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At 38, She Could Barely Afford Her Mortgage. At 56, She's Financially Free. · She's On The Money

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: My name is Natasha Bamblett. I'm a proud First Nations
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: woman and I'm here to acknowledge country. Hello, beautiful friends.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: We gather on the lands of the Aboriginal people. We thank,
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: acknowledge and respect the Aboriginal people's land that we're gathering
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: on today. take pleasure in all the land and respect
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: all that you see. She's On The Money podcast acknowledges culture, country,
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: community and connections, bringing you the tools, knowledge and resources
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: for you to thrive.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: Hello and welcome to She's On The Money, the podcast
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: that lets you be pervy about other people's money stories
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: for educational purposes, of course. Welcome back to another one
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: of our money diaries brought to you by our friends
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: at Sky Wealth, where I get the absolute privilege of
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: sitting down with one of our incredible She's On The
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  Speaker 2: Money community members and talking all about their journey. Let's
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  Speaker 2: jump straight into it because this week I got a
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: message and it sounded exactly like this. Hi, She's On
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  Speaker 2: The Money. At 33 years old, I was married with
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: a baby and a family business and life looked set.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: At 38, I was separated with a very sick child,
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  Speaker 2: a mortgage I absolutely couldn't afford when someone ran a
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  Speaker 2: red light and rode off my car. I had a
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  Speaker 2: level one part-time job in the council. I used a
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  Speaker 2: credit card to make mortgage repayments. Debt was stacking up.
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  Speaker 2: At 56, I now work for myself. I own my home.
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  Speaker 2: I have $ 150, 000 in shares and $ 520, 000 in super. A
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  Speaker 2: life plan is fiction. You can rewrite it at any
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  Speaker 2: time and you may have to more than once. I'd
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  Speaker 2: love to tell the She's On The Money community that
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: you don't have to have your life sorted at 29.
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: Success is your own definition. Money diarist? That makes me
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: want to cry. Like, I'm so excited to share your
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  Speaker 2: journey on the story. Thank you.
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  Speaker 3: Oh, you're welcome. I have been meaning to talk to
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  Speaker 3: you about this for at least a year, so I'm
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  Speaker 3: really happy to be here.
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  Speaker 2: I am just in awe. Like, what a weapon. I'm
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  Speaker 2: so excited. So before we get there, as always, I
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  Speaker 2: need to know. If I asked you to grade your
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  Speaker 2: money habits from A through to F, what grade would
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  Speaker 2: you give them?
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  Speaker 3: Oh, I'm an A.
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  Speaker 2: You're an A. I think you're an A too. Like,
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  Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't think it's subtle based on
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  Speaker 2: the diary you did in.
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  Speaker 3: No, I'm an A. It's taken me a while, but
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  Speaker 3: I'm an A.
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  Speaker 2: Adore. Now, tell me a little bit more about your
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  Speaker 2: money story and the things that have impacted it. How'd
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: you grow up?
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  Speaker 3: Okay, I grew up, I never felt poor. There was
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  Speaker 3: never an awful lot of money floating around, but I
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: didn't ever feel poor. We always... Well, we spent less
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  Speaker 3: than we earned. And if you wanted something, you had
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: to save up. So I had good foundations.
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: So growing up, you never felt like you didn't have money.
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  Speaker 2: But what was like day-to-day life looking like? When did
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  Speaker 2: you get your first part-time job? Was it while you
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  Speaker 2: were still at school?
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  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
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  Speaker 3: I started, I worked for an old couple who lived
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  Speaker 3: out in the back and I would go do their
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  Speaker 3: odd jobs on a Saturday morning. So that was my
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  Speaker 3: first part-time job. And I would only have been, I
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: don't know, 12, 13. And they just, you know, it
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  Speaker 3: was just odd jobs and some company, I think. And
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  Speaker 3: then I went and I had other part-time jobs in
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  Speaker 3: local businesses. And then when I went to uni, I
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  Speaker 3: always worked through the holidays and I did pub work
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: in the evenings just to keep you floating, yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Very cool. Can I make a grand assumption? You did
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  Speaker 2: tell us in your diary in that you're 56. Was
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  Speaker 2: your university free, my friend?
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  Speaker 3: It was. I had free education. I'd say education all
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  Speaker 3: the way through. So thank you very much for that.
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  Speaker 2: I love that. But also, can we get back to that?
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  Speaker 2: That would be really cool. Like, I feel like, why
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  Speaker 2: did we get rid of that?
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  Speaker 3: We should be like the Scandinavians.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. And so tell me a bit more about that.
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  Speaker 2: You finished uni, you graduated, you got a job, you
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: got married. But let's rewind. How'd you meet your husband?
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  Speaker 3: Oh, well, I worked for him. And then that turned
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  Speaker 3: into the family business because we had a relationship. We
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  Speaker 3: stayed together for 15 years.
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  Speaker 4: And we had a family business. And we worked really,
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  Speaker 4: really hard. We did massive hours. And we used to
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  Speaker 4: fight about money all the time. He was a big
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  Speaker 4: believer that you had to have debt to get anywhere.
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  Speaker 4: And I was a big believer in spending less than
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  Speaker 4: you earn. So there was always money friction. And then
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  Speaker 4: there was a final straw.
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  Speaker 3: We broke up while I left. And, yeah, it was tough.
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  Speaker 3: It was tough. Our daughter was... and really quite sick.
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  Speaker 3: And because we live in a regional area, that meant
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  Speaker 3: we had to go to the capital city for hospital
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  Speaker 3: visits every three months. So it was a two-hour drive
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  Speaker 3: to the airport, two-hour flight. So for a 15-minute, half-an-hour appointment,
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  Speaker 3: it would take me three days off work.
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  Speaker 2: My goodness. That is so stressful. And can I be
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  Speaker 2: a little bit pervy? When your daughter was sick, were
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  Speaker 2: you at that point considering leaving your relationship or was
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  Speaker 2: it something that eventuated after you left your relationship?
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  Speaker 3: Simultaneous. So she was sick from the age of about
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  Speaker 3: two and a half. And then when we finally parted,
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  Speaker 3: she was four and a half. So, but he didn't
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  Speaker 3: come to any hospital visits. Like that was just, he
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  Speaker 3: just didn't.
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  Speaker 2: To me, that feels like it probably added to being
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  Speaker 2: a part of that final straw.
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  Speaker 3: No, I don't think so. I think the business had
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: more to do with And his behavior had more to
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  Speaker 3: do with it than the illness of the child.
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  Speaker 2: Wow.
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  Speaker 3: And he was a really quite unpleasant person. Like there
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: was a whole lot of financial abuse, coercive control, all
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: those things thrown in the mix.
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  Speaker 2: I'm so sorry. That sounds terrible to go through, but
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  Speaker 2: also kudos to you. You were like, no, I'm out.
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  Speaker 2: And I'm assuming that's, I'm not assuming. I know that
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  Speaker 2: would have been even harder for you because it's not
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  Speaker 2: he has a full-time job, I have a full-time job.
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  Speaker 2: You were working in a family business that arguably you
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  Speaker 2: probably felt a lot of responsibility to because you'd been
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  Speaker 2: working it up.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, and personal guarantees too. You sign all these personal
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: guarantees because you're a director and then when you leave,
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  Speaker 3: you no longer have any control about what's happening with
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: those suppliers that you sign the guarantees for, but you're
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: still liable. So then you have to bring in lawyers.
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  Speaker 3: And it all gets really expensive and really, really unpleasant.
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  Speaker 2: That's a lot. So how long did it take to
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: kind of unravel that situation?
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  Speaker 3: Oh, years.
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  Speaker 5: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, it would have been like years and years and
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: like so much anxiety and so much mental load. And
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  Speaker 2: adding to that, you had a sick child. So how
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  Speaker 2: did you manage through that period?
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  Speaker 3: Well, autopilot. Really, you just do like the... When you
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  Speaker 3: have a sick kid and you go to the children's hospital,
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  Speaker 3: you're reprioritised because there's always someone who's worse than you.
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  Speaker 3: Some of the kids are really, really sick and they're
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  Speaker 3: not coming home. I actually felt like we were one
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  Speaker 3: of the lucky ones because we only went down once
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  Speaker 3: every three months. So we were a lucky one. If
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  Speaker 3: you're having a bad day, go and visit someone in
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  Speaker 3: the children's hospital because those people have the worst days.
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  Speaker 3: It's life-affirming. When you survive... emotional. Children's hospital is like.
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  Speaker 2: You're a tough woman. I'm very glad that we've crossed paths,
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  Speaker 2: my friend. Tell me a bit more about this. So
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  Speaker 2: you've separated, you have a mortgage and you couldn't afford it.
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  Speaker 2: So you were paying it off on a credit card.
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  Speaker 2: How did you end up with a mortgage you couldn't afford?
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  Speaker 3: Oh, well, that was the... When a relationship's in trouble,
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  Speaker 3: you often think that a geographic relocation will fix everything.
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  Speaker 3: So we bought a door upper, a big Queenslander that
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: was going to be the dream home. And for a
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: while you have a shared project and things look better,
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  Speaker 3: but it doesn't, it just masks the underlying problems. So
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  Speaker 3: I'm left with this half dollar, enormous Queenslander. It was beautiful,
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  Speaker 3: absolutely beautiful, way too big for two people. And I
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  Speaker 3: couldn't afford the mortgage. So I was fortunate. And then
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  Speaker 3: a tiny settlement came out of the business, which is
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  Speaker 3: enough to clear my credit card. And from then onwards,
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  Speaker 3: We lived pretty poor. We did not spend very much money.
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  Speaker 3: And slowly, slowly, we got through it. I couldn't sell
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  Speaker 3: the house because nowadays people think it's a given that
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  Speaker 3: you can sell a house and make money. It hasn't
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  Speaker 3: always been that way. I lost so much money on
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: that house because everything is cycling. And I know now
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  Speaker 3: houses are really expensive and you can sell them reasonably easily.
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  Speaker 3: In those days, interest rates were really high and you
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  Speaker 3: couldn't sell. Our house was on the market for over
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: a year. So I had tenants in because at least
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  Speaker 3: I could use the equity from that house to buy
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: a smaller house. So we lived in the little house
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: and I had tenants in the big house. So the
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: gardens died. My lovely polished floors got all scratched up
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: and all these other things happened because being a landlord
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: is not someone who just sits there and takes the money.
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: There's a lot more to it than that. And I
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  Speaker 3: don't ever want to do that again. But eventually the
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: house sold. And by then I'd gone up the ladder
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: a couple of steps in my job too. So that
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: all helped. That all helped. Because when I left that relationship,
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: I couldn't do anything more than a level one job.
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: I was a husk of myself. And I think people
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: don't realize that leaving is just the first step. You
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: have to find yourself again. And this is a whole
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: new episode. You did a fantastic one on how to leave.
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: Once you've left, you have to find your life again
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: because your support networks will have been removed because that's
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: part of the deal. And it's just really hard to
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: find who you truly are after you've been through something
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: like that. You forget what your values are because you've
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: been queering and gaslit for such a long time. So
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: you have to reestablish yourself as an independent person and
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: then move on. And during that time, you have to
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: look after the kid, do the groceries, go to work
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  Speaker 3: and remember what a social life is like.
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: Absolutely. And that's a lot to go through. So Tell me,
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: what were the things that you did that started to
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: make you feel a bit more like you? Because I
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: feel like you're probably just in survival mode for the
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: first few years out of that. You've got a kid.
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: You are paying a mortgage you can't afford. You're just going,
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: why isn't this house selling? I don't feel like that
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: leaves a lot of mental space to go, you know what?
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: I should take up a hobby.
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  Speaker 3: No, there was no hobbies. I had impressions. They got
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: me started. They're not something that I wanted to be
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: on long-term, but they definitely had their place. And then
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: I started running. And to start with, I could only
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: do one block, not even a block, like one side
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: of a block. And then I built it up and
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: built it up. And running was so good. So good.
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: It got me off the antidepressants and I just started
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: feeling better. And then when you feel better, you look
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: better and people tell you that you feel better and
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: you look better. And it's just the only hard thing
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: is actually putting your shoes on and going for a run.
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: It's Yeah, that saved the day for me.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: And is that something that you've kept throughout your life?
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: Are you still a runner? Is that something that you
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: still go back to?
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: I would like to, but my back doesn't allow me
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: to run anymore.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: That is very fair. Do you know what? My mother-in-law
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: is probably not very happy with me sharing that she's
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: almost 70, but.
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: She is still running and she did her first marathon
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: this year. And just, you know, when you look at
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: people and you go, I want to be you when
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: I'm older.
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: Definitely, definitely.
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: Like if you can continue running, like obviously your back
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: is not, but if you can continue running, I feel
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: like it's such a lifelong journey. hobby or would you
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: say like sport that you can just do on your
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: own and you can do anywhere like all you need
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: is a pair of runners like and that's a cheap
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: hobby it's it's so.
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  Speaker 3: Full it's so little everybody has those shoes in their
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: cupboard already all you need is a pair of shorts
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: you don't need the fancy gear just get out there
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: in your scruffies and go go for a run Yeah,
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: it's so good on so many levels. Yeah, so that's
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: what got me started. And then it's all little steps.
• 12:13
  Speaker 3: It takes a long time, but it's little steps. Like
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: you spend less than you earn. You just, every dollar,
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: you need to know where it goes. I have a spreadsheet,
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: so I know where, I know how much goes on groceries.
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: I know how much goes on power bills. I know
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: how much comes in. And then, so rather than having
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: a budget which Ford predicts, I just know where it's
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: all gone. And then I can go, whoo. I have
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: to entertain when one was a bit big that month,
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: let's cut it back a bit. Or another thing is
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: that for every dollar that you spend, you have to
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: earn $ 1. 30 because your spending is after tax and your
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: income is before tax. So you sort of have to think, okay,
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: so this thing cost me $ 100. I can spend $ 130
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: on that. But are you prepared to earn $ 130 to
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: buy that $ 100 thing?
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: That is very true.
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: It's just about knowing, knowing where it all goes because
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: you know where it comes from, but you have to
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: know where it goes. Yeah.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: So tell me what it's like coming out of relationships,
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: losing your social circle and then trying to rebuild that?
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: Because you said you did a great episode on leaving
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: and this is like literally I wrote a note. I
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: was like, rebuilding after divorce is an episode that I
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: am definitely going to be putting in the show. But
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: what was that like? Because I feel like I have
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: a few friends at the moment that are going through
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: divorce and I think you realize very quickly that that
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: friends you thought were your friends are actually their friends
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: and maybe vice versa what's it like rebuilding a social circle.
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: I lived in a small town well I still do
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: so it's easy because everybody knows everything and they know
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: who and why and so you don't have to tell
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: the story you just it's it is a community and
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: it's not always comfortable that everybody knows everything no thank
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: you it makes life easier in a lot of ways
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: so it was yeah the small town saved me really
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: they We're under their wing and people from work and slowly, slowly.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: I like that. And good people doing good things will
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: always rise to the top. So debt is stacking up
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: for you. Like if we go a little bit back,
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: you end up selling the house. What happens next? You're
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: still working in the council?
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. The council was good. Well, once I sold
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: the house, it was easy because by then I was
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: then well into the green because the small house was cheap.
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: So the mortgage payments on that was small. There's when
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: the house sold, there was a little bit of extra
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: equity came in. And so from then onwards, it's just building.
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: So yeah, selling that house was just fantastic because that
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: was a huge burden and a huge responsibility just gone.
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: And you lost money, but you are talking about it
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: in a way where you're like, I'm just glad that
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: that wasn't part of my journey anymore. Like just dispose
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: of it and call it a day.
• 14:57
  Speaker 3: That's right. You just have to move on. And another thing,
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: don't beat yourself up. When things don't go to plan,
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: it's not a failure. It's just a change of path.
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: Like things don't go to plan. Like when I was 29,
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: I thought I was going to be in this business
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: with this man forever. And I felt bad because I
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: didn't have a child at 29. I was like, that
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: was the thing I beat myself up about. 10 years later,
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: later on, well, I had the child, but everything else
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: had just changed completely. And that's not a failure. That's
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: not a plan that didn't work out. That's just a
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: change of life. And life does this several times like
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: if you can sail all the way through where you're
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: probably bored with your life because there's so much more
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: to it like you can't you you have a rough
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: idea about where you'd like to be but really as
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: you've said before it's your values that are the things
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: that you need to work to not some big plan
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: because you just don't know what is coming often it's
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: out of your control. Sometimes it is in your control.
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: You've made a bad decision. And even if that is
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: what it is, you don't beat yourself up about it.
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: Just move on and say, oh, I won't be doing
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: that one again. And sometimes you choose the wrong people
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: in your life. Especially in relationships, I think that financial
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: compatibility is probably more important than anything else because fighting
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: about money and worrying about money are the most destructive
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: things for yourself and for your relationships. So if you
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: are worlds apart with your ideas of money, save yourself
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: years of pain and just find someone who thinks like
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: you because they're out there or do it by yourself. So.
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: Have you repartnered since?
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: Yes, I have.
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: I'm a very financially compatible person. We've been together for
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: 16 years.
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: 16 years. That is so special. And you're in a
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: small country town. I need to be pervy, my friend.
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: Did they come from the same country town? How do
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: you meet your next husband?
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: Oh, they worked in the same town and we... My
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: friend from work was married to his friend from work.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: Oh, cute. And then you met and now you're on
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: the same financial page. Was there a period of time
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: there where you were like, this is not going to
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: work out for me? I just, I don't know what's
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: going on. Or were you always quite optimistic that you
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: were like, I just need to get through this. I
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: will come out the other side. Like, what was your
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: mindset throughout this? Because it sounds so rough to leave
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: a relationship. You said you had a sick child. They
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: were like, you know, what did you say when you
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: left four, four and a half?
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: Four and a half, yeah.
• 17:28
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: So like, I feel like that's such a pivotal point
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: in their life as well. And you, you know, thankfully
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: you're out of the nappy stage, but like, they're still very,
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: very dependent on you.
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: Oh, she was so much happier after the split because
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: she knew where she was. When you're in that fighting stage,
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: there's that unspoken tension. Even if they don't hear you yelling,
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: they know they pick up on the tension and they
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: pick up on the vibe. And it's just really bad
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: for small people because they can't articulate. And they say, mommy,
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: are you all right? And you're like, I'm fine, which
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: is such a lie. And they know it's a lie,
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: but they can't question it. So she was much more
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: relaxed once the split was made because she knew where
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: she was. And there wasn't the whole, this is dad's rules,
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: this is mom's rules. There was just the no rules.
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: And this is how we do things.
• 18:12
  Speaker 5: So that was good.
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: And I really didn't, I didn't overthink it. My brain
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: was just the size of a peanut after all that.
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: I didn't overthink everything. It was just day to day.
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: Like you just get through and think, oh, that's a
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: week done. Excellent. It's the weekend. And you move on. And,
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: you know, I really, I think about it more afterwards.
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: But I didn't think about it much during.
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: What does it look like financially co-parenting? Is that what
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: you did or your daughter went 100% with you? Like
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: what did that look like up until she was 18?
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: She stayed mostly with me because her dad moved away.
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: So there was the occasional time where you had to
• 18:46
  Speaker 3: put a child on the plane, which is horrendous for everybody.
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: So you have to put a child on a plane
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: and send them to the person in the world that
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: you like the least. It's really hard to do, but
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: you have to do it. And then, well, she formed
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: her own opinions and she wasn't small or cute anymore
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: and the visits got further and further apart and she
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: just stayed with me.
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: I feel like kids pick that up very quickly, like
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: having friends who have gone through situations where their parents
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: have divorced. And when you're five, you go, that's mum
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: and that's dad. And sometimes I know you're saying that
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: kids pick things up. They absolutely do. I have a
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: two-and-a-half-year-old and he's like a little mind reader it's almost
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: like they know when to play up as well because
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: they know when they can grind your gears the most,
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: but they also pick up on your energy so much.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: But I don't think they know they're doing it.
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: No, they just do. Yeah.
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: By the time they're teenagers, they go, hold on, the
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: math's not mathing here and you're maybe not the person
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: that I thought you were. Is that something that, you know,
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: looking back on it now, you shaping that narrative? Were you,
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: you know, obviously this is the person that you like
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: the least in the entire world, but they're still the
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: father of your child. How do you have those conversations
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: with your kid?
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: Oh, I was really, really careful not to bag him ever.
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: I would just say nothing. I wasn't going to lie,
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: but I never bagged him because he did that about
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: me and she didn't like it. So I never bagged him.
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: And she had him up on a pedestal for a
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: long time because he was away. She didn't see the
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: nitty gritty day to day, like grumpy stuff. But once
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: she was about nine, the gloss wore off. So because
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: I didn't bag him, she didn't have to defend him.
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: And so... she could ask me because she was confused.
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: You know, she had to ask the question. So, well,
• 20:38
  Speaker 3: dad says this, but you've said this and what is
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: going on? So they do work out a lot from themselves.
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: But yeah, that was one thing I was really, really,
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: I found it difficult, but I didn't bag him.
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: Of course, of course. But I think that that's so
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: important because I think, you know, I've been saying a
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: lot recently in particular, look, the rotten fruit will fall
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: from the tree on its own. And like, I don't
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: need to push it. I don't need to, you know,
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: do anything other than wait. And that waiting period can
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: feel like forever because you go, my reputation's at risk or,
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: you know, I'm just, I would really love to come
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: in and defend myself and say, but they X, Y,
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: Z or whatever it is. But I think that by
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: not doing that, when people do make the realization that
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: maybe you're not the problem. They're so much more supportive.
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: They're like, hold on, hold on. V, you also didn't
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: say anything bad about this. And you just go, no,
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: of course not. And I think that that just adds
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: to your reputation and the relationship that you have with
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: your daughter. Like that's phenomenal and obviously paid off.
• 21:43
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah. And now he has no contact with her. Like
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: that's his choice, which is really sad. It's sad. It
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: is sad. But then what's his choice?
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: It's also his loss.
• 21:53
  Speaker 4: Definitely.
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: She's a great kid. Yeah.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: And like she has lost somebody who didn't see her
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: value and he has lost someone who could have very,
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: very easily loved him. Like I know who the loser
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: here is.
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: That's right.
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: Money Diarist, through all of this, was having an emergency
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: fund something that you established and cared about?
• 22:13
  Speaker 3: Oh, your emergency fund is so, so important. I would
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: have been sunk without it because it just, it gives
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: you an emotional backup as well as an actual real
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: money backup. But there is one thing I really like
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: to tell your community is if you're in a situation
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: like I was, where you are in a coercive control relationship,
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: Have your emergency fund in account that bears no interest
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: because your interest shows up on your tax return. And
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: if you are doing your tax with your partner, which
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: you probably are because he's a control freak, he will
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: know that you have that account. So if you have
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: it in your name, have it in a no interest account,
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: or if you have a trusted friend, which you probably
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: don't because you have a control freak partner, but if
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: you have a trusted friend, have your money in something
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: in their name because that's The whole point of an
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: emergency fund is it's there for emergencies and you need it.
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: That is something that, Money Dice, I have literally never
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: thought of and I am so glad you have shared
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: because I'm always telling people, you know, make money from
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: the money that your money has made. Like, you know,
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: always make money. And in this situation.
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: Oh, it's annoying. I want my money to be earning interest.
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: But in a financially coercive relationship, that could be an
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: indicator to them that they don't need to pay your
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: child support or they don't need to support you or
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: that you have access to funds that they want to
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: get access to. That is so important. Thank you so
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: much for that tip. My goodness. So fast forward, you
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: now have an adult child, which is probably crazy to say.
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: How does that feel going from like, oh, V, we're
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: talking about the times that I had toddlers down to
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: now having an adult. Does it feel like yesterday or
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: does it feel like forever ago?
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: Oh, it's weird. It's one of those time bending things.
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: It feels like five minutes ago, but really a very,
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: very long time ago. It's, yeah, I don't know how
• 24:07
  Speaker 3: you describe that. It is odd, but she's definitely an adult.
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: and living her own life, which is good. And she's
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: in a town three hours away, which is like the
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: nearest big town.
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that. So tell me, you now own
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: your own home. You have $ 150, 000 in shares, $ 520, 000 in super,
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: and you work for yourself. At what point did you go,
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: I'm going to go from a very secure, because like
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: working at the council, I would say it's a very
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: secure job. Like if you get in there, very unlikely
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: that you would have to leave unless you wanted, you know,
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: more career progression or to do something else. You went
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: from a very secure job at the council to having
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: your own business. How does that happen?
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: Oh, there's a lot of steps in between. Mostly office
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: politics is where I left. Yeah, done with the politics.
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: So we'll leave that one there. I'm sure everybody's had
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: an office politics story.
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: We can read between the lines. We know what that means.
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: We know what that means, money darris. Do we get it?
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so I left. And then I've had a bunch
• 25:06
  Speaker 3: of all sorts of jobs in between times along the
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: same lines. But now, like, I'm a subcontractor, I guess.
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: I just only have one employer at the moment. But
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: I could do others if I wanted to. But I
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: only work four days a week by my choice because
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: I'm I can.
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: That makes my heart so happy you've created this life.
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: For two years, I don't work Fridays. How good is that?
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: I love that. What are you doing with your Fridays?
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: There are not enough Fridays. I do so much stuff.
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: You do all your things so you can have a weekend.
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: So all the jobs get done on a Friday. I mean,
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: I do have to put some of my Fridays into
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: the money side of things. Like I have to send
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: my invoices and I have to keep an eye on
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: my investments. My investments with the interest and the dividends
• 25:47
  Speaker 3: and all the rest of it were 20% of my
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: income last year. So you have to put a bit
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: of work into that.
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but like give it another day. 10 years even.
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: And that's going to be phenomenal. That will be my income. Yeah.
• 26:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: And like just the trajectory you're on, like it's a
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: no brainer. Like you've already set yourself up so well
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: for that. So money diarist, if you own your own home,
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: you know, you're tracking along, you're investing both inside and
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: outside of superannuation. What are your big money goals? What
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: are you currently working towards?
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: My next big goal is to work at how to
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: get those investments to support me through retirement like the
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: next chapter i'm not planning on giving up work altogether
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: but just to as you ease back to let them
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: pick up what we just used to do so i
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: don't know all the rules about super how you can
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: put it in at the top and take it out
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: of the bottom so that's my next goal is to
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: learn how all that works.
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and have you thought about seeing a financial advisor
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: for that or is that something where you're like, I'm
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: just going to sort it out myself because I've clearly
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: done well so far?
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: Well, I like the research side of it, so I'll
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: probably do as much as I can by myself and
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: then I have a list of questions for them that
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: count when I see her next. It's early days yet.
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: I'm not ready to do that yet. And I'm not
• 26:59
  Speaker 3: old enough quite.
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: I was about to say, and like in the nicest
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: possible way, you are not old enough. Like you're 56.
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: Like yes, caring about retirement is so important, especially at
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: this stage because what you choose today is going to
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: have an impact in 10 years. But you can't, sorry,
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: you can't claim on your super yet. You look fit
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: and healthy. And I know you said you had not
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: such a great back, but that's stopping you from running,
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: not from retiring.
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: That's right. Yeah.
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: So tell me about these investments. Have you always cared
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: about your superannuation based on your age? Apologies. You've not
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: always worked during a period of time where superannuation has
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: been compulsory. So there was a time where you probably
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: didn't have any super and weren't contributing to it because
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: it only came in in 1992.
• 27:42
  Speaker 3: That's right. When I was 38, when all this whole
• 27:44
  Speaker 3: breakup thing kicked off, I had $ 25, 000 in super, which
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: is nothing. So I have made a concerted effort to
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: salary sacrifice and put the extra in. The tax incentive
• 27:56
  Speaker 3: that you have to put that $ 32, 000 in is huge.
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: If you could get 15% as a return on investments,
• 28:02
  Speaker 3: wouldn't you just do that every time? So recently, I've
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: made the most of that. Because I can, I have
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: got the money to put in. That's the thing. It's
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: the kicker. You have to have that cash. So instead
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: of putting it into an investment outside of super, I've
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: put a lot more into super, and it's doing really well.
• 28:19
  Speaker 3: The 15% is good on top, but the actual growth
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: of the super is good too. So I check it
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: once a month. So once a month I put in,
• 28:27
  Speaker 3: I see where everything's at. So how much I've got
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: in savings, how much I have in investments, how much
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: I have super, like the whole lot. So I have
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: a running toilet and of course a graph because it
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: all goes into a spreadsheet. I do love a good spreadsheet.
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: So my shares I check weekly on Fridays. I update
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: that spreadsheet and then monthly I do everything, the overview.
• 28:48
  Speaker 3: And we don't count the house because you have to
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: live in it. So that doesn't count.
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: I like that. We're on the same page about that.
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: Money Diaries, let's go to a quick break. And on
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: the flip side, I want to dive a little bit
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: further into your investments outside of superannuation. All right, Money Diaries,
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: we are back. And I want to talk about why
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: you said before, you clearly love super. I love super
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: as well. I think it is the closest thing to
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: a tax haven we have in Australia. Like it's a 15%
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: tax environment. For me, it's not where I put all
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: of my wealth. One, because there's caps, et cetera. But two,
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: because I want some financial freedom before then. You have
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: $ 150, 000 in shares outside of super. What's your motivator there?
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: Is it just investing or is it retirement before the
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: age of 65 or 67 now? What does that look like?
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: Oh, it's both. I invest because I enjoy it. I
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: have half my portfolio is in the Vanguard VSO, the
• 29:47
  Speaker 3: small caps, because I'm not a huge fan of the banks.
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: I don't love the banks. So half of it's in
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: VSO and then the rest is stocks that I've picked.
• 29:55
  Speaker 3: And I subscribe to one of the Once they look
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: at the financial integrity, it's the Lincolns, love the stock doctor.
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: So I use them, I read what I have to
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: say about them. I read their financial situation of the company.
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: And then I also use like, what have I read
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: in the paper? What have I, do I know people
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: who use these things? Like, so you use your personal
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: stories as well as just reading the financial background. And
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: I enjoy that. So I have a short list, and
• 30:26
  Speaker 3: I'll look at those, and I'll see how they're tracking,
• 30:28
  Speaker 3: and then I'll pick one. And I usually do this quarterly.
• 30:32
  Speaker 3: So I'll balance. So one quarter, I'll put some more
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: money into the ETF, and then the following quarter, I'll
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: buy a share. Because you have to pay the brokerage,
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: and I don't want to be doing it all the time.
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: But I also have a Sharesies with my– she's on
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: the money– $ 10. Love. And I put fund money into
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: that one. So every week, I have one– Like I
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: call it a latte because $ 7. 50 goes into Bitcoin. I
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: would never put real money into Bitcoin because to me
• 30:59
  Speaker 3: it's like the emperor's new clothes.
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: But I love that that's a latte. Like isn't it
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: diabolical that a latte now costs $ 7.
• 31:05
  Speaker 4: 50?
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: So once a week a latte goes into Bitcoin, she
• 31:08
  Speaker 3: shares these. And then I have another one called Schooner
• 31:10
  Speaker 3: where it goes into gold.
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: Schooner, I love this. I'm obsessed with you.
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: So that's sort of like for entertainment. And because it
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: happens weekly, you can see it. It's not a cost average,
• 31:22
  Speaker 3: but it's kind of a fun, like let's play money.
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: But it is adding up. There's over $ 1, 000 in there now.
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: That is so cool. And if we look at this,
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: when did you make your first investment in your share
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: portfolio outside of super?
• 31:35
  Speaker 3: Only 15 years ago.
• 31:36
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: And how did you begin? Were you like, I need
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: to be doing more for retirement or I'm just really
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: interested in investing? Because 150 grand is a lot of money,
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: but at the same time, that was pre there being
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: any information online, which is how most of our community
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: has begun their journey. And I know you have listened
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: to a lot of money diaries, but a lot of
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: people will say, oh, I found a podcast or I
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: found a YouTube or I found an Instagram or Was
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: yours books? Was it the Barefoot Investor?
• 32:07
  Speaker 3: It was a friend. Hey, I predate the Barefoot Investor.
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: I know that. But if you've been investing for 15 years,
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: his book's definitely been around for at least that.
• 32:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I used to, he had a Facebook group, the
• 32:18
  Speaker 3: Barefoot Investor. So I was part of that community in
• 32:20
  Speaker 3: the early days. I had a friend who invested. And
• 32:23
  Speaker 3: so I sort of talked about the actual practical how
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: you do it. And so it started from there. And
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: just one at a time, like I started off with
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: $ 1, 000 in, I think, five companies, and then build it up.
• 32:36
  Speaker 3: And then when I wanted to clear the mortgage, I
• 32:38
  Speaker 3: sold it back because on paper, I was debt neutral.
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: But in real life, it didn't feel like that. So
• 32:45
  Speaker 3: for me, having no mortgage and to owning a house,
• 32:50
  Speaker 3: it's security. And Because of my past, I need that,
• 32:54
  Speaker 3: so I like that security. Like, it's not going anywhere.
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: That's mine. We have somewhere to live always. Like, it's
• 33:01
  Speaker 3: the same money. It's just moved around. Psychologically, it made
• 33:04
  Speaker 3: a big difference. So the shares are up and down,
• 33:06
  Speaker 3: but the house– as people.
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: And I think that that's something that definitely comes from
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: the trauma of going through a divorce. But what's it
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: like going through a divorce, being so intertwined with somebody
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: in their family business, in their finances, going through this
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: like weird co-parent journey where they're so far away from
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: you to meeting somebody new? How do you manage money
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: with a new person after having had that experience? Definitely.
• 33:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we keep it separate. We have like, so for
• 33:38
  Speaker 3: everyday bills, they're split and then we just keep it separately.
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: Like because we're on the same page, it works for us.
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: It wouldn't work for everybody. But every week, my partner
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: puts money in for bills, rates, all those things. And
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: then when we go on holiday, we might use that
• 33:54
  Speaker 3: same joint money. And then all the big stuff, like...
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: The new bathroom, which costs a fortune. How much do
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: bathrooms cost, honestly?
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: Oh, it's actually terrifying, isn't it? You think maybe this
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: will be $ 10, 000 and then $ 35, 000 later. Bathrooms are so expensive.
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah. So I pay for those because that's sort
• 34:12
  Speaker 3: of like the houses in my name. So we're together,
• 34:15
  Speaker 3: but we're just financially so separate and that works for us.
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: You're very independent still, which I think is really powerful.
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: When you said, look, I really loved that I could
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: pay my house off and own it. I was like, oh,
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: I need to be a little bit inquisitive here because
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: it's a different story if you owned it with your partner.
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: So you're saying you own the house, you individually, not
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: with your partner of 16 years, like that's not it.
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: But it's all yours. So if something was to happen,
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: he would move out. So what's his financial situation looking like?
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: Does he have property or his own investments? Like, is
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: he tracking to a similar retirement to you?
• 34:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he's a little owner. He has investments and he
• 34:54
  Speaker 3: already lives from the income from his investments.
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: Oh, that's very sexy. I like that. You found a
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: financially independent man. You can stay there.
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: That's right.
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: That is very cool. So next thing I want to
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: know is I'm assuming you have no debt at all.
• 35:10
  Speaker 4: None.
• 35:10
  Speaker 3: And I have never had a car loan or any
• 35:13
  Speaker 3: personal loans because that's one that's the way I was
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: brought up. And like to me, debt is the enemy.
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: So no. So I have no debt.
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: I love that. And personal insurances, do you have them?
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: If so, what have you got?
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: When I had a mortgage, I had personal income insurance,
• 35:28
  Speaker 3: but now I don't need it. It sounds so good,
• 35:31
  Speaker 3: doesn't it? You have to take years to say that.
• 35:32
  Speaker 3: That's a flex.
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: I like that. I like that. You can brag about
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: that one.
• 35:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah. When I had a mortgage and a child support,
• 35:38
  Speaker 3: I had insurance, but now I don't because I don't
• 35:42
  Speaker 3: need it. My daughter can stand on her own two
• 35:44
  Speaker 3: feet and there's enough that if I was to die,
• 35:47
  Speaker 3: she'd inherit more than enough for herself. And I don't
• 35:50
  Speaker 3: need to insure an income because I could kind of
• 35:54
  Speaker 3: live without it if I really wanted to.
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: But that is so powerful and a really good reminder
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: because I think a lot of people, you go to
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: get insurance and especially if you're in our She's On
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: The Money community, right? Like you're being told to get
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: insurance at the point in time where life is arguably
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: the most expensive. Like maybe you've decided you're about to
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: have kids or you've had kids, you've probably got a
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: mortgage or you're thinking about a mortgage and you're During
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: that period of life, like for me right now, I
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: have the most expensive insurance that I know I'll have
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: in my entire life. Because if my life falls over
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: for some reason tomorrow, I have two kids, a mortgage,
• 36:31
  Speaker 2: a husband, all of these like responsibilities. Whereas Once I'm
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: in your situation at 56, I hope I don't need it. Like,
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: because I will have the roof over my head completely
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: paid off and I will have, you know, no school
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: fees and no big overarching expenses and enough sitting in
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: my super, but it also enough sitting in my investments
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: that I go, well, that's not necessary. And I think
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: a lot of people just assume, oh, this is forever.
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: Like this cost is so much, but it's actually not forever.
• 37:00
  Speaker 3: It's like... It's a phase. Yeah. It's when you're... I
• 37:04
  Speaker 3: call it the accumulation phase when you're earning as much
• 37:06
  Speaker 3: as you can, but you're also, your outgoings are as
• 37:09
  Speaker 3: high as they'll ever be. That's when you need insurance.
• 37:11
  Speaker 3: And that's when things happen. I think my story is
• 37:14
  Speaker 3: not so much about a relationship or a business. It's
• 37:18
  Speaker 3: like life happens and it happens to everybody. So you
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: can't set your life and think, oh, I'm just going
• 37:25
  Speaker 3: to follow this plan and everything's going to be peachy.
• 37:27
  Speaker 3: It just doesn't work like that. Life happens. And if
• 37:30
  Speaker 3: you're so busy or focused on the future, you miss
• 37:33
  Speaker 3: what's happening in the everyday. Like you don't want to
• 37:36
  Speaker 3: be working all those overtime hours to pay off the
• 37:38
  Speaker 3: house early because you need to take your kids to
• 37:41
  Speaker 3: dancing or soccer or whatever it is that they do.
• 37:44
  Speaker 3: It's very easy. And I've seen a lot of people
• 37:46
  Speaker 3: do all this extra time for the family, but then
• 37:50
  Speaker 3: they either lose their family because they were never there.
• 37:53
  Speaker 3: Or the family happens without them noticing. All of a sudden,
• 37:56
  Speaker 3: the kids don't want to talk to you because they're
• 37:57
  Speaker 3: grumpy teenagers.
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like it's a really important reminder to
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: enjoy the journey, not just plan for the destination.
• 38:05
  Speaker 3: Definitely. The journey is the most important thing. Because the destination,
• 38:09
  Speaker 3: you don't know where it is.
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: I want your mindset. I need to just cut and
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: paste that mindset into my brain because sometimes I just
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: feel like I'm in autopilot and I'm like, oh, all right,
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: I've got to get the kids to bed. I've got
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: to do this. I've got to do that. And I'm like,
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: hold on, hold on. Like, I need to appreciate this.
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I was there. I was there. And your children
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: only see you when you're grumpy. They see you in
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: the mornings. Come on, hurry up, hurry up, hurry up.
• 38:33
  Speaker 3: We've got to go to school. We've got to do this,
• 38:35
  Speaker 3: got to do that. Then you pick them up. It's like,
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: hurry up. We've got to go to, we've got to
• 38:38
  Speaker 3: do groceries. We've got to do this. Oh, get into bed.
• 38:40
  Speaker 3: You did it. Like it's, they only ever see you
• 38:42
  Speaker 3: when you're rushed and it's, that's not fair on them. No.
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: And it's also not the experience you want to have
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: as a whole, right? Like life's about balance. Money Diarist,
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: you're phenomenal. I'm obsessed. You obviously are an A, but
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: what do you think your best money habit is?
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: Knowing where every dollar goes. Oh my goodness, guys.
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: It's almost like that is what I want everyone to do.
• 39:05
  Speaker 3: You just need to know where it's gone. It doesn't
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: matter if you spend it on something fun or if
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: you spend it on something like insurance, but you need
• 39:13
  Speaker 3: to know where it goes.
• 39:14
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: And do you think that you've had your finger on
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: that pulse? ever since leaving your marriage? Or is that
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: something that you're like, oh, V, I had to learn that?
• 39:22
  Speaker 3: No, definitely. Things were so tight. So I was on
• 39:26
  Speaker 3: a single-payer pension. Things were really tight. I had to
• 39:31
  Speaker 3: because that was before afterpay. It was before I did
• 39:34
  Speaker 3: have a credit card, but God, I hate using that
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: because that whole debt is the enemy thing was so
• 39:39
  Speaker 3: deeply ingrained. And thank God, as good as it was,
• 39:41
  Speaker 3: because personal loans would have killed me if I could
• 39:43
  Speaker 3: have got one. So, yeah, knowing where your money goes.
• 39:47
  Speaker 3: It's sort of, to me, it's better than knowing where
• 39:50
  Speaker 3: it's going to go because it's already happened and you
• 39:53
  Speaker 3: can see in fact for real life where it's gone.
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: And do you have a bad money habit? What's your
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: worst money habit?
• 40:00
  Speaker 3: I'm so tight. I hardly ever... I don't spend enough.
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: I love that though.
• 40:05
  Speaker 3: Come on. No, I overthink spending. I will. If we
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: plan a holiday, we'll plan it and I will spend money.
• 40:12
  Speaker 3: But yeah, I'm really taught.
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: And now that we've had a really great chat today,
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: would you change your grade or would you say you've
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: always been an A? Obviously, you had to become quite
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: conscious of your spending and quite conscious of every dollar
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: because If you're on a single parent pension, like you
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: are cutting it fine. Like some weeks I'm assuming you
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: probably couldn't have put new groceries on the table and
• 40:37
  Speaker 2: had to just go through what you had and make
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: it work.
• 40:40
  Speaker 3: Oh, definitely, definitely. Now, I haven't always been in an A.
• 40:44
  Speaker 3: That's something that you learn through painful processes. But when
• 40:49
  Speaker 3: there isn't very much, it's a lot easier to keep
• 40:51
  Speaker 3: track of. When you've got lots of money coming in
• 40:53
  Speaker 3: and lots of money going out, it's harder to see
• 40:56
  Speaker 3: where it all goes. Whereas when the flow is narrow,
• 40:58
  Speaker 3: you can see it. And you really feel like five
• 41:01
  Speaker 3: bucks is a huge difference when things are really tight.
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: And do you think that being able to manage that
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: $ 5 is why you can now manage more than $ 500, 000
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: of it confidently?
• 41:11
  Speaker 3: Definitely. Definitely. They're just zeroes. But the principles are the same,
• 41:15
  Speaker 3: whether it's $ 5 or $ 500, 000, definitely.
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: I love that. I love that you have your latte fund.
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: I love that it's $ 7.
• 41:21
  Speaker 5: 50.
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: I love that you've got your schooner fund. I love
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: that you had the guts to leave a marriage that
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: wasn't serving you that I think would have been a
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: lot harder to leave than a lot of other marriages.
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: Small towns, you know. family businesses. There were so many
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: other layers to that. And then to find your life partner,
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: I don't know if you noticed, but I noticed the
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: way your face lit up when you first mentioned them.
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh, have you repartnered? You were just like, yes.
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: And I was like, oh my goodness. I hope I
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: feel like that over my husband after 16 years. That
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: is honestly the sweetest thing ever. And you have this
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: gorgeous daughter who I am absolutely certain is so so
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: proud of you and you've just achieved so much and
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: you're working four days a week like my friend you
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: are living the dream oh I.
• 42:08
  Speaker 3: Am I am and I like when we're near my
• 42:10
  Speaker 3: it's only a little house but.
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: I love it you don't need a big house though
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: like I think that there's just this misconception that like
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: more is better oh it's so.
• 42:19
  Speaker 3: Wrong the bigger the house, the more stuff you have
• 42:22
  Speaker 3: to buy to put in it. So it's just a fallacy.
• 42:24
  Speaker 3: It really is.
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: It is. Money Dice, I have had the best time
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: talking to you. Like I just, I have had the
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: best time genuinely. I just feel so grateful to have
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: been able to share this story, but then also have
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: someone on the podcast who was in their 50s and thriving.
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: Like it's such an opportunity that is not often afforded
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: to me because I can only showcase the diarists that
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: reach out. So I'm hoping that this has inspired a
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: few more people from your demographic to reach out because it's,
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: inspiring for your generation. Like people your age listening are
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: going to go, wow, cool. She's absolutely killing it. But
• 43:02
  Speaker 2: then people my age are going, wow, that's so inspiring.
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: Like I just, there's so much benefit. And I'm so
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: grateful that after a year you decided to pull the
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: trigger and come on the show.
• 43:12
  Speaker 3: I think it's really important. Like I would like to
• 43:15
  Speaker 3: help more people, like just by talking to them or
• 43:17
  Speaker 3: just saying, you can do this. You've got this because
• 43:21
  Speaker 3: when you're in the guts of it, you think, oh gosh,
• 43:23
  Speaker 3: that $ 10, it makes no difference. I'll just go and
• 43:25
  Speaker 3: buy a bottle of wine or whatever it is. But
• 43:28
  Speaker 3: don't buy the extra wine. Just buy the wine that
• 43:30
  Speaker 3: you normally buy because it does matter. But it's such
• 43:35
  Speaker 3: delayed gratification. It takes decades, not years. And you don't
• 43:39
  Speaker 3: see that in the moment, but that's what it is.
• 43:42
  Speaker 3: It's just that slow and steady, like If you're really
• 43:45
  Speaker 3: feeling it, don't get the takeaway coffee. Make it at home.
• 43:48
  Speaker 3: It is those little things. They really do matter. They do.
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: Well, those little things have meant that now you're working
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: four days a week and you're probably able to in
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: the next few years drop to three if you wanted to.
• 44:02
  Speaker 3: Next year, hopefully.
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah exactly and you're in control of your narrative like
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: and you're in control of planning a retirement that honestly
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: is gonna take up probably half of your life like
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: 56 right now you're probably going wow but you're so
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: young there's so much ahead of you that now you've
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: put the foundational work in that you're.
• 44:24
  Speaker 3: Gonna really enjoy that's right and like The women in
• 44:28
  Speaker 3: our family last for a very long time. So I'm
• 44:30
  Speaker 3: planning on 90 at least.
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: Same as mine. Same as mine. Like my retirement is
• 44:36
  Speaker 2: going to be expensive because why are you all living
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: close to 100?
• 44:39
  Speaker 3: That's right. All over.
• 44:41
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 44:41
  Speaker 3: They go forever. But just, I mean, it's nice.
• 44:44
  Speaker 2: Stubborn women.
• 44:45
  Speaker 3: We love them. And you have to, like when you retire,
• 44:49
  Speaker 3: you have to have something to do. You have to
• 44:51
  Speaker 3: have things to think about. You have to, like you
• 44:53
  Speaker 3: can only do so many crosswords and so do goes.
• 44:56
  Speaker 3: You've got to have... like a volunteer already, but you
• 44:59
  Speaker 3: need to have something in your life to replace what
• 45:02
  Speaker 3: you get from work because working is not just about money.
• 45:04
  Speaker 3: Working is about that stimulation. It's about the contact, like
• 45:08
  Speaker 3: the banter, the chit-chat that you have as well. If
• 45:12
  Speaker 3: you just stop work, what are you going to replace
• 45:14
  Speaker 3: that with?
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: So true. It is so true and such a good reminder,
• 45:19
  Speaker 2: Marnie D'Arresto. I am so grateful to have run into you.
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: I feel like our paths have crossed and I hope
• 45:24
  Speaker 2: they get to in person at some point. It has
• 45:27
  Speaker 2: been an absolute pleasure having you on and getting to
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: share your story and your journey. And I just know
• 45:32
  Speaker 2: that the community is going to have loved this as
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: much as I did. So thank you.
• 45:37
  Speaker 3: Thank you. It's been fun.
• 45:44
  Speaker 5: The advice shared on She's on the Money is general
• 45:46
  Speaker 5: in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's
• 45:50
  Speaker 5: on the Money exists purely for educational purposes and should
• 45:53
  Speaker 5: not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision.
• 45:57
  Speaker 5: If you do choose to buy a financial product, read
• 45:59
  Speaker 5: the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial.
• 46:02
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• 46:05
  Speaker 5: Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives
• 46:09
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