Latest / ShameOver - The Drink Less Podcast / When You’re Not Okay (And Why Numbing Makes It Worse)
Transcript
- Erica+ShameOver: Hello, welcome back to Shame Over. I am sorry it's been a little bit. That's why I wanted to kind of pop on here and touch base and basically just all of you know in case you ever need the permission, you're feeling off, you're not sure what's going on. It is okay to not be okay. It okay if things come in waves or ⁓ just you completely out of the blue and knock you on your ass. ⁓ All this is very normal. I think it's for us to really that, that that's actually okay. And the day that we live in with social media just constantly showing ⁓ the reels of everyone's lives and just the nonstop attention and ⁓ need information, need to be in the know, ⁓ fear missing out, all of that. I have not ⁓ been on for a little bit ⁓ and... Part of that has been, not gonna say burnout, but just ⁓ feeling. feeling alive and really lit up by things. that not just this area, it's a lot of different areas. so earlier this year, my father in love passed away and it was, it was obviously very, very hard situation. ⁓ Just a big to all of us. We found out he sick basically right before Thanksgiving. ⁓ So clearly it went quickly. The reason why I'm sharing this is with ⁓ much tragedy and loss throughout my life. One that just bears needing to repeated is how different handles grief ⁓ and loss ⁓ just negative I say ⁓ without doubt, I am so ⁓ unbelievably to have the relationship with alcohol that I do now, because if I didn't, I cannot imagine how the last few months would have looked. Just escaping any and all thoughts, feelings, everything because of alcohol, would have helped in the moment. would have felt like, ⁓ know, it was the relief that so many moments that I was looking for and needing, but what I've learned through this journey is it would have not only made everything so much worse, it would have made it last so much longer. we're through just the new ⁓ chapter, new life that we live in, if you will, it's crazy. It was my husband's ⁓ and they moved I want to say five-ish years ago, maybe four and a half. And we live like seven minutes away. They are so incredibly helpful. not only to us as parents, but supporting us as a couple, supporting us through ⁓ free and ⁓ all this stuff. I definitely the jackpot with ⁓ the parent ⁓ if you ⁓ And so definitely very close, especially since they've moved which makes the loss a bit harder. Obviously the closer you are, it can just make it that much harder. That being said, we had a good little over a month, maybe right under six weeks maybe of nonstop time together where we were able to share memories and share thoughts and stories and just all the things that allowed us to be able to really enjoy as much as we could, soak in the last time that we had together while being able to really feel fulfilled. It, I think, helped the blow be a little bit less, though, you know, the blow is going to hurt regardless. But I think we all, at least myself, my husband, his mom, I think we all really felt like we got the closure. We got the time, though it's never enough. one thing for me that was very hard in all of this was ⁓ whatever reason, just, I could not cry, could not fully let it all out. And coming someone who used to cry all the time, this, this was weird, you know, like that's not a normal emotion in my mind to not be able to cry with such a big loss. so that to me was sign that I needed to do something more, do something different. because this did not just like the perfect opportunity to have the ⁓ cry that I felt like I needed for so long that I just wasn't able to. So even I have all the experience with all the nervous system regulation and I'm all about talk therapy and ⁓ all things, I still wasn't able to get it out. So one for me is realize to take a look at other things that were going on, medications for example. Just what are things that might be impacting this that I might need to look at considering changing? And also ⁓ the realization that, you know, I'm On one note, feel like you can't experience the losses heavy as ⁓ and his mom who, that's his son, that's his wife. But that's not true. ⁓ The does have to ⁓ determine how or ⁓ not you be feeling about things. It definitely can a role for most people, but it's not always it. And again, it's just ⁓ been such a reminder how differently ⁓ We all process things and more than anything, how it comes in waves. A couple of weeks ago, was ⁓ really great, like really surprised at how well I was doing. ⁓ then all of a sudden it just like out of nowhere ⁓ like it hit me like a freaking bus. Not only did I get physically sick, ⁓ but was having like basically this like pulled muscle, whatever, in my neck, back, whatever. ⁓ And almost paralyzing. That turned into essentially the flu I was down. I slept for like 18 hours or something crazy. I don't even know. But was my body's of saying, ⁓ you need let something go. You need to process this. Our body keeps score. I'm a big believer. We can ⁓ hide things all want. This hit me sooner than it would have had I been drinking. Again, the reason why I bring this up is Had I been drinking how I used to be drinking, I wouldn't have noticed any of this. This would have just all built up in my body and stress the things that would be living in there for ⁓ if not years to come. I personally a very big believer that a lot of the reason why we get sick, especially when it comes to ⁓ cancers things like that, is un-dealt-with stress, of that. I'm not a doctor. This is not medical advice by any means. ⁓ I know that there's so many different reasons for so many different things, but ⁓ do believe that our bodies are, they hold onto everything. All the energy, ⁓ the stuff that we don't deal with, it's still in there. It needs someplace to go. ⁓ If you are drinking, if you're going through something big, what you can to feel the feelings to go through it. ⁓ tried and I still wasn't able to until doing some things like coming, not essentially ⁓ coming my medication, but cutting it ⁓ in to see if that was helpful. It definitely was. But really other things that were helping get in tune with my body that I... don't necessarily do on a regular basis just because I don't necessarily need to. One thing that kind of led to all of this was I started off March being my month of me. That was the intention was ⁓ day in March I was going to be doing something for me. I like especially as women, as moms, ⁓ we to do this, ⁓ but one thing that always gets pushed down on the to-do list is us. No matter what comes on, we're always getting pushed down. And I can say this myself, knowing how easy this is, even though I'm constantly telling my clients, like, you have to take care of you. You have to put your own oxygen mask on first. When you are in a funk or in a space where you are just going through the motions, whether it's because of trauma, of loss, of grief, of just being anxious or depressed or just not being entirely in your body, it is going to be that much harder to deal with these things, to even understand what you need to deal with or that you have something to deal with. And so what this month of me started out with was forcing myself in a very loving way to journal every day. My goal was if I only write down one sentence, that is enough. As long as I write every single day, that is what I need to do. I've been hearing that. I've been feeling it. I just haven't done it. Just this simple act was able to help me start processing so much more, especially getting medication in ⁓ space that feels better for where it should be right now. And just taking the time every single day to make time for myself. And that could be, you know, ⁓ one of breathing or showers, hot water, that is my thing. ⁓ But doing showers by myself, not my kids, ⁓ doing cold plunges and... The sauna, I have a place that I've joined recently that is just awesome and it is not only been therapeutic, but it helps, I feel like process things that I don't necessarily know are in there. I also just recently did a float that was the most incredible experience. was my friend and I did it together. He signed us up for 90 minutes, which I'm like, this feels a little aggressive for our first time, but okay. But after talking to the owner, 90 minutes is the ideal time. It's apparently equivalent to four hours of REM sleep, which I don't even get REM sleep on my best night of sleep, like four hours. So that was incredible. But it helps regulation and just calming everything because you have to basically let go. Like you are in this space floating in water ⁓ and everything just zero gravity. Nothing else matters. And it is incredible how much this can you off not only from the outside world ⁓ from all the monkey mind stuff going on inside. So I am sharing this again because if you are going through loss, if you're going through just a downtime, a bad time, whatever it is, stop and see what's going on, how you are actually processing, how you're feeling, what you're feeling. Are you actually allowing yourself to feel? Because too often, and I've learned this by raising little babies, I have a six and a three year old ⁓ I am really good at labeling emotions. but teaching them how to feel it in a safe way that honors their body while keeping them safe and keeping everyone else safe. That is a completely different ball game that I am not at all used to. I'm having to learn that myself as I'm going through it. So the easiest way for you to understand if this is an area you need to work on is first ask, what am I thinking and feeling? And how am I actually letting those feelings play out? in a safe way, in an honoring way. If you are like me, you probably don't have an answer for that second piece. You don't know how you're actually feeling them or if you're able to completely release and let them go and sit with that discomfort. Again, if you are presently drinking heavily so that you don't have to deal with this, that was me for so long. I get it a million percent before you drink do something that helps fill your emotional cup. So that is going to be something like what I said with the hot water, taking time for yourself, doing breathing exercises, any type of nervous system regulation, or something that feels good, that's honoring, that is pampering. Doing that before you drink is going to help slowly, slowly, your brain. so that when you're having these bad feelings, these down days, these anxiety, whatever it is for you, you don't immediately think a drink will solve this because that is what we've taught ourselves and that is why alcohol is so not only helpful, quote unquote, ⁓ but than anything, ⁓ why is our go-to in almost every situation. Our brains are designed to keep us safe. and to do so as quickly and as easily as possible while conserving the most amount of energy. That is alcohol literally summed up in a bottle. if you want to stop feeling the need to ⁓ whenever for any emotions, especially negative emotions, ⁓ you want to ⁓ the grip that alcohol has on you, the role that it plays in your life, or if you just want to Drink less, cut back, just not feel so ugh. at the point to where even two glasses of wine makes me feel like shit. ⁓ if you just want to feel better, if you want to sleep better, if you just want to literally more at peace, you are going to do so by feeling these feels, how awful and uncomfortable they are. But when you feel them, you realize that they are not this big crazy monster. A lot of times you're like, you were a lot smaller than I thought, or it was not as intense. It's the resistance to it that makes it so much bigger and worse, more uncomfortable, more drastic, more ugh. So. Do what you can to actually understand what you're feeling. And that second layer is, what am I doing to actually feel this? How am I allowing these feelings to come through and to process? If you're stuck with that, please feel free to reach out. Obviously, talk therapy is such a wonderful thing to do. I am a big believer of it. I will be my entire life. Nervous system regulation is another thing to look into my next episode when I have a little bit more energy and feel more ready to jump back in. We'll probably be a lot on that. The biggest thing is just allowing this processing to even start. it's easy. ⁓ It a look inside. It takes just ripping off the bandaid, ⁓ but more anything, you have to know you're going to be safe. You have done so many hard things and you've got through it ⁓ and you so much stronger than you realize. And ⁓ you do have to be strong. for everyone else. know that subconsciously, like that's playing in the background. If you're holding it all together for everyone else, over time, it's gonna take less and less to break you. So deal with it sooner before it becomes a flood that you just can't even bridge the gap to deal with it. lots love to you all. Cheers. See you next time.