Latest / Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast / Why We Crave Comfort When Life Feels Overwhelming

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Why We Crave Comfort When Life Feels Overwhelming · Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Life Audio.
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  Speaker 2: Have you ever found yourself standing in front of the
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  Speaker 2: refrigerator even though you're not hungry? Or maybe scrolling social
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  Speaker 2: media long after you intended to put your phone down?
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  Speaker 2: Maybe you filled your online shopping cart after a stressful day.
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  Speaker 2: Or maybe you've stayed busy from sunrise to sunset because
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  Speaker 2: slowing down would force you to feel what you've been
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  Speaker 2: trying to avoid. Most of us think those moments are
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  Speaker 2: about a lack of discipline. But what if they're actually
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  Speaker 2: revealing something so much deeper? What if your brain isn't
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  Speaker 2: craving food, social media, shopping, busyness, or distraction at all?
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  Speaker 2: What if what you're really craving is comfort? Today, in
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  Speaker 2: honor of World Mental Health Day, we're talking about why
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  Speaker 2: we seek comfort when life feels overwhelming, what happens inside
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  Speaker 2: the brain during seasons of stress, and how God offers
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  Speaker 2: something far more healing than temporary relief. Welcome to your
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  Speaker 2: Hope-Filled Perspective podcast, where it's always our goal to restore hope,
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  Speaker 2: renew minds, and empower listeners and viewers to live in
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  Speaker 2: your God-given identity. We combine biblical truth with brain science
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  Speaker 2: so that you can live with greater peace, purpose, and hope.
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  Speaker 1: I'm your host, Dr.
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  Speaker 2: Michelle Bankson, board-certified clinical neuropsychologist, author, speaker, and fellow traveler
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  Speaker 2: on this journey of faith and mental, emotional, and spiritual wellness. Today,
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  Speaker 2: I'm joined by my dear friend and co-host, Reverend Jessica VanRoekel.
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  Speaker 3: Hi, everyone. I'm so glad you're here. Michelle, I have
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  Speaker 3: a feeling that this episode is going to resonate with
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  Speaker 3: almost everyone because every one of us has experienced overwhelm.
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  Speaker 1: Isn't that the truth?
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  Speaker 2: I don't know anyone who hasn't walked through seasons of stress, uncertainty, grief, disappointment, fear, loneliness,
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  Speaker 2: or exhaustion. And during those seasons, Jess, we all tend
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  Speaker 2: to reach for something. Sometimes it's healthy. Sometimes it isn't.
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  Speaker 2: But we all seek comfort.
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  Speaker 3: And I think that's an important distinction. We're not talking
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  Speaker 3: about whether comfort itself is bad. God created us with
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  Speaker 3: a need for comfort. In fact, scripture repeatedly refers to
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  Speaker 3: God as our comforter.
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  Speaker 2: The problem really isn't that we need comfort. The problem
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  Speaker 2: is that we often look for comfort in places that
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  Speaker 2: were never designed to heal us. Those things may soothe
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  Speaker 2: us temporarily. but they can't restore us permanently.
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  Speaker 3: And they often leave us feeling even worse afterward.
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  Speaker 1: They do.
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  Speaker 2: And that's what we're unpacking today. Why does the brain
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  Speaker 2: crave comfort? Why do some habits become so difficult to break?
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  Speaker 2: And how can we move from temporary relief toward genuine restoration?
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  Speaker 4: All right.
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  Speaker 3: So Michelle, let's start at the beginning. Why are human
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  Speaker 3: beings wired to seek comfort?
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  Speaker 2: Because comfort is connected to safety. God designed our brains
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  Speaker 2: to move away from pain and towards safety. Think about
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  Speaker 2: a newborn baby. When they're distressed, they seek comfort. When
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  Speaker 2: they're hungry, they cry. When they're frightened, they reach for
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  Speaker 2: a caregiver. Seeking comfort is not weakness. It's actually how
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  Speaker 2: God designed us.
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  Speaker 3: That's important because I think many listeners immediately feel guilt
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  Speaker 3: when they hear the phrase comfort seeking.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, but needing comfort isn't really the issue at all.
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  Speaker 2: In fact, scripture repeatedly shows God meeting people in their
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  Speaker 2: places of need. You and I both like Psalm 34, 18,
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  Speaker 2: that tells us the Lord is close to the brokenhearted
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  Speaker 2: and saves those who are crushed in spirit. But friends
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  Speaker 2: notice that God doesn't shame people. the brokenhearted, he draws
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  Speaker 2: near to them.
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  Speaker 3: That's so beautiful.
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  Speaker 2: And yet many Christians carry this subtle belief that strong
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  Speaker 2: faith means not needing comfort and nothing could be farther
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  Speaker 2: from the truth. And the reason I know this is
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  Speaker 2: because even Jesus sought comfort. If we remember back to
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  Speaker 2: the garden of Gethsemane, he asked his closest friends to
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  Speaker 2: remain near to him. He prayed honestly. He expressed anguish.
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  Speaker 2: He didn't pretend that everything was fine.
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  Speaker 3: That is such an important reminder. God never asks us
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  Speaker 3: to deny our humanity.
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  Speaker 1: Exactly.
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  Speaker 2: Instead, he invites us to bring our humanity to him.
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  Speaker 3: Which I'm so grateful for. Now, at this point in
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  Speaker 3: our discussion, let's turn our talk towards neuroscience because this
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  Speaker 3: is where so many listeners have those aha moments. What's
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  Speaker 3: happening in the brain when we feel overwhelmed?
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  Speaker 2: The brain is constantly asking one primary question, and that is,
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  Speaker 2: am I safe? When life feels manageable, the brain functions
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  Speaker 2: from a place of relative stability. The prefrontal cortex right
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  Speaker 2: up front, the part that's responsible for thinking, planning, decision-making,
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  Speaker 2: that part of the brain, it's functioning well. So we're
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  Speaker 2: able to think clearly. We're patient. We're emotionally regulated. But
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  Speaker 2: when stress increases, the brain begins shifting resources towards survival.
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  Speaker 3: So what I'm hearing you say is that survival mode
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  Speaker 3: literally changes how we think?
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  Speaker 1: It absolutely does.
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  Speaker 3: Wow.
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  Speaker 2: We've talked about the amygdala a lot on this program.
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  Speaker 2: The amygdala, which acts as the brain's alarm system, becomes
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  Speaker 2: more active. Stress hormones increase. The brain becomes hyper-focused on
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  Speaker 2: reducing comfort. And here's where it gets fascinating. the amygdala,
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  Speaker 2: which acts like the brain's alarm system, becomes more active.
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  Speaker 2: Stress hormones increase, the brain becomes hyper-focused on reducing discomfort,
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  Speaker 2: and that's where it gets fascinating. When we're overwhelmed, the
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  Speaker 2: brain becomes less concerned with what's best long-term and more
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  Speaker 2: concerned with what feels better instantly.
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  Speaker 3: Wow, I think that explains a lot.
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  Speaker 2: That is why a woman who spent the entire day
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  Speaker 2: caring for everyone else may find herself eating cookies at
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  Speaker 2: 10 p.m. That's why someone grieving a loss may spend
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  Speaker 2: hours mindlessly scrolling social media. That's why a stressed executive
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  Speaker 2: may work even harder rather than slowing down. But the
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  Speaker 2: brain is looking for relief.
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  Speaker 3: Not because they're weak, but because they're overwhelmed, right?
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  Speaker 1: Exactly. And understanding that changes everything.
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  Speaker 2: Because as you and I have talked about, shame says,
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  Speaker 2: what's wrong with me? But understanding says, my brain is
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  Speaker 2: trying to solve a problem. Now we can address the
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  Speaker 2: problem rather than attacking ourselves.
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  Speaker 3: Okay, this is really great information. Let's talk about another
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  Speaker 3: phrase that you've talked about before, and that's dopamine. How
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  Speaker 3: does dopamine fit into all of this?
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  Speaker 2: Dopamine is often really misunderstood. People think dopamine equals pleasure,
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  Speaker 2: but dopamine is actually more connected to motivation and anticipation.
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  Speaker 2: It's the brain's way of saying, pay attention.
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  Speaker 1: This might help.
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  Speaker 2: When we discover something that temporarily reduces emotional discomfort, dopamine
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  Speaker 2: helps us remember it.
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  Speaker 3: So the brain starts creating shortcuts?
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  Speaker 1: Exactly.
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  Speaker 2: So let's say you've had an exhausting day, Jessica. You
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  Speaker 2: eat peanut M & Ms.
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  Speaker 1: Which I do. For a few moments, you feel better, right?
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  Speaker 3: I do.
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  Speaker 2: Your brain notices. So the next time you're stressed, your
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  Speaker 2: brain remembers last time eating peanut M & Ms helped
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  Speaker 2: me feel better. And the same process can happen with
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  Speaker 2: social media, shopping, Netflix, busyness, people pleasing, even overworking. The
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  Speaker 2: brain isn't trying to sabotage you. It's trying to help
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  Speaker 2: you feel better. But the problem is that temporary relief
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  Speaker 2: can masquerade as genuine healing.
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  Speaker 3: This is so good. So what I'm hearing you say
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  Speaker 3: is that this temporary relief can feel like healing, but
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  Speaker 3: that they're not the same thing.
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  Speaker 1: They're not the same thing at all.
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  Speaker 3: Wow.
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  Speaker 2: One numbs pain, the other addresses it. One distracts and
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  Speaker 2: the other restores. One is momentary and the other is transformational.
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  Speaker 3: You've given us a lot to think about and- As
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  Speaker 3: we're discussing this, one of my favorite biblical examples of
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  Speaker 3: overwhelm comes to mind, and that's Elijah. After one of
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  Speaker 3: the greatest victories in scripture, Elijah crashes emotionally. He becomes afraid, isolates.
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  Speaker 3: He isolates himself. He becomes hopeless. He asks God to
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  Speaker 3: let him die. Now, many people read that story and think,
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  Speaker 3: how could Elijah feel that way after such a huge victory?
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  Speaker 3: But that's exactly what overwhelm often looks like.
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  Speaker 2: The crash comes after prolonged stress. But I love God's
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  Speaker 2: response because God doesn't begin with correction. He begins with
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  Speaker 2: care for Elijah. Food, rest, sleep, provision, presence. Only later
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  Speaker 2: does God address Elijah's thinking. Friends, in the next segment,
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  Speaker 2: we'll take a deeper look at the many ways we
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  Speaker 2: seek comfort after this brief word from our sponsor.
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  Speaker 3: Michelle, one of the things I find fascinating about this
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  Speaker 3: topic is that comfort seeking doesn't look the same for everyone.
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  Speaker 3: When people hear us talking about comfort behaviors, they may
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  Speaker 3: immediately think of emotional eating. But there are so many
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  Speaker 3: other ways we try to soothe ourselves when life feels overwhelming.
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  Speaker 1: That's true.
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  Speaker 2: Emotional eating is certainly one of the most common comfort-seeking behaviors.
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  Speaker 1: And I've been there.
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  Speaker 2: But it's far from the only one. Some people do
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  Speaker 2: reach for food. Other people reach for their phones. Some
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  Speaker 2: fill their calendars until there isn't a single unscheduled moment left.
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  Speaker 2: and others shop, binge watch television, overwork, people please, or
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  Speaker 2: isolate themselves from relationships. So the behavior may differ, but
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  Speaker 2: the underlying need is often the same. They're trying to
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  Speaker 2: reduce emotional discomfort. What's important for listeners and viewers to
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  Speaker 2: understand is that these behaviors, they often begin innocently.
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  Speaker 1: Most people don't.
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  Speaker 2: Wake up one day and decide that they're going to
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  Speaker 2: develop unhealthy coping patterns.
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  Speaker 3: Right.
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  Speaker 2: These behaviors develop because at some point they did provide
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  Speaker 2: momentary relief and the brain remembers that relief and begins
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  Speaker 2: associating that behavior with comfort.
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  Speaker 3: I really think that many of our listeners can relate
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  Speaker 3: to that. I know I do. We may not even
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  Speaker 3: realize that they've developed a comfort habit until they stop
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  Speaker 3: and pay attention. Absolutely.
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  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
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  Speaker 2: And one of the questions I often ask patients is this,
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  Speaker 2: why and what do you reach for when you're stressed?
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  Speaker 2: Not what do you think you should reach for, but
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  Speaker 2: what do you actually reach for? And the answer to
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  Speaker 2: that question can be incredibly revealing. Like we've said, for
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  Speaker 2: some people, it's food. They may not be physically hungry,
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  Speaker 2: but after a difficult conversation or a stressful day, they
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  Speaker 2: may find themselves standing in the kitchen looking for something
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  Speaker 2: sweet or salty. Food offers comfort because it temporarily changes
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  Speaker 2: brain chemistry. And in doing so, it provides a sense
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  Speaker 2: of pleasure or relief. But like we've said, for other people,
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  Speaker 2: it's social media. They pick up their phone intending to
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  Speaker 2: spend five minutes checking messages and suddenly 45 minutes have passed.
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  Speaker 2: They weren't looking for information as much as they were
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  Speaker 2: looking for distraction. And still others, they seek comfort through busyness.
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  Speaker 2: This is particularly common among high achieving men and women.
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  Speaker 2: They feel anxious, overwhelmed, lonely, or discouraged. So they work harder,
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  Speaker 2: volunteer more, take on additional responsibilities, and keep themselves moving constantly.
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  Speaker 2: So for them, busyness becomes a way of avoiding emotional pain.
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  Speaker 3: I think that one surprises people because society often rewards busyness.
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  Speaker 3: We tend to applaud people who are constantly productive.
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  Speaker 2: And that's why it can be difficult to recognize when
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  Speaker 2: busyness has become a coping mechanism. Because unlike some of
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  Speaker 2: the other comfort behaviors, overworking is often praised. People receive
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  Speaker 2: compliments for it. I remember when I was working 100
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  Speaker 2: hours a week at my private practice, I had a
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  Speaker 2: friend who said, every time I drive by your office.
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  Speaker 1: Your car is there. And I wore that as a
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  Speaker 1: badge of honor.
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  Speaker 3: Wow.
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  Speaker 2: Because when people are constantly busy or they're overworking, they're
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  Speaker 2: told that they're dedicated, hardworking, dependable, and successful. And that
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  Speaker 2: feels good. But internally, the motivation may be very different.
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  Speaker 2: Sometimes people stay busy because they're afraid of what they
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  Speaker 2: might feel if they slow down. When the schedule is
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  Speaker 2: packed from morning until night, there's very little room to
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  Speaker 2: process grief, disappointment, fear, loneliness, or uncertainty. And I've seen
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  Speaker 2: this repeatedly in both clinical practice and ministry settings. Individuals
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  Speaker 2: who appear highly successful on the outside are often carrying
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  Speaker 2: tremendous emotional burdens on the inside. Their productivity isn't necessarily
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  Speaker 2: coming from purpose. Sometimes it's coming from pain.
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  Speaker 3: And wow, I'm nodding my head and it leads perfectly
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  Speaker 3: into something I've been thinking about while we've been talking.
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  Speaker 3: There seems to be a difference between comfort that restores
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  Speaker 3: and comfort that merely numbs. How do we recognize the difference?
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  Speaker 1: That's such an important question.
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  Speaker 2: One of the simplest ways to evaluate a comfort behavior
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  Speaker 2: is to ask what happens afterward. Because healthy comfort tends
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  Speaker 2: to leave us restored. We feel more connected, more peaceful,
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  Speaker 2: more grounded, and more equipped to engage with life. Unhealthy
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  Speaker 2: comfort often leaves us feeling temporarily better, but ultimately depleted.
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  Speaker 2: The original problem remains, and now we've added guilt, frustration,
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  Speaker 2: or regret on top of it. So for example, taking
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  Speaker 2: a walk while talking with a trusted friend may provide comfort.
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  Speaker 2: But afterward, you often feel encouraged, supported, and emotionally stronger.
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  Speaker 2: Or spending time in prayer may not remove the difficulty immediately,
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  Speaker 2: but it reconnects you with God's presence and peace. By contrast,
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  Speaker 2: scrolling social media for two hours may temporarily distract you
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  Speaker 2: from your anxiety. But when you're finished, the anxiety is
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  Speaker 2: still there. Sometimes it's even worse. And the same can
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  Speaker 2: be true of emotional eating, compulsive shopping, excessive television watching,
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  Speaker 2: or other forms of avoidance. The key difference is healthy
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  Speaker 2: comfort helps us process life. Unhealthy comfort helps us avoid
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  Speaker 2: life temporarily.
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  Speaker 3: That is a powerful distinction right there.
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  Speaker 2: And it's one listeners and viewers may want to write down.
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  Speaker 2: Healthy comfort helps us process life. Unhealthy comfort helps us
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  Speaker 2: avoid life. God never asks us to pretend pain doesn't exist.
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  Speaker 2: Throughout scripture, we see examples of lament, grief, disappointment, fear,
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  Speaker 2: and struggle. What God invites us to do is to
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  Speaker 2: bring those emotions into relationship with him rather than running
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  Speaker 2: from them. When we numb our emotions, we may temporarily
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  Speaker 2: reduce discomfort. But we also delay healing. Emotions that are
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  Speaker 2: buried don't disappear. They often resurface later in different forms,
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  Speaker 2: such as anxiety, irritability, resentment, exhaustion, or depression.
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  Speaker 3: Oh, as we've been talking, I've been thinking about Martha
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  Speaker 3: and Mary. Hmm. I know that passage is often taught
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  Speaker 3: as a lesson about priorities, but I wonder if there's
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  Speaker 3: also a lesson there about where we seek comfort. When
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  Speaker 3: Jesus visited their home, Martha became overwhelmed by all the
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  Speaker 3: preparations that needed to be done. She was distracted by
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  Speaker 3: the responsibilities in front of her. Meanwhile, Mary chose to
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  Speaker 3: sit at Jesus' feet. What's interesting is that Martha's response
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  Speaker 3: is one many of us understand. When life feels stressful,
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  Speaker 3: we often believe the solution is to do more. We
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  Speaker 3: become convinced that if we can just accomplish enough, organize enough,
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  Speaker 3: fix enough, or control enough, we'll finally feel at peace.
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  Speaker 3: But Jesus gently redirects her attention. He tells her that
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  Speaker 3: she is worried and upset about many things while Mary
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  Speaker 3: has chosen what is better. In other words, Martha was
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  Speaker 3: seeking relief through activity. Mary was seeking comfort through presence.
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  Speaker 3: Isn't that often our struggle as well? When we're anxious,
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  Speaker 3: we tend to increase activity. We work harder. We worry more.
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  Speaker 3: We try to solve every possible problem, sometimes before they
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  Speaker 3: even happen. Meanwhile, Jesus invites us to sit with him first.
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  Speaker 3: Not because responsibilities don't matter, but because his presence provides
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  Speaker 3: the peace we cannot manufacture ourselves without.
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  Speaker 2: I think many listeners needed to hear that today. Because
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  Speaker 2: when life feels overwhelming, let's face it, sometimes sitting with
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  Speaker 2: Jesus can feel unproductive.
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  Speaker 1: In all transparency, I've been there. But some of the.
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  Speaker 2: Most productive things we do spiritually never look productive by
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  Speaker 2: worldly standards. Prayer may not check something off a to-do list.
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  Speaker 2: Rest may may not generate measurable results. And time in
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  Speaker 2: God's word may not immediately solve a problem. Yet those
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: practices strengthen us from the inside out. They regulate our
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: nervous system. They renew our thinking and they reconnect us
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  Speaker 2: with the truth that God is present and faithful. That's
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  Speaker 2: genuine comfort. That's restoration. And that's something that no other
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  Speaker 2: comfort behavior can ultimately replace.
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  Speaker 3: During this episode we've talked about why we seek comfort,
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  Speaker 3: the difference between numbing and healing, and some of the
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  Speaker 3: common ways we try to soothe ourselves when life feels overwhelming.
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: When we come back from a short break or a
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: word from our sponsor, we're going to get very practical.
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  Speaker 2: We'll talk about what to do in those moments when
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: you're overwhelmed and reaching for comfort. We'll talk about how
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  Speaker 2: do you interrupt the unhealthy patterns and How do you
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  Speaker 2: identify what you truly need? And how can you train
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: both your brain and your heart to seek lasting restoration
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  Speaker 2: rather than temporary relief?
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  Speaker 3: Stay with us. We'll be right back.
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  Speaker 1: Welcome back to your Hope-Filled Perspective.
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  Speaker 2: Today, we're talking about why we crave comfort when life
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  Speaker 2: feels overwhelming. If you've ever found yourself stress eating, endlessly
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: scrolling social media, overworking, shopping, or simply looking for something
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  Speaker 2: to take the edge off a difficult season, you're not alone.
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  Speaker 3: And the good news is that God isn't condemning you
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  Speaker 3: for needing comfort. The question isn't whether you need comfort.
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: question is where you're looking for it.
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  Speaker 1: Exactly.
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  Speaker 2: And in this next segment, we are going to explore
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  Speaker 2: practical neuroscience-based and biblically grounded strategies that can help you
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  Speaker 2: move from temporary relief towards true restoration.
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  Speaker 3: Michelle, before the break, we talked about why we seek
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  Speaker 3: comfort and how easy it is to fall into patterns
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  Speaker 3: of numbing rather than healing. So let's get practical. What
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: do we do when we recognize ourselves in these patterns?
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  Speaker 2: The first thing I want listeners to understand is that
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: lasting change rarely begins with willpower alone, which I think
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: is good news. Most people think they need to try harder,
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: be stronger, or become more disciplined. And while discipline certainly
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: has its place, real transformation begins with awareness. One of
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: the most powerful things you can do is simply pause
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: and identify what's happening in the moment. So instead of
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: automatically reaching for food, your phone, your to-do list, or
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: whatever your preferred comfort behavior may be, stop and ask yourself,
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  Speaker 2: what am I feeling right now? Now that sounds simple,
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  Speaker 2: but many people struggle to answer that question because they've
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: spent years bypassing their emotions. They know they're uncomfortable, but
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: they haven't learned how to identify whether they're anxious, lonely, discouraged, overwhelmed, disappointed, afraid, exhausted,
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: or grieving. Naming an emotion is important because it engages
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: the thinking part of the brain. It creates a pause
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: between the feeling itself And the reaction and that pause
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: is where healthier choices become possible.
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: It's almost like creating a little bit of breathing room
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: between the trigger and the response.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: Exactly.
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: Viktor Frankl famously said that between stimulus and response, there's
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: a space. And in that space is our power to choose.
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: When we're overwhelmed, that space can feel very small, but
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: it's still there. So once you've identified that feeling, I
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: encourage people to ask a second question. What do I
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: actually need right now? The answer is often different than
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: we expect. Sometimes when we, what we call a craving
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: is actually exhaustion or sometimes what we call stress is
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: actually loneliness. Sometimes what we call anxiety is really uncertainty.
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: And sometimes what we call irritability is is grief that
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: hasn't been acknowledged. When we identify the true need, then
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: we can begin meeting that need in a healthy way.
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: I really love how practical this is. Could you give
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: listeners a simple framework they can use when they find
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: themselves reaching for comfort? Sure.
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: I often recommend three questions. The first question is, what
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: am I feeling? The second question is, what do I need?
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: And the third question is, what would move me towards
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: restoration instead of escape? That third question can be incredibly revealing.
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: For example, if you're emotionally exhausted, restoration may look like rest.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: If you're lonely, restoration may look like calling a trusted friend.
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: If you're discouraged, restoration may look like spending time in
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: scripture and reminding yourself of God's presence and his promises.
• 24:19
  Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: If you're overwhelmed, restoration may look like taking one small
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: next step instead of trying to resolve everything at once.
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: What you're doing is training yourself to move beyond immediate
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: temporary relief and towards lasting healing.
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: And I imagine that this is a skill that develops
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: over time.
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: Very much so. No one becomes emotionally healthy overnight. These
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: patterns have often been developing for years. So we can't
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: really expect that these unhealthy patterns will disappear instantly. But
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: what we can do is practice making one healthier choice
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: at a time.
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: Because the goal isn't perfection. The goal is progress.
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: Every time we pause, we become aware and choose restoration
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: over escape. We're strengthening new pathways in the brain. And
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: that's one of the beautiful truths about neuroscience. It's that
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: the brain can change, habits can change, patterns can change,
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: and people are not as stuck as they often believe
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: they are.
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: As we've been talking, I've been thinking about how often
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: scripture describes God as our comforter. How is God's comfort
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: different from the comforts we often chase?
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: One of the biggest differences is that God's comfort addresses
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: both our circumstances and our hearts. Most counterfeit comfort simply
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: helps us avoid pain temporarily, but God's comfort helps us
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: endure pain while he's transforming us through it. That doesn't
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: mean he immediately removes every difficulty. Sometimes we're We wish
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: he would. But throughout scripture, we see that God's presence
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: is often his primary gift. I think about David in
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: the Psalms. Again and again, he pours out fear, grief, anger, confusion,
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: and disappointment. Yet even when circumstances don't change immediately, something
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: shifts in his heart because he's brought those struggles into
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: God's presence. And the same is true for us. When
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: we pray, we're not simply engaging in religious activity. We're
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: entering a relationship with the one who sees us completely
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: and loves us fully. And that kind of comfort is
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: profoundly different from distraction.
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: It's deeper, isn't it?
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: It's so much deeper.
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: Distraction helps us forget our pain for a little while,
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: but God's comfort helps us carry it. Distraction often isolates us,
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: but God's comfort draws us into relationships. Distraction leaves us
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: dependent on the next temporary fix. But God's comfort produces peace, strength, wisdom,
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: and resilience over time. One of my favorite verses is
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: found in 2 Corinthians 1 where Paul refers to God
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: as the father of compassion and the God of all comfort.
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: Notice that he doesn't say God offers some comfort. He says,
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: God is the God of all comfort. That means there
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: is no pain, loss, fear, disappointment, or struggle that falls
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: outside of his ability to meet us there.
• 27:19
  Speaker 3: One of the things I hear throughout this conversation is
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: that we're not just talking about changing individual behaviors. We're
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: talking about building an entirely different way of living.
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: And that might actually feel overwhelming to some of our audience.
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: But many people focus exclusively on eliminating unhealthy habits. But
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: in actuality, lasting transformation usually comes from creating a healthier lifestyle.
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: I often think in terms of four pillars, rest, relationships, rhythms,
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: and reliance on God.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: So first, we need rest.
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: Our brains and bodies were never designed to function nonstop.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: Chronic exhaustion makes us far more vulnerable to unhealthy coping behaviors.
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: So sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: get adequate sleep. And then second, we've talked about this
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: on our program, Jess, we need healthy relationships. God created
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: us for connection, but isolation magnifies our distress. So safe
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: relationships provide encouragement, accountability, perspective, and support. And then third,
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: we need healthy rhythms. Rather than living in constant crisis mode,
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: we benefit from predictable practices that nurture emotional and spiritual health.
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: Things like time with God, movement, prayer, reflection, Sabbath rest,
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: and meaningful connection. They all help regulate our nervous system.
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: And finally, we need reliance on God. We were never
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: intended to carry life's burdens in our own strength. The
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: more we learn to bring our needs to him, the
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: less dependent we become on these temporary substitutes.
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: I love how this paints such a holistic picture. It's
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: not just about stopping a behavior. It's about becoming healthier emotionally, physically, spiritually,
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: and relationally.
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: Healing isn't merely the absence of unhealthy coping. Healing is temporary.
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: The presence of healthy living.
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: Michelle, I think there might be some listeners who are
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: hearing this and feeling discouraged. They recognize themselves in these
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: patterns and they may be wondering if they'll ever change.
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: What would you say to them?
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: I want you to know you're not alone.
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: Part of the reason that we're doing this episode is
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: because we've both been there.
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: First, I want to say this, please don't confuse awareness
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: with failure. The fact that you're recognizing these patterns is
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: actually a sign of growth. You cannot change what you're
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: unwilling to acknowledge. Second, I would remind you that The
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: gospel tells a different story. The gospel tells us that
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: God's love meets us in the.
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: Middle of our struggle.
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: And then third, if you find that your comfort-seeking behaviors
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: have become compulsive, destructive, or feel beyond your ability to
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: manage alone, please reach out for support. There is tremendous
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: change in asking for professional help, whether that's a trusted friend,
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: a pastor, a physician, or a mental health professional. Healing
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: often happens in community. You don't have to carry this
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: burden alone.
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: Before we close, let's leave listeners with something practical they
• 30:54
  Speaker 3: can begin doing today.
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: I'd like to challenge everyone listening to practice what I
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: call the one minute pause. The next time you notice
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: yourself reaching for comfort, stop for 60 seconds before acting.
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: During that minute, ask yourself three questions.
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: What am I feeling?
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: What do I need? And what would help me move
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: towards restoration instead of escape? Then choose one small restorative action.
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: Maybe that's stepping outside for fresh air. Maybe it's texting
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: a trusted friend. Maybe it's praying. Maybe it's drinking water
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: or taking a short walk or reading a psalm or
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: simply sitting quietly in God's presence. I don't want you
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: to worry about changing everything at once. Focus on one moment,
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: one choice, one step towards restoration. And over time, those
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: small choices create meaningful transformation.
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: Friend, if there's one thing we hope you take away
• 31:56
  Speaker 3: from today's conversation, it's this. Your desire for comfort is
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: not a weakness. It's part of being human. The question
• 32:04
  Speaker 3: isn't whether you need comfort. The question is whether the
• 32:07
  Speaker 3: comfort you're seeking is truly helping you to heal.
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: When life feels overwhelming, it's natural to look for relief.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: We've all done it.
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: But temporary relief was never meant to carry the weight
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: of your heart. God offers something deeper. He offers his
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: presence in the middle of your pain. He offers peace
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: in the middle of uncertainty. He offers strength when you're exhausted,
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: wisdom when you're confused, and comfort when you're hurting. And
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: unlike the comforts we often change, his comfort never leaves
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: us emptier than we were before. So friends, this week,
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: pay attention to where you're turning when life feels hard.
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: not with shame, not with condemnation, but with curiosity, compassion.
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: And honesty.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: And remember that every moment of awareness is an opportunity
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: to move one step closer to healing.
• 33:00
  Speaker 3: Thank you for spending time with us today. If this
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: episode encouraged you, would you consider sharing it with a
• 33:06
  Speaker 3: friend who may need a little extra hope right now?
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: And if you haven't already, be sure to subscribe so
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: you'll never miss an episode of your Hope-Filled Perspective. Friends,
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: we are praying for you. And until we meet again
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: next week, it's my prayer that you have a hope-filled week.
• 33:26
  Speaker 4: Everyone experiences pain at times. It can manifest physically, emotionally, relationally,
• 33:34
  Speaker 4: or spiritually. It can follow tragic accidents, great loss, sudden betrayal,
• 33:40
  Speaker 4: or unexpected and unwanted change. Often, pain is temporary. But
• 33:45
  Speaker 4: what do you do when it isn't? When pain won't
• 33:49
  Speaker 4: go away, healing does not come, and grief and hurt
• 33:53
  Speaker 4: settle in to stay. Drawing on her experience of chronic
• 33:57
  Speaker 4: pain in her years as a board-certified clinical neuropsychologist, Dr.
• 34:02
  Speaker 4: Michelle Bankson provides a countercultural perspective on pain. Offering hope
• 34:07
  Speaker 4: without any false promises or empty platitudes, Dr. Bankson unwraps
• 34:13
  Speaker 4: the complex emotional aspects of dealing with pain. She gives
• 34:17
  Speaker 4: you permission to question God, helps you identify the lies
• 34:21
  Speaker 4: you've believed about your pain, and reorients your perspective based
• 34:25
  Speaker 4: on the truth of God's word. Each chapter ends with
• 34:29
  Speaker 4: a recommended playlist, reflection, questions, and a prayer. Your pain
• 34:35
  Speaker 4: may not change, but your experience with it can.
• 34:39
  Speaker 3: Dr.
• 34:39
  Speaker 4: Sondra Dalton-Smith, physician, psychologist, best-selling author and a host of
• 34:45
  Speaker 4: the I Choose My Best Life podcast had this to
• 34:49
  Speaker 4: say about the hem of his garment. Dr. Michelle Bankson
• 34:53
  Speaker 4: is honest and transparent, and she gives the reader permission
• 34:57
  Speaker 4: to ask hard questions and practical guidance on how to
• 35:00
  Speaker 4: seek God during times when you feel the most wounded,
• 35:03
  Speaker 4: a beautiful gift for every person living with pain. Holly Gerth,
• 35:09
  Speaker 4: best-selling author of What Your Mind Needs for Anxious Moments says,
• 35:14
  Speaker 4: Pain is inevitable, but enduring it alone is optional. Dr.
• 35:18
  Speaker 4: Michelle Bankston is a voice of hope who will speak
• 35:21
  Speaker 4: into your struggles, a helping hand who will point you
• 35:24
  Speaker 4: to Jesus, and a wise guide who will lead you
• 35:28
  Speaker 4: through what you're facing so you can embrace more of
• 35:32
  Speaker 4: what our good God has for you. Pick up a
• 35:36
  Speaker 4: copy of The Hem of His Garment for you and
• 35:39
  Speaker 4: a friend wherever books are sold. Do you appreciate the biblically-based,
• 35:47
  Speaker 4: hope-filled perspective offered each week by Dr. Bankson? Why don't
• 35:52
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• 35:54
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• 36:00
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  Speaker 2: I'd like to take just a second to thank the
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  Speaker 2: team at Life Audio for their partnership with us on
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: this podcast. If you go to lifeaudio.com, you'll find dozens
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