness is coming from their fear.
• 42:24
  Eliora: It's their problem.
• 42:25
  Eliora: It has nothing to do with you.
• 42:26
  Eliora: The second thing you're doing is you're acknowledging that all this darkness is just because they're afraid.
• 42:35
  Eliora: And when you think about that, even someone who's really hurt you this person's being a jerk to me and is hitting me or whatever because they're afraid.
• 42:43
  Eliora: You have a bit of compassion in you, because we all know how crappy it is to feel afraid.
• 42:49
  Eliora: And the third thing it does is it prevents you from getting dark and fearful yourself.
• 42:59
  Eliora: I call it making a light shield, because so you're protecting yourself, so you're not getting dark, and when it offers you, you're not taking it personally and you're beginning to have some insight into what is driving this person's behavior.
• 43:11
  Eliora: Is coming from their fear, and you can do it for the present and you can do it for the past.
• 43:18
  Eliora: So if you have a memory, let's say something has happened to you in the past and you think about it and it hurts your feeling for upset you.
• 43:25
  Eliora: Inside, you can create a light shield.
• 43:28
  Eliora: You can go back and say, okay, that was this person filled with fear, that was this person that was alone with fear, and this is that person expressing their fear by doing this.
• 43:38
  Eliora: And what happens is eventually, when you create your light shield, you can remember that moment and it doesn't hurt you anymore.
• 43:44
  Eliora: You're not caring your upset from that moment anymore.
• 43:49
  Eliora: Inside of you it's like you've let go of that heavy sack you've been carrying and you've lightened your load.
• 43:55
  Eliora: And it is just a miracle, because I think a lot of the fear we carry is other people's, and so it's just.
• 44:06
  Eliora: It's transformed my life, and I do it all the time.
• 44:08
  Eliora: When I'm with someone and I'm like, oh man, are they in a bad mood?
• 44:12
  Eliora: I'll create a light shield.
• 44:14
  Eliora: The deal is you have to say it out loud.
• 44:16
  Eliora: You have to say those three sentences with the name and their role in your life, and you have to list the facts, not just your interpretations of what they are doing to upset you, because it doesn't matter why.
• 44:29
  Eliora: What matters is that you're trying to give some space so that it doesn't trigger fear in you.
• 44:33
  Eliora: Does that make sense in a way?
• 44:36
  Rochelle: Yeah, that makes a lot of sense and I think understanding that others react, whether it's from anger, aggression, from a place of fear, has helped me in my own life really forgive people who have hurt me or I perceived in those situations and although I don't allow them in my life now and I have like strict boundaries there, it gives me that sense of compassion and forgiveness, to be like okay, I see how much you are, you are actually hurting and how afraid you are of your circumstances.
• 45:03
  Rochelle: Right, Right.
• 45:05
  Rochelle: But you're going to stay there too.
• 45:07
  Eliora: But yeah, but the fact is sometimes, especially if you do it with a breathing and let it go deep inside of you, you can have that person be back in your life, just setting nice firm boundaries so that it doesn't.
• 45:20
  Eliora: They can't, and because, guess what, there's a finite number of light shields.
• 45:25
  Eliora: So I have people who used to push my buttons like no tomorrow, who don't even affect me anymore.
• 45:31
  Eliora: Yeah, not at all, I don't have to make light shields for them and they're still doing the same crap.
• 45:37
  Eliora: But to me it doesn't bother me because I've created enough light shields and it stays with me.
• 45:42
  Eliora: They're cumulative, and so now I have people who I don't like but I can have in my life because they're maybe, you know, related or you know, or like or work situations that you have to see every day.
• 45:56
  Eliora: And you can just sort of, but you can do it without it upsetting you from a neutral place, which is like what a gift.
• 46:02
  Eliora: Hey, yeah, that's a.
• 46:04
  Eliora: Let them negatively impact you, Holy moly.
• 46:06
  Eliora: Mm, hmm.
• 46:08
  Rochelle: Yeah, and how do you discern what is yours and what is someone else's fear?
• 46:14
  Eliora: So what is yours.
• 46:16
  Eliora: So when I let's say when I, when I, when something goes on, let's say I'm you and I are talking and you upset me, okay, and and or maybe I think you upset me and I try to create a light shield, and I'm like, okay, it's because she said this and this and she looked at me and out of her left eye, sort of funny, or she's, you know, whatever they do, and I make a light shield and it has no effect on me at all, then I'm like, okay, maybe it's just me.
• 46:44
  Eliora: You know what I mean.
• 46:45
  Eliora: It's an easy way to distinguish.
• 46:48
  Eliora: It is there's a light shield, help, it's a light shield will help part way.
• 46:51
  Eliora: And you need to then look at your own fears and sometimes you sort of do know, don't you, when someone's pushing your buttons?
• 46:58
  Eliora: If they're pushing your buttons, then it's coming from them and you need to clear that out first, and then you can go and see, okay, what's actually going on in me now.
• 47:09
  Eliora: And it only doesn't take long to make a light shield Five minutes.
• 47:15
  Rochelle: Yeah, that was giving me my next question how this actually looks like in real time.
• 47:20
  Rochelle: Right, If you're in a situation where somebody is like triggering you and sort of like that process.
• 47:24
  Eliora: People like ask me, and so I'll say.
• 47:26
  Eliora: Sometimes I'll say can you go to the bathroom, can you go get a drink of water, can you just take a break for a moment?
• 47:31
  Eliora: And the deal is, let's say, someone's upsetting you and you can't get away from them.
• 47:35
  Eliora: You can come back retrospectively and clear it out after the fact.
• 47:39
  Eliora: So it doesn't.
• 47:40
  Eliora: You don't carry it along any further.
• 47:42
  Eliora: Does that make sense?
• 47:44
  Eliora: Yeah.
• 47:45
  Eliora: But you have to say it out loud.
• 47:47
  Eliora: It doesn't have to be loud, it doesn't have to be screaming it from the rooftops.
• 47:50
  Eliora: You can mumble it under your breath, but you need to hear it because it goes from being a thought to almost being something that you're observing and taking into your body when you say it out loud.
• 48:03
  Rochelle: Can you repeat those three phrases one more time?
• 48:05
  Rochelle: Yeah, and they're in the book too.
• 48:06
  Eliora: So this is blank and their role filled with fear.
• 48:11
  Eliora: This is blank and their role overwhelmed with fear.
• 48:14
  Eliora: And this is blank in their role, expressing their fear by and it could be their emotions, their words, what they're doing.
• 48:23
  Eliora: It could be what they're not doing right.
• 48:27
  Eliora: They're not saying thank you after I did all this big work, they're not all right.
• 48:32
  Eliora: And it could also be body language.
• 48:34
  Eliora: I was doing a light shield with someone and I had made like 10 and nothing was happening.
• 48:40
  Eliora: And then, all of a sudden, I remembered that this person rolls their eyes every time I speak and I was like, oh my God.
• 48:47
  Eliora: And I created that light shield and it was like, oh, it's fine, that person doesn't bother me anymore.
• 48:52
  Eliora: So sometimes it's body language that really sets you off, so you just have to look out and see what's getting under my skin.
• 49:00
  Rochelle: Yeah, and I think, like you said, like identifying the facts as opposed to our interpretation of them, because that, I think, is key, right, because you have so many interpretations based on the past and what's happened before.
• 49:13
  Rochelle: But it's like is this actually do I know, like without a doubt, that that's true right now it's what's the facts?
• 49:18
  Eliora: Just the facts, because the thing is too is I might be interpreting it as trying to hurt me and it doesn't matter.
• 49:25
  Eliora: What are they doing?
• 49:27
  Eliora: What are they actually doing?
• 49:28
  Eliora: And so that was hard to teach people.
• 49:31
  Eliora: And the other big thing is to breathe, to focus on your exhale.
• 49:35
  Eliora: With each item, they're you know, they're telling me I'm stupid.
• 49:38
  Eliora: Breathe, focus on your exhale, feel it in your body, let it drain out.
• 49:42
  Eliora: What else are they doing?
• 49:43
  Eliora: How else are they expressing their fear?
• 49:45
  Eliora: They're walking away from me.
• 49:46
  Eliora: Breathe, because then it goes from being a thinking process to a deep body response.
• 49:54
  Eliora: Does that make sense?
• 49:56
  Eliora: You have to have it in your body for it to have an effect.
• 49:59
  Eliora: So, just breathing, we'll take it there, especially focusing on the exhale, because when you focus on your exhale, you can't be in your head.
• 50:07
  Eliora: You got to be in your body.
• 50:09
  Eliora: It's just part of the deal.
• 50:13
  Rochelle: Yeah, and I think that you know, especially when you're in a trigger or something intense is happening, often it's really hard to get there, right?
• 50:21
  Rochelle: I think that breathing piece, you know if you can.
• 50:23
  Rochelle: I've found just with myself like being able to just go to the bathroom and breathe for a few minutes and just like kind of release energy.
• 50:29
  Rochelle: Exactly Right.
• 50:31
  Rochelle: It's so helpful in like actually coming into my body and trusting myself and being like, ok, I can be OK in this situation, like I am safe, even like sometimes that I'm like, if that's the only thing that I can repeat is like I am safe, I am safe right To remind myself that and then, like you said, kind of going back and like a situation, and then you know, identifying the fears and things like that can be really helpful.
• 50:52
  Rochelle: But yeah, that coming into your body and just getting into that parasympathetic nervous system.
• 50:57
  Eliora: Exactly Shifting it from the fight or fight to rest and digest Huge, and then, when you're focusing on the sensations you're at your body, it's one of the easiest ways to get out of your thinking mind is to be connected to one of your senses, like looking at a plant, feeling the breeze, tasting something.
• 51:18
  Eliora: Anything with your senses takes you out of your head and bring you into your body.
• 51:22
  Eliora: So that's why this practice of focusing on the exhale is so powerful.
• 51:27
  Rochelle: And why do you think so many people just have an extreme discomfort with just being in their body without their mind.
• 51:33
  Eliora: Because OK, this is what I understand that everyone is afraid of who they are deep down inside, and it's one, two or three things, or probably all three.
• 51:45
  Eliora: Either they think that there's nothing inside, or they think there's something broken and defective inside, or they're afraid there's a monster inside, and so they run away and avoid being with themselves because they're so afraid what they're going to find if they actually sit and be quiet and be with themselves.
• 52:03
  Eliora: Does that make sense?
• 52:05
  Eliora: It's so sad, absolutely.
• 52:06
  Rochelle: Yeah, yeah, I mean, as you were talking, like, for me it's always been anger, right, it's the fear of, because that's the one emotion I feel like I've repressed my entire life.
• 52:15
  Rochelle: It's been mirrored back to me externally, right.
• 52:19
  Rochelle: I feel like I've called in people that were angry, right?
• 52:22
  Rochelle: Oh, right, right, yeah, for sure, and it's inside of me that I was avoiding, so it's like I'm going to bring it to you in all sorts of ways so you can face it in yourself, right.
• 52:28
  Rochelle: But there is that fear of losing control of that anger and what that means, right.
• 52:32
  Eliora: And so for a long time.
• 52:33
  Eliora: What kind of?
• 52:33
  Speaker 3: person are you?
• 52:34
  Speaker 3: What kind of person are you Exactly?
• 52:35
  Speaker 3: You feel so much anger, right?
• 52:37
  Eliora: Exactly.
• 52:38
  Rochelle: You feel?
• 52:38
  Eliora: like there's perhaps a monster in there.
• 52:39
  Eliora: And if you close down, you shut down, close your eyes and drop down.
• 52:43
  Eliora: And, in Holy moly, what are you going to say?
• 52:46
  Eliora: Yeah.
• 52:47
  Eliora: But the nice thing is, focusing on the exhale drops you into that quiet space, so it's very reassuring.
• 52:53
  Eliora: You start doing your meditation that way and you go into that quiet space and it's like wow, this feels OK, it feels sort of nice.
• 53:02
  Eliora: The other thing I think people don't like to meditate is because they feel like they fail all the time.
• 53:06
  Rochelle: Yes, I hear that a lot.
• 53:08
  Eliora: And so I changed my mindset on it.
• 53:11
  Eliora: I realized that every moment, every nanosecond that I'm connecting with the quiet place in myself is success.
• 53:19
  Eliora: So let's say, I meditate for 10 minutes and I have one second of connecting Wow, what a gift to connect for that one second.
• 53:27
  Eliora: And I also in the book I explained that every time that you start thinking and you're focusing on your exhale also, the thought pops up in your head.
• 53:39
  Eliora: All you need to do is to say, huh, I'm thinking and bring your focus back to the breath, the exhale, and then you're thinking again and you bring your focus back to the exhale.
• 53:51
  Eliora: Every time you do that, you are teaching yourself.
• 53:55
  Eliora: You are more than your thoughts, you are more than your feelings.
• 53:59
  Eliora: It's a lesson.
• 54:00
  Eliora: It's a very powerful lesson, because then you begin to see that this soul is who you truly are, not these thoughts, not these feelings, because you're choosing to come back to it over and over again, and you begin to see that you are so much more than your ego.
• 54:17
  Eliora: And so every time you possibly do that let's say, you get distracted and think 100 times during your meditation and you bring it back 50 times.
• 54:30
  Eliora: Wow, wow, look at you go.
• 54:33
  Eliora: You did that you did it 50 times.
• 54:36
  Eliora: And then the last thing that helped me a lot is there's an amazing Buddhist nun named Pema Shodhvara and she talked about how the times when you're meditating that are the hardest are the ones that are the most positive and beneficial.
• 54:50
  Eliora: So those times when I was just going crazy I couldn't even sit still I was like this is beneficial, this is beneficial.
• 54:57
  Rochelle: Pema says it's good.
• 54:58
  Eliora: I'm just going to keep going because Pema says it is Because when it's easy there's no challenge is there, Exactly, yeah, and I think a big part of meditation is sitting there.
• 55:10
  Rochelle: When you don't want to be right.
• 55:11
  Rochelle: It's like if you can sort of train your body to stay still in those moments, even if it's five minutes, right, five minutes, 10 minutes.
• 55:17
  Rochelle: There are days where everything in me is resistant to meditation.
• 55:20
  Rochelle: But I'm just going to sit a five minute timer and, even if I'm thinking the whole time right, it's like just coming to that space, because with practice you will find that space within you and once you drop in there, then likely you want to stay past five minutes.
• 55:31
  Rochelle: But it's like that's true, yes, but I think I start people out at two minutes.
• 55:36
  Eliora: I'm like two minutes Can you do two minutes, yeah.
• 55:38
  Eliora: And they're like yeah, I can do two minutes, yeah, exactly.
• 55:42
  Rochelle: It doesn't have to be long, does it?
• 55:43
  Rochelle: Yeah, no, it doesn't At all.
• 55:45
  Rochelle: And I think I was having a conversation with someone the other day too, about meditation, and sometimes we'll have these deeply mystical experiences, right, we're sort of taking it.
• 55:55
  Rochelle: It took me so long to even experience that one time but then it's like that's not going to be an ever Like.
• 56:00
  Rochelle: Once you hit that too, I think sometimes we get frustrated because we're like well, wait, where to go?
• 56:05
  Rochelle: Like I just felt it once and it's like no, it's never, like it's not going to happen every single time.
• 56:11
  Rochelle: And I think sometimes people have that in the start of their journey, right, one of the first few meditations.
• 56:16
  Rochelle: They can find that, and then they don't again, and then they're like ah, forget this, you know.
• 56:21
  Eliora: Yeah, I know, and I tell people it's never going to be the same twice.
• 56:24
  Eliora: Yeah, just, and don't get attached.
• 56:27
  Eliora: What the journey is?
• 56:29
  Eliora: To let go of your attachments, attachments that come from fear, right?
• 56:34
  Eliora: So your fear is you're not doing it right, you're not going to get what you think you want, need, which is that mystical experience again, right To know that you're on the right path to feel really good again, that you're going to lose seeing yourself as this great meditator or this really spiritually connected person, and so it's the attachment that is the problem.
• 56:54
  Eliora: And so I tell people it's never going to happen the same way twice.
• 56:59
  Eliora: And to be open to experiencing whatever it looks like and feels like in this moment in time, because you are constantly changing, and just to be curious, what does it feel like today?
• 57:10
  Eliora: There is no right or wrong.
• 57:11
  Eliora: Every time is exactly what it needs to be.
• 57:15
  Eliora: Yeah.
• 57:17
  Eliora: So, yeah, sometimes it's, I agree.
• 57:19
  Eliora: Sometimes it's lovely to feel that mystical, and then other times you're like, oh, today wasn't the most happy meditation, but I got a lot of reminding myself that there are just thoughts, and to allow myself to see myself from the perspective of my ego is not myself that I have an ego, but I also have a soul.
• 57:45
  Rochelle: Yeah, I think that attachment piece, that fear of losing something, is huge.
• 57:51
  Rochelle: I, oh my gosh, like for so much my life I was like insane with like jealousy, right Cause it's like that attachment, that possession, like, oh my gosh, I'm gonna lose this thing, right, it's that fear of not having a thing right, that fear of like not being enough and not being worthy, and I feel like every now and again I'll experience it like on like a way minor scale than I used to, but it did.
• 58:12
  Rochelle: It was like releasing that right.
• 58:13
  Rochelle: It was finding some way and somehow, during a meditation or whatever it was, that was just like, oh, like.
• 58:18
  Rochelle: This doesn't mean X, y, z about me, this doesn't mean that I'm not worthy, this doesn't mean that I'm, you know, have to live in this state.
• 58:24
  Rochelle: So I think that acknowledging that attachment piece as it relates to fear, yeah, it is all attachment is fear.
• 58:34
  Eliora: All attachment is fear and all expectations are fear.
• 58:37
  Eliora: They're all fear driven and they're basically they're supposed to help us, protect us from our fear, yeah, and so if you can see what's driving them, it gives you a lot more freedom, right?
• 58:50
  Eliora: Because, like, even expectations or expectations for other people are created just to try to keep us safe.
• 58:57
  Eliora: If I had the expectation that for my birthday, people are gonna pay, my husband's, gonna take me out for a big meal and give me a nice present, what am I protecting myself from?
• 59:08
  Eliora: The fear that I'm not important, the fear he doesn't love me, the fear that I'm not gonna get what I think I want and need, right, and so the expectation is hopefully gonna keep me safe, and what happens when it doesn't get met?
• 59:22
  Eliora: Is it figures, this huge explosion of fear, doesn't it?
• 59:25
  Eliora: So if you can start looking at, I'm expecting this person to do this, why, huh?
• 59:32
  Eliora: What am I afraid of?
• 59:33
  Eliora: What am I hoping to protect myself from Real?
• 59:36
  Eliora: game changer, especially with kids.
• 59:38
  Eliora: If you can see what you're expecting with your children and understand it's coming from your fear, it gives them so much space to not be controlled by it.
• 59:50
  Rochelle: I'm so lucky for those kids, too, right, whose parents are doing that work and can acknowledge that.
• 59:54
  Rochelle: I mean, and I think it's you know, it's not always, I don't know parenting is like one of the hardest things like ever done in my life, and I'm a single mom too, so I don't have the support from, you know, the other half, and there are days where I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm doing this all wrong.
• 1:00:08
  Rochelle: But then I think, just having those open conversations and allowing them, my goal is just allow them to be them right and understand that I think repairing right, like, if I do react in a way that was triggered by some sort of something from the past, right, being able to go back and be like, hey, you know, like I shouldn't have reacted that way.
• 1:00:24
  Rochelle: That was on me and not on you, you know just, I think, acknowledging that oh, yeah, anytime kids are brought up, only your own stuff.
• 1:00:30
  Rochelle: Yeah, yeah, it's just really powerful because we're creating the future right Through our children.
• 1:00:35
  Rochelle: Oh, totally.
• 1:00:36
  Rochelle: Yes and I think this work specifically you know, I mean acknowledging and understanding and working on all of this within ourselves is healing so many generations to come and past, and all sorts of things.
• 1:00:48
  Rochelle: I think it's really important work oh it's central.
• 1:00:52
  Eliora: It's central.
• 1:00:52
  Eliora: Yeah, my kids.
• 1:00:53
  Eliora: I didn't know this when my kids were small.
• 1:00:55
  Eliora: So now my kids are in the 20s and they both work with me, yeah, and they'll say mom, I'm really overwhelmed with fear, can you help me out?
• 1:01:02
  Eliora: Yeah.
• 1:01:03
  Eliora: And helping them work through it and understand it, so that they don't have to live their life, like I did, controlled by my negative emotions and my fear.
• 1:01:11
  Eliora: Instead, they have a choice of how do they want to be, so that's, to me, the greatest gift we can give our kids.
• 1:01:19
  Rochelle: Yeah, yeah, my daughter's almost 13.
• 1:01:22
  Rochelle: And I didn't start in this work, you know, until she was about six, six or seven, and so sometimes I see the way that she responds to things or the insecurities that she holds, and you know, of course it would be easy for me to blame myself, like, oh my gosh, like I did this and I was living in this and I was living in a lot of fear when she was younger, right, but I think, showing up, you know, our kids always are going to do what you do as opposed to what you say so it's always like we're like don't do that, but yet we're doing it right.
• 1:01:47
  Rochelle: So it's like so I just have to trust that the work that I'm doing and what I'm modeling will be felt more so than I mean.
• 1:01:54
  Rochelle: The words are important too, but also I think you know that will be impactful for her.
• 1:01:59
  Eliora: So Well, I also think that as you let go of your attachments to your stories, to your fears, you're giving her permission not to be controlled and imprisoned by those same stories and fears.
• 1:02:10
  Eliora: Yeah Says that she has a choice of how she wants to move forward Exactly.
• 1:02:15
  Eliora: Yeah, the parenting definitely hard.
• 1:02:19
  Rochelle: Yeah, there's no guidebook, there's no like anything, you just roll with it.
• 1:02:27
  Rochelle: But yeah, I mean, I believe too, like our children chose us for a very specific lesson, a very specific purpose, and so that gives me comfort too.
• 1:02:34
  Rochelle: Sometimes we're like, ok, this may not have been the easiest path for her, but I also know that on some level, you know, her soul chose this for a reason, you know, and to be with me and to learn lessons that I'm learning and all those things.
• 1:02:44
  Rochelle: So that also just gives me a little bit of ease.
• 1:02:47
  Rochelle: You want to journey together, exactly, exactly.
• 1:02:49
  Rochelle: I love that.
• 1:02:50
  Rochelle: Is there anything else from the book, any other tools that you want to share?
• 1:02:57
  Eliora: I'm trying to think I think I've talked about almost all my tools Of course I'll leave the link so they can go get the book.
• 1:03:06
  Eliora: And yes, and I have a website.
• 1:03:09
  Eliora: I have a website called learsjourneycom and I created it as a labyrinth so that you enter into it and you choose a spiral and it takes you to a way of thinking about yourself and life.
• 1:03:22
  Eliora: And at the end of that little blog it has questions about where you might go next and you click on one of the questions and it takes you to another idea, so that you're going on a journey of ideas of how to see yourself, how to live your life, and each time you take the journey you're understanding things from different perspectives.
• 1:03:41
  Eliora: So that's my website.
• 1:03:43
  Eliora: It's definitely different, yeah.
• 1:03:45
  Rochelle: I explored it a little bit yesterday and it was so cool.
• 1:03:47
  Rochelle: I was like this is so different, I love it.
• 1:03:49
  Eliora: I know, yeah, was all the artwork yours?
• 1:03:51
  Eliora: Some of the artwork, let me see.
• 1:03:55
  Eliora: No, actually it's a young artist that I work with and I don't have permission to tell her name, but maybe I will someday I'll ask her.
• 1:04:03
  Eliora: Yeah, that's her artwork, isn't it amazing?
• 1:04:06
  Eliora: It is.
• 1:04:07
  Eliora: I love it.
• 1:04:07
  Eliora: It's beautiful.
• 1:04:08
  Rochelle: Yeah.
• 1:04:09
  Eliora: So I'm trying to think.
• 1:04:12
  Eliora: So I have my website, I have the book and I'm writing a second book about seeing things from the perspective of I call it gray Gray is, when we're afraid, we get completely dark.
• 1:04:28
  Eliora: We get completely overwhelmed and if you can hold on to that light within you, it sort of makes the dark less intense, less consuming, less overwhelming.
• 1:04:38
  Eliora: It gives you some perspective that you're not all dark and it gives you some extra choices that you wouldn't have Because you're also connected to your light and some tools in there.
• 1:04:51
  Eliora: So that's what I'm working on right now and I also offer workshops on how to use the tools.
• 1:04:58
  Eliora: They're usually like two and a half three hour workshops, walking people through how to use the tools, helping clear the fears about what's getting in the way of using the tools.
• 1:05:07
  Eliora: Because we're afraid to use the tools, because what will happen will be different, we won't be the way our parents raised us to be right, we might lose all our excuses of being angry and lashing out.
• 1:05:19
  Eliora: That's a big one.
• 1:05:20
  Eliora: People like to hold on to old ways of being, and so that's part of the workshops is helping people just see through the step, go step by step through each of the fears and as they sit with them, they can release them and then they can start using the tools on a more daily basis.
• 1:05:35
  Eliora: So that's sort of my life right now.
• 1:05:38
  Rochelle: I love that.
• 1:05:39
  Rochelle: Well, thank you so much for coming on and sharing all this wonderful information.
• 1:05:44
  Rochelle: I mean, it's been so profound and I think it'll really, really help people.
• 1:05:48
  Rochelle: And again, I'll leave everything in the show notes.
• 1:05:50
  Rochelle: They can go click it.
• 1:05:50
  Rochelle: And I have a final question for you.
• 1:05:51
  Rochelle: I don't know if are you familiar with human design or your astrology?
• 1:05:55
  Eliora: No OK.
• 1:06:00
  Rochelle: It's not a requirement, it's just a question.
• 1:06:01
  Rochelle: Yeah, ok, I know I'm Scorpio, that's all I know.
• 1:06:06
  Rochelle: Ok, well, that also makes a lot.
• 1:06:08
  Rochelle: I mean, scorpio is to the depth of things, right.
• 1:06:11
  Rochelle: Scorpio is intense and emotional and sensitive in all the spiritual deep things, so that definitely makes sense.
• 1:06:18
  Eliora: Oh, ok, good yeah, I don't know what time I was born or anything, so I was ever able to go deeper yeah.
• 1:06:24
  Rochelle: Yeah Well, just knowing your sense sign, too, is still helpful.
• 1:06:27
  Rochelle: All right, well, thank you so much.
• 1:06:30
  Rochelle: I don't know if there's any last words or anything else that you want to share with everyone.
• 1:06:35
  Eliora: I want to say thank you so much.
• 1:06:36
  Eliora: This is so much fun talking to you and just chatting about all this.
• 1:06:40
  Rochelle: Thank, you and if I had?
• 1:06:41
  Eliora: to give one thought, and that is fear is normal, negative emotions are normal, they're not bad, they're not wrong and at the same time, they don't need to be in control.
• 1:06:54
  Eliora: You can learn how to be in control, to choose to release them so that you can actually be living your life from your light rather than from darkness and fear.
• 1:07:06
  Eliora: So I think the first step is not feeling shame and rejection of those emotions, but actually understanding and accepting them.
• 1:07:19
  Rochelle: Yeah, that's perfect.
• 1:07:19
  Rochelle: Well, thank you so much.
• 1:07:21
  Eliora: Thank you, thank you.