Latest / The Relentless Pursuit of Winning Podcast / Starting Over After 40: How a Couple Rebuilt Health, Marriage, and Purpose | Jake & Kylie Rieke

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Starting Over After 40: How a Couple Rebuilt Health, Marriage, and Purpose | Jake & Kylie Rieke · The Relentless Pursuit of Winning Podcast

• 0:00
  If you're stuck in this place where you're not accepting where you are who you are, you're gonna end up shooting yourself in your foot.
• 0:06
  We are in our early 40s have left our
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  careers our home everything behind and we are starting from scratch.
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  We were part of a family farm.
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  doing everything we thought would make us successful and happy.
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  And we were miserable.
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  We started to use unhealthy coping mechanisms,
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  It just brought us further and further down into depression, anxiety, and a crumbling marriage.
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  My motto is follow the white rabbit.
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  Live the life that you actually want to live.
• 0:55
  Hey folks, welcome to another episode of the Relentless Pursuit of Winning Podcast.
• 0:59
  My name is Rick Meekins.
• 1:00
  I am your host today, and in our studio we have Kylie and Jake Rieke.
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  How are you guys today?
• 1:05
  I'm good.
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  How are you?
• 1:06
  Doing very good.
• 1:07
  Fantastic, fantastic.
• 1:08
  I am fantastic as well.
• 1:09
  Folks, and welcome again.
• 1:11
  If you haven't done it, I would be grateful if you'd like, subscribe, hit the bell so you get updates every time we drop a new episode.
• 1:17
  So without further ado, let's get to it.
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  So Jake and Kylie, you guys are down in Costa Rica hanging out.
• 1:22
  Our audience would love to know a little bit about who you are, what you do, and why you do what you do.
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  Kylie, you want to kick this off for us?
• 1:28
  Sure.
• 1:28
  Yes.
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  Thank you for having us.
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  my name is Kylie and my husband Jake, we've been together for over 20 years.
• 1:36
  we we are currently rebuilding our lives.
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  We are in our early 40s and we have left our
• 1:43
  careers and our home and our friends and everything behind and we are starting from scratch.
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  So it's a very scary time, a very growth-minded time, and there are some some days that are very hard and some days that are very fun.
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  Right now I'm working on building my yoga career, so I'm I have classes in person here in Costa Rica and I also offer classes online and YouTube.
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  we wrote a book along the way of our journey.
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  So we have everything sort of like documented, but also with all the steps that we took to get here so that it can hopefully help other people in their journey too.
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  I am also working on developing some wellness retreats and life coaching.
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  So uh and Jake has a slightly different path.
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  Yeah.
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  So I don't know, about a few months ago, I really just had to take my own advice and and follow what was what passion was was bubbling up for me.
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  uh And something that just kept reoccurring for me here in Costa Rica was my passion for specialty coffee and coffee and in and the entire world.
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  Or the world of coffee is what I mean by that.
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  But but really so about three, four months ago I partnered I with a local resident here in Costa Rica, a Costa Rican who who works in coffee roasting and and we are developing some
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  coffee experiences together.
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  A tour of a farm, a tour of his roastery, and then a tasting at his roastery, and I'm also developing my own coffee brand.
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  and
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  And coffee tasting experiences.
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  So I really have found this passion for introducing really good coffee to people.
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  And I also love making love making coffee drinks for for people as well.
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  So that's my pivot.
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  So and yeah.
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  You know, w we we skipped over the main part though.
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  I mean, you guys started out, you know, in a in in in a ranch, I believe, in in Minnesota, and you guys have a story about that.
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  Do you want to share that with our audience too?
• 3:38
  Just so we can get so they can get some some of the juicy background and just see what what that pivot, you know, really looked like.
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  I mean, it's it's you know, a lot of people talk about corporate careers and, you know, doing something different or, you know, whatever that is.
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  But I mean you you guys had a legacy business.
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  that you walked away from and decided to do something different.
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  So can you go into a little detail about that?
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  Yeah, absolutely.
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  So and that's also why why we do what we do now.
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  So like our past really has has brought us here.
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  We were part of a a family farm.
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  we were the fifth generation.
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  we were we had we put about a decade of our lives into this into this family business.
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  And
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  We hit our early forties or a little b a little before forty, realized that we were doing everything we were supposed to do.
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  We were doing everything we thought would make us successful and happy.
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  And we were miserable.
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  And it was taking a toll on our health and our relationship.
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  And our careers really were not going anywhere.
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  We were pretty much laborers.
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  Mm-hmm.
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  And we looked at ourselves in the mirror and we did not like the people that we'd become.
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  we let those roles of being a farmer and a farmer's wife just completely consume us, and it did.
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  It did not align with the people that we were meant to be, it did not align with our dreams or our values, or really really the the direction that that we really wanted to go,
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  and so
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  Instead of being happy, We started to use unhealthy coping mechanisms, um drinking alcohol, eating a lot of junk food.
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  shopping, scrolling, like all all the things just to numb numb the pain because we're, you know, we were living a life that you know, it it was privileged.
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  So we were supposed to be happy.
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  And so it was it was so much guilt that we had the things and we weren't happy.
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  And so we were we were just trying to figure out what to do with ourselves and
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  It just brought us further and further down into depression, anxiety, and a crumbling marriage.
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  And so it really it really brought us to that midlife crisis.
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  So
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  you guys you so so you guys decided to, you know, pivot, you guys I guess worked together, talked together, you know, identified, you know, what was going on.
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  You know, what what was that process that led you to the point where you're finally like, Hey, you know what, we're we're gonna do this differently.
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  What what what did that look like for you?
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  I think the the seed for me probably was planted I would say about five years or maybe three to five years before we actually ultimately came up and said we need to make a
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  change.
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  I think the seed started early.
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  I feel like I there was this flash of insight where you could you could just see the direction that things were going.
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  Um you could kind of sense the marriage falling apart, you could sense the relationship like drifting apart.
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  you could sense just the tension that was always there.
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  Um, and I think that was probably the initial planting of like, okay, and and yeah, at some point I think you know, both of us really needed to wake up and and me in particular
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  too, just and ask myself, what do I want?
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  what do I want out of this?
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  out of this relationship, out of this out of this this life, out of this existence that we're currently in.
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  Um and I think in getting super clear on that question, it really opened up our perspectives more to to the route that we needed to take.
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  And and and for me it was number one, it was getting healthy, it was exercising, it was you know
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  backing off on the alcohol, on the screens, on the being you know, for me it was being more present with the family.
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  Um and those types of things that were just really lacking in our in our lives back then.
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  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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  It sounds like I mean you you you speak you each speak about it like in in the independently, but it sounds like you guys must have like a very powerful, you know,
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  method of communication and you know, being able to, you know, have the tough conversations.
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  I mean, you guys walk away from you know, ten million dollar farm, you know, you guys are doing, you know, financially just fine.
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  You know, you can make choices, you can do the things that you want to do.
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  this sounds like a tough
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  conversation to have.
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  How did you guys navigate that you know safely?
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  You know, how did how did you do it in a way that was, you know, productive, that led you to the point where it's just like, hey, we are gonna do this thing together, regardless
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  of, you know, whatever else happens.
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  Forgive me if I put words in your mouth.
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  And honestly, there there were times that it wasn't a safe conversation.
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  Like we had to we had to grow through that and learn how how to have a better relationship and how to have those conversations.
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  there was a time when it got to a point where we slept in separate bedrooms for a little while because we just it we were we were growing apart.
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  that much and I mean it it wasn't very long like it that was kind of the breaking point of our relationship like our is this are we gonna continue in this direction or are we gonna
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  come back together and so I think we also were just able to to talk it out
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  Luckily, actually Jake has some background in in psychology and sociology.
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  and and we both I don't know, we're just able to be calm, I think.
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  Mm-hmm.
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  situations.
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  Yeah, and I would echo that.
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  I mean, I think for me it it really boiled down to f the zooming in and taking things frame by frame, like step by step.
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  I think what happens when people are going through difficult times or whatever it is, they extrapolate out and try to like, you know, the it it it becomes
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  like you imagine the worst case scenario always and and and so that's when the when the overwhelm really becomes to be too much is when you're when you're like well this mean
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  then that means this then that means this and this and then you're you're extrapolating seventeen steps down the the the road when in reality you just need to be zooming in on
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  that day, that moment that hour that second whatever it is in order to like
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  Calm down, not react in such an explosive manner and and really just you know get through that next moment.
• 9:49
  Yeah, yeah, that's that's a tough one.
• 9:51
  That's a tough one.
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  I know I know I've certainly guilty of thinking, you know, twenty or thirty steps ahead and you know, as you said, you know, this means that, you know, that look, that
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  expression, that, you know, what whatever it is, and it's always more complex, you know, than than I can realize at at that moment.
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  So you guys came together and you made a decision.
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  You said, Hey, we're going to now did you move directly to to Costa Rica or or did you guys do something in in the interim?
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  Are you you were do you said you wanna do work for Midwestern folks?
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  we well we ended up moving to a nearby town for about a year.
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  Uh because it took so much time to to help wrap up the the company.
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  like so Jake was even though we didn't have the the physical farm, the business itself was still needed to cl and so
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  we lived near to just wrap up our lives.
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  After 40 years there was a lot to lot to figure out.
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  So we actually moved into an apartment and downsized.
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  So that helped our moving situation too for relocating to a new country.
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  Was this s a single family farm or were there other f other folks involved?
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  There wa it was there was six owners in the farm, so it was myself and my wife, Kylie, my parents and my aunt and uncle were all involved in the business.
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  And largely it it boiled down to a disagreement as to you know how best to transition that farm to the next to the next generation, to the next owners.
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  and it was you know the the business
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  was wrapped up into a C corporation which made it all very complicated and very difficult to uh to figure out how to how to to go through that transition.
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  so that it was I mean it was both by choice but also not by choice that we that we found our found ourselves in this position where we finally just had to let go of uh of our past
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  lives and
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  But it really took a lot of, you know, for for us it took a lot of courage, it took a lot of foresight and a lot of thought and and a lot of struggle to to get through that whole
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  transition for sure.
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  How how did how did you you know, thinking from a hey, I have to survive, put food on my table, or you know, et cetera, et cetera, what what was the what was that process?
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  I mean, you didn't obviously you didn't just drop things and or maybe you did, but obviously ideally you didn't just drop things and say, Okay, let's figure this out.
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  You know, what what was that what was that planning process looking like?
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  And then, you know, actually going from planning to, okay, we're we're doing this thing, we're we're taking the next step and then
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  You know, did you plan Costa Rica at the same time or was, you know, moving to the other town more transitional?
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  Moving to the other town was definitely more transitional, but like the reality is is we were just found ourselves at a fork in a road in our lives and we're like, all right, well
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  what do we want?
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  our lives to look like.
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  What do we, you know, and and you know, we ran through all these different scenarios in our mind, like, we could, you know, go go live here for a long time and then or we could
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  go, you know, we could go to Nashville was one of the places that we were kind of drawn to, or or Boulder, Colorado, you know, like all these interesting places.
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  and and then, you know, maybe someday we could consider, you know, life in Costa Rica.
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  And and that's when you know we it just kinda dawned on us like wait a second now that there's really nothing that's preventing us from from taking our lives to Costa Rica right
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  now.
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  and so that that was basically the seed of that idea.
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  Um but but no, I mean I think for me, like when we were going through those hard times of of trying to figure out how to transition
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  from our old lives to our no new lives, it really did boil down to like day by day, hour by hour, frame by frame.
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  and like, okay, this is what's on my plate right now.
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  This is the most high priority item.
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  This is what you know, and just taking things step by step and not catastrophizing in a way that like that is debilitating, if that makes sense.
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  Mm-hmm.
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  that does make sense.
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  That does make sense.
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  At what point did you you you had mentioned earlier that you wrote a book.
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  Did were you journaling this process along the way with the anticipation of writing the book or how did how did that come about?
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  What was the what was the thinking behind that?
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  No, we were literally writing the book, actually.
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  like Yeah.
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  when we s when I when I started, really thought our our journey had like come to a conclusion.
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  I had no idea we were moving to Costa Rica.
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  I had no idea like everything that was gonna happen.
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  I thought
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  that just this transition from leaving this life that we thought we were gonna live this for the rest of our lives.
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  Like we thought this was a permanent thing being on this family farm.
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  And so it was really scary.
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  And it was really it was really hard and and so releasing that we thought was the was the thing.
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  Like we thought that that was
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  That was the interesting part.
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  And then so we started writing and things just kept happening.
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  So every chapter just seemed like it it came at the per like the the theme of the chapter was just perfect for what we were going through and it just it just I don't know, it lined
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  up and it was very therapeutic for me too.
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  So yeah.
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  you gotta tell some of the stories.
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  You gotta tell you gotta you you like like throw these like cliffhangers out here.
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  It's just like this thing happened and you know, just walk you can't do that.
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  let's see.
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  you know we so one of the most memorable anecdotes in the book for me is when we were it was about halfway through.
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  We we had already done a lot of personal development and so we were really trying to get in a lot of like exercise and really prioritize our health.
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  And it was the middle of winter, it was a blizzard, there was a lot of lot of snow on the ground already, and I was determined to go on a hike at a nearby state park because
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  because we're healthy now.
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  So we wanted to do this, and I
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  I had such blinders on that I did not, I could not see the road ahead.
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  Like I could literally not see how dangerous the road was.
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  And so Jake got in the car very hesitantly with me and drove drove a few miles to the state park.
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  your wife, Jake, yes.
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  Yeah.
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  Started driving down the road and and Jake's like grabbing the dashboard, like what are what are we doing out here?
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  And and I'm like just it's fine, it's fine, we're gonna go for a hike, everything's fine, and then the the car starts like ts just sliding, you know, and I stop and it's it's okay,
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  it's fine.
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  I'm just gonna back up.
• 16:15
  No problem.
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  So start backing up.
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  And it keeps sliding the same direction.
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  Okay, okay, fine.
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  So all right.
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  So I put it back and drive, and I was gonna go really fast and then press the gas and it just goes.
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  Like just the wheels are halfway down into the snow.
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  And um we were supposed to pick up our kids from the bus stop in like half an hour, and we were stuck in in a blizzard in
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  And we just we didn't know what to do.
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  And it was it was a really good metaphor for how we found ourselves in this family business.
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  Like it it felt like such a good idea at the beginning.
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  And our intentions were so good.
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  And we had blinders on to a lot of red flags.
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  And so, you know, we're driving and we're doing all this stuff that we probably shouldn't have done and we didn't we didn't realize it.
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  And and as we're going farther into the snow and sliding, you know, still trying to have those blinders on until all of a sudden thunk and midlife crisis.
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  Like, okay.
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  Like there was a lot there was a lot of warning signs that we did not take seriously.
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  So
• 17:22
  Wow, wow.
• 17:23
  You just you just threw like midlife crisis in there in the in the middle of you you just took us on a on an on another journey.
• 17:29
  Um I j I just wanna I just want to state, you know, we don't have that problem in Georgia.
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  Like if it seems like it might possibly potentially snow, they shut everything down.
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  Nobody goes to school, nothing.
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  In Jersey, when I grew up, it wasn't like that.
• 17:42
  It's like you guys can walk, you'll be fine.
• 17:44
  Jake, what what was your favorite story that you guys have put together so far?
• 17:48
  man.
• 17:48
  no, I think I think just you know living through change and and and learning to not react or not not blow up.
• 17:58
  I mean like that was that that was a perfect situation of like, okay, we're stuck in the snow, we've you know, we've driven down a field road.
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  that we were literally driving on top of the snow and all of a sudden the snow gave way and the car just like sunk in.
• 18:12
  I mean that's it was a it was just a perfect metaphor for like what problem do we really have at this moment?
• 18:18
  We're not
• 18:18
  You know, we're not sick, we're not we don't have cancer, like we're gonna get figure this out, we're gonna get through this.
• 18:24
  and and so when I look back on the past like decade or fifteen years or whatever it was, like that is such just such a good metaphor for for all of the decisions that we faced.
• 18:35
  It was like, what problem do we really have at this moment?
• 18:38
  We're okay, we're financially fine, we're gonna figure it out, and it really just doesn't help to
• 18:44
  to panic and and and to think that that we're done.
• 18:48
  so no I mean I mean I really love that story.
• 18:50
  I the another story that comes to mind is when, you know, there just just this energy of like of change was just blowing up inside of us.
• 18:59
  We were just so we had I think we had suppressed ourselves for so long that like this explosion of like we have to change and become different people
• 19:09
  exploded out of us.
• 19:10
  And and one of the one of the examples was like we were doing we were doing 75 Hard for the first time.
• 19:15
  and if you're familiar with the program, it's you know it it involves a lot of exercise, a lot of reading of personal development books, of a gallon of water and whatnot.
• 19:24
  you can Google it.
• 19:25
  But in the middle of that program, I think I was probably
• 19:28
  50 or 60 days in, I had been following my diet so strictly that like I had actually created a a nutrient deficiency in my body, and my heart actually started slowing down to
• 19:41
  like 30 some beats per minute, and my Apple Watch was telling me this.
• 19:46
  Like, but at any rate, i I I mean, I I'm I'm I I switched my diet, and and what really what had happened was
• 19:53
  I wasn't getting sufficient amount protein.
• 19:55
  And like, you know, that's obvious to nine people out of ten.
• 19:58
  Like, yeah, you gotta especially if you're gonna exercise all day day long.
• 20:02
  Number one, you can't you can't restrict your your calor your calories to a point where your body's going to become, you know, to move into starvation mode.
• 20:11
  and number two, like you gotta make sure that your protein is there in order to supply your heart and your and your muscles.
• 20:17
  and so that's you know, that's obvious to most people, but like that was just one of those experiences along the way where it's like we were just so ready to change that like I
• 20:26
  couldn't
• 20:27
  it it just exploded out of us.
• 20:29
  And that's that was that seventy five heart program for the first time.
• 20:32
  And it really did it really did open our eyes to what it feels like to live without alcohol, what it feels like to get you know, a proper amount of sleep, to read personal
• 20:42
  development books and like what it actually feels like to live that life.
• 20:46
  and previous to that we had never had such a profound experience as to what
• 20:51
  these what these daily tasks can do for you.
• 20:55
  Does that make sense?
• 20:57
  it it does, it does, it does.
• 20:59
  what s what I'm curious about is you you talk about seventy five hard, you know, and and of course, you know, there's there's the process that goes along with that.
• 21:06
  But you guys also talked it from the perspective of, you know, significant change, you know, your your personal development, you know, your health, et cetera, et cetera.
• 21:15
  And, you know, l a lot of times, you know, people, you know, they have, you know, outside coaches or someone else.
• 21:20
  Did you did you guys have a coach or did you guys
• 21:22
  you know, just support each other.
• 21:24
  How how did that work?
• 21:25
  What what kept you guys on on the wagon, so to speak?
• 21:28
  Go ahead.
• 21:29
  yeah, it was it was really that we did it together.
• 21:31
  Yeah.
• 21:31
  So we did not have an outside coach at that time.
• 21:33
  but we we supported each other through and I don't think we would have been able to do it if we would have done it as individuals.
• 21:41
  Like it really took the team.
• 21:43
  And you know, there was a that we did have friends, we did have family that were that kind of questioned our sanity for for wanting to to make some of these choices, like how dare
• 21:52
  you not eat that birthday cake or or have alcohol when we're camping, or you know, that it it so as long as we had each other to back to back up, like it it it we were able to get
• 22:04
  through it and now we wouldn't have it any other way.
• 22:07
  That's beautiful.
• 22:08
  I I I love stories where like couples are built.
• 22:10
  Do you guys feel like you're closer together as a result of as a result of this journey?
• 22:16
  You say that with such passion.
• 22:17
  uh Absolutely.
• 22:23
  Absolutely.
• 22:23
  That's that's amazing.
• 22:24
  That's amazing.
• 22:25
  so we we're we so we're at the point where we left the farm.
• 22:28
  You guys started the next leg of your entrepreneurial journey.
• 22:31
  You wanna talk about that?
• 22:32
  Hmm.
• 22:32
  well, number one, we found out that it's really hard to start over in a new country.
• 22:37
  That it's very time consuming.
• 22:40
  especially exactly it's hard to start over in any community.
• 22:44
  Like that was you know, I think we had probably rainbow glasses on when we left the US and came to Costa Rica for sure, but like uh
• 22:52
  You just have to trust yourself, trust your process, trust that you are where you are supposed to be.
• 22:57
  and and and and keep you know keep keep on going.
• 23:01
  but no, I mean the entre entrepreneurial process for us has been has been you know it's been a battle.
• 23:06
  It's been it's been tough.
• 23:08
  but but you know there's a there was just a a lot
• 23:11
  of work getting set up, number one, in a new country, especially with two kids.
• 23:15
  We've got a 12 and a 14 year old here in Costa Rica with us and and and getting set up in a you know
• 23:21
  Costa Rica's kind of like a third world country, but it's it's a it's kind of a first it's got both sides of the equation, right?
• 23:27
  It's got third world going on, it's got first world going on, but it's definitely got its its share of bureaucracy, of hoops to jump through, and just of of a lot of needless time
• 23:37
  sucks.
• 23:40
  Yeah.
• 23:41
  Yeah.
• 23:42
  Yeah.
• 23:42
  You you can take the the line at the DMV and multiply that by ten.
• 23:46
  I mean that's
• 23:47
  That's Costa Rica, man.
• 23:48
  Yeah.
• 23:49
  In in banks, in cell phone stores, in like every like everywhere.
• 23:56
  Paying your internet bill.
• 23:57
  Like there's no doubt it it forces you to take a Zen perspective on your time, on your life.
• 24:03
  Like it if you go down that ra if you go down that and and let those those feelings of rage or whatever it is like consume you, you are screwed.
• 24:12
  And they will not Costa Rica will not repay.
• 24:15
  you know, repay you with kindness if you if you approach it with with anger or anything like that.
• 24:20
  Um yeah.
• 24:23
  But no, I mean here we are like you know two years in.
• 24:26
  We're coming up on two years into the country here.
• 24:28
  And uh and I am about three or four months deep on a on a pretty significant pivot for me going into the coffee world.
• 24:36
  And it's something that I just I kept on finding myself drawn to
• 24:41
  coff the coffee business, the the agronomy of it.
• 24:44
  I think my you know my background in farming is is is coming out like my passion for just good coffee my my passion for teaching people about this world is all like is all kind of
• 24:55
  bubbling together and has become like this central point of focus for me.
• 24:59
  and so that's that's you know that's that's a part of our journey too is like okay we just have to trust the process and trust that
• 25:05
  That everything's gonna gonna work out.
• 25:07
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 25:09
  Ky Kylie, what was what was your experience like?
• 25:11
  as far as moving to Costa Rica or or starting?
• 25:16
  Yeah.
• 25:16
  you know, I mean you you've gotta get client number one.
• 25:20
  You know.
• 25:21
  Yeah.
• 25:21
  And the the it's scary starting out.
• 25:24
  Yeah.
• 25:25
  especially teaching that first yoga class or putting yourself out there in new studios and yeah, it can be kind of crushing when you don't have have a big class.
• 25:34
  Or even, you know, I've had a few times where I haven't had anyone show up for a class.
• 25:38
  So it's like
• 25:39
  You know, being an entrepreneur is it's really hard.
• 25:42
  You you have to be your own cheerleader.
• 25:44
  You have to you have to just, yeah, let go of the bad days and then celebrate the good days really.
• 25:51
  So I I've always loved yoga.
• 25:54
  I've always, you know, since we started our personal development journey, it really opened my eyes to like how how good you can feel.
• 26:00
  And I just want to share that with everybody.
• 26:02
  And so I really leaned into it more and more and more until I realized, well, I wanna I wanna teach this now.
• 26:08
  So I got my certification and it's it's still growing, it's still building.
• 26:13
  Um
• 26:14
  There's still days that I I I wish I could just maybe have a data entry job for eight hours and like not have to have all those worries and like self-doubt and things.
• 26:26
  Like it just it's a lot of stress.
• 26:29
  Like but then there are other days that I remember when I had those data entry jobs and it felt so meaningless.
• 26:35
  Like it just like I don't wanna feel like a zombie.
• 26:38
  I don't I don't wanna feel like
• 26:40
  I'm doing something that a computer can do instead of a human.
• 26:45
  Like I I wanna I wanna use my brain and my creativity.
• 26:49
  And so it's it's a lot of ups and downs.
• 26:53
  But probably one of the biggest takeaways for me is like you can't take that stuff personally.
• 26:57
  Like it's and it's difficult not to take it personally.
• 27:00
  You know what I mean?
• 27:01
  Like when when nobody shows up for a yoga class or like when
• 27:04
  when you give somebody like a cup of coffee that you think is the most amazing coffee in the world and they like kind of like, oh thanks.
• 27:12
  Yeah.
• 27:12
  You know, like it's it you you can't take that stuff personally, but it's not easy.
• 27:17
  It is not easy to and so you really have to kind of disassociate or disconnect, you know, yourself, your self-worth from from from what you offer.
• 27:26
  And uh and I'm sure, you know
• 27:28
  just about every entrepreneur has has gone has to go through that phase.
• 27:32
  Like it's just one of those phases that there's you can't do it.
• 27:35
  You can't get out the other side without it.
• 27:37
  yeah.
• 27:37
  yeah.
• 27:37
  Those rain those rainbow rainbow colored glasses come off.
• 27:41
  They absolutely do.
• 27:42
  You know, one of the one of the things that I'm hearing, you know, kind of as a as a recurring theme is the the idea of of surrender.
• 27:50
  You know, you you were challenged, you know, at the farm, you're just like, you know what, we're we're you know, we're giving this up.
• 27:55
  You know, we're going to
• 27:56
  you know, go in the direction that we, you that that our hearts are taking us.
• 27:59
  And then going into, you know, going to Costa Rica, just like, well, when are we going to do this?
• 28:04
  You what?
• 28:04
  Let's go ahead and do this.
• 28:05
  Let's let's make the step.
• 28:07
  And getting there, you know, you're starting the businesses and it's, you know, you're you're you're doing all these things and and you're you're I don't know, following your
• 28:15
  instinct.
• 28:15
  You're surrendering to, you know, you know, whatever it is that drives you.
• 28:20
  And you say,
• 28:21
  you know, there's a pro you know, it'll all work out.
• 28:23
  I mean, what what gives you what gives you that confidence?
• 28:25
  Where is that what what is that rooted in?
• 28:28
  I mean, that's you know, sounds like a learned behavior or craziness.
• 28:31
  I mean, forgive me.
• 28:32
  Where where do where does that come from?
• 28:34
  I mean I I I imagine it comes out of our childhood of of being of always having that that's we know that that safety net exists no matter what happens.
• 28:43
  but but in reality, like I feel like there's always just this huge like where the where the dissonance comes from is is when
• 28:51
  you you're imagining where you think you should be and you are where you are.
• 28:55
  Like that's where the dissonance is.
• 28:57
  And I think that that's where all of the conflict lies as well.
• 29:02
  Especially the internal conflict is and and so the more focus, the more attention you give to that dissonance that the the harder it may it makes it for yourself.
• 29:12
  You know what I mean?
• 29:13
  Like uh I I I don't know the exact
• 29:15
  saying but there's a saying where you know basically Buddha is saying like only suffer from the arrow once, right?
• 29:22
  Like the arrow hits you wherever it may be.
• 29:24
  You pull that arrow out and like you don't have to continue suffering from uh from that same arrow, right?
• 29:30
  And I think what, you know, that's where the mental suffering comes from is this this imagined imagined disconnect.
• 29:37
  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 29:39
  I've I I have a thought like that as well.
• 29:41
  You know, it's just like, you know, it's not worth worrying about tomorrow because whether you worry or don't, whatever's supposed to happen tomorrow is gonna happen.
• 29:48
  You know.
• 29:49
  You just put out a bunch of energy or didn't.
• 29:51
  Kylie, what what what are your thoughts?
• 29:53
  What what is it what is that that, you know, gives you that foundation or that grounding that says, Hey, you know what, it's it's gonna work out.
• 29:59
  I'm going to do the thing that I need to do that my heart's telling me to do, no matter what.
• 30:04
  What what is it?
• 30:05
  I think it's maybe a combination of things.
• 30:07
  One is that we were so miserable before that like we would no matter how hard it is, like we would never go back.
• 30:14
  Like we'd we were there.
• 30:15
  We were in that dark place.
• 30:16
  And so so we had that motivation.
• 30:19
  we also I think the other thing is that we prepare a lot.
• 30:23
  Like it wasn't just jump to Costa Rica.
• 30:25
  Like we did we did a couple years of preparation of
• 30:29
  of of all those yoga classes like and the yoga certification and like financially we did we started investing in personally into some real estate and so we started like building
• 30:41
  some passive passive income to help us along um we started you know like we had a few years of just really getting our bodies like healthy and our minds healthy and clarity and
• 30:54
  we've actually lived in Central America before.
• 30:57
  So uh we we served in the Peace Corps in El Salvador.
• 31:01
  And so it wasn't wasn't completely new new to us.
• 31:04
  We knew what we were getting ourselves into.
• 31:07
  we did a lot of research of Costa Rica, we did a lot of research around other places in the US.
• 31:13
  We even considered going to like grad school.
• 31:16
  And so like we put a lot of time and effort into this plan and
• 31:20
  And so like you can feel it it's it's easier to rest at pe in like that this plan is gonna work because we've we've done all the research, we've done all the you know, like what if
• 31:32
  this, what if that, and we have a few things in our back pocket if things don't work out and we can pivot if we need to.
• 31:39
  So
• 31:40
  Preparation.
• 31:41
  There you go.
• 31:41
  I love that.
• 31:42
  I love that.
• 31:42
  I love that.
• 31:43
  Jake, question for you.
• 31:44
  I've spoken to a number number of entrepreneurs, I probably fit in this boat as well, you know, did what we've done, you know, what we know how to do, you know, for twenty years.
• 31:53
  And, you know, starting to get that, you know, that feeling like something
• 31:57
  We're you're not we're not fulfilled anymore.
• 31:59
  Like something else is calling us.
• 32:00
  What what what do you recommend?
• 32:02
  What what are the steps that we should take in terms of perhaps assessing and and you know, taking it taking you know, taking steps to change what we're doing, our trajectory.
• 32:13
  Yeah.
• 32:14
  I mean we do we do spell a lot of the steps out in the book, and and or all of the steps I should say that we took.
• 32:20
  Um but like the first thing that jumps to my mind is really getting quiet, and shutting off the outside world.
• 32:29
  So like, you know, I think that it's so easy to just live a life full of distraction.
• 32:34
  And I'm not you know, I'm not a hundred percent
• 32:37
  free of distraction by any means.
• 32:38
  And I'm not saying I'm perfect.
• 32:39
  But what I think what happens is that we just get sucked into this hypnosis, this you know, this daze.
• 32:46
  And and it and a lot of that it just is born out of the the constant distraction that we have all day long.
• 32:54
  The phone, the the television, the email, the the text messages, the everything.
• 32:58
  and and there's always a an excuse to
• 33:01
  not think about the tough thoughts.
• 33:04
  So like it I think it's a very common theme.
• 33:08
  Tough thought arises and we suppress it.
• 33:10
  We say, no, I I don't want to think about that right now.
• 33:12
  I'm gonna pull out my phone.
• 33:14
  and and I think you gotta be okay with whatever that tough thought is and look at it and think about it and and spend time on it.
• 33:23
  And sometimes you don't necessarily see those those thoughts until
• 33:27
  you do shut out the outside world and and get quiet.
• 33:31
  so that's step number one.
• 33:32
  I think step number one is like learn to not you know to not shut those things down.
• 33:37
  Like look at feel it, accept it.
• 33:40
  It is what it is.
• 33:41
  Like you can't you know what what I think about a lot of times is we don't get to choose our passions.
• 33:46
  We don't get to choose our interests.
• 33:48
  Though they choose us.
• 33:49
  It's not it's not something that we, you know
• 33:52
  consciously say I'm gonna be interested in this now or like this is gonna be my fun eck thing now.
• 33:57
  Like your hobbies kind of pick you.
• 33:59
  You don't pick your hobbies.
• 34:01
  So I think that's that's probably that's probably step number one.
• 34:04
  Uh yeah exactly so and actually so in our yeah that's it in our
• 34:16
  In our book, we actually sort of summarize our our journey into like six phases.
• 34:21
  And phase one is contemplate.
• 34:23
  And it really is exactly what Jake was talking about, is just like quieting that outside world and just getting really getting your mind clear on what you want.
• 34:31
  And then from there it gets fun.
• 34:33
  So uh
• 34:36
  What's what's the name of your book?
• 34:37
  You guys, I don't think we've talked about that.
• 34:39
  Yeah, a more brilliant life.
• 34:41
  Okay.
• 34:41
  And who's it for?
• 34:42
  you know what?
• 34:42
  It is for it is for our past selves.
• 34:45
  It is for people in their in their thirties or forties or s or anyone who just feels like super stuck in in their career, in their life, in their relationship and and they and they
• 34:56
  feel like there's there's just no way out and they're gonna have to just live with it the rest of their lives.
• 35:01
  and so it really th 'cause that's how we felt.
• 35:03
  We felt like we were in this life and we were, you know
• 35:06
  We were really in some really unhealthy bodies.
• 35:09
  Um, Jake was obese.
• 35:11
  I had prediabetes and asthma and acne and like so we had so many issues going on.
• 35:17
  and you know, just for anyone who just feels like they can't change and and they're just gonna have to just accept where they're at.
• 35:25
  Like we want you to know you don't have to accept it.
• 35:28
  Like you, you can grow.
• 35:30
  You can change.
• 35:31
  Nothing is permanent.
• 35:31
  Love it, love it.
• 35:32
  And so what do you expect people to do as a result of reading the book?
• 35:35
  Well, I I am hoping they are inspired to take that next step.
• 35:40
  it might be little, it might be big, but just to just to really realize that they are not stuck and in fact those handcuffs are self inflicted and all they have to do is let go.
• 35:51
  Okay, one more question for each of you.
• 35:53
  so the name of the show is the Relentless Pursuit of Winning Podcast.
• 35:56
  And what we what we always talk about, or you know, the idea that anyone can define winning, you know, whatever that is.
• 36:01
  The challenge that we often have, you know, especially as entrepreneurs, is maintaining that relentless pursuit.
• 36:07
  Each of you, give me an answer.
• 36:09
  What would you recommend to someone in order to encourage them to maintain that relentless pursuit?
• 36:14
  Kylie, you can go first.
• 36:15
  Yeah, okay, so I may have just been struggling with this this morning.
• 36:19
  She can say yeah.
• 36:22
  you know what?
• 36:22
  My motto is follow the white rabbit.
• 36:24
  And it is to always follow your joy, your curiosity, your own intuition, your passion, and not to live the life that someone else expects of you, not to live the life that you think
• 36:38
  you're supposed to live.
• 36:39
  But Live the life that you actually want to live.
• 36:42
  and f and it might be outside the box.
• 36:44
  It might be following that rabbit off the path, down the hole, to Costa Rica.
• 36:49
  So like just f everyone's got their own white rabbit, just follow that white rabbit.
• 36:54
  Yeah, yeah.
• 36:55
  I love that.
• 36:55
  Follow the white rabbit.
• 36:56
  What do you got first, Jake?
• 36:58
  for me I really I just really love this concept of radical acceptance.
• 37:01
  So you know and for me like it's it's it's a relentless pursuit, right?
• 37:07
  but like if you If you're stuck in this place where you're not accepting where you are where you are, who you are, your current position, like it's gonna be you're you're gonna
• 37:17
  end up shooting yourself in your foot.
• 37:18
  right?
• 37:18
  because you're not
• 37:19
  Taking you're not moving out of that position of I can't accept where I am.
• 37:23
  Um, so and then I mean in in terms of radical acceptance, like it's it's really just a focus or it's a it's a matter of focusing in on zooming in on what it is that you need to
• 37:35
  accept and and looking deeper and and uncovering those layers, and then just taking the next steps, like.
• 37:40
  Really, like the best advice that I can ever get, because I've gone through depression.
• 37:44
  I feel like everybody has a has a period in their life when they when they've experienced some been on the spectrum of some sort of depression.
• 37:51
  And when you're on the couch and and you you have zero motivation, you can't you can't get up, you just want to sit there and watch TV or movies or whatever it is, like you just
• 38:01
  have to zoom in further and further.
• 38:03
  Okay, what is the next step?
• 38:04
  And the next step might be sitting up, sitting up on the couch.
• 38:08
  grabbing the remote control.
• 38:09
  Like it's really just a matter of just keep moving and you will get through it.
• 38:14
  You will get on the other side of it.
• 38:15
  and and and this too shall pass.
• 38:18
  Mm-hmm.
• 38:19
  We had a in the in the army we had this our drill sergeants had this statement of you know fairly forward, roughly right.
• 38:25
  You know, it's just we just keep moving.
• 38:26
  We just keep moving towards, you know, whatever target.
• 38:29
  and I and I've always carried that.
• 38:31
  so I get it.
• 38:31
  I love that.
• 38:32
  I love that.
• 38:32
  Follow the white rabbit.
• 38:33
  say it for me one more time.
• 38:35
  It was radical, radical acceptance.
• 38:38
  Yes, yes, yes.
• 38:39
  Awesome.
• 38:40
  If anybody wants to get in touch with you guys, what's the best way to do that?
• 38:43
  so our website is Brilliant LifeJourney dot com.
• 38:46
  we also have a YouTube channel, Brilliant Life Journey, same name.
• 38:50
  a couple of different social medias, the same name, Brilliant Life Journey.
• 38:54
  Yep.
• 38:55
  Okay.
• 38:55
  Cool.
• 38:56
  Awesome.
• 38:56
  Awesome.
• 38:56
  Awesome.
• 38:57
  Well, guys, thank you so much for being on the show.
• 38:59
  I really enjoyed it.
• 39:00
  hope you guys had a good time.
• 39:04
  Absolutely.
• 39:04
  Absolutely.
• 39:05
  And folks, thank you so much for watching or listening to another episode of the Relentless Pursuit of Winning Podcast.
• 39:10
  We'll catch you next time.