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10 Reframes That Will Change Your Divorce - And You · Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate, a podcast covering all things relationships, separation, and divorce.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: How to create healthy, happy, fulfilling relationships without sacrificing any part of yourself.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Supporting anyone feeling challenged in their relationship or marriage.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: These are confidential conversations for you if you're navigating separation, divorce or reorganising life afterwards.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Decide whether to stay or leave a relationship or marriage, divorce with less drama, and consciously choose what's next for you.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: I acknowledge the traditional owners of the land on which this podcast is recorded, the Warren Tree people of the Coolin Nation, and pay my respects to their elders, past, present, and emerging.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: I acknowledge them as the original storytellers of this land.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: Just before we dive into this week's episode of the podcast, a little announcement from me.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm running a free online interactive masterclass, The One Thing You Can Do to Heal Your Relationship Pattern.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: This will meet you no matter where you are.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: In a relationship or marriage that's not setting your soul on fire, wondering whether to stay or leave, already navigating a separation, divorce, even healing from a breakup and ready perhaps for a new relationship, but don't want to end up in the same old, same old.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Even if you're considering getting back out there, stepping into the world of dating, this masterclass is for you.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: Shift your relationship pattern, step towards healing.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: Join me in the masterclass, all the details and the link to sign up will be in the show notes.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to see you there and share it with you.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: If you can't make it live, there'll be a recording available for a short period of time afterwards.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: So sign up by the link in the show notes, and you can access either the free online version or the recording afterwards.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: And now here's this week's episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to this week's episode of the podcast 10 Reframes that will change your divorce and you.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: So that's another reframe for loss about around divorce or separation.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: I often talk about the fact that yes, you've lost the stability of perhaps a dual income household, but you've gained in terms of full agency, full control over where and how the financial resources that you have are used.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: So you've lost something, but you've gained something.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_00: You've lost A partnership, you've gained your freedom.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: Freedom to choose completely on your own, exactly what you're going to do with your time, your energy, your other resources, not just financial.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: So loss reframed as freedom to choose.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: The seventh reframe is challenges reframed as opportunities, or challenges reframed as pathways to healing.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: And you'll notice that there's a lot of overlap between these reframes.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: But this one, challenges, opportunities, or pathways.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: So the old thought is along the line of this is too hard, this is unbearable, the pain is unbearable, it's never ending, everything feels so hard, so overwhelming.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: I I'm not going to be able to do this.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: I can't see a way through.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: And the new reframe can become I am in pain, and that pain is temporary.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: And even though it's hard, it's also an opportunity for healing, for transformation, for growth.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: I trust myself and I am strong enough to move through it.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: I've done hard things before.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: I have capacity and strength and the right support to overcome this overwhelm.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: I accept, I acknowledge how hard this is, and I can also feel it shaping me into a stronger, wiser, more self-aware, expanded version of myself.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: The impact with activation is then around seeing your pain, seeing your overwhelm as a temporary state and reframing it as a guide, something to be moved through rather than an enemy or a forever state.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: This activates in us patience, self-compassion, and trust.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: Trust in ourselves, trust in our capacity, in our ability to do hard things, and also trust in the healing process.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: Trust and belief that there is an end to this phase.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_00: And this allows you to do the difficult things, engage with big emotions, ease yourself through the overwhelm constructively rather than fighting against, resisting, suppressing all the big emotions, or being tipped into a state of freeze or fawn.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: Reframe number eight is failure reframed as evolution or failure reframed as learning and growth.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: The old thought.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: Even this relationship.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: This relationship taught me valuable lessons and has served its purpose for a season of my life.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_00: So the impact, the activation becomes redefining failure in inverted commas as part of your evolution.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_00: And this activates self-acceptance, shifts you from regret, shame, blame, judgment, which we talked about earlier, but mostly here we're talking about regret to gratitude.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_00: And it frees you from shame and allows you to approach your future and your future relationships, including the one you have with yourself, with kindness, compassion, greater wisdom, and confidence, right?
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: Confidence to dream of and envision something more for yourself, more fulfilling, more connected relationships for your future, while also fostering a renewed, reclaimed, deeper connection with yourself.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_00: Reframe number nine is a little similar.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_00: As I keep saying, there are intersections with all of these, right?
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: They're all a massive Venn diagram with you in the middle of it.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_00: Reframe number nine is ending beginnings.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_00: An ending reframed as an expansion or a new beginning.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_00: The old thought, you know, everything is gone.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_00: This feels like everything I've ever known is lost to me.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's an end, it's finished, it's over.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_00: The new reframe is about endings making space for something new.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: Endings making space for new beginnings, something finishing, something closing, something ending, opening up space for something different.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_00: So the reframe, what if this is an invitation to step into a more authentic, fulfilled, expanded version of me and of my life, and a version of my life that is more and greater and richer than I ever imagined possible?
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_00: This is a start of a new chapter full of possibility, full of self-discovery, full of expansion.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's an opportunity, an ending reframed as an expansion, a new beginning, an opportunity.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_00: So the impact, the activation is that shifting your perspective or your definition or your understanding of endings expands you and opens you up to hope, to possibility, to change, to newness, to something new, to something different.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_00: It allows you to see the future as yours to create, full of choice, full of possibility rather than a void.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_00: It empowers you to create a life that reflects who you are now as well as who you're expanding into, who you're becoming, and it gives you the freedom to shape this new chapter on your own terms.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_00: So, yes, there is an ending, let's acknowledge that, and also there's a new beginning.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_00: So reframe ending as expansion, possibility, new beginning.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_00: And the final reframe is uncertainty and fear reframed as a reclamation of you, a reclamation of your power.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_00: So the old thought: I'm terrified of all the things, I'm terrified of being lone, I'm afraid I'll never find love again, I don't know what's coming next, everything feels uncertain and scary, I'm afraid.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_00: The new reframe.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, there is uncertainty, but uncertainty is not a threat.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's new and that makes it feel uncomfortable, but I can embrace this uncertainty as an opportunity, and I can choose consciously and for myself.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_00: I get to define what happens next.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_00: And the next thing I'm going to say is a really important part of this reframe.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_00: I fully trust myself, and I could stop there.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: I fully trust myself.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm gonna go on.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: I fully trust myself to navigate the unknown, to hold space for myself in the uncertainty, to make choices that align with my values, that expand, uplift, and serve me best.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_00: I fully trust myself to navigate uncertainty.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: So the impact of this, embracing uncertainty as an opportunity for growth activates your confidence, your resilience, your capability, your adaptability.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_00: So rather than fearing the unknown, you reclaim your power to define your path with intention, with courage, and with deep, deep self-trust.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_00: This shift empowers you to view the uncertainty not as something to be afraid of, not as something to fear, but as a space full of potential where you can create a future that aligns with you and your deepest desires for what you are calling in next.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: So let's recap the ten reframes.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, judgment reframed as curiosity.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, criticism reframed as compassion.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_00: Number three, fault becomes solutions.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_00: Number four, blame, reframed as radical personal responsibility.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_00: Reactivity, reframed as responsiveness, too many.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_00: Number six, loss, reframed as growth or expansion.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_00: Number seven, challenges, reframed as pathways to healing.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_00: Number eight, failure, reframed as evolution.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_00: Number nine, ending becomes expansion.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_00: And number ten, uncertainty and fear become reclamation of your power of yourself.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_00: And as I said before, you these all become all created Venn diagram with you at the at the centre, with some core themes too at the center.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_00: Key takeaways are around empowerment and curiosity and hope as tools for transformation and shift and growth, right?
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_00: Expansion.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_00: And so I would invite you to choose one or two this week to reframe for yourself.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_00: One of those things that really speaks to you loudly, regardless of where you are in your relationship or separation or divorce journey.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_00: Choose one and practice that reframe this week.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because they're all going to take practice, right?
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_00: They're not a one-and-done experience.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's a process, as I said at the beginning.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_00: And also don't forget, there's a link in the show notes if you want to sign up to join me in my free masterclass, the one thing you can do to heal your relationship patterns.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_00: If you can't join me live, there will be a recording and you'll have access to that for a short time after the masterclass goes live.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_00: If, of course, you're ready to step closer and want to explore working with me in a one-on-one capacity.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_00: There's also a link in the show notes, as always, to book a free intro call so we can talk through how that might look.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for being here.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_00: Please rate, review, share the podcast so we can get it into the ears of anybody else who needs to hear this message.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_00: Until next week, bye for now.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Sally Ann Hartnell, divorce coach and strategist, and you've been listening to Reflect, Reclaim, and Liberate.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_00: You can follow me on Instagram at Reflect Coaching, and if you can think of anyone who would love or benefit from listening to this episode, please share it with them.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'd also be so grateful if you would follow and review the podcast so we can get into the ears of a whole lot of people just like you who are ready to reclaim and liberate themselves in life and love.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you'll join me next week for another episode of Reflect, Reclaim, and Liberate.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_00: Until then.