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Bessie Sturgis: The Bold Rebuild- How Small Steps Change Everything · The Bold Lounge

• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Bold Lounge Podcast.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Lee Burgess and I will be your host.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: If you're anything like me, you love hearing inspiring stories of people who have gone on bold journeys and made a positive impact in the world.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: This podcast is all about those kinds of stories.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Every week we'll hear from someone who has taken the leap or embarked on an extraordinary journey.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: In addition to hearing their stories, we'll also learn about their bold growth mindset that they use to make things happen.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: Whether they faced challenges or doubts along the way, they persisted and ultimately achieved their goals.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: These impactful stories will leave you feeling motivated and inspired to pursue your own bold journey.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: I believe everyone has a bold story waiting to be free.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: Tune in and get ready to be inspired.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Bold Lounge.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Today I have Bessie Sturgis.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: Bessie's journey is defined by faith, perseverance, and purpose.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: After a life-threatening health crisis, when her youngest son was eight months old, she fought her way back through rehabilitation, medication, and prayer, vowing never to let fear or doubt hold her back.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: Since then, she's embraced life boldly, returning to school for engineering, raising her sons with resilience, and giving back to her community.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: She's living proof that grace restores, healing is possible, and even after the hardest seasons, you can rise, rebuild, and thrive.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the bold lounge.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for having me.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: So when you think about your bold life and all the things within it, how would you define the word bold?
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_01: So I had to think long and hard on this, but for me, basically being bold means living out loud, but not only on purpose, but in purpose.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: So it's saying yes to what's calling you, even when fear or doubt try to talk you out of it.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: So it's choosing to show up fully without waiting for the right time.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: I've always had a thing with waiting for the right time, but there is no right time.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: So I always wanted to just do it.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: So when you think about that definition, so living out loud on purpose and in purpose.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to talk a little about that later.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: Also, not letting fear or doubt hold you back.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: What's a time in your life that you lived fully aligned to that definition?
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: Shortly after my health scare, I was actually in nursing school.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: I was a nursing student.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: And so it completely threw me off because cognitively I wasn't the same person afterwards.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: And so the will to push and to keep moving forward came alive because I had to do physical therapy, occupational therapy.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I was dealing with um as a side effect, migraines and seizures.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: So I was afraid, I couldn't find my words a lot of the time, but I knew that I had a purpose and I knew that I wanted to achieve certain things.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: So I mean, I pushed the fear aside, and even if it was taking two steps, that was a fear for me, which was new because hello, I'm a grown adult.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I've been walking for years, but I had to relearn those certain things.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: So I was fearful, although I knew it was something that I had to do.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: So in some ways, you sound like you had to start over.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: So take us right to that moment.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: What happened with the life-threatening illness and what was the moment about and what did it feel like?
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: So actually I I will share that I had a mild stroke.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: And being so young, it was really uncommon.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: How old were you when when it happened?
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: I was 28.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: So you were 28 and had a mild stroke.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: I was at home.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: I literally had just gotten done with classes in nursing school.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: So like I'm feeling the symptoms and I'm recognizing the symptoms.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: And oddly enough, we are just learning about these things.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: And they're like, you're self-diagnosing.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: Just relax, you know, you're okay.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: But inside, I did not feel myself.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: I felt like I was slowing down.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: I felt the numbing and it felt like my vision was doing something.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: So against my better judgment, I bathed my son in the tuna.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: I cooked dinner and I said, Well, if no one's gonna take me, I'm gonna take myself.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: So I drove to the hospital.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: My mom ended up like, hey, well, if you're really I mean, they literally like, she's a nursing school, she's probably just you know, yeah, freaking so I hopped in the car and I got to the hospital and I got in and I was able to tell them my name, and then I woke up in the room.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: That was the last, like I signed in, my name is, and then that was all I remember.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: I passed out.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: So when you think about something that can shake you to your core, like you know, you hear people say, Oh, that shook me.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: This is certainly one of those moments.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so when they told you you had a stroke at 28, what was the first thing that came to you?
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: No way.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: You're lying, like that's not true, right?
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: I wait for more tests and we'll see exactly what actually happened.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: And they're like, No, the hardest thing was not being able to find my words, being asked questions and then not being able to find the simplest words and having a conversation.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: So I became sort of a recluse when it came to that.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: Of course, I didn't continue on with school at that moment.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't want to talk because it's like number one, it was slow and a bit of a stutter to come out, but then the simplest words, not being able to find them, it made conversation to me like pointless.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, like I said, a bit of a recluse in like I'm not even gonna talk.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not, I didn't want to see friends, I didn't want to see family, you know.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: Cognitively, I just was not the same, and my retention wasn't the same, so it was just like, oh gosh, this is what life's gonna be.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: And then I had really weakness in my legs, like physical therapy.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: I had to do that for um quite a bit, occupational therapy.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: So and you had an eight-month old nine, yeah.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: On top of that, yes, on top of that, and I had a four-year-old, so the eight-month old, you know, was enough, but then there's the toddler as well.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: So it was just like, oh gosh, that's a lot.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: So it not only had a physical toll, but it had an emotional toll on you.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: It sounds like yes, it did.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: So, like with regard to like being recluse and not wanting to be around people, was that just because you didn't want to be seen or it was frustrating to not be able to speak, or you were still taking it all in?
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: It was actually all a combination of all of that.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: Taking it in, not being able to, I feel like, have a just a regular conversation and being able to find the words was just the hardest thing ever.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like I and people ask me questions and I'm trying to get it out, and I can't, and they're guessing, and it just it was all you were not only felt this physically, but emotionally, and trying to get set, take it all in, as well as understand kind of what do I do next?
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: How do I how do I get back to me?
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: Is that how you felt?
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: That's exactly how I felt.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: Just you know, being such a resilient, uh, such a spry person, just full of life, and then going to now I need help, I need assistance walking.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I can't find my words, I can't fully care for the children.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Did you have any help or were you doing it solo?
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sure your mom was popping in and Yeah, my mom was helping, and my son's father was helping, but it was nothing like what I get done.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I drove myself to the hospital because you know, everybody wasn't as they weren't hearing me and I knew me.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, no, something is definitely wrong.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, I had help, but it was nothing like what I best can do.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: You can't do Bessie's job.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: I do a lot of a lot of things, you know.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: And my mother, I actually care for my mother as well.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: So it was like she can't offer too much help.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: So Yeah.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: So when you think about that, where did fear come in there?
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: You know, where did fear first hit you?
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: Once you had your diagnosis and you got home and you were trying to get back into your groove, where did fear fill in for you?
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: It filled in when I couldn't gather my thoughts and then wondering if life will ever be the same.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: Will someone have to from here on out take care of me and my children?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: You know, will I be able to actually find my purpose and live in my purpose?
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: Things like that.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it was so overwhelming just to think about how much life I had ahead.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: And if I had to depend on others, like what quality of life that would produce for me personally, because I'm very um independent and you know, type of take charge.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: So that was my worst fear.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: Like someone's gonna have to take care of me and my children, you know, and I won't have much say so.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: I have to wait for people, you know, things like that.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: So and how did that make you feel?
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_01: It made me feel less than, not enough, inadequate.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: It made me feel like people were handling me with kid gloves, you know, as I'm trying to get my words out or when I'm trying to walk, or you know, things like that.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: It made me feel less than, honestly.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: Was it frustrating and annoying?
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like for me, I like I I hear you and I can I can see you and we've met.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: I've like to me that would like be frustrating and annoying.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_01: A hundred percent.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: You don't want to be angry, you don't want to be mad, but I mean you kind of like are not in a good place emotionally.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: So, how do you pick yourself up and maybe kick yourself into another gear?
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because you certainly have.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: So looking at my children and looking around, I could be a woe is me, but I decided to let the fear and the pain that held me down propel me into what's next.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: It's like you can sit here and feel sorry for yourself, or you can use all of that bottled up energy, all that frustration, all that emotion, and do something great and be something great.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like, my best thing is to another part of being bold is to do everything they said you can't.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: So from that day forward, I was like, you know what?
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna say no to anything, and I'm gonna try everything.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: And honestly, I have.
• 10:06
  unknown: Okay.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'm on my way to doing things like that.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: Like three years ago, I got my commercial driver's license, so truck driving.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: They said I couldn't, so you know, I've been seizure free for 10 plus years, my game free for 10 plus years.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: So it's just like, do it, just do it.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: I just want people to know you don't have to sit in that space.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: So if someone's listening today right now and they they have a fear or something that's been holding them back, or they they're overwhelmed, which is definitely something I've heard a lot of people say, even myself recently.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: So just name that fear out loud or write it down.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: Write it down.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: Just know you're gonna kick it.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 10:46
  unknown: Absolutely.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: You're not going to let it, you know, really define you, you're not going to let it hold you back, you're not going to let that fear or that heavy thing you've been carrying keep you from your purpose, right?
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: So, where did faith come into that attitude of like, I can do anything?
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna say yes, and I'm going to prove in a way other people wrong.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: But that's not why you were doing it, but you were doing it for you.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: Doing it for me and doing it for my children.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: I leaned heavy into faith when this happened.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: Although I was a religious type person, I leaned heavy into faith and knowing that um I seen that not everybody even makes it through.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: So I knew I owed it to my faith.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: I owed it to God to to give it my best shot.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you were so young.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: Did you say why?
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Why did this happen to me?
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: Did you ever ask that question?
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: I know we're not supposed to.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: Like me of all, I'm dealing with a million things right now.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm doing my thing.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, sometimes we're like, I'm doing my thing, and I don't know why this needed to be added to the plate, right?
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: So, why do you think this happened to you at 28?
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_01: It happened to me because I could handle it.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: I happened to me because I needed to understand how strong I actually am.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: It happened to me to show me that you know, life is not to be taken for granted and to live out loud and to take chances is why I believe that it happened to me.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: Because ever since then I've taken chances and they've all worked out.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, I love that.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: And we'll get into some of those.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: Was there a certain turning point where you went from this is so confusing, I'm not getting it, why did this happen?
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: to I'm getting on with my life.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, physical therapy bought that out of me because it was like I'm I'm totally giving up, you know.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: But then I don't know, one day I was sitting there and I was like, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna sit down and take this, I'm not gonna sit down and allow this to be my life.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna sit down and feel sorry for myself.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, I pushed through that pain because at first I was allowing the pain to control, but after the pain, it was the the reward.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: So I don't know.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_01: I just I'm a person that I could have died.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_01: So every moment, every second, every breath is a a new start.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: So I know that even though I'm not perfect, every day, every second, it's it's a time to restart.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: You have a chance while you're here, so to fully take advantage of that.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: Were there routines or rituals that helped you get through the recovery?
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: Certain things that you did at home or for yourself or reading or journaling, those types of things, talking to a friend.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_01: So prior, I know a lot of people always said, you know, write it down, write it down.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, yeah, I don't have time for that.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_01: But through journaling and meditation, and honestly, I look over some of my journals and look at those moments and those struggles, and I'm like, wow, you are awesome, and you've overcome a lot.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I give myself grace.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_01: That's like a form of therapy to me is reading those old journals, reading those notebooks and uh and seeing what I went through.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, girl, you are actually resilient and you're you're bomb, you're bomb.com and you don't even know it.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, you're the real deal, right?
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: You know, when it comes comes to that.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: Was there a certain mantra that you would say you had something you'd say your to yourself, like I know I can do it, or that won't hold me back, or anything that you would say?
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_01: Just do it all the time.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_01: So I I would think to myself, God brought me to it, so he's definitely gonna see me through it.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_01: That was something I kept at the forefront.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: So if someone's listening right now and they're in the middle of their own health or life crisis, what's one micro step, one tiny step?
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think sometimes people think they have to take these big steps, but what's the one micro step they can do today to move forward from what is happening right now that can just feel so heavy and so overwhelming?
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: I would say two things, because you know, with me, I was in a depressed state.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: I would think so.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_01: The simplest thing as just getting up, get up, it helped me.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_01: So get up and write it down.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_01: So I wouldn't say one thing for me, it was two things.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_01: It was get up and also taking the time to write it down.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's heavy, but it's something about releasing it into that pen and that and that paper.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you don't have to carry it by yourself.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_01: You might not have no one to talk to, but you can always write it down and take that personal time with yourself.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: So one of the things that you're saying, get up, and I my husband went through a period of time where he was sick in his early, I guess, mid-30s, and one of the key things we learned was feet on the ground, but basically you're telling your body we're moving.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: We don't know maybe where we're going or how fast we'll be going, but my feet are on the floor.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: Even if you're sitting on the side of the bed with your feet on the floor, you are messaging to your body, we are moving, we are up.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so, like, that is such a huge piece of advice that you just gave.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: So, I want to underscore that, and then write it down.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: And like you said, right now you go back, and those are actually motivation to you to show you like maybe today has a hard moment, but you read one of those journal entries, and you're like, No, that was hard today, even though it feels hard, that's today's easy compared to that.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: Would you say that's absolutely hard?
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so when you think about the changes you've seen in yourself, you know, from then to now.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: So it's been over 10 years, right?
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: So changes in yourself as a woman, as a mother, as a leader, as a Christian, what changes have you seen in yourself over that time period?
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_01: I've learned that there's so many changes in regard to maturity, and to in regard to patience, in regard to are you more patient?
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a lot more patient.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I'm a lot more patient, I'm a lot more understanding, I'm stronger in faith, and I don't let things worry me.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_01: I tell my friends all the time, expect the BS.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_01: Expect the BS.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: It's coming.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's coming.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: And it's in the world in general.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, okay.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: In the world in life, expect the BS and expect the hard time.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_01: Everything's hard, but you got to choose your hard.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_01: Everything's hard, you know.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_01: For some people, it's hard to tie their shoe, it's hard to put on a shoe.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_01: But if you expect it, it doesn't hit you like a ton of bricks.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_01: You have a toolkit.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: You know, what did you do last time when things were hard?
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_01: You know, pull out your toolkit.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_01: And so I expect things to, and I'm not like a pessimist or anything, but I expect that things are gonna happen and things are gonna throw you off.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_01: But my goal is to be prepared for those things.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: So I am so cool, late.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody's like, you just don't care, do you?
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, it's not that.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_01: And certain things that are out of your control, what are you gonna do about it?
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: You just care about the things that have the most meaning now versus caring about or getting taken off course by things that actually don't matter.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm late to work.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I spilled my coffee.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like these things like really tick people off and throw them for a loop, or you know, I'm dealing with a you know, a boss that's a jerk, or I really wish I could have a better relationship with, you know, name the person.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: Those are things obviously from small to the later examples, maybe more important, but they're things that don't need to stop you in your tracks and take so much energy, right?
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: Protect your energy as my motto is to protect my energy.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_01: That's my thing.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna protect my energy, but those small things, like say I had a flat tire, that detour may have protected me.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_01: That might have been God saving me from a car accident or a pile up or something like that.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_01: So I never try to get mad about something that didn't go my way because I'm always thinking about playing C D E F and G, you know.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_01: So I've learned how to pivot.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm a professional pivoter, so professional pivoter.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: There's the title of your book right there.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: So my brother always says everything for a reason and a purpose, and like being late or missing the train or you know, not getting somewhere on time.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: I also believe in that.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: Although it is annoying, uh, but it is like that's that happened on purpose, right?
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: So when you think about things that have deepened, whether it's relationships, it sounds like your faith has deepened.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: You mentioned that.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: What are some of those things that have deepened?
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_01: My confidence has deepened, my faith in God has deepened, and my relationship with myself has deepened because I understand like I carry a lot of people around me.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: What do you mean by that?
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_01: As far as like caring for my mother and my and my children, and then my siblings and my family.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of times I may be the youngest, but there's a lot of people that depend on me.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_01: But understanding that if I'm drowning, I can't save you.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: So making the time and prioritizing myself.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_01: So my self love and my self relationship is deep.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_01: Don't bother me while I'm in my prayer closet, don't bother me while I'm taking the time.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_01: To meditate, these are my five minutes, and that's that.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_01: So protecting my peace and finding myself and loving myself.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so deep in that now, and life has changed completely with putting myself first.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_01: At first, I thought it was selfish, but you know, I now know it's not.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's needed, it's required.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: So, what do you say to someone right now who's listening to this and is like, I I can't, I can't take time for myself.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: I never have time for myself.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: I I just can't figure out how to put that into my schedule.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: I know self-care is important and wellness is important, but and I've heard this over and over, and we do, especially as women, but we don't do anything about it.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: What would you say to them?
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_01: Take five minutes.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_01: You have five minutes, I promise you.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_01: You have five minutes.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_01: Don't go to Starbucks before scroll.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_01: Don't scroll.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_01: You have five minutes.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_01: I promise you have five minutes.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, even if it's just to breathe, to read a book, to walk outside.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_01: You have five minutes.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_01: Take five and breathe.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_01: Close your eyes, do whatever you need to do, but you have five minutes.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, sometimes in the middle of the day, you know, because we all have meetings or we all have our schedules and things we're doing.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: I will literally, and I probably look a little weird, but luckily it's in my backyard.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: I will just go out and I will look up at the sun and close my eyes and just feel the sun on my face.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: And for some reason, that is like such a reset for me.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm sure there's biology and someone can tell me all about why that's important.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I know I do it in the morning too, which is important, but just those couple minutes that I'm just quiet and feeling the sun on my face, it just makes me feel a little bit more reset.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: So it doesn't have to be this big, I'm taking a weekend for myself, or I'm going away alone, or even taking an hour for people.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm always surprised when I talk to clients that they say, I don't even I can't even get up from my desk to go to the bathroom.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: That's a problem.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I would say check yourself right now if if you can relate to that, because I know I could.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: I actually, you know, my story is I burnt out at work and I had like the final thing for me, which I think I easily could have been you, was I went to a very stressful meeting, I did what I had to do, I came out of the meeting and my uh eye had burst.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: I had a blood vessel in my eye burst from the stress of my blood pressure in that meeting.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: I easily could have moved on then to have a stroke, most likely.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: That was kind of my moment, and I felt like even though I felt like God had given me these little hints along the way, I had missed them and I had ignored them most likely, but he was like, I I don't know how you can miss this one.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: And so later was staring me in the face.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: And so when people say like I don't have time for myself, I think that is an excuse in some form or fashion for them not to take the time because maybe they do think it's selfish.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: Do the things that you need to do to be present for you know a couple minutes, you know, more than just five seconds.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: I just want people to realize that they can take that time and it can just start with a few minutes.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_01: I tell people all the time, like you are the author of the book, and you control the pen.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_01: So whether you give up or whether you keep going is up to you, but just know it's really up to you.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_01: You are the author, it's your book.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_00: As you were talking, I visualize like someone literally with a pen.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_00: And like, is the page of your book today, does it say the end, or does it say I think I can, or I will try, or one step closer.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it doesn't have to be major, it just has to be for it does it say feet on the floor, you know?
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: Today is the day, and you woke up and you you're speaking, you're walking, you're talking, you're doing the things that some people wish they could.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: I think a lot of the times we take life for granted.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_00: For sure.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: So did you kind of feel like you had done that before and now you really try not to?
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, absolutely.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_01: I took life for granted in regard to the things that, you know, pouring out of myself when I had nothing in me, you know, and and doing these things for everyone else, after being in the hospital and you know, having to rebuild and everything, I no longer take life for granted.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_01: So, like I said, when I when people ask me speaking engagements or, you know, TV interviews or things like that, yes.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I am scared out of my mind, but I do it anyway.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_01: Do it scared, you know, and it all works out at the end.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: Just go for it, right?
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, go for it.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_01: I do.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_01: So I don't take life for granted at all.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I'm thankful for the sun, I'm thankful for my carpet.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I'm thankful for everything for the bird chirping that's annoying in the morning.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_01: I'm thankful.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_01: So my shirt, thankful.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_01: I am truly grateful.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: So when you think about the things that you've done through prayer and faith and taking real action and your resilience, what's your what's next?
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: What's coming ahead for you?
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_00: What are you looking forward to?
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_01: So my thing was not knowing before I'm like, I don't know who I am or what I'm supposed to do.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_01: Although God keeps showing me these things, like, you know, your voice.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like if I'm like, I don't have the money.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I have a voice.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to be filthy rich to start to live in the dive into your your purpose.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_01: I have my voice.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_01: And my next is actually embracing my purpose.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_01: And like I said, not only living in purpose, but living on purpose all at the same time.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_01: So that's why I'm gonna move forward with I have a story to tell and I can motivate people.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_01: So that's what I'm gonna move forward with doing.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_01: Even though it's scary, I still move forward and and do those type things.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_00: What do you think led to a stroke at such a young age?
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_00: Did they share that with you, or were there things that could have prevented it, or it just was genetic, like in in that sense, or was a whole host of things?
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_01: It was a whole host of things, honestly.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_01: My grandmother had strokes early.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_01: Big Betsy.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_01: So it was a host of things, and then the additional stress and the blood pressure things with carrying too much.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_01: Carrying too much of everybody else's.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like I said, if I can't swim, if I'm drowning, I can't help you.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_01: You know, my cup's empty.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_01: I carry it for my mother after her, she was just really, really sick, and I had to I've been caring her for her for a long time on top of the children and trying to manage my life and go to school and work.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_01: So I don't know.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_01: I've I've carried a lot for a long time.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I learned to start putting those bags down and share the load and make sure people are sharing their part.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you don't get a medal for that, right?
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: You don't get five gold stars or you know, whatever it is that sometimes we think that if we just take on more, that'll fix everything, right?
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I've certainly done it in a smaller scale in the sense of kind of what was, you know, what in my professional career, but I do think like it does seep into our personal lives very easily, right?
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_00: We can't really set them apart.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_00: And you were in school, you were a mom of two, taking care of so many people, and then you actually drove yourself to the hospital, right?
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, when you think about that, like you're not just a survivor, but you know, you're you're now thriving in your life, right?
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_00: And we we hear a lot about that, and it's not just performative strength, meaning like I'm strong because I'm you know, see me and see my social media and all these things and how strong I am, like, but you're real.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_00: So, how does someone show the real side of their life and see that as strength, which is what you're doing?
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's something that's happens and it's organic.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's so powerful for someone to be able to just say what they're feeling, you know, and not feel any judgment.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I now think about people.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_01: I used to worry about what people think or if people like me, but you know, if you do or you don't, that's a you problem.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_01: And taking on those additional problems that don't have anything to do with me.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_00: So people talk about getting back to normal after a crisis.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_00: What does that even mean?
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what is normal to you now versus then?
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_01: The new normal.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_01: It's normal for me now to say no and understand that no is a complete sentence.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_01: It's normal for me now to not feel bad about not showing up to events when I'm, you know, totally exhausted.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_01: So that's my new normal.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like the boldest thing I've ever done in life is to understand that no is a full sentence.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_01: Because I was always trying to yes, yes, yes, yes, yes for everybody.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_01: Even if I didn't have it, I just was magically make it happen.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_01: But I don't ever want to find myself in the hospital again because me not choosing to say no.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_00: So if you could, as we end here today, if you could plant a seed for someone who's listening today and hope that it grows for them, what is that seed?
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_00: What do you want them to hear?
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_01: I would say take the tools life handed you, even the broken ones, and use them to build something that makes you proud.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_01: That makes you proud.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_00: What are you most proud about right now?
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm most proud of how far I've come and I have such a strong faith.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_01: I thank God for where I've come, where I am, and where I have yet to go.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm thankful for all of that.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_01: I'm thankful for my journey.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_00: Awesome.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_00: I love ending on that.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: All the information off Bessie, her journey, and how to connect with her is below in the episode notes.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for sharing your bold journey on the Bold Lounge today.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to the Bold Lounge podcast.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: Through the continuum of bold stories, vulnerability to taking a leap, you will meet more extraordinary people making a positive impact for others through their unique and important story.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_00: By highlighting these stories, we hope to inspire others and share the journey of those with a bold mindset.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: We hope you've enjoyed this podcast and look forward to sharing the next bold journey with you.