Latest / The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten / Does Drinking "Not Really" Impact You?

Transcript

Does Drinking "Not Really" Impact You? · The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten

• 0:05
  Hi everybody, and welcome to the dr.
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  Psych mom show, today, I'm going to be talking about all the
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  people that drink like everyday or nearly every day and say that
• 0:13
  it really just doesn't impact them.
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  It's just cool way to relax and, you know, really no downside at
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  all like. Yeah, right.
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  So we'll talk about that today. And before we do, please do
• 0:24
  subscribe, my most recent out of my 90 subscriber episodes.
• 0:28
  As should everyone go to therapy and despite what my job is.
• 0:32
  I do not think so, but you will listen and learn and benefit
• 0:35
  greatly from knowing whether you fit into one of my categories of
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  people that should, which isn't just everybody again.
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  So, and certainly not every child.
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  And I talked about that too and children, adults couples,
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  whatever. So anyway, does drinking, just
• 0:50
  not really impact you are. You as healthy as you could be?
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  Despite having one or two drinks every night and of course, more
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  on the weekends know, like stop. Get out of, like, get out of
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  that delusion. Because like seriously, have you
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  ever tried to stop drinking? Robots and felt like 10,000
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  zillion times better but the somebody had like a party or
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  like there was an event or like whatever.
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  And you just start it again. I mean, every single person
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  that's stops drinking feels better.
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  Why alcohol is a depressant particularly after about your
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  30s? You know, you're fucking
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  depressed enough. Like, let's be real.
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  You don't like life is tough, you got children, you gotta keep
• 1:33
  a game face on for them. M, you're probably having some
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  level of marital issues. If you're listening to my
• 1:38
  podcast you probably grew up in a dysfunctional home if you're
• 1:41
  listening to my podcast. Shit is hard.
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  Do you really need to make sure it harder for yourself.
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  It is literally a depressant to your system as well as calories
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  for no reason and you feel hungover in the morning.
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  I don't care. I don't care what you say.
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  That one drink doesn't make you feel hungover.
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  Try not try not drinking for one to two weeks.
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  And why don't you see how much clearer you feel?
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  Because literally everybody that tries to It says that they do
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  now. Even if you don't give a shit
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  about like your health or your job or your functioning at your
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  job, or your parenting, or being like overweight because alcohol
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  can lead to that, or any of those things.
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  What do you care about? If you're listening to the
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  doctor psych bomb show, I'm you do care about your parenting.
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  So, I mean, that's a, that's a bigger fish to fry, but
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  everybody who's listening cares about their relationship and
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  your relationship really does not benefit.
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  And in fact is Massively frequently, very significantly
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  hurt by drinking, especially the kind of drinking that I'm
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  talking about where it's not like every so often we drink
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  where its nightly drinking with more on the weekends and don't
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  get on your high horse. If it's just nightly drinking,
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  without more on the weekends, it's still nightly drinking.
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  So it's relevant to you. So what happens the couple's?
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  Well, it depends whether they are more conflict avoidant and
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  not in a good way. Not like just happy but like
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  update. Whether they sweep conflict
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  under the rug or whether they are Fighters, you know, and they
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  argue a lot, they argue a lot. Well, let's just take one little
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  guess about when they come in couples counseling.
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  People be like, oh, I had terrible fight on Friday and I
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  just don't want to be like, total like, you know, bitch.
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  So I'm just not like, oh, cause y'all drank like sometimes I
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  will, if we know that that's like, even like an issue, I'll
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  be like, oh, did you drink? They'll be like yeah, invariably
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  they'll say, yeah, you know, if they drink then the drinking
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  makes the fight worse. You know?
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  Like Like and then couples I haven't even thought about this.
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  It's like they got to come in a few times and like they had like
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  pretty good wig or an alright week or something and then this
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  is my favorite line, they'll be like yeah it was because we
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  drank but you know what the issues were there anyway you
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  know what, like let me tell you the issues are going to be there
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  anyway. Like, you know, there is never a
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  couple that goes to couples counseling.
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  They're like, oh my God, we resolved every single issue.
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  Not only all the past ones, but all the future ones we are just
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  like, literally never going to have an issue anymore.
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  Did I check back in five years and they're like, yep, damn
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  straight didn't have a single issue.
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  Of course, you're going to have issues.
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  You're two people, right? That have individual lives and
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  preferences and wants and desires, and stressors and
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  backgrounds and you're going to have issues.
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  So it's like it counts that you drink.
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  You're drinking likely made that fight happen when it wasn't
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  gonna happen and it isn't better.
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  Nobody's ever like man, we feel so So much better after we had
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  that drunken fight. We were both on our a game.
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  We were super logical. We were very empathic.
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  We really finally heard each other for the first time, no way
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  people end up seeing crazy shit like, you know, and then he
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  threatened to leave that. I threatened to leave.
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  That we thought that we were heard the kids wake up, but that
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  we convinced ourselves, we didn't because I would be to
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  shame inducing. And then, you know, I took his
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  phone, then he took my phone and then I told him that, you know,
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  he was an asshole. He told me I was an asshole.
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  Like what? Y'all are paying for couples?
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  Counseling come in, have the damn session.
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  You know, when you're both sober, I would never do a
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  couples counseling session when people were drunk because they
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  can't think straight. So, how can you tell yourself
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  that any fight that you have on? Your drinking is anything except
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  making the relationship a thousand times worse?
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  You're both ashamed afterwards. Then you're hungover the next
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  day, likely or to be irritable and get into another fight even
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  if you're not totally hung over because, you know, you only have
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  had only and quotes had one or two drinks, you're still fuzzy
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  and your irritability is going to be up in.
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  Your bandwidth is going to be down.
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  I'm telling you, like, 30% of marital issues.
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  I bet could be solved by just the people stopping drinking or
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  stopping drinking, except when they go on there, every other
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  week date night or something, they have two glasses of wine,
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  right? Women should not drink basically
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  in the second half of their cycle.
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  If they have marital conflict or possibly at all but, you know,
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  definitely not because Makes you more depressed if you are
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  drinking the day before your period.
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  Holy shit. You are going to be in 1000
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  times worse of a mood and I give you 100% that you're going to
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  have a fight with your husband. And if a guy has any anger
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  problems and he's drinking. No, no, it doesn't help you
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  relax. It makes you more reactive.
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  It makes you quicker, trigger. Unless you drink to the point
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  that you pass out and then what kind of life are you living?
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  And obviously, what kind of example are you setting to your
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  Ian, the parenting is another issue.
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  There's a lot of people who barely ever interact with their
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  kids fully sober. Because by the time, the kids
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  come home from school and after Karen all that, it's basically
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  an hour or two until you have your nightly glass of wine if
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  that, if that, so then you're not really fully present, you
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  don't fully know what's going on.
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  Now, some people will say, you know, but I can't relax without
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  the alcohol. Well, does that sound good?
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  Does that sound good? Does that sound like something
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  to ignore? Not to me.
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  No. That sounds like a real light
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  like a substance. Use problem waiting to happen
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  and I will bet anything that drinking quote to relax was
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  normalized in your family of origin, but that you deeply wish
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  that your parents hadn't been half drunk all the time.
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  You know, if you've allowed yourself to think about it at
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  all, so when you say to yourself, I cannot relax without
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  alcohol, that is a wonderful reason to get into therapy and
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  figure out, alternate coping strategies, it would honestly
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  even be better to be on something like, you know,
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  Antidepressant where you have like the same kind of dose
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  everyday. And it's not a depressant
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  because alcohol is a depressant. So it's short-term anxiety
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  reduction, long-term the anxiety and depression gets worse.
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  So, we'll be better if you're really somebody that needs some
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  sort of biological help with anxiety, you know, probably you
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  talk to a provider, certainly, but an antidepressant would be
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  smarter in most cases. All cases, I'd say, you know,
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  then night, Lead dependent drinking dependent because you
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  cannot regulate your mood without it.
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  And you're also of course, teaching your children that
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  alcoholism mood regulator and that is a terrible lesson and
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  you have no idea the genetic predisposition of your children
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  toward addiction. And so it is always better for
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  them to see drinking as something mommy.
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  And daddy do, sometimes because they're grown-ups, then
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  literally, as soon as we walk in the door, it is extremely tense.
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  Until Daddy makes a drink. Ink.
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  Then when he sits down after about a half an hour, I can come
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  play with him and then an hour after that.
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  I really don't try to know anything about where daddy is
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  because he can be volatile and that is the life of a lot of
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  kids. And if you're an adult child of
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  an alcoholic, you know that. So when a parent uses
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  substances, it is never the same all the time.
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  And if it is it's not a good same all the time.
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  So even the people that are kind of quiet when they're drinking,
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  they're not fully there and their kids know that So it's
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  really something to think about, you know, and it the more
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  uncomfortable or offended you get by the idea that your
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  nightly drink or two, could be bad, the more you should
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  interrogate it. Because if you, there was a pill
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  that you, if you had to take valium every day, you would
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  probably say, man, I gotta get in control of my life.
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  Something's wrong? Something is wrong with how?
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  I'm coping. Something is wrong with the
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  setup of my life? Something is making me.
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  So, So, anxious that I have to take this pharmaceutical in
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  order to calm down. This is not a sustainable
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  situation but just because, like, wine sounds, you know,
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  Gourmet and it's not a pharmaceutical, doesn't mean
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  it's not a pharmaceutical, you know?
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  I mean it's the same kind of thing, so you're taking a
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  substance to make you feel different and to be less present
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  in the world that you're in. This sounds to me like a
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  wonderful reason to go to therapy.
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  To figure out how to fully be. And it's really no different
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  when now that marijuana has been legalized.
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  If you have to smoke every day, you know, or or anything else,
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  where you feel like you have to at the very least.
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  I've course I know there's medical marijuana, certainly
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  helps some people with anxiety Etc, at the very least be
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  talking to a doctor, you know, because I have seen the case
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  where people start having an edible or something regularly
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  for anxiety and it goes up and up and up.
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  And you know, that's It's not good, that's really not good.
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  And the, the benefit of pharmaceuticals, which, you
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  know, like psychotropics, like, like ssris.
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  Although they certainly have many downsides, including side
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  effects. The benefit is that like your
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  doctor doesn't say, hey, you know what?
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  Just like take as many as you need love, you're having a bad
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  day. Just have like seven Zoloft, you
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  know, capsules that's cool. But people tend to do that more
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  with things like Edibles or drinks or anything like that.
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  So you're really kind of not in control.
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  And then for many people, they wake up in a year and they're
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  like, oh my God, how did I get to be somebody who has basically
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  three, drinks a night every night.
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  How did that happen? Just last year, I remember, I
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  had dry January or whatever. Well, should it's next January.
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  And I'm somebody who has three glasses of wine a night, relax,
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  and that's kind of not what I want to show my kids.
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  I am really. I have a temper after a certain
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  point, I am fuzzy. I kind of don't remember what I
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  do. Do really well after 7:00.
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  I'm a little anxious to answer work emails if they come in a
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  little anxious to answer text. I kind of, you know, I don't
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  feel like myself and I passed out quickly at night.
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  Don't get to hang out with my spouse fall asleep, in my kids
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  bed, whatever the case may be, because I'm not fully there.
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  And of course, goes without saying that exercise and other
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  health initiatives. Generally, you know, don't
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  happen as much when somebody is drinking a lot or drinking
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  regularly. Constantly because again you
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  wake up in your fuzzy and that's a real thing in a real effect of
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  drinking. So anyway, if this spoke to you
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  it would be definitely something to bring up with a spouse.
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  You know. Like do you think that I drink
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  too much and they may say something that surprises you or
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  a lot of times honestly they'll say well yeah but you know I
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  still want a drink. Well what does that mean?
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  I mean that's kind of more common than you would think and
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  what it means is hell yeah you do but I self-regulate without
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  Alcohol. And I certainly do not want to
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  examine my own behavior. So allowing you to be basically
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  kind of, you know, drunk every night is allowing me to do the
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  same. And possibly even I drink a
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  little less than you, so makes me feel better than my about
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  myself. Of course, they're not
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  articulating. Any of this?
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  I'm just describing how it goes. And this is why couples
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  frequently get stressed when one stops drinking.
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  But that doesn't mean couples. Also get stressed when one
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  person stops being depressed. You know, this doesn't mean that
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  you should stop working on yourself, because it's, This is
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  the relationship. It means that you need to
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  interrogate the relationship more because any Dynamic change
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  is going to stress. It and long-term, it will be a
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  net positive for either person to improve in any mental or
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  physical health domain. But the other person needs some
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  catch-up time because frequently one person's change.
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  Makes the other person look at themselves and they do not love
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  what they see and maybe then they realize they drink too much
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  or in the case of depression, they realize that they're pretty
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  depressed. And the other guy was just, you
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  know, like if your husband's depressed and he's running
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  around being angry and yelling, then you could be kind of
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  quietly depressed as a woman and feel like you're all right, you
• 13:44
  know, least you don't yell at the kids.
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  But if you're somebody, who's really uncomfortable thinking
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  that, you're depressed, if he treats his depression, and then
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  he's kind of like a laid-back more laid back guy, you look at
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  yourself, you're like bullshit. Now, I'm the not fun parent
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  because I'm depressed, but I kind of don't want to think that
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  I'm depressed and it's like this whole thing you as I Frequently,
• 14:05
  recommend movies and stuff, the movie.
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  When a Man Loves a Woman, is a great movie about how one person
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  stopping drinking can really stress a relationship and it's
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  the same, you could generalize from that to have one person,
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  engaging in any healthier, Behavior can really stress the
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  relationship too. So, hopefully, this was useful
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  substance. Use issues are very prevalent
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  and undiagnosed ones, the ones that are below the clinical
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  level for like you know, an abuse disorder.
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  Or a dependence disorder, are obviously more frequent.
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  And if you are in therapy or in couples counseling, you should
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  definitely bring up. How much you guys use substances
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  because frequently it just overlaps with the huge fights or
• 14:47
  the huge feelings of Disconnect and people don't want to
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  interrogate the substance use. So then they love, they let it
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  go and they kind of almost tacitly agree with one another
• 14:57
  not to bring up all the drinking and stuff because they don't
• 15:01
  want to be forced to change it, but the couples that do.
• 15:04
  You bring it up and work on it, it's super admirable and they
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  are like a thing, a thousand times better place than couples,
• 15:12
  who shove it under the rug. And I've seen this over and over
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  in my practice. Alright, I hope you guys have a
• 15:17
  great day. Please do subscribe.
• 15:19
  And follow me on all social media, even Tick-Tock I'll talk
• 15:22
  to you soon.