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How to Navigate Different Family Money Values this Christmas... and a Very Relatable Bill-Splitting Drama · She's On The Money

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Speaker 1: My name is Tatasha Bamblet. I'm a proud First Nations
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Speaker 1: woman and I'm here to acknowledge country t Glenn Young
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Speaker 1: Ganya Nianar Kaka yah y and beIN Ahaka nian Our
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Speaker 1: gay In Mbini, yakarum Jar, Dominyamiga Umagahawakawaman, damon Imlan Mbaban
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Speaker 1: Gadabomba in and now in wakah Ghana on yak rum
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Speaker 1: Jar water Nata. Hello, beautiful friends, we gather on the
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Speaker 1: lands of the Aboriginal people. We thank acknowledge and respect
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Speaker 1: the Aberiginal people's land that we're gathering on today. Take
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Speaker 1: pleasure in all the land and respect all that you see.
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Speaker 1: She's on the Money podcast acknowledges culture, country, community and connections,
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Speaker 1: bringing you the tools, knowledge and resources for you to thrive.
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Speaker 2: She's on the Money. She's on the Money.
1:07
Speaker 3: Hello and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast
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Speaker 3: that makes personal finance fun, especially on Fridays. It is
1:14
Speaker 3: our favorite day of the week because we get to
1:16
Speaker 3: get the team together and celebrate you the incredible She's
1:19
Speaker 3: on the Money community, and yes you're hearing right, it's
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Speaker 3: just Ricky taking over today because unfortunately vd's and well,
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Speaker 3: I'm still going to be sharing all of my favorite
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Speaker 3: money wins and confessions, and Beck, who is also here,
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Speaker 3: is still going to share all of her best broke tips.
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Speaker 3: We're going to help answer a money dilemma, which is
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Speaker 3: a spicy one this week, all about splitting takeaway costs
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Speaker 3: at a friend's house, and something you slid into our
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Speaker 3: DMS about how you should handle clashes with your family
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Speaker 3: about differing money values on Christmas Day.
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Speaker 2: Oh, it's just us today. It is so nice. It's
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Speaker 2: always fun when we get to hang out.
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Speaker 1: I know it is.
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Speaker 4: Really.
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Speaker 2: You're so good at the intro. I guess I will
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Speaker 2: thank you. You're just like you just pick it up.
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Speaker 2: You just know what you're doing.
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Speaker 3: I feel like my intonation is exactly the same as
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Speaker 3: Victoria's because I've just heard it.
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Speaker 2: Very similar, but slightly different, totally. Oh my gosh, Well,
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Speaker 2: how's your weep? It's been lovely. Hi have done not
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Speaker 2: a whole lot, actually, just been plodding along the chaos
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Speaker 2: before Christmas. Oh gosh, lovely? Yes, how are you great?
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Speaker 2: I feel like everything is so magical this time of year.
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Speaker 2: You know, everything's so whimsyical. You do love a bit
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Speaker 2: of whimsy. I do love a bit of whimsy. Well,
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Speaker 2: I have a little bit of Christmas whimsy in this
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Speaker 2: week's five star review.
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Speaker 3: If you would like to hear it. I would love to, Alrighty.
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Speaker 3: It came from Bianca and she said, Hey, the Jess
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Speaker 3: and Beck. Because of everything you guys do for the community,
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Speaker 3: I wanted to give you a Christmas present of a
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Speaker 3: five star review.
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Speaker 2: Oh.
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Speaker 3: I'm ending the year in such a better way than
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Speaker 3: I started it off. From listening to you every week.
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Speaker 3: I've paid off my debt and I even have a
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Speaker 3: Chasia's account.
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Speaker 2: Thank you, queen.
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Speaker 3: Oh, that's so lovely, sweet. I just have the Christmas
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Speaker 3: warm fuzzies. I know it's in the middle of summer
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Speaker 3: and so you know, the traditional motif for Christmas is
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Speaker 3: a snowy winter, but I still get the cozy feeling. Yes,
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Speaker 3: and I don't really know how to explain it.
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Speaker 2: I know exactly what you mean. I still force I
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Speaker 2: forced myself hot cow a little chocolate moment. I'm sweating,
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Speaker 2: it's so hot. I'm like, well, you gott to, you know,
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Speaker 2: you got to.
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Speaker 3: I can't get behind the you know how they do
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Speaker 3: the Christmas decoration be Santa at like the beach or something.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't like it. It's not for me. It's funny,
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Speaker 2: but it's not for me. I get it, I get it,
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Speaker 2: it's hot, but Santa has to be rugged up what
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Speaker 2: it is. I don't want to see the shirt off.
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Speaker 1: No, not to me.
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Speaker 2: I don't want to see people. But I think they
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Speaker 2: should be freed. Yeah, double life. Everyone except Santa Pa
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Speaker 2: except Sanda. Actually, oh my goodness.
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Speaker 3: Well with this week we have another fantastic question that
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Speaker 3: she's the money are sent into us. I love doing
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Speaker 3: this because I think it's so fun to do something
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Speaker 3: not finance related. Totally if you feel the same, but finances,
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Speaker 3: I don't know that we're all here for the finance,
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Speaker 3: and I get it, but especially with VD away fun
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Speaker 3: to talk a little something Elsey. So this week's question
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Speaker 3: is from Kylie and she wants to know what the
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Speaker 3: gloss is on our Christmas wish list this week.
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Speaker 2: Oh okay, okay, okay, what are you hoping to say
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Speaker 2: under the tree. Honestly, I'm a big fan of a
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Speaker 2: novelty gift and I'm doing like a slinky like a
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Speaker 2: squishy toy, which I know is really silly. Because like, okay,
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Speaker 2: choose something practical like a Dyson vacuum clean that was
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Speaker 2: something that was actually gonna help me my life. Yeah,
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Speaker 2: but I really really just want, like, you know, tho's
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Speaker 2: like those little balls. I think Victoria actually got some
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Speaker 2: for us a few years ago. I think so were
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Speaker 2: you like press it and takes a world to bounce back.
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Speaker 2: I love those things, that little novelty, ideally colorful, weird,
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Speaker 2: useless crap under the.
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Speaker 3: Tree you never lost, like the childlike wonder of Christmas,
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Speaker 3: and I feel like that's what kids really wanted to.
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Speaker 2: It's a silly thing. Just give me a box, a
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Speaker 2: give box, empty box. I'm happy with that. What about you?
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Speaker 3: I wish I was as chill as you. What was
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Speaker 3: on my Christmas this year? I still really want a
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Speaker 3: Ninja creamy Swell. I feel folding out for Boxing Day sales,
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Speaker 3: hoping like there's a really good sale on there. But
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Speaker 3: that's obviously a big gift. I wouldn't acpect somebody to
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Speaker 3: buy me that. I love Amazon gift card for my Kindle.
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Speaker 3: I feel like, because yes, you know that, I can
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Speaker 3: buy lots of books.
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Speaker 2: Books.
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Speaker 3: Add up, they're expensive, so true. Nice to be able
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Speaker 3: to just put it on a gift card. I love
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Speaker 3: a gift card generally for Christmas.
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Speaker 4: Me too.
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Speaker 2: I think we've said this before, but I'm pro gift
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Speaker 2: card completely. A gift card, I completely wait because then
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Speaker 2: you don't have like the pressure of spending it on
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Speaker 2: bills and responsible things.
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Speaker 3: Genuinely, which I feel like is what everybody does, especially
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Speaker 3: like this time of year when you're so short on money,
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Speaker 3: you go, oh, I should be responsible or buy somebody
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Speaker 3: else a present with that or something like that.
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Speaker 2: Yes, no, no, no, let's get rid of that mindset.
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Speaker 2: Fun the things. Only I don't have a fills of
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Speaker 2: car does fun things, fun things, and that is all. Well.
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Speaker 3: Speaking of fun things, I have some really great money
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Speaker 3: wins that I've pulled out of the community this week.
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Speaker 2: Please alrighty.
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Speaker 3: Firstly, I've got one from Rebecca who said my partner
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Speaker 3: and I wanted a coffee machine. So I entered a
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Speaker 3: competition and I ended up winning scored myself a coffee
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Speaker 3: machine worth eight hundred dollars, so that we've saved the
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Speaker 3: eight hundred dollars we would have spent on the machine,
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Speaker 3: and also the money that we're now not spending buying
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Speaker 3: coffees out.
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Speaker 2: Double money with God. That is so good and it's
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Speaker 2: a very fancy to here, and I know you're good
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Speaker 2: with a coffee machine. This is what it looks like.
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Speaker 3: She's very I did hundred dollars for sure. Next, I've
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Speaker 3: got a money win from Holly, who said, for the
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Speaker 3: first time in my adult life, I've canceled my credit
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Speaker 3: card and I'm only relying on cash. It's scary, as
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Speaker 3: I've always had a credit card as a just in case,
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Speaker 3: but it had to be done.
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Speaker 2: You got to do it. Are You're going to be fine?
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Speaker 2: And I'm really really proud of you. Yeah.
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Speaker 3: And you know, if you've got your emergency fund, that
6:48
Speaker 3: will be your safety in it that maybe the exact
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Speaker 3: card would be typically so exactly if you haven't already.
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Speaker 3: Now has a really good time to start building that
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Speaker 3: one up. Next, I've got a money win from Emily,
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Speaker 3: who said she's sold a perfume that her ex bought
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Speaker 3: her on marketplace. It was ninety percent full, not her
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Speaker 3: cup of tea, and reminded her of him. She sold
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Speaker 3: it for fifty bucks. She's going to combine it with
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Speaker 3: a gift card she has from Mecca and treat herself
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Speaker 3: to a brand new one, beautiful new you new scent.
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Speaker 2: I completely agree in sense. Honestly, they can really take
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Speaker 2: you back to a bad time. So good for you.
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Speaker 3: I think that was a great choice and I have
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Speaker 3: a little feel at that one. Next, I've got a
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Speaker 3: money in from Peter who said they went to a
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Speaker 3: secondhand market for baby cloths and found a sleep sack
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Speaker 3: in great condition for a dollar fifty plus twelve outfits
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Speaker 3: their growing bub and they only spent fifty bucks.
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Speaker 2: It was so much cheaper than buying new. I didn't
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Speaker 2: know they were cly markets. No, that's fae. Never occurred
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Speaker 2: to me to look for something like that, but it
7:39
Speaker 2: makes total sense. Really, it makes so much sense. Yeah,
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Speaker 2: because the grow out of it so fast. Yeah, asleep.
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Speaker 2: There's nothing cuter than a sleepsack.
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Speaker 1: They look like a little.
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Speaker 2: Low worm I need.
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Speaker 3: Every time our friends bring their baby out in their
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Speaker 3: little sleep back for bed, I go, oh, a little.
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Speaker 2: Squamy web beds, so so cute. Oh my god, fill
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Speaker 2: a baby. It's the cute at see.
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Speaker 3: I know they were just so and they make fun
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Speaker 3: ones a little or maybe that's not for sleeping, actually
8:07
Speaker 3: the ones with the woods.
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Speaker 2: But anyway, it's dangerous. I actually don't know at all
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Speaker 2: needed to ask, but that's that's it's very cute. Exactly
8:16
Speaker 2: as long as they're cute, we don't care about the
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Speaker 2: rest of it. That's all about it is exactly right.
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Speaker 3: And then lastly this week, I've got a money in
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Speaker 3: from Zalie who said, got free scotch Field's avocados and
8:25
Speaker 3: sausages all added into.
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Speaker 2: My delivered grocery order. Oh great, love, that was just
8:29
Speaker 2: an accident.
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Speaker 3: There's nothing better than a random This happened to us recently.
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Speaker 3: We ordered online delivery from cold and we think we
8:36
Speaker 3: just got a whole other person's order because we yes,
8:40
Speaker 3: we did direct a boot where they just put it
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Speaker 3: in your car for you. My boyfriend picked up, he
8:44
Speaker 3: brought it home and he's like, I think we got
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Speaker 3: like somebody else's order.
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Speaker 2: And because we had these three extra bags, so it
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Speaker 2: was like a mystery unboxing. What did we get?
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Speaker 4: It was?
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Speaker 2: So I think I remember this, But they said that
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Speaker 2: they would give the other person there like you didn't
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Speaker 2: have to go take it back and be like, no,
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Speaker 2: was going hung that's it.
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Speaker 3: They were like, yes, great, they will just replace whatever
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Speaker 3: was missing, and it all equals out and the big
9:05
Speaker 3: corps are making billions of dollars. So I'm not feeling
9:07
Speaker 3: bad about you know, a flag of scotching.
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Speaker 2: No, that is so so fun. And now speaking of that,
9:15
Speaker 2: because that actually sounds like a great brick tip, but
9:18
Speaker 2: it's it's it's really just like a luck thing. It is,
9:21
Speaker 2: so it's probably not good for a brick tip. But
9:23
Speaker 2: if you was lovely, thank you so much. I'm not
9:26
Speaker 2: you know, I think we've mentioned this before. I'm not
9:28
Speaker 2: good at segways and I think that you are really
9:30
Speaker 2: good at them, and so I am trying. So if
9:33
Speaker 2: you ever hear appreciate the effort, thank you. Hit me
9:36
Speaker 2: with your break tips, baby. Okay, So this one comes
9:39
Speaker 2: from Stephanie, who says online catalogs are released Monday nights
9:42
Speaker 2: at five pm a e s t. For Coals and Woolies.
9:45
Speaker 2: I will look at these and see which week specials
9:47
Speaker 2: are better to determine do I shop Monday Tuesday and
9:49
Speaker 2: I or push to Wednesday for the new catalog specials.
9:52
Speaker 2: So clever, so clever. I hadn't thought to compare the
9:55
Speaker 2: week on week No, And because they're changing midweek, it's like, oh,
9:58
Speaker 2: you really could just wait and see take your pick,
10:02
Speaker 2: because nothing is more annoying than when you go and
10:04
Speaker 2: you're like, okay, I got to buy this thing this week,
10:06
Speaker 2: and then you see that it's on special a few days.
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Speaker 4: Wow.
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Speaker 2: Literallyating thing exactly. So the next one comes from Amara,
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Speaker 2: who says, I sell all of my Happy Meal toys
10:14
Speaker 2: on eBay for ten dollars.
10:15
Speaker 4: Loll.
10:18
Speaker 2: I agree with the loll. Happy meals cost six dollars
10:21
Speaker 2: forty five. They always sell within the week, and it's
10:23
Speaker 2: free lunch. I think it's that's genious. It's actually genius.
10:27
Speaker 2: Who's buying Happy Meal toy?
10:28
Speaker 4: I know.
10:29
Speaker 2: I mean, I guess like if you are after a
10:31
Speaker 2: specific wal, you're trying to collect them back, you're trying
10:33
Speaker 2: to collect them I probably want for McDonald's meal. That's genius.
10:37
Speaker 2: So smart. I am going to put this to the test. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
10:41
Speaker 2: that's so clever totally, because yeah, you wouldn't just be
10:44
Speaker 2: like I'm gonna keep buying half meals. You'd be like,
10:46
Speaker 2: I just want this one toy. I don't want to
10:47
Speaker 2: keep eating McDonald's.
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Speaker 1: You know.
10:49
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's genius. So thank you on that one, good one,
10:53
Speaker 2: and then my own one. So I know the shops
10:56
Speaker 2: are craziest time of the year and specials can like
10:58
Speaker 2: run out. So I'm using my broke tip to you
11:00
Speaker 2: that Coals and Woolies do rain checks. So if you
11:02
Speaker 2: go to get something special for Christmas Day and it's
11:04
Speaker 2: out of stock, ask for a rain check and they'll
11:06
Speaker 2: give you a slip of paper so you can buy
11:08
Speaker 2: it at the same price when it comes back in stock,
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Speaker 2: and there's usually valid for like thirty days. That's a
11:13
Speaker 2: great one.
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Speaker 3: That's very true, because there's also nothing more annoying than
11:16
Speaker 3: you go, Oh, I've looked at the specials. I figured
11:17
Speaker 3: it out that toilet paper's n sale this, and I
11:21
Speaker 3: need to get it, and then it's not on sale,
11:23
Speaker 3: so then you have to go somewhere else and payful
11:24
Speaker 3: price for it.
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Speaker 2: Totally. It blows your whole week out of whack. Yeah,
11:28
Speaker 2: not that I've ever stuck to something else. You do
11:35
Speaker 2: both toilet pods, some of you. That's so true. Different places, well,
11:42
Speaker 2: that's it. And I mean, you know, we could end
11:44
Speaker 2: up in the same exact place because some of you
11:47
Speaker 2: there's no rules, you blow whatever you want. Oh my gosh,
11:52
Speaker 2: we were very different places.
11:56
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.
11:57
Speaker 2: Reminder as well.
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Speaker 3: I feel like, well we're talking about Christ, just blowout.
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Speaker 3: I just want to say there's a lot of guilt
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Speaker 3: around this time of year, around your spending, around what
12:06
Speaker 3: you're giving. If you you know, we've spoken about how
12:08
Speaker 3: you might want to give someone a large gift you
12:10
Speaker 3: don't have the finances to do, so a lot of
12:12
Speaker 3: guilt around food and indulging and all those sorts of things.
12:16
Speaker 3: And I just want to remind everyone that at this
12:18
Speaker 3: time you add it every time of year, but you're
12:20
Speaker 3: allowed to.
12:21
Speaker 2: Do what makes you feel good and completely agree. Things
12:24
Speaker 2: that are.
12:25
Speaker 3: Done or given or said with love are worth so
12:27
Speaker 3: much more than you know, a really expensive gift. And
12:31
Speaker 3: I just feel like there's a lot of pressure and
12:33
Speaker 3: stress and we see people talking about it every year,
12:36
Speaker 3: and so yes, this is your reminder that if you
12:39
Speaker 3: want to blow out, or if you want to keep
12:41
Speaker 3: it in or whatever you want to do. I wanted
12:43
Speaker 3: this to be a nice sentiment, but I'm feeling.
12:44
Speaker 2: Like I'm really fumbling with the blowout. You did a
12:48
Speaker 2: great job, but just a reminder.
12:50
Speaker 3: Everyone to be kind to yourself and be kind to
12:51
Speaker 3: everyone else, because that's what it's really street is right, absolutely.
12:54
Speaker 2: I completely agree with that. So with that, go forth
12:57
Speaker 2: and we are going to go on a little break
12:59
Speaker 2: and on the flip side, we're going to be talking
13:00
Speaker 2: about splitting costs with your friends and handling clashes with
13:03
Speaker 2: your family, about differing money values. Don't go anywhere. Welcome
13:10
Speaker 2: back everyone. Here's this week's money dilemma.
13:14
Speaker 5: Hi. There, have you got a money dilemma you just
13:16
Speaker 5: can't solve that. She's on the Money team is here
13:19
Speaker 5: to help. Every week we tackle your dilemmas, both big
13:22
Speaker 5: and small, to answer your most burning money, career and
13:25
Speaker 5: life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website
13:28
Speaker 5: and leave us a short voice recording and you might
13:30
Speaker 5: just find yourself on the show.
13:32
Speaker 2: Now, let's take a listen to this week's money dilemma.
13:37
Speaker 4: Hi, She's on the Money love the pod. Hope you
13:40
Speaker 4: can help me with this one. So last night I
13:43
Speaker 4: went to a friend's place for origin and some takeaway.
13:47
Speaker 4: I got there late, so I didn't know what they
13:49
Speaker 4: had ordered, but it was eight dishes for five girls,
13:53
Speaker 4: and at the end of the night, seven dishes went
13:56
Speaker 4: back into the fridge, either unopened or half full, and
14:00
Speaker 4: I didn't take any leftovers home. But when I did
14:03
Speaker 4: get home, I got a bea my request for twenty
14:06
Speaker 4: eight dollars, I nearly died. I definitely didn't eat twenty
14:10
Speaker 4: eight dollars worse. And I feel like I'm paying for
14:13
Speaker 4: their lunch and dinner today. How do I ask to
14:17
Speaker 4: pay less? Should I ask to pay less? If I
14:19
Speaker 4: had known it was this much, I probably wouldn't have gone.
14:23
Speaker 4: And I'm the only one in the group who lives
14:25
Speaker 4: out of home, and I can't do this too often.
14:27
Speaker 2: Thinks that's such a tricky one. I think, like, I
14:32
Speaker 2: hate when some of that this happens, where it's like
14:35
Speaker 2: you really are relying on both parties. You're relying on
14:39
Speaker 2: the people to just do the right thing and just
14:41
Speaker 2: be like, oh, hey, you didn't need that much, and
14:44
Speaker 2: I'm taking all of the leftovers and we ordered too much.
14:48
Speaker 2: I'm not going to expect you to pay this much.
14:50
Speaker 2: You kind of rely on the other person to carry
14:54
Speaker 2: the mental and emotional load of that kind of thing,
14:56
Speaker 2: because otherwise it is extremely awkward for you to be like. Also,
15:01
Speaker 2: you don't want to be like a social pariah, you know,
15:03
Speaker 2: like there's so many layers to it. You don't want
15:05
Speaker 2: to be like, hey, I you are eating the leftovers.
15:08
Speaker 2: This is your lunch, this is your dinner. I didn't
15:10
Speaker 2: eat that much. You just like there's no other option
15:13
Speaker 2: other than like paying it but feeling really annoyed about
15:16
Speaker 2: it and being a little bit resentful or being a
15:18
Speaker 2: social prior because there's you know, like in an ideal world,
15:22
Speaker 2: everyone would be like, oh, that makes sense, no worries.
15:25
Speaker 2: But if they were going to do that, you wouldn't
15:27
Speaker 2: have been requested to pay twenty eight dollars in the
15:30
Speaker 2: first place. I feel so I think there are only
15:33
Speaker 2: two options here and tends out close you are with
15:35
Speaker 2: your friends. I think I would pay it this time around,
15:39
Speaker 2: and then in the future whenever there's any discussion of
15:41
Speaker 2: like hanging out and like buying takeaway or whatever, I'd
15:44
Speaker 2: be like, hey, guys, I don't have that much money,
15:46
Speaker 2: so maybe you just buy whatever, and I'll kind of
15:49
Speaker 2: like pave my own in that way, you can get
15:51
Speaker 2: your own food, you spend way less. They might realize
15:56
Speaker 2: how ridiculous it is to order eight meals for hey,
16:00
Speaker 2: and some people can eat that. That's so fine, Like
16:01
Speaker 2: some people like to have options, absolutely, but you know,
16:05
Speaker 2: if they do do that, then that's on them and
16:06
Speaker 2: they're going to pay for that, you know. So I
16:08
Speaker 2: think in this case, you kind of just got to like,
16:10
Speaker 2: you kind of just got to do it.
16:11
Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like you are well within your right
16:14
Speaker 3: to send a message and say either, hey, like we
16:18
Speaker 3: only ate one.
16:19
Speaker 2: Firstly, I can't believe you ate one of eight. That's crazy.
16:22
Speaker 3: I'm not sure what was going on there, but that
16:23
Speaker 3: doesn't make any sense to me. But you know, we
16:26
Speaker 3: only ate one of the dishes, Like, I just don't
16:28
Speaker 3: feel like I've eaten twenty eight dollars worth of food?
16:31
Speaker 3: Could I maybe swing by and pick up some of
16:33
Speaker 3: the leftovers? Could be a middle ground, So maybe you
16:36
Speaker 3: take some stuff home with you so that because also
16:39
Speaker 3: one person's probably not going to eat the other seven
16:41
Speaker 3: meals before they all go bad either. Yeah, So I
16:43
Speaker 3: feel like that's like a nice middle point, Like Okay,
16:45
Speaker 3: like I'm happy to like pay that twenty eight dollars,
16:47
Speaker 3: but like I want to feel as though I've gotten
16:49
Speaker 3: my values worth out of that, So can I come
16:51
Speaker 3: pick some things up? I also think it's probably more
16:53
Speaker 3: important to set a precedent for future and say, hey,
16:58
Speaker 3: like for future, when we're ordering and we wait until
17:00
Speaker 3: everyone's together, you know, make sure that it's in a
17:03
Speaker 3: decision that everyone's happy with in terms of what we're ordering,
17:06
Speaker 3: the amount that we're spending, et cetera. Because yeah, it's
17:09
Speaker 3: not hard in this day and age to like call
17:11
Speaker 3: somebody or send them a message and say, oh, we're
17:13
Speaker 3: thinking TI, are you happy with X, y Z? And
17:16
Speaker 3: then you can kind of then you've got the opportunity
17:18
Speaker 3: to say, oh, no, that's a bit expensive for me.
17:20
Speaker 3: I might pick up something else for myself, or you know,
17:23
Speaker 3: totally happy with that, or whatever the vibe is. So
17:26
Speaker 3: I think also it's a really good opportunity to open
17:28
Speaker 3: up the conversation to do that. But I think you're
17:30
Speaker 3: absolutely you're totally valid and fair to say that that
17:34
Speaker 3: doesn't feel reasonable to you, because it doesn't feel reasonable
17:36
Speaker 3: to me either. I don't know my group of friends
17:39
Speaker 3: that's we're always really conscious of that stuff.
17:41
Speaker 2: So maybe it's just not.
17:43
Speaker 3: Something they've ever had to think about. Especially if they're
17:46
Speaker 3: living at home. They've probably got a bit more disposable
17:48
Speaker 3: income than someone like our listener who is living out
17:51
Speaker 3: of home paying all their bills. You know, money's a
17:53
Speaker 3: lot something you're probably a lot more conscious of So
17:55
Speaker 3: it might just be that they need a reminder that
17:58
Speaker 3: that's not the situation for everybody. And if they're a
18:00
Speaker 3: good friend, they're really not going to munch. They're probably
18:02
Speaker 3: going to feel bad, hopefully and go, oh, I'm so
18:04
Speaker 3: sorry to think about it. Absolutely, like don't worry about
18:07
Speaker 3: transferring me the money or come pick something up or whatever,
18:09
Speaker 3: and we'll make sure that that doesn't happen again totally.
18:12
Speaker 2: And if you're kind of feeling awkward about asking to
18:14
Speaker 2: go pick up food, just maybe you could work it
18:17
Speaker 2: in a way that's like, hey, if you're not gonna
18:19
Speaker 2: if you're worry things are going to go off or whatever,
18:21
Speaker 2: I'm happy to take some food off your hands. And
18:23
Speaker 2: you know that kind of you you could frame a
18:25
Speaker 2: different way. Yeah, it's a really really good middle ground
18:27
Speaker 2: taking some food. And then that way you can kind
18:29
Speaker 2: of just fight in your brain is like, oh, okay,
18:31
Speaker 2: I've paid this money and it has gone to my food,
18:36
Speaker 2: like round.
18:37
Speaker 1: Yeah.
18:38
Speaker 2: But yeah, that's a real tricky one and could be
18:40
Speaker 2: very awkward, But I think there's a way out that's
18:43
Speaker 2: not Your friends are your friends for a reason.
18:45
Speaker 3: I feel like we get a lot of friend dilemmas,
18:47
Speaker 3: and I know that, like socially, we're conditioned to feel
18:50
Speaker 3: awkward to talk about money. But it shouldn't be And
18:52
Speaker 3: if your friends care about you, which were assuming they
18:54
Speaker 3: do see your friends, then it doesn't need to be
18:57
Speaker 3: a big deal.
18:57
Speaker 2: I don't think.
18:58
Speaker 3: Totally speaking of conflict though, this week's DM touched on
19:03
Speaker 3: as well, and it is I think very timely. Oh
19:06
Speaker 3: everyone prepping for their big family lunches and dinners. So
19:09
Speaker 3: our message said, Hey, angels, I really don't want to
19:12
Speaker 3: go to family Christmas this year. My sister is super successful,
19:15
Speaker 3: and my parents won't stop talking about how she's flying
19:18
Speaker 3: home business class and buying them an expensive coffee machine.
19:21
Speaker 3: She runs her own business and only seems to care
19:23
Speaker 3: about money. Well, I've always chosen passion overpay. Every time
19:27
Speaker 3: we're together, Dad jokes that I should be more like her,
19:30
Speaker 3: or that she should give me a job. She's also
19:32
Speaker 3: made a lot of money investing in companies that I
19:35
Speaker 3: find questionable. I'm the politically odd one out too. They
19:39
Speaker 3: all vote for what makes them richer, and it always
19:41
Speaker 3: ends in snarky comments. I'd love to know how you'd
19:44
Speaker 3: handle this and what lines I can use if I
19:46
Speaker 3: actually decide to show up.
19:48
Speaker 2: This feels like my entire life. I think there are, like,
19:50
Speaker 2: there's so many elements to it. And I always say
19:52
Speaker 2: to my partner, for example, who is like really really
19:55
Speaker 2: money focused and really does well with achieving her financial
19:58
Speaker 2: goals and all of these things, she always just says
20:00
Speaker 2: to me, like, we're just different. We're just different. And
20:03
Speaker 2: I'm like, I wish that my different wasn't the inferior one.
20:08
Speaker 2: Socially it's not, actually, but like socially we're taught that
20:12
Speaker 2: that is the inferior one. And so it is really
20:14
Speaker 2: hard to talk your way out of that, especially when
20:18
Speaker 2: you know, maybe you're talking to someone who does value
20:21
Speaker 2: money as everything. How much money you have depends on
20:24
Speaker 2: how good you are as a person, how much value
20:26
Speaker 2: you hold, and like, unfortunately there are people like that
20:28
Speaker 2: out there, and we just can't avoid it. And so
20:30
Speaker 2: when you're in this kind of situation and you're like,
20:34
Speaker 2: you know that you're happy, you're healthy, you have such
20:38
Speaker 2: a fulfilling life, and then you're talking to someone who
20:41
Speaker 2: is quote unquote different in the more superior way by
20:45
Speaker 2: society standards, You're like, well, I don't know what to
20:49
Speaker 2: say here because you're like, you could argue that, like
20:53
Speaker 2: it's not all about money, you could allure these things,
20:55
Speaker 2: and we all know that. People who know that know that.
20:58
Speaker 2: But then you're still like, well, I'm on a worse
21:00
Speaker 2: end of it. You'd be great if you had all
21:02
Speaker 2: this money and you are arguing that everyone's successful in
21:06
Speaker 2: their own way. Then you're like, cool, I have all
21:08
Speaker 2: this money, so I do know anything to worry about.
21:10
Speaker 2: And also I am allowed to say this. But when
21:13
Speaker 2: you don't have a lot of money and you're like
21:15
Speaker 2: everyone's successful in their own way, it's like, well, you're
21:17
Speaker 2: saying that because you don't have a lot of money,
21:18
Speaker 2: do you.
21:18
Speaker 1: Know what I mean?
21:19
Speaker 2: Does that kind of make sense? I totally. And so
21:21
Speaker 2: it can be kind of like inside you just like
21:23
Speaker 2: this feeling of like urgency of like but also helplessness
21:28
Speaker 2: because you can't really get your point across, you can't
21:30
Speaker 2: really be you feel like you can't be taken seriously,
21:32
Speaker 2: and you know all these things. There's so many, so
21:34
Speaker 2: many layers to it. But I think in this kind
21:36
Speaker 2: of situation when people say, like if you're you know,
21:40
Speaker 2: you're talking to your dad and he's like, you should
21:41
Speaker 2: be more like your sister. For some reason, as you
21:43
Speaker 2: were reading that, I thought it was going to say
21:45
Speaker 2: you should be more like a sister or she should
21:46
Speaker 2: be more like me, And it was kind of like,
21:48
Speaker 2: you're kind of taking bits and pieces from everyone's life,
21:51
Speaker 2: and yeah, we could all stand to be a little
21:53
Speaker 2: bit more like anyone. You know, I'm sure we could
21:56
Speaker 2: learn a lot from everyone in the world. Everyone's got
21:58
Speaker 2: room for improvement. Yeah, but why should just you be
22:02
Speaker 2: like just her? It's the money thing, and it's like,
22:05
Speaker 2: it's so exhausting at this point. It's exhausting, and so
22:08
Speaker 2: like I can understand why you don't want to go.
22:10
Speaker 2: I guess like I'm trying to avoid it. But communication
22:12
Speaker 2: is everything. But if you're surrounded by people who are
22:15
Speaker 2: not not seeing you and not understanding the richness that
22:20
Speaker 2: your life has, and richness comes from so many different things.
22:25
Speaker 2: It comes from community and love and friends and romantic
22:29
Speaker 2: love and friendship love and all these kind of things.
22:32
Speaker 2: And if they're just like boiling it down to literally
22:35
Speaker 2: just money, something that isn't like an evolutionary part of
22:40
Speaker 2: our you know, I'm just like, it's arbitrary. It's arbitrary.
22:43
Speaker 2: It's so arbitrary. So I think communication is key, and
22:47
Speaker 2: then I don't know, maybe like distilling it down and
22:50
Speaker 2: like asking them why they think this way and what
22:53
Speaker 2: they think richness looks like, what they think happiness looks like,
22:56
Speaker 2: and that you're human with different values and they are
23:00
Speaker 2: just as valuable. Yeah, so communication with it, and sorry
23:04
Speaker 2: to burst your bubble, but that's maybe the answer. Yeah.
23:07
Speaker 3: It can be really hard when you feel like you're
23:09
Speaker 3: the odd one out on you know, a political because
23:12
Speaker 3: I think that bleeds into so many different phases of
23:15
Speaker 3: your life in terms of what you value.
23:17
Speaker 2: But also there's nothing worse.
23:19
Speaker 3: And I've been in this situation where you're sitting in
23:21
Speaker 3: Kable at Christmas time and you're going, do I buy it?
23:26
Speaker 2: Do I not bite?
23:28
Speaker 3: I don't want to ruin Christmas? But also like I
23:30
Speaker 3: don't want to squash my own morals down. It's a
23:33
Speaker 3: very tough situation to be in, and I wonder, Yeah,
23:37
Speaker 3: exactly as you're saying, have you kind of raised with
23:39
Speaker 3: them what you raised with us? Like it's I understand
23:42
Speaker 3: that exactly as you said back, they're saying, well, well
23:45
Speaker 3: look at her, she's traditionally successful.
23:47
Speaker 2: But from what you've told us. It sounds like you're
23:49
Speaker 2: incredibly successful too. You know, you're you're working.
23:52
Speaker 3: Jobs that you're passionate about, You're doing things that are
23:54
Speaker 3: in line with your values. That's all really fantastic And
23:56
Speaker 3: exactly as you said, money is so arbitrary, Like, yes,
23:59
Speaker 3: it can make your life comfortable, but some of the
24:01
Speaker 3: richest people in the world are the most miserable, and
24:03
Speaker 3: arguably I'd rather be happy than you know, totally and
24:08
Speaker 3: really struggling.
24:09
Speaker 2: And I know it's not that simple.
24:11
Speaker 3: You know, obviously money is important, but yeah, I think
24:14
Speaker 3: that there is something in if you haven't already, because
24:17
Speaker 3: I feel like perhaps you might of but if you
24:19
Speaker 3: haven't already letting them know how these conversations make you feel,
24:23
Speaker 3: gently reminding them that there is more to life than
24:26
Speaker 3: those things like a business class flight is great, but
24:30
Speaker 3: you know, there are so many other things in your
24:33
Speaker 3: life that you probably have going on that it equally
24:35
Speaker 3: is exciting to you. You know, have they seen that?
24:38
Speaker 3: Have they considered that I'm a big to go back
24:41
Speaker 3: to my example of the Christmas dinner table, I'm a
24:43
Speaker 3: big avoid like I will just change the subject. I
24:47
Speaker 3: know that that's probably not the right answer, but see
24:50
Speaker 3: the conversation away where possible from murky waters, just to
24:53
Speaker 3: avoid a fight. But yeah, I think it's probably a
24:56
Speaker 3: bigger issue, and it can be really hard if you're
24:59
Speaker 3: working against what feels like a unit where everybody else
25:03
Speaker 3: is in agreement in terms of their perspective, it can
25:05
Speaker 3: feel really isolating for you on your own. So I
25:08
Speaker 3: just want to validate that, and I want to say,
25:11
Speaker 3: if going is going to be traumatic for you, it
25:13
Speaker 3: is also okay for you to not attend. I think
25:15
Speaker 3: there's a lot of pressure on people at Christmas time
25:17
Speaker 3: and a lot of you know, Christmas is all about
25:20
Speaker 3: family and love and da da da, And I know
25:22
Speaker 3: that you're like, yes, absolutely, that's true. But it shouldn't
25:25
Speaker 3: be to the detriment of your your self worth, of
25:28
Speaker 3: your happiness. It is just another day in the year
25:31
Speaker 3: at the end of the day. And if going is
25:33
Speaker 3: going to be emotionally taxing on you, particularly if you
25:37
Speaker 3: try to have like this type of conversation, I think
25:39
Speaker 3: and it falls on deaf years, that would be the
25:42
Speaker 3: point at which I would kind of be going, Okay, well,
25:45
Speaker 3: is this an exercise that I want to participate in future?
25:49
Speaker 3: Because you know, you also don't owe anybody anything. And
25:52
Speaker 3: as much as of course you want to spend Christmas
25:54
Speaker 3: surrounded by family and people you love, if that is
25:57
Speaker 3: going to be hard, I also think that if you
26:00
Speaker 3: not that you need permission. But if you did want
26:02
Speaker 3: someone to back it in a little bit and say
26:04
Speaker 3: that's okay, I just want to tell you that's okay.
26:06
Speaker 2: Completely agree. What did everyone else say? Yes?
26:09
Speaker 3: So we asked the community over on Instagram and the
26:13
Speaker 3: response is poured in. So firstly we said what would
26:15
Speaker 3: you do if you were our community member? Twenty nine
26:17
Speaker 3: percent of people said they would skip Christmas all together.
26:20
Speaker 3: Thirty percent of people said they would speak to them
26:22
Speaker 3: before Christmas, which we didn't even say that that's actually
26:25
Speaker 3: a great idea.
26:26
Speaker 2: That is a great idea.
26:27
Speaker 3: Preempt it a little bit and say hey, this is
26:29
Speaker 3: how I felt in the past. You know, I want
26:31
Speaker 3: us to all have a great time. Let's get it
26:33
Speaker 3: off our chest, because it's probably a little less emotionally
26:36
Speaker 3: charged than trying to have it, you know, over prawns
26:39
Speaker 3: on the Christmas table too totally. Then twenty two percent
26:42
Speaker 3: of people said they'd pull a Jess and keep quiet
26:43
Speaker 3: to avoid the drama, and twenty percent of people said
26:46
Speaker 3: they'd go in ready to call out bad behavior. Next,
26:49
Speaker 3: we said how aligned are your family's money values with yours?
26:53
Speaker 3: Forty three percent of people said they're pretty similar, seven
26:56
Speaker 3: percent of people said they're polar opposites, thirty five percent
27:00
Speaker 3: of people said we agree sometimes, and fourteen percent said
27:04
Speaker 3: no one even talks about it okay, which interesting but
27:07
Speaker 3: baally a safe yes, safe option I think for Christmas.
27:10
Speaker 1: Yeah.
27:11
Speaker 3: And then, of course, as always, we said to the community,
27:13
Speaker 3: what is your two cents? First person said, as the
27:17
Speaker 3: in quotes successful person in the family, I find it
27:21
Speaker 3: awkward to discuss money, and my family don't want to
27:23
Speaker 3: hear about it either.
27:24
Speaker 2: Self aware queen.
27:26
Speaker 3: Next somebody said, my boomer parents are slowly changing their
27:30
Speaker 3: minds and seeing the impacts that these things will have
27:32
Speaker 3: on the grandkids.
27:33
Speaker 2: Oh gorgeous.
27:34
Speaker 3: I do think it is a generational thing. I think
27:37
Speaker 3: our generation is probably more open minded than the one
27:39
Speaker 3: before them and before them. Yes, and so hopefully, like,
27:43
Speaker 3: even if it is uncomfortable to have these conversations, having
27:45
Speaker 3: them sometimes can really help to change the direction of
27:49
Speaker 3: those thought patterns.
27:50
Speaker 2: Totally progress for the future.
27:53
Speaker 3: Next, somebody said, if they risk the relationship by making jokes.
27:56
Speaker 3: It's okay to risk the relationship defending yourself.
27:59
Speaker 2: Oh it's such a great point. Yeah, if you're someone
28:02
Speaker 2: who doesn't like conflict, I really like that. Take.
28:05
Speaker 3: Somebody else said, I love my family, but this ViBe's
28:07
Speaker 3: really hard. I try to bite my tongue and rotate
28:10
Speaker 3: through talking to different relatives to help. Somebody else said,
28:14
Speaker 3: my brother in law is a Trump supporter. We've agreed
28:17
Speaker 3: to not discuss politics ever.
28:19
Speaker 2: Oh good, it would be really hard.
28:22
Speaker 3: Sitting And it is sometimes really hard sitting across from
28:26
Speaker 3: somebody knowing that you disagree on something. Yeah, fundamentally, Yeah,
28:32
Speaker 3: especially something like politics. Where as you know re said,
28:36
Speaker 3: it can it flows into so many different things, Like
28:38
Speaker 3: Trump is an example, Like I, personally, this is my opinion,
28:41
Speaker 3: think he's a vile person. I don't agree with any
28:43
Speaker 3: of the morals that he stands for. It would be
28:46
Speaker 3: really hard if I was seeing across from you back
28:47
Speaker 3: and you're like, oh my god, will Trump.
28:49
Speaker 2: Like totally, because I'm almost saying a roundabout way and
28:52
Speaker 2: this is like not only the Trump thing, but like
28:54
Speaker 2: in other ways, like yes, if you really took away
28:57
Speaker 2: everything you're kind of saying I think you're less than me,
29:01
Speaker 2: or is something like that in some way? Like yeah,
29:03
Speaker 2: and that is like if you know that you're sitting
29:06
Speaker 2: across on someone who you think thinks said about you,
29:09
Speaker 2: it's really uncomfortable and what do you do?
29:11
Speaker 5: Yeah, it is.
29:12
Speaker 2: It's so hard to think about.
29:13
Speaker 3: Yeah, somebody else said, a joke is only a joke
29:15
Speaker 3: if everybody finds it funny and not hurtful.
29:18
Speaker 2: Yes, completely agree, which I could not agree more with.
29:21
Speaker 3: Someone else said, to be honest, I offered to be
29:23
Speaker 3: on call this year to avoid big in law drama
29:26
Speaker 3: at Christmas time.
29:27
Speaker 2: So keen to be at home clever, very clever.
29:30
Speaker 3: And then last, they want to finish off on this one,
29:32
Speaker 3: which says if they weren't family and they were your
29:34
Speaker 3: friends instead, would.
29:35
Speaker 2: You go that's your answer. That's a great point.
29:40
Speaker 3: Don't feel obliged. People feel obliged to do things at
29:43
Speaker 3: this time of year, and you need to put yourself first.
29:46
Speaker 3: And that's totally okay.
29:47
Speaker 2: Yeah, completely agree. It's the one time of year where
29:49
Speaker 2: you should be seeing the people that you love the most,
29:50
Speaker 2: and that might be friends, that might be a partner,
29:53
Speaker 2: that might be whoever. But if you're not very happy
29:56
Speaker 2: seeing these people that you grew up with. That's okay
29:58
Speaker 2: as well. Just do what makes you at the end
30:00
Speaker 2: of the day all the time. I think it's a
30:03
Speaker 2: really great place to leave it. I think you're totally right.
30:05
Speaker 3: Thank you guys so much for spending the week with us,
30:07
Speaker 3: Wishing you the happiest, merriest, most joyous Christmas ever. No
30:11
Speaker 3: matter what you're doing or you're spending it with, whether
30:13
Speaker 3: you celebrate or not, know that our whole team is
30:15
Speaker 3: sending so much love to you and we're really excited
30:18
Speaker 3: to hang out with you again on Monday for a
30:20
Speaker 3: money diary.
30:20
Speaker 2: Merry Christmas everyone, and if you're spending the day alone,
30:23
Speaker 2: just know that we are here right here with you.
30:25
Speaker 2: So have a gorgeous day and a very merry Christmas.
30:27
Speaker 2: Bye everyone, Bye.
30:35
Speaker 5: The advice shared on She's on the Money is general
30:38
Speaker 5: in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances.
30:41
Speaker 2: She's on the.
30:42
Speaker 5: Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be
30:45
Speaker 5: relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If
30:49
Speaker 5: you do choose to buy a financial product, read the
30:51
Speaker 5: PDS TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your
30:55
Speaker 5: needs Victoria divine and she's on the money. Are authorized
30:59
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Speaker 5: D A b N three two one six four nine
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