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Summer Replay: Entering Your Rom Com Era · To All the Men I've Tolerated Before

• 0:20
  Speaker 1: Hey, tolerators, listen is to Alderman, I'm tolerated before. With
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: Family Katona, your weekly look at everyday misogyny. Today, we
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: are happy to have back with us Julia Washington from
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: Pros and Glow, Pop Culture Makes Me Jealous and Jelly
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: Pop's book Club. Julia has entered her rom pom era,
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: and we're going to offer her some support as she
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: goes over how her relationship expectations have changed. Isn't that
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: weird me supporting the idea of romantic comedy romance.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: But romantic comedy romance is so lovely because they aren't
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: murderers in it, So there's an h Ea, things work out.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: Honestly, Like, why I'm living for your rom com era
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: is because you're just accidentally dating and loving yourself in
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: the hopes of someone noticing.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: That's absolutely what it is.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So I just watched the videos and I'm like,
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: I don't even care if a man talks to her.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: I'm just so happy she's at the farmer's market.
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: Watching all these cute couples walk by, thinking I want that.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: Fucking hell. That's so irritating that I want that.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: Well and not the I mean, we'll get to it
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: into it eventually, probably because I'm a bummer, But Annie
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: and I were talking last day at Ramen. We were like,
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: here's the thing. We think we want it because we
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: have an idea of what it is, and then when
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: the actuality of what it is hits us, and it's
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: some sighing and stomping and pouting because you're like, hey,
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: the dishwasher is unloaded, so you can go ahead and
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: throw that bowl right in there. Then I'm like, this
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: isn't what I wanted.
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: Well, I actually think that that kind of interaction can
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: be avoided if people just have measured expectations about living
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: together and have a discussion about living together, because like
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: over the summer, I had a very very real conversation
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: with my offspring about like, hey, invisible labor is real,
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: so you either need to sugar get off the pot.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: If this is going to be a living situation that's
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: going to be healthy and functional for everybody, and that's
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: the thing you need to carry the rest of your life.
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: I was like, this is why women are angry, and
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: I'm not blaming women. This is not me blaming women,
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: but having had conversations with my married friends who've now
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: been married ten plus years. A lot of it is
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: like they're not talking to their husbands. They're nagging their husbands,
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: they're berating their husbands, they're calling their husbands lazy to
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: their face. Rather and their husbands aren't offering because their
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: husbands no one's taught these men how to offer help.
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: So it's like both parties are both parties are miscommunicating
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: and then getting mad and throwing fits around the house,
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: and I just I don't have that kind of time
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: or energy.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: It's wild living with a married couple currently, because what
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: I think is such like a non confrontational sentence like
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: I unloaded the dishwasher rals into a confrontation and I'm like,
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: how did we get here? Like literally, it was just
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: an update.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's weird. That makes no sense to me, and
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: like I don't understand, and I know this is off topic,
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: but I'm just as I'm as I've entered by romcom
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: eron figuring out how I like living with me, oh,
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: I like dating me, and like it's into how I
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: have relationship with the people in my life, not just romantically,
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: but like friends, And there's a lot of oh, I'm
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: not communicating clearly with what my expectations are or what
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: my needs are, or even conveying like no, I wasn't
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: actually making a joke there, Like, so it's changing the
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: way I'm interacting with people as well, because I'm seeing
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: all of these like things that could be avoided because
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: I don't know, why why do we why are we
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: like this? Like why do we not just see clearly
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: and succincially this is what I want, this is what
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: I expect. Is this something that we can work with?
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: And I'm yeah, I think it's.
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: A lot of like long term side effects of watching
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: women be shot down every time they lean into having
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: an expectation or a desire. I think it's a lot
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: of watching Everybody Loves Raymond and adjacent sitcoms where like
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: like the wife was like I thought we could go
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: to Italian tonight, and then the entire hook of the
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: joke is that she thought she was gonna get to
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: eat spaghetti that day even though he wants a burrito.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I guess I just feel like it's
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: an opportunity if it's like, that's an opportunity to have
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: a conversation, like I'm watching your friend right now, who's
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: made a decision to give her partner an ultimatum. But
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: then when you sort of do a forensic of the relationship,
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: neither one of them their lives changed so much, and
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: neither one of them paid attention to the other while
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: their lives were changing. So now they're like six years
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: into this new phase of life and no one's talked
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: about it. And now it's like, well, I'm giving you
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: an ultimatum, and it's like, but is that the right option?
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: Because like, things happen and you've never done an assessment,
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: You've never done a check in like hey, how are
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: we doing? Like are you okay? Am I okay? And
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: it's a failure on both parties, right like because it
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: should be Hey, I'm like I had to very clearly
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: stay to somebody recently. I'm not okay. I can't have
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: you have those expectations of me right now because you know,
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: I had a very hard summer with some major health
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: stuff that happened to a family member. And because I
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: was so upfront about it, things are the tension melted
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: away because it's like, now you know I can't do
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: those things for you. I'll call you when I can.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: I may never go I may never be in a
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: position to do those things ever again. But it is
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: very interesting to be like girl in a position of
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: like how do I And it's funny too because didn't
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: we talk about months ago about like, oh, I'm with
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: our goals for twenty twenty four and it's like, I
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: need to figure out what love means to me. I
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: need to understand what all of these things mean to
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: me because I want a relationship that is healthy and thriving,
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: and I reject the notion that I can't find it.
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: Will I stay single if I can't find it or
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: if it doesn't like present itself in my life one
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: hundred percent? Because my piece is not worth being with
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: somebody who I shouldn't be partnered with, like sacrificing my piece,
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: you know well.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: And I think that's where all of our work, decentering
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: the idea of love is the only goal or a
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: husband is the only goal comes in because there are
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: a lot of women who will go all right, he's
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: an arm's length away from me, and I have societal
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: expectations or I have this one and I'm tired of
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: wanting it or whatever, like how I try to like
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: sell my virginity to the highest bidder. I was like,
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: he's going to answer this text message. I'm sick of
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: having this.
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I mean yes, yes, And I also
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: kind of can't stand all my married friends who've been
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: married for as long as they have and they're like, well,
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: having a partners and everything, okay, but you know what
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: sucks having to go to the hospital three hours away
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: every single day, having to hold your shit together because
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: your family has like lost its mind, and then coming
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: home and still having you to hold your shit together
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: because you have dependent children. Like I'm not saying that
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: those people would have partners who would step up. I'm
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: just saying like I'm literally Bill's goot forgotten because I'm
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: doing all of the things. Like there's so many things
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: about cultivating a partnership that even though in a marriage,
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: some people might not feel like that's currently emotionally or
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: physically satisfying. The point is is that this is apples
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: and oranges, Like, don't sit there and tell me, well,
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: it's not all it's cracked up to be. Okay, fine,
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: but you go and be a single woman in a
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: society that is not designed for single women to succeed.
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: So the women who have succeeded who are single, Like, how.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: How I really thought I was doing it? And look
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: at me now?
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: Literally write a book and know Shareyl whatever her name
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: is from Facebook. I'm not reading your book because you
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: were married for a while, Like I understand your husband died,
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: but still you still had a partnership that helped aid
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: in your success. Like it is so different. So when
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: married people are like, oh, it's not always all it's
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: cracked up to be sure, but you have a partner
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: who literally is paying all the bills, so like you
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: can stress about other shit. I have to pay the
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: bills I have to pay. I have to make sure,
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: I have to cultivate relationships with family. Like I'm not
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: saying I'd be a trad wife. I hate that shit.
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: What I'm saying is is, wouldn't it Like I'm currently
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: in a phase where like at that moment when my
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: family structure was falling apart, It's like, wouldn't it be
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: nice to be in the nineteen fifty two and have
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: a husband who's paying bills and giving me health insurance
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: in this very moment? But I'm also not running out
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: looking for someone to fill that void. Because right, just.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: Because just to have it, just to like feel like right,
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: because I think the whole purpose of your rom com
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: is being like, oh, no, I'm going to get what
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: I want. Yeah, I'm not. I'm not just coming up
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: to pick up some guy named Jacob. Pretend he's what
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: I want. Correct, tell him he's everything that I want,
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: and then not be able to stand the sight of
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: him if he takes sick leave from his job or something.
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: Correct, ignoring red flags, not being understanding of what my
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: career needs are, what his career needs are, right, Like
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: not paying attention to how he interacts with other people, ball,
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: like if you go to a restaurant or whatever, and
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: like so there's like little things that I'm just like,
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: these are not things you think about when you're twenty
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: or twenty five. These are things.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: That's how a lot of our friends ended up in
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: the marriages that they did, because you're just thinking about
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: the party and you're not thinking about Wednesday, right.
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: Right, And like having a contingency plan, Like the whole
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: for better or worse part of marriage is real in
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: sickness and in health, and marriage is real. And I
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: understand me. I need somebody who's not married saying those things,
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: but as a person who observed people who've been married
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: for a long time recently not uphold certain parts of
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: the insickness and in health part It's like, did you
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: not understand that this could be an option, like that
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: this could happen. Like it's that individualism too. It gets
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: in the way of like partnership, like we think, oh, yeah,
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: I want a big wedding. The trajectory is married by
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: this time, kids, by this time, two point five kids.
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: I don't know if the new generation is the two
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: point five kids thing, but for us that was the thing, right,
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: pick it, sense, own a house, do all these things.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: And then now you're just like no, but all of
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: that is not always realistic, and like we need to
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: have a conversation because like what if there's a car accident,
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: what if somebody gets cancered? Like I'm not saying to
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: like attack prifies everything, but like a real conversation about
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: like we're healthy now, but like let's have a contingency plan,
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: Like what what's your family's health history? Like I'm watching
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: another family unit they have Alzheimer's in the family, and
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: now there's a family member who's starting to demonstrate symptoms
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: of that, but everyone's ignoring it. And I'm the only
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: one who's like, hey, hey, you know, it's like we
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: don't want to pay attention. We don't we want to
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: believe it's not going to happen to me. And then
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: ten years later you wake up and shit sits the
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: fan and you hate your partner and you hate your kids,
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: and you're just like, I'm going to make everybody's life.
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: Hell yeah. Well, it's like when my grandmother was literally
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: dying and they put her and the hospital is like,
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: you want to feel good pill because dying's rough, and
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: we were like, oh my gosh, her mood's been so
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: elevated and nice. And I was like, oh, and I'm fifteen, Yeah,
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: I'm fifteen or sixteen years old, and I'm like, oh,
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: are we all ready to talk about it? Are we
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: ready to talk about that? Are chemicals as like a
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: united generational like me and a related family are fucked
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: and maybe we all need a little zolaped, little prozac,
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: little well future and whatever have you. And they were like,
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: isn't that so nice for mom? And moved directly the
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: fuck on and I was like, I would like to
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: know what it's like to feel peace before someone's just
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: concerned because I have cancer riddling my body right right,
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: and again I think gets those expectations, like I it
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: is going into dating. It is very off putting for
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: people when we watch dating shows, al we see people
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: say like, these are the things I'm looking for.
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: Well, you need you need to not have expectations. I'm
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: not here for the vibe, bitch. I want to be
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: safe in my home. I want to know that my
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: partner's reliable. I want to know that you know, in
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: tough times we can get through it together. I want
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: to know that we can travel well together. Like I'm
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: not here for vibes. Vibes is secondary. Once we've like
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: locked in all the things that matter, then we can
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: talk about vibes. Like dating shouldn't be about the vibes.
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: Dating is a job, I mean kind of is, because
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: you're literally saying like I'm looking for somebody to have
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: and build a relationship with four decades. Yeah, but when
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: you're twenty two, you're like, oh, this guy's feel so
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: good right now right now, Like vibes are great, but
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: also make sure that you can like build something with
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: that person. And that's that's the other part. It's like,
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: well they take everything off, like we get the list
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: convoluted with like long term planning. I don't know if
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: that I'm making sense.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: Tell me about the list? Are you talking about the
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: list of haves and have not? So like they will
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: have this, they will not do this. Yeah. Yeah, And
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: then so you're saying that, like you can have your
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: list of dos and don't but that doesn't mean that
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: you can take a plane ride to Hawaii together, right,
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: Like if you can't travel all together and it is
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: one of your goals in life to travel, I really
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: need to take that into consideration. You ever watched like
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: a couple in their sixties and she's like, I just
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: really want to go to Paris and he's like, I
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: don't even want to go to Target down the street,
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: And it's like, how did you two make this work?
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: Exactly? Exactly? That's I guess that's literally my point. It's
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: like if there are things like why is it so
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: off putting that in the beginning you're like, here are
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: all the things that I would like to do with
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: my life. Does any of that sound appealing to you?
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: Why is that a red flag? Why is that a no, no.
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: When you start.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: Dating well, and honestly, I think in love is blind,
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: that is what they're supposed to be doing, because they're
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: just sitting in a room in an empty room for
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: hours talking to a wall. Yes, and then I don't
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: know what happens during that experiment where someone feels compelled
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: to lie even though there's not like a visible component
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: to anything. So it's like, why are you trying so hard?
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: Because I had that experience right like I had the
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: blind date Love is blind online experience where I'm feeding
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: him a lot of information and he's nodding and he's
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: cracking jokes and he's like, that's really great, and then
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: he chooses me at the end, and then we're three
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: weeks into a dating relationship and he's like, oh, I
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: thought you were kidding about all of that. It's like,
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: why would I waste my time lying to you?
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know.
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: It's great that you bring up love is blinds and
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: it's just talking about this the other day with somebody,
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: because love is blind in theory is a great concept
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: because it removes all of the stressors, Like if I'm
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: in a room one on one talking to somebody, I'm
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: not worried about how my rent's getting paid. I'm not
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: worried about my daily life. I'm worried about the core
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: of I'm looking at the core of me and the
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: core of you, so we can see if that foundation
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: can be built. But then, like you pointed out, there
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: is a disconnect because people are still bringing these weird
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: expectations of dating to it. Slash. You need the daily life,
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: you need the reality in there to also kind of
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: bring in, like will in the foundational stuff? Will this work?
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: And even though they throw them into like a live
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: together situation, it's still not real because like my job is, well,
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: my secondary job, which is the Pros and Low is
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: literally Thursday and Saturday. So like Thursday and like Saturday.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: So what means Friday night is out. I'm in bed
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: by nine. So if you're somebody who's like, well, I
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: love going out Friday night and I want to hit
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: up the comedy club and then go out for drinks after,
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: I can't be your person for that because like when
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: I say I work Saturday morning, that also means it
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: seeps into Friday night.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, and I think so in my mind when
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: I was doing fake Love is Blind, there were no steaks.
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: There was literally no reason for me to lie. There
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: was no reason for me to tell it wasn't AOL
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: chat rooms. There was no reason for me to be like,
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: I'm a busty blonde who's twenty eight years old and
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: I am a manager of a Barns and Noble, Like,
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: I wasn't creating a character. There were no steaks. Yeah,
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: so I was like out here living my truth, also
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: believing that there are no stakes for anyone else. So
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: they are also out here living in their troop. And
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: I think what we see at Love Is Blind is
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: that first season there were no steaks, so people let
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: their freak flags fly. The second season when people are like, oh,
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: but I could get a free vacation and a deal
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: with like me undies. Now there's money on the line.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: Like now there's like, oh but I could be a
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: public figure. I could be a woman. Yeah, I could
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: be one of the real housewives eventually. So I think
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: that's what ended up ruining the Love I guarantee you
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: that if you just did the lover Is Line experiment
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: in like nowhere, Midwest America and like the Woods or something,
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: it would probably work out because there are no stakes
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: if we get out there and I'm like, you're hideous,
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: and he's like, jokes on you. I think that too,
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: and we just walk away from one another. There are
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: no consequences.
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and I think too. Women. In my experience
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: of dating online dating, women come to it with genuine intention.
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: They're like, I'm determined to find someone who will be
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: compatible with me. But the men who are doing the
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: free versions of online dating aren't. They're just like, yeah,
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: the best way to ask me out is to ask
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: me out, No fucking shit. Like god, it's it's like
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: you have these different variations too, right, Like so then
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: if you do the paid for version, you do get
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: a little bit of a better quality of a man
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: because it's like, what, I'm willing to pay for it
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: to like find my person. But then at the same time,
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: it doesn't matter. Women are like intentional of every phase,
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: whether they have no money to pay for it or
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: they have hundreds of thousands of dollars to throw at it.
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: Right because it is one of my bullet points is
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: what we're seeing currently. Let us not forget we're in
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: the middle of a male loneliness epidemic. Everyone. It's real
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: scary out there. But what we're seeing is modern women
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: who are single in their thirties or forties, like Julia
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: and I. We have expectations. We have lived a life,
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: we have lived through things, and therefore it's not just
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: going to be some dude named Brad who gets to
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: be in my life for kicks. But men still feel
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: very entited to dating being easy for them. So now
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: we have this like dating gap, like we have an
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: expectations gap of what relationships are actually supposed to look like,
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: because we have a species of human who's evolved and
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: a species of human who's had it easy their entire life,
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: and well, sorry, go ahead, and it's like, when are
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: they going to catch up? Are some of them even
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: trying to catch up? What does catching up look like?
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: I think a lot of it, too, is because we're
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: the first generation who grew up with being able to
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: have access to careers that would allow us to be
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: independent of men and not needing to be partnered to
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: an extent, Like there are still scenarios and regions where,
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: you know, the advantages of being married versus not economically
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: are still pretty strong, which is garbage. With that said,
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: I do think that as a generation as the first
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: generation who is able to do literally almost anything, I
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: mean with few exceptions, without needing a partner to give
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: us permission to do it, we realize like, oh, we
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: can be happy and fulfilled without that versus so like
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: as we are being told you can be anything, you
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: can grow up to be anything, you can have any
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: career you want, no one prepared boys for that. No
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: one prepared voice for the fact that girls are working
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: towards similar goals that they have in terms of like
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: economic status, because it's just assumed boys are going to
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: do those things right, Like the system was always designed
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: for the man to be in that position and to
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: have no problems and no failings, which is why it's
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: always a red flag when a white guy can't make
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: those system work for him. And so now we're seeing,
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: you know, these guys who are similarly hed to us,
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: and they have this archaic mentality, and you're like, how
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: did that happen? And then you start kind of talking
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: with them, and then you meet their family a little bit,
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: and you're just like, oh, I understand you. You were
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: never prepared for the fact that you could meet somebody
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: who has a career and isn't going to give it
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: up to raise your children, Like you're still in a
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: world that is telling you that you need to find
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: someone to keep your house. And even if you walk
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: into it with like, oh, I love that you have
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: a career, I love that you have those things, it's
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: still intrinsically within them to assume that if I'm the
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: one that gets pregnant and children come into this home,
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: I'm the one who's making the sacrifice in my career
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: so we can have a family.
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: Hell, I haven't even birthed a child. But if I'm
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: a lady in a uterus with a room, in a
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: room where a child is present, do you think a
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: man's gonna go run to that child? Should they cry? No,
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: they're gonna be like Nebley, a child, a child with
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: the need.
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: And I think, and so we've never done anything to
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: course correct the fact that we're giving women freeom, in
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: equality in a lot of ways, and equity in a
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: lot of ways, and have not done anything to prepare
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: the little boys in our generation to become men who
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: can accept that.
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: And then so then I take a step further, and
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: it's actually like a joke I wrote in my sitcom
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: script where like the young woman's mom is telling her, like,
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: please don't wear a T shirt with a right that
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: you think women don't have, because in her mind, women
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: have all the rights. Now it's equal, everyone has rights.
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: But because men haven't caught up to actually believing that,
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: we don't actually like.
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: The way that it's educated even and I can use
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: the example, you know, when it comes to like the
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: black and whiteness of it all, like people just oh,
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: black people, it is so easy because you just get
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: into college because you're black, and you get money because
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: you're black, and you're just like what, there's a disconnect.
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: It's the same thing when it comes to gender roles
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: in dating a marriage. Oh, it's so easy for women
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: now because blah blah blah blah, and.
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: You're just like what, Yeah, it would be easier if
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: any of you were actually great to date, Like that
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: whole idea that like a woman can walk into a
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: bar and just like have her pick of men, and
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: it's like what if that woman walks into that bar,
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: sees the spattering of men and immediately goes ill. Not
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: so easy And unless we forget, unless you are a
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: person who is sized like I don't know, Daisy Edgar Jones,
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: Your chances of being able to land a guy are
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: like decrease because men will say things like there's a
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: video going around on Instagram and TikTok.
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: Where it's old dating videos from the eighties and these
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: men who are really have physically no leverage, yeah, are
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: saying things like no fatties, no this, no that, and
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: you're no redheads, no hairy people. And you're just like,
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: who do you think you are that you can say
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: no fatties? Like, like, sir, this is not like you were,
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: so you like women are picky? Like women are? You
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: just said? So? It makes it even harder when we
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: don't fit the like stereotype ideal of like what a
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: woman a woman is supposed to physically look like.
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and then you get an inherent mindset within women
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: that you get what you get and you do not
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: throw a fit.
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: The amount of times I'm told that I'm being too
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: picky because I jet because I would like for them
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: to love me.
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: Oh what about life? Wow?
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: Like what okay? So what sparks I think me given
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: like you and I having this conversation from my end
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: was the New York Times Well Instagram. A couple of
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: days before Bachelor release, posted did a post and the
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: caption read this, the Golden Bachelorette, which premieres next week,
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: is selling a fantasy, But women in their sixties and
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: seventies say the dating scene in the real world isn't
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: quite as rosy. Of course, there's no way to encapsulate
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: the experiences of millions of older women in a single season. Still,
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: there's evidence that dating that the dating scene for straight
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: women in their sixties and beyond maybe particularly lead and
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: then you know, swipe all the things. So then, I said,
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: is the dating scene rosy at any age? Which is
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: still actively getting likes? By the way, and like, there
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: are people coming at me who are older women who
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: are like, try dating menopause. I'm gonna be if I'm
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: still single when I'm going through menopause. Like I have
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: actively dated since for as long as I could remember.
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: I think my first official boyfriend I was fifteen, and
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: I didn't actually even want to date him. It just
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: kind of was one of those things where it's like
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: we laugh at all as jokes, so obviously you want
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: to date him.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: No.
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: I can look back now and be like, no, that's
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: not what that was for me, but thanks society for pushing.
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: And then there was a guy who wrote, if you're
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: really attractive, yes, that's what his response to my response was.
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: So then I went down a tangent on close friends
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: on Instagram about how like I even pulled pictures from
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: when I was younger. I was like, look at how
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: hot I was even at thirty two, and I still
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: couldn't pull quality men. So no, it doesn't matter if
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: you're attractive. Like I would say at twenty five, I
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: was objectively hot, and I still have what you could
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: say would be a failure in dating track record because
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: I'm not partnered at this point. So it's like, it's
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: like we have these delusional concepts that people really believe
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: and will like fight tooth and nail about because of
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: their own lived experience, and you're just like, maybe do
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: some internal work.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well if you're attractive, Yesmally.
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: I don't know if you saw my rant because you
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: were all my close friends, but I full on fold pictures.
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: I gave examples of dating relationships that I've had and
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: how they ended in what men had said to me,
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: Like ten years ago, I was in a much better
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: place financially and professionally and I still got dumped.
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: Well, here's the thing, too, Like, if you're attractive enough
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: is a litany of things. It's are you easy? Were
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: you giving blowjobs? Did you do his laundry? Were you
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: raising his kids?
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: Like?
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: Oh, there are ways to make things quote unquote easy
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: for women to get the relationship that they want, but
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: it's always at self sacrificed to that.
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: Woman I feel like my So, just to cap my point,
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: my point is is it's hard at every age because
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: men aren't doing the work to be.
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: Quality partners, right, and they don't say that they have to.
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and so it doesn't matter if we're twenty or
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: thirty or sixty or seventy. And get to understand that
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: the numbers get smaller once you start entering an age
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: where people are like actively dying because of quote old age.
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: I get that. The point is is it really isn't
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: rosy at any age because the pool of men who
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: you don't feel safe with is larger than the pool
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: of men that you do feel safe with.
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and then the men that you quote unquote feel
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: safe with will still have at the tip of their time.
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: Why can't you just believe that there are good guys
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: out there, because I have yet to find one. I
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: have yet to find one that will not turn their
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: back on me as soon as an imaginary man has
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: his feelings hurt, or if.
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: I'm going through a medical crisis, because the data behind
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: women who are going through and experiencing cancer and cancer
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: treatment who are.
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: Left ooh ooh. And now what I'm seeing is is
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: that these women who quote unquote like won the dating
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: game because they got like the white dress and the
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: big wedding and the party, They're now at this impasse
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: where like, you can't prove to me that that's what
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: happiness looks like either, because it looks a lot like, Okay, honey,
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: you go to work, I'll stay home and take care
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: of your kid, and you'll resent me every day of
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: my life. Should I enjoy that kid because you have
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: to be a miserable fucker who works, or if you're
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: staying home with that kid and I'm the money maker,
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: you're gonna resent me for the end of my days
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: because I have a little bit more power than you,
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: and people are gonna think that you're a sissy or whatever.
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: So at the end of the day, it's always like
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: I'm not putting in all of this work to get
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: resented and hated on. And it's detrimental the amount of
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: times I see women take that on, internalize it and
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: make it their own in society and depression when I'm like,
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: that's his problem, it's his problem that he won't be
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: happy no matter what you.
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: Do, right, And I think there needs to be more
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: bravery to leave. I know it's hard. I know it's hard.
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: I've been in a position where partners people have been
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: like I don't know how you do it, and blah
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: blah blah, and so there's I mean, there's a myriad
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: of reasons why women stay in what I've observed personally,
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: a lot of them stay because of economic reasons, because
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: it is really hard to like find success independently of
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: a partner. I am proving that every single day because
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: there isn't somebody, you know, sharing the financial responsibility. And
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: I'm not saying that's why I want to partner. Like
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: the other day I realize like, oh, it sounds like
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: I'm looking for a partners so that way I can
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: have half my bills paid and have an easier time
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: with trying to you know, get my business off the ground.
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: That's not it being in the business world, which is
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: another episode will do oh later. It is really hard
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: to take advice from women about how I should be
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: operating in my business when their finances are taken care
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: of because they have a partner who's paying for everything,
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: and whatever resentment comes from that, that's that's a separate
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: thing for me right now. It's the fact that you
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: want to idolize my life because I'm single and I
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: can do whatever I want, but then also give me
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: advice on how to be successful. But it's like, no,
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: that requires a networking community of people who are willing
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: to like pay for my shit, so I ten do that,
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: Like are you going to give me health insurance so
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: that way I can like and like pay for my
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: bills so that way I can like focus on this.
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: So like there's like these little tiny things because we
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: have this expectation, we created this structure of like and
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: it's only existed in whiteness because it doesn't exist in
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: or it hasn't been a thing that's been true for
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: communities of color because because you know, black women have
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: always worked in this country, regardless of whether it was
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: free labor or post slavery labor. You know, women, other
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: women of color like have always worked in some capacity,
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: and it is very much a wealth thing to be
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: able to be a woman who doesn't have to work
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: a job or a privilege in the sense of like
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: I can be a teacher or I become a doctor
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: or whatever. Right, Like if you are in a partnership
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: where the husband can pay for everything and you guys
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: aren't strapped at you know, living paycheck to paycheck, that's
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: a privilege. And it actually doesn't matter what color you
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: are for that to be a privilege, but it is
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: very predominant in the white narrative because of the way
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: our country was built and structured. And so it's like
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: and so it's like when it comes to that partnership part,
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: it's like I'm gonna work no matter what. Like I
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: can't sit around and do nothing. I can for a
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: week and then I'm fucking bored and I'm wreaking habit.
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: Like that's Oh, I can't vacation for long periods of
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: time unless it's intentional, Like if I'm going to go
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: to Europe, I'm going to do that for a month
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: so I can like hit all the shit I want
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: to see, but like I can't have free time for
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: long periods of time, So I'm not looking for someone
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: to take care of me. I'm looking for someone to
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: enrich and enhance my life, and the way that I
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: feel like I would enrich and enhance their lives.
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: Well. And you know what's so funny about your romcom
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: era and the and the videos that you're making is
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: the very different It highlights the very ideology, the very
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: different ideologies that men and women have about romance and dating, right,
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: because like you're like, it's me and I'm in my
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: Floe Lennon's and I'm going to the bookstore with my
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: wine and I'm reading a book and I'm waiting for
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: a stranger to ask for a book. Meanwhile, men are
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: still in locker rooms and being like, dude, dude, you
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: get laid because that's romance to them the end. And
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: so like you and I were bred to believe that
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: what leads us to romance and romantic comedy endings and
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: whatever is exactly what you're doing. But those are all
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: cultural pinpoints and medias that men were shamed for taking
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: in right, so they have no idea that that's what
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: we're trying to do right totally.
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: Like, so originally the idea was going to be like,
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: I'm just gonna start doing like old I'm gonna start
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: doing like a bit where I'm doing like dating videos
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: like from the eighties, and I'm like, I'm Julia, I'm
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: so into age and I'm looking for blah blah blah blah.
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: And then a friend of mine married friend and Natalie,
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: You're gonna roll your eyes and print with this. But
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: he really does fall under not all men, like he
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: is such an ally and James, yeah, like he's so wonderful.
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: He DMed me and he's like, I have concerns for
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: your safety if you put that on the internet.
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because men will lie, men will lie to you
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: and say that that's what they're into.
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: And not only that, he's like, what if someone is
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: like a soccer like all these So he had very
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: very reasonable concerns that I listened to. And then I
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: was like, what if I spin it and I do
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: videos that are like, hey, ladies, do you have someone
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: you can vouch for that you might think that I
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: could get along with? Hear some things about me, and
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: then that still felt a little too risky. So then
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: I was like, my friend Libby giving her a shout out,
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: was like back in January, She's like, I don't really
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: feel like you're entering your rom com era. You're starting
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: a business, you're finally comfortable living alone. Like I just
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: really feel like you're entering a space now where like
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: it's gonna happen, It's gonna happen for you, like I
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: feel it. And I was like, I'm stressed out about
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: my job because I'm stressed out about my job and
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: I can't pay attention to this. And then something happened.
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: We were exchanging videos and she's like, Julia, that's a
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: very wrong, calm thing that happened to you. And then
• 38:03
  Speaker 2: and then and then I had a very hard summer,
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: as you know, and so then I was like, oh,
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: she's fucking right. So then I was like, I'm going
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: to make these videos like I'm the protagonist in the movie.
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: I'm j Lo, I'm Kate Hudson, I'm Jennifer Gardner, I'm
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: who else, I'm Meg Ryan, like and I'm just gonna
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: do snapshots of my life and frame it as like
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: a see you would see from a rom com movie
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: to sort of highlight those things because like that that
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: feels safer, Like that feels like I'm still pushing myself
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: to do something that makes me feel out of out
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: of my comfort zone, because you know, I love to
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: live in my house and never talk to anybody or
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: leave the house ever. But it still allows me the
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: creativity because then and then too, I can like bring
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: in the crowd because I'd be like, what rom com
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: does this remind you of what should I be researching
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: for my romcom era? And it just became and it's
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: you know, we're I think eleven videos in and I
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: have a bunch more content that I'm dragging my feet
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: on editing because I'm currently experiencing burnt out extrovert burnout
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: because I did a lot of extroverting recently and and
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: and that's working. People are like are responding to that,
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: which is so nice. And now it's like all right
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: if you like it. So it's a friend who's cute
• 39:29
  Speaker 2: as anything that gets it.
• 39:30
  Speaker 3: Because Natalie, I recently learned about astrography.
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: I don't know if I'm staying here, So it's basically
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: astrology but geography and the same thing, and so like, yes,
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: we have our moons and our stars and the Venus
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: and the Saturn and the Pluta and all the ship
• 39:49
  Speaker 2: and you have your Gemini moons and aries rising and
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: capricordiness of it all. But then also there's like a
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: geographical map about your astrology. Oh so a friend of
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: mine was like, have you ever looked at that? And
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: I was like, I don't know what the fuck you're
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: talking about. So we went to a website mapped it out,
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: and she's like, wherever your venus line, you are more
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: likely to find your partner closer to your venus line.
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: Guess where my venus line is not.
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: California, California. Oh, you're gonna have to travel more.
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: Uh huh. So now so now I'm like, do I
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: start to go fund me? Like? Do I start to
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: go fund me to be like help me, help me eliminate.
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: Help me my venus venus venus.
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: Because I was like, it's dear Boston, it's near Halifax.
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: He literally runs straight through Italy and the continent of Africa.
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: I was like, I am no, no, hear right, like
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: if I choose to fully die hard believe in astrology,
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: and like the I don't know how to say it,
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: but I have it in one of my videos.
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: I need to move well, Julia, you've been playing checkers
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: and the stars say you got to play chess. Do
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: I want to believe it? Yeah?
• 41:12
  Speaker 2: Probably do we want to believe it?
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: Oh? As you know, as soon as astrology told me
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: that I had had a decade of hardship because I'm
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: a Capricorn, Sun, Libra, rising, cancer, Moon, and all three
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: of those have been fucked for the past decade, I
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: was like, I am a child of the stars and
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: the stars rule me, and I had always read my
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: charts and my horoscope daily, but I was like, it's
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: all making sense, It's all coming back to me now.
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: I am Selene.
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, because there there are things we're just like, Okay, no,
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: wonder why it feels like I walk into the room like, yeah,
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: these people are attractive, but like nothing's working for me. No,
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: Like I'm not actually feeling bonded to anybody, and it
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: is hard for me to bond with people Like that
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: is a true thing. So like people I feel bonded to,
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: I'm obsessed with them because I'm like, oh, people, I
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: actually like this is so nice, this is fulfilling, this
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: feels fulfilling. I love it.
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: That's why Julia let me live in her house for
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: a week for fun, almost two almost two weeks, almost
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: two weeks.
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: I'm like, like, even though like when I go to La,
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: I love my women friends in La, but I never
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: really feel like, oh, I'm gonna find love here. You
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: don't when you like go. I don't know if you
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: have this experience, but I've always had the experience of, like,
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: if I go somewhere, I'm like, oh, I feel something
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: good is gonna happen. Oh.
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: I feel that way every time I leave the house
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: because I'm very extroverted and literally I had to apologize
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: for Annie last night because two people talk to us
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: at the movie theater, and I was like, I'm so
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: sorry that my energy made two people think that you
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: too would also like two new friends. I'm so sorry
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: that my aura rubbed off on you like litter. And
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: these people are like this girl who literally wants to
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: disappear in her daddy sweatshirt definitely wants to hear my
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: two sons about the movie that she's saying.
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: I also get misinterpreted as an extrovert because I work
• 43:24
  Speaker 2: really hard to recover from extroverting, so that way when
• 43:27
  Speaker 2: I do leave the house, because I do think it's important.
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: This is a segway. I do think it's important that
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: people feel good. So like I like, if you work
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: in like we were talking about offline, if you work in
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: customer service, and like you are not a friendly kind person,
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: don't work in customer service, or at least fake it.
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: But I'm not faking it. I have to worry. I
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: like build up the energy so I can be like,
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: oh my gosh, hi, how are you. I'm so glad
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: you're here, because I really do believe those things. But
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: in a perfect world, I'd never leave the house. And
• 43:57
  Speaker 2: or if I was forced to leave the house, I
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: wasn't listening to me about that. I'm standing by the
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: snack poople.
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: Well yeah, And like here's the thing too, like a
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: lot of my mental illness presents itself as I'm the
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: main bitch here. Like I literally asked Annie last night.
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: I was like character entering, uh huh to like literally
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: like TikTok should diagnose me with something. But I asked
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: Annie last night, I was like, what do you do
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: when you're not the coolest girl in the room? And
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: she was like it never happens, and I doubt it
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: happens to you. And I was like no, because like,
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: I don't know if it's the narcissist to me or like,
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: but it haunts me if someone's just like a little
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: bit more interesting than me. I'm like, how did this happen?
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: I'm the most interesting girl in the room. And I
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: was like mostly joking, but I was mostly like not joking.
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: I'm like, no, what do we do when when there's
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: a bigger star in the room? What do I do?
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: If I walk into the Starbucks and j Lo's there,
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: I can't outdo j Lo.
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: I mean, that's good practice for when you have to
• 45:01
  Speaker 2: go to the Emmys.
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: Honestly, Oh my god, can you imagine. I'm just like
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: at I'm at the Kids' Choice Awards and there's like
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: fucking Sabrina Carpenter being like me espresso, and I'm like,
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: I can't compete with Sabrina Carpenter? What am I doing here?
• 45:16
  Speaker 2: Who can?
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: I'm very upset that I'm not seeing Sabrina Carpenter this tour?
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: Is it terrible that I'm so happy that people on
• 45:25
  Speaker 2: the internet are like, remember when she is the bad
• 45:27
  Speaker 2: guy and they hate you. Give lest we forget whoever
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: was in charge of her personal branding and marketing and
• 45:34
  Speaker 2: career choices before whoever's in charge now did her disservice.
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: Honestly, I will always stumble upon a video that's like
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: the Internet is forever and that's a curse for Sabrina Carpenter.
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, though it is gonna help take Diddy down.
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you, I know. I just like, I'm like,
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: I want to be at the Sabrina Carpenter show because
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: I too am cool. My sister and her friend yelled
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: at me at Nelly because I was talking to Stephanie.
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: I wasn't even talking to them. I just happened to
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: be near them. But because I was with my very
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: best friend of twenty years, I thought that I could
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: be honest. Yeah, and I We're at Nellie and we're
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: waiting for Nelly to start, and I look at Stephanie.
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: I'm just like, I'm just like really upset. I'm just
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: like really upset that I don't get to see Chapel
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: because we didn't get to go when her tickets were
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: like thirty dollars. Now her tickets four hundred dollars because
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: she's Chapel fucking Roon and I go and I was like,
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: there from the beginning, I really just feel like I
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: deserve that. And my sister and her friend were like, oh,
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: you're that lady, You're the I deserve to go see
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: Chapel Road number one. I do. I do. Sorry, I
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: love myself. Sorry, I love myself that. I'm like, I
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: deserve to see Chapel Road. Chapel roone wants me to
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: see her. It would be magical. Other people are wasting
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: this opportunity. She's had to scream at her VIP such
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: it you're not fun. I would be fun.
• 47:01
  Speaker 2: But you bring up a really interesting point to tie
• 47:04
  Speaker 2: it back into dating and dating expectations. There is a
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: very big mentality of oh, you think you deserve uh huh,
• 47:12
  Speaker 2: And that's very American.
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: It's very American. You think Italians ever worry about whether
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: or not they deserve their gelato. No, they're just getting
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: daily gelato.
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. Yes, it's so fun. It's so interesting
• 47:26
  Speaker 2: to learn when other cultures are fat phobic, because like
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: Italians and black people are like you walk through the
• 47:32
  Speaker 2: door and like you're too skinny.
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Croatians to at least mine.
• 47:38
  Speaker 2: You need to who's not hitting me?
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: Why aren't you eating? God damn it?
• 47:43
  Speaker 2: And you're like no, but please don't tell me I'm
• 47:45
  Speaker 2: too skinny, because I'm going to go into American society
• 47:48
  Speaker 2: and they're gonna be like, why are you the saddest
• 47:50
  Speaker 2: person in the room.
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: Here's the thing. You know why you can eat gelato
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: every day in Italy because it's real food.
• 47:56
  Speaker 2: And you walk everywhere.
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: Probably I don't Number one, you walk every I'm only.
• 48:01
  Speaker 2: Basing this on things that I've seen that have taken
• 48:03
  Speaker 2: place in Italy. But now we know that my Venus
• 48:05
  Speaker 2: line runs through Italy.
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: So we have to go number two. It's because it's
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: real food. It's not robot food. It's not chemicals that
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: are presenting as food. It's like food from the earth.
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: Complete side. Note. The thing that drives me crazy about
• 48:19
  Speaker 2: all this AI stuff and this Internet privacy stuff. All
• 48:21
  Speaker 2: these companies are already doing that in Europe. Listen, they're
• 48:25
  Speaker 2: already they already have to do it in Europe.
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: Listen, So we have this technology.
• 48:31
  Speaker 2: For the US and then we'll all be fine. Like
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: it's so it's so dumb, it's so infuriating how it's like, well,
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: we can't do that here, You're already doing it in Europe.
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: It's almost like America's a fascist country. You heard it
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: here first, or from Promania on TikTok. He screams it
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: a lot. He screams it a lot.
• 48:53
  Speaker 2: It's just so interesting how capitalism really truly gets in
• 48:57
  Speaker 2: the way of like people finding true love, happiness, true joy,
• 49:02
  Speaker 2: true authentic relationships that make them feel fulfilled, and that
• 49:06
  Speaker 2: can be platonic or romantic.
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: Truly, when a lot of couples are fighting with one
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: another and they're like, I don't understand why he doesn't
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: appreciate me. I don't understand why she can't be happy
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: for what she has this and the other. I don't
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: understand why she's a little bit happier than I am
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: about how her day looks. I'm like, you're not mad
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: at her, you're mad at the American dollar. Like, yeah,
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: you're mad that she technically is bringing no monetary value
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: to your home, so she doesn't get to be happy.
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: Even though she's bringing a lot of warmth and love
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: and care into your home, she shouldn't get to be
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: happy about it because she quote unquote has no American dollar.
• 49:45
  Speaker 2: Value, Yeah, I think too. The other part of it
• 49:48
  Speaker 2: for me is now that I'm older, like, I don't
• 49:51
  Speaker 2: think I would have been able to walk into a
• 49:53
  Speaker 2: relationship and have the confidence to be like, Okay, how
• 49:55
  Speaker 2: are we feeling about our relationship today?
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: Oh? Are you? Like?
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: But also I think people my age now would be
• 50:04
  Speaker 2: very uncomfortable, like if if I partnered with somebody who's
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: like I feel like and just taking the time to
• 50:09
  Speaker 2: be in relationship with each other, like, and I've been
• 50:12
  Speaker 2: saying this for decades, date your friends because it makes
• 50:16
  Speaker 2: a big difference. And the same is true for when
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: you have a partnership, like you can't just allow life
• 50:22
  Speaker 2: to consume and take away from your ability to be
• 50:26
  Speaker 2: one on one with each other because what then?
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: What then? What?
• 50:31
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean? Like, and not everybody has
• 50:33
  Speaker 2: careers that allow them to do pillo talk with their partner,
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: Like what if I'm you know, what if I work
• 50:39
  Speaker 2: like graveyard shift and my partner works day shift, Like,
• 50:41
  Speaker 2: there's going to be disconnects all the time. There should be.
• 50:44
  Speaker 2: It should be normal to have these like check ins
• 50:49
  Speaker 2: with like your loved one, to be like, how, how
• 50:53
  Speaker 2: how are you feeling about our relationship. Is this something
• 50:55
  Speaker 2: that I'm not supporting you in? Is this something that
• 50:58
  Speaker 2: I am being too? Like? What you know what I mean?
• 51:00
  Speaker 2: Like we do that with our friendships, Like we do
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: when we are feeling unsupported in friendships. We have no
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: problems calling that person to be like, hey, we're off.
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: I don't like it. I need a break.
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there are a handful of phone calls that Stuffanie
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: has answered the phone being like I forgot that I
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: had friends. Where have you been?
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: And I am guilty? Like I was telling my friend
• 51:23
  Speaker 2: the other day because I had a huge extrovert weekend,
• 51:26
  Speaker 2: I said, I suffer from forgetting that I have people
• 51:29
  Speaker 2: in my life that want to see me. And I
• 51:33
  Speaker 2: think because I'm so content at home, people don't always
• 51:35
  Speaker 2: speak to invite me out either. So it's also kind
• 51:39
  Speaker 2: of so that makes it my responsibility to be like
• 51:42
  Speaker 2: when we're in here, But like I think, I think
• 51:45
  Speaker 2: in a romantic relationship, I would My expectation is, you know,
• 51:49
  Speaker 2: we talk about money, and we talk about the status
• 51:52
  Speaker 2: of our relationship. Is that quarterly I don't know, and
• 51:56
  Speaker 2: I want to fucking date you, like if you're my partner,
• 51:59
  Speaker 2: I don't care. We've agreed that this is for life,
• 52:02
  Speaker 2: it's legally bound together or we just lily, I don't
• 52:05
  Speaker 2: give a shit. I want to date you, like I
• 52:09
  Speaker 2: want to find things that we enjoy doing together, just
• 52:13
  Speaker 2: the two of us, because that, to me feels like
• 52:16
  Speaker 2: it's going to keep us strong well.
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: And the thing is too is And I went and
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: saw Speak No Evil twice, so like James McVoy taught
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: me that, like politeness will be the death of us.
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: So it's like it's impolite to ask your husband like, hey,
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: do you still like me? And then it's like what
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: a cringe thing to say? But also have you ever
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: been like the friend in the friend group who's hungry
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: when no one else is, but you're literally dying, Like
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: you're dying, your blood sugar is yo yoing, you're seeing
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: spots you can't count. Everyone else is laughing. You don't
• 52:51
  Speaker 1: know what the joke is. You can only think of
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: a hamburger mm hm. But like how ingrained in it
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: is it for us to not just go, hey, guys,
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: can we like find a stack? Like yeah, because no
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: one's gonna be no one's gonna be mad at you
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: for needing a snack. But like it's like fighting yourself
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: tooth and nail to be like can we Hey I
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: need a drink of water? Hey? Yeah?
• 53:15
  Speaker 2: And I think too that it's you know, a lack
• 53:17
  Speaker 2: of consideration for others as well, Like if I'm feeling it,
• 53:21
  Speaker 2: maybe someone else is feeling. Like when I first had
• 53:23
  Speaker 2: my baby and it's like, how am I gonna know
• 53:25
  Speaker 2: what his needs are? You can't talk? And you know,
• 53:28
  Speaker 2: my mom was like, well, it's you're cold. He's probably cold,
• 53:30
  Speaker 2: and I was like science, that makes perfect sense. And
• 53:35
  Speaker 2: so like that concept can translate in so many other
• 53:40
  Speaker 2: aspects of relationships with people, like if I need a
• 53:43
  Speaker 2: little snacky, you might have a little snacky And I
• 53:45
  Speaker 2: do that with my kid. I'm like, you know, hey,
• 53:48
  Speaker 2: I'm going to order lunch. Do you want anything? I
• 53:50
  Speaker 2: know you just woke up, Or like, hey, I'm gonna
• 53:52
  Speaker 2: go to the movies, do you want to come? Like
• 53:54
  Speaker 2: I try to include the people in my life. When
• 53:56
  Speaker 2: I know I'm doing things that other people enjoy doing,
• 53:59
  Speaker 2: I don't. Well again, I'm not super great at it,
• 54:02
  Speaker 2: but I'm trying to get better because like it is
• 54:06
  Speaker 2: really lonely, like not being it's not being partnered as lonely.
• 54:13
  Speaker 2: It's not having the relationships that I can be like,
• 54:16
  Speaker 2: let's go out, let's do you know what I mean?
• 54:18
  Speaker 2: I mean, I mean I have those relationships, but it's
• 54:20
  Speaker 2: like it's so easy to slip into a I'm not
• 54:24
  Speaker 2: leaving the house, not talking to anybody, because I'm perfectly
• 54:26
  Speaker 2: content at home.
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: We're living the lonely, the loneliest existence currently. Like all
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: of the statistics, all of the numbers, all of the
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: data shows that, like by and large, the reason why
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: depression and anxiety are getting so bad is because we
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: are so lonely.
• 54:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and.
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: I also have found myself taking the pressure off of
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: no too. So like when we went and saw Speak
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: No Evil the second time, by the way, I saw
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: it a second time because I wanted to watch my
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: sister watch the movie. I was like, I want to
• 54:59
  Speaker 1: watch you experience yes, yes, Like when my mouth breathed
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: at her during Lisa Frankenstein because I wanted to make
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: sure she knew it was funny. So I was like
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: that part was funny, and she's like, thank you. I
• 55:10
  Speaker 1: was like, ha ha ha ha ha funny movie. She's like, okay,
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: thank you. So at one point I did point to
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: her and be like James mackvoys in the window and
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: she did scream and I was like, that's right, and
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: I want you to miss it, Like it's very important
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: that you know he's right there, you see him.
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: I want him to go back to doing rom com. No,
• 55:30
  Speaker 2: that's a whole episode.
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: You leave my perfect spooky boff of James alone. You
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: leave him be. You can still laugh at him during
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: Speak No Evil. I did I know.
• 55:44
  Speaker 2: You know I'm not gonna go see that movie.
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: You could watch it during the daytime, there's no core.
• 55:49
  Speaker 2: I probably still won't but you, but I appreciate you
• 55:52
  Speaker 2: understanding that I would need to watch it during the day.
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: It's like one of my new favorite movies. Like thank
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: you so much, James McAvoy for all of this joy
• 55:58
  Speaker 1: that you brought me twice at the movie theater, but
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: and making me feel so seen as a woman who's
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: been told often that I'm impolite because I have needs
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: and a mouth. But I also like to take the
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: pressure off of if your answer is going to be no.
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: Like I preface this with, I'm going to go see
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: The Substance on Tuesday unless anyone else wants to see it,
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: And needs me to wait until they are able to
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: see it because I wanted to see the substance. I
• 56:31
  Speaker 1: thought it was very important to me as a woman
• 56:33
  Speaker 1: and as a supporter of Demi Moore. And I was like,
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna go see the substance and it's fine. I
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: have a plan B in my head. I'm mainly in
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: it for popcorn, like, but I'm gonna go popcorn and
• 56:46
  Speaker 1: feminism and like my sister and her friends had no
• 56:49
  Speaker 1: idea what the movie was about. And then it turns
• 56:52
  Speaker 1: out like they're not as into body horror as I am.
• 56:56
  Speaker 1: Isn't that a weird sentence to say? How dare you
• 56:58
  Speaker 1: not be as into buy horror as me? A sicko? Is?
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: It just makes me laugh? Like what's wrong with me?
• 57:09
  Speaker 1: Like body horror hilarious? And I quit that bitch God.
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: But anyways, I like it turns out it wasn't for them,
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: which is completely fine. I would hate. I would hate.
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: There is nothing worse to me than going to something
• 57:30
  Speaker 1: with someone who does not want to enjoy this, Like
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: it makes my it makes me insane.
• 57:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I will just yeah in general, like if you
• 57:39
  Speaker 2: didn't want to come, why did you agree?
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: Right? Right? I'd rather just go by myself. Now, Luckily
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: Annie was willing to meet me halfway. And then I
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: still manage to make up, uh mess up geography and
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: she's like, I know that this spot is physically probably
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: halfway for us. She goes, but traffic wise and actual
• 57:59
  Speaker 1: high and I was like, I don't know how that works,
• 58:02
  Speaker 1: like I could barely do this, like I don't, so
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: she's gonna I don't know, I'll get better.
• 58:10
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: I felt real bad. I was like, what do you mean?
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: I looked at maps?
• 58:15
  Speaker 2: But you're also like back somewhere that you haven't been
• 58:18
  Speaker 2: in a long time. You got to get reacquainted.
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: But whatever, she didn't dump me. Isn't that nice? But
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: like she was willing to meet me halfway so you
• 58:25
  Speaker 1: could go see the movie and have dinner together, and
• 58:27
  Speaker 1: it's fine. I would have said. I could have also
• 58:30
  Speaker 1: waited until it's streamed. I've also had to do that,
• 58:33
  Speaker 1: to my detriment. But it's one of those things where
• 58:37
  Speaker 1: it's like you don't have to tell me yes, because
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: you're afraid that I might die if I don't get
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: to see the substance. Right. I don't want to go
• 58:47
  Speaker 1: to things with you if you were going to make
• 58:49
  Speaker 1: me miserable during them. Remember that couple I was sitting
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: next to during Chelsea Handler, who got up into a
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: fight during the opener. She stormed out, and it was
• 58:59
  Speaker 1: very apparent that this was like her thing that she
• 59:02
  Speaker 1: wanted to go. And Bozo was just like mad because
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: this lady was like making fun of men, and he's like,
• 59:07
  Speaker 1: what gives? And he won the right to make fun
• 59:09
  Speaker 1: of mad and he just kept whispering shitty things to
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: her until she exploded. And I was like, why did
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: you come? She could have grabbed her sister, her girl pal,
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: she could have her favorite gay. There are so many
• 59:24
  Speaker 1: people who enjoy Chelsea Handler. Why did you come?
• 59:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, I think I think you're just reaffirming for
• 59:31
  Speaker 2: me that, like, for me, the basis of any relationship
• 59:34
  Speaker 2: that I enter into at this point, it's not just
• 59:39
  Speaker 2: building romance, it's building friendship too, because it's like, I
• 59:44
  Speaker 2: want to not just obligatory love you, I want to
• 59:48
  Speaker 2: like spending time with you.
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: Well yeah, and also, and I get it, in the
• 59:55
  Speaker 1: perfect world, you should be able to sit through something
• 59:59
  Speaker 1: that you don't like in honor of your partner or whatever.
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: And every once in a while that should happen. If
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 1: you're just going to make me miserable during it, stay
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 1: home just.
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 2: And yeah, And that's kind of just how I feel
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 2: about life in general, which is why I'm like, I'll
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 2: be I'll be single until I die if that's the case,
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 2: if I can't find someone who can, like, you know,
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 2: enhance my life the way I believe I can enhance theirs,
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 2: because I'd rather not have tension and struggle, Like I
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 2: like being home. I don't want to live in a
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 2: situation where I'm like, I don't want to be home.
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 2: I've been, I've actually been in those situations before and
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 2: never again and never again. And those weren't even partners.
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 2: Those were fucking family members, So like I can't even
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 2: imagine in a partnered situation.
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: And like also I don't even know. And maybe it's
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 1: because I haven't dated in a while. I don't even
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 1: know how important it is for me that if I
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 1: really like to watch Dimension twenty, but it literally makes
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 1: you want to call, like claw your eyes out because
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 1: you think that Brendan Lee Mulligan's voice is annoying or something.
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: Number One, how are we compatible? Are you making fun
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: of my number one Lou Wilson, my husband, why are you?
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: Why have we turned against Brennan? I don't understand my husband. Uh,
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 1: but like, then don't sit in the room with me,
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 1: Like I don't actually want you to have to enjoy
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 1: the things that I want. I am a full person.
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 1: Please go sit in the other room. Never you never
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 1: just like show up to something and sobe's person, Suba's
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 1: partner is like dead set on not having a good time,
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 1: and it's like, sir, this is trivia, like like not
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 1: life or death. You could have stayed home.
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's designed to be fun. Why that's my open
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 2: concept house is stress me out because I'm just like,
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 2: if if I want to watch a rom com and
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 2: you're not in the mood, you need to have a
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 2: space to go into. Then No, Like whenever I watch
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 2: HGTV and they've taken down walls, one big room and
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 2: it's the kitchen, living room, dining situation, but everything's like
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 2: sectioned off with furniture, I'm just like, I'll know because
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 2: if you're watching again back to the whole scary movie situation,
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 2: if you're watching a scary movie and I'm trying to
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 2: cook lasagna, like we've got a problem. You need to
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 2: be able to watch that in a room that I
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 2: can't see.
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, one time, my truth telling tism got the best
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: of me and a very toxic married couple bought a
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: house and they had moved from a two bedroom apartment
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 1: where one room was their bedroom and one room was
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 1: the male partner's office and like hobby room. So whenever
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 1: he was in a tiss he had somewhere to be
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 1: that was not a public space, But whenever she was
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 1: in a tis, all of the places that she could
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 1: escape to technically public spaces, right, because like right, So
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 1: they moved to a house. It's got three bedrooms down,
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 1: so they got a bedroom. She uses their guest bedroom
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 1: as like a little girl sanctuary, and then he has
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 1: an office. Now, ah, there are a couple that like
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 1: have no chill, so they very much need to know
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 1: what you like the best about their new house. So
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 1: when he asks me this very momentous question that's like
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 1: going to make or break his life, and my answer
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 1: is I like that you both have a space that
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 1: is clearly your owns, because I've been in your house
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 1: when you guys are fighting and you don't have neutral
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 1: spaces and that was like a lot for all of us,
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 1: which is true, Which is true. Thank god you fix
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 1: that problem. Like I should have just said the screen
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 1: in porch, like I should have. I ruined everyone's evening.
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 1: You know, it sounds looks great, the screen imports love
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 1: that for you screen. These twinkle lights super cute, but
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: like literally they were so emotionally mentally exhausting, And I
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 1: was like, I like that you both have somewhere to
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 1: escape too when you're not on your best behavior, and
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 1: I won't have to watch it anymore.
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 2: But that's also kind of a big part of it,
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 2: because every time I see people who have like an
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 2: open concept situation and they're mad at their partner, it's
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 2: always because of something they're doing in that shared space
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 2: that irritates them.
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, if you only have somewhere else to
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 1: be with the wall and you would never know, you
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 1: would never know.
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think too again, it goes back to
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 2: that girl's I mean, I didn't explicitly say this, but
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 2: you know, there's a lot of growing apart that happens
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 2: when you are married versus growing together. I think growing
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 2: together is very intentional. I think growing together is deliberate
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 2: and takes work. And I think growing apart is very
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 2: easy and happens a lot because it is very very
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 2: easy to like, well, we're married now, so like we've
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 2: done it, but they're still yeah, but there's still like
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 2: milestones that you hit, there's still things that could happen.
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 2: There's still things that could go wrong. They're really it's
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 2: like it's like if you never here's my analogy. You know,
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 2: when I grew up in this house back I was
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 2: gorgeous because people were taking care of it. We have
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 2: lush green grass, the greener like, the trees were perfect,
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 2: the fruit trees had the best fruit growing in on them,
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 2: all things. I moved back in fourteen years later and
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 2: I'm just like, oh, this is a shit show. It
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 2: literally looks like the fucking junkyard and the sandlot because
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 2: no one took care of it. They just let it exist.
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 2: And now I'm doing all this hard work to make
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 2: it beautiful. And that's what a lot of people I
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 2: see who are married for ten plus years are doing.
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 2: They're either being like fuck it, I'm done, or they're
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 2: being like, Okay, we got to clean out. We got
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 2: to clean the shit out and make it pretty again. Yeah,
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 2: and I'm not saying that I want to avoid any
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 2: hard times. That's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying
• 1:05:58
  Speaker 2: it's in my opera and a few relationships that I've had,
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 2: being as singles for as long as I have been,
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 2: and being able to get to know myself as well
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 2: as I've been able to get to know myself, I
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 2: know that I need regular maintenance in my relationships in
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 2: order for them to be successful. Because I've also observed
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 2: in my friendships when there isn't regular maintenance, shit gets weird, awkward, uncomfortable.
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 2: It happens like why should I assume that my romantic
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 2: relationship is any different than a Poltonic one when it
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 2: comes to maintenance.
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, Julia, we should probably move into a closing
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 1: out part. What would you like to tell us is
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 1: your biggest lesson from your rom com era.
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 2: I think the biggest, like dumb moment, like I think
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 2: I subconsciously knew this but I didn't say it out loud,
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 2: was men and women walking into dating with very different expectations,
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 2: like we know this intrinsically, but to actually actively see
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 2: it in front of my face. Because now I'm doing
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 2: the work is a completely different experience.
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 1: Have you seen the Giggly Squad a video about this?
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 1: Hannah Burner read an article I don't remember which one,
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 1: but she said that it changed her entire life. Hannah
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 1: Burner was like, do you realize that when men walk
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 1: into a dating situation for the first time, they're starting
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 1: at zero and everything is either a tick up or
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 1: a tick down? Right, Women start at one hundred, giving
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 1: you the complete benefit of the doubt, and then like
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 1: men chip away. But if you're starting at one hundred
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 1: and it's like, oh, his breast stinks, all right, that's
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 1: probably like a ninety eight, it's still a really long
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 1: time before you're gonna like eject yourself out of it.
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 1: But if you're a man and I've only made like
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 1: seven good points and then it's like she's not available
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 1: on Thursdays and that ticks me down, that's way closer
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 1: to zero. Yeah, yeah, gosh.
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 2: That's wild. I guess I don't go into anything with
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 2: expectations anymore.
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 1: Oh but I so. I So here's the thing too.
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 1: I don't even think the one hundred is like an
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 1: expectation that you're going to treat me, right, I think
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 1: the one hundred is like the expectation of this is
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 1: just gonna work out because like we both got out
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 1: of our house or whatever. Like I very much get
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 1: into that mindset where it's like, why would you want
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 1: my company if you're a racist? I don't understand.
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I know I was fetishis I mean
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 2: for me on my own because I you know, was
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 2: s fetishized for when I was hot, I was very
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 2: I had a fit body, and my thighs looked good uncovered.
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 2: I was fetishized all the day.
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but I'm always like, you agreed to be here too,
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 1: you were also into this going well, but like no,
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 1: they're like literally like waiting for you to prove that
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 1: this was worth their time, and you've already decided that
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 1: it's worth your time.
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 2: Oh that's so funny. I'm gonna have to think about
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 2: how I personal things because I do I leave the
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 2: house with the just spagetting at the wall and see
• 1:09:04
  Speaker 2: what happens now, Like I mean, like that's kind of
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 2: also my videos too, where it's like, well, do what happens?
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I'll find that goodly Squad video. Hannah and Paige,
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 1: if you ever want to be friends. I'm gonna just
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 1: click this and send this to you just because I
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 1: just do it.
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 2: Because because it is really, i mean, just the whole,
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 2: the whole dating is just so interesting. And then I
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 2: went through like a couple of days, and that's probably
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 2: why I'm dragging my feet and editing the newest context.
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 2: I have like two or three videos that I need
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 2: to cut together where it's just like, oh, everyone on
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 2: TikTok and renals is fucking hot, Like these women and
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 2: men are insanely attractive the way like, are you in
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 2: the gym two hours a day? Do you have a
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 2: person making a healthy food for you? You? I lucky if
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 2: I can. I'm lucky if I put on things close
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 2: some days okay, and so like, so like there are
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 2: moments when like what am I doing? Like I'm working
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 2: on the whole, Like you can't be lovable if you're
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 2: not like Nicole kidman skinny. Like I'm working on that
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 2: because like I feel very confident when I do things,
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 2: and then I put it on the internet, and then
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 2: the Internet it's like, oh, you like dating stuff, here's
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 2: a bunch of videos about dating and everyone looks like
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 2: Hollywood hot. And then I'm just like, well, thanks for that.
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 2: My ego has been crushed a little bit and I'm
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 2: gonna have to go hide in a corner.
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 1: Now, what's your manifestation? I mean, uh, loving and selfless partner. Yeah,
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 1: I figured that's what it would be.
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 2: Should it be anything else in this topic.
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 1: No, my manifestation. So Anny and I planned out a
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 1: TikTok that I could do where it's like me moving
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 1: back to Northwest Indiana and trying to find the girls,
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 1: gays and things, and I'm just walking around, I'm going
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 1: pink Pony and then waiting, ah o tt oh d o.
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 2: Haven't you seen that video or the girls walking or
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 2: she's like anoa and think there's gaze here, and then
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 2: she starts singing a share song and then like seings
• 1:11:16
  Speaker 2: the one opening thing and then everyone and like she's
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 2: like I found them.
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm sure that does have a bodegas wherever she's at.
• 1:11:23
  Speaker 1: I'm in the Midwest. I need like I need to
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 1: poke for.
• 1:11:28
  Speaker 2: I feel like share would also work in this scenario
• 1:11:32
  Speaker 2: because if you can find a share loving gay in
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 2: New York, you can find a share loving gay in
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 2: the Midwest.
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm manifesting for myself more girls, gays
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 1: and days who want to roll dice with me and
• 1:11:41
  Speaker 1: play D and D and D and D adjacent games.
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 1:11:45
  Speaker 2: I think that's great.
• 1:11:46
  Speaker 1: I might also make a video where it's like me
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 1: trying to find the girls, gays and days who get
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 1: it and like yell things like roll initiative.
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 2: Do you attack that shit? Right?
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 1: I cast silvery barb.
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 2: I don't know what any of that means.
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 1: Because you're not a girl, gay or they who gets it.
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 1: But the ones who get it will get it.
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 2: That's true. I think the other part of my manifestation
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 2: is too, because I'm planning a trip to Canada. This
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 2: is a certain front in twenty twenty six. Is the
• 1:12:18
  Speaker 2: other part of that manifestation is that actually happening. I'm
• 1:12:21
  Speaker 2: saving money, but as we've learned of the summer, shit
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 2: happen life, it's derailed, and so the other part of
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 2: my manifestation is to make it to Canada because where
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 2: we're going is near Halifax, which is where my Venus
• 1:12:34
  Speaker 2: line runs through.
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 1: One of my manifestations is a certain friend of the
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 1: podcast in ours and I found out through the magic
• 1:12:42
  Speaker 1: of Emily and Prarie that in Chicago there's an hour
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 1: on the hour. Every hour there's a plane that will
• 1:12:49
  Speaker 1: take you to New York and then a plane that
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 1: will take you home from New York. And we were like,
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 1: why didn't we know that? Yeahad down, Like literally now
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 1: it says easy as like a two hour plane ride
• 1:12:59
  Speaker 1: any day, we could want to do it, and like,
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 1: hopefully Lily Collins wasn't lying no, because it's in Hello
• 1:13:05
  Speaker 1: Beautiful that the book.
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 2: It comes up in Hello Beautiful, it's a thing that
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 2: one of the characters does. She flies, and she does
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 2: their hour flight from New York to Chicago.
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like, come on, I could be.
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 2: And like, wouldn't it be amazing? So I want to
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 2: beat back to me, wouldn't it be amazing?
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 3: If I was on Prince Edward Island and met a
• 1:13:28
  Speaker 3: professional oyster shucker who had Gilbert blythe bibs and was like, sure,
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 3: I'll move to America with you, even though Canada is
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 3: probably better for her health.
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 2: Annie, And unless we can convince my kid to also
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 2: move to Canada, because we both know I can't live
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 2: far away from him.
• 1:13:46
  Speaker 1: Annie and I were watching Ultimate Girls Trip Real Housewives,
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 1: where they were at Trenda's bluestone manor, and she grew
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 1: for them a seafood boil broil, whatever you a shellfish broil.
• 1:14:02
  Speaker 1: And I told Annie, and I was like, I know,
• 1:14:04
  Speaker 1: because like now they're tearing apart seafish like shellfish on
• 1:14:10
  Speaker 1: camera and it's very visceral. And I told Annie and
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 1: I was like, listen, I never I know that I
• 1:14:15
  Speaker 1: would never be able to do this on camera brave
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 1: or in public. But damn, like there is something about
• 1:14:21
  Speaker 1: just like cracking crab legs and me like, I eat
• 1:14:24
  Speaker 1: this now, that's like very horror coated. That makes my
• 1:14:28
  Speaker 1: sick o brain be like yeah. And Annie also said
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 1: she goes, oh, I get to beat up my food
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 1: before I eat it. Yes, like.
• 1:14:38
  Speaker 2: That that's so funny.
• 1:14:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because we're sick, it's fine. So yeah, my manifestation
• 1:14:44
  Speaker 1: is finding the girls Kays and days, because I only
• 1:14:46
  Speaker 1: want to play D and D and D and D
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 1: adjacent activities with the girls skays and things who get
• 1:14:51
  Speaker 1: it and and you know what, girls is sometimes a
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 1: very broad term because like that also includes Dave Fatista
• 1:14:59
  Speaker 1: and Papa Pascal for some reason, like I don't make
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 1: the rules.
• 1:15:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like if Dave Fatista wanted to be the leading
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 2: man in my rom pom, I would not be mad.
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 1: Dave Batista. I hope you know how loved you are
• 1:15:11
  Speaker 1: on Team Tolerato. Okay. I go to bed every day
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 1: for Dave Batista. Every day, I'm like, you know, who's
• 1:15:18
  Speaker 1: the greatest person on earth, Dave Batista. You see him
• 1:15:20
  Speaker 1: play with those puppies, Like, why.
• 1:15:24
  Speaker 2: Did I long to give us the puppy? Dave poopden.
• 1:15:28
  Speaker 1: I am literally like Dave every time someone has a
• 1:15:32
  Speaker 1: rom com like because I know writers, Okay, Dave, I
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 1: know writers. I am also a writer.
• 1:15:38
  Speaker 2: I mean like in my real life, Like sure, I'm
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 2: if I'm sitting at one of my current favorite spots
• 1:15:45
  Speaker 2: to read in public and Modesto and I'm sitting there
• 1:15:47
  Speaker 2: with my book and my Cosmopolity in nineteen thirty four
• 1:15:51
  Speaker 2: and my girl dinner, and he walked in and sat
• 1:15:54
  Speaker 2: down next to me and also opened a book, and
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 2: then at the end of the night was like, hey,
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 2: can I get your number? Would say yes, whole.
• 1:16:01
  Speaker 1: Day, every day, whole day, every day. But Dave, I'm
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 1: talking to you directly. I'm a writer. I know writers.
• 1:16:08
  Speaker 1: I know writers who know prolific people like God, like
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 1: real high, like you think of someone in your head,
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 1: and we'll figure out if I know someone who knows them.
• 1:16:19
  Speaker 1: Every time they bring up a romantic comedy adjacent script,
• 1:16:25
  Speaker 1: like something that I think I could turn into a
• 1:16:27
  Speaker 1: romantic comedy, I'm like, we have to cast Dave Patsy
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 1: because I read one time that Dave Patista has gone
• 1:16:36
  Speaker 1: out for rom comms and hasn't gotten callbacks, and now
• 1:16:40
  Speaker 1: he's insecure that he's not pretty enough for day for
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 1: rom comms, And Dave Patista, I need you to know,
• 1:16:46
  Speaker 1: with my whole chest, with my whole chest, on a
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 1: podcast where I'm not supposed to be sticking up for men,
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 1: you are beautiful. You're the only person I want to
• 1:16:58
  Speaker 1: see in rom coms. It turns out you've never done
• 1:17:01
  Speaker 1: anything wrong in your entire life, and I would love
• 1:17:07
  Speaker 1: to write that rom com with you. You call me,
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 1: You call me. Okay, I got people on lockdown. Okay,
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 1: we can do this. We can do this together, Dave,
• 1:17:18
  Speaker 1: You Me Letting Kravits, Papa Pascal. We can make this happen.
• 1:17:24
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna make this happen, Okay, Dave, I'm gonna cut
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 1: this and put it on TikTok because that's how I
• 1:17:29
  Speaker 1: got to be friends with Rosie O'donnald and that's how
• 1:17:32
  Speaker 1: I got Katie Maloney to give me attention. So cutting it,
• 1:17:35
  Speaker 1: I'm putting it on TikTok and I'm like, Dave, it's
• 1:17:38
  Speaker 1: me and you. It's me and you, Dave Batista, me you,
• 1:17:42
  Speaker 1: we can have the whole world. I promise, I promise
• 1:17:47
  Speaker 1: I would have that happen for you, Dave.
• 1:17:49
  Speaker 2: Not only would I pay money to see him in
• 1:17:51
  Speaker 2: a rom com several times. Like I said before, if
• 1:17:54
  Speaker 2: you were to show up at a certain line that
• 1:17:56
  Speaker 2: is featured several times in my rom com series and
• 1:17:59
  Speaker 2: sit next to me reading and then ask for number
• 1:18:01
  Speaker 2: day to night, I would see this.
• 1:18:03
  Speaker 1: Dave Puza, I love you, Okay, I need you to
• 1:18:08
  Speaker 1: know that you You You're my only hope. Okay, You're
• 1:18:15
  Speaker 1: myobi wan Kenobi. You're my only hope and me ever
• 1:18:18
  Speaker 1: enjoying a rom com. I we love Dave Bautista. On
• 1:18:24
  Speaker 1: Team Tolerator. We talk about him all the time. There
• 1:18:29
  Speaker 1: are other men who have come to the top of that,
• 1:18:31
  Speaker 1: like James McAvoy and Dan Stevens. Hello allies, Oh I love.
• 1:18:34
  Speaker 2: Dan Stevens Crawley.
• 1:18:38
  Speaker 1: Okay, but do you know why I love Dan Stevens.
• 1:18:42
  Speaker 2: He's in movies I will never see.
• 1:18:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because now he's a weirdo. Now he's a cold cop. Weirdo.
• 1:18:47
  Speaker 1: Hey Dan, can't wait for us to be friends because
• 1:18:50
  Speaker 1: we're weird. Hey Dan, I love weird Dan Stevens is
• 1:18:55
  Speaker 1: my favorite. Only I were still straight. Now that Dave
• 1:18:59
  Speaker 1: Bautista and Dan Stevens are weirdos, I.
• 1:19:04
  Speaker 2: Can't wait for Downton rewatching season to come. Sorry, and
• 1:19:08
  Speaker 2: I'll just be watching Cuckoo.
• 1:19:11
  Speaker 1: I've been watching the Godzilla kan movie where they fight,
• 1:19:14
  Speaker 1: but it's all about found family. Be watching Dave Batista
• 1:19:18
  Speaker 1: with those puppies while him and I get on a
• 1:19:19
  Speaker 1: zoom call about Dave Patita. It's me and we can
• 1:19:24
  Speaker 1: make the whole world happen. Baby, I know it. I
• 1:19:26
  Speaker 1: know it. That amount of charm in one room, my charm,
• 1:19:30
  Speaker 1: Dave Batista's charm. Forget it. We're president, We're the ultimate ruler.
• 1:19:35
  Speaker 1: We've taken over the moon. Love k it, We've done it. Yeah.
• 1:19:43
  Speaker 1: So anyways, Julia, congratulate your rom com era. I'm sorry
• 1:19:47
  Speaker 1: that that took a weird turn where I'm like, I'm
• 1:19:48
  Speaker 1: going to make this my love letter to Dave Batista
• 1:19:51
  Speaker 1: real quick. I just excuse me, Julia, go away, I
• 1:19:53
  Speaker 1: need to talk to Dave. It was to talk to
• 1:19:56
  Speaker 1: Dave Patista. I haven't talked to him a while. Just
• 1:19:59
  Speaker 1: love him. I just love him.
• 1:20:02
  Speaker 2: I mean, honestly, he's hard not to love, you know.
• 1:20:06
  Speaker 1: You know how, I think like a hug for Ugie
• 1:20:08
  Speaker 1: and Lovey would cure me, you know, like heal all
• 1:20:12
  Speaker 1: of the generational trauma, just like simmering in my body,
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 1: the childhood wounds, the childhood wounds, the wounds, the gaping
• 1:20:21
  Speaker 1: wounds in my soul. Same with Dave Patista, same with
• 1:20:25
  Speaker 1: Dave Patista. I'm leaving all of this in. I'm only
• 1:20:27
  Speaker 1: going to cut part of it for TikTok, the cool part.
• 1:20:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, I'm here for it. I support that.
• 1:20:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So anyways, Julia, tell everyone where they can find you,
• 1:20:36
  Speaker 1: and then I'll plug Dave Fatista stuff.
• 1:20:42
  Speaker 2: To quote my friend, there's no shortage of me on
• 1:20:44
  Speaker 2: the internet. You can if you want to follow along
• 1:20:48
  Speaker 2: my romcom journey. It is on TikTok and on Instagram.
• 1:20:52
  Speaker 2: Z Julia Washington thh Julia Washington If you want to
• 1:20:57
  Speaker 2: shop my shop Pose and Glow, it is Julia Washington
• 1:21:01
  Speaker 2: Productions dot com. Even though I own prosonglow dot com,
• 1:21:05
  Speaker 2: cannot figure out how to switch them. So that way
• 1:21:09
  Speaker 2: you can shop pros Andglow dot com. No, you can
• 1:21:11
  Speaker 2: go to Julia Washington Productions dot com to shop prosen
• 1:21:15
  Speaker 2: Glow because I'm great at business. From there you can
• 1:21:20
  Speaker 2: find literary inspired candles. Do I need to make? Well,
• 1:21:23
  Speaker 2: he's a movie. He's a movie. Boy. Here's what we need.
• 1:21:26
  Speaker 2: We need Dave Batista to pay to play the leading
• 1:21:29
  Speaker 2: man in a movie that's been adapted from a book.
• 1:21:31
  Speaker 2: So I can make a character candle because I make boyfriend.
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 2: I have a boyfriend candles series. Yeah, So that way
• 1:21:39
  Speaker 2: we can make him a candle or Dave.
• 1:21:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:21:42
  Speaker 2: Yes, because they always describe what boyfriends smell like in
• 1:21:47
  Speaker 2: romantic comedy books. So basically, which is which is the
• 1:21:51
  Speaker 2: inspiration behind the candle line?
• 1:21:53
  Speaker 1: Okay, write in what you spell like. I know you know,
• 1:21:58
  Speaker 1: I know You've been told you write it. Someone write
• 1:22:00
  Speaker 1: into me what Dave Fatista smells like?
• 1:22:02
  Speaker 2: Okay, but I feel like it's less creepy if he
• 1:22:04
  Speaker 2: plays a character in a movie that's based on a
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 2: character in a book, and I do it from there
• 1:22:09
  Speaker 2: like that feels less like inappropriate, that feels more on brand.
• 1:22:14
  Speaker 1: For him to just tell me what his brand of
• 1:22:16
  Speaker 1: cologne is, I don't think so. If hems me and
• 1:22:21
  Speaker 1: he's like it's Elm and Sage, that's not creepy. He's
• 1:22:24
  Speaker 1: just answering a question.
• 1:22:28
  Speaker 2: So then you can shop production stock.
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 1: I smell like coconut milk right now, if anyone was wondering,
• 1:22:34
  Speaker 1: And you can.
• 1:22:35
  Speaker 2: Buy the Boyfriend series candle literary inspired candles, also hand
• 1:22:39
  Speaker 2: painted greeting cards. And also if you're in California, I
• 1:22:43
  Speaker 2: host book parties and I would love.
• 1:22:45
  Speaker 1: To see you there, and we're at men. I have
• 1:22:50
  Speaker 1: tolerated pod on Instagram too, all the men I have
• 1:22:52
  Speaker 1: tolerated before on Patreon, Natley K one two four on TikTok,
• 1:22:56
  Speaker 1: where you'll see me and Dave make a beautiful friendship.
• 1:23:00
  Speaker 1: So can't wait, And you can check out when Rosie
• 1:23:03
  Speaker 1: o'donald comments on my stuff.
• 1:23:05
  Speaker 2: So she did yesterday, Yes, when I got when I
• 1:23:09
  Speaker 2: opened up TikTok, it was like Rosie o'donnald commented on
• 1:23:12
  Speaker 2: a TikTok you're tagged it. I was like, what, Because
• 1:23:15
  Speaker 2: we're friends, Rosie O'donald.
• 1:23:19
  Speaker 1: Me, Rosie o'donnald Icon, pushball Icon, Rosie o'donald, So go
• 1:23:26
  Speaker 1: follow us on all of those things. And remember, tolerators,
• 1:23:29
  Speaker 1: you don't have to smile through anything you're tolerating, including
• 1:23:32
  Speaker 1: ridiculous beauty standards that make people feel bad about themselves.
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 1: So they've never made Dave Batista a leading star in
• 1:23:39
  Speaker 1: a rom com until I do it Coming twenty thirty two,
• 1:23:44
  Speaker 1: my rom com with Dave Batista just called Nadi did this.
• 1:23:50
  Speaker 1: Smiles are for Joy