Latest / The Iconic Midlife with Roxy Manning / Letting Go of the Good Girl: Shame, Self-Compassion, and Midlife Growth with Annalie Howling

Transcript

Letting Go of the Good Girl: Shame, Self-Compassion, and Midlife Growth with Annalie Howling · The Iconic Midlife with Roxy Manning

• 0:00
  Don't
• 0:00
  shame
• 0:01
  yourself.
• 0:02
  If
• 0:02
  you
• 0:02
  have
• 0:03
  grown
• 0:03
  in
• 0:03
  a
• 0:03
  different
• 0:04
  direction,
• 0:04
  it's
• 0:04
  okay.
• 0:05
  Power
• 0:06
  sometimes
• 0:06
  for
• 0:06
  women
• 0:07
  can
• 0:07
  feel
• 0:07
  like
• 0:07
  a
• 0:08
  dirty
• 0:08
  word.
• 0:08
  You
• 0:08
  know,
• 0:08
  like
• 0:09
  we're
• 0:09
  not
• 0:09
  supposed
• 0:10
  to
• 0:10
  want
• 0:10
  to
• 0:10
  be
• 0:11
  powerful
• 0:11
  or
• 0:12
  go
• 0:12
  after
• 0:12
  power.
• 0:12
  I
• 0:13
  should
• 0:13
  have
• 0:13
  done
• 0:13
  this,
• 0:13
  I
• 0:14
  should
• 0:14
  have
• 0:14
  done
• 0:14
  that.
• 0:14
  I
• 0:15
  should
• 0:15
  lose
• 0:15
  five
• 0:15
  pounds.
• 0:16
  Should.
• 0:17
  Should
• 0:18
  be
• 0:18
  a
• 0:18
  swear
• 0:18
  word.
• 0:19
  Ugh.
• 0:19
  We
• 0:19
  need
• 0:20
  to
• 0:20
  let
• 0:20
  go
• 0:20
  of
• 0:20
  this
• 0:20
  like
• 0:21
  bad
• 0:21
  girl
• 0:21
  notion.
• 0:22
  It
• 0:22
  causes
• 0:22
  so
• 0:23
  many
• 0:23
  problems.
• 0:24
  You
• 0:24
  know,
• 0:24
  I
• 0:25
  think
• 0:25
  some
• 0:25
  of
• 0:25
  the
• 0:25
  shame
• 0:25
  based
• 0:26
  narratives
• 0:26
  is
• 0:27
  that
• 0:27
  one
• 0:27
  should
• 0:27
  sort
• 0:28
  of
• 0:28
  go
• 0:28
  away
• 0:28
  to
• 0:29
  pasture
• 0:30
  and
• 0:30
  then
• 0:30
  only
• 0:30
  reemerge
• 0:31
  when
• 0:31
  you're
• 0:31
  perfect
• 0:32
  again.
• 0:32
  Sometimes
• 0:33
  that
• 0:33
  means
• 0:33
  that
• 0:34
  you're
• 0:34
  not
• 0:34
  in
• 0:34
  line
• 0:34
  with
• 0:34
  your
• 0:35
  romantic
• 0:35
  partner
• 0:35
  anymore.
• 0:36
  So
• 0:36
  how
• 0:37
  does
• 0:37
  that
• 0:37
  play
• 0:37
  out?
• 0:38
  Your
• 0:38
  soft
• 0:39
  heartedness
• 0:39
  is
• 0:40
  your
• 0:40
  superpower
• 0:40
  to
• 0:41
  be
• 0:41
  grateful,
• 0:41
  frankly?
• 0:42
  Cause
• 0:42
  I
• 0:43
  sleep
• 0:43
  really
• 0:43
  well
• 0:43
  at
• 0:44
  night
• 0:44
  because
• 0:44
  my
• 0:44
  clear
• 0:45
  conscience
• 0:45
  is
• 0:45
  my
• 0:46
  softest
• 0:46
  pillow.
• 0:46
  It
• 0:47
  seems
• 0:47
  like
• 0:47
  we're
• 0:47
  caretaking
• 0:48
  everything
• 0:49
  and
• 0:49
  everyone
• 0:50
  except
• 0:50
  ourselves.
• 0:51
  Spoiler
• 0:51
  alert.
• 0:52
  There
• 0:52
  is
• 0:52
  a
• 0:52
  cure
• 0:52
  for
• 0:52
  shame,
• 0:53
  everyone,
• 0:53
  and
• 0:53
  it's
• 0:54
  self
• 0:54
  compassion.
• 0:59
  What
• 1:00
  if
• 1:00
  the
• 1:00
  one
• 1:00
  thing
• 1:00
  holding
• 1:01
  you
• 1:01
  back
• 1:02
  midlife
• 1:02
  isn't
• 1:02
  your
• 1:02
  age,
• 1:03
  your
• 1:03
  hormones
• 1:04
  or
• 1:04
  your
• 1:04
  circumstances,
• 1:05
  but
• 1:05
  your
• 1:06
  shame?
• 1:06
  Today
• 1:07
  I'm
• 1:07
  joined
• 1:07
  by
• 1:07
  Analee
• 1:08
  Howling,
• 1:08
  performance
• 1:09
  coach
• 1:09
  and
• 1:09
  author
• 1:10
  of
• 1:10
  Unapologetic.
• 1:11
  Unshackle
• 1:12
  your
• 1:12
  shame,
• 1:12
  reclaim
• 1:13
  your
• 1:13
  power.
• 1:14
  And
• 1:14
  we
• 1:14
  are
• 1:14
  cracking
• 1:15
  open
• 1:15
  the
• 1:15
  silent
• 1:16
  weight
• 1:16
  so
• 1:16
  many
• 1:16
  women
• 1:17
  carry.
• 1:18
  We're
• 1:18
  talking
• 1:18
  about
• 1:18
  how
• 1:19
  shame
• 1:19
  hides
• 1:19
  behind
• 1:19
  perfectionism,
• 1:21
  people
• 1:21
  pleasing
• 1:21
  and
• 1:22
  playing
• 1:22
  small,
• 1:23
  and
• 1:23
  how
• 1:23
  to
• 1:23
  finally
• 1:24
  set
• 1:24
  ourselves
• 1:25
  free.
• 1:25
  If
• 1:26
  you've
• 1:26
  ever
• 1:26
  felt
• 1:27
  like
• 1:27
  you're
• 1:27
  too
• 1:27
  much,
• 1:28
  not
• 1:28
  enough,
• 1:28
  or
• 1:28
  somehow
• 1:29
  wrong
• 1:29
  just
• 1:30
  for
• 1:30
  wanting
• 1:30
  more,
• 1:31
  this
• 1:31
  conversation
• 1:32
  will
• 1:32
  hit
• 1:32
  you
• 1:32
  right
• 1:33
  where
• 1:33
  you
• 1:33
  need
• 1:33
  it.
• 1:34
  Follow
• 1:34
  along
• 1:35
  at
• 1:35
  the
• 1:35
  iconic
• 1:36
  Midlife
• 1:36
  and
• 1:37
  edcarpetroxy
• 1:38
  across
• 1:38
  all
• 1:39
  platforms
• 1:40
  and
• 1:40
  tag
• 1:40
  us
• 1:40
  while
• 1:40
  you're
• 1:41
  listening
• 1:41
  and
• 1:41
  send
• 1:42
  this
• 1:42
  episode
• 1:42
  to
• 1:43
  someone
• 1:43
  who's
• 1:43
  ready
• 1:43
  to
• 1:43
  let
• 1:44
  go
• 1:44
  of
• 1:44
  who
• 1:45
  they
• 1:45
  were
• 1:45
  told
• 1:45
  to
• 1:46
  be.
• 1:46
  And
• 1:46
  don't
• 1:47
  forget
• 1:47
  to
• 1:47
  follow
• 1:48
  the
• 1:48
  show
• 1:48
  because
• 1:48
  your
• 1:49
  next
• 1:49
  chapter
• 1:50
  doesn't
• 1:50
  come
• 1:50
  with
• 1:51
  apologies.
• 1:52
  Okay.
• 1:53
  Analy,
• 1:54
  welcome.
• 1:54
  Welcome
• 1:54
  to
• 1:54
  the
• 1:55
  Iconic
• 1:55
  Midlife.
• 1:56
  How
• 1:56
  are
• 1:56
  you
• 1:56
  today?
• 1:57
  Oh,
• 1:57
  thank
• 1:58
  you
• 1:58
  so
• 1:58
  much.
• 1:58
  I'm
• 1:59
  just
• 1:59
  really
• 1:59
  excited
• 1:59
  to
• 2:00
  be
• 2:00
  here
• 2:00
  with
• 2:00
  you.
• 2:01
  Oh,
• 2:01
  well,
• 2:01
  I'm
• 2:01
  so
• 2:01
  excited
• 2:02
  that
• 2:02
  you
• 2:02
  are
• 2:03
  here
• 2:03
  with
• 2:03
  us
• 2:03
  as
• 2:03
  well.
• 2:04
  I
• 2:04
  know
• 2:04
  you're
• 2:04
  coming
• 2:05
  in
• 2:05
  from
• 2:05
  London,
• 2:06
  correct?
• 2:06
  I
• 2:06
  am.
• 2:07
  Okay.
• 2:07
  I
• 2:07
  am.
• 2:07
  And
• 2:08
  we're
• 2:08
  having
• 2:08
  a
• 2:09
  little
• 2:09
  heat
• 2:09
  wave
• 2:09
  here,
• 2:09
  so
• 2:10
  I
• 2:10
  could
• 2:10
  be
• 2:10
  in
• 2:10
  the
• 2:11
  US
• 2:11
  at
• 2:11
  the
• 2:11
  moment.
• 2:11
  But
• 2:12
  yeah,
• 2:12
  I
• 2:12
  am.
• 2:13
  Great.
• 2:13
  It's
• 2:13
  almost
• 2:13
  like
• 2:14
  you're
• 2:14
  having
• 2:14
  a
• 2:14
  California
• 2:15
  summer.
• 2:16
  We're
• 2:16
  going
• 2:16
  to
• 2:16
  tell
• 2:17
  ourselves
• 2:17
  that,
• 2:17
  then
• 2:17
  we'll
• 2:17
  get
• 2:18
  all
• 2:18
  cross
• 2:18
  about
• 2:18
  it
• 2:19
  and
• 2:19
  then
• 2:19
  we'll
• 2:19
  have
• 2:19
  something
• 2:19
  to
• 2:19
  complain
• 2:20
  about
• 2:20
  and
• 2:20
  then
• 2:20
  we
• 2:20
  can't
• 2:20
  cope.
• 2:21
  But
• 2:21
  yeah,
• 2:21
  we
• 2:21
  are.
• 2:22
  That's
• 2:23
  amazing.
• 2:23
  That's
• 2:24
  amazing.
• 2:24
  Well,
• 2:24
  I
• 2:24
  want
• 2:24
  to
• 2:24
  thank
• 2:25
  you
• 2:25
  so
• 2:25
  much
• 2:25
  because
• 2:26
  I
• 2:27
  dived
• 2:27
  into
• 2:27
  your
• 2:27
  book
• 2:28
  Unapologetic,
• 2:29
  right
• 2:29
  when
• 2:29
  I
• 2:29
  got
• 2:30
  it.
• 2:30
  It
• 2:30
  was
• 2:30
  so
• 2:31
  good.
• 2:31
  I
• 2:32
  even
• 2:33
  bookmarked,
• 2:33
  as
• 2:34
  you
• 2:34
  can
• 2:34
  see,
• 2:34
  so
• 2:34
  many
• 2:34
  pages.
• 2:36
  It's.
• 2:37
  You
• 2:37
  just.
• 2:37
  You
• 2:38
  speak
• 2:38
  so
• 2:39
  well
• 2:39
  about
• 2:39
  this
• 2:40
  whole
• 2:41
  sort
• 2:41
  of
• 2:41
  notion
• 2:42
  of
• 2:42
  shame
• 2:42
  and
• 2:43
  about
• 2:43
  how
• 2:43
  we
• 2:43
  as
• 2:44
  women
• 2:44
  especially
• 2:45
  carry
• 2:46
  so
• 2:46
  much
• 2:46
  shame.
• 2:47
  So
• 2:47
  what
• 2:47
  was
• 2:47
  sort
• 2:48
  of
• 2:48
  the
• 2:49
  impetus
• 2:50
  to
• 2:50
  make
• 2:50
  you
• 2:50
  want
• 2:50
  to
• 2:51
  put
• 2:51
  this
• 2:51
  to
• 2:52
  paper?
• 2:53
  Thank
• 2:53
  you.
• 2:53
  So
• 2:53
  thank
• 2:54
  you
• 2:54
  for
• 2:54
  what
• 2:54
  you
• 2:54
  said
• 2:54
  as
• 2:54
  well,
• 2:55
  and
• 2:55
  thank
• 2:55
  you
• 2:55
  so
• 2:55
  much.
• 2:55
  I.
• 2:57
  I
• 2:57
  don't
• 2:57
  think
• 2:58
  we
• 2:58
  understand
• 2:58
  shame.
• 2:59
  I
• 2:59
  mean,
• 2:59
  that's
• 3:00
  the.
• 3:00
  That's
• 3:00
  the
• 3:00
  main
• 3:00
  reason.
• 3:01
  I
• 3:01
  think
• 3:01
  there
• 3:01
  are
• 3:01
  brilliant,
• 3:02
  brilliant
• 3:02
  how
• 3:03
  to
• 3:03
  books
• 3:04
  out
• 3:04
  there
• 3:04
  on
• 3:04
  a
• 3:04
  myriad
• 3:05
  of
• 3:05
  kind
• 3:05
  of
• 3:05
  subjects
• 3:06
  where
• 3:06
  we
• 3:06
  delve
• 3:06
  into
• 3:06
  self
• 3:07
  help
• 3:07
  and
• 3:07
  healing
• 3:08
  and
• 3:08
  wellness
• 3:08
  and
• 3:08
  they're
• 3:08
  great.
• 3:09
  But
• 3:09
  I
• 3:10
  don't
• 3:10
  think
• 3:10
  there's
• 3:10
  been
• 3:11
  anything
• 3:11
  so
• 3:12
  far
• 3:12
  that
• 3:13
  really
• 3:13
  gets
• 3:13
  under
• 3:14
  the
• 3:14
  bonnet
• 3:14
  of
• 3:15
  shame.
• 3:16
  And
• 3:16
  because
• 3:16
  shame
• 3:17
  is
• 3:17
  so
• 3:18
  deeply,
• 3:18
  deeply
• 3:19
  entrenched
• 3:19
  in
• 3:19
  our
• 3:20
  system,
• 3:20
  if
• 3:21
  we're
• 3:21
  not
• 3:21
  working
• 3:22
  with
• 3:22
  shame,
• 3:22
  if
• 3:22
  we're
• 3:23
  not
• 3:23
  able
• 3:24
  to
• 3:24
  get
• 3:24
  a
• 3:24
  hold
• 3:24
  of
• 3:25
  our
• 3:25
  shame
• 3:25
  and
• 3:25
  get
• 3:25
  that
• 3:26
  out
• 3:26
  into
• 3:26
  the
• 3:27
  light,
• 3:27
  I
• 3:28
  think
• 3:28
  the
• 3:28
  other
• 3:28
  things
• 3:28
  become
• 3:28
  more
• 3:29
  of
• 3:29
  a
• 3:29
  band
• 3:29
  aid
• 3:29
  fix
• 3:30
  rather
• 3:30
  than
• 3:30
  really
• 3:31
  addressing
• 3:31
  the
• 3:31
  wound.
• 3:32
  And
• 3:32
  this
• 3:32
  is
• 3:33
  something
• 3:33
  that
• 3:33
  I
• 3:33
  was
• 3:33
  seeing
• 3:34
  in
• 3:34
  my
• 3:34
  private
• 3:34
  practice.
• 3:35
  You
• 3:35
  know,
• 3:35
  I
• 3:35
  work
• 3:35
  with
• 3:35
  Olympians
• 3:36
  and
• 3:37
  celebrities
• 3:38
  from
• 3:38
  LA
• 3:39
  and,
• 3:39
  you
• 3:40
  know,
• 3:40
  also
• 3:40
  beautiful
• 3:41
  human
• 3:41
  souls
• 3:41
  that
• 3:41
  have
• 3:42
  endured
• 3:42
  things
• 3:42
  they
• 3:42
  never
• 3:43
  should
• 3:43
  have
• 3:43
  done.
• 3:43
  And
• 3:44
  there
• 3:44
  was
• 3:45
  a
• 3:45
  unifying
• 3:45
  theme
• 3:46
  that
• 3:46
  when
• 3:46
  I
• 3:46
  was
• 3:47
  kind
• 3:47
  of
• 3:47
  explaining
• 3:47
  things
• 3:48
  like
• 3:48
  the
• 3:48
  foreign
• 3:48
  trauma
• 3:49
  response
• 3:49
  or
• 3:49
  I
• 3:49
  was
• 3:49
  explaining
• 3:50
  where
• 3:50
  they
• 3:50
  were
• 3:51
  holding
• 3:51
  shame
• 3:51
  despite
• 3:52
  things
• 3:52
  having
• 3:52
  been
• 3:53
  done
• 3:53
  to
• 3:53
  them
• 3:54
  and
• 3:54
  where
• 3:55
  that
• 3:55
  holds
• 3:55
  us
• 3:55
  back,
• 3:56
  that
• 3:56
  was
• 3:56
  just
• 3:56
  such
• 3:57
  a
• 3:57
  light
• 3:57
  bulb
• 3:57
  moment.
• 3:58
  And
• 3:58
  it
• 3:58
  was
• 3:58
  really
• 3:58
  creating
• 3:59
  like
• 4:00
  seismic
• 4:01
  shifts
• 4:01
  in
• 4:01
  people's
• 4:02
  lives.
• 4:03
  And
• 4:03
  so
• 4:03
  I
• 4:03
  wanted
• 4:04
  to
• 4:04
  do
• 4:04
  the
• 4:04
  book
• 4:04
  because
• 4:05
  you
• 4:05
  have
• 4:05
  to
• 4:05
  have
• 4:06
  privilege
• 4:06
  to
• 4:06
  have
• 4:07
  a
• 4:07
  session
• 4:07
  with
• 4:07
  me.
• 4:08
  And
• 4:08
  I
• 4:09
  wanted
• 4:09
  to
• 4:09
  try
• 4:09
  and
• 4:09
  make
• 4:09
  this
• 4:09
  really
• 4:10
  accessible.
• 4:10
  And
• 4:10
  in.
• 4:11
  I
• 4:11
  love
• 4:11
  what
• 4:11
  you
• 4:11
  said
• 4:11
  about
• 4:12
  being
• 4:12
  able
• 4:12
  to
• 4:12
  go
• 4:12
  through
• 4:13
  it.
• 4:13
  I
• 4:13
  wanted
• 4:13
  to
• 4:14
  make
• 4:14
  the
• 4:14
  language
• 4:14
  really
• 4:14
  accessible
• 4:15
  as
• 4:15
  well,
• 4:15
  in
• 4:16
  a
• 4:16
  way
• 4:16
  that
• 4:17
  you
• 4:17
  didn't
• 4:17
  feel
• 4:17
  like
• 4:18
  you
• 4:18
  had
• 4:18
  to
• 4:18
  work
• 4:18
  too
• 4:19
  hard
• 4:19
  at
• 4:19
  it.
• 4:19
  I
• 4:19
  think
• 4:20
  you
• 4:20
  have
• 4:20
  an
• 4:20
  experience
• 4:21
  when
• 4:21
  you're
• 4:21
  reading
• 4:21
  the
• 4:21
  book.
• 4:22
  I
• 4:22
  mean,
• 4:22
  you
• 4:22
  know,
• 4:22
  it's
• 4:22
  not
• 4:23
  nice.
• 4:23
  There's
• 4:23
  some
• 4:23
  things
• 4:23
  in
• 4:24
  there
• 4:24
  that
• 4:24
  are
• 4:24
  really
• 4:24
  hard
• 4:25
  to
• 4:25
  read,
• 4:26
  but
• 4:26
  I
• 4:26
  wanted
• 4:26
  almost
• 4:26
  as
• 4:27
  you
• 4:27
  turned
• 4:27
  the
• 4:27
  pages
• 4:28
  that
• 4:28
  you
• 4:28
  could
• 4:28
  kind
• 4:28
  of
• 4:29
  feel
• 4:29
  this
• 4:29
  resonance
• 4:30
  and
• 4:30
  that
• 4:30
  shift
• 4:31
  was
• 4:31
  happening
• 4:31
  for
• 4:31
  you.
• 4:32
  Because
• 4:32
  I
• 4:32
  just
• 4:33
  think
• 4:33
  we're
• 4:33
  so
• 4:33
  goddamn
• 4:34
  overwhelmed
• 4:35
  that,
• 4:35
  you
• 4:36
  know,
• 4:36
  I
• 4:36
  am
• 4:36
  a
• 4:36
  single
• 4:36
  mum
• 4:37
  like
• 4:37
  you
• 4:37
  give
• 4:37
  me
• 4:37
  another
• 4:37
  thing
• 4:38
  to
• 4:38
  do,
• 4:38
  even
• 4:39
  with
• 4:39
  really
• 4:39
  good
• 4:40
  intention,
• 4:40
  I
• 4:41
  can't
• 4:41
  do
• 4:41
  it.
• 4:41
  I'VE
• 4:41
  got
• 4:42
  too
• 4:42
  much
• 4:42
  on.
• 4:43
  So
• 4:43
  I
• 4:43
  wanted
• 4:43
  to
• 4:43
  almost,
• 4:44
  like
• 4:44
  I
• 4:44
  say,
• 4:44
  create
• 4:44
  a
• 4:45
  book
• 4:45
  that
• 4:45
  also
• 4:45
  gave
• 4:46
  you
• 4:46
  an
• 4:46
  experience
• 4:47
  that
• 4:47
  gave
• 4:47
  you
• 4:47
  a
• 4:48
  shift.
• 4:48
  It
• 4:49
  really
• 4:49
  did.
• 4:49
  And,
• 4:50
  you
• 4:50
  know,
• 4:50
  I
• 4:50
  think
• 4:50
  you
• 4:50
  bring
• 4:51
  up
• 4:51
  so
• 4:51
  many
• 4:51
  great
• 4:51
  points
• 4:52
  in
• 4:52
  this
• 4:52
  book.
• 4:52
  And,
• 4:53
  you
• 4:53
  know,
• 4:54
  one
• 4:54
  of
• 4:54
  the
• 4:54
  things
• 4:54
  you
• 4:54
  said
• 4:55
  was
• 4:55
  that
• 4:55
  shame
• 4:56
  thrives
• 4:56
  in
• 4:57
  silence.
• 4:57
  And
• 4:57
  that
• 4:58
  really
• 4:58
  resonated
• 4:58
  because
• 4:59
  I
• 4:59
  think
• 5:00
  we
• 5:00
  as
• 5:00
  women,
• 5:00
  and
• 5:01
  especially
• 5:01
  in
• 5:01
  this
• 5:02
  stage
• 5:02
  of
• 5:02
  life,
• 5:02
  you
• 5:02
  know,
• 5:03
  for
• 5:03
  decades
• 5:03
  we've
• 5:04
  been
• 5:04
  like
• 5:04
  the
• 5:05
  good
• 5:05
  girls
• 5:06
  or
• 5:06
  we're
• 5:06
  supposed
• 5:06
  to
• 5:06
  do
• 5:07
  everything
• 5:07
  right,
• 5:07
  you
• 5:08
  know,
• 5:08
  and
• 5:08
  really
• 5:08
  kind
• 5:09
  of
• 5:09
  hold
• 5:09
  ourselves
• 5:10
  together
• 5:10
  in
• 5:10
  that
• 5:10
  way
• 5:11
  and
• 5:11
  kind
• 5:11
  of,
• 5:12
  you
• 5:12
  know,
• 5:12
  live
• 5:12
  like
• 5:13
  that.
• 5:13
  So
• 5:14
  how
• 5:14
  do
• 5:14
  we
• 5:15
  even
• 5:15
  begin
• 5:16
  to
• 5:17
  identify
• 5:18
  where
• 5:19
  the
• 5:19
  shame
• 5:19
  is
• 5:20
  in
• 5:20
  our
• 5:20
  lives
• 5:20
  and
• 5:21
  that
• 5:21
  we've
• 5:21
  absorbed
• 5:22
  for
• 5:22
  so
• 5:22
  long?
• 5:23
  Yeah.
• 5:23
  Thank
• 5:24
  you.
• 5:24
  I
• 5:24
  think
• 5:26
  shame
• 5:26
  is
• 5:26
  a
• 5:27
  tricky,
• 5:27
  A
• 5:28
  tricky
• 5:28
  thing.
• 5:28
  It's
• 5:29
  this
• 5:29
  insidious
• 5:30
  substance
• 5:30
  that's
• 5:31
  so
• 5:31
  deeply
• 5:31
  entrenched
• 5:32
  and
• 5:32
  it
• 5:32
  is
• 5:32
  actually
• 5:33
  very,
• 5:33
  very
• 5:33
  difficult
• 5:33
  to
• 5:34
  put
• 5:34
  into
• 5:34
  words.
• 5:34
  I
• 5:35
  mean,
• 5:35
  if
• 5:35
  I
• 5:35
  asked
• 5:35
  you
• 5:35
  to
• 5:36
  list
• 5:36
  out
• 5:36
  some
• 5:36
  of
• 5:36
  your
• 5:37
  anxieties,
• 5:37
  we
• 5:38
  could
• 5:38
  do
• 5:38
  that.
• 5:38
  Bang,
• 5:39
  you
• 5:39
  know,
• 5:39
  straight
• 5:39
  away,
• 5:39
  oh,
• 5:40
  this
• 5:40
  is,
• 5:40
  you
• 5:40
  know,
• 5:41
  the
• 5:41
  thoughts
• 5:41
  that
• 5:41
  kind
• 5:41
  of
• 5:41
  churn
• 5:42
  through
• 5:42
  our
• 5:42
  head
• 5:42
  because
• 5:42
  we
• 5:42
  have
• 5:43
  access
• 5:43
  to
• 5:43
  them
• 5:43
  so
• 5:44
  easily.
• 5:44
  Whereas
• 5:45
  shame
• 5:45
  is
• 5:45
  actually
• 5:45
  a
• 5:46
  felt
• 5:46
  sense,
• 5:47
  very
• 5:47
  somatic.
• 5:48
  It's
• 5:48
  deeply
• 5:49
  in
• 5:49
  our
• 5:49
  system.
• 5:50
  So
• 5:50
  it's
• 5:50
  quite
• 5:50
  difficult
• 5:51
  to
• 5:51
  give
• 5:51
  a
• 5:51
  language
• 5:52
  to
• 5:52
  shame
• 5:52
  to
• 5:52
  the
• 5:53
  reason
• 5:53
  I
• 5:53
  wrote
• 5:53
  the
• 5:53
  book
• 5:54
  because
• 5:54
  I
• 5:54
  think
• 5:55
  we've
• 5:55
  got
• 5:55
  language
• 5:55
  around
• 5:56
  it.
• 5:56
  Oh,
• 5:57
  okay.
• 5:57
  I
• 5:58
  didn't
• 5:58
  realize
• 5:58
  it
• 5:58
  was
• 5:58
  shame.
• 5:59
  I
• 5:59
  thought
• 5:59
  I
• 5:59
  was
• 6:00
  anxious
• 6:00
  or
• 6:00
  I
• 6:00
  thought
• 6:00
  it
• 6:01
  was
• 6:01
  guilt
• 6:01
  or
• 6:01
  something
• 6:02
  else.
• 6:02
  So
• 6:03
  shame
• 6:03
  is
• 6:04
  an
• 6:04
  I
• 6:04
  am.
• 6:05
  It
• 6:05
  always
• 6:05
  begins
• 6:06
  with
• 6:06
  an
• 6:06
  I
• 6:06
  am.
• 6:06
  And
• 6:06
  it's
• 6:07
  a
• 6:07
  limiting
• 6:08
  belief.
• 6:08
  I
• 6:09
  was
• 6:09
  just
• 6:09
  a
• 6:09
  beautiful
• 6:10
  is
• 6:10
  nearly
• 6:10
  the
• 6:10
  solstice.
• 6:11
  It
• 6:11
  was
• 6:11
  a
• 6:11
  beautiful
• 6:11
  women's
• 6:12
  circle
• 6:12
  event
• 6:12
  today
• 6:13
  and
• 6:13
  we
• 6:14
  were
• 6:14
  releasing
• 6:14
  things
• 6:15
  that
• 6:15
  no
• 6:15
  longer
• 6:15
  served
• 6:16
  us.
• 6:16
  And
• 6:16
  pretty
• 6:17
  much
• 6:17
  every
• 6:18
  woman
• 6:18
  going
• 6:18
  up
• 6:18
  to
• 6:19
  the.
• 6:19
  The
• 6:19
  fire
• 6:19
  pit
• 6:20
  to
• 6:20
  release
• 6:21
  self
• 6:21
  doubt.
• 6:22
  I'm
• 6:22
  not
• 6:22
  enough.
• 6:24
  Feelings
• 6:24
  of
• 6:24
  worthlessness,
• 6:25
  that
• 6:26
  shame.
• 6:27
  So
• 6:27
  I
• 6:27
  am
• 6:27
  not
• 6:27
  enough.
• 6:28
  I
• 6:29
  am
• 6:29
  unlovable,
• 6:30
  I
• 6:30
  am
• 6:30
  unworthy.
• 6:31
  I
• 6:31
  am
• 6:32
  broken,
• 6:32
  I
• 6:32
  am
• 6:32
  helpless.
• 6:33
  I'm
• 6:33
  hopeless,
• 6:33
  I'm
• 6:34
  weak,
• 6:34
  I'm
• 6:35
  disgusting,
• 6:35
  I
• 6:36
  am
• 6:36
  terrified.
• 6:37
  I'm
• 6:38
  incapable.
• 6:39
  Those
• 6:39
  are
• 6:39
  shame
• 6:40
  statements,
• 6:40
  but
• 6:41
  they
• 6:41
  live
• 6:41
  so
• 6:42
  deeply
• 6:42
  within
• 6:43
  our
• 6:43
  system.
• 6:43
  As
• 6:43
  I
• 6:43
  mentioned,
• 6:44
  always
• 6:44
  this
• 6:44
  like
• 6:44
  guttural
• 6:45
  feeling.
• 6:46
  And
• 6:46
  you
• 6:46
  know
• 6:46
  when
• 6:46
  you're
• 6:47
  experiencing
• 6:47
  shame
• 6:47
  because
• 6:48
  you
• 6:48
  have
• 6:48
  that
• 6:48
  horrible
• 6:50
  sense
• 6:50
  of
• 6:51
  almost
• 6:51
  nausea,
• 6:52
  you
• 6:52
  know,
• 6:52
  if
• 6:53
  I
• 6:53
  am
• 6:53
  feeling
• 6:53
  ashamed,
• 6:54
  like
• 6:55
  we're
• 6:55
  ashamed
• 6:55
  of
• 6:56
  our
• 6:56
  shame,
• 6:56
  if
• 6:56
  I
• 6:56
  feel
• 6:56
  I've
• 6:57
  done
• 6:57
  something
• 6:57
  shameful,
• 6:58
  you
• 6:58
  know,
• 6:59
  if
• 6:59
  you've
• 6:59
  ever
• 6:59
  had
• 6:59
  a
• 6:59
  pet
• 7:00
  and
• 7:00
  they
• 7:00
  have
• 7:01
  a
• 7:01
  little
• 7:01
  accident
• 7:01
  in
• 7:02
  the
• 7:02
  house,
• 7:02
  they
• 7:03
  are.
• 7:03
  You
• 7:03
  can
• 7:03
  see
• 7:03
  that
• 7:04
  they're
• 7:04
  really
• 7:04
  ashamed.
• 7:05
  And
• 7:05
  we
• 7:06
  have
• 7:06
  those
• 7:06
  things,
• 7:06
  you
• 7:06
  know,
• 7:06
  I.
• 7:07
  I
• 7:08
  said
• 7:08
  the
• 7:08
  wrong
• 7:08
  thing
• 7:09
  and
• 7:09
  I
• 7:09
  think
• 7:09
  I
• 7:09
  may
• 7:09
  have
• 7:09
  hurt
• 7:10
  someone's
• 7:10
  feelings.
• 7:10
  I
• 7:11
  took
• 7:11
  up
• 7:12
  too
• 7:12
  much
• 7:12
  space
• 7:12
  in
• 7:13
  that
• 7:13
  boardroom
• 7:13
  meeting
• 7:14
  and
• 7:14
  felt
• 7:14
  that
• 7:14
  my
• 7:15
  colleague
• 7:15
  didn't
• 7:15
  have
• 7:15
  the
• 7:16
  same
• 7:16
  opportunity.
• 7:16
  I
• 7:18
  took
• 7:18
  a
• 7:18
  risk
• 7:18
  and
• 7:19
  wore
• 7:19
  something
• 7:20
  that
• 7:20
  made
• 7:20
  me.
• 7:20
  I
• 7:21
  thought
• 7:21
  was
• 7:21
  really
• 7:22
  great,
• 7:22
  and
• 7:22
  people
• 7:22
  gave
• 7:23
  me
• 7:23
  a
• 7:23
  certain
• 7:23
  look.
• 7:23
  And
• 7:24
  then
• 7:24
  we
• 7:24
  start
• 7:24
  kind
• 7:25
  of
• 7:25
  shrinking,
• 7:25
  as
• 7:26
  you
• 7:26
  mentioned.
• 7:26
  We
• 7:26
  start
• 7:26
  going
• 7:27
  back
• 7:27
  into
• 7:27
  being
• 7:27
  a
• 7:27
  good
• 7:28
  girl,
• 7:28
  we
• 7:28
  start
• 7:29
  dimming
• 7:30
  ourselves,
• 7:31
  and
• 7:32
  we're
• 7:32
  just
• 7:32
  not
• 7:33
  serving
• 7:33
  anyone
• 7:33
  in
• 7:34
  that
• 7:34
  way.
• 7:34
  So
• 7:34
  shame
• 7:35
  is.
• 7:35
  If
• 7:35
  you're
• 7:35
  finding
• 7:36
  yourself
• 7:36
  with
• 7:37
  an
• 7:37
  underlying
• 7:37
  limiting
• 7:38
  belief
• 7:38
  that
• 7:39
  keeps
• 7:39
  coming
• 7:40
  up,
• 7:40
  often
• 7:40
  in
• 7:41
  different
• 7:41
  ways.
• 7:41
  Anxiety
• 7:42
  is
• 7:42
  almost
• 7:42
  your
• 7:42
  surface
• 7:43
  level,
• 7:43
  kind
• 7:43
  of
• 7:44
  indicator
• 7:44
  that
• 7:44
  something
• 7:45
  else
• 7:45
  is
• 7:46
  happening.
• 7:46
  Anxiety,
• 7:47
  a
• 7:47
  good
• 7:48
  definition
• 7:48
  is
• 7:48
  that
• 7:48
  you're
• 7:49
  not
• 7:49
  able
• 7:49
  to
• 7:49
  access
• 7:50
  the
• 7:50
  present
• 7:50
  moment.
• 7:51
  You're
• 7:51
  either
• 7:51
  catastrophizing
• 7:52
  over
• 7:52
  the
• 7:52
  future
• 7:53
  or
• 7:53
  your
• 7:53
  coulda
• 7:54
  woulda
• 7:54
  shouldering,
• 7:54
  which
• 7:55
  is
• 7:55
  a
• 7:55
  bit
• 7:55
  more
• 7:55
  guilt
• 7:56
  based
• 7:56
  over
• 7:56
  things
• 7:57
  you
• 7:57
  may
• 7:57
  have
• 7:57
  done
• 7:57
  in
• 7:57
  the
• 7:57
  past
• 7:58
  and
• 7:58
  you're
• 7:58
  wishing
• 7:58
  to
• 7:58
  have
• 7:58
  done
• 7:59
  it
• 7:59
  differently.
• 7:59
  But
• 8:00
  shame,
• 8:00
  if
• 8:01
  we're
• 8:01
  suffering
• 8:01
  with
• 8:01
  it,
• 8:02
  is
• 8:02
  this
• 8:02
  ever
• 8:02
  present
• 8:03
  sense
• 8:04
  of
• 8:04
  our
• 8:04
  own
• 8:05
  brokenness.
• 8:06
  And
• 8:07
  fundamentally,
• 8:07
  I
• 8:08
  want
• 8:08
  to
• 8:08
  hide
• 8:08
  that.
• 8:08
  I
• 8:08
  want
• 8:09
  to
• 8:09
  do
• 8:09
  anything
• 8:10
  except
• 8:10
  allow
• 8:11
  someone
• 8:11
  to
• 8:11
  see
• 8:11
  my
• 8:11
  shame.
• 8:12
  Because
• 8:12
  if
• 8:12
  you,
• 8:12
  if
• 8:13
  you
• 8:13
  saw
• 8:13
  my
• 8:13
  shame,
• 8:14
  you'd
• 8:14
  surely
• 8:14
  reject
• 8:15
  me,
• 8:15
  you
• 8:15
  know.
• 8:15
  And
• 8:16
  I
• 8:16
  think
• 8:16
  it's
• 8:16
  interesting
• 8:17
  because
• 8:17
  I
• 8:17
  think
• 8:18
  a
• 8:18
  lot
• 8:18
  of
• 8:18
  people
• 8:18
  conflate
• 8:19
  shame
• 8:20
  and
• 8:20
  guilt.
• 8:20
  You
• 8:20
  know,
• 8:20
  they
• 8:21
  kind
• 8:21
  of
• 8:21
  interchange
• 8:22
  the
• 8:22
  two.
• 8:23
  So
• 8:23
  what,
• 8:24
  how
• 8:24
  would
• 8:24
  you
• 8:24
  describe
• 8:25
  guilt
• 8:26
  as
• 8:27
  opposed
• 8:27
  to
• 8:27
  shame?
• 8:28
  And
• 8:28
  is
• 8:28
  guilt
• 8:28
  actually.
• 8:29
  Can
• 8:29
  guilt
• 8:29
  be
• 8:30
  helpful
• 8:30
  in
• 8:30
  life
• 8:31
  at
• 8:31
  times?
• 8:32
  Yeah,
• 8:32
  I
• 8:32
  think
• 8:33
  absolutely,
• 8:33
  yeah.
• 8:33
  So
• 8:34
  guilt
• 8:34
  is
• 8:34
  a
• 8:34
  thing
• 8:35
  that
• 8:35
  I
• 8:35
  did.
• 8:36
  Shame
• 8:36
  is
• 8:36
  a
• 8:36
  thing
• 8:36
  I
• 8:37
  believe
• 8:37
  I
• 8:37
  am.
• 8:38
  So
• 8:38
  I
• 8:38
  give
• 8:38
  the
• 8:38
  example.
• 8:39
  You
• 8:39
  may
• 8:39
  have
• 8:39
  heard
• 8:39
  me
• 8:39
  chatting
• 8:40
  off
• 8:40
  there.
• 8:40
  My
• 8:40
  daughter,
• 8:40
  who's
• 8:41
  just
• 8:41
  turned
• 8:41
  nine,
• 8:42
  was
• 8:42
  coming
• 8:42
  around
• 8:43
  to
• 8:43
  ask
• 8:43
  me
• 8:43
  something
• 8:44
  and,
• 8:45
  you
• 8:45
  know,
• 8:46
  traffic.
• 8:46
  I've
• 8:47
  been
• 8:47
  at
• 8:47
  this
• 8:47
  event
• 8:47
  all
• 8:47
  day.
• 8:48
  It
• 8:48
  was
• 8:48
  a
• 8:48
  little
• 8:48
  bit
• 8:48
  late
• 8:49
  picking
• 8:49
  up
• 8:49
  from
• 8:49
  school.
• 8:50
  You
• 8:50
  know,
• 8:50
  I
• 8:50
  could
• 8:51
  say
• 8:51
  all
• 8:51
  these
• 8:51
  things.
• 8:51
  I
• 8:51
  could
• 8:51
  be
• 8:51
  like,
• 8:52
  oh,
• 8:52
  babe,
• 8:52
  Roxy,
• 8:54
  didn't
• 8:54
  feel
• 8:54
  like
• 8:54
  I
• 8:54
  did
• 8:54
  great
• 8:54
  today,
• 8:55
  should
• 8:55
  have
• 8:55
  left
• 8:55
  more
• 8:55
  time.
• 8:56
  Oh,
• 8:57
  that's
• 8:57
  me
• 8:57
  being
• 8:57
  guilty.
• 8:58
  I
• 8:58
  could
• 8:58
  give
• 8:59
  you
• 8:59
  the
• 8:59
  same
• 8:59
  set
• 8:59
  of
• 9:00
  circumstances
• 9:00
  that
• 9:00
  happened
• 9:01
  today.
• 9:01
  And
• 9:01
  I
• 9:02
  could
• 9:02
  say
• 9:02
  to
• 9:02
  you,
• 9:03
  you
• 9:04
  know,
• 9:04
  why
• 9:04
  didn't
• 9:04
  I
• 9:05
  leave
• 9:05
  more
• 9:05
  time?
• 9:06
  I
• 9:06
  always
• 9:06
  do
• 9:07
  this.
• 9:08
  I
• 9:08
  am
• 9:09
  a
• 9:09
  bad
• 9:09
  mother.
• 9:10
  I'm
• 9:10
  such
• 9:10
  a
• 9:10
  failure.
• 9:11
  That
• 9:12
  is
• 9:12
  shame.
• 9:13
  That's
• 9:13
  the
• 9:13
  difference.
• 9:14
  So
• 9:14
  guilt
• 9:14
  is
• 9:14
  a
• 9:14
  thing
• 9:15
  that
• 9:15
  you
• 9:15
  did.
• 9:15
  And
• 9:16
  absolutely
• 9:16
  to
• 9:16
  your
• 9:16
  point,
• 9:16
  we
• 9:17
  can
• 9:17
  use
• 9:17
  that
• 9:17
  as
• 9:17
  learning.
• 9:17
  You
• 9:18
  know,
• 9:18
  if
• 9:18
  I'm
• 9:18
  using
• 9:18
  today,
• 9:18
  I
• 9:18
  could
• 9:19
  be
• 9:19
  like,
• 9:19
  should
• 9:19
  have
• 9:19
  left
• 9:19
  10
• 9:19
  minutes
• 9:20
  earlier,
• 9:20
  you
• 9:20
  know,
• 9:20
  or
• 9:22
  simple
• 9:22
  things,
• 9:22
  you
• 9:23
  know,
• 9:23
  actually
• 9:23
  didn't
• 9:23
  feel
• 9:23
  good
• 9:24
  when
• 9:24
  I.
• 9:24
  I
• 9:25
  said
• 9:25
  that
• 9:25
  thing
• 9:25
  or
• 9:26
  that.
• 9:26
  Or
• 9:26
  actually
• 9:26
  I
• 9:27
  didn't
• 9:27
  feel
• 9:27
  good
• 9:27
  when
• 9:27
  I
• 9:28
  didn't
• 9:29
  express
• 9:30
  myself
• 9:30
  fully,
• 9:30
  unapologetically.
• 9:31
  I.
• 9:32
  That
• 9:32
  didn't
• 9:32
  make
• 9:32
  me
• 9:32
  feel
• 9:33
  great
• 9:33
  or.
• 9:33
  I
• 9:33
  mean,
• 9:34
  you
• 9:34
  know,
• 9:34
  it's
• 9:34
  a
• 9:34
  good
• 9:35
  indicator
• 9:35
  as
• 9:35
  well,
• 9:35
  around
• 9:36
  sometimes
• 9:37
  situations
• 9:38
  we
• 9:38
  put
• 9:38
  ourselves
• 9:39
  in,
• 9:39
  maybe
• 9:39
  some
• 9:39
  toxic
• 9:40
  friendship
• 9:40
  set
• 9:41
  up
• 9:41
  so
• 9:41
  we
• 9:41
  might
• 9:41
  get
• 9:41
  into
• 9:42
  that
• 9:42
  later.
• 9:42
  But
• 9:43
  the.
• 9:43
  The
• 9:44
  shame
• 9:44
  is
• 9:44
  an
• 9:45
  entirely
• 9:45
  different
• 9:46
  beast.
• 9:46
  It
• 9:46
  really
• 9:46
  is.
• 9:47
  It's
• 9:47
  something
• 9:47
  that
• 9:47
  you
• 9:48
  believe
• 9:48
  yourself
• 9:49
  to
• 9:49
  be
• 9:49
  and
• 9:50
  you
• 9:50
  fundamentally
• 9:51
  believe
• 9:51
  yourself
• 9:52
  to
• 9:52
  be
• 9:52
  broken.
• 9:54
  Okay,
• 9:54
  I
• 9:54
  see.
• 9:55
  You
• 9:56
  know,
• 9:56
  as
• 9:56
  far
• 9:56
  as
• 9:57
  women,
• 9:57
  also
• 9:58
  in
• 9:58
  this
• 9:58
  stage
• 9:59
  of
• 9:59
  life,
• 9:59
  I
• 9:59
  know
• 9:59
  I
• 9:59
  feel
• 10:00
  a
• 10:00
  lot
• 10:00
  of
• 10:01
  people
• 10:01
  and
• 10:01
  even
• 10:01
  myself
• 10:02
  at
• 10:02
  times.
• 10:02
  You
• 10:02
  know,
• 10:02
  there's
• 10:03
  like
• 10:03
  this
• 10:03
  invisibility
• 10:04
  factor.
• 10:04
  You
• 10:04
  kind
• 10:04
  of
• 10:05
  feel
• 10:05
  invisible,
• 10:06
  you
• 10:06
  know,
• 10:06
  Whereas
• 10:07
  in
• 10:07
  your
• 10:07
  20s
• 10:07
  and
• 10:07
  30s,
• 10:08
  maybe
• 10:08
  you
• 10:08
  felt
• 10:08
  a
• 10:09
  little
• 10:09
  more
• 10:09
  vibrant
• 10:09
  and
• 10:10
  seen
• 10:10
  by
• 10:10
  people
• 10:11
  and.
• 10:11
  And
• 10:12
  heard.
• 10:12
  And
• 10:12
  there's
• 10:12
  this
• 10:13
  like,
• 10:13
  invisibility
• 10:14
  that
• 10:14
  kind
• 10:14
  of
• 10:14
  happens
• 10:15
  during
• 10:16
  midlife.
• 10:16
  And
• 10:17
  I'm
• 10:17
  wondering,
• 10:17
  is
• 10:18
  that
• 10:18
  tied
• 10:18
  to
• 10:19
  shame
• 10:19
  as
• 10:20
  well,
• 10:20
  or
• 10:21
  is
• 10:21
  that
• 10:21
  something
• 10:21
  kind
• 10:22
  deeper
• 10:23
  than
• 10:23
  that?
• 10:24
  I
• 10:24
  think
• 10:25
  it
• 10:25
  can
• 10:25
  be.
• 10:25
  I
• 10:26
  think
• 10:26
  because
• 10:26
  you
• 10:26
  may
• 10:27
  have.
• 10:27
  Certainly
• 10:28
  for
• 10:28
  myself,
• 10:28
  I
• 10:29
  can
• 10:29
  give
• 10:29
  the
• 10:29
  example.
• 10:29
  So
• 10:30
  I
• 10:30
  turn
• 10:30
  44
• 10:30
  next
• 10:31
  month,
• 10:31
  and
• 10:32
  I
• 10:32
  really
• 10:33
  believe
• 10:33
  that
• 10:33
  I've
• 10:34
  had
• 10:34
  two
• 10:34
  lives.
• 10:34
  It
• 10:35
  feels
• 10:35
  so
• 10:35
  distinct
• 10:36
  to
• 10:36
  me.
• 10:37
  And
• 10:37
  the
• 10:37
  first
• 10:38
  part,
• 10:38
  my
• 10:39
  first
• 10:39
  life,
• 10:39
  was
• 10:39
  very
• 10:40
  shameful.
• 10:40
  And
• 10:41
  by
• 10:41
  that
• 10:41
  I
• 10:41
  mean
• 10:41
  I
• 10:41
  was
• 10:42
  so
• 10:42
  full
• 10:42
  of
• 10:43
  shame
• 10:43
  that
• 10:44
  what
• 10:44
  I
• 10:44
  did.
• 10:45
  I
• 10:45
  believed
• 10:45
  myself
• 10:46
  to
• 10:46
  be
• 10:46
  bad.
• 10:46
  I
• 10:46
  had
• 10:46
  a
• 10:47
  very
• 10:47
  violent
• 10:47
  childhood.
• 10:48
  I
• 10:48
  know
• 10:48
  you've
• 10:48
  read
• 10:48
  this,
• 10:48
  but
• 10:48
  for
• 10:49
  the
• 10:49
  listeners,
• 10:49
  I
• 10:49
  had
• 10:49
  a
• 10:49
  very
• 10:49
  violent
• 10:50
  childhood.
• 10:50
  My
• 10:51
  father
• 10:51
  was
• 10:51
  violent,
• 10:52
  and
• 10:52
  my
• 10:52
  mother
• 10:53
  colluded
• 10:53
  and
• 10:54
  backed
• 10:54
  him
• 10:54
  up
• 10:54
  and
• 10:55
  told
• 10:55
  me
• 10:55
  that
• 10:55
  I
• 10:55
  was
• 10:55
  wrong.
• 10:56
  So
• 10:56
  I
• 10:56
  had
• 10:56
  no
• 10:56
  safe
• 10:57
  person
• 10:57
  in
• 10:57
  the
• 10:58
  house.
• 10:58
  So
• 10:58
  I
• 10:59
  internalized
• 10:59
  that
• 11:00
  belief.
• 11:00
  Well,
• 11:00
  I
• 11:00
  must
• 11:01
  be
• 11:01
  so
• 11:01
  bad
• 11:02
  because
• 11:02
  these
• 11:02
  two
• 11:02
  people
• 11:03
  put
• 11:03
  on
• 11:03
  the
• 11:03
  earth
• 11:03
  to
• 11:03
  love
• 11:04
  me.
• 11:04
  I
• 11:04
  must
• 11:04
  be
• 11:04
  so
• 11:05
  appalling
• 11:06
  that
• 11:06
  they
• 11:07
  have
• 11:07
  no
• 11:07
  choice.
• 11:08
  They
• 11:08
  would
• 11:08
  also
• 11:09
  tell
• 11:09
  me
• 11:09
  that
• 11:09
  it
• 11:09
  was
• 11:09
  my.
• 11:10
  My
• 11:10
  fault.
• 11:10
  I
• 11:10
  made
• 11:10
  them
• 11:11
  do
• 11:11
  it,
• 11:12
  you
• 11:12
  know,
• 11:12
  they
• 11:12
  had
• 11:12
  no
• 11:12
  choice
• 11:13
  but
• 11:13
  to
• 11:14
  punish
• 11:14
  me
• 11:14
  in
• 11:15
  such
• 11:15
  a
• 11:15
  way.
• 11:15
  So
• 11:16
  I
• 11:16
  must
• 11:16
  be
• 11:16
  so
• 11:17
  awful
• 11:18
  and
• 11:18
  bad
• 11:18
  and
• 11:19
  disgusting.
• 11:19
  So
• 11:19
  I
• 11:20
  am
• 11:20
  bad,
• 11:20
  which
• 11:20
  was
• 11:21
  my
• 11:21
  underlying
• 11:21
  limiting
• 11:22
  belief,
• 11:22
  was
• 11:22
  born
• 11:22
  then
• 11:23
  really
• 11:23
  young,
• 11:24
  and
• 11:25
  that
• 11:25
  taking
• 11:25
  that
• 11:26
  through
• 11:26
  my
• 11:26
  life,
• 11:27
  I'm
• 11:27
  desperate
• 11:28
  then
• 11:28
  for
• 11:28
  friends.
• 11:29
  I
• 11:29
  desperately
• 11:30
  want
• 11:30
  to
• 11:30
  have
• 11:30
  friends
• 11:30
  because
• 11:31
  I
• 11:31
  don't
• 11:32
  have
• 11:32
  a
• 11:32
  good
• 11:32
  relationship
• 11:32
  with
• 11:33
  my
• 11:33
  family
• 11:33
  at
• 11:33
  home.
• 11:34
  And
• 11:34
  so
• 11:34
  I'm
• 11:35
  not
• 11:35
  standing
• 11:35
  up
• 11:35
  for
• 11:35
  myself.
• 11:36
  I'm
• 11:36
  accepting
• 11:37
  scraps
• 11:37
  in
• 11:37
  some
• 11:38
  situations
• 11:38
  don't
• 11:38
  grow.
• 11:38
  I've
• 11:39
  had
• 11:39
  some
• 11:39
  nice
• 11:39
  friendships,
• 11:40
  but
• 11:40
  not
• 11:40
  always.
• 11:40
  And
• 11:41
  I
• 11:41
  wouldn't
• 11:41
  be
• 11:41
  asserting
• 11:42
  myself.
• 11:42
  I
• 11:42
  wouldn't
• 11:43
  be
• 11:43
  Saying,
• 11:44
  actually
• 11:44
  I
• 11:44
  do
• 11:44
  mind
• 11:45
  about
• 11:45
  that,
• 11:45
  or,
• 11:46
  you
• 11:46
  know,
• 11:46
  and
• 11:46
  then
• 11:47
  going
• 11:47
  into
• 11:47
  relationships,
• 11:48
  you
• 11:48
  can
• 11:49
  imagine
• 11:49
  the
• 11:49
  kind
• 11:49
  of
• 11:49
  relationships
• 11:50
  and
• 11:50
  things
• 11:50
  that
• 11:50
  I.
• 11:51
  We
• 11:51
  can
• 11:51
  call
• 11:51
  it
• 11:52
  tolerated.
• 11:52
  But
• 11:53
  let's
• 11:53
  be
• 11:53
  honest,
• 11:53
  things
• 11:53
  I
• 11:54
  thought
• 11:54
  I
• 11:54
  deserved
• 11:55
  because
• 11:55
  I
• 11:56
  fundamentally
• 11:56
  believed
• 11:57
  myself
• 11:57
  to
• 11:57
  be
• 11:57
  a
• 11:57
  bad
• 11:57
  person.
• 11:58
  And
• 11:58
  then
• 11:59
  for
• 11:59
  myself,
• 11:59
  the
• 11:59
  other
• 11:59
  layer
• 12:00
  on
• 12:00
  was
• 12:01
  this
• 12:01
  necessity
• 12:02
  to
• 12:02
  try
• 12:02
  and
• 12:03
  hide
• 12:03
  my
• 12:04
  shame.
• 12:04
  So
• 12:05
  I
• 12:05
  just
• 12:05
  became
• 12:06
  really
• 12:06
  perfect.
• 12:07
  Like
• 12:08
  I.
• 12:09
  To
• 12:09
  the
• 12:09
  point
• 12:09
  of
• 12:09
  burnout,
• 12:10
  which
• 12:10
  I
• 12:10
  think
• 12:10
  again,
• 12:11
  a
• 12:11
  lot
• 12:11
  of
• 12:11
  women
• 12:11
  can
• 12:11
  resonate
• 12:12
  with.
• 12:12
  You
• 12:12
  know,
• 12:12
  I
• 12:12
  feel
• 12:13
  ashamed
• 12:13
  of
• 12:13
  my
• 12:14
  shame.
• 12:14
  I
• 12:14
  don't
• 12:15
  want
• 12:15
  anyone
• 12:15
  to
• 12:15
  see
• 12:15
  it
• 12:15
  because
• 12:15
  if
• 12:16
  they
• 12:16
  do,
• 12:16
  they'll
• 12:16
  reject
• 12:16
  me.
• 12:16
  They
• 12:17
  won't
• 12:17
  want
• 12:17
  to
• 12:17
  know
• 12:17
  me
• 12:17
  if
• 12:18
  they
• 12:18
  knew
• 12:18
  what
• 12:18
  I
• 12:18
  was
• 12:18
  really
• 12:19
  like.
• 12:19
  If
• 12:20
  you
• 12:20
  knew
• 12:20
  what
• 12:20
  I
• 12:20
  was
• 12:20
  really
• 12:21
  like.
• 12:21
  I'm
• 12:21
  not
• 12:21
  a
• 12:21
  good
• 12:21
  girl.
• 12:22
  I
• 12:23
  know.
• 12:23
  I
• 12:23
  think
• 12:23
  in
• 12:23
  different
• 12:24
  ways.
• 12:24
  I
• 12:24
  look
• 12:24
  at
• 12:24
  what
• 12:25
  everyone
• 12:25
  else
• 12:25
  is
• 12:25
  doing
• 12:25
  and
• 12:25
  I
• 12:25
  don't
• 12:26
  feel
• 12:26
  like
• 12:26
  that
• 12:26
  inside.
• 12:27
  Things
• 12:28
  have
• 12:28
  happened
• 12:28
  to
• 12:28
  me
• 12:28
  that
• 12:28
  I
• 12:29
  think
• 12:29
  you'll
• 12:29
  judge
• 12:29
  me
• 12:30
  for.
• 12:30
  So
• 12:30
  what
• 12:31
  I'll
• 12:31
  do
• 12:31
  instead
• 12:31
  is
• 12:31
  I'll
• 12:32
  mask
• 12:32
  and
• 12:33
  I'll
• 12:33
  be
• 12:33
  really,
• 12:33
  really
• 12:34
  perfect.
• 12:34
  And
• 12:35
  so
• 12:35
  there's
• 12:35
  never
• 12:36
  an
• 12:36
  opportunity
• 12:36
  like
• 12:36
  I'm
• 12:37
  spinning
• 12:37
  all
• 12:37
  the
• 12:37
  plates
• 12:37
  so
• 12:38
  fast.
• 12:38
  I'll
• 12:38
  be
• 12:38
  the
• 12:38
  perfect
• 12:38
  hostess,
• 12:39
  I'll
• 12:40
  be
• 12:40
  the
• 12:40
  perfect
• 12:40
  girlfriend.
• 12:41
  I'll
• 12:41
  be,
• 12:42
  you
• 12:42
  know,
• 12:42
  perfect
• 12:43
  employee.
• 12:44
  I'll
• 12:44
  do
• 12:44
  that.
• 12:44
  I'll
• 12:45
  say,
• 12:45
  yes,
• 12:45
  let
• 12:45
  me
• 12:46
  help
• 12:46
  you.
• 12:46
  Let
• 12:47
  me
• 12:47
  put
• 12:47
  your
• 12:47
  needs
• 12:47
  above
• 12:48
  my
• 12:48
  own.
• 12:49
  Which
• 12:49
  fundamentally
• 12:49
  for
• 12:50
  myself
• 12:50
  led
• 12:50
  to
• 12:50
  a
• 12:50
  burnout.
• 12:51
  But
• 12:51
  that
• 12:51
  was
• 12:51
  my
• 12:51
  shameful
• 12:53
  life.
• 12:53
  And
• 12:54
  then
• 12:55
  for
• 12:55
  me,
• 12:55
  on
• 12:56
  the
• 12:56
  other
• 12:56
  side
• 12:56
  of
• 12:56
  doing
• 12:56
  the
• 12:57
  work
• 12:57
  around
• 12:57
  shame
• 12:57
  and
• 12:58
  having
• 12:58
  that
• 12:58
  completely
• 12:59
  out
• 12:59
  of
• 13:00
  my
• 13:00
  system,
• 13:01
  which,
• 13:01
  spoiler
• 13:02
  alert,
• 13:02
  there
• 13:02
  is
• 13:02
  a
• 13:02
  cure
• 13:02
  for
• 13:03
  shame,
• 13:03
  everyone,
• 13:03
  and
• 13:03
  it's
• 13:04
  self
• 13:04
  compassion.
• 13:05
  How
• 13:06
  we
• 13:06
  get
• 13:06
  there
• 13:06
  is
• 13:06
  a
• 13:06
  bit
• 13:06
  more
• 13:06
  challenging.
• 13:07
  But
• 13:07
  when
• 13:08
  I
• 13:08
  had
• 13:08
  found
• 13:09
  my
• 13:09
  way
• 13:09
  to
• 13:09
  that
• 13:10
  deep
• 13:10
  self
• 13:10
  compassion
• 13:11
  rather
• 13:11
  than
• 13:12
  self
• 13:12
  criticism,
• 13:13
  and
• 13:13
  that
• 13:14
  took
• 13:14
  over
• 13:14
  my
• 13:14
  system
• 13:14
  instead
• 13:15
  of.
• 13:16
  And
• 13:16
  I
• 13:16
  did
• 13:16
  become
• 13:17
  unapologetic,
• 13:18
  hence
• 13:18
  the
• 13:18
  name
• 13:19
  of
• 13:19
  the
• 13:19
  book.
• 13:19
  But
• 13:19
  the
• 13:19
  other
• 13:19
  thing
• 13:19
  that
• 13:20
  I
• 13:20
  am
• 13:20
  is
• 13:20
  utterly,
• 13:21
  utterly
• 13:22
  shameless.
• 13:23
  And
• 13:23
  there's
• 13:23
  a
• 13:23
  British
• 13:24
  English
• 13:24
  saying
• 13:24
  which
• 13:25
  I
• 13:25
  think
• 13:25
  is
• 13:25
  American
• 13:26
  as
• 13:26
  well,
• 13:26
  which
• 13:26
  is,
• 13:27
  have
• 13:28
  you
• 13:28
  no
• 13:28
  shame?
• 13:28
  You
• 13:29
  know,
• 13:29
  have
• 13:29
  you
• 13:29
  no
• 13:30
  shame?
• 13:30
  And
• 13:30
  it's
• 13:31
  like,
• 13:31
  you
• 13:31
  know
• 13:31
  what,
• 13:31
  babe?
• 13:31
  No,
• 13:32
  I
• 13:32
  don't.
• 13:32
  And
• 13:33
  like,
• 13:33
  it's
• 13:34
  the
• 13:34
  most
• 13:34
  liberating
• 13:35
  thing
• 13:35
  I
• 13:35
  can't
• 13:35
  begin
• 13:36
  to
• 13:36
  tell
• 13:36
  you.
• 13:36
  I
• 13:36
  feel.
• 13:37
  I
• 13:37
  feel
• 13:37
  borderline
• 13:38
  unhinged
• 13:38
  because
• 13:39
  it's
• 13:39
  just
• 13:39
  so
• 13:40
  light.
• 13:41
  There's
• 13:41
  so
• 13:41
  much
• 13:42
  freedom
• 13:42
  in
• 13:42
  my
• 13:42
  life
• 13:43
  now
• 13:43
  compared
• 13:43
  to
• 13:43
  this
• 13:44
  relentless
• 13:45
  pursuit
• 13:46
  of
• 13:46
  perfectionism.
• 13:46
  As
• 13:47
  I
• 13:47
  say,
• 13:48
  to
• 13:48
  hide
• 13:48
  myself.
• 13:49
  That's
• 13:49
  what
• 13:49
  I
• 13:49
  was
• 13:50
  doing.
• 13:50
  That's
• 13:50
  what
• 13:50
  Shane
• 13:51
  did
• 13:51
  to
• 13:51
  me.
• 13:52
  And
• 13:52
  so
• 13:52
  I
• 13:52
  think
• 13:52
  with
• 13:53
  women,
• 13:53
  we
• 13:54
  are
• 13:54
  so
• 13:55
  Conditioned
• 13:56
  to
• 13:57
  be
• 13:57
  a
• 13:58
  boss,
• 13:58
  do
• 13:58
  these
• 13:58
  things,
• 13:59
  but
• 13:59
  don't
• 13:59
  take
• 13:59
  from
• 14:00
  someone
• 14:00
  else.
• 14:00
  Like,
• 14:00
  for
• 14:01
  heaven's
• 14:01
  sake,
• 14:01
  don't
• 14:01
  be
• 14:02
  too
• 14:02
  much.
• 14:02
  But
• 14:02
  no
• 14:03
  one
• 14:03
  ever
• 14:03
  told
• 14:03
  us
• 14:03
  what
• 14:03
  too
• 14:04
  much
• 14:04
  was.
• 14:04
  So
• 14:04
  we
• 14:04
  fly
• 14:05
  close
• 14:05
  to
• 14:05
  the
• 14:05
  sun
• 14:05
  like
• 14:05
  Icarus,
• 14:06
  and
• 14:06
  then
• 14:06
  we
• 14:06
  go,
• 14:06
  oh,
• 14:07
  I
• 14:07
  think
• 14:07
  I'm
• 14:07
  maybe
• 14:08
  too
• 14:08
  much
• 14:08
  here,
• 14:08
  so
• 14:09
  I
• 14:09
  better
• 14:09
  dull
• 14:09
  down
• 14:09
  a
• 14:09
  bit.
• 14:10
  You
• 14:10
  know,
• 14:10
  you,
• 14:10
  you,
• 14:10
  you've
• 14:11
  got
• 14:11
  some
• 14:11
  good
• 14:11
  news,
• 14:12
  but,
• 14:12
  you
• 14:12
  know,
• 14:13
  your
• 14:13
  friend's
• 14:13
  having
• 14:13
  a
• 14:13
  tough
• 14:14
  time
• 14:14
  or
• 14:15
  you're
• 14:15
  at
• 14:15
  a
• 14:15
  dinner
• 14:15
  table
• 14:16
  and
• 14:16
  someone
• 14:16
  doesn't
• 14:16
  cheer
• 14:17
  for
• 14:17
  you,
• 14:17
  and
• 14:18
  we
• 14:18
  then
• 14:18
  just
• 14:19
  would
• 14:19
  just
• 14:19
  suck
• 14:19
  it
• 14:20
  all
• 14:20
  back
• 14:20
  in
• 14:20
  again
• 14:20
  and
• 14:20
  just
• 14:21
  be
• 14:21
  pretty
• 14:21
  and
• 14:21
  polite
• 14:21
  and
• 14:22
  color
• 14:22
  within
• 14:22
  the
• 14:22
  lines
• 14:23
  because
• 14:23
  that's
• 14:23
  safe
• 14:24
  for
• 14:24
  us.
• 14:25
  And
• 14:25
  this
• 14:26
  is,
• 14:26
  for
• 14:26
  me,
• 14:26
  the
• 14:27
  kind
• 14:27
  of
• 14:27
  work
• 14:27
  that
• 14:27
  I
• 14:27
  had
• 14:28
  to
• 14:28
  really
• 14:29
  unpick
• 14:30
  at
• 14:30
  a
• 14:30
  very
• 14:30
  deep
• 14:30
  level.
• 14:31
  And
• 14:31
  that's
• 14:31
  what
• 14:31
  I've
• 14:32
  put
• 14:32
  in
• 14:32
  the
• 14:32
  book.
• 14:33
  That's
• 14:33
  such
• 14:33
  a
• 14:34
  good
• 14:34
  point.
• 14:34
  And
• 14:34
  I
• 14:35
  also
• 14:35
  love
• 14:35
  that
• 14:36
  you
• 14:36
  brought
• 14:36
  up
• 14:36
  the,
• 14:37
  the
• 14:37
  idea
• 14:38
  that
• 14:38
  women
• 14:38
  as
• 14:39
  caretakers,
• 14:39
  right?
• 14:40
  So
• 14:40
  we're
• 14:41
  caretaking
• 14:41
  families,
• 14:42
  we're
• 14:42
  caretaking
• 14:43
  in
• 14:43
  our
• 14:43
  careers.
• 14:43
  You
• 14:44
  know,
• 14:45
  it
• 14:45
  seems
• 14:45
  like
• 14:45
  we're
• 14:45
  caretaking
• 14:46
  everything
• 14:47
  and
• 14:47
  everyone
• 14:47
  except
• 14:48
  ourselves.
• 14:49
  And,
• 14:50
  and
• 14:50
  part
• 14:51
  of
• 14:51
  it,
• 14:51
  you
• 14:51
  know,
• 14:51
  I
• 14:51
  think
• 14:51
  it
• 14:51
  kind
• 14:51
  of
• 14:52
  goes
• 14:52
  hand
• 14:52
  in
• 14:52
  hand
• 14:52
  with
• 14:52
  some
• 14:53
  people
• 14:53
  pleasing
• 14:54
  and
• 14:54
  it.
• 14:55
  I
• 14:55
  wonder
• 14:55
  how
• 14:56
  much
• 14:56
  people
• 14:56
  pleasing,
• 14:57
  how
• 14:57
  much
• 14:58
  that
• 14:58
  keeps
• 14:59
  us
• 14:59
  in
• 14:59
  a
• 14:59
  state
• 15:00
  of
• 15:00
  shame,
• 15:01
  you
• 15:01
  know,
• 15:01
  like
• 15:02
  that
• 15:02
  we're
• 15:02
  sort
• 15:02
  of
• 15:03
  in
• 15:03
  this
• 15:04
  kind
• 15:04
  of
• 15:04
  cycle.
• 15:04
  What
• 15:05
  do
• 15:05
  you
• 15:05
  think
• 15:05
  about
• 15:06
  that?
• 15:07
  There
• 15:07
  were
• 15:07
  very
• 15:08
  few
• 15:09
  people
• 15:10
  that
• 15:10
  I
• 15:10
  have
• 15:10
  met
• 15:11
  when,
• 15:11
  if
• 15:11
  we
• 15:12
  start
• 15:12
  working
• 15:12
  together
• 15:13
  who
• 15:13
  believe
• 15:14
  they're
• 15:14
  worthy
• 15:14
  of
• 15:15
  unconditional
• 15:15
  love
• 15:16
  exactly
• 15:16
  as
• 15:17
  they
• 15:17
  are.
• 15:17
  Not
• 15:18
  when
• 15:18
  you've
• 15:18
  cleaned
• 15:18
  the
• 15:19
  house,
• 15:19
  had
• 15:19
  a
• 15:20
  wax,
• 15:21
  got
• 15:21
  the
• 15:22
  drop,
• 15:22
  that
• 15:22
  last
• 15:22
  ten
• 15:23
  pounds.
• 15:23
  Sign
• 15:24
  that
• 15:24
  business
• 15:24
  deal.
• 15:25
  There's
• 15:25
  always
• 15:26
  a
• 15:26
  but
• 15:27
  I
• 15:27
  need
• 15:27
  to
• 15:27
  be
• 15:27
  more
• 15:28
  or
• 15:28
  I
• 15:28
  need
• 15:28
  to
• 15:28
  do
• 15:29
  more
• 15:29
  to
• 15:29
  deserve
• 15:30
  love.
• 15:30
  And
• 15:30
  I
• 15:30
  do
• 15:30
  think
• 15:31
  that
• 15:31
  comes
• 15:31
  from
• 15:31
  good
• 15:32
  girling
• 15:32
  early,
• 15:32
  you
• 15:33
  know,
• 15:33
  you
• 15:33
  tidied
• 15:33
  your
• 15:34
  room.
• 15:34
  What
• 15:34
  a
• 15:34
  good
• 15:34
  girl.
• 15:35
  Oh,
• 15:35
  you
• 15:35
  did
• 15:35
  so
• 15:35
  well
• 15:36
  at
• 15:36
  school.
• 15:36
  What
• 15:36
  a
• 15:36
  good
• 15:37
  girl.
• 15:37
  You
• 15:37
  know,
• 15:38
  I
• 15:38
  do
• 15:38
  think
• 15:38
  that.
• 15:38
  I
• 15:38
  know
• 15:39
  that
• 15:39
  men
• 15:39
  have
• 15:39
  it
• 15:39
  as
• 15:39
  well,
• 15:39
  but
• 15:40
  we're
• 15:40
  just
• 15:40
  specifically
• 15:41
  speaking
• 15:41
  about
• 15:41
  women
• 15:42
  and
• 15:42
  the
• 15:42
  caregiving
• 15:43
  and
• 15:43
  the,
• 15:43
  you
• 15:44
  know,
• 15:44
  like
• 15:44
  I
• 15:44
  say,
• 15:44
  coloring
• 15:45
  within
• 15:45
  the
• 15:45
  lines,
• 15:45
  not
• 15:46
  making
• 15:46
  a
• 15:46
  mess.
• 15:46
  Our
• 15:47
  emotions
• 15:47
  are
• 15:47
  untidy.
• 15:48
  The
• 15:48
  reason
• 15:48
  my
• 15:48
  book
• 15:48
  is
• 15:48
  called
• 15:49
  Unapologetic
• 15:49
  is
• 15:50
  the
• 15:50
  first
• 15:50
  moment.
• 15:51
  It
• 15:51
  is
• 15:51
  about
• 15:52
  people
• 15:52
  pleasing
• 15:52
  and
• 15:52
  not
• 15:53
  saying
• 15:53
  sorry
• 15:53
  for
• 15:53
  being
• 15:53
  ourselves.
• 15:54
  But
• 15:54
  the
• 15:54
  moment
• 15:55
  that
• 15:55
  we
• 15:56
  become
• 15:56
  emotional,
• 15:57
  the
• 15:57
  moment
• 15:57
  the
• 15:57
  mask
• 15:58
  breaks
• 15:59
  for
• 15:59
  any
• 16:00
  reason,
• 16:00
  grief,
• 16:01
  anything,
• 16:01
  the
• 16:02
  first
• 16:02
  word
• 16:02
  out
• 16:03
  of
• 16:03
  someone's
• 16:03
  mouth
• 16:03
  as
• 16:04
  a
• 16:04
  tear
• 16:04
  drops
• 16:04
  is
• 16:05
  sorry.
• 16:06
  And
• 16:06
  I
• 16:06
  really
• 16:07
  want
• 16:07
  to
• 16:07
  take
• 16:07
  a
• 16:08
  stand
• 16:08
  for,
• 16:09
  you
• 16:09
  know,
• 16:10
  why
• 16:10
  is
• 16:10
  it
• 16:10
  that
• 16:10
  when
• 16:11
  we
• 16:11
  cry,
• 16:12
  the
• 16:12
  most
• 16:12
  natural
• 16:13
  stress
• 16:14
  relief,
• 16:14
  when
• 16:14
  my
• 16:15
  daughter
• 16:15
  cries,
• 16:15
  I'm
• 16:15
  like,
• 16:15
  it's
• 16:16
  really
• 16:16
  smart,
• 16:16
  honey.
• 16:16
  You're
• 16:16
  letting
• 16:17
  stress
• 16:17
  out
• 16:18
  rather
• 16:18
  than
• 16:18
  stuffing
• 16:18
  it
• 16:19
  deep
• 16:19
  down
• 16:19
  into
• 16:19
  your
• 16:19
  system
• 16:19
  that
• 16:20
  we'll
• 16:20
  have
• 16:20
  to
• 16:20
  deal
• 16:20
  with
• 16:20
  10,000
• 16:21
  years
• 16:21
  later,
• 16:21
  you
• 16:22
  know,
• 16:22
  and
• 16:22
  it
• 16:22
  be.
• 16:22
  It
• 16:22
  come
• 16:22
  out
• 16:22
  as
• 16:23
  something
• 16:23
  else.
• 16:23
  But
• 16:24
  if
• 16:24
  we
• 16:24
  get
• 16:24
  upset,
• 16:25
  if
• 16:25
  I'm
• 16:25
  in
• 16:25
  a
• 16:25
  group
• 16:25
  of
• 16:26
  people,
• 16:26
  even
• 16:26
  in.
• 16:26
  In
• 16:27
  work
• 16:27
  that
• 16:27
  I
• 16:27
  do,
• 16:28
  people
• 16:28
  will
• 16:28
  say
• 16:28
  sorry
• 16:29
  the
• 16:29
  second
• 16:29
  they
• 16:30
  become
• 16:30
  emotional.
• 16:31
  Because
• 16:31
  I
• 16:31
  think
• 16:31
  we've
• 16:32
  been
• 16:32
  conditioned
• 16:32
  to
• 16:32
  think
• 16:32
  that
• 16:32
  our
• 16:33
  emotions
• 16:33
  are
• 16:33
  messy
• 16:34
  and
• 16:34
  untidy
• 16:35
  and.
• 16:36
  Or
• 16:36
  I
• 16:36
  don't
• 16:36
  want
• 16:36
  to
• 16:36
  trouble
• 16:37
  do
• 16:37
  by
• 16:38
  me
• 16:38
  being
• 16:38
  a
• 16:38
  mess.
• 16:39
  You
• 16:39
  know,
• 16:39
  it's
• 16:39
  literally,
• 16:40
  I'm
• 16:40
  such
• 16:40
  a
• 16:40
  mess
• 16:41
  when
• 16:41
  we're
• 16:41
  crying.
• 16:42
  And
• 16:42
  it's
• 16:42
  the
• 16:42
  most
• 16:43
  beautiful
• 16:44
  thing
• 16:44
  to
• 16:44
  witness
• 16:44
  if
• 16:44
  someone's
• 16:45
  able
• 16:45
  to
• 16:45
  become
• 16:45
  vulnerable
• 16:46
  enough
• 16:46
  and
• 16:46
  feel
• 16:47
  safe
• 16:47
  enough
• 16:47
  or
• 16:47
  simply
• 16:48
  they
• 16:48
  can't
• 16:49
  maintain
• 16:49
  the
• 16:49
  act
• 16:49
  any
• 16:50
  longer
• 16:50
  because
• 16:50
  clearly
• 16:51
  being
• 16:51
  around
• 16:51
  you
• 16:51
  has
• 16:52
  allowed
• 16:52
  this
• 16:52
  out.
• 16:53
  So
• 16:53
  I
• 16:53
  really
• 16:54
  do
• 16:54
  think
• 16:54
  that
• 16:54
  a
• 16:55
  lot
• 16:55
  of
• 16:55
  the
• 16:55
  early
• 16:56
  conditioning,
• 16:57
  caregiving,
• 16:57
  being
• 16:58
  rewarded
• 16:58
  for.
• 16:59
  Oh,
• 16:59
  you
• 16:59
  took
• 16:59
  care
• 17:00
  of
• 17:00
  that.
• 17:00
  You
• 17:00
  looked
• 17:01
  after
• 17:01
  that
• 17:01
  person.
• 17:02
  That
• 17:02
  was
• 17:02
  so
• 17:02
  kind
• 17:02
  of
• 17:02
  you
• 17:02
  to
• 17:03
  share
• 17:03
  that.
• 17:03
  That
• 17:03
  was
• 17:04
  lovely.
• 17:04
  Don't
• 17:05
  get
• 17:05
  me
• 17:05
  wrong.
• 17:05
  You
• 17:05
  know,
• 17:05
  we
• 17:06
  have
• 17:06
  rules
• 17:06
  in
• 17:07
  my
• 17:07
  house,
• 17:07
  but
• 17:07
  there's
• 17:08
  that.
• 17:08
  I
• 17:08
  think
• 17:08
  there
• 17:09
  was
• 17:09
  so
• 17:09
  much
• 17:09
  conditioning
• 17:10
  around
• 17:10
  that
• 17:11
  that
• 17:11
  we
• 17:11
  lost
• 17:12
  our
• 17:12
  agency.
• 17:13
  I
• 17:14
  did
• 17:14
  some
• 17:14
  videos
• 17:14
  with
• 17:14
  my
• 17:15
  daughter
• 17:15
  that
• 17:16
  were
• 17:16
  on
• 17:16
  my
• 17:16
  Instagram
• 17:17
  page
• 17:17
  about
• 17:18
  sort
• 17:18
  of
• 17:18
  where
• 17:18
  you're
• 17:18
  first
• 17:19
  given
• 17:19
  shame.
• 17:20
  And
• 17:20
  in
• 17:20
  one
• 17:20
  of
• 17:21
  them,
• 17:21
  I'm.
• 17:21
  I'm
• 17:22
  speaking
• 17:22
  to
• 17:22
  her.
• 17:22
  Like,
• 17:22
  I
• 17:22
  don't
• 17:22
  speak
• 17:23
  to
• 17:23
  her.
• 17:23
  You
• 17:23
  know,
• 17:23
  how
• 17:23
  I
• 17:24
  was
• 17:24
  spoken
• 17:24
  to.
• 17:24
  And
• 17:25
  I'm
• 17:25
  saying
• 17:25
  to
• 17:25
  her,
• 17:25
  I
• 17:26
  want
• 17:26
  you
• 17:26
  to
• 17:26
  go
• 17:26
  over
• 17:26
  there
• 17:27
  and
• 17:27
  give
• 17:27
  that
• 17:27
  person
• 17:28
  a
• 17:28
  hug.
• 17:28
  You
• 17:29
  don't
• 17:29
  want
• 17:29
  to
• 17:29
  make
• 17:29
  them
• 17:30
  feel
• 17:30
  bad,
• 17:30
  now,
• 17:30
  do
• 17:31
  you?
• 17:31
  You
• 17:31
  know,
• 17:31
  creepy
• 17:32
  uncle,
• 17:32
  whoever,
• 17:33
  that
• 17:33
  we
• 17:33
  don't
• 17:33
  know.
• 17:34
  And
• 17:34
  it
• 17:34
  was
• 17:34
  an
• 17:35
  example
• 17:35
  of
• 17:35
  one
• 17:35
  of
• 17:35
  the
• 17:35
  first
• 17:36
  times
• 17:36
  that
• 17:36
  you're
• 17:37
  told
• 17:38
  you're
• 17:38
  making
• 17:38
  your
• 17:39
  caregiver
• 17:40
  unhappy,
• 17:40
  this
• 17:41
  stranger
• 17:42
  unhappy.
• 17:42
  And
• 17:43
  despite
• 17:43
  whatever
• 17:44
  experience
• 17:45
  you
• 17:45
  might
• 17:45
  be
• 17:45
  having,
• 17:46
  you're
• 17:46
  told
• 17:47
  that
• 17:47
  you
• 17:47
  have
• 17:47
  to
• 17:47
  put
• 17:48
  somebody
• 17:48
  else's
• 17:48
  needs
• 17:49
  above
• 17:49
  your
• 17:49
  own.
• 17:49
  In
• 17:50
  this
• 17:50
  moment,
• 17:50
  you
• 17:50
  lose
• 17:51
  your
• 17:51
  agency.
• 17:52
  And
• 17:52
  I
• 17:53
  do
• 17:53
  think
• 17:53
  that,
• 17:54
  you
• 17:54
  know,
• 17:54
  not
• 17:54
  making
• 17:55
  anyone
• 17:55
  wrong
• 17:55
  here
• 17:55
  or
• 17:56
  any
• 17:56
  parents
• 17:56
  or
• 17:56
  anything
• 17:57
  like
• 17:57
  that,
• 17:57
  but
• 17:57
  those
• 17:58
  are
• 17:58
  experiences
• 17:59
  that
• 17:59
  add
• 17:59
  up
• 18:00
  over
• 18:00
  time.
• 18:01
  And
• 18:01
  fundamentally,
• 18:02
  we
• 18:02
  learn
• 18:03
  that
• 18:03
  it's
• 18:03
  important
• 18:03
  to
• 18:04
  please
• 18:04
  others
• 18:05
  above
• 18:05
  ourselves.
• 18:06
  I'm
• 18:07
  glad
• 18:07
  you're
• 18:07
  bringing
• 18:07
  that
• 18:07
  up
• 18:08
  too,
• 18:08
  because
• 18:08
  I
• 18:08
  know
• 18:08
  in
• 18:09
  our
• 18:09
  house,
• 18:09
  and
• 18:09
  I
• 18:10
  really
• 18:10
  had
• 18:10
  to
• 18:10
  work
• 18:11
  on
• 18:11
  my
• 18:12
  husband
• 18:12
  and
• 18:12
  like
• 18:13
  the
• 18:13
  older
• 18:13
  generation,
• 18:14
  especially,
• 18:14
  because
• 18:15
  when
• 18:15
  they
• 18:15
  see,
• 18:16
  like,
• 18:16
  a
• 18:16
  child
• 18:16
  crying,
• 18:17
  the
• 18:17
  first
• 18:17
  reaction
• 18:18
  is,
• 18:18
  oh,
• 18:18
  don't
• 18:18
  cry.
• 18:19
  You
• 18:19
  know,
• 18:19
  and
• 18:20
  it's
• 18:20
  like,
• 18:20
  that's
• 18:21
  so
• 18:21
  unhealthy.
• 18:22
  It's
• 18:22
  like,
• 18:22
  let
• 18:22
  this
• 18:23
  child.
• 18:23
  Like.
• 18:23
  Like
• 18:24
  you're
• 18:24
  saying,
• 18:24
  express
• 18:25
  emotion
• 18:25
  and
• 18:25
  express
• 18:26
  feeling
• 18:26
  and,
• 18:26
  like,
• 18:27
  let.
• 18:27
  Let
• 18:28
  it
• 18:28
  out.
• 18:28
  Because
• 18:29
  the
• 18:29
  worst
• 18:29
  thing
• 18:29
  they
• 18:30
  can
• 18:30
  do
• 18:30
  is
• 18:30
  just
• 18:30
  keep
• 18:30
  that
• 18:30
  bottled
• 18:31
  in.
• 18:32
  Yeah.
• 18:32
  And
• 18:33
  then
• 18:33
  you
• 18:33
  get
• 18:33
  further.
• 18:33
  Quite
• 18:34
  often,
• 18:34
  families
• 18:34
  can
• 18:34
  be
• 18:34
  one
• 18:35
  of
• 18:35
  the
• 18:35
  worst
• 18:35
  sources,
• 18:35
  because
• 18:36
  then
• 18:36
  even
• 18:36
  when
• 18:36
  you're
• 18:36
  older
• 18:37
  and
• 18:38
  someone
• 18:38
  will
• 18:38
  say,
• 18:38
  oh,
• 18:39
  you
• 18:39
  were
• 18:39
  always
• 18:39
  so
• 18:40
  sensitive.
• 18:40
  Oh,
• 18:41
  you're
• 18:41
  being
• 18:41
  so
• 18:41
  sensitive.
• 18:42
  What
• 18:43
  if
• 18:43
  I
• 18:43
  am?
• 18:44
  You
• 18:44
  know,
• 18:44
  like,
• 18:44
  this
• 18:44
  is
• 18:45
  just
• 18:45
  shaming
• 18:45
  me
• 18:45
  for
• 18:45
  having
• 18:46
  an
• 18:46
  emotion
• 18:46
  now
• 18:47
  as
• 18:47
  well.
• 18:47
  It's.
• 18:48
  Yeah.
• 18:48
  There
• 18:48
  can
• 18:48
  be
• 18:49
  sort
• 18:49
  of
• 18:49
  characters
• 18:50
  often,
• 18:50
  and
• 18:50
  given.
• 18:51
  Are
• 18:51
  you
• 18:51
  being
• 18:51
  so
• 18:52
  sensitive
• 18:52
  or
• 18:52
  why
• 18:53
  are
• 18:53
  you
• 18:53
  crying
• 18:53
  again?
• 18:54
  Or
• 18:54
  you're
• 18:54
  all,
• 18:54
  you
• 18:54
  know,
• 18:54
  you're
• 18:55
  always
• 18:55
  doing
• 18:55
  this
• 18:55
  or
• 18:56
  something
• 18:56
  like
• 18:56
  that,
• 18:56
  that.
• 18:56
  And
• 18:56
  it's
• 18:57
  like,
• 18:57
  oh,
• 18:57
  okay,
• 18:58
  well,
• 18:58
  I'm
• 18:58
  not
• 18:58
  meant
• 18:58
  to
• 18:59
  do
• 18:59
  that,
• 18:59
  and
• 18:59
  that
• 18:59
  gets
• 18:59
  me
• 18:59
  in
• 19:00
  trouble,
• 19:00
  or
• 19:00
  that
• 19:00
  gets
• 19:00
  me
• 19:01
  love
• 19:01
  denied
• 19:01
  and
• 19:02
  these
• 19:02
  sorts
• 19:02
  of
• 19:02
  things.
• 19:02
  So
• 19:02
  we
• 19:03
  learn
• 19:03
  to
• 19:03
  pretend
• 19:04
  and
• 19:04
  maintain
• 19:05
  an
• 19:05
  act.
• 19:05
  It's
• 19:06
  like,
• 19:06
  why
• 19:06
  is
• 19:06
  sensitivity
• 19:07
  also
• 19:07
  a
• 19:08
  negative
• 19:08
  thing?
• 19:09
  Like,
• 19:09
  why
• 19:09
  is
• 19:10
  being,
• 19:10
  you
• 19:11
  know,
• 19:12
  very
• 19:12
  in
• 19:12
  tune
• 19:13
  with
• 19:13
  your
• 19:13
  emotions
• 19:14
  and,
• 19:14
  you
• 19:14
  know,
• 19:15
  very
• 19:16
  unable
• 19:16
  to
• 19:16
  express
• 19:17
  them,
• 19:17
  really?
• 19:17
  Because
• 19:17
  I
• 19:18
  find
• 19:18
  that,
• 19:18
  like,
• 19:19
  my
• 19:19
  daughter
• 19:19
  is
• 19:20
  very
• 19:20
  sensitive,
• 19:20
  and
• 19:21
  I
• 19:21
  feel
• 19:21
  like
• 19:21
  she
• 19:22
  experiences
• 19:23
  things,
• 19:23
  like,
• 19:24
  in
• 19:24
  real
• 19:24
  time.
• 19:24
  I
• 19:25
  mean,
• 19:25
  she
• 19:25
  really
• 19:26
  is
• 19:26
  such
• 19:26
  a
• 19:26
  feeling
• 19:27
  person,
• 19:28
  and
• 19:28
  for
• 19:28
  some
• 19:29
  reason,
• 19:29
  that's,
• 19:29
  like,
• 19:29
  frowned
• 19:30
  upon.
• 19:30
  That's
• 19:30
  like
• 19:31
  a
• 19:31
  negative.
• 19:31
  And
• 19:32
  I
• 19:32
  just.
• 19:32
  I
• 19:32
  wonder
• 19:33
  why
• 19:33
  that
• 19:33
  is.
• 19:34
  And
• 19:34
  it's
• 19:34
  such
• 19:35
  a
• 19:35
  superpower,
• 19:35
  you
• 19:36
  know,
• 19:36
  she's
• 19:36
  probably
• 19:36
  got
• 19:37
  such
• 19:37
  a
• 19:37
  good
• 19:37
  intuition.
• 19:38
  She
• 19:38
  probably.
• 19:38
  Yeah.
• 19:39
  When
• 19:39
  you
• 19:39
  feel
• 19:39
  deeply,
• 19:40
  it's
• 19:40
  a
• 19:40
  really
• 19:40
  beautiful
• 19:41
  thing.
• 19:41
  And,
• 19:41
  like,
• 19:42
  it's.
• 19:42
  People
• 19:42
  get.
• 19:43
  I
• 19:43
  think
• 19:43
  people
• 19:44
  get
• 19:44
  very
• 19:44
  uncomfortable
• 19:45
  about
• 19:45
  the
• 19:45
  emotion
• 19:46
  it's
• 19:46
  bringing
• 19:46
  up
• 19:46
  in
• 19:46
  them,
• 19:47
  and
• 19:48
  they
• 19:49
  see
• 19:49
  crying
• 19:50
  as
• 19:50
  losing
• 19:51
  control.
• 19:51
  It's
• 19:52
  this.
• 19:52
  It's
• 19:52
  this
• 19:52
  perfectionism
• 19:53
  thing
• 19:53
  again,
• 19:53
  the.
• 19:53
  Sorry,
• 19:54
  I'm
• 19:55
  such
• 19:55
  a
• 19:55
  mess.
• 19:56
  It's.
• 19:56
  It's
• 19:56
  this
• 19:57
  fear
• 19:57
  of.
• 19:58
  Of
• 19:58
  somehow
• 19:58
  being
• 19:58
  socially
• 19:59
  humiliated
• 19:59
  or
• 19:59
  losing
• 20:00
  control.
• 20:00
  And
• 20:00
  you're
• 20:00
  like,
• 20:01
  well,
• 20:01
  it's
• 20:01
  like
• 20:01
  I
• 20:01
  say,
• 20:02
  it's
• 20:02
  an
• 20:02
  honor.
• 20:02
  It's
• 20:03
  an
• 20:03
  honor
• 20:03
  that
• 20:03
  you
• 20:04
  shared
• 20:04
  that
• 20:04
  with
• 20:05
  me
• 20:05
  in
• 20:05
  this
• 20:05
  space.
• 20:05
  It's
• 20:06
  an
• 20:06
  honor
• 20:06
  to
• 20:06
  witness
• 20:07
  you,
• 20:07
  you
• 20:07
  know,
• 20:08
  doing
• 20:08
  that.
• 20:08
  And
• 20:09
  like
• 20:09
  I
• 20:09
  said,
• 20:09
  she's
• 20:09
  either
• 20:09
  bumped
• 20:10
  her
• 20:10
  knee
• 20:10
  or
• 20:10
  someone's
• 20:11
  been
• 20:11
  mean.
• 20:12
  I'm
• 20:12
  glad
• 20:12
  she's
• 20:12
  letting
• 20:13
  it
• 20:13
  out.
• 20:13
  It's
• 20:13
  the
• 20:13
  most
• 20:14
  natural
• 20:14
  way
• 20:14
  to
• 20:15
  release
• 20:15
  stress.
• 20:15
  But
• 20:16
  this.
• 20:16
  Sorry.
• 20:17
  This
• 20:17
  automated
• 20:18
  sorry
• 20:18
  is
• 20:19
  something
• 20:19
  I
• 20:19
  really
• 20:19
  want
• 20:19
  to
• 20:21
  help
• 20:21
  us
• 20:21
  stop.
• 20:22
  Right.
• 20:22
  That's
• 20:23
  such
• 20:23
  a
• 20:23
  good
• 20:23
  point.
• 20:24
  How
• 20:24
  we
• 20:24
  reclaim
• 20:25
  our
• 20:25
  power
• 20:25
  is
• 20:26
  so
• 20:26
  important,
• 20:26
  and
• 20:26
  it's
• 20:27
  really,
• 20:27
  really
• 20:28
  a
• 20:28
  journey.
• 20:28
  And
• 20:29
  I
• 20:29
  know,
• 20:30
  you
• 20:30
  know,
• 20:30
  power
• 20:31
  sometimes
• 20:31
  for
• 20:31
  women
• 20:32
  can
• 20:32
  feel
• 20:32
  like
• 20:32
  a
• 20:32
  Dirty
• 20:33
  word.
• 20:33
  You
• 20:33
  know,
• 20:33
  like,
• 20:34
  we're
• 20:34
  not
• 20:34
  supposed
• 20:35
  to
• 20:35
  want
• 20:35
  to
• 20:35
  be
• 20:36
  powerful
• 20:36
  or
• 20:36
  go
• 20:37
  after
• 20:37
  power.
• 20:37
  Right?
• 20:38
  Like,
• 20:38
  we're
• 20:38
  supposed
• 20:39
  to
• 20:39
  want
• 20:39
  to
• 20:39
  just
• 20:39
  sit
• 20:39
  back
• 20:40
  and
• 20:40
  let.
• 20:40
  Let
• 20:40
  things
• 20:41
  happen.
• 20:42
  So
• 20:42
  how
• 20:42
  do
• 20:42
  we
• 20:43
  start
• 20:44
  owning
• 20:44
  our
• 20:44
  power,
• 20:44
  especially
• 20:45
  as
• 20:45
  women,
• 20:47
  without
• 20:48
  being,
• 20:48
  quote,
• 20:48
  unquote,
• 20:49
  too
• 20:49
  much
• 20:49
  or
• 20:49
  the
• 20:50
  fear
• 20:50
  of
• 20:50
  being
• 20:50
  too
• 20:51
  much?
• 20:51
  Like,
• 20:51
  why
• 20:52
  can't.
• 20:52
  Like,
• 20:52
  how
• 20:52
  do
• 20:52
  we
• 20:52
  just
• 20:53
  do
• 20:53
  it?
• 20:54
  Yeah,
• 20:54
  I
• 20:54
  mean,
• 20:54
  I
• 20:54
  would
• 20:55
  say
• 20:55
  about
• 20:55
  the
• 20:55
  too
• 20:55
  much
• 20:56
  thing,
• 20:56
  like,
• 20:56
  I
• 20:57
  hadn't
• 20:57
  really
• 20:57
  dug
• 20:57
  into
• 20:58
  it
• 20:58
  until
• 20:58
  I
• 20:58
  was
• 20:58
  writing
• 20:59
  the
• 20:59
  book.
• 20:59
  And
• 20:59
  then
• 20:59
  I
• 20:59
  was
• 20:59
  like.
• 21:00
  And
• 21:00
  I
• 21:00
  was
• 21:00
  asking
• 21:01
  loads
• 21:01
  of
• 21:01
  my
• 21:01
  girlfriends
• 21:02
  and
• 21:02
  I
• 21:02
  can
• 21:02
  even
• 21:02
  ask
• 21:02
  you,
• 21:03
  like,
• 21:03
  has
• 21:03
  anyone
• 21:03
  ever
• 21:04
  told
• 21:04
  you
• 21:04
  what
• 21:04
  too
• 21:04
  much
• 21:05
  is?
• 21:05
  No,
• 21:05
  I've
• 21:06
  never
• 21:06
  gotten
• 21:06
  a
• 21:06
  definition,
• 21:07
  but
• 21:07
  I
• 21:07
  know
• 21:07
  I've
• 21:07
  been
• 21:07
  told
• 21:07
  I'm
• 21:08
  too
• 21:08
  much.
• 21:09
  Oh,
• 21:09
  you've
• 21:09
  been
• 21:09
  told
• 21:09
  you're
• 21:10
  too
• 21:10
  much.
• 21:10
  Right.
• 21:10
  Okay.
• 21:11
  And
• 21:11
  I
• 21:11
  mean,
• 21:11
  both
• 21:11
  of
• 21:12
  us
• 21:12
  could
• 21:12
  probably
• 21:12
  be
• 21:12
  like,
• 21:12
  if
• 21:13
  I
• 21:13
  said
• 21:13
  to
• 21:13
  you,
• 21:13
  could
• 21:13
  you
• 21:13
  think
• 21:13
  about
• 21:13
  someone
• 21:14
  that
• 21:14
  was
• 21:14
  a
• 21:14
  bit
• 21:14
  too
• 21:14
  much
• 21:14
  at
• 21:14
  college?
• 21:15
  You'd
• 21:15
  be
• 21:15
  like.
• 21:15
  Like,
• 21:16
  you
• 21:16
  know,
• 21:16
  and.
• 21:16
  But
• 21:16
  we.
• 21:17
  Why
• 21:17
  was
• 21:17
  that?
• 21:18
  Why
• 21:18
  were
• 21:18
  we
• 21:18
  told
• 21:19
  they
• 21:19
  were
• 21:19
  too
• 21:19
  much?
• 21:19
  Like,
• 21:20
  no,
• 21:20
  it's.
• 21:20
  I
• 21:20
  swear,
• 21:21
  it's
• 21:21
  this
• 21:21
  kind
• 21:22
  of
• 21:22
  bizarre
• 21:23
  trick
• 21:23
  of
• 21:23
  the
• 21:23
  patriarchy
• 21:25
  that
• 21:25
  is
• 21:26
  keeping
• 21:26
  us.
• 21:26
  It's
• 21:27
  pitting
• 21:27
  us
• 21:27
  against
• 21:28
  one
• 21:28
  another.
• 21:28
  So
• 21:28
  this
• 21:28
  is
• 21:29
  this
• 21:29
  power
• 21:29
  thing.
• 21:30
  I
• 21:30
  don't
• 21:30
  think
• 21:31
  we're
• 21:31
  fearing
• 21:31
  power
• 21:32
  in
• 21:32
  the
• 21:32
  sense
• 21:33
  of
• 21:33
  we
• 21:33
  can't
• 21:33
  do
• 21:33
  it.
• 21:33
  I
• 21:33
  mean,
• 21:34
  look
• 21:34
  at
• 21:34
  all
• 21:34
  the
• 21:34
  things
• 21:34
  we
• 21:34
  do.
• 21:35
  You
• 21:35
  know,
• 21:35
  there's.
• 21:35
  There's
• 21:36
  no
• 21:36
  lack
• 21:36
  of
• 21:36
  capability
• 21:37
  or
• 21:37
  ability.
• 21:38
  I
• 21:38
  think
• 21:38
  we
• 21:38
  fear
• 21:39
  the
• 21:39
  lack
• 21:39
  of
• 21:40
  support
• 21:40
  that
• 21:41
  we
• 21:41
  believe
• 21:41
  comes
• 21:42
  with
• 21:43
  gaining
• 21:43
  power.
• 21:44
  Who
• 21:44
  does
• 21:44
  she
• 21:44
  think
• 21:45
  she
• 21:45
  is?
• 21:45
  Like,
• 21:46
  what
• 21:46
  are
• 21:47
  you
• 21:47
  doing?
• 21:47
  You
• 21:47
  know,
• 21:48
  I
• 21:48
  put,
• 21:48
  you
• 21:49
  know,
• 21:49
  yeah,
• 21:49
  who.
• 21:50
  What
• 21:50
  do
• 21:50
  you
• 21:50
  think
• 21:50
  this
• 21:50
  is
• 21:51
  all
• 21:51
  about?
• 21:51
  Why
• 21:51
  should
• 21:51
  you
• 21:52
  have
• 21:52
  that?
• 21:52
  And
• 21:52
  I
• 21:53
  don't.
• 21:53
  I
• 21:53
  think
• 21:54
  there's
• 21:54
  this
• 21:54
  real
• 21:55
  fear
• 21:55
  around
• 21:56
  the
• 21:56
  sisterhood
• 21:57
  falling
• 21:57
  away.
• 21:58
  And
• 21:58
  unfortunately,
• 21:59
  quite
• 21:59
  often
• 22:00
  that
• 22:00
  does
• 22:00
  happen
• 22:00
  to
• 22:01
  almost
• 22:01
  revalidate
• 22:01
  that
• 22:02
  you
• 22:02
  become
• 22:02
  maybe
• 22:03
  isolated
• 22:04
  when
• 22:04
  you
• 22:04
  are
• 22:04
  reclaiming
• 22:05
  your
• 22:05
  power.
• 22:06
  But
• 22:06
  I
• 22:06
  want
• 22:06
  to
• 22:06
  say,
• 22:07
  because
• 22:07
  it
• 22:07
  has
• 22:07
  happened
• 22:07
  to
• 22:07
  me,
• 22:08
  you
• 22:08
  know,
• 22:08
  I
• 22:08
  reclaimed
• 22:08
  my
• 22:08
  power.
• 22:09
  Not
• 22:09
  in
• 22:09
  a.
• 22:10
  I'm
• 22:10
  not
• 22:10
  currently
• 22:10
  running
• 22:11
  Goldman
• 22:11
  Sachs,
• 22:11
  but
• 22:12
  watch
• 22:12
  this
• 22:12
  space,
• 22:12
  you
• 22:13
  know,
• 22:14
  like,
• 22:14
  who
• 22:14
  knows
• 22:15
  where
• 22:15
  this
• 22:15
  may
• 22:15
  go,
• 22:16
  but.
• 22:16
  And
• 22:17
  when
• 22:17
  I
• 22:17
  was
• 22:18
  in
• 22:18
  the
• 22:18
  pits
• 22:19
  of
• 22:19
  despair,
• 22:19
  going
• 22:19
  through
• 22:20
  my
• 22:20
  divorce,
• 22:20
  single
• 22:21
  parent
• 22:21
  lockdown,
• 22:22
  you
• 22:22
  name
• 22:22
  it,
• 22:22
  everything.
• 22:23
  Business
• 22:23
  is
• 22:24
  tanking,
• 22:24
  global
• 22:25
  recession.
• 22:26
  I
• 22:26
  had
• 22:27
  different
• 22:27
  people
• 22:27
  around
• 22:27
  me
• 22:28
  then
• 22:28
  who
• 22:28
  supposedly
• 22:29
  saw
• 22:29
  me
• 22:29
  and
• 22:30
  supported
• 22:30
  me
• 22:30
  and
• 22:30
  wanted
• 22:31
  the
• 22:31
  best
• 22:31
  for
• 22:31
  me.
• 22:31
  But
• 22:32
  then
• 22:32
  some
• 22:32
  of
• 22:32
  the
• 22:32
  best
• 22:32
  started
• 22:33
  happening.
• 22:33
  Some
• 22:33
  of
• 22:34
  my
• 22:34
  power
• 22:34
  came
• 22:34
  back.
• 22:35
  And
• 22:36
  I
• 22:36
  would
• 22:36
  say
• 22:37
  a
• 22:37
  term
• 22:37
  I
• 22:38
  really
• 22:38
  love
• 22:38
  is
• 22:38
  soft
• 22:39
  power.
• 22:39
  Like,
• 22:39
  I'm
• 22:40
  quite.
• 22:40
  I'm
• 22:40
  a
• 22:40
  very
• 22:40
  gentle
• 22:41
  person.
• 22:41
  But
• 22:41
  I,
• 22:42
  you
• 22:42
  know,
• 22:42
  I've
• 22:42
  got.
• 22:43
  Got
• 22:43
  a
• 22:43
  bit
• 22:43
  of
• 22:43
  fire
• 22:44
  within
• 22:44
  me
• 22:44
  to
• 22:44
  kind
• 22:44
  of
• 22:45
  keep
• 22:45
  things
• 22:45
  going.
• 22:45
  But
• 22:45
  I
• 22:45
  was
• 22:46
  beginning
• 22:46
  to
• 22:46
  get
• 22:46
  my
• 22:47
  power
• 22:47
  back.
• 22:47
  I
• 22:47
  was
• 22:48
  feeling
• 22:48
  more
• 22:48
  like
• 22:48
  me.
• 22:48
  I
• 22:49
  was
• 22:49
  feeling
• 22:49
  more
• 22:49
  like
• 22:49
  me
• 22:50
  than
• 22:50
  I
• 22:50
  ever
• 22:50
  had.
• 22:51
  And
• 22:51
  then
• 22:51
  people
• 22:51
  started
• 22:52
  to
• 22:52
  fall
• 22:52
  away
• 22:53
  and
• 22:53
  you
• 22:53
  realize,
• 22:54
  wow,
• 22:54
  you
• 22:54
  really
• 22:54
  did
• 22:55
  only
• 22:56
  support
• 22:56
  me
• 22:57
  when
• 22:57
  I
• 22:57
  was
• 22:58
  smaller,
• 22:58
  which
• 22:59
  is
• 22:59
  very,
• 22:59
  very
• 22:59
  hurtful
• 23:00
  and
• 23:00
  very
• 23:00
  difficult.
• 23:01
  So
• 23:01
  I
• 23:01
  think
• 23:01
  that
• 23:01
  the
• 23:01
  fear
• 23:02
  almost
• 23:02
  of
• 23:02
  the
• 23:03
  power
• 23:03
  is
• 23:03
  that.
• 23:04
  That
• 23:04
  we
• 23:05
  know
• 23:05
  some
• 23:05
  people
• 23:05
  will
• 23:06
  fall
• 23:06
  away
• 23:06
  from
• 23:06
  our
• 23:06
  life.
• 23:07
  But
• 23:07
  I'd
• 23:07
  like
• 23:07
  to
• 23:07
  say
• 23:07
  to
• 23:08
  anyone
• 23:08
  listening
• 23:09
  is
• 23:09
  that
• 23:09
  if
• 23:09
  you're
• 23:10
  afraid
• 23:10
  of
• 23:10
  being
• 23:10
  too
• 23:11
  much,
• 23:12
  you
• 23:13
  know
• 23:13
  you're
• 23:13
  never
• 23:13
  going
• 23:14
  to
• 23:14
  be
• 23:14
  enough.
• 23:14
  Just,
• 23:14
  just
• 23:15
  that
• 23:15
  if
• 23:15
  people
• 23:15
  really
• 23:16
  can't
• 23:16
  cheer
• 23:16
  for
• 23:17
  you
• 23:17
  at
• 23:18
  any
• 23:18
  stage
• 23:18
  of
• 23:18
  your
• 23:18
  life,
• 23:19
  whatever's
• 23:19
  happening,
• 23:20
  they
• 23:20
  probably
• 23:21
  aren't
• 23:21
  waiting
• 23:22
  for
• 23:22
  you
• 23:22
  to
• 23:22
  win,
• 23:22
  they're
• 23:23
  waiting
• 23:23
  for
• 23:23
  you
• 23:23
  to
• 23:23
  fall
• 23:24
  and
• 23:24
  look
• 23:24
  for
• 23:24
  a
• 23:24
  crack.
• 23:25
  There's
• 23:25
  obviously
• 23:25
  something
• 23:25
  going
• 23:25
  on
• 23:26
  in
• 23:26
  their
• 23:26
  lives
• 23:26
  they
• 23:26
  need
• 23:27
  validated
• 23:27
  by
• 23:29
  you
• 23:29
  not
• 23:29
  succeeding.
• 23:30
  And
• 23:30
  when
• 23:30
  you
• 23:30
  do
• 23:31
  that
• 23:31
  is
• 23:31
  entirely
• 23:32
  to
• 23:32
  do
• 23:32
  with
• 23:32
  them.
• 23:33
  I'm
• 23:33
  not
• 23:33
  going
• 23:33
  to
• 23:33
  say
• 23:33
  it's
• 23:33
  not
• 23:33
  difficult.
• 23:34
  It
• 23:34
  is.
• 23:34
  I'm
• 23:35
  not
• 23:35
  going
• 23:35
  to
• 23:35
  say
• 23:35
  it
• 23:35
  can't
• 23:35
  feel
• 23:36
  lonely.
• 23:36
  It
• 23:36
  can.
• 23:37
  But
• 23:37
  you
• 23:37
  do
• 23:38
  get
• 23:38
  your
• 23:38
  people
• 23:39
  entering
• 23:40
  your
• 23:40
  life.
• 23:40
  I
• 23:40
  mentioned
• 23:41
  I
• 23:41
  was
• 23:41
  at
• 23:41
  this,
• 23:41
  this
• 23:41
  sort
• 23:41
  of
• 23:41
  solstice,
• 23:42
  a
• 23:42
  book
• 23:43
  event,
• 23:43
  it's
• 23:43
  beautiful
• 23:43
  in
• 23:43
  the
• 23:44
  English
• 23:44
  countryside
• 23:44
  today.
• 23:45
  And
• 23:45
  it
• 23:46
  was
• 23:46
  40
• 23:46
  women
• 23:47
  just,
• 23:48
  you
• 23:48
  know,
• 23:48
  releasing.
• 23:49
  But
• 23:49
  also
• 23:50
  reclamation
• 23:51
  was
• 23:51
  a
• 23:51
  word
• 23:51
  that
• 23:51
  was
• 23:51
  used
• 23:52
  a
• 23:52
  lot.
• 23:52
  The
• 23:53
  reclaiming,
• 23:54
  reclamation
• 23:54
  of
• 23:54
  self,
• 23:55
  reclamation
• 23:55
  of
• 23:55
  power.
• 23:56
  What
• 23:57
  could
• 23:57
  be
• 23:57
  possible
• 23:58
  if
• 23:58
  we
• 23:59
  had
• 23:59
  those
• 23:59
  kind
• 23:59
  of
• 24:00
  meetings
• 24:00
  together,
• 24:01
  even
• 24:01
  like
• 24:01
  once
• 24:01
  a
• 24:02
  month,
• 24:02
  Imagine
• 24:03
  what
• 24:03
  we
• 24:03
  could
• 24:03
  do.
• 24:03
  You'd
• 24:03
  have
• 24:04
  no
• 24:04
  fear
• 24:04
  if
• 24:05
  you
• 24:05
  knew
• 24:05
  that
• 24:05
  the
• 24:05
  sisterhood
• 24:06
  was
• 24:06
  around
• 24:06
  you,
• 24:06
  cheering
• 24:06
  you
• 24:07
  on
• 24:07
  at
• 24:07
  every
• 24:07
  single
• 24:08
  step,
• 24:08
  reminding
• 24:09
  you
• 24:09
  of
• 24:09
  your
• 24:09
  power.
• 24:10
  If
• 24:10
  someone's
• 24:10
  listening
• 24:11
  to
• 24:11
  this
• 24:11
  and
• 24:11
  you've
• 24:11
  got
• 24:11
  a
• 24:11
  friend
• 24:11
  that's
• 24:12
  doing
• 24:12
  something
• 24:12
  bold,
• 24:13
  whatever
• 24:13
  it
• 24:13
  is,
• 24:14
  a
• 24:14
  5k
• 24:15
  race,
• 24:16
  starting
• 24:16
  a
• 24:16
  business,
• 24:17
  leaving
• 24:18
  a
• 24:18
  relationship,
• 24:19
  starting
• 24:19
  a
• 24:19
  relationship
• 24:20
  after
• 24:20
  loss
• 24:21
  or
• 24:21
  fear.
• 24:22
  Cheer
• 24:22
  them
• 24:22
  on
• 24:23
  and
• 24:23
  cheer
• 24:24
  them
• 24:24
  on
• 24:24
  loudly
• 24:24
  and
• 24:25
  let
• 24:25
  them
• 24:25
  know
• 24:25
  that
• 24:25
  you'll
• 24:26
  be
• 24:26
  there
• 24:26
  for
• 24:26
  them
• 24:26
  if
• 24:27
  it,
• 24:27
  you
• 24:27
  know,
• 24:27
  if
• 24:27
  it
• 24:27
  doesn't
• 24:28
  work
• 24:28
  out.
• 24:28
  Because
• 24:28
  I
• 24:29
  think
• 24:29
  those
• 24:29
  are
• 24:30
  the
• 24:30
  stories.
• 24:30
  I
• 24:30
  was
• 24:30
  on
• 24:30
  an
• 24:31
  interview
• 24:31
  yesterday
• 24:31
  for
• 24:31
  Bloomberg
• 24:32
  TV
• 24:33
  and
• 24:33
  lovely
• 24:34
  guy
• 24:34
  who's
• 24:34
  got
• 24:34
  teenage
• 24:34
  daughters
• 24:35
  and
• 24:35
  he's
• 24:35
  like,
• 24:35
  look,
• 24:35
  I'm
• 24:35
  really
• 24:36
  worried
• 24:36
  as
• 24:37
  a
• 24:37
  dad
• 24:37
  of
• 24:37
  teenage
• 24:37
  daughters,
• 24:38
  as
• 24:38
  a
• 24:38
  stat
• 24:38
  that's
• 24:39
  just
• 24:39
  come
• 24:39
  out,
• 24:39
  you
• 24:39
  probably
• 24:39
  heard
• 24:40
  it.
• 24:40
  Only
• 24:40
  2%
• 24:40
  of
• 24:41
  pitches
• 24:42
  to
• 24:42
  VCs
• 24:42
  are
• 24:43
  from
• 24:43
  female
• 24:43
  founders.
• 24:44
  And
• 24:44
  why
• 24:44
  is
• 24:44
  that?
• 24:45
  And,
• 24:46
  you
• 24:46
  know,
• 24:47
  let's
• 24:47
  cheer
• 24:47
  more
• 24:48
  people
• 24:48
  on,
• 24:48
  let's
• 24:49
  open
• 24:49
  the
• 24:49
  doors
• 24:49
  together.
• 24:50
  Because
• 24:50
  it
• 24:50
  serves
• 24:51
  all
• 24:51
  of
• 24:51
  us
• 24:51
  rather
• 24:51
  than
• 24:52
  thinking
• 24:52
  that
• 24:52
  if
• 24:52
  someone
• 24:52
  else
• 24:53
  wins,
• 24:53
  it
• 24:53
  takes
• 24:54
  something
• 24:54
  from
• 24:54
  us.
• 24:55
  That's
• 24:55
  such
• 24:56
  a
• 24:56
  good
• 24:56
  point.
• 24:56
  And
• 24:56
  I,
• 24:57
  I
• 24:57
  think
• 24:57
  about
• 24:57
  my
• 24:57
  daughter
• 24:58
  as
• 24:58
  well.
• 24:58
  My
• 24:59
  daughter's
• 24:59
  also
• 24:59
  at
• 25:00
  10,
• 25:00
  so
• 25:00
  very
• 25:01
  close
• 25:01
  in
• 25:01
  age
• 25:01
  to
• 25:02
  your
• 25:02
  daughter.
• 25:02
  Yeah.
• 25:03
  And
• 25:03
  I
• 25:03
  do
• 25:03
  think
• 25:03
  about
• 25:04
  notion
• 25:04
  of
• 25:05
  friendships,
• 25:05
  especially
• 25:06
  with
• 25:06
  her
• 25:06
  and
• 25:07
  other
• 25:07
  female
• 25:07
  friendships
• 25:08
  and
• 25:09
  how
• 25:09
  do
• 25:10
  we
• 25:10
  teach
• 25:10
  our
• 25:10
  children
• 25:11
  about
• 25:11
  these
• 25:12
  sort
• 25:12
  of
• 25:12
  types
• 25:13
  of,
• 25:13
  you
• 25:13
  know,
• 25:13
  toxic
• 25:14
  relationships
• 25:15
  and
• 25:15
  how
• 25:15
  to
• 25:15
  avoid
• 25:15
  them
• 25:16
  and
• 25:16
  you
• 25:17
  know,
• 25:17
  making
• 25:17
  their
• 25:18
  way
• 25:18
  through
• 25:18
  because,
• 25:18
  you
• 25:19
  know,
• 25:19
  especially
• 25:19
  at
• 25:19
  this
• 25:20
  age
• 25:20
  with
• 25:20
  them,
• 25:20
  you
• 25:21
  know,
• 25:21
  it's
• 25:21
  a
• 25:21
  very,
• 25:22
  very
• 25:22
  tricky
• 25:23
  time
• 25:23
  for
• 25:23
  friendships.
• 25:24
  Yeah,
• 25:25
  yeah,
• 25:25
  we've
• 25:25
  had
• 25:25
  some,
• 25:26
  some
• 25:26
  friendly
• 25:26
  stuff.
• 25:26
  I'm
• 25:27
  sure
• 25:27
  you
• 25:27
  have
• 25:27
  some
• 25:27
  hiccups
• 25:28
  in
• 25:28
  the
• 25:28
  road,
• 25:28
  right?
• 25:29
  Yeah,
• 25:29
  yeah,
• 25:30
  exactly.
• 25:30
  And
• 25:31
  you
• 25:31
  know,
• 25:31
  there's
• 25:31
  a
• 25:31
  kind
• 25:31
  of,
• 25:31
  of.
• 25:32
  I
• 25:32
  think
• 25:32
  there's,
• 25:33
  it's
• 25:33
  a
• 25:34
  really
• 25:34
  interesting
• 25:34
  thing.
• 25:34
  All
• 25:34
  I
• 25:35
  would
• 25:35
  say
• 25:35
  is
• 25:36
  as
• 25:36
  long
• 25:36
  as
• 25:37
  they
• 25:37
  feel
• 25:37
  able
• 25:38
  to
• 25:38
  talk
• 25:38
  to
• 25:39
  you
• 25:39
  and,
• 25:39
  or,
• 25:40
  and,
• 25:40
  or
• 25:40
  they've
• 25:40
  got
• 25:40
  someone
• 25:41
  to
• 25:41
  talk
• 25:41
  to.
• 25:41
  Like
• 25:41
  some
• 25:41
  of
• 25:41
  my
• 25:42
  best
• 25:42
  friends,
• 25:42
  we
• 25:42
  call
• 25:42
  them
• 25:42
  the
• 25:42
  aunties.
• 25:43
  And
• 25:44
  I
• 25:44
  say
• 25:44
  to,
• 25:44
  I
• 25:44
  say
• 25:45
  to
• 25:45
  them,
• 25:45
  talk
• 25:45
  to
• 25:45
  her
• 25:46
  about
• 25:46
  these
• 25:46
  things.
• 25:46
  You
• 25:47
  know,
• 25:47
  like,
• 25:47
  obviously
• 25:48
  she's
• 25:48
  little
• 25:48
  now,
• 25:48
  as
• 25:49
  she
• 25:49
  gets
• 25:49
  bigger,
• 25:49
  I
• 25:49
  want
• 25:50
  her
• 25:50
  to
• 25:50
  always
• 25:50
  have
• 25:51
  like
• 25:51
  kind
• 25:51
  of
• 25:51
  the
• 25:51
  different
• 25:52
  generations
• 25:52
  around
• 25:53
  that
• 25:53
  are
• 25:54
  able
• 25:54
  to
• 25:54
  support
• 25:54
  her
• 25:54
  and
• 25:54
  answer
• 25:55
  these
• 25:55
  questions.
• 25:56
  And
• 25:56
  as
• 25:56
  long
• 25:56
  as
• 25:57
  we're
• 25:57
  talking
• 25:57
  and
• 25:58
  we're
• 25:58
  sharing,
• 25:58
  I
• 25:59
  always,
• 25:59
  I
• 25:59
  mean,
• 25:59
  Amber
• 25:59
  knows
• 26:00
  I'm
• 26:00
  always
• 26:00
  like,
• 26:00
  like,
• 26:01
  and
• 26:01
  I
• 26:01
  say
• 26:01
  this
• 26:01
  to
• 26:02
  her
• 26:02
  a
• 26:02
  lot.
• 26:02
  I
• 26:03
  maybe
• 26:03
  don't
• 26:03
  know
• 26:03
  the
• 26:04
  answer.
• 26:04
  I
• 26:04
  never
• 26:04
  try
• 26:04
  and
• 26:04
  be
• 26:05
  a
• 26:05
  perfect
• 26:05
  parent.
• 26:05
  I
• 26:05
  never
• 26:06
  try
• 26:06
  and
• 26:06
  pretend
• 26:06
  to
• 26:06
  her
• 26:06
  that
• 26:06
  I'm
• 26:07
  perfect.
• 26:07
  I
• 26:07
  apologize
• 26:08
  when
• 26:08
  I
• 26:08
  get
• 26:08
  it
• 26:08
  wrong
• 26:09
  with
• 26:09
  her.
• 26:10
  And
• 26:10
  I
• 26:10
  said,
• 26:11
  I
• 26:11
  always
• 26:11
  say
• 26:11
  to
• 26:11
  her,
• 26:11
  honey,
• 26:12
  mummy
• 26:12
  will
• 26:12
  figure
• 26:13
  it
• 26:13
  out.
• 26:13
  And
• 26:14
  that's
• 26:14
  kind
• 26:14
  of
• 26:14
  positive
• 26:15
  that
• 26:15
  we
• 26:15
  can.
• 26:15
  And
• 26:15
  also
• 26:15
  for
• 26:16
  her,
• 26:16
  we'll
• 26:16
  figure
• 26:17
  it
• 26:17
  out.
• 26:17
  You
• 26:17
  know,
• 26:18
  let's
• 26:18
  find
• 26:18
  out
• 26:18
  if,
• 26:19
  you
• 26:19
  know,
• 26:20
  maybe
• 26:20
  that
• 26:20
  person
• 26:20
  was
• 26:21
  having
• 26:21
  a
• 26:21
  bad
• 26:21
  day
• 26:21
  or
• 26:21
  maybe
• 26:22
  they
• 26:22
  are
• 26:22
  not
• 26:22
  the
• 26:23
  greatest
• 26:24
  friend
• 26:24
  to
• 26:24
  hang
• 26:24
  around
• 26:24
  with
• 26:25
  right
• 26:25
  now.
• 26:25
  But
• 26:25
  we'll
• 26:25
  figure
• 26:26
  this
• 26:26
  out.
• 26:26
  Let's
• 26:26
  just
• 26:26
  work
• 26:27
  on
• 26:27
  that
• 26:27
  together
• 26:28
  and
• 26:28
  making
• 26:29
  her
• 26:29
  safe
• 26:29
  enough
• 26:29
  to
• 26:30
  always
• 26:30
  talk
• 26:30
  to
• 26:31
  me
• 26:31
  about
• 26:31
  these
• 26:31
  things
• 26:31
  and
• 26:32
  know,
• 26:32
  knowing
• 26:32
  that,
• 26:32
  you
• 26:33
  know,
• 26:33
  there
• 26:33
  have
• 26:33
  been
• 26:33
  some
• 26:33
  times
• 26:34
  I
• 26:34
  never
• 26:34
  thought
• 26:34
  I'd
• 26:34
  want
• 26:34
  to
• 26:35
  go
• 26:35
  and,
• 26:35
  you
• 26:35
  know,
• 26:36
  murder
• 26:36
  a
• 26:36
  seven
• 26:37
  year
• 26:37
  old
• 26:38
  right
• 26:38
  there
• 26:38
  with
• 26:39
  you,
• 26:40
  like,
• 26:40
  you
• 26:40
  know,
• 26:41
  like
• 26:41
  for
• 26:41
  being
• 26:41
  really
• 26:42
  cruel
• 26:42
  and
• 26:42
  things
• 26:42
  like
• 26:42
  that.
• 26:43
  But
• 26:43
  yeah,
• 26:44
  I
• 26:44
  think
• 26:44
  that
• 26:44
  as
• 26:45
  long
• 26:45
  as
• 26:45
  she's
• 26:45
  speaking
• 26:45
  to
• 26:45
  me
• 26:46
  about
• 26:46
  it
• 26:46
  and
• 26:48
  we
• 26:48
  try
• 26:48
  and
• 26:48
  find
• 26:48
  our
• 26:49
  way.
• 26:49
  Through,
• 26:50
  you
• 26:50
  know,
• 26:50
  and
• 26:51
  we
• 26:51
  also
• 26:51
  need
• 26:52
  that
• 26:52
  same
• 26:53
  type
• 26:53
  of
• 26:53
  advice
• 26:54
  because
• 26:55
  as
• 26:55
  grown
• 26:55
  women,
• 26:56
  you
• 26:56
  know,
• 26:56
  we
• 26:56
  navigate
• 26:57
  these
• 26:57
  kinds
• 26:57
  of
• 26:57
  relationships
• 26:58
  where
• 26:59
  maybe
• 26:59
  when
• 26:59
  we,
• 26:59
  we
• 27:00
  Became
• 27:00
  friends
• 27:00
  with
• 27:00
  somebody,
• 27:01
  you
• 27:01
  know,
• 27:01
  we
• 27:01
  thought
• 27:01
  they
• 27:02
  had
• 27:02
  the
• 27:02
  best
• 27:02
  of
• 27:02
  intentions,
• 27:03
  and
• 27:04
  slowly
• 27:04
  but
• 27:04
  surely
• 27:05
  they
• 27:05
  revealed
• 27:06
  themselves.
• 27:06
  And
• 27:06
  it's
• 27:06
  a
• 27:07
  toxic
• 27:07
  friendship.
• 27:08
  So
• 27:09
  what
• 27:09
  do
• 27:09
  we
• 27:09
  do
• 27:09
  if
• 27:10
  we
• 27:10
  find
• 27:10
  ourselves
• 27:11
  in
• 27:11
  these
• 27:11
  toxic
• 27:11
  friendships
• 27:12
  as
• 27:12
  grown
• 27:13
  women?
• 27:13
  Out.
• 27:14
  Get
• 27:14
  out,
• 27:15
  get
• 27:15
  out,
• 27:15
  get
• 27:16
  out.
• 27:16
  It's
• 27:17
  dangerous.
• 27:17
  Exactly
• 27:18
  that.
• 27:18
  It's
• 27:18
  toxic
• 27:19
  and
• 27:19
  it
• 27:20
  seeps
• 27:20
  in.
• 27:21
  And
• 27:21
  there
• 27:21
  is.
• 27:22
  I've
• 27:22
  been
• 27:23
  on
• 27:23
  the
• 27:23
  receiving
• 27:23
  end
• 27:23
  myself.
• 27:24
  I've
• 27:24
  had
• 27:24
  a
• 27:24
  lot
• 27:25
  of
• 27:25
  clients
• 27:25
  in.
• 27:25
  I
• 27:25
  see
• 27:26
  clients
• 27:26
  for
• 27:26
  betrayal
• 27:27
  trauma,
• 27:28
  not
• 27:28
  just
• 27:28
  from
• 27:28
  romantic
• 27:29
  relationships,
• 27:29
  but
• 27:30
  from
• 27:31
  supposed
• 27:31
  friends
• 27:32
  that
• 27:32
  were
• 27:32
  just
• 27:32
  basically
• 27:33
  awaiting
• 27:33
  a
• 27:34
  downfall
• 27:34
  and
• 27:35
  helping
• 27:35
  it
• 27:36
  along.
• 27:36
  And
• 27:37
  people
• 27:37
  like
• 27:37
  that
• 27:38
  are
• 27:38
  never,
• 27:39
  ever
• 27:40
  going
• 27:40
  to
• 27:40
  cheer
• 27:40
  for
• 27:41
  you.
• 27:41
  I
• 27:41
  know
• 27:41
  that
• 27:41
  now.
• 27:41
  You
• 27:42
  know,
• 27:42
  even
• 27:42
  if
• 27:42
  you
• 27:42
  were
• 27:43
  a
• 27:43
  table
• 27:43
  and
• 27:44
  you've
• 27:44
  got
• 27:44
  some
• 27:44
  news
• 27:44
  and
• 27:45
  you
• 27:45
  realize
• 27:45
  that
• 27:45
  someone
• 27:45
  isn't
• 27:46
  completely.
• 27:47
  They're
• 27:48
  not
• 27:48
  completely
• 27:48
  delighted.
• 27:49
  They're
• 27:49
  not
• 27:49
  going
• 27:49
  to
• 27:49
  change.
• 27:50
  They're
• 27:50
  hoping
• 27:51
  that
• 27:51
  something
• 27:51
  bad
• 27:52
  happens
• 27:52
  or
• 27:52
  at
• 27:52
  least
• 27:53
  your
• 27:53
  shine
• 27:53
  is
• 27:53
  a
• 27:54
  little
• 27:54
  bit
• 27:54
  less
• 27:54
  like,
• 27:55
  you
• 27:55
  know,
• 27:56
  at
• 27:56
  44,
• 27:56
  I
• 27:56
  haven't
• 27:57
  got
• 27:57
  the
• 27:57
  time
• 27:57
  for
• 27:57
  that.
• 27:58
  I
• 27:58
  want
• 27:58
  people
• 27:58
  in
• 27:58
  my
• 27:59
  life
• 27:59
  and
• 27:59
  my
• 27:59
  daughter's
• 28:00
  life,
• 28:00
  because
• 28:00
  I'm
• 28:00
  obviously
• 28:00
  the
• 28:00
  gatekeeper
• 28:01
  for
• 28:01
  her
• 28:01
  as
• 28:01
  well,
• 28:02
  who
• 28:02
  are
• 28:02
  positive
• 28:03
  and
• 28:03
  champions.
• 28:04
  I
• 28:04
  don't
• 28:04
  mean.
• 28:04
  By
• 28:05
  that,
• 28:05
  everyone
• 28:05
  has
• 28:05
  to
• 28:05
  tell
• 28:05
  me
• 28:06
  that
• 28:06
  I'm
• 28:06
  right
• 28:06
  all
• 28:06
  the
• 28:06
  time.
• 28:06
  My
• 28:07
  friends
• 28:07
  certainly
• 28:07
  don't.
• 28:07
  They
• 28:08
  will
• 28:08
  absolutely
• 28:09
  call
• 28:09
  me
• 28:10
  out
• 28:10
  on
• 28:10
  my.
• 28:11
  But
• 28:11
  they
• 28:11
  do
• 28:11
  it
• 28:11
  kindly
• 28:12
  and
• 28:12
  they're
• 28:12
  doing
• 28:12
  it
• 28:13
  in
• 28:13
  honor
• 28:13
  of
• 28:13
  my
• 28:14
  highest
• 28:14
  self.
• 28:14
  They'll
• 28:14
  be
• 28:14
  like,
• 28:15
  that
• 28:15
  wasn't
• 28:15
  you.
• 28:16
  Like,
• 28:16
  that's
• 28:16
  not
• 28:16
  cool.
• 28:17
  That's
• 28:17
  kind
• 28:17
  of,
• 28:17
  you
• 28:17
  know,
• 28:17
  come
• 28:18
  on,
• 28:18
  you.
• 28:18
  You
• 28:18
  can
• 28:18
  do
• 28:19
  better
• 28:19
  than
• 28:19
  that.
• 28:19
  And
• 28:20
  I
• 28:20
  really
• 28:20
  appreciate
• 28:21
  that,
• 28:21
  and
• 28:21
  I
• 28:21
  do
• 28:21
  that
• 28:21
  with
• 28:21
  them.
• 28:22
  But
• 28:22
  if
• 28:22
  you've
• 28:22
  got
• 28:23
  people
• 28:23
  who
• 28:23
  gossip,
• 28:24
  they're
• 28:25
  using
• 28:25
  the
• 28:25
  currency
• 28:26
  of
• 28:26
  gossip,
• 28:26
  you
• 28:27
  know,
• 28:27
  be
• 28:27
  very,
• 28:27
  very
• 28:28
  wary
• 28:28
  about
• 28:28
  that.
• 28:28
  Like,
• 28:29
  we
• 28:29
  all
• 28:29
  like
• 28:29
  a
• 28:29
  little
• 28:29
  bit
• 28:29
  of
• 28:29
  tea
• 28:30
  here
• 28:30
  and
• 28:30
  there.
• 28:30
  But
• 28:30
  if
• 28:31
  people
• 28:31
  are
• 28:31
  just
• 28:31
  like,
• 28:32
  wait
• 28:32
  till
• 28:32
  I
• 28:32
  tell
• 28:32
  you
• 28:32
  about
• 28:33
  so
• 28:33
  and
• 28:33
  so,
• 28:33
  and
• 28:34
  wait
• 28:34
  till
• 28:34
  I
• 28:34
  tell
• 28:34
  you
• 28:34
  about
• 28:34
  this,
• 28:34
  and
• 28:35
  you
• 28:35
  won't
• 28:35
  believe
• 28:35
  that,
• 28:36
  run.
• 28:36
  Because
• 28:37
  that
• 28:37
  is
• 28:37
  someone
• 28:37
  who
• 28:38
  is
• 28:38
  also
• 28:38
  collecting
• 28:39
  these
• 28:39
  things
• 28:39
  from
• 28:40
  you.
• 28:40
  You
• 28:40
  know,
• 28:40
  they're
• 28:41
  recycling
• 28:41
  this
• 28:41
  kind
• 28:42
  of
• 28:42
  information.
• 28:42
  And
• 28:43
  also
• 28:43
  I'm
• 28:43
  like,
• 28:43
  well,
• 28:44
  how
• 28:44
  have
• 28:44
  you
• 28:44
  got
• 28:44
  the
• 28:45
  time?
• 28:45
  But
• 28:45
  I'm
• 28:46
  busy,
• 28:46
  like,
• 28:46
  you
• 28:47
  know,
• 28:47
  writing
• 28:47
  a
• 28:48
  book
• 28:48
  or
• 28:48
  building
• 28:49
  something
• 28:49
  cool
• 28:49
  or
• 28:50
  thinking
• 28:50
  it's
• 28:51
  like,
• 28:51
  lovely
• 28:51
  to
• 28:51
  my
• 28:51
  daughter
• 28:52
  or
• 28:52
  planning
• 28:53
  an
• 28:53
  awesome
• 28:53
  date
• 28:53
  with
• 28:53
  my
• 28:54
  boyfriend
• 28:54
  or
• 28:54
  doing
• 28:55
  something
• 28:55
  nice
• 28:55
  for
• 28:55
  me.
• 28:55
  Like,
• 28:56
  how
• 28:56
  have
• 28:56
  you
• 28:56
  got
• 28:56
  the
• 28:56
  time
• 28:57
  to
• 28:57
  be
• 28:57
  your.
• 28:58
  Your
• 28:58
  side
• 28:58
  hustle
• 28:59
  is
• 28:59
  trying
• 28:59
  to
• 28:59
  bring
• 28:59
  people
• 29:00
  down.
• 29:00
  Like,
• 29:01
  congrats.
• 29:01
  It's
• 29:02
  just,
• 29:02
  what's
• 29:02
  the
• 29:03
  point?
• 29:03
  So,
• 29:03
  yeah,
• 29:03
  I
• 29:04
  would
• 29:04
  say
• 29:04
  to
• 29:04
  anyone,
• 29:05
  I'm
• 29:05
  sorry
• 29:05
  if
• 29:05
  it's
• 29:05
  happening,
• 29:06
  it's
• 29:07
  really
• 29:07
  shitty.
• 29:07
  It's
• 29:08
  happened
• 29:08
  to
• 29:08
  me
• 29:09
  and
• 29:09
  it's
• 29:10
  entirely
• 29:11
  on
• 29:11
  them,
• 29:11
  not
• 29:11
  you.
• 29:12
  The
• 29:12
  thing
• 29:12
  that
• 29:12
  I
• 29:12
  do
• 29:12
  get
• 29:13
  that
• 29:13
  I
• 29:13
  want
• 29:13
  to
• 29:13
  say,
• 29:14
  I
• 29:14
  get
• 29:14
  a
• 29:14
  lot
• 29:14
  of
• 29:15
  people
• 29:15
  that
• 29:15
  actually
• 29:15
  end
• 29:15
  up
• 29:16
  with
• 29:16
  some
• 29:16
  shame
• 29:16
  from
• 29:16
  it.
• 29:17
  Like,
• 29:17
  well,
• 29:18
  how
• 29:18
  could
• 29:18
  I
• 29:18
  have
• 29:19
  been
• 29:19
  so
• 29:19
  stupid?
• 29:20
  How
• 29:20
  did
• 29:20
  I
• 29:21
  not
• 29:21
  see
• 29:21
  it
• 29:21
  coming?
• 29:21
  And
• 29:22
  quite
• 29:22
  often
• 29:22
  if
• 29:23
  we
• 29:23
  have
• 29:23
  got
• 29:23
  a
• 29:23
  toxic
• 29:23
  friend,
• 29:24
  maybe
• 29:24
  some
• 29:24
  of
• 29:24
  your
• 29:24
  other
• 29:25
  friends
• 29:25
  didn't
• 29:25
  like
• 29:25
  them
• 29:26
  that
• 29:26
  much
• 29:26
  and
• 29:26
  you
• 29:26
  knew,
• 29:27
  you
• 29:28
  know,
• 29:28
  some
• 29:28
  of
• 29:28
  your
• 29:28
  maybe
• 29:28
  older
• 29:29
  or
• 29:29
  different
• 29:29
  friends
• 29:30
  are
• 29:30
  like,
• 29:30
  yeah,
• 29:30
  I
• 29:30
  never
• 29:30
  really
• 29:31
  liked
• 29:31
  so
• 29:32
  and
• 29:32
  so
• 29:32
  that
• 29:32
  much
• 29:32
  or
• 29:32
  you
• 29:33
  kind
• 29:33
  of
• 29:33
  knew
• 29:33
  they
• 29:33
  didn't
• 29:33
  really
• 29:33
  get
• 29:34
  each
• 29:34
  other.
• 29:34
  And
• 29:35
  I
• 29:35
  just
• 29:35
  want
• 29:36
  to
• 29:36
  say
• 29:36
  if
• 29:36
  you
• 29:36
  were
• 29:37
  the
• 29:37
  kind
• 29:37
  hearted
• 29:37
  soul
• 29:38
  that
• 29:39
  kind
• 29:39
  of
• 29:39
  took
• 29:39
  that
• 29:39
  person
• 29:40
  in
• 29:40
  and
• 29:40
  believed
• 29:41
  them
• 29:42
  because
• 29:42
  why
• 29:42
  wouldn't
• 29:43
  you?
• 29:43
  There's
• 29:44
  nothing
• 29:44
  that
• 29:44
  you've
• 29:45
  done
• 29:45
  wrong.
• 29:45
  There's
• 29:45
  no
• 29:46
  shame
• 29:46
  that
• 29:46
  you
• 29:46
  should
• 29:46
  carry.
• 29:47
  You
• 29:47
  were
• 29:48
  good,
• 29:49
  kind
• 29:49
  person
• 29:50
  who
• 29:50
  assumed
• 29:51
  that
• 29:51
  other
• 29:51
  person
• 29:51
  was
• 29:52
  the
• 29:52
  same.
• 29:53
  They're
• 29:53
  not.
• 29:54
  But
• 29:54
  your
• 29:55
  soft
• 29:55
  heartedness
• 29:55
  is
• 29:56
  your
• 29:56
  superpower.
• 29:57
  There's
• 29:57
  nothing
• 29:57
  you've
• 29:58
  done
• 29:58
  wrong
• 29:58
  here.
• 29:58
  And
• 29:58
  the
• 29:59
  reason
• 29:59
  you
• 29:59
  couldn't
• 29:59
  see
• 30:00
  it
• 30:00
  coming
• 30:00
  is
• 30:01
  because
• 30:01
  you
• 30:01
  can
• 30:01
  never
• 30:01
  think
• 30:02
  like
• 30:02
  them.
• 30:02
  You
• 30:03
  can
• 30:03
  never
• 30:03
  think
• 30:03
  like
• 30:04
  someone
• 30:04
  like
• 30:04
  that.
• 30:04
  And
• 30:05
  so,
• 30:05
  and
• 30:05
  be
• 30:06
  grateful
• 30:06
  frankly
• 30:06
  because
• 30:07
  I,
• 30:07
  I
• 30:07
  sleep
• 30:08
  really
• 30:08
  well
• 30:08
  at
• 30:08
  night
• 30:09
  because
• 30:09
  my
• 30:09
  clear
• 30:09
  conscience
• 30:10
  is
• 30:10
  my
• 30:10
  softest
• 30:11
  pillow.
• 30:11
  And
• 30:12
  I'm
• 30:12
  glad
• 30:12
  I
• 30:12
  don't
• 30:13
  have
• 30:13
  thoughts
• 30:14
  like
• 30:14
  that.
• 30:14
  I
• 30:14
  think
• 30:15
  that'd
• 30:15
  be
• 30:15
  a
• 30:15
  horrible
• 30:15
  way
• 30:16
  to
• 30:16
  live
• 30:16
  in
• 30:16
  that
• 30:16
  mind.
• 30:17
  So
• 30:17
  I
• 30:17
  just
• 30:17
  want
• 30:17
  to
• 30:17
  say
• 30:17
  to
• 30:18
  anyone
• 30:18
  that
• 30:18
  feels
• 30:19
  betrayed
• 30:20
  and
• 30:20
  is
• 30:20
  maybe
• 30:21
  carrying
• 30:21
  a
• 30:21
  little
• 30:21
  bit
• 30:21
  of
• 30:21
  shame
• 30:22
  about
• 30:22
  why
• 30:22
  they
• 30:23
  didn't
• 30:23
  see
• 30:23
  something
• 30:23
  coming
• 30:24
  you
• 30:24
  couldn't
• 30:25
  have
• 30:25
  done
• 30:26
  because
• 30:26
  you
• 30:26
  don't
• 30:26
  think
• 30:27
  like
• 30:27
  that.
• 30:27
  Absolutely.
• 30:28
  You
• 30:28
  know,
• 30:28
  I,
• 30:29
  I
• 30:29
  was
• 30:30
  actually
• 30:30
  reading
• 30:30
  a
• 30:30
  little
• 30:31
  bit
• 30:31
  more
• 30:31
  about
• 30:31
  toxic
• 30:32
  people
• 30:32
  and
• 30:33
  they
• 30:33
  actually
• 30:34
  stake
• 30:34
  out
• 30:35
  people
• 30:35
  who
• 30:35
  are
• 30:35
  empaths
• 30:36
  and
• 30:36
  like
• 30:37
  good
• 30:37
  of
• 30:37
  heart
• 30:37
  because
• 30:38
  it's
• 30:38
  something
• 30:38
  that
• 30:38
  they
• 30:39
  will
• 30:39
  never
• 30:39
  be,
• 30:39
  you
• 30:40
  know.
• 30:40
  Yeah,
• 30:40
  they
• 30:40
  lack
• 30:41
  it.
• 30:41
  Yeah.
• 30:41
  It's,
• 30:41
  it's
• 30:42
  literally
• 30:42
  moth
• 30:42
  to
• 30:42
  a
• 30:43
  flame.
• 30:43
  It
• 30:43
  is
• 30:43
  literally
• 30:44
  that.
• 30:44
  And
• 30:44
  so
• 30:45
  are
• 30:46
  attracted
• 30:46
  to
• 30:46
  your
• 30:47
  light.
• 30:47
  So
• 30:47
  again
• 30:48
  take
• 30:48
  that
• 30:48
  as
• 30:48
  a
• 30:49
  compliment.
• 30:50
  You
• 30:50
  have
• 30:50
  a
• 30:50
  light
• 30:51
  that
• 30:51
  they
• 30:51
  are
• 30:51
  attracted
• 30:52
  to.
• 30:53
  But
• 30:53
  that
• 30:54
  is
• 30:54
  why
• 30:54
  boundaries
• 30:55
  are
• 30:55
  so
• 30:56
  important.
• 30:57
  So
• 30:57
  I
• 30:57
  mean
• 30:57
  with
• 30:57
  some
• 30:58
  people,
• 30:58
  let's
• 30:58
  just
• 30:58
  say
• 30:58
  you're
• 30:58
  a
• 30:59
  bit
• 30:59
  worried
• 30:59
  about
• 30:59
  someone.
• 30:59
  You're
• 31:00
  not
• 31:00
  sure
• 31:01
  that's
• 31:01
  what
• 31:01
  we
• 31:01
  put
• 31:01
  a
• 31:01
  boundary
• 31:02
  in.
• 31:02
  You're,
• 31:02
  you're
• 31:03
  allowed
• 31:03
  to
• 31:03
  demote
• 31:04
  people
• 31:04
  in
• 31:04
  your
• 31:04
  life.
• 31:05
  That's
• 31:05
  okay.
• 31:05
  Like
• 31:06
  you
• 31:06
  don't
• 31:06
  have
• 31:06
  to
• 31:07
  be.
• 31:07
  Oh,
• 31:08
  but
• 31:08
  I
• 31:08
  haven't
• 31:08
  sent
• 31:08
  them
• 31:08
  a
• 31:09
  message
• 31:09
  today.
• 31:09
  I
• 31:09
  didn't
• 31:09
  reply
• 31:10
  to
• 31:10
  their
• 31:10
  message
• 31:11
  straight
• 31:11
  away
• 31:11
  like
• 31:11
  I
• 31:12
  normally
• 31:12
  do.
• 31:12
  I
• 31:12
  didn't
• 31:13
  that's
• 31:13
  all
• 31:13
  right.
• 31:14
  You
• 31:14
  know,
• 31:14
  we're.
• 31:15
  We're
• 31:15
  allowed
• 31:15
  to
• 31:16
  kind
• 31:16
  of
• 31:16
  change
• 31:16
  and
• 31:16
  shift
• 31:17
  around
• 31:17
  in
• 31:17
  our
• 31:18
  life,
• 31:18
  and
• 31:18
  we're
• 31:18
  allowed
• 31:18
  to
• 31:19
  change
• 31:19
  and
• 31:19
  shift
• 31:19
  around
• 31:19
  in
• 31:20
  how
• 31:20
  much
• 31:21
  time
• 31:21
  we
• 31:21
  spend
• 31:21
  in
• 31:21
  certain
• 31:21
  relationships.
• 31:22
  We
• 31:22
  are
• 31:22
  allowed
• 31:23
  to
• 31:24
  transform.
• 31:25
  We're
• 31:25
  allowed
• 31:25
  to
• 31:26
  adapt.
• 31:26
  And
• 31:26
  it's
• 31:27
  fundamentally
• 31:28
  our
• 31:29
  life.
• 31:29
  But,
• 31:29
  yeah,
• 31:29
  they
• 31:29
  do
• 31:30
  actively,
• 31:31
  whether
• 31:31
  it's
• 31:32
  conscious
• 31:32
  or
• 31:32
  subconscious,
• 31:32
  but
• 31:33
  they
• 31:33
  are
• 31:33
  attracted
• 31:33
  to
• 31:33
  the
• 31:33
  light
• 31:34
  of
• 31:34
  a
• 31:35
  good,
• 31:35
  caring
• 31:35
  person
• 31:35
  because
• 31:36
  they're
• 31:36
  fundamentally
• 31:37
  empty,
• 31:37
  like,
• 31:37
  deeply
• 31:38
  empty
• 31:38
  inside.
• 31:39
  And
• 31:40
  so
• 31:40
  they
• 31:40
  want
• 31:40
  to
• 31:41
  come.
• 31:41
  And
• 31:41
  effectively,
• 31:42
  they
• 31:42
  fill
• 31:42
  their
• 31:43
  tank
• 31:43
  with
• 31:44
  your
• 31:44
  joy
• 31:45
  and
• 31:45
  everything
• 31:45
  of
• 31:46
  yours
• 31:46
  and
• 31:46
  sort
• 31:46
  of
• 31:46
  suck
• 31:46
  all
• 31:47
  this
• 31:47
  up
• 31:47
  with
• 31:47
  this
• 31:47
  great
• 31:47
  big
• 31:47
  Nesquik
• 31:48
  straw
• 31:49
  because
• 31:49
  they
• 31:50
  don't
• 31:50
  have
• 31:50
  that
• 31:50
  kind
• 31:50
  of
• 31:50
  goodness
• 31:51
  within
• 31:51
  them.
• 31:51
  Because
• 31:52
  they
• 31:52
  don't
• 31:52
  have
• 31:52
  goodness
• 31:52
  within
• 31:53
  them.
• 31:53
  It
• 31:53
  can't
• 31:53
  stay.
• 31:54
  And
• 31:54
  then
• 31:55
  the
• 31:55
  mask
• 31:55
  slips.
• 31:56
  And
• 31:57
  that's
• 31:57
  when
• 31:58
  often
• 31:58
  you're
• 31:58
  the
• 31:58
  one
• 31:58
  that
• 31:59
  has
• 31:59
  given,
• 31:59
  given,
• 31:59
  given,
• 32:00
  given,
• 32:01
  given,
• 32:01
  given,
• 32:02
  given,
• 32:03
  given
• 32:03
  some
• 32:03
  more,
• 32:03
  and
• 32:04
  then
• 32:04
  they
• 32:04
  pull
• 32:04
  the
• 32:05
  rug.
• 32:06
  Why
• 32:06
  is
• 32:06
  it
• 32:06
  so
• 32:06
  hard
• 32:07
  for
• 32:07
  women
• 32:07
  to
• 32:08
  end
• 32:08
  these
• 32:08
  types
• 32:09
  of
• 32:09
  relationships,
• 32:10
  you
• 32:10
  know,
• 32:10
  to.
• 32:10
  To
• 32:10
  break.
• 32:11
  Break
• 32:11
  up
• 32:11
  with
• 32:12
  these
• 32:12
  types
• 32:13
  of
• 32:13
  friends?
• 32:13
  I
• 32:13
  mean,
• 32:13
  I
• 32:14
  think
• 32:14
  it
• 32:14
  goes
• 32:14
  back
• 32:15
  to,
• 32:15
  like,
• 32:15
  you
• 32:15
  know,
• 32:16
  feeling
• 32:16
  shameful
• 32:17
  and.
• 32:17
  Feeling,
• 32:18
  you
• 32:18
  know,
• 32:18
  like,
• 32:18
  be
• 32:18
  a
• 32:18
  bad
• 32:19
  girl.
• 32:19
  That'd
• 32:19
  be.
• 32:19
  You'd
• 32:20
  be
• 32:20
  a
• 32:20
  bad
• 32:20
  girl.
• 32:20
  That'd
• 32:20
  be
• 32:20
  a
• 32:21
  really.
• 32:21
  Roxy,
• 32:22
  what
• 32:22
  a
• 32:22
  bad
• 32:22
  girl.
• 32:23
  I
• 32:23
  can't
• 32:23
  believe
• 32:23
  you
• 32:23
  broke
• 32:24
  up
• 32:24
  with
• 32:24
  whoever.
• 32:25
  Like,
• 32:25
  wow,
• 32:26
  it's
• 32:26
  so
• 32:26
  bad
• 32:26
  of
• 32:27
  you.
• 32:27
  You
• 32:27
  know,
• 32:28
  like,
• 32:28
  yeah,
• 32:28
  it's
• 32:28
  about
• 32:28
  being
• 32:29
  shamed
• 32:29
  and
• 32:29
  being
• 32:29
  judged.
• 32:30
  But,
• 32:30
  you
• 32:30
  know,
• 32:31
  in
• 32:31
  our
• 32:31
  parents
• 32:32
  generation,
• 32:32
  even
• 32:33
  maybe
• 32:33
  a
• 32:33
  little
• 32:33
  while
• 32:34
  ago,
• 32:34
  we
• 32:34
  could
• 32:34
  have
• 32:34
  just
• 32:34
  lost
• 32:35
  touch.
• 32:35
  That's
• 32:36
  the
• 32:36
  other
• 32:36
  thing
• 32:36
  I
• 32:36
  say
• 32:36
  to
• 32:36
  people
• 32:36
  is,
• 32:37
  you
• 32:37
  know,
• 32:37
  we've
• 32:37
  lost,
• 32:37
  in
• 32:37
  this
• 32:38
  generation
• 32:38
  of
• 32:38
  being
• 32:38
  interconnected
• 32:39
  with
• 32:39
  social
• 32:39
  media,
• 32:40
  you
• 32:40
  never
• 32:41
  get
• 32:41
  the
• 32:41
  opportunity
• 32:41
  to
• 32:41
  lose
• 32:42
  touch
• 32:42
  with
• 32:42
  people,
• 32:43
  you
• 32:43
  know,
• 32:43
  unless
• 32:43
  you
• 32:44
  do
• 32:44
  something
• 32:44
  dramatic,
• 32:44
  like,
• 32:45
  I've
• 32:45
  unfollowed
• 32:46
  them.
• 32:46
  Yeah.
• 32:47
  You
• 32:47
  know,
• 32:47
  they're
• 32:48
  on
• 32:48
  the
• 32:48
  scene.
• 32:48
  Like,
• 32:48
  I.
• 32:49
  You
• 32:49
  know,
• 32:49
  so
• 32:49
  you
• 32:50
  don't.
• 32:50
  If
• 32:51
  you
• 32:51
  think
• 32:51
  back
• 32:51
  to
• 32:51
  our
• 32:51
  parents,
• 32:52
  they
• 32:52
  would
• 32:52
  meet
• 32:52
  people
• 32:53
  on
• 32:53
  holiday.
• 32:54
  Bestie,
• 32:54
  bestie
• 32:55
  pals.
• 32:55
  Never
• 32:56
  seen
• 32:56
  them
• 32:56
  again.
• 32:56
  Like,
• 32:57
  absolutely
• 32:58
  fine.
• 32:58
  You
• 32:58
  know,
• 32:58
  you
• 32:58
  had
• 32:58
  a
• 32:58
  job.
• 32:59
  I
• 32:59
  mean,
• 32:59
  how
• 32:59
  many
• 32:59
  of
• 32:59
  us
• 32:59
  are
• 33:00
  in
• 33:00
  touch
• 33:00
  with
• 33:00
  all
• 33:01
  of
• 33:01
  the
• 33:01
  people
• 33:01
  we
• 33:01
  ever
• 33:01
  work
• 33:01
  with?
• 33:02
  We're
• 33:02
  not.
• 33:02
  We've
• 33:03
  stayed
• 33:03
  in
• 33:03
  touch
• 33:03
  with
• 33:04
  a
• 33:04
  few
• 33:04
  people
• 33:04
  that.
• 33:05
  And
• 33:05
  sometimes
• 33:05
  people
• 33:05
  come
• 33:06
  back
• 33:06
  in
• 33:06
  when
• 33:06
  you.
• 33:07
  You
• 33:07
  change
• 33:07
  or
• 33:08
  shift.
• 33:08
  And,
• 33:08
  like,
• 33:09
  all
• 33:09
  of
• 33:09
  that's
• 33:09
  okay.
• 33:10
  But,
• 33:10
  yeah,
• 33:10
  I
• 33:10
  think
• 33:10
  it
• 33:10
  comes
• 33:11
  into
• 33:11
  being
• 33:11
  a
• 33:11
  bad
• 33:11
  girl.
• 33:12
  We
• 33:12
  feel
• 33:12
  if
• 33:12
  we're
• 33:13
  bad,
• 33:13
  if
• 33:13
  we
• 33:14
  almost
• 33:15
  don't
• 33:15
  like
• 33:15
  something
• 33:16
  about
• 33:16
  somebody,
• 33:16
  or
• 33:17
  we
• 33:17
  feel
• 33:17
  bad
• 33:17
  if
• 33:18
  we're
• 33:18
  unable
• 33:19
  to
• 33:19
  keep
• 33:19
  up
• 33:20
  with
• 33:20
  the
• 33:20
  demands
• 33:20
  of
• 33:20
  that
• 33:21
  relationship
• 33:21
  and
• 33:21
  keep
• 33:21
  that
• 33:21
  person
• 33:22
  happy.
• 33:22
  It's,
• 33:22
  it's
• 33:23
  bad
• 33:23
  girling.
• 33:23
  I
• 33:23
  feel
• 33:23
  like
• 33:24
  a
• 33:24
  bad
• 33:24
  girl,
• 33:24
  right?
• 33:25
  Oh,
• 33:25
  we
• 33:25
  need
• 33:25
  to
• 33:26
  let
• 33:26
  go
• 33:26
  of
• 33:26
  this
• 33:26
  like
• 33:27
  bad
• 33:27
  girl
• 33:27
  notion.
• 33:28
  You
• 33:28
  know,
• 33:28
  it
• 33:28
  just,
• 33:29
  it's
• 33:29
  just
• 33:29
  so.
• 33:30
  It
• 33:30
  causes
• 33:30
  so
• 33:31
  many
• 33:31
  problems,
• 33:32
  you
• 33:32
  know.
• 33:33
  Does.
• 33:33
  It
• 33:33
  does.
• 33:34
  And
• 33:34
  for
• 33:35
  the
• 33:35
  people
• 33:35
  in
• 33:35
  your
• 33:36
  life,
• 33:36
  whether
• 33:36
  you're
• 33:36
  a
• 33:36
  parent,
• 33:37
  parent
• 33:37
  deferred
• 33:38
  babies,
• 33:39
  whatever,
• 33:40
  caring
• 33:40
  for
• 33:40
  your
• 33:40
  parents,
• 33:41
  any,
• 33:41
  anyone
• 33:41
  that
• 33:42
  you're
• 33:42
  responsible
• 33:43
  and
• 33:43
  that
• 33:43
  you
• 33:43
  love,
• 33:44
  if
• 33:45
  you're
• 33:46
  suffering
• 33:47
  from
• 33:47
  a
• 33:47
  toxic
• 33:48
  person,
• 33:49
  if
• 33:49
  you
• 33:49
  think
• 33:49
  about
• 33:49
  it
• 33:49
  like
• 33:50
  an
• 33:50
  iPhone
• 33:50
  battery
• 33:51
  that
• 33:51
  is
• 33:52
  depleting
• 33:52
  you
• 33:53
  so
• 33:53
  much
• 33:54
  because
• 33:54
  it
• 33:54
  does,
• 33:54
  it
• 33:54
  corrodes,
• 33:55
  it
• 33:55
  depletes.
• 33:56
  And
• 33:56
  then
• 33:56
  the
• 33:56
  people
• 33:56
  that
• 33:57
  you
• 33:57
  really
• 33:57
  do
• 33:58
  love
• 33:58
  and
• 33:58
  that
• 33:59
  you
• 33:59
  really
• 33:59
  do
• 33:59
  get
• 33:59
  value
• 33:59
  from
• 34:00
  and
• 34:00
  you
• 34:00
  value
• 34:00
  them,
• 34:01
  that's
• 34:01
  the
• 34:01
  percentage
• 34:02
  they're
• 34:02
  getting
• 34:02
  of
• 34:02
  you
• 34:03
  because
• 34:03
  you've
• 34:04
  been
• 34:04
  good
• 34:04
  girling
• 34:05
  and
• 34:05
  giving
• 34:06
  yourself
• 34:06
  these
• 34:06
  toxic
• 34:07
  places
• 34:07
  that
• 34:07
  are
• 34:07
  eating
• 34:08
  away
• 34:08
  at
• 34:08
  you.
• 34:09
  And
• 34:09
  so
• 34:10
  it
• 34:10
  may
• 34:10
  feel
• 34:11
  cruel,
• 34:11
  but
• 34:12
  actually
• 34:13
  the
• 34:13
  greatest
• 34:13
  gift
• 34:14
  you
• 34:14
  can
• 34:14
  give
• 34:14
  to
• 34:14
  people
• 34:14
  you
• 34:14
  love
• 34:15
  is
• 34:15
  your
• 34:15
  own
• 34:15
  joy.
• 34:16
  Like
• 34:17
  my
• 34:17
  daughter
• 34:17
  needs
• 34:18
  joyful
• 34:18
  mummy,
• 34:19
  not
• 34:19
  perfect
• 34:19
  mummy.
• 34:20
  My
• 34:20
  daughter
• 34:20
  needs
• 34:21
  the
• 34:21
  mummy
• 34:22
  that
• 34:22
  is
• 34:23
  just
• 34:23
  happy
• 34:24
  and
• 34:24
  open
• 34:25
  to
• 34:25
  be
• 34:26
  with
• 34:26
  her,
• 34:26
  but
• 34:26
  also
• 34:27
  just
• 34:27
  happy
• 34:27
  in
• 34:27
  myself
• 34:28
  because
• 34:28
  she
• 34:28
  feeds
• 34:28
  on
• 34:29
  off
• 34:29
  off
• 34:29
  that
• 34:29
  for
• 34:29
  me.
• 34:30
  She
• 34:30
  doesn't
• 34:30
  need
• 34:31
  me
• 34:31
  people
• 34:31
  pleasing.
• 34:32
  And
• 34:32
  guess
• 34:33
  what?
• 34:33
  I've
• 34:33
  never
• 34:33
  been
• 34:33
  a
• 34:34
  class
• 34:34
  rep.
• 34:35
  Lucky
• 34:36
  you.
• 34:36
  I
• 34:36
  didn't
• 34:37
  do
• 34:37
  the
• 34:37
  bouncy
• 34:37
  castle
• 34:38
  at
• 34:38
  something
• 34:38
  because
• 34:38
  I
• 34:38
  was
• 34:38
  away
• 34:39
  doing
• 34:39
  something
• 34:39
  else,
• 34:39
  you
• 34:39
  know,
• 34:40
  and
• 34:40
  it's
• 34:40
  like,
• 34:40
  I
• 34:40
  mean
• 34:40
  the
• 34:41
  mums
• 34:41
  at
• 34:41
  the
• 34:41
  school
• 34:42
  now
• 34:42
  are
• 34:42
  amazing
• 34:42
  but
• 34:43
  you
• 34:43
  know,
• 34:43
  I
• 34:43
  haven't,
• 34:43
  they're
• 34:44
  awesome
• 34:44
  but
• 34:44
  I
• 34:44
  haven't
• 34:45
  like
• 34:46
  homemade
• 34:46
  granola
• 34:47
  and
• 34:47
  done
• 34:47
  little
• 34:48
  packets
• 34:48
  or
• 34:48
  thank
• 34:49
  you
• 34:49
  gifts
• 34:49
  from
• 34:49
  her
• 34:49
  party
• 34:50
  and
• 34:50
  stuff.
• 34:50
  And
• 34:50
  it's
• 34:50
  like
• 34:51
  some
• 34:51
  things
• 34:51
  just
• 34:51
  have
• 34:51
  to
• 34:52
  give.
• 34:52
  And
• 34:53
  I
• 34:53
  sort
• 34:53
  of,
• 34:53
  thankfully
• 34:54
  with
• 34:54
  this,
• 34:54
  like
• 34:54
  I
• 34:54
  said,
• 34:55
  this
• 34:55
  new
• 34:55
  lease
• 34:55
  of
• 34:55
  life
• 34:55
  for
• 34:56
  me,
• 34:56
  this
• 34:56
  shameless
• 34:57
  life,
• 34:58
  I
• 34:58
  never
• 34:58
  hurt
• 34:58
  anyone.
• 34:59
  Like
• 34:59
  that
• 34:59
  would
• 34:59
  be
• 34:59
  the
• 34:59
  worst
• 35:00
  thing
• 35:00
  I
• 35:00
  could
• 35:00
  do
• 35:00
  would
• 35:00
  be
• 35:01
  hurt
• 35:02
  somebody,
• 35:02
  like
• 35:02
  cause
• 35:03
  someone
• 35:03
  pain
• 35:03
  or
• 35:03
  cruelty,
• 35:04
  especially
• 35:04
  from
• 35:04
  the
• 35:04
  work
• 35:04
  that
• 35:04
  I
• 35:05
  do.
• 35:05
  But
• 35:06
  the
• 35:06
  most
• 35:06
  important
• 35:06
  thing
• 35:07
  for
• 35:07
  me
• 35:07
  is
• 35:08
  cultivating
• 35:08
  my
• 35:09
  own
• 35:09
  joy
• 35:09
  so
• 35:10
  that
• 35:10
  she
• 35:10
  gets
• 35:11
  it
• 35:11
  first
• 35:11
  and
• 35:12
  then
• 35:12
  the
• 35:12
  other
• 35:12
  people
• 35:12
  that
• 35:12
  I
• 35:12
  really
• 35:13
  love
• 35:13
  in
• 35:13
  my
• 35:13
  life
• 35:13
  get
• 35:13
  it
• 35:14
  as
• 35:14
  well.
• 35:14
  So
• 35:14
  if
• 35:15
  somebody
• 35:15
  is
• 35:15
  in
• 35:15
  a
• 35:15
  situation
• 35:16
  that
• 35:16
  someone
• 35:16
  is
• 35:17
  consistently
• 35:17
  making
• 35:18
  you
• 35:18
  feel
• 35:18
  crappy,
• 35:19
  you're
• 35:20
  taking
• 35:20
  that
• 35:20
  to
• 35:20
  the
• 35:20
  people
• 35:21
  that
• 35:21
  you
• 35:21
  love
• 35:21
  as
• 35:21
  well.
• 35:21
  So
• 35:21
  I'm
• 35:22
  offering
• 35:22
  that
• 35:22
  as
• 35:22
  a
• 35:22
  reframe.
• 35:23
  I
• 35:23
  know
• 35:24
  that
• 35:24
  some
• 35:24
  people
• 35:24
  feel
• 35:24
  very
• 35:25
  selfish
• 35:25
  and
• 35:25
  very
• 35:26
  bad
• 35:26
  girly
• 35:27
  for
• 35:28
  putting
• 35:28
  a
• 35:28
  boundary
• 35:29
  in
• 35:29
  with
• 35:29
  someone,
• 35:29
  especially
• 35:29
  when
• 35:30
  you've
• 35:30
  known
• 35:30
  them
• 35:30
  for
• 35:30
  a
• 35:30
  really
• 35:30
  long
• 35:31
  time.
• 35:31
  Like
• 35:31
  history
• 35:32
  seems
• 35:32
  to
• 35:32
  be
• 35:34
  a
• 35:34
  massive
• 35:34
  factor
• 35:35
  in
• 35:35
  that.
• 35:35
  But
• 35:36
  another
• 35:36
  little
• 35:37
  reframer
• 35:37
  for
• 35:37
  people
• 35:38
  is
• 35:38
  like,
• 35:38
  if
• 35:38
  you
• 35:38
  met
• 35:38
  that
• 35:39
  person
• 35:39
  at
• 35:39
  a
• 35:39
  party
• 35:39
  right
• 35:40
  now
• 35:40
  or
• 35:41
  whatever
• 35:42
  in
• 35:42
  an
• 35:42
  elevator
• 35:43
  or
• 35:43
  something
• 35:43
  like
• 35:43
  that,
• 35:43
  and
• 35:44
  you
• 35:44
  spoke
• 35:44
  to
• 35:44
  them
• 35:44
  and
• 35:44
  they
• 35:45
  told
• 35:45
  you
• 35:45
  all
• 35:46
  their
• 35:46
  beliefs,
• 35:47
  how
• 35:47
  they
• 35:47
  live
• 35:47
  their
• 35:48
  life,
• 35:48
  everything
• 35:49
  right
• 35:49
  now,
• 35:49
  would
• 35:49
  you
• 35:49
  be
• 35:50
  like,
• 35:50
  amazing
• 35:51
  or
• 35:51
  would
• 35:51
  you
• 35:52
  go,
• 35:53
  you
• 35:53
  know,
• 35:53
  because
• 35:55
  you
• 35:55
  may
• 35:55
  just
• 35:55
  not
• 35:55
  be
• 35:56
  aligned
• 35:56
  anymore.
• 35:56
  And
• 35:57
  that
• 35:57
  is
• 35:57
  okay
• 35:58
  because
• 35:58
  that
• 35:59
  won't
• 35:59
  be
• 35:59
  serving
• 36:00
  either
• 36:00
  of
• 36:00
  you,
• 36:01
  like
• 36:01
  dancing
• 36:01
  around
• 36:02
  and
• 36:02
  being
• 36:02
  in
• 36:02
  an
• 36:02
  act.
• 36:03
  And
• 36:03
  what
• 36:04
  about
• 36:04
  if
• 36:04
  the
• 36:04
  breakup
• 36:05
  needs
• 36:05
  to
• 36:06
  be
• 36:06
  a
• 36:06
  romantic
• 36:07
  partner?
• 36:07
  Because
• 36:08
  I
• 36:08
  feel
• 36:08
  like
• 36:08
  also
• 36:09
  at
• 36:09
  this
• 36:09
  time
• 36:10
  in
• 36:10
  our
• 36:10
  lives,
• 36:10
  you
• 36:11
  know,
• 36:12
  we're
• 36:12
  fighting
• 36:13
  ourselves,
• 36:13
  we're
• 36:13
  reclaiming
• 36:14
  our
• 36:14
  power,
• 36:14
  like
• 36:15
  you're
• 36:15
  saying.
• 36:15
  But
• 36:15
  then
• 36:16
  sometimes
• 36:16
  that
• 36:16
  means
• 36:17
  that
• 36:17
  you're
• 36:17
  not
• 36:17
  in
• 36:17
  line
• 36:17
  with
• 36:18
  your
• 36:18
  romantic
• 36:18
  partner
• 36:19
  anymore.
• 36:19
  So
• 36:20
  how
• 36:20
  does
• 36:20
  that
• 36:21
  play
• 36:21
  out?
• 36:22
  I
• 36:22
  mean,
• 36:22
  that
• 36:22
  is
• 36:23
  exactly
• 36:23
  what
• 36:23
  happened
• 36:23
  to
• 36:23
  me.
• 36:24
  And
• 36:24
  you'll
• 36:24
  know,
• 36:25
  because
• 36:25
  it's
• 36:25
  in
• 36:25
  the
• 36:25
  book,
• 36:25
  that
• 36:26
  that
• 36:26
  is
• 36:26
  exactly
• 36:26
  what
• 36:26
  happened
• 36:26
  to
• 36:26
  me
• 36:27
  in
• 36:27
  my
• 36:27
  marriage.
• 36:27
  And
• 36:28
  I,
• 36:29
  we
• 36:29
  were
• 36:30
  in
• 36:30
  a
• 36:30
  place
• 36:30
  where
• 36:31
  things
• 36:31
  were
• 36:31
  not
• 36:31
  good.
• 36:32
  And
• 36:32
  so
• 36:32
  I
• 36:33
  set
• 36:33
  about
• 36:33
  on
• 36:33
  a
• 36:33
  quest
• 36:34
  to
• 36:34
  find
• 36:35
  anything
• 36:35
  and
• 36:36
  everything
• 36:37
  that
• 36:37
  would
• 36:37
  save
• 36:37
  my
• 36:38
  marriage.
• 36:39
  Every
• 36:39
  course,
• 36:40
  it's
• 36:40
  obviously,
• 36:40
  it's
• 36:40
  all
• 36:41
  in
• 36:41
  the
• 36:41
  book.
• 36:41
  Every
• 36:41
  course,
• 36:42
  every
• 36:42
  podcast,
• 36:43
  every
• 36:43
  book,
• 36:44
  every
• 36:45
  session
• 36:45
  with
• 36:46
  a
• 36:46
  coach
• 36:46
  or
• 36:46
  a
• 36:46
  therapist
• 36:46
  or
• 36:47
  anything
• 36:47
  that
• 36:47
  I
• 36:47
  could
• 36:48
  do
• 36:48
  to
• 36:49
  try
• 36:49
  and
• 36:50
  fix
• 36:50
  my
• 36:50
  marriage.
• 36:51
  And
• 36:52
  spoiler
• 36:52
  alert,
• 36:52
  everyone,
• 36:52
  I
• 36:53
  am
• 36:53
  divorced
• 36:53
  very
• 36:54
  happily
• 36:55
  in
• 36:55
  an
• 36:55
  amazing
• 36:55
  new
• 36:55
  relationship.
• 36:58
  It
• 36:58
  didn't
• 36:58
  work.
• 36:59
  But
• 36:59
  what
• 36:59
  I
• 37:00
  found
• 37:00
  was
• 37:00
  me.
• 37:01
  And
• 37:02
  actually
• 37:03
  I've
• 37:04
  never
• 37:04
  had
• 37:04
  a
• 37:04
  regret
• 37:05
  about
• 37:05
  leaving
• 37:05
  my
• 37:05
  marriage.
• 37:06
  I
• 37:06
  don't
• 37:06
  mean
• 37:06
  that
• 37:06
  to
• 37:06
  be
• 37:06
  disparaging
• 37:07
  against
• 37:07
  my
• 37:07
  ex
• 37:07
  husband.
• 37:08
  We
• 37:08
  have
• 37:08
  a
• 37:08
  very
• 37:08
  good
• 37:08
  co
• 37:08
  parenting
• 37:09
  relationship.
• 37:09
  We
• 37:09
  get
• 37:10
  on
• 37:10
  fine.
• 37:10
  It
• 37:10
  was
• 37:11
  absolutely
• 37:11
  the
• 37:12
  right
• 37:12
  thing
• 37:12
  for
• 37:12
  all
• 37:12
  of
• 37:13
  us.
• 37:13
  And
• 37:15
  I
• 37:15
  found
• 37:16
  the
• 37:16
  me,
• 37:16
  the
• 37:17
  whole
• 37:17
  me.
• 37:18
  And
• 37:18
  when
• 37:18
  I
• 37:18
  did,
• 37:19
  I
• 37:19
  knew
• 37:19
  that
• 37:19
  she
• 37:19
  could
• 37:19
  never
• 37:20
  fit
• 37:20
  in
• 37:20
  the
• 37:20
  container
• 37:21
  of
• 37:21
  that
• 37:22
  relationship.
• 37:22
  It
• 37:23
  just
• 37:23
  wouldn't
• 37:23
  work.
• 37:23
  And
• 37:24
  that
• 37:24
  doesn't
• 37:24
  make
• 37:24
  anyone
• 37:25
  wrong.
• 37:26
  That
• 37:26
  just
• 37:26
  means
• 37:26
  that
• 37:27
  I
• 37:27
  was
• 37:27
  in
• 37:27
  a
• 37:27
  place
• 37:28
  and
• 37:28
  him
• 37:29
  that
• 37:29
  that
• 37:29
  was
• 37:29
  no
• 37:30
  longer
• 37:30
  compatible.
• 37:31
  And
• 37:31
  the
• 37:32
  best
• 37:32
  solution
• 37:32
  for
• 37:33
  our
• 37:34
  family,
• 37:35
  because
• 37:35
  it
• 37:35
  still
• 37:36
  is
• 37:36
  in
• 37:36
  our
• 37:36
  modern
• 37:37
  family
• 37:37
  way,
• 37:37
  was
• 37:38
  for
• 37:38
  us
• 37:38
  to
• 37:38
  separate
• 37:39
  and
• 37:40
  always
• 37:40
  communicate
• 37:41
  with
• 37:41
  my
• 37:41
  daughter,
• 37:41
  she
• 37:41
  was
• 37:42
  three
• 37:42
  and
• 37:42
  a
• 37:42
  half
• 37:42
  at
• 37:42
  the
• 37:42
  time,
• 37:43
  that,
• 37:43
  you
• 37:44
  know,
• 37:44
  didn't
• 37:44
  want
• 37:44
  to
• 37:44
  have
• 37:45
  one
• 37:45
  unhappy
• 37:45
  home.
• 37:46
  So
• 37:46
  she
• 37:46
  has
• 37:46
  two
• 37:47
  really
• 37:47
  happy
• 37:47
  homes
• 37:48
  and
• 37:48
  we're
• 37:48
  still
• 37:49
  friends.
• 37:49
  We're
• 37:49
  just
• 37:49
  not
• 37:49
  married
• 37:50
  anymore.
• 37:50
  And
• 37:51
  that
• 37:51
  was.
• 37:51
  There
• 37:52
  was
• 37:52
  never
• 37:53
  a
• 37:54
  moment
• 37:54
  that
• 37:54
  that
• 37:55
  didn't
• 37:55
  work
• 37:55
  out.
• 37:55
  Now,
• 37:55
  I'm
• 37:55
  not
• 37:56
  saying
• 37:56
  that
• 37:56
  was
• 37:56
  the
• 37:56
  perfect
• 37:57
  thing
• 37:57
  to
• 37:57
  do,
• 37:58
  but
• 37:58
  it
• 37:58
  helped
• 37:59
  me
• 37:59
  to
• 37:59
  realize
• 38:00
  that
• 38:00
  I
• 38:00
  just
• 38:01
  simply
• 38:01
  couldn't
• 38:01
  fit
• 38:02
  in
• 38:02
  that
• 38:02
  marriage.
• 38:03
  And
• 38:03
  that
• 38:03
  was
• 38:03
  no
• 38:03
  one's
• 38:04
  Fault.
• 38:04
  My
• 38:05
  favorite.
• 38:05
  I
• 38:06
  wear
• 38:06
  a
• 38:06
  lot
• 38:06
  of.
• 38:06
  Anyone
• 38:07
  ever
• 38:07
  watched
• 38:07
  me
• 38:07
  online.
• 38:07
  I
• 38:08
  have
• 38:08
  a
• 38:08
  lot.
• 38:08
  I
• 38:08
  always
• 38:08
  have
• 38:08
  a
• 38:08
  snake
• 38:09
  on
• 38:09
  me
• 38:09
  somewhere,
• 38:09
  like
• 38:10
  some
• 38:10
  kind
• 38:10
  of
• 38:10
  gold
• 38:10
  snake.
• 38:11
  The
• 38:11
  symbol.
• 38:11
  And
• 38:12
  it's
• 38:12
  because
• 38:13
  the
• 38:13
  snake,
• 38:14
  if
• 38:14
  it
• 38:14
  doesn't
• 38:14
  shed
• 38:15
  its
• 38:15
  skin,
• 38:16
  it
• 38:16
  dies.
• 38:17
  The
• 38:17
  reason
• 38:17
  a
• 38:18
  snake
• 38:18
  sheds
• 38:18
  its
• 38:18
  skin,
• 38:18
  the
• 38:19
  reason
• 38:19
  you.
• 38:19
  If
• 38:19
  you
• 38:19
  ever
• 38:19
  see
• 38:19
  a
• 38:19
  snake
• 38:20
  skin,
• 38:20
  it's
• 38:20
  inside
• 38:20
  out
• 38:21
  as
• 38:21
  well.
• 38:21
  Where
• 38:21
  it's
• 38:21
  literally
• 38:21
  slithered
• 38:22
  out
• 38:22
  of
• 38:22
  it,
• 38:22
  is
• 38:23
  as
• 38:23
  a
• 38:23
  snake
• 38:23
  grows,
• 38:24
  the
• 38:24
  capillaries
• 38:25
  between
• 38:25
  its
• 38:25
  scales
• 38:26
  expand.
• 38:26
  And
• 38:27
  if
• 38:27
  it
• 38:27
  were
• 38:27
  to
• 38:28
  stay
• 38:28
  in
• 38:28
  the
• 38:28
  same
• 38:28
  skin,
• 38:29
  the
• 38:29
  same
• 38:29
  old
• 38:30
  skin,
• 38:30
  it
• 38:30
  would
• 38:31
  quite
• 38:31
  literally
• 38:31
  suffocate.
• 38:33
  So
• 38:33
  we're
• 38:34
  given
• 38:34
  these
• 38:35
  transitions
• 38:35
  and
• 38:35
  changes
• 38:36
  in
• 38:36
  life.
• 38:36
  If
• 38:36
  you
• 38:36
  have
• 38:36
  a
• 38:37
  partner
• 38:37
  that
• 38:37
  changes
• 38:37
  with
• 38:37
  you,
• 38:38
  amazing.
• 38:39
  Like,
• 38:39
  genuinely
• 38:40
  incredible.
• 38:42
  And
• 38:42
  please,
• 38:42
  like,
• 38:43
  you
• 38:43
  know,
• 38:43
  share
• 38:43
  that
• 38:43
  love
• 38:44
  and
• 38:44
  support
• 38:44
  people
• 38:44
  that
• 38:44
  are
• 38:44
  maybe
• 38:45
  not
• 38:45
  in
• 38:45
  that
• 38:45
  place
• 38:45
  and
• 38:46
  keep
• 38:46
  the
• 38:46
  doors
• 38:46
  open
• 38:47
  and
• 38:47
  help
• 38:47
  other
• 38:47
  people
• 38:47
  going
• 38:47
  through
• 38:48
  it.
• 38:48
  If
• 38:48
  you
• 38:48
  find
• 38:49
  yourself
• 38:49
  as
• 38:49
  someone
• 38:49
  that
• 38:49
  can
• 38:50
  know
• 38:50
  if
• 38:50
  you're
• 38:50
  being
• 38:50
  restricted
• 38:51
  and
• 38:51
  constricted
• 38:51
  and
• 38:52
  suffocated
• 38:52
  in
• 38:52
  something,
• 38:53
  it's
• 38:54
  okay
• 38:54
  to
• 38:54
  need
• 38:55
  to
• 38:55
  leave
• 38:55
  that.
• 38:55
  And
• 38:56
  I
• 38:56
  would
• 38:56
  just
• 38:56
  say
• 38:57
  that
• 38:57
  from
• 38:57
  someone
• 38:57
  on
• 38:57
  the
• 38:57
  other
• 38:58
  side.
• 38:59
  Have
• 38:59
  things
• 38:59
  been
• 39:00
  difficult?
• 39:00
  Yes.
• 39:00
  But
• 39:01
  I
• 39:01
  was
• 39:01
  never
• 39:02
  more
• 39:02
  anxious
• 39:03
  than
• 39:03
  when
• 39:03
  I
• 39:04
  was
• 39:04
  desperately
• 39:05
  trying
• 39:05
  to
• 39:06
  figure
• 39:06
  it
• 39:06
  out
• 39:07
  or
• 39:07
  try
• 39:07
  and
• 39:07
  make
• 39:07
  something
• 39:08
  work
• 39:08
  that
• 39:08
  fundamentally
• 39:09
  just
• 39:10
  couldn't
• 39:10
  anymore.
• 39:11
  It
• 39:11
  was
• 39:11
  simply
• 39:11
  incompatible.
• 39:12
  And
• 39:13
  it
• 39:13
  doesn't
• 39:13
  have
• 39:13
  to
• 39:13
  be
• 39:14
  this
• 39:14
  huge,
• 39:15
  catastrophic.
• 39:16
  You
• 39:16
  know,
• 39:16
  no
• 39:17
  one
• 39:17
  slept
• 39:18
  with
• 39:18
  a
• 39:18
  neighbor
• 39:18
  or
• 39:19
  sold
• 39:19
  the
• 39:19
  family
• 39:20
  silver
• 39:20
  or,
• 39:20
  you
• 39:20
  know,
• 39:20
  it
• 39:21
  was
• 39:21
  nothing
• 39:21
  like
• 39:21
  that.
• 39:22
  But
• 39:22
  I
• 39:22
  think
• 39:22
  that
• 39:23
  from
• 39:23
  some
• 39:23
  things
• 39:24
  I
• 39:24
  do
• 39:24
  see
• 39:24
  when
• 39:26
  maybe
• 39:26
  conversations
• 39:27
  aren't
• 39:28
  able
• 39:28
  to
• 39:28
  be
• 39:28
  had
• 39:29
  or
• 39:29
  people
• 39:29
  maybe
• 39:30
  don't
• 39:30
  face
• 39:30
  up
• 39:30
  to
• 39:30
  this
• 39:30
  kind
• 39:31
  of
• 39:31
  thing,
• 39:31
  or
• 39:31
  they.
• 39:31
  You
• 39:32
  then
• 39:32
  take
• 39:33
  what's
• 39:33
  called
• 39:33
  exits
• 39:34
  to
• 39:34
  the
• 39:34
  relationship,
• 39:35
  which
• 39:35
  can
• 39:35
  be
• 39:35
  drugs,
• 39:35
  alcohol,
• 39:36
  and
• 39:36
  cheating.
• 39:36
  But
• 39:37
  they
• 39:37
  can
• 39:37
  also
• 39:37
  be
• 39:37
  working,
• 39:38
  exercise.
• 39:39
  You
• 39:40
  know,
• 39:40
  you
• 39:40
  can
• 39:40
  do.
• 39:40
  You
• 39:40
  can
• 39:41
  remove
• 39:41
  intimacy
• 39:42
  and
• 39:43
  effectively
• 39:44
  exit
• 39:44
  a
• 39:45
  relationship
• 39:45
  despite
• 39:45
  being
• 39:46
  in
• 39:46
  it
• 39:46
  in
• 39:46
  a
• 39:46
  number
• 39:47
  of
• 39:47
  different
• 39:47
  ways.
• 39:48
  And
• 39:48
  I've
• 39:49
  seen
• 39:49
  that
• 39:49
  play
• 39:49
  out
• 39:49
  as
• 39:50
  well.
• 39:51
  And
• 39:51
  I
• 39:51
  would
• 39:51
  say
• 39:51
  that,
• 39:52
  you
• 39:52
  know,
• 39:53
  don't
• 39:53
  shame
• 39:54
  yourself
• 39:55
  if
• 39:55
  you
• 39:55
  have
• 39:56
  grown
• 39:56
  in
• 39:56
  a
• 39:56
  different
• 39:57
  direction.
• 39:57
  It's
• 39:57
  okay.
• 39:59
  It's
• 39:59
  okay.
• 39:59
  And
• 39:59
  growing.
• 40:00
  Speaking
• 40:01
  of
• 40:01
  growing,
• 40:01
  we're
• 40:02
  also
• 40:02
  talking
• 40:03
  a
• 40:03
  bit
• 40:03
  about
• 40:03
  aging
• 40:04
  and
• 40:05
  the
• 40:05
  changes
• 40:06
  that
• 40:06
  happen
• 40:06
  during
• 40:07
  this
• 40:07
  time.
• 40:08
  So
• 40:09
  as
• 40:09
  we
• 40:09
  know,
• 40:09
  you
• 40:10
  know,
• 40:10
  we
• 40:10
  can
• 40:10
  start
• 40:10
  to
• 40:11
  look
• 40:11
  different.
• 40:11
  Right?
• 40:11
  The
• 40:12
  wrinkles
• 40:12
  come,
• 40:13
  weight
• 40:13
  changes,
• 40:14
  hormonal
• 40:15
  shifts,
• 40:15
  all
• 40:15
  that
• 40:16
  kind
• 40:16
  of
• 40:16
  stuff.
• 40:17
  But
• 40:18
  what
• 40:18
  are
• 40:18
  the.
• 40:19
  Some
• 40:19
  of
• 40:19
  the
• 40:19
  most
• 40:19
  common
• 40:20
  shame
• 40:20
  triggers
• 40:21
  around
• 40:22
  our
• 40:22
  bodies
• 40:23
  at
• 40:23
  this
• 40:23
  time
• 40:24
  in
• 40:24
  midlife?
• 40:24
  And
• 40:25
  how
• 40:25
  do
• 40:25
  we
• 40:25
  push
• 40:25
  back?
• 40:25
  Back?
• 40:26
  I
• 40:26
  think
• 40:27
  there
• 40:27
  is
• 40:27
  a.
• 40:28
  I
• 40:28
  actually,
• 40:28
  I
• 40:29
  mean,
• 40:29
  in
• 40:29
  the
• 40:29
  UK
• 40:29
  in
• 40:30
  particular,
• 40:30
  there's.
• 40:30
  And
• 40:30
  I
• 40:31
  know
• 40:31
  in
• 40:31
  The
• 40:31
  States,
• 40:31
  but
• 40:31
  a
• 40:31
  couple
• 40:32
  of
• 40:32
  very
• 40:32
  big
• 40:32
  selling
• 40:32
  books
• 40:33
  and
• 40:33
  movements
• 40:33
  around
• 40:33
  menopause.
• 40:34
  You've
• 40:34
  been
• 40:34
  very
• 40:35
  helpful
• 40:35
  to
• 40:35
  get
• 40:35
  that
• 40:36
  talked
• 40:36
  about.
• 40:36
  Have
• 40:36
  positive
• 40:37
  role
• 40:37
  models
• 40:37
  as
• 40:38
  well.
• 40:38
  But
• 40:39
  it's
• 40:39
  always
• 40:40
  kind
• 40:40
  of
• 40:40
  as
• 40:41
  is
• 40:41
  menopause.
• 40:42
  You
• 40:42
  know,
• 40:42
  you
• 40:42
  don't
• 40:42
  have
• 40:43
  a
• 40:43
  period
• 40:43
  for
• 40:43
  a
• 40:43
  year
• 40:43
  and
• 40:43
  then
• 40:44
  it's
• 40:44
  like,
• 40:44
  oh,
• 40:44
  I
• 40:45
  went
• 40:45
  through
• 40:45
  the
• 40:45
  menopause.
• 40:45
  It's
• 40:46
  always
• 40:46
  kind
• 40:46
  of
• 40:46
  post
• 40:46
  that.
• 40:47
  I
• 40:47
  think
• 40:47
  we're
• 40:48
  having
• 40:48
  some
• 40:48
  more
• 40:48
  language
• 40:48
  now
• 40:49
  about
• 40:49
  perimenopause.
• 40:49
  Like
• 40:50
  I
• 40:50
  said,
• 40:50
  I'm
• 40:50
  about
• 40:50
  to
• 40:50
  turn
• 40:50
  44,
• 40:51
  100.
• 40:51
  I've
• 40:52
  got
• 40:52
  a
• 40:52
  few
• 40:52
  symptoms,
• 40:52
  there's
• 40:52
  no
• 40:53
  question
• 40:53
  about
• 40:53
  it.
• 40:53
  I'm
• 40:54
  doing,
• 40:54
  working
• 40:54
  with
• 40:54
  a
• 40:54
  few
• 40:54
  people
• 40:55
  to
• 40:55
  kind
• 40:55
  of,
• 40:55
  you
• 40:55
  know,
• 40:55
  ease
• 40:56
  into
• 40:56
  this
• 40:56
  transition.
• 40:57
  But
• 40:58
  I
• 40:58
  think
• 40:58
  we.
• 40:59
  It's
• 40:59
  almost
• 40:59
  like
• 40:59
  you
• 41:00
  have
• 41:00
  to
• 41:00
  hide
• 41:00
  away
• 41:01
  and
• 41:01
  kind
• 41:01
  of
• 41:01
  come
• 41:02
  back
• 41:02
  out.
• 41:02
  You
• 41:02
  know,
• 41:02
  it's
• 41:03
  almost
• 41:03
  like
• 41:03
  you.
• 41:04
  I
• 41:04
  think
• 41:04
  some
• 41:04
  of
• 41:05
  the
• 41:05
  shame
• 41:05
  based
• 41:05
  narratives
• 41:06
  is
• 41:06
  that
• 41:06
  one
• 41:07
  should
• 41:07
  sort
• 41:07
  of
• 41:07
  go
• 41:08
  away
• 41:08
  to
• 41:08
  posture
• 41:09
  and
• 41:09
  then
• 41:10
  only
• 41:10
  reemerge
• 41:11
  when
• 41:11
  you're
• 41:11
  perfect
• 41:11
  again.
• 41:12
  You
• 41:12
  know,
• 41:12
  we
• 41:12
  couldn't
• 41:13
  possibly
• 41:15
  have
• 41:15
  a
• 41:15
  hot
• 41:16
  sweat,
• 41:16
  you
• 41:16
  know,
• 41:17
  staying
• 41:17
  in
• 41:17
  somebody
• 41:18
  else's
• 41:18
  house
• 41:18
  or
• 41:18
  any.
• 41:18
  I
• 41:19
  think
• 41:19
  we
• 41:19
  need
• 41:19
  to
• 41:19
  we
• 41:19
  again,
• 41:20
  masking.
• 41:20
  Mask
• 41:21
  the
• 41:21
  symptoms,
• 41:22
  mask
• 41:23
  your
• 41:23
  aging
• 41:24
  mask.
• 41:24
  Ask
• 41:25
  a
• 41:25
  million
• 41:25
  different
• 41:26
  things
• 41:26
  that
• 41:26
  might
• 41:26
  be
• 41:26
  happening
• 41:27
  to
• 41:27
  you
• 41:27
  and
• 41:27
  then
• 41:27
  maybe
• 41:27
  someone
• 41:28
  does
• 41:28
  get
• 41:29
  something
• 41:29
  done.
• 41:29
  I'm
• 41:30
  very.
• 41:30
  I
• 41:30
  have
• 41:30
  Botox.
• 41:30
  Like
• 41:31
  I
• 41:31
  don't
• 41:31
  have
• 41:31
  anything
• 41:31
  else
• 41:31
  on
• 41:31
  my
• 41:32
  face.
• 41:32
  I
• 41:32
  have
• 41:32
  Botox
• 41:32
  and
• 41:33
  some
• 41:33
  stubby
• 41:33
  lasers
• 41:33
  that
• 41:34
  are
• 41:34
  painful
• 41:34
  but
• 41:34
  apparently
• 41:35
  it
• 41:35
  works
• 41:35
  so
• 41:36
  they're
• 41:36
  fine.
• 41:37
  You're
• 41:38
  here
• 41:38
  for
• 41:38
  the
• 41:38
  lasers
• 41:38
  and
• 41:39
  Botox?
• 41:39
  Yes,
• 41:40
  I'm
• 41:41
  here
• 41:41
  for
• 41:41
  the
• 41:41
  laser
• 41:41
  boat.
• 41:41
  Of
• 41:41
  course
• 41:41
  I
• 41:42
  am.
• 41:42
  I'm
• 41:42
  forward,
• 41:42
  nearly
• 41:42
  44.
• 41:43
  I
• 41:43
  like
• 41:43
  the
• 41:43
  sun.
• 41:43
  Like
• 41:43
  be
• 41:44
  ridiculous
• 41:44
  of
• 41:44
  me
• 41:44
  to
• 41:44
  say
• 41:45
  otherwise.
• 41:45
  Absolutely
• 41:45
  ridiculous.
• 41:46
  And
• 41:47
  that's
• 41:47
  what
• 41:47
  I
• 41:47
  choose
• 41:48
  to
• 41:48
  use
• 41:48
  and
• 41:48
  do.
• 41:48
  And
• 41:49
  if
• 41:49
  somebody
• 41:49
  else
• 41:49
  prefers
• 41:50
  themselves
• 41:51
  looking
• 41:51
  another
• 41:51
  way,
• 41:51
  then
• 41:52
  you
• 41:52
  do
• 41:52
  that.
• 41:52
  But
• 41:52
  I
• 41:52
  think,
• 41:53
  think
• 41:53
  the
• 41:53
  societal
• 41:55
  pressures
• 41:56
  and
• 41:57
  this
• 41:57
  almost
• 41:58
  behind
• 41:59
  closed
• 41:59
  doors,
• 42:00
  kind
• 42:00
  of
• 42:00
  like,
• 42:00
  oh
• 42:01
  no,
• 42:01
  don't
• 42:02
  talk
• 42:02
  to
• 42:02
  us
• 42:02
  about
• 42:03
  perimenopause
• 42:04
  or
• 42:04
  like
• 42:04
  these
• 42:04
  ugly
• 42:05
  symptoms.
• 42:05
  Just
• 42:06
  have
• 42:06
  this
• 42:06
  sort
• 42:07
  of,
• 42:07
  you
• 42:07
  know,
• 42:07
  keep
• 42:08
  calm
• 42:08
  and
• 42:08
  carry
• 42:08
  on.
• 42:08
  Very
• 42:09
  British
• 42:09
  saying.
• 42:09
  But
• 42:10
  let's,
• 42:10
  let's
• 42:11
  not
• 42:11
  talk
• 42:11
  about
• 42:12
  any
• 42:12
  of
• 42:12
  these
• 42:12
  things.
• 42:12
  I
• 42:12
  mean
• 42:13
  even
• 42:13
  the
• 42:13
  medical
• 42:13
  institutions,
• 42:14
  you
• 42:14
  know,
• 42:14
  well,
• 42:15
  it
• 42:15
  could
• 42:15
  be
• 42:15
  this
• 42:15
  or
• 42:15
  it
• 42:15
  could
• 42:15
  be
• 42:15
  that,
• 42:16
  but
• 42:16
  who
• 42:16
  knows?
• 42:16
  Good
• 42:16
  luck.
• 42:17
  You're
• 42:17
  like,
• 42:17
  great,
• 42:18
  I'll
• 42:18
  just
• 42:19
  find
• 42:19
  my
• 42:19
  way.
• 42:20
  Like,
• 42:20
  you
• 42:21
  know,
• 42:21
  okay,
• 42:22
  that's
• 42:22
  brilliant.
• 42:22
  So
• 42:22
  I
• 42:23
  just
• 42:23
  don't
• 42:23
  have
• 42:23
  a
• 42:23
  period
• 42:23
  for
• 42:23
  a
• 42:24
  year.
• 42:24
  That
• 42:24
  means
• 42:24
  I've
• 42:24
  had
• 42:24
  the
• 42:24
  menopause.
• 42:24
  Yeah,
• 42:25
  that's
• 42:25
  it.
• 42:25
  Fab.
• 42:26
  Thanks.
• 42:28
  You
• 42:28
  know,
• 42:28
  like
• 42:28
  this.
• 42:29
  So
• 42:29
  thankfully,
• 42:29
  like
• 42:30
  I
• 42:30
  said,
• 42:30
  there's
• 42:30
  a
• 42:30
  lot
• 42:30
  more
• 42:30
  narrative
• 42:31
  and
• 42:31
  a
• 42:31
  lot
• 42:31
  of
• 42:31
  books
• 42:31
  coming
• 42:32
  out
• 42:32
  now.
• 42:32
  But
• 42:32
  I
• 42:32
  think
• 42:33
  it's
• 42:33
  been
• 42:33
  a
• 42:33
  really.
• 42:34
  You
• 42:34
  feel
• 42:34
  quite
• 42:34
  isolated,
• 42:35
  I
• 42:35
  think
• 42:35
  actually
• 42:36
  and
• 42:36
  because
• 42:36
  it's
• 42:36
  almost
• 42:36
  not
• 42:37
  a,
• 42:37
  you
• 42:38
  know,
• 42:38
  coming
• 42:38
  of
• 42:38
  age
• 42:38
  with
• 42:39
  friends
• 42:39
  as
• 42:39
  you
• 42:39
  came
• 42:39
  through.
• 42:40
  Okay,
• 42:40
  maybe
• 42:40
  when
• 42:41
  you
• 42:41
  started
• 42:41
  menstruating
• 42:42
  and
• 42:42
  started
• 42:42
  your
• 42:42
  periods
• 42:43
  in
• 42:43
  teens,
• 42:43
  you
• 42:43
  know,
• 42:44
  like,
• 42:44
  were
• 42:44
  you
• 42:44
  the,
• 42:44
  were
• 42:44
  you
• 42:45
  the
• 42:45
  last
• 42:45
  one
• 42:45
  or
• 42:45
  the
• 42:46
  first
• 42:46
  one?
• 42:46
  But
• 42:46
  it
• 42:46
  was
• 42:46
  probably,
• 42:47
  let's
• 42:47
  be
• 42:47
  honest
• 42:48
  with
• 42:48
  you,
• 42:48
  within
• 42:48
  a
• 42:48
  couple
• 42:49
  of
• 42:49
  years
• 42:49
  together
• 42:50
  with
• 42:50
  your
• 42:50
  friendship
• 42:51
  groups
• 42:51
  and
• 42:51
  you
• 42:51
  went
• 42:51
  through
• 42:52
  other
• 42:52
  life
• 42:52
  stages
• 42:53
  because
• 42:53
  of
• 42:53
  education
• 42:53
  system
• 42:54
  kind
• 42:54
  of
• 42:54
  at
• 42:55
  the
• 42:55
  same
• 42:55
  time.
• 42:56
  Whereas
• 42:56
  I
• 42:56
  think
• 42:57
  this
• 42:57
  becomes
• 42:57
  a
• 42:57
  bit
• 42:58
  of
• 42:58
  a.
• 42:58
  You
• 42:58
  may
• 42:58
  not
• 42:59
  be
• 42:59
  on
• 42:59
  the
• 42:59
  same
• 42:59
  journey
• 43:00
  as
• 43:00
  a
• 43:00
  friend
• 43:00
  of
• 43:00
  yours.
• 43:00
  You
• 43:00
  know,
• 43:01
  lots
• 43:01
  of
• 43:01
  my
• 43:01
  friends
• 43:01
  are
• 43:02
  different
• 43:02
  ages
• 43:02
  as
• 43:02
  well
• 43:02
  and
• 43:03
  at
• 43:03
  different
• 43:03
  stages
• 43:03
  of
• 43:04
  their
• 43:04
  lives.
• 43:04
  And
• 43:05
  I
• 43:05
  think
• 43:05
  it
• 43:05
  can
• 43:05
  feel
• 43:06
  a
• 43:06
  little
• 43:06
  bit
• 43:06
  isolating.
• 43:07
  I
• 43:08
  think
• 43:08
  you
• 43:08
  can
• 43:08
  start
• 43:09
  to.
• 43:10
  Because
• 43:10
  again
• 43:10
  of
• 43:10
  the
• 43:11
  fantastic
• 43:12
  non
• 43:13
  diagnoses
• 43:13
  of
• 43:13
  these
• 43:14
  things.
• 43:14
  Oh
• 43:14
  well,
• 43:14
  it
• 43:14
  could
• 43:14
  be
• 43:15
  a
• 43:15
  headache
• 43:15
  or
• 43:15
  it
• 43:15
  could
• 43:15
  be
• 43:15
  that,
• 43:16
  you
• 43:16
  know,
• 43:17
  you
• 43:17
  know,
• 43:17
  so
• 43:17
  there's,
• 43:18
  I
• 43:18
  think
• 43:18
  the
• 43:18
  lack
• 43:19
  of
• 43:19
  kind
• 43:19
  of
• 43:19
  clarity
• 43:20
  can
• 43:20
  also
• 43:21
  make
• 43:21
  you
• 43:21
  question
• 43:21
  yourself
• 43:22
  again.
• 43:23
  And
• 43:24
  yeah,
• 43:24
  I
• 43:24
  think
• 43:25
  there's,
• 43:25
  I
• 43:25
  think
• 43:25
  there
• 43:25
  is
• 43:26
  great
• 43:26
  work
• 43:27
  being
• 43:27
  done.
• 43:27
  I'm
• 43:28
  really
• 43:28
  pleased
• 43:28
  about
• 43:29
  some
• 43:29
  of
• 43:29
  the
• 43:29
  people
• 43:29
  in
• 43:29
  the
• 43:29
  space
• 43:30
  who
• 43:30
  are
• 43:30
  really
• 43:30
  actively
• 43:31
  talking
• 43:31
  about
• 43:31
  it
• 43:31
  and
• 43:31
  talking
• 43:32
  about
• 43:32
  some
• 43:32
  of
• 43:32
  the
• 43:32
  shameful
• 43:33
  areas
• 43:33
  that
• 43:33
  maybe
• 43:34
  we
• 43:34
  wouldn't.
• 43:34
  And
• 43:35
  I
• 43:35
  mean,
• 43:35
  Dr.
• 43:35
  Amy
• 43:36
  Killen,
• 43:36
  who
• 43:36
  I
• 43:36
  know
• 43:36
  is
• 43:36
  brilliant
• 43:37
  in
• 43:37
  this,
• 43:37
  if
• 43:38
  anyone
• 43:38
  wants
• 43:38
  to
• 43:38
  look
• 43:39
  to
• 43:39
  someone
• 43:39
  who
• 43:39
  is
• 43:40
  giving
• 43:40
  very
• 43:40
  helpful
• 43:41
  advice
• 43:41
  and
• 43:42
  not
• 43:42
  afraid
• 43:42
  to
• 43:42
  go
• 43:42
  there.
• 43:44
  But
• 43:44
  I
• 43:44
  think
• 43:44
  that
• 43:45
  we
• 43:45
  need
• 43:45
  to
• 43:45
  do
• 43:45
  a
• 43:45
  bit
• 43:45
  more
• 43:46
  there
• 43:46
  and
• 43:46
  again
• 43:47
  sort
• 43:47
  of
• 43:47
  sharing
• 43:48
  in
• 43:48
  with.
• 43:48
  And
• 43:49
  this
• 43:49
  is
• 43:49
  what
• 43:49
  helped
• 43:50
  me.
• 43:50
  And
• 43:50
  if
• 43:51
  you
• 43:51
  think
• 43:51
  a
• 43:51
  friend
• 43:51
  might
• 43:52
  be
• 43:52
  struggling,
• 43:52
  kind
• 43:52
  of
• 43:52
  holding
• 43:53
  your
• 43:53
  hand
• 43:53
  out
• 43:53
  because
• 43:54
  it's,
• 43:54
  I
• 43:54
  think
• 43:54
  quite
• 43:55
  nerve
• 43:55
  wracking
• 43:56
  going
• 43:56
  through
• 43:56
  a
• 43:57
  stage
• 43:57
  where
• 43:57
  there
• 43:57
  just
• 43:57
  seems
• 43:58
  to
• 43:58
  be
• 43:58
  like
• 43:58
  I
• 43:58
  say,
• 43:59
  a
• 43:59
  massive
• 44:01
  chasm
• 44:02
  of
• 44:02
  no
• 44:02
  information
• 44:03
  and
• 44:03
  you're
• 44:03
  just
• 44:03
  sort
• 44:04
  of
• 44:04
  hoping
• 44:04
  to
• 44:04
  get
• 44:05
  through
• 44:05
  it
• 44:05
  with
• 44:05
  your
• 44:05
  eyes
• 44:05
  closed
• 44:06
  somehow.
• 44:07
  Absolutely.
• 44:07
  I
• 44:08
  know.
• 44:08
  And
• 44:08
  I
• 44:08
  think
• 44:09
  it
• 44:09
  is
• 44:09
  really
• 44:09
  important
• 44:10
  that
• 44:11
  women
• 44:11
  know
• 44:11
  they
• 44:12
  should
• 44:12
  be
• 44:12
  able
• 44:12
  to
• 44:12
  do
• 44:13
  whatever
• 44:13
  they
• 44:13
  want.
• 44:14
  If
• 44:14
  that
• 44:14
  means,
• 44:15
  you
• 44:15
  know,
• 44:15
  doing
• 44:15
  Botox
• 44:16
  and
• 44:16
  lasers
• 44:17
  or
• 44:17
  not
• 44:17
  doing
• 44:17
  Botox.
• 44:18
  You
• 44:18
  know,
• 44:18
  it's
• 44:19
  like
• 44:19
  it's
• 44:19
  whatever
• 44:20
  you
• 44:20
  want
• 44:20
  to
• 44:21
  do.
• 44:21
  It's
• 44:21
  your
• 44:22
  body,
• 44:22
  it's
• 44:22
  your.
• 44:22
  It's
• 44:23
  your
• 44:23
  life,
• 44:24
  it's
• 44:24
  your
• 44:24
  body,
• 44:25
  it's
• 44:25
  your
• 44:25
  face.
• 44:26
  I
• 44:26
  mean,
• 44:26
  my
• 44:26
  God,
• 44:27
  you
• 44:27
  know,
• 44:27
  please,
• 44:28
  that's
• 44:28
  reclaiming
• 44:29
  your
• 44:29
  power.
• 44:29
  Reclaim
• 44:29
  your
• 44:30
  agency.
• 44:30
  I
• 44:31
  remember
• 44:31
  watching,
• 44:31
  I
• 44:31
  don't
• 44:31
  know
• 44:32
  if
• 44:32
  you
• 44:32
  watched
• 44:32
  the
• 44:32
  Pamela
• 44:32
  Anderson
• 44:33
  documentary.
• 44:33
  Yes,
• 44:34
  I
• 44:34
  did.
• 44:34
  Wasn't
• 44:34
  that
• 44:35
  great?
• 44:35
  Oh,
• 44:36
  I
• 44:36
  mean
• 44:36
  Unbelievable.
• 44:37
  But
• 44:38
  she
• 44:38
  talked
• 44:38
  about
• 44:38
  when
• 44:38
  she
• 44:39
  started
• 44:39
  to
• 44:39
  do
• 44:39
  the
• 44:39
  photographs
• 44:40
  at
• 44:40
  the
• 44:40
  first,
• 44:41
  first
• 44:41
  beginning
• 44:41
  of
• 44:42
  the
• 44:42
  photographs,
• 44:43
  which
• 44:43
  were
• 44:44
  very
• 44:44
  sexual
• 44:44
  in
• 44:44
  nature.
• 44:45
  And
• 44:45
  she
• 44:45
  said
• 44:45
  it
• 44:45
  was
• 44:46
  because
• 44:46
  of
• 44:46
  being
• 44:46
  sexually
• 44:47
  assaulted
• 44:47
  twice
• 44:47
  when
• 44:48
  she
• 44:48
  was
• 44:48
  younger
• 44:48
  and
• 44:48
  that
• 44:48
  was
• 44:49
  her
• 44:49
  reclamation.
• 44:50
  She's
• 44:50
  like,
• 44:50
  well,
• 44:50
  you.
• 44:50
  Someone
• 44:50
  took
• 44:51
  my
• 44:51
  sexuality
• 44:51
  from
• 44:52
  me
• 44:52
  before
• 44:52
  I
• 44:52
  was
• 44:52
  ever
• 44:52
  ready
• 44:53
  to
• 44:53
  share
• 44:53
  it
• 44:53
  and
• 44:53
  it
• 44:53
  should
• 44:54
  never
• 44:54
  have
• 44:54
  been
• 44:54
  shared.
• 44:55
  So
• 44:55
  that
• 44:55
  was
• 44:55
  my
• 44:56
  way
• 44:56
  of
• 44:56
  reclaiming.
• 44:57
  And
• 44:57
  so
• 44:57
  I
• 44:57
  think
• 44:57
  maybe
• 44:58
  at
• 44:58
  this
• 44:58
  point
• 44:58
  in
• 44:58
  midlife,
• 44:59
  perhaps
• 45:00
  I'm
• 45:00
  using
• 45:00
  quite
• 45:00
  an
• 45:00
  extreme
• 45:00
  example.
• 45:01
  But
• 45:01
  I
• 45:01
  think,
• 45:01
  you
• 45:02
  know,
• 45:02
  the,
• 45:03
  the
• 45:03
  Unapologetic
• 45:04
  book
• 45:04
  is
• 45:04
  for
• 45:04
  that.
• 45:05
  It's
• 45:05
  like,
• 45:05
  you
• 45:05
  know
• 45:05
  what,
• 45:06
  it's.
• 45:06
  I've
• 45:07
  said,
• 45:07
  sorry,
• 45:07
  I've
• 45:07
  tried
• 45:07
  to
• 45:08
  fit
• 45:08
  in,
• 45:08
  I've
• 45:08
  tried
• 45:08
  to
• 45:08
  placate
• 45:09
  you.
• 45:09
  I've
• 45:09
  tried
• 45:10
  to
• 45:10
  be
• 45:10
  like
• 45:11
  everyone
• 45:11
  else.
• 45:11
  I've
• 45:12
  done
• 45:12
  that.
• 45:12
  I'm
• 45:13
  now
• 45:13
  in
• 45:13
  mid-40s.
• 45:14
  I'm
• 45:14
  not
• 45:14
  going
• 45:14
  to
• 45:14
  do
• 45:14
  that
• 45:14
  anymore.
• 45:15
  I
• 45:15
  did
• 45:15
  school
• 45:16
  pickup
• 45:16
  today
• 45:16
  in
• 45:17
  a
• 45:17
  black
• 45:17
  full
• 45:18
  length
• 45:18
  dress
• 45:18
  with
• 45:19
  a
• 45:19
  split
• 45:19
  up
• 45:19
  the
• 45:19
  side
• 45:19
  because
• 45:20
  I
• 45:20
  came
• 45:20
  straight
• 45:20
  from
• 45:20
  an
• 45:20
  event
• 45:21
  and
• 45:21
  I
• 45:21
  was
• 45:21
  a
• 45:21
  bit.
• 45:21
  I
• 45:21
  did
• 45:21
  get
• 45:21
  out
• 45:21
  of
• 45:22
  the
• 45:22
  car
• 45:22
  and
• 45:22
  I
• 45:22
  was
• 45:22
  like,
• 45:22
  oh,
• 45:24
  this
• 45:25
  is
• 45:25
  potentially
• 45:26
  a
• 45:27
  bit
• 45:27
  too
• 45:27
  much.
• 45:27
  And
• 45:27
  I
• 45:27
  was
• 45:27
  like,
• 45:28
  you
• 45:29
  know,
• 45:29
  I
• 45:29
  had
• 45:30
  to
• 45:30
  come
• 45:30
  straight
• 45:30
  here.
• 45:31
  This
• 45:31
  is
• 45:31
  what
• 45:31
  we're
• 45:31
  doing
• 45:31
  right
• 45:32
  now.
• 45:32
  I
• 45:32
  think
• 45:32
  maybe
• 45:32
  some
• 45:32
  of
• 45:32
  the
• 45:32
  people
• 45:33
  in
• 45:33
  reception
• 45:33
  were
• 45:33
  like,
• 45:33
  okay,
• 45:33
  bit
• 45:34
  different,
• 45:34
  you
• 45:34
  know,
• 45:35
  that
• 45:35
  actually
• 45:36
  no
• 45:36
  one
• 45:36
  cared
• 45:37
  because
• 45:37
  everyone's
• 45:37
  got
• 45:38
  to
• 45:38
  pick
• 45:38
  up
• 45:38
  their
• 45:38
  own
• 45:38
  kid
• 45:38
  for
• 45:38
  their
• 45:38
  own
• 45:39
  dental
• 45:39
  appointment
• 45:39
  and
• 45:39
  something
• 45:40
  else.
• 45:40
  And
• 45:41
  yeah,
• 45:41
  I
• 45:41
  would
• 45:42
  just
• 45:42
  say
• 45:42
  we've
• 45:43
  done
• 45:43
  it
• 45:43
  one
• 45:44
  way
• 45:44
  so
• 45:44
  far
• 45:45
  to
• 45:45
  this
• 45:45
  point
• 45:45
  and
• 45:45
  we
• 45:45
  are
• 45:46
  at
• 45:46
  the
• 45:46
  midpoint.
• 45:47
  So
• 45:47
  why
• 45:48
  don't
• 45:48
  we
• 45:48
  try
• 45:48
  the
• 45:48
  other
• 45:49
  half
• 45:49
  doing
• 45:49
  it
• 45:50
  how
• 45:50
  we
• 45:50
  like
• 45:51
  and
• 45:51
  see
• 45:51
  how
• 45:51
  we
• 45:52
  feel
• 45:52
  at
• 45:52
  the
• 45:52
  end
• 45:52
  of
• 45:52
  that.
• 45:52
  Because
• 45:53
  I
• 45:53
  think
• 45:53
  that
• 45:53
  we,
• 45:54
  we
• 45:54
  don't
• 45:54
  have,
• 45:54
  you
• 45:55
  know,
• 45:55
  it's
• 45:55
  not
• 45:55
  a
• 45:55
  rehearsal.
• 45:56
  And
• 45:57
  the
• 45:57
  only
• 45:57
  person,
• 45:57
  like
• 45:58
  I
• 45:58
  say,
• 45:58
  with
• 45:58
  the
• 45:59
  tank
• 45:59
  of
• 45:59
  joy
• 45:59
  we
• 45:59
  need
• 45:59
  to
• 46:00
  really
• 46:00
  fill
• 46:00
  is
• 46:00
  our
• 46:00
  own
• 46:01
  in
• 46:01
  order
• 46:02
  to
• 46:02
  give
• 46:02
  that
• 46:02
  to
• 46:02
  those
• 46:03
  that
• 46:03
  we
• 46:03
  really
• 46:03
  love.
• 46:04
  So
• 46:04
  why
• 46:05
  don't
• 46:05
  we
• 46:05
  start
• 46:05
  by
• 46:05
  making
• 46:06
  choices
• 46:06
  that
• 46:06
  suit
• 46:07
  us,
• 46:07
  not
• 46:07
  other
• 46:07
  people?
• 46:08
  Absolutely.
• 46:09
  And
• 46:10
  I
• 46:10
  love
• 46:10
  that
• 46:10
  you
• 46:10
  use
• 46:10
  the
• 46:11
  word
• 46:11
  unshackle,
• 46:12
  which
• 46:12
  is
• 46:12
  so
• 46:12
  visceral.
• 46:13
  You
• 46:13
  know,
• 46:15
  what's
• 46:15
  the
• 46:15
  first
• 46:16
  sort
• 46:17
  of
• 46:18
  chain
• 46:18
  that
• 46:18
  women
• 46:19
  can
• 46:19
  break
• 46:19
  to
• 46:19
  start
• 46:20
  living
• 46:20
  this
• 46:20
  sort
• 46:21
  of
• 46:21
  unapologetic
• 46:21
  life?
• 46:23
  Should.
• 46:24
  So
• 46:24
  let's
• 46:24
  have
• 46:24
  a,
• 46:25
  like
• 46:25
  a
• 46:25
  great.
• 46:25
  I
• 46:25
  should
• 46:26
  in
• 46:26
  my,
• 46:26
  in
• 46:26
  my
• 46:27
  work,
• 46:27
  in
• 46:27
  my
• 46:27
  view,
• 46:28
  you
• 46:28
  should.
• 46:29
  Should
• 46:30
  be
• 46:30
  a
• 46:30
  swear
• 46:30
  word.
• 46:31
  We
• 46:31
  all
• 46:31
  have
• 46:32
  the
• 46:32
  biggest.
• 46:32
  Is
• 46:33
  my
• 46:33
  kitchen.
• 46:33
  We
• 46:33
  have
• 46:33
  the
• 46:33
  biggest
• 46:34
  pile
• 46:34
  of
• 46:34
  shirts.
• 46:34
  I
• 46:35
  should
• 46:36
  write
• 46:36
  those
• 46:36
  thank
• 46:36
  you
• 46:37
  cards.
• 46:37
  I
• 46:37
  should
• 46:37
  call
• 46:38
  so
• 46:38
  and
• 46:38
  so
• 46:38
  I
• 46:39
  should
• 46:39
  get
• 46:39
  back
• 46:39
  to
• 46:39
  them.
• 46:40
  I
• 46:40
  should
• 46:40
  go
• 46:40
  to
• 46:40
  Dry
• 46:40
  cleaners.
• 46:41
  I
• 46:41
  should
• 46:41
  have
• 46:41
  done
• 46:41
  her
• 46:41
  dress
• 46:42
  for
• 46:42
  tomorrow.
• 46:42
  I
• 46:43
  should
• 46:43
  have
• 46:43
  done
• 46:43
  this,
• 46:43
  I
• 46:43
  should
• 46:44
  have
• 46:44
  done
• 46:44
  that.
• 46:44
  I
• 46:44
  should
• 46:45
  lose
• 46:45
  five
• 46:45
  pounds.
• 46:46
  I
• 46:46
  should
• 46:46
  have
• 46:46
  been
• 46:47
  at
• 46:47
  this
• 46:47
  point,
• 46:47
  at
• 46:47
  this
• 46:47
  point
• 46:47
  in
• 46:48
  the
• 46:48
  summer,
• 46:48
  I
• 46:48
  should
• 46:48
  have
• 46:48
  been
• 46:49
  doing
• 46:49
  this
• 46:49
  kind
• 46:49
  of
• 46:49
  thing
• 46:50
  here.
• 46:50
  I
• 46:50
  should
• 46:50
  have
• 46:50
  got
• 46:51
  back
• 46:51
  to
• 46:51
  you.
• 46:51
  I
• 46:52
  should
• 46:52
  have
• 46:52
  done
• 46:52
  that.
• 46:57
  Literally.
• 46:58
  Literally
• 46:59
  a
• 46:59
  massive
• 47:00
  pile
• 47:00
  of
• 47:00
  shirts.
• 47:00
  And
• 47:01
  the
• 47:01
  thing
• 47:01
  is,
• 47:01
  with
• 47:01
  shirts,
• 47:02
  it's
• 47:02
  a
• 47:02
  great
• 47:02
  exercise.
• 47:03
  If
• 47:03
  people
• 47:03
  want
• 47:03
  to
• 47:03
  list
• 47:04
  out
• 47:04
  their
• 47:04
  shoulds,
• 47:04
  please
• 47:05
  list
• 47:05
  them
• 47:05
  out
• 47:06
  and
• 47:06
  then
• 47:07
  have
• 47:07
  a
• 47:07
  look
• 47:08
  at
• 47:08
  it
• 47:08
  and
• 47:09
  have
• 47:09
  a
• 47:09
  look
• 47:09
  at
• 47:09
  how
• 47:10
  many
• 47:10
  of
• 47:10
  those
• 47:10
  shoulds
• 47:10
  are
• 47:11
  for
• 47:11
  you,
• 47:12
  but
• 47:12
  not
• 47:13
  for
• 47:13
  society.
• 47:13
  How
• 47:14
  I
• 47:14
  should
• 47:14
  look,
• 47:15
  not
• 47:15
  for
• 47:16
  other
• 47:16
  people.
• 47:17
  Should
• 47:17
  have
• 47:17
  gotten
• 47:17
  this
• 47:17
  thing,
• 47:18
  done
• 47:18
  this
• 47:18
  thing,
• 47:18
  done
• 47:18
  something
• 47:19
  else.
• 47:19
  Pleasing
• 47:20
  other
• 47:20
  people,
• 47:21
  meeting
• 47:21
  someone
• 47:21
  else's
• 47:22
  needs
• 47:22
  even.
• 47:23
  And
• 47:24
  then
• 47:24
  write
• 47:24
  a
• 47:24
  list.
• 47:25
  I
• 47:25
  did
• 47:25
  eat.
• 47:25
  Do
• 47:25
  a
• 47:25
  little
• 47:26
  cleanse
• 47:26
  there
• 47:26
  on
• 47:27
  and
• 47:27
  then
• 47:27
  write
• 47:27
  a
• 47:27
  list
• 47:28
  of
• 47:28
  what
• 47:28
  you
• 47:29
  want.
• 47:31
  And
• 47:32
  it's
• 47:32
  going
• 47:32
  to
• 47:32
  probably
• 47:32
  be
• 47:32
  much
• 47:33
  shorter.
• 47:33
  Some
• 47:33
  peace.
• 47:35
  Want
• 47:35
  some
• 47:35
  peace?
• 47:36
  I
• 47:37
  want
• 47:37
  a
• 47:38
  beautiful
• 47:39
  cup
• 47:39
  of
• 47:39
  coffee.
• 47:40
  Set
• 47:40
  outside
• 47:41
  in
• 47:41
  the
• 47:41
  sunshine,
• 47:42
  sun
• 47:42
  on
• 47:42
  my
• 47:43
  skin.
• 47:43
  I
• 47:44
  just
• 47:44
  want
• 47:44
  to
• 47:45
  take
• 47:45
  some
• 47:45
  time
• 47:46
  and
• 47:48
  I
• 47:48
  don't
• 47:48
  know,
• 47:48
  do
• 47:48
  a
• 47:49
  little
• 47:49
  declutter,
• 47:50
  a
• 47:50
  few
• 47:50
  space.
• 47:50
  I've
• 47:51
  been
• 47:51
  traveling
• 47:51
  a
• 47:51
  lot
• 47:51
  lately.
• 47:52
  I
• 47:52
  want
• 47:52
  to
• 47:53
  hang
• 47:53
  with
• 47:53
  my
• 47:53
  kid,
• 47:54
  hold
• 47:54
  her
• 47:55
  hand
• 47:55
  in
• 47:55
  mine
• 47:55
  and
• 47:55
  watch
• 47:56
  a
• 47:56
  movie.
• 47:57
  I
• 47:57
  want
• 47:57
  to
• 47:57
  have
• 47:57
  a
• 47:57
  beautiful
• 47:58
  experience
• 47:59
  with
• 47:59
  my
• 47:59
  boyfriend
• 48:00
  and
• 48:00
  have
• 48:00
  an
• 48:01
  amazing
• 48:01
  date
• 48:01
  night.
• 48:02
  Like,
• 48:02
  it's
• 48:03
  a
• 48:03
  very
• 48:03
  different
• 48:04
  list.
• 48:04
  It's
• 48:05
  a
• 48:05
  very
• 48:05
  different
• 48:06
  list.
• 48:06
  Maybe
• 48:06
  I
• 48:06
  do
• 48:06
  want
• 48:07
  to
• 48:07
  move
• 48:07
  my
• 48:07
  body,
• 48:07
  but
• 48:07
  I
• 48:08
  want
• 48:08
  to
• 48:08
  move
• 48:08
  it
• 48:08
  in
• 48:08
  a
• 48:08
  way
• 48:08
  that
• 48:08
  makes
• 48:09
  me
• 48:09
  feel
• 48:09
  good.
• 48:09
  Like
• 48:10
  the
• 48:10
  energy
• 48:10
  is
• 48:11
  totally
• 48:11
  different.
• 48:12
  So
• 48:12
  one
• 48:13
  of
• 48:13
  the
• 48:13
  first
• 48:13
  things
• 48:13
  to
• 48:14
  do,
• 48:14
  please
• 48:14
  everyone,
• 48:16
  even
• 48:16
  make
• 48:16
  a
• 48:17
  pile
• 48:17
  of
• 48:17
  you
• 48:17
  should
• 48:18
  and
• 48:18
  have
• 48:18
  a
• 48:18
  look
• 48:18
  at
• 48:18
  how
• 48:18
  much
• 48:18
  of
• 48:19
  it
• 48:19
  is
• 48:19
  there,
• 48:19
  there.
• 48:20
  And
• 48:20
  then
• 48:20
  I
• 48:20
  would
• 48:20
  say
• 48:21
  go
• 48:21
  through
• 48:22
  that
• 48:22
  and
• 48:22
  be
• 48:22
  really
• 48:23
  rigorous
• 48:24
  and
• 48:24
  if
• 48:24
  need
• 48:24
  to
• 48:24
  be,
• 48:24
  get
• 48:25
  a
• 48:25
  friend.
• 48:25
  An
• 48:25
  accountability
• 48:26
  partner
• 48:26
  is
• 48:26
  great.
• 48:27
  We've
• 48:27
  all
• 48:27
  got
• 48:27
  the
• 48:27
  friend
• 48:27
  that's
• 48:28
  a
• 48:28
  little
• 48:28
  bit
• 48:28
  shouty.
• 48:28
  Get
• 48:29
  that
• 48:29
  one,
• 48:29
  you
• 48:30
  know,
• 48:30
  who's
• 48:30
  like,
• 48:30
  you
• 48:30
  don't
• 48:30
  need
• 48:31
  to
• 48:31
  do
• 48:31
  that.
• 48:31
  You
• 48:31
  don't
• 48:32
  need
• 48:32
  to
• 48:32
  do
• 48:32
  that.
• 48:32
  You
• 48:32
  don't
• 48:33
  need
• 48:33
  to
• 48:33
  do
• 48:33
  that.
• 48:33
  You
• 48:33
  know,
• 48:33
  get
• 48:33
  them
• 48:33
  to
• 48:34
  do
• 48:34
  that.
• 48:34
  You
• 48:34
  can
• 48:34
  even
• 48:34
  put
• 48:34
  it
• 48:35
  on
• 48:35
  like
• 48:35
  the
• 48:35
  parking
• 48:35
  lot
• 48:35
  we
• 48:36
  call
• 48:36
  it,
• 48:36
  so
• 48:36
  you
• 48:36
  can
• 48:36
  have
• 48:36
  it
• 48:37
  for
• 48:37
  later
• 48:37
  and
• 48:38
  you
• 48:38
  can
• 48:38
  agree
• 48:38
  to
• 48:38
  come
• 48:38
  back
• 48:39
  to
• 48:39
  it
• 48:39
  in
• 48:39
  a
• 48:39
  week,
• 48:39
  two
• 48:40
  weeks,
• 48:40
  a
• 48:40
  month,
• 48:40
  whatever.
• 48:41
  Spoiler
• 48:42
  alert.
• 48:42
  When
• 48:42
  you
• 48:42
  do,
• 48:42
  it's
• 48:43
  probably
• 48:43
  completely
• 48:44
  irrelevant.
• 48:44
  But
• 48:45
  you
• 48:45
  know,
• 48:45
  nail
• 48:45
  down
• 48:46
  the
• 48:46
  absolute.
• 48:47
  The
• 48:47
  world
• 48:47
  will
• 48:47
  stop
• 48:48
  turning
• 48:48
  if
• 48:48
  I
• 48:48
  don't
• 48:49
  do
• 48:49
  these
• 48:49
  shoulds.
• 48:50
  Probably
• 48:50
  for
• 48:51
  me,
• 48:51
  something
• 48:51
  school
• 48:51
  related,
• 48:52
  whatever,
• 48:53
  you
• 48:53
  know,
• 48:53
  but
• 48:53
  like
• 48:53
  there's
• 48:54
  not
• 48:54
  many.
• 48:55
  And
• 48:55
  then
• 48:56
  look
• 48:56
  at
• 48:56
  how
• 48:56
  much
• 48:56
  space
• 48:57
  you've
• 48:57
  suddenly
• 48:58
  created
• 48:59
  for
• 48:59
  something
• 49:00
  that
• 49:00
  you
• 49:00
  want.
• 49:01
  And
• 49:01
  we
• 49:01
  almost
• 49:01
  feel
• 49:02
  like
• 49:02
  we
• 49:02
  can't.
• 49:02
  This
• 49:02
  again
• 49:03
  is
• 49:03
  the
• 49:03
  shaming,
• 49:03
  the
• 49:03
  good
• 49:04
  girling
• 49:04
  that
• 49:04
  be
• 49:04
  busy,
• 49:05
  the
• 49:05
  do,
• 49:05
  do,
• 49:05
  do,
• 49:05
  do,
• 49:06
  do,
• 49:06
  the
• 49:06
  earn
• 49:06
  love,
• 49:06
  the,
• 49:07
  you
• 49:07
  know,
• 49:08
  task,
• 49:08
  task,
• 49:09
  task,
• 49:09
  task,
• 49:09
  task.
• 49:10
  It's
• 49:10
  almost
• 49:11
  going
• 49:11
  to
• 49:11
  feel
• 49:11
  uncomfortable.
• 49:12
  To
• 49:12
  start
• 49:12
  with,
• 49:12
  you've
• 49:13
  got
• 49:13
  to
• 49:13
  build
• 49:13
  the
• 49:13
  muscle
• 49:14
  of
• 49:15
  want,
• 49:15
  want.
• 49:15
  We've
• 49:16
  got
• 49:16
  to
• 49:16
  learn
• 49:16
  to
• 49:17
  drop
• 49:17
  the
• 49:18
  shoulds.
• 49:18
  But
• 49:19
  that's
• 49:19
  one
• 49:19
  of
• 49:19
  the
• 49:19
  most
• 49:20
  amazing
• 49:20
  things.
• 49:20
  It's
• 49:21
  a
• 49:21
  great
• 49:21
  gift
• 49:21
  you
• 49:21
  can
• 49:21
  give
• 49:21
  to
• 49:22
  yourself.
• 49:22
  Oh,
• 49:23
  that's
• 49:23
  great.
• 49:24
  And
• 49:24
  for
• 49:24
  the
• 49:24
  women
• 49:25
  who
• 49:25
  really
• 49:26
  feel
• 49:26
  stuck
• 49:26
  right
• 49:27
  now
• 49:27
  and
• 49:27
  ashamed
• 49:28
  and
• 49:28
  like,
• 49:29
  what
• 49:29
  is
• 49:30
  the
• 49:30
  very
• 49:30
  first
• 49:31
  thing
• 49:31
  they
• 49:31
  can
• 49:31
  do
• 49:32
  today?
• 49:32
  Like,
• 49:33
  today,
• 49:33
  after
• 49:33
  they
• 49:34
  listen
• 49:34
  to
• 49:34
  this
• 49:35
  to
• 49:35
  start,
• 49:35
  you
• 49:36
  know,
• 49:36
  letting
• 49:36
  go
• 49:36
  of
• 49:36
  the
• 49:36
  shame
• 49:37
  and
• 49:37
  really
• 49:38
  stepping
• 49:38
  to
• 49:38
  the
• 49:39
  person
• 49:39
  they
• 49:39
  want
• 49:39
  to
• 49:40
  be
• 49:40
  or
• 49:40
  need
• 49:41
  of
• 49:41
  you.
• 49:42
  I
• 49:42
  am
• 49:42
  out
• 49:42
  of
• 49:43
  time.
• 49:44
  I'm
• 49:44
  too
• 49:44
  late.
• 49:45
  Ashamed.
• 49:47
  So
• 49:47
  the
• 49:47
  first
• 49:47
  thing
• 49:48
  they
• 49:48
  can
• 49:48
  do
• 49:48
  is
• 49:48
  write
• 49:49
  that
• 49:49
  down
• 49:49
  and
• 49:49
  go
• 49:49
  and
• 49:49
  burn
• 49:50
  it,
• 49:50
  honestly,
• 49:51
  because
• 49:51
  it's
• 49:52
  just
• 49:52
  a
• 49:52
  lie.
• 49:52
  That's
• 49:53
  an
• 49:53
  absolute
• 49:54
  lie.
• 49:54
  And.
• 49:55
  Or
• 49:55
  interrogate
• 49:56
  it.
• 49:56
  So
• 49:57
  another
• 49:57
  thing
• 49:57
  to
• 49:57
  do
• 49:57
  is
• 49:58
  be
• 49:58
  to
• 49:58
  look
• 49:58
  at
• 49:58
  that,
• 49:59
  whatever
• 49:59
  the
• 49:59
  state,
• 49:59
  try
• 50:00
  and
• 50:00
  do
• 50:00
  the
• 50:00
  statement,
• 50:00
  I
• 50:00
  am
• 50:01
  out
• 50:01
  of
• 50:01
  time,
• 50:01
  I
• 50:01
  am
• 50:01
  too
• 50:02
  late,
• 50:03
  I
• 50:04
  am
• 50:04
  slow,
• 50:04
  I
• 50:04
  am
• 50:05
  lazy,
• 50:05
  whatever
• 50:05
  it
• 50:05
  might
• 50:05
  be
• 50:06
  that
• 50:06
  is
• 50:06
  like
• 50:06
  under,
• 50:06
  underneath
• 50:07
  that
• 50:07
  balloon
• 50:07
  belief,
• 50:08
  then
• 50:08
  really
• 50:08
  dig
• 50:09
  into
• 50:09
  it.
• 50:09
  Because,
• 50:10
  I
• 50:11
  mean,
• 50:11
  one
• 50:11
  of
• 50:11
  my
• 50:12
  questions
• 50:12
  would
• 50:13
  be,
• 50:13
  is
• 50:14
  that
• 50:14
  yours?
• 50:15
  As
• 50:16
  in,
• 50:16
  is
• 50:16
  that
• 50:17
  really
• 50:17
  awesome?
• 50:17
  People
• 50:17
  go,
• 50:18
  yeah,
• 50:18
  yeah,
• 50:18
  I
• 50:18
  do
• 50:18
  believe
• 50:18
  that.
• 50:18
  Of
• 50:19
  course
• 50:19
  I
• 50:19
  do.
• 50:19
  I'm
• 50:20
  60,
• 50:20
  I'm
• 50:20
  whatever.
• 50:21
  I'm
• 50:21
  too
• 50:21
  late
• 50:22
  for
• 50:22
  me
• 50:22
  to
• 50:22
  find
• 50:22
  love.
• 50:23
  And
• 50:23
  I'll
• 50:23
  be
• 50:23
  like,
• 50:23
  whoa,
• 50:24
  whoa,
• 50:24
  whoa,
• 50:24
  hang
• 50:24
  on,
• 50:25
  is
• 50:26
  it
• 50:27
  yours?
• 50:28
  Or
• 50:28
  did
• 50:28
  someone
• 50:29
  or
• 50:30
  something
• 50:30
  give
• 50:30
  that
• 50:31
  to
• 50:31
  you?
• 50:31
  I.
• 50:31
  E.
• 50:32
  Did
• 50:32
  you
• 50:32
  grow
• 50:32
  up
• 50:32
  thinking
• 50:33
  that?
• 50:33
  That.
• 50:33
  Did
• 50:33
  you
• 50:34
  grow
• 50:34
  up
• 50:34
  thinking
• 50:34
  60
• 50:34
  was
• 50:35
  too
• 50:35
  old
• 50:35
  for
• 50:35
  love?
• 50:35
  Did
• 50:36
  you
• 50:36
  grow
• 50:36
  up
• 50:37
  with,
• 50:37
  have
• 50:37
  you
• 50:37
  seen
• 50:38
  positive
• 50:38
  role
• 50:39
  models?
• 50:39
  Has
• 50:39
  somebody
• 50:40
  else
• 50:40
  said
• 50:40
  to
• 50:40
  you,
• 50:41
  you'll
• 50:41
  never
• 50:42
  find
• 50:43
  love?
• 50:43
  You
• 50:43
  know,
• 50:44
  where
• 50:44
  has
• 50:44
  this
• 50:45
  belief
• 50:45
  come
• 50:45
  from?
• 50:46
  Because
• 50:47
  I'm
• 50:48
  willing
• 50:48
  to
• 50:48
  pretty
• 50:49
  much
• 50:49
  bet
• 50:49
  it's
• 50:50
  come
• 50:50
  from
• 50:50
  other
• 50:51
  places
• 50:51
  that
• 50:51
  you've
• 50:52
  collected
• 50:52
  along
• 50:52
  the
• 50:53
  way.
• 50:53
  And
• 50:53
  it's
• 50:54
  just
• 50:54
  been
• 50:54
  revalidated
• 50:55
  a
• 50:56
  lot
• 50:56
  by
• 50:57
  negative
• 50:58
  experiences,
• 50:58
  commentary,
• 51:00
  social
• 51:00
  media.
• 51:02
  I
• 51:02
  mean,
• 51:02
  here's,
• 51:03
  here's
• 51:03
  an
• 51:03
  unbelievable
• 51:05
  fact.
• 51:05
  But
• 51:06
  they
• 51:06
  know
• 51:07
  now
• 51:07
  to
• 51:07
  push
• 51:07
  beauty
• 51:08
  products
• 51:08
  to
• 51:08
  young
• 51:09
  girls
• 51:09
  according
• 51:10
  to
• 51:10
  how
• 51:10
  many
• 51:10
  selfies
• 51:11
  they've
• 51:11
  taken.
• 51:12
  So
• 51:12
  they
• 51:12
  know
• 51:13
  that
• 51:13
  if
• 51:13
  they've
• 51:13
  taken
• 51:14
  60,
• 51:14
  70
• 51:15
  selfies,
• 51:15
  it
• 51:16
  means
• 51:16
  they
• 51:16
  didn't
• 51:16
  like
• 51:16
  them
• 51:17
  because
• 51:17
  if
• 51:17
  you
• 51:17
  took
• 51:17
  one,
• 51:17
  you
• 51:17
  loved
• 51:18
  it,
• 51:18
  you'd
• 51:18
  stop.
• 51:19
  And
• 51:19
  so
• 51:19
  the
• 51:19
  second.
• 51:20
  Then
• 51:20
  they
• 51:20
  go
• 51:20
  on
• 51:20
  to
• 51:20
  their
• 51:20
  algorithm,
• 51:21
  they're
• 51:21
  immediately
• 51:22
  pushed
• 51:22
  with
• 51:22
  beauty
• 51:23
  products
• 51:23
  because
• 51:24
  they're
• 51:24
  Obviously
• 51:24
  feeling
• 51:25
  insecure.
• 51:25
  Feel
• 51:26
  so.
• 51:27
  Isn't
• 51:27
  that
• 51:27
  terrible?
• 51:27
  That's
• 51:28
  insane.
• 51:28
  Gosh.
• 51:29
  Isn't
• 51:29
  that
• 51:29
  terrible?
• 51:30
  Yeah.
• 51:30
  Yeah.
• 51:30
  So
• 51:30
  they
• 51:31
  know
• 51:31
  that
• 51:32
  how
• 51:32
  many
• 51:32
  you've
• 51:32
  taken
• 51:32
  because
• 51:33
  it
• 51:33
  probably
• 51:33
  means
• 51:33
  that
• 51:34
  you
• 51:34
  were
• 51:34
  not
• 51:35
  just
• 51:35
  randomly
• 51:35
  take.
• 51:36
  You
• 51:36
  know,
• 51:36
  you
• 51:36
  probably
• 51:36
  went
• 51:37
  loving
• 51:37
  60
• 51:37
  photos.
• 51:38
  You
• 51:39
  did
• 51:39
  that
• 51:39
  many.
• 51:39
  And
• 51:40
  then
• 51:40
  when
• 51:40
  you
• 51:40
  open
• 51:40
  your
• 51:41
  phone
• 51:41
  to
• 51:41
  go
• 51:41
  onto
• 51:41
  a
• 51:41
  social
• 51:41
  media
• 51:42
  channel
• 51:42
  or
• 51:42
  a
• 51:42
  place
• 51:42
  they
• 51:43
  can
• 51:43
  place
• 51:43
  an
• 51:43
  ad,
• 51:44
  you're
• 51:45
  going
• 51:45
  to
• 51:45
  get
• 51:45
  pushed
• 51:46
  beauty
• 51:46
  products
• 51:47
  because
• 51:47
  you
• 51:47
  feel
• 51:47
  insecure.
• 51:48
  So
• 51:48
  that's
• 51:49
  what
• 51:49
  I
• 51:49
  mean
• 51:49
  about
• 51:49
  interrogating
• 51:50
  these
• 51:50
  beliefs.
• 51:51
  Is
• 51:52
  it
• 51:52
  yours?
• 51:53
  Do
• 51:53
  you
• 51:54
  really
• 51:54
  believe
• 51:55
  you're
• 51:55
  out
• 51:55
  of
• 51:55
  time?
• 51:56
  Really?
• 51:56
  And
• 51:57
  if
• 51:57
  you
• 51:57
  weren't,
• 51:58
  if
• 51:58
  you
• 51:58
  dig
• 51:58
  into
• 51:58
  that
• 51:59
  belief
• 51:59
  and
• 51:59
  kind
• 51:59
  of
• 51:59
  should
• 51:59
  it
• 51:59
  again,
• 52:00
  like,
• 52:00
  where
• 52:00
  did
• 52:01
  it
• 52:01
  come
• 52:01
  from?
• 52:02
  If
• 52:02
  that
• 52:02
  wasn't
• 52:03
  true,
• 52:04
  what
• 52:04
  would
• 52:04
  you
• 52:05
  do?
• 52:05
  I
• 52:06
  booker
• 52:06
  I'd.
• 52:07
  You
• 52:08
  know
• 52:08
  what?
• 52:08
  I'd
• 52:08
  take
• 52:08
  the
• 52:08
  pressure
• 52:09
  off
• 52:09
  probably.
• 52:10
  That's
• 52:10
  probably
• 52:10
  what
• 52:10
  I'd
• 52:10
  do
• 52:10
  if
• 52:10
  I
• 52:10
  felt
• 52:10
  like
• 52:11
  I
• 52:11
  was
• 52:11
  too
• 52:11
  late.
• 52:11
  I
• 52:11
  probably
• 52:11
  go,
• 52:12
  oh,
• 52:14
  I
• 52:14
  wouldn't.
• 52:14
  I
• 52:14
  wouldn't
• 52:15
  feel
• 52:15
  like
• 52:15
  a
• 52:15
  failure.
• 52:16
  I
• 52:16
  would
• 52:17
  book
• 52:17
  that
• 52:18
  trip
• 52:18
  that
• 52:18
  I've
• 52:18
  been
• 52:19
  saving
• 52:19
  for
• 52:20
  when
• 52:20
  I
• 52:20
  met
• 52:21
  someone
• 52:21
  or
• 52:21
  when
• 52:21
  this
• 52:22
  thing
• 52:22
  happened.
• 52:22
  The
• 52:22
  I'll
• 52:22
  be
• 52:23
  happy.
• 52:23
  When
• 52:23
  I'd
• 52:24
  go
• 52:24
  anyway,
• 52:24
  I
• 52:25
  would
• 52:25
  do
• 52:26
  that
• 52:26
  spare
• 52:27
  bedroom
• 52:27
  up
• 52:27
  for
• 52:28
  me
• 52:29
  because
• 52:29
  I
• 52:29
  don't
• 52:29
  mind
• 52:30
  if
• 52:30
  a
• 52:30
  future
• 52:30
  partner
• 52:31
  likes
• 52:31
  that
• 52:31
  paint
• 52:31
  color
• 52:32
  or
• 52:32
  not.
• 52:32
  I
• 52:32
  love
• 52:32
  it
• 52:33
  and
• 52:33
  it
• 52:33
  makes
• 52:33
  me
• 52:33
  feel
• 52:34
  great.
• 52:34
  You
• 52:34
  know,
• 52:35
  that's
• 52:35
  the.
• 52:36
  That's
• 52:36
  what
• 52:36
  I'd
• 52:36
  be
• 52:36
  doing
• 52:37
  and
• 52:37
  that's
• 52:37
  what
• 52:37
  I'd
• 52:37
  say
• 52:37
  to
• 52:38
  people.
• 52:38
  Please
• 52:38
  inter
• 52:39
  find
• 52:39
  the
• 52:39
  belief
• 52:40
  and
• 52:41
  please
• 52:41
  look
• 52:41
  at
• 52:42
  where
• 52:42
  that
• 52:42
  came
• 52:42
  from.
• 52:42
  From.
• 52:43
  Because
• 52:44
  none
• 52:44
  of
• 52:44
  us
• 52:44
  are
• 52:45
  born
• 52:45
  with
• 52:45
  shame.
• 52:46
  None
• 52:46
  of
• 52:46
  us
• 52:46
  are
• 52:46
  born
• 52:47
  with
• 52:47
  these
• 52:47
  I
• 52:47
  am
• 52:47
  statements.
• 52:48
  They
• 52:48
  are
• 52:49
  often
• 52:50
  given
• 52:50
  to
• 52:51
  us
• 52:51
  during
• 52:51
  traumatic
• 52:51
  events
• 52:52
  and
• 52:52
  other
• 52:53
  languages
• 52:53
  and
• 52:53
  they
• 52:53
  are
• 52:54
  revalidated
• 52:55
  throughout
• 52:56
  other
• 52:56
  things
• 52:56
  in
• 52:56
  society
• 52:58
  and
• 52:58
  then
• 52:58
  almost
• 52:58
  gone
• 52:59
  a
• 52:59
  detox
• 52:59
  of
• 52:59
  those
• 53:00
  things
• 53:01
  and
• 53:01
  then
• 53:01
  see
• 53:01
  how
• 53:01
  you
• 53:02
  feel.
• 53:02
  Like
• 53:02
  one
• 53:02
  of
• 53:02
  my
• 53:02
  little
• 53:03
  favorite
• 53:03
  sayings
• 53:03
  is
• 53:04
  ask
• 53:04
  me
• 53:04
  on
• 53:04
  a
• 53:04
  different
• 53:05
  day.
• 53:06
  So
• 53:06
  that's
• 53:06
  another
• 53:06
  piece
• 53:06
  of
• 53:06
  advice.
• 53:07
  Is
• 53:08
  that
• 53:08
  not
• 53:09
  that
• 53:09
  voice
• 53:09
  probably
• 53:10
  isn't
• 53:10
  always
• 53:11
  loud
• 53:13
  all
• 53:13
  of
• 53:13
  the
• 53:13
  time,
• 53:14
  but
• 53:14
  it
• 53:14
  might
• 53:15
  be
• 53:15
  on.
• 53:15
  You
• 53:15
  know,
• 53:16
  a
• 53:16
  good
• 53:16
  example
• 53:16
  would
• 53:16
  be
• 53:17
  Sunday
• 53:17
  night.
• 53:17
  Maybe
• 53:18
  you've
• 53:18
  had
• 53:18
  a
• 53:18
  few
• 53:18
  cheeky
• 53:19
  wines
• 53:19
  on
• 53:19
  a
• 53:19
  Saturday,
• 53:19
  a
• 53:19
  few
• 53:20
  roses
• 53:20
  in
• 53:20
  the
• 53:20
  sun
• 53:20
  in
• 53:21
  the
• 53:21
  English
• 53:21
  summer,
• 53:21
  and
• 53:22
  you
• 53:22
  may
• 53:22
  be
• 53:22
  a
• 53:22
  little
• 53:22
  bit
• 53:22
  tired
• 53:23
  and
• 53:23
  emotional.
• 53:23
  That
• 53:24
  is
• 53:24
  not
• 53:24
  the
• 53:24
  time
• 53:25
  for
• 53:25
  me
• 53:25
  to
• 53:25
  start
• 53:25
  doom
• 53:26
  scrolling
• 53:26
  and
• 53:26
  comparing
• 53:27
  my
• 53:27
  body
• 53:27
  to
• 53:28
  someone
• 53:28
  else's
• 53:28
  on
• 53:29
  Instagram.
• 53:29
  That
• 53:30
  is
• 53:30
  not
• 53:30
  the
• 53:30
  time.
• 53:31
  You
• 53:31
  know,
• 53:31
  good
• 53:32
  night's
• 53:32
  sleep,
• 53:33
  nice
• 53:33
  meal,
• 53:34
  back
• 53:35
  into
• 53:35
  my
• 53:35
  routine.
• 53:36
  I
• 53:36
  could
• 53:36
  look
• 53:36
  at
• 53:37
  that
• 53:37
  the
• 53:37
  next
• 53:37
  day
• 53:37
  and
• 53:37
  it
• 53:37
  would
• 53:37
  have
• 53:38
  no
• 53:38
  effect
• 53:38
  on
• 53:38
  me.
• 53:39
  Me.
• 53:39
  So
• 53:39
  it's
• 53:40
  kind
• 53:40
  of
• 53:40
  also
• 53:41
  doing
• 53:41
  good
• 53:41
  hygiene
• 53:42
  with
• 53:42
  yourself
• 53:43
  as
• 53:43
  well
• 53:43
  in
• 53:43
  that.
• 53:44
  Hang
• 53:44
  on
• 53:44
  a
• 53:44
  minute.
• 53:44
  I'm
• 53:45
  feeling
• 53:45
  really
• 53:45
  insecure.
• 53:46
  I
• 53:46
  feel
• 53:46
  like
• 53:46
  I'm
• 53:46
  really
• 53:46
  susceptible
• 53:47
  to
• 53:47
  the
• 53:47
  shooting
• 53:48
  and
• 53:48
  the
• 53:48
  shaming
• 53:48
  and
• 53:48
  the
• 53:49
  really
• 53:49
  being
• 53:49
  down
• 53:49
  on
• 53:49
  myself.
• 53:50
  Let
• 53:50
  me
• 53:51
  just
• 53:51
  check
• 53:51
  my
• 53:52
  foundations
• 53:53
  being
• 53:53
  looked
• 53:54
  after
• 53:54
  properly.
• 53:54
  Have
• 53:54
  I
• 53:54
  had
• 53:55
  enough
• 53:55
  sleep?
• 53:55
  I
• 53:55
  made,
• 53:56
  you
• 53:56
  know,
• 53:56
  the
• 53:56
  best
• 53:57
  possible
• 53:57
  sleep
• 53:57
  hygiene
• 53:58
  that
• 53:58
  I
• 53:58
  can
• 53:58
  to
• 53:59
  facilitate
• 53:59
  that.
• 53:59
  The
• 54:00
  best
• 54:00
  way
• 54:00
  I
• 54:00
  can
• 54:00
  choose
• 54:01
  what
• 54:01
  food
• 54:01
  I'm
• 54:01
  eating
• 54:02
  to
• 54:02
  the
• 54:02
  best
• 54:02
  of
• 54:02
  my
• 54:02
  ability.
• 54:03
  I
• 54:03
  can
• 54:04
  choose
• 54:04
  the
• 54:04
  people
• 54:05
  that
• 54:05
  I'm
• 54:05
  around
• 54:05
  because
• 54:06
  maybe
• 54:06
  sometimes
• 54:07
  I'm
• 54:07
  around
• 54:07
  certain
• 54:08
  people
• 54:08
  that
• 54:08
  are
• 54:08
  adding
• 54:09
  to
• 54:09
  that
• 54:09
  feeling
• 54:09
  of,
• 54:10
  of
• 54:10
  negativity
• 54:11
  or
• 54:11
  limiting
• 54:12
  beliefs
• 54:12
  for
• 54:12
  me.
• 54:13
  Like
• 54:13
  have
• 54:13
  a
• 54:14
  look
• 54:14
  at
• 54:14
  the
• 54:14
  environmental
• 54:15
  factors
• 54:16
  and
• 54:16
  then
• 54:16
  quite
• 54:17
  often
• 54:17
  bit
• 54:17
  like
• 54:17
  the
• 54:17
  list
• 54:18
  of
• 54:18
  shoulds
• 54:18
  that
• 54:18
  you
• 54:18
  can
• 54:19
  put
• 54:19
  in
• 54:19
  the
• 54:19
  parking
• 54:19
  lot.
• 54:20
  Ask
• 54:20
  me
• 54:20
  on
• 54:21
  a
• 54:21
  different
• 54:21
  day
• 54:21
  because
• 54:22
  tomorrow
• 54:22
  it's
• 54:23
  going
• 54:23
  to
• 54:23
  be
• 54:23
  something
• 54:23
  completely
• 54:24
  different
• 54:24
  for
• 54:24
  me.
• 54:25
  Absolutely.
• 54:25
  Oh
• 54:26
  my
• 54:26
  gosh.
• 54:26
  And
• 54:26
  it's
• 54:26
  so
• 54:26
  much
• 54:27
  of
• 54:27
  it
• 54:27
  too,
• 54:27
  I
• 54:27
  feel
• 54:27
  like
• 54:27
  is
• 54:28
  hormone
• 54:29
  driven.
• 54:29
  Like
• 54:29
  if
• 54:29
  I'm
• 54:30
  feeling,
• 54:30
  you
• 54:30
  know,
• 54:31
  based
• 54:31
  on
• 54:32
  our
• 54:32
  cycles
• 54:32
  and
• 54:33
  oh
• 54:33
  my
• 54:33
  gosh,
• 54:34
  you
• 54:34
  can
• 54:34
  feel
• 54:34
  so
• 54:34
  bad
• 54:35
  about
• 54:35
  yourself,
• 54:35
  yourself
• 54:35
  one
• 54:35
  day
• 54:36
  and
• 54:36
  then
• 54:36
  the
• 54:36
  next
• 54:37
  day
• 54:37
  like
• 54:37
  you're
• 54:37
  saying
• 54:37
  something
• 54:38
  doesn't
• 54:38
  even
• 54:38
  bother
• 54:39
  you.
• 54:39
  Yeah,
• 54:39
  completely.
• 54:40
  And
• 54:40
  so
• 54:40
  it's
• 54:41
  the,
• 54:41
  it's
• 54:41
  the.
• 54:41
  And
• 54:41
  be
• 54:41
  really
• 54:42
  kind
• 54:42
  to
• 54:42
  yourself.
• 54:43
  That's
• 54:43
  the
• 54:43
  other
• 54:43
  thing
• 54:43
  I
• 54:43
  think
• 54:43
  we
• 54:44
  do
• 54:44
  is
• 54:44
  that
• 54:44
  we
• 54:44
  have
• 54:44
  that,
• 54:45
  you
• 54:45
  know,
• 54:45
  like
• 54:46
  on,
• 54:47
  on
• 54:47
  Saturday
• 54:47
  it's
• 54:48
  the
• 54:48
  solstice.
• 54:48
  I
• 54:48
  found
• 54:48
  out
• 54:49
  today
• 54:49
  that
• 54:49
  we
• 54:49
  used
• 54:49
  to
• 54:50
  all
• 54:50
  bleed
• 54:50
  at
• 54:51
  the
• 54:51
  same
• 54:51
  time
• 54:51
  on
• 54:51
  the
• 54:51
  new
• 54:52
  moon
• 54:52
  and
• 54:52
  it
• 54:52
  would
• 54:53
  be
• 54:53
  called
• 54:53
  the
• 54:53
  red
• 54:54
  heart
• 54:54
  or
• 54:55
  something
• 54:55
  where
• 54:55
  we'd
• 54:55
  all
• 54:55
  go
• 54:55
  and
• 54:55
  gather
• 54:56
  together
• 54:57
  and
• 54:57
  we
• 54:57
  would
• 54:58
  ask
• 54:58
  each
• 54:58
  other
• 54:58
  what
• 54:59
  we
• 54:59
  needed
• 54:59
  to
• 54:59
  best
• 55:00
  support
• 55:00
  one
• 55:00
  another
• 55:00
  and
• 55:00
  how
• 55:01
  we
• 55:01
  all
• 55:01
  were
• 55:01
  like
• 55:01
  the
• 55:02
  complete
• 55:02
  community
• 55:03
  around
• 55:03
  that.
• 55:03
  Like
• 55:04
  such
• 55:04
  sisterhood,
• 55:05
  good
• 55:05
  magic.
• 55:05
  I
• 55:05
  love
• 55:06
  it.
• 55:06
  And
• 55:07
  yeah,
• 55:07
  but
• 55:07
  we
• 55:08
  now
• 55:08
  I
• 55:08
  think
• 55:09
  again
• 55:09
  we
• 55:09
  don't
• 55:10
  want
• 55:10
  to
• 55:10
  show
• 55:10
  it.
• 55:10
  You
• 55:10
  know,
• 55:11
  take
• 55:11
  a
• 55:12
  sanitary
• 55:12
  product
• 55:12
  under
• 55:13
  your
• 55:13
  hand,
• 55:13
  under
• 55:13
  your
• 55:14
  sleeve
• 55:14
  to
• 55:14
  the
• 55:14
  toilet.
• 55:14
  Like
• 55:15
  heaven
• 55:15
  forbid
• 55:15
  someone
• 55:15
  knows
• 55:16
  you're
• 55:16
  having
• 55:16
  a
• 55:16
  period.
• 55:17
  You
• 55:17
  know,
• 55:17
  it's
• 55:17
  all
• 55:17
  this
• 55:17
  like
• 55:18
  hiding
• 55:18
  at
• 55:18
  the
• 55:18
  perimenopause
• 55:19
  stuff
• 55:19
  and
• 55:21
  not
• 55:21
  asking
• 55:22
  for
• 55:22
  help
• 55:22
  or
• 55:23
  you
• 55:23
  know,
• 55:23
  not
• 55:23
  saying
• 55:24
  and
• 55:24
  those
• 55:24
  sorts
• 55:25
  of
• 55:25
  things
• 55:25
  and
• 55:25
  then
• 55:25
  having
• 55:26
  a
• 55:26
  reaction
• 55:27
  that's
• 55:27
  not
• 55:27
  perfect
• 55:28
  and
• 55:29
  then
• 55:29
  we
• 55:29
  shame
• 55:29
  ourselves
• 55:30
  for
• 55:30
  that
• 55:30
  even
• 55:30
  more.
• 55:30
  You're
• 55:31
  like,
• 55:31
  like
• 55:31
  I'm
• 55:32
  literally
• 55:32
  this
• 55:33
  hormonal
• 55:34
  moon
• 55:35
  based
• 55:35
  goddess
• 55:36
  creature.
• 55:36
  And
• 55:37
  you
• 55:37
  know,
• 55:37
  that's
• 55:38
  happening
• 55:38
  to
• 55:38
  me
• 55:38
  right
• 55:38
  now.
• 55:39
  So
• 55:39
  being
• 55:39
  really
• 55:39
  hard
• 55:40
  on
• 55:40
  yourself
• 55:40
  when
• 55:40
  actually
• 55:41
  your
• 55:41
  body's
• 55:42
  begging
• 55:42
  you
• 55:43
  in
• 55:43
  that
• 55:43
  moment
• 55:43
  for
• 55:44
  softness
• 55:44
  and
• 55:44
  kindness
• 55:45
  due
• 55:45
  to
• 55:45
  you
• 55:45
  being
• 55:45
  more
• 55:46
  sensitive.
• 55:47
  It's
• 55:47
  counterproductive
• 55:48
  as
• 55:48
  well.
• 55:49
  What
• 55:49
  advice
• 55:50
  would
• 55:50
  you
• 55:50
  give
• 55:51
  your
• 55:51
  25
• 55:51
  year
• 55:52
  old
• 55:52
  self?
• 55:54
  She
• 55:54
  was,
• 55:55
  she
• 55:55
  was
• 55:55
  heading
• 55:56
  towards
• 55:56
  a
• 55:56
  burner
• 55:57
  out.
• 55:57
  So
• 55:59
  yeah,
• 56:00
  she
• 56:00
  was
• 56:00
  ignoring
• 56:01
  a
• 56:01
  lot
• 56:01
  of
• 56:01
  stuff.
• 56:01
  She
• 56:02
  was
• 56:02
  sweeping
• 56:02
  stuff
• 56:02
  under
• 56:02
  the
• 56:03
  rug.
• 56:03
  She
• 56:03
  was
• 56:04
  wildly
• 56:05
  careering
• 56:06
  towards
• 56:06
  a
• 56:06
  burnout.
• 56:08
  I
• 56:08
  would
• 56:08
  just,
• 56:08
  I
• 56:08
  would
• 56:09
  really
• 56:09
  want
• 56:09
  to
• 56:09
  tell
• 56:09
  her
• 56:09
  it's
• 56:09
  going
• 56:10
  to
• 56:10
  be
• 56:10
  okay.
• 56:10
  And
• 56:10
  you
• 56:10
  don't
• 56:11
  need
• 56:11
  to,
• 56:11
  you
• 56:12
  don't
• 56:12
  need
• 56:12
  to
• 56:14
  be
• 56:14
  so
• 56:14
  hyper
• 56:15
  independent
• 56:15
  and
• 56:15
  you
• 56:15
  don't
• 56:16
  need
• 56:16
  to
• 56:16
  push
• 56:16
  so
• 56:17
  hard.
• 56:17
  You
• 56:17
  can,
• 56:18
  it's
• 56:18
  okay.
• 56:19
  The
• 56:19
  kind
• 56:19
  of
• 56:19
  thing
• 56:20
  I
• 56:20
  almost
• 56:20
  full
• 56:20
  circled
• 56:21
  with
• 56:21
  like,
• 56:22
  you
• 56:22
  are
• 56:22
  lovable,
• 56:23
  you
• 56:23
  are
• 56:23
  worthy
• 56:24
  of
• 56:24
  love.
• 56:24
  Love
• 56:24
  exactly
• 56:25
  as
• 56:25
  you
• 56:25
  are.
• 56:26
  You
• 56:26
  have
• 56:26
  nothing
• 56:27
  to
• 56:27
  prove.
• 56:28
  And
• 56:29
  how
• 56:29
  are
• 56:29
  you
• 56:29
  living
• 56:30
  iconically
• 56:31
  right
• 56:31
  now?
• 56:32
  Oh,
• 56:33
  I
• 56:33
  love
• 56:33
  that
• 56:33
  question.
• 56:34
  I
• 56:34
  mean,
• 56:34
  the
• 56:34
  school
• 56:34
  pickup
• 56:35
  was
• 56:35
  quite
• 56:35
  iconic,
• 56:35
  I've
• 56:35
  got
• 56:36
  to
• 56:36
  be
• 56:36
  honest.
• 56:36
  That
• 56:36
  was
• 56:37
  like,
• 56:37
  I
• 56:37
  actually
• 56:38
  had
• 56:38
  a
• 56:38
  lot
• 56:38
  more
• 56:38
  jewelry
• 56:38
  on
• 56:39
  then
• 56:39
  I'd
• 56:39
  do
• 56:39
  snake
• 56:39
  earrings.
• 56:40
  I
• 56:40
  had
• 56:40
  this
• 56:41
  big
• 56:41
  diamond
• 56:41
  choker
• 56:42
  on.
• 56:43
  I
• 56:43
  mean,
• 56:43
  I
• 56:43
  hadn't
• 56:44
  planned
• 56:44
  to
• 56:44
  do
• 56:44
  it
• 56:44
  on
• 56:45
  a
• 56:45
  gravel
• 56:45
  car
• 56:45
  park
• 56:46
  drive
• 56:46
  at
• 56:46
  my
• 56:46
  daughter's
• 56:47
  school,
• 56:47
  but
• 56:47
  you
• 56:47
  know,
• 56:48
  every
• 56:48
  day's
• 56:48
  a
• 56:48
  catwalk.
• 56:49
  So
• 56:49
  that
• 56:49
  was
• 56:49
  quite
• 56:49
  iconic.
• 56:51
  Yeah,
• 56:51
  I
• 56:52
  would
• 56:52
  say
• 56:52
  the
• 56:52
  iconicness
• 56:53
  is
• 56:54
  genuinely
• 56:54
  the
• 56:54
  shameless
• 56:56
  freedom.
• 56:56
  So
• 56:57
  really
• 56:57
  it's
• 56:57
  about
• 56:58
  me
• 56:59
  knowing
• 57:00
  my
• 57:00
  needs
• 57:00
  and
• 57:02
  being
• 57:03
  able
• 57:03
  to
• 57:03
  own
• 57:03
  them
• 57:04
  and
• 57:04
  unapologetically
• 57:05
  and
• 57:05
  just,
• 57:06
  yeah.
• 57:06
  Embracing
• 57:07
  my
• 57:07
  soft
• 57:07
  power.
• 57:08
  Yes,
• 57:09
  absolutely.
• 57:09
  Oh,
• 57:10
  and
• 57:10
  on
• 57:10
  the
• 57:11
  iconic
• 57:11
  midlife,
• 57:11
  we
• 57:12
  always
• 57:12
  love
• 57:12
  to
• 57:12
  play
• 57:12
  a
• 57:13
  game
• 57:13
  at
• 57:14
  the
• 57:14
  end
• 57:14
  if
• 57:14
  you're
• 57:14
  up
• 57:14
  for
• 57:15
  it.
• 57:15
  I
• 57:15
  love
• 57:16
  stuff
• 57:16
  like
• 57:16
  that.
• 57:16
  This.
• 57:16
  Okay,
• 57:17
  good,
• 57:17
  good,
• 57:17
  good.
• 57:18
  Yay.
• 57:18
  So
• 57:19
  this
• 57:19
  game
• 57:19
  is
• 57:19
  called
• 57:20
  Shame
• 57:20
  or
• 57:20
  set
• 57:21
  Free.
• 57:21
  So
• 57:21
  it's
• 57:21
  a
• 57:21
  quick
• 57:22
  fire
• 57:22
  game
• 57:23
  and
• 57:24
  I'll
• 57:24
  say
• 57:25
  a
• 57:25
  scenario
• 57:26
  and
• 57:26
  you
• 57:26
  tell
• 57:26
  me
• 57:27
  if
• 57:27
  it's
• 57:27
  shameful
• 57:28
  or
• 57:28
  you
• 57:29
  set
• 57:29
  it
• 57:29
  free.
• 57:30
  Okay,
• 57:31
  so
• 57:31
  number
• 57:32
  one,
• 57:33
  wearing
• 57:33
  a
• 57:34
  bikini
• 57:34
  at
• 57:35
  50.
• 57:36
  Set
• 57:37
  free.
• 57:37
  Right.
• 57:39
  All
• 57:40
  the
• 57:40
  things
• 57:40
  like
• 57:40
  wear
• 57:41
  it,
• 57:41
  wear
• 57:41
  it,
• 57:41
  girl,
• 57:42
  you
• 57:42
  know.
• 57:42
  My
• 57:42
  God,
• 57:43
  right?
• 57:43
  Yes.
• 57:44
  Saying
• 57:44
  no
• 57:45
  without
• 57:45
  an
• 57:46
  explanation.
• 57:47
  My
• 57:48
  favorite,
• 57:48
  set
• 57:49
  free.
• 57:51
  Having
• 57:51
  boundaries
• 57:52
  that
• 57:52
  disappoint
• 57:53
  other
• 57:53
  people.
• 57:54
  Oh,
• 57:54
  even
• 57:55
  better.
• 57:55
  Set
• 57:55
  free.
• 57:56
  Yeah,
• 57:57
  even
• 57:57
  better.
• 57:58
  Having
• 57:58
  boundaries
• 57:59
  makes
• 57:59
  your
• 58:00
  life
• 58:01
  so
• 58:01
  much
• 58:01
  better.
• 58:02
  It
• 58:02
  really
• 58:02
  does.
• 58:02
  It's
• 58:03
  also
• 58:03
  the
• 58:03
  best
• 58:03
  thing
• 58:03
  for
• 58:03
  both
• 58:04
  people.
• 58:04
  Like,
• 58:05
  please
• 58:05
  just
• 58:05
  remember
• 58:05
  that
• 58:06
  you're
• 58:06
  doing
• 58:06
  it
• 58:06
  to
• 58:07
  salvage
• 58:07
  and
• 58:08
  keep
• 58:08
  and
• 58:08
  maintain
• 58:09
  a
• 58:09
  relationship
• 58:09
  that's
• 58:10
  important
• 58:10
  to
• 58:10
  you.
• 58:11
  So
• 58:11
  it's
• 58:11
  not
• 58:12
  a
• 58:12
  shitty
• 58:13
  thing.
• 58:13
  It's.
• 58:13
  It's
• 58:14
  actually
• 58:14
  something
• 58:14
  that
• 58:14
  can
• 58:14
  help
• 58:15
  sustain
• 58:15
  and
• 58:16
  add
• 58:17
  to
• 58:17
  the
• 58:17
  longevity
• 58:17
  of
• 58:18
  a
• 58:18
  connection
• 58:18
  that
• 58:18
  matters.
• 58:19
  Absolutely.
• 58:20
  And
• 58:20
  it's
• 58:20
  great
• 58:20
  for
• 58:20
  kids
• 58:21
  too.
• 58:21
  They
• 58:21
  need
• 58:21
  boundaries.
• 58:24
  Not
• 58:24
  wanting
• 58:25
  sex
• 58:25
  as
• 58:25
  much
• 58:26
  as
• 58:26
  your.
• 58:26
  Partner,
• 58:27
  I
• 58:28
  mean,
• 58:28
  there's
• 58:28
  no
• 58:28
  shame
• 58:28
  in
• 58:29
  that.
• 58:29
  Like
• 58:29
  set
• 58:30
  free.
• 58:32
  Starting
• 58:32
  a
• 58:32
  new
• 58:32
  career
• 58:33
  in
• 58:33
  your
• 58:33
  40s
• 58:34
  or
• 58:34
  50s.
• 58:35
  I
• 58:35
  mean,
• 58:36
  more.
• 58:36
  More,
• 58:36
  more,
• 58:36
  more,
• 58:37
  more.
• 58:37
  So
• 58:37
  definitely
• 58:38
  set
• 58:38
  free.
• 58:38
  More,
• 58:39
  more,
• 58:39
  more,
• 58:39
  Please.
• 58:40
  More,
• 58:40
  more.
• 58:41
  Ooh.
• 58:41
  Outgrowing
• 58:42
  old
• 58:42
  friendships.
• 58:43
  Definitely
• 58:44
  set
• 58:44
  free.
• 58:47
  Taking
• 58:47
  up
• 58:47
  space
• 58:48
  and
• 58:48
  speaking
• 58:48
  your
• 58:49
  mind.
• 58:50
  Well,
• 58:50
  we
• 58:50
  can't
• 58:50
  be
• 58:51
  afraid
• 58:51
  of
• 58:51
  being
• 58:51
  too
• 58:51
  much.
• 58:52
  So
• 58:52
  I
• 58:52
  have
• 58:52
  to
• 58:52
  say
• 58:53
  set
• 58:53
  free.
• 58:55
  Wanting
• 58:55
  more.
• 58:56
  More
• 58:56
  money.
• 58:57
  More
• 58:57
  attention,
• 58:58
  more
• 58:58
  joy.
• 58:59
  Ooh,
• 59:00
  well,
• 59:00
  more
• 59:00
  joy.
• 59:01
  I'm
• 59:01
  saying
• 59:01
  set
• 59:01
  free.
• 59:02
  Okay.
• 59:03
  More
• 59:03
  attention.
• 59:03
  I
• 59:04
  might
• 59:04
  be
• 59:04
  like.
• 59:04
  I
• 59:04
  mean,
• 59:04
  the
• 59:05
  therapist
• 59:05
  to
• 59:05
  me
• 59:05
  is
• 59:05
  like,
• 59:05
  what's
• 59:06
  behind
• 59:06
  that?
• 59:06
  So
• 59:07
  I'm
• 59:07
  gonna
• 59:08
  go
• 59:08
  with
• 59:08
  set
• 59:08
  free
• 59:08
  because
• 59:09
  we
• 59:09
  got.
• 59:09
  Can
• 59:09
  manifest
• 59:10
  and
• 59:10
  want
• 59:11
  more.
• 59:11
  I
• 59:11
  would.
• 59:11
  I
• 59:11
  would
• 59:12
  underpin
• 59:12
  it
• 59:12
  with.
• 59:12
  Make
• 59:12
  sure
• 59:13
  it's
• 59:13
  for
• 59:13
  the
• 59:13
  right
• 59:13
  reasons.
• 59:14
  And
• 59:15
  more
• 59:15
  money.
• 59:16
  Yeah.
• 59:16
  I
• 59:16
  mean,
• 59:17
  there's,
• 59:17
  you
• 59:17
  know,
• 59:17
  there's
• 59:17
  enough
• 59:18
  for
• 59:18
  all
• 59:18
  of
• 59:18
  us
• 59:18
  that
• 59:18
  we
• 59:18
  don't
• 59:19
  have
• 59:19
  to
• 59:19
  be
• 59:19
  fearful
• 59:19
  money.
• 59:19
  We
• 59:20
  have
• 59:20
  to
• 59:20
  be
• 59:20
  in
• 59:20
  a
• 59:20
  lack
• 59:20
  mindset.
• 59:21
  There's
• 59:21
  plenty
• 59:22
  to
• 59:22
  go
• 59:22
  around,
• 59:22
  so
• 59:23
  we
• 59:23
  just.
• 59:23
  Yeah.
• 59:24
  Again,
• 59:24
  just.
• 59:24
  Just
• 59:25
  know
• 59:25
  that
• 59:25
  it's
• 59:25
  for
• 59:25
  the.
• 59:26
  I
• 59:26
  hope
• 59:26
  it's
• 59:26
  for
• 59:26
  the
• 59:26
  goodness
• 59:27
  of
• 59:27
  moving
• 59:28
  humanity
• 59:28
  forward
• 59:28
  in
• 59:29
  whatever
• 59:29
  way
• 59:29
  you
• 59:29
  would
• 59:30
  like,
• 59:30
  you
• 59:30
  know,
• 59:30
  and
• 59:30
  I
• 59:30
  think.
• 59:30
  There'S
• 59:31
  a
• 59:31
  real
• 59:31
  problem.
• 59:31
  Women
• 59:32
  have
• 59:32
  a
• 59:32
  hard
• 59:32
  time
• 59:33
  saying
• 59:33
  that,
• 59:34
  you
• 59:34
  know,
• 59:34
  they
• 59:34
  might
• 59:35
  be,
• 59:35
  you
• 59:35
  know,
• 59:35
  they're.
• 59:36
  One
• 59:36
  of
• 59:36
  their
• 59:36
  goals
• 59:36
  might
• 59:36
  be
• 59:37
  making
• 59:37
  money,
• 59:37
  you
• 59:37
  know,
• 59:38
  and
• 59:38
  it's
• 59:38
  a
• 59:38
  very
• 59:38
  hard
• 59:38
  thing
• 59:39
  for
• 59:40
  women
• 59:40
  to
• 59:40
  say.
• 59:40
  And
• 59:40
  I
• 59:41
  don't
• 59:41
  think
• 59:41
  women
• 59:41
  should
• 59:41
  feel
• 59:41
  shameful
• 59:42
  about.
• 59:42
  I'm
• 59:42
  fairly
• 59:43
  sure
• 59:43
  gold
• 59:43
  digger
• 59:43
  doesn't.
• 59:44
  Doesn't
• 59:44
  apply
• 59:44
  to
• 59:44
  a
• 59:45
  man,
• 59:45
  does
• 59:45
  it?
• 59:45
  You
• 59:46
  know,
• 59:46
  there's
• 59:46
  a
• 59:46
  few
• 59:46
  terms
• 59:46
  for
• 59:47
  women
• 59:47
  that
• 59:47
  won't
• 59:48
  want
• 59:48
  to.
• 59:48
  And
• 59:48
  even
• 59:49
  though
• 59:49
  that's
• 59:49
  like,
• 59:49
  in
• 59:49
  a
• 59:49
  relationship,
• 59:50
  you
• 59:50
  know,
• 59:50
  I've
• 59:51
  heard
• 59:51
  it
• 59:51
  said
• 59:51
  about,
• 59:53
  you
• 59:53
  know,
• 59:53
  like
• 59:53
  the
• 59:53
  whole
• 59:54
  being
• 59:54
  bossy.
• 59:54
  There's.
• 59:55
  That's
• 59:55
  only
• 59:55
  for
• 59:55
  a
• 59:55
  woman
• 59:55
  as
• 59:56
  well.
• 59:56
  And
• 59:56
  so
• 59:56
  there's
• 59:56
  a
• 59:57
  lot
• 59:57
  of
• 59:57
  negative
• 59:57
  connotations
• 59:58
  about
• 59:59
  wanting
• 1:00:00
  more.
• 1:00:01
  Okay.
• 1:00:02
  Feeling
• 1:00:02
  afraid
• 1:00:03
  and
• 1:00:03
  doing
• 1:00:03
  it
• 1:00:03
  anyway.
• 1:00:04
  Oh,
• 1:00:05
  definitely.
• 1:00:05
  Set
• 1:00:05
  free.
• 1:00:07
  And
• 1:00:08
  choosing
• 1:00:09
  not
• 1:00:09
  to
• 1:00:09
  have
• 1:00:09
  sex
• 1:00:10
  or
• 1:00:10
  choosing
• 1:00:11
  to
• 1:00:11
  have
• 1:00:11
  a
• 1:00:11
  lot
• 1:00:11
  of
• 1:00:12
  it.
• 1:00:12
  I
• 1:00:13
  mean,
• 1:00:13
  I
• 1:00:13
  have
• 1:00:13
  loads
• 1:00:13
  of
• 1:00:14
  it,
• 1:00:14
  so
• 1:00:14
  I'm
• 1:00:14
  gonna
• 1:00:14
  obviously
• 1:00:14
  say
• 1:00:15
  set
• 1:00:15
  free.
• 1:00:16
  Yes.
• 1:00:16
  Girl,
• 1:00:16
  you've
• 1:00:17
  gotta
• 1:00:17
  love
• 1:00:17
  the
• 1:00:17
  boyfriend,
• 1:00:18
  right?
• 1:00:18
  Oh,
• 1:00:19
  he's.
• 1:00:19
  I
• 1:00:19
  mean,
• 1:00:19
  he's
• 1:00:20
  terrific.
• 1:00:20
  So,
• 1:00:20
  yeah.
• 1:00:20
  Set
• 1:00:21
  free.
• 1:00:21
  Oh,
• 1:00:21
  my
• 1:00:21
  gosh.
• 1:00:21
  How
• 1:00:22
  long
• 1:00:22
  have
• 1:00:22
  you
• 1:00:22
  guys
• 1:00:22
  been
• 1:00:22
  together?
• 1:00:23
  Two
• 1:00:24
  years.
• 1:00:24
  Just
• 1:00:24
  over
• 1:00:24
  two
• 1:00:25
  years.
• 1:00:25
  Oh,
• 1:00:25
  that's
• 1:00:26
  so
• 1:00:26
  nice.
• 1:00:27
  Clearly
• 1:00:28
  you're
• 1:00:28
  happy
• 1:00:28
  because
• 1:00:28
  you're
• 1:00:29
  glowing,
• 1:00:29
  lady.
• 1:00:30
  Thank
• 1:00:30
  you.
• 1:00:30
  Yeah,
• 1:00:31
  I'm
• 1:00:31
  very
• 1:00:31
  happy.
• 1:00:31
  He's
• 1:00:32
  always
• 1:00:32
  awesome.
• 1:00:33
  That's
• 1:00:33
  amazing.
• 1:00:34
  Well,
• 1:00:34
  consider
• 1:00:34
  us
• 1:00:35
  officially
• 1:00:35
  unshackled.
• 1:00:38
  Please
• 1:00:38
  pick
• 1:00:38
  up
• 1:00:39
  Annalee
• 1:00:39
  Howling's
• 1:00:40
  book
• 1:00:40
  unapologetic.
• 1:00:41
  You
• 1:00:41
  will
• 1:00:41
  just.
• 1:00:42
  Thank
• 1:00:42
  you.
• 1:00:42
  I
• 1:00:43
  mean,
• 1:00:43
  once
• 1:00:43
  I
• 1:00:43
  picked
• 1:00:43
  it
• 1:00:44
  up,
• 1:00:44
  I
• 1:00:44
  couldn't
• 1:00:44
  stop.
• 1:00:44
  I
• 1:00:45
  read
• 1:00:45
  the
• 1:00:45
  whole
• 1:00:45
  thing
• 1:00:45
  in,
• 1:00:45
  like,
• 1:00:46
  a
• 1:00:46
  day.
• 1:00:46
  I
• 1:00:46
  mean,
• 1:00:47
  it
• 1:00:47
  was
• 1:00:47
  so
• 1:00:48
  good.
• 1:00:48
  Oh,
• 1:00:48
  I
• 1:00:48
  love
• 1:00:48
  that.
• 1:00:49
  So
• 1:00:49
  much
• 1:00:49
  great
• 1:00:50
  advice
• 1:00:50
  in
• 1:00:50
  this
• 1:00:51
  book.
• 1:00:51
  So
• 1:00:52
  everybody
• 1:00:52
  please
• 1:00:53
  purchase
• 1:00:53
  it.
• 1:00:54
  And
• 1:00:55
  yes,
• 1:00:55
  thank
• 1:00:56
  you
• 1:00:56
  so
• 1:00:56
  much,
• 1:00:56
  Annaleigh,
• 1:00:57
  for
• 1:00:57
  coming
• 1:00:57
  on.
• 1:00:58
  Your
• 1:00:58
  advice
• 1:00:58
  is
• 1:00:59
  everything.
• 1:00:59
  Oh,
• 1:00:59
  it's
• 1:00:59
  been
• 1:01:00
  a
• 1:01:00
  pleasure.
• 1:01:01
  It's
• 1:01:01
  my
• 1:01:01
  pleasure.
• 1:01:02
  Shame
• 1:01:02
  loses
• 1:01:03
  its
• 1:01:03
  power
• 1:01:03
  the
• 1:01:04
  moment
• 1:01:04
  we
• 1:01:04
  speak
• 1:01:04
  it
• 1:01:05
  out
• 1:01:05
  loud.
• 1:01:06
  Huge
• 1:01:06
  thanks
• 1:01:07
  to
• 1:01:07
  Annalee
• 1:01:07
  Howling
• 1:01:08
  for
• 1:01:08
  helping
• 1:01:08
  us
• 1:01:09
  name
• 1:01:09
  it,
• 1:01:09
  challenge
• 1:01:10
  it,
• 1:01:10
  and
• 1:01:10
  walk
• 1:01:11
  right
• 1:01:11
  through
• 1:01:11
  it.
• 1:01:12
  This
• 1:01:12
  episode
• 1:01:12
  was
• 1:01:13
  a
• 1:01:13
  reminder
• 1:01:13
  that
• 1:01:13
  power
• 1:01:14
  isn't
• 1:01:14
  about
• 1:01:14
  perfection.
• 1:01:15
  It's
• 1:01:15
  about
• 1:01:16
  truth.
• 1:01:16
  And
• 1:01:17
  the
• 1:01:17
  more
• 1:01:17
  honest
• 1:01:18
  we
• 1:01:18
  are
• 1:01:18
  about
• 1:01:18
  what's
• 1:01:19
  been
• 1:01:19
  holding
• 1:01:19
  us
• 1:01:19
  back,
• 1:01:20
  the
• 1:01:20
  more
• 1:01:20
  unstoppable
• 1:01:21
  we
• 1:01:21
  become.
• 1:01:22
  Follow
• 1:01:23
  at
• 1:01:23
  the
• 1:01:23
  iconicmedlife
• 1:01:24
  and
• 1:01:25
  edcarpetrocks
• 1:01:26
  across
• 1:01:26
  all
• 1:01:27
  the
• 1:01:27
  platforms
• 1:01:28
  for
• 1:01:28
  more
• 1:01:28
  episodes
• 1:01:29
  that
• 1:01:29
  hit
• 1:01:29
  deep
• 1:01:30
  and
• 1:01:30
  lift
• 1:01:30
  you
• 1:01:30
  higher.
• 1:01:31
  Tag
• 1:01:32
  us
• 1:01:32
  with
• 1:01:32
  your
• 1:01:32
  favorite
• 1:01:32
  takeaway
• 1:01:33
  and
• 1:01:33
  share
• 1:01:33
  this
• 1:01:34
  episode
• 1:01:34
  with
• 1:01:35
  someone
• 1:01:35
  who's
• 1:01:35
  ready
• 1:01:35
  to
• 1:01:36
  stop
• 1:01:36
  apologizing
• 1:01:37
  and
• 1:01:37
  start
• 1:01:38
  taking
• 1:01:38
  up
• 1:01:38
  space.
• 1:01:39
  And
• 1:01:39
  don't
• 1:01:40
  forget,
• 1:01:40
  this
• 1:01:40
  is
• 1:01:40
  midlife,
• 1:01:41
  unfiltered,
• 1:01:42
  unshackled,
• 1:01:43
  and
• 1:01:43
  entirely
• 1:01:44
  yours.