Latest / Sacred She Reset: Awakening Your Radiant Wisdom in Midlife / Beyond Managing Symptoms: The Four Pillars of Radiance | 002

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Beyond Managing Symptoms: The Four Pillars of Radiance | 002 · Sacred She Reset: Awakening Your Radiant Wisdom in Midlife

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Cherie Ashana: You're listening to the Sacred She Reset podcast.
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If you're a woman in midlife who's done doing this alone and
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ready for real conversations, real wisdom, and real radiance,
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you're exactly where you need to be. I'm your host Sharia Shana.
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Your path to radiance starts here. Welcome, welcome,
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beautiful sisters, back to Sacred She Reset, awakening your
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radiant wisdom. I'm your host Sharia Shana, and in the first
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episode, I shared the story that brought me here: the years of
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surgery, hormone treatments, early menopause, and the slow
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process of learning that my body was something-not something to
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override, manage, or hand over entirely to other people. You
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can check out that episode if you haven't heard that one. I
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think you'll find it quite interesting, and I'm sure some
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of you will be able to relate. And so I went through the long,
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arduous process of learning to listen to my body and to
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understand this language and the language it was speaking, and
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how to translate that language. And so today I want to share
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with you the framework that grew from my journey, and I've called
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that the four pillars of radiance: health, healing,
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happiness, and heart. And it's primarily what I talk about in
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my latest book, Sacred She Reset. And these pillars became
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a way for me to understand something I had experienced for
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years, but I just didn't have a language for. And so, try this
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on for size.
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I just I wrote this little piece about you know not understanding
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the language or how when we go to say a doctor or somewhere we
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go that we're not treated as a holistic or a whole person, and
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so I wrote this little piece here, and I feel like a lot of
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you will resonate with this. A woman cannot be separated into
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neat little pieces. Her physical health affects her emotions. Her
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emotions affect her relationships. Her relationships
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affect her nervous system. Her nervous system affects her
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energy. Her energy affects her creativity, confidence, desire,
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and ability to make decisions. And yet, women are so often
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offered an isolated solution to one isolated part of themselves,
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a supplement for the symptoms, a strategy for the mindset, a
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meditation for the stress, a morning routine for the
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exhaustion, and each of those have value, but the woman
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herself can disappear between all the separate solutions. And
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so, today, beautiful women, I offer you the four pillars of
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radiance to bring you back to center. And I felt it was really
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important that I share with you why these are so important and
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how they fit together, because like setting the foundation with
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the story, now the beautiful framework that came from that
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amazing journey, you can get to see how everything overlaps and
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how you can start to maybe in your own life have a look at
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this and see where you can make some changes.
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So over the years, we women came into my one-on-one sessions
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carrying many different stories. Some were navigating physical
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symptoms, exhaustion, grieving. Some felt disconnected from
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their bodies. Others had reached a point where they could no
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longer clearly answer the question, "What do I need? And
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I'm sure some of you can relate to this. It's like we get when
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we're in that. There's we're on the cusp of a big
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transformation, right on the cusp, and it almost it feels
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like everything comes to a head at that time, and it's we
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literally almost lose ourselves in what's happening, and it's
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like we. I know for me in the past, I've had many times when I
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haven't been able to answer that question of like, what do I
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actually need right now? And I've noticed that even for
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myself, that when we start to travel into perimenopause, this
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is often the question: is like, what do I even need? So there
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was a similar moment that happened again and again. A
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woman would arrive. Looking as though she had been holding
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herself together all day, all week, perhaps for years.
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Sometimes the tears would come before we had even properly
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begun, and this is my experience with working with people, mainly
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women, one on one, in body work and situations like that, and
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working with them with herbalism and different sessions over the
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over the years, and it's not because anything terrible had
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happened in the room, because she had finally entered a space
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where she did not have to perform competence, and she did
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not have to hold everyone else, and she did not have to say she
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was fine, and so using practices such as sound, gentle touch,
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flower essences, breath, reflection, and body awareness,
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embodied and body awareness, I would hold a space where she
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could slow down enough to feel herself again, and this is
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literally what I did for myself over all these decades. I
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learned how to hold a container for myself where I could
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self-soothe and come back into balance and be able to give
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myself what what we call embodied self care, and so by
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the end of the session, the there was a lot of change. There
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was not always wasn't always dramatic, but there was always
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this Openness and expansiveness that was happening in that
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space. So it might have been just their breath had deepened.
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They were able to breathe deeper into the belly, or there was a
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softening of the shoulders, or their face looked different, and
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she could finally name what she was feeling, and so when we
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we're constantly in this override and constantly in this
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space of not giving ourselves what we need, we disconnect from
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how we're really feeling, and so some of these women would say,
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"I feel as though I've come back into my body, and doing this
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work is such a such a privilege and an honor to be able to hold
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space for other women where they feel safe in a container where
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they can let go, and so their reflections have stayed with me
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now, but often stayed with me and lingered for a while,
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because a lot of the time it was a mirror being held up in front
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of me of my own journey as well, and so there's this longing to
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return to the woman who can, you know, this beneath the demands
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and the responsibilities and the years of override. There's this
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woman who is wanting to come forward and to feel again, and
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so the four pillars of radiance. It's not a the the the work.
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Everything I offer is is not about rigidity or more
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checklists or more things to do. It's very embodied.
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You can you can integrate it into your life, and it's very
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subtle work. It's very subtle, and it's very it's very powerful
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because it has this way to penetrate into your life in a
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way where it starts to cultivate deep change, and so they
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are-they are more like gateways. I mention it as being more of a
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spiral of something that you can return back to over and over
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again, and you may come. You'll go round, and you'll go through
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the gateways of health, healing, happiness, and heart, and come
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back. And there's another layer, and so you meet it. You come
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back to that first gateway, not being the same woman that you
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were, and coming in at a different level, at a different
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frequency. Of okay, what's next? So, pillar one. Let's start with
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pillar one here. And before, actually, before I start, I want
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to just mention how that this again coming back to the word of
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holistic. What is holistic? It comes back to that bit about not
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not looking at our looking at ourselves in pieces. You know,
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need to fix that part or that part. This is about embodiment.
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This is about bringing it into the whole woman, the holistic
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space of. Who you are, and how that then ripples out into the
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rest of your life, and so pillar one, health. It's where we
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start. It's the ground beneath our feet. We need to we need to
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have a relationship with our physical body.
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We need to understand what it means to be grounded in in our
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physical form and in this human existence and this life that
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we're living on planet Earth, and this pillar includes
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everything, like it's around nourishment, movement, sleep,
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hormones, digestion, energy, the nervous system, and the many
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rhythms that we support on a daily basis, but little caveat
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here: it's not about creating a perfect body or this idea of
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this. We see this image of a perfect body. It's it's more
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than that. It's about relationship. How are we in
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relationship to ourselves? How we're interacting with the
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world, and bringing that bringing that into balance, and
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we need to start here. We need to know this Earth suit before
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we can move forward. And so, questions like, can you notice
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when your body is tired before she collapses. Can you recognize
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hunger, tension, overwhelm, or pain without immediately
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dismissing it? Can you seek appropriate professional care
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while still remaining connected to your own experience?
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Can you ask questions? Can you become a participant rather than
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feeling like a passive observer of your own health? And so, for
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years, I would often only listen when my body became loud enough
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for me to stop. And I know a lot of you can relate to this is
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this, oh, it's gone into chaos, and now I'm going to listen. And
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it's that doing something almost when it's too late. And so many
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of us live in a way where we wait for the migraine, or we the
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insomnia, or the panic, hot flushes, injury. Injury is a big
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one. Complete exhaustion, and if some of you have been through
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that out there, I know for me exhaustion was has been a huge
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one in my life, and I won't go into it in this episode, but I
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might dedicate a whole episode to just speaking about
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exhaustion, and we wait until, so we wait until our bodies are
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roaring and no longer whispering. And I know you can
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relate to this. It's like we just wait till it's loud enough.
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But there's been a lot of signs and and little little signals
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along the way that we've been ignoring, so health pillar
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invites us to begin listening earlier, not fearfully, just
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curiously. And your body is not a problem requiring constant
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surveillance. She is a relationship requiring
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attention, and I like to reframe it in that way, because you know
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we talk about our relationship with our partners and our loved
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ones and all the things, but how is our relationship with
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ourselves? And our relationship-this is this is
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actually I'm thinking here another episode all on its own
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as well.
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Our relationship with ourselves-how we how are we in
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communication with ourselves? How are we, you know, with it
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with ourselves? Because it tells us a lot about how we are with
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the external world. So pillar two is healing, and healing is
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the water of transformation, and it's what allows movement where
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something has become stuck. Many women arrive in midlife carrying
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far more than they realize: old grief, unspoken anger, trauma,
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disappointment, resentment, the emotional weight of being the
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dependable one, and I'm sure a lot of you going, yeah, that's
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that's me. The stories you've learnt about that is what a good
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woman should tolerate, forgive, or remain silent about. And so,
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healing does not mean endlessly analyzing ourselves. We got to
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give ourselves a break, ladies. Once in a while, it does not
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mean turning every feeling into a project, and it does not mean
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pretending that our physical symptoms are caused by emotions.
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Healing means. Creating space and just feel into this. Healing
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means creating space for what has been carried to be
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acknowledged. Sometimes that involves therapy, medical
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support, and grief work because more often than not, beneath all
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of this is a deep grief that we're carrying, and sometimes it
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means movement, breath, sound, art, ritual, nature, or simply
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telling the truth in a room where it feels safe to do so,
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and so it can mean all of the above. And the healing pillar
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asks, "What have I been holding that I no longer want to carry
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in the same way? It also asks, "What part of me needs
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compassion rather than correction? And I am like
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highlighting this here on my notes. It's like that was a
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massive one for me.
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It's like the self judgment, and you know, for you ladies that
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are listening out there, if you're in the sacred she resets
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circle on Facebook, you know, I might pop this one up as a
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question because it's big. I think it's big for a lot of us
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where we're not offering ourselves enough compassion, and
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we're rather overcorrecting ourselves all the time and
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judging ourselves all the time because we like feel like we it
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needs to be a certain way, but it's calling for softness. So
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many women have tried to heal themselves through criticism.
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Yeah, I know that was me. They speak to themselves with
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harshness, and and this is the bit I was talking about before
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about relationship. How are you in relationship to yourself? And
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that goes with how are you speaking to yourself? What is
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the self talk that's happening as well? And if you're speaking
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to yourself with harshness, would you speak to another woman
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like that?
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So, this-it's all about safety, and instead of bracing and
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opening to allowing whatever is there to to move and to shift,
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and so the healing begins when we stop treating ourselves like
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the enemy. And pillar three is happiness, and happiness is the
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song of the soul. I just love that because that really
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resonated with me when I was bringing all this together
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because I just I love singing and love bringing women together
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in the singing circles that I do, and it just cultivates such
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a beautiful positive energy. And in this pillar, it really calls
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for this song of the soul to come forward, and it's it's a
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space of playfulness of where you you start to begin to feel
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pleasure and joy and your creativity again, and so I don't
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mean smiling through grief or pretending everything is
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wonderful because that's that's it's not sincere, it's not
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authentic. Happiness, as I understand it, is our capacity
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for aliveness, joy, pleasure, curiosity, creativity, play,
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desire, expression, and those small moments that remind us
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that we are not here to manage, achieve, or endure. And so, for
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many women, happiness has become conditional. They will allow
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themselves to enjoy life when the work is finished, when
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everyone else is settled, when the house is organized, when the
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body changes, when they've earned it. But there will always
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be another task, ladies. There will always be things to do, and
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joy cannot survive forever as a prize waiting at the end of this
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endless to-do list. How how many of you know this one so well?
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And joy is not a reward for perfect performance. It is a
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natural expression of alignment.
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The happiness pillar invites a woman to ask, "What makes me
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feel alive? Hallelujah! And as I'm sitting here and I'm just
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looking at my notes, I'm going to be popping a lot of these
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questions up into the group, so this opens up the conversation
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around around the pillars, but also the questions here are
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really powerful. So, what makes you feel live, beautiful woman
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out there listening, and what have you stopped doing because
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it did not seem useful? So, what part of yourself? You know, what
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part of yourself have you been waiting for permission to play,
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to create, to sing, to dance, to travel, to laugh, and to begin
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again? It tells us where life is still moving, and so can you, as
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we we're about to come into the fourth pillar, and so I just
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want to take a moment to just notice how these pillars one
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builds on top of the next, and how they come into harmony with
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one another. And I'm sure some of you are answering these
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questions, going, "Oh my God, yes! Oh wow, these questions are
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hitting hitting me in the heart. They're actually resonating, and
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some of them may be triggering you a little bit, and that's
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okay. That's okay. So, yeah, you can see how these start to
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gently layer up and to to build on the next. And in pillar four,
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we have the heart. Heart is the gateway to grace. It connects us
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to love, meaning, compassion, belonging, and the wisdom that
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exists beneath constant mental noise. Well, the heart pillar is
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not only about romantic love; it's about the way we relate to
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ourselves, to other people, to nature, community, and whatever
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where we experience as sacred.
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And many many women spend years loving others through service.
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They anticipate needs, hold families together, support
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partners, care for parents, guide teams, remember birthdays,
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carry emotional atmospheres, but they may struggle to receive.
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And I see this a lot, and I do feel like this is a big part of
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why when women used to come into session with me, they would come
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in, and everything would let go straight away. I give them a
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hug, and the tears would come because they're like, I'm in my
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safe place. I can let net go now, and I can receive. And so
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they would hold all this so tightly together, like a
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combustion oven. And then it's like all it was was me with a
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little needle popping the balloon. See me, how are you?
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With open arms, and then they would, they would just burst
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open. But we do, as women, we we struggle. And I know this is
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like I'm not speaking from the other side of this, right? This
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this work I'm doing all the time, and I want you to
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understand that I'm not speaking to you as a guru. I'm not
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speaking to you as a someone who knows what she's doing here, but
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I am along the journey enough to know, to see, to have worked
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through a lot of this stuff, and to be able to hold that space
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for you now to share these conversations because they're
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really, really important. And so, learning to receive is a big
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one.
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So, you know, it's about you know they may offer
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understanding to everyone except themselves, right? They may
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belong to many people while no longer feeling that they belong
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to themselves, and this is this is what happens. We come to
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midlife. We come to perimenopause when the rugs
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totally pulled out from under our our feet, and everything is
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just it just goes tits up, and everything's all the balls are
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up in the air, and we're like everything just needs to change,
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and we suddenly feel different. We want to start listening to
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what we need and empowering ourselves again, and so this can
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come. This can feel really like rough territory. It can feel
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really prickly, and so the pillar, the heart pillar, asks
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us: Can can you remain open without abandoning your
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boundaries. Wow, I mean it's big work. It's big work. It's not
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for you know you can't take this on. It's not lighthearted. It's
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this is deep work. These questions open up can open up
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big caverns in some people. And can you love without
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disappearing? Can you receive without guilt? Can I trust that
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my needs are also part of the relationship? And these are
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huge. These like this work here, just on this pillar. Alone, you
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can sit in this pillar for a while. So, oof, I'm feeling the
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energy, baby.
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Feeling the energy, sisters. So the heart does not ask us to
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become softer in ways that make us easier to use. It asks us to
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become truthful enough that love no longer requires self erasure.
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It's it's amazing. It really is. I feel so blessed that this I've
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been able to bring this together, this framework.
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Because if you're sort of struggling to to find a way, or
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just look for a bit of a launching pad of where to begin
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and where to start, like where to leap from. This this gives
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you some really beautiful, soft, soft blankets to land on. To
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know that you're held and you are not alone. A woman may begin
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by saying, "I need more energy. So this is when you be going
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like, "Why, why, why the framework works? Right? I need
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more energy. But as she listens more deeply, she may realize she
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has she exhaust is exhausted because she has no boundaries,
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or she may say, "I need to feel happier, but beneath the
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flatness, maybe grief that has never been given space. She may
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think her problem is discipline, that perhaps her body has been
26:35
living in chronic survival mode. She may think she needs another
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productivity strategy, but perhaps she needs to stop
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constructing a life that only works when she overrides
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herself. So these four pillars help us move beneath the surface
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without dismissing the surface. Physical symptoms deserve
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appropriate care. Emotional pain deserves support. Relationships
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deserve honest examination. Joy deserves space, and meaning
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deserves attention.
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Nothing has to be paused. Nothing has to be pushed or
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paused aside in order for another part to matter. I think
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that's really important to understand because we can often
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think that we have to do this work and then we have to push
27:31
something else aside or pause something. But or even when it
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comes to, you know, oh, I've got a symptom over here, but I need
27:39
to do this. It's hard to hold both. This this container and
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this framework helps you to to hold it all and to be able to
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hold whatever is present in this moment and what is alive and
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important. So many many different approaches miss and
27:57
focus on one aspect of a woman, and it's like I said earlier on
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in this episode, they may focus on hormones, habits, thoughts,
28:05
diets, productivity, trauma, relationship, and each of those
28:11
are important. And and it's it's absolutely we need to sometimes
28:17
we need to just focus on one at a time, But I really want to
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reiterate the importance of working as a whole and working
28:28
holistically, and knowing that all of these can work together.
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So when the pieces are never brought back together, and
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that's often what happens, we get a bit disjointed.
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As women, we become-it's like we've got a list of problems to
28:43
solve. And yes, it can become too much, and then we go, "Oh,
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it's just all too much, and then we let it go. And that-that's
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what I experienced for many years. It just all became too
28:57
much, and I just handed the responsibility over to the
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professionals. So for years, it was for me. It was like one
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symptom, one specialist, one procedure, one recovery, and it
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was just this long, drawn out journey and cycle of 111, and
29:18
often felt like one step forward, four or five steps
29:22
back, but the problem continued to return. It still came back.
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So, what changed for me was beginning to ask a different
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question. Not only how do I make this symptom go away, but what
29:39
does my whole self need in order to feel supported, and so we've
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got to start asking just different questions, ladies. The
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question does not replace medical or professional care.
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Want to get that clear? It expands the conversation, and as
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long as we remain open. To what is here for us, we will always
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be moving into a greater space of transformation and awareness.
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So, one of the most important lessons I learned was that I
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could not outwill my body forever. I'd spent years
30:23
believing that strength meant getting back up as quickly as
30:26
possible. After surgeries, I would recover, return to work,
30:31
return to travel, and continue.
30:33
My ability to keep going became part of my identity, but the
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body is not impressed by identity. Sheep responds to what
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is actually happening, and so when my bleeding stopped
30:46
completely at 38, I entered early menopause. Yet even then,
30:52
my experience did not follow the usual script. The symptoms
30:56
people spoke about did not all arrive immediately. Some
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appeared years later, and even now in my 50s, it's different
31:06
again. The landscape's completely different now. Some
31:10
arrived quietly; they kind of sanaka behind me. Some look
31:14
nothing like what I expected. That taught me that there is no
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single version of menopause, no universal timeline, no perfect
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template, and the four pillars allows us to respond to the
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woman who is actually here, rather than forcing her into
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someone else's experience. And that, for me, right there, is
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like boom. We are kind of placed into this cookie cutter model of
31:46
how we should receive our menopause, and yes, there is a
31:54
rhythm and a flow and the phases, absolutely. But I mean,
31:57
this is not one size fits all, ladies. This this is the.
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anyway. This is another episode completely going on right here.
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The four pillars, bringing it back, keeping it clean.
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The four pillars allows us to respond to the woman who is here
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now, and this is why this is really powerful, and it it
32:22
brings us again into this container of being able to have
32:28
a little bit of a map, and not everybody's territory is the
32:31
same, but it gives us a little bit of a map to adapt this map
32:37
to how our life is and how midlife is for us, and you can
32:44
apply these these pillars to parts of your life. If you're
32:49
going through a huge life crisis right now, you might not be in
32:52
midlife, so you can apply these pillars to to whatever you're
32:56
doing. They're all adaptable, and so you do not have to work
33:01
on all four pillars at once. That would rather defeat the
33:05
purpose by turning radiance into another exhausting assignment,
33:09
don't you think? You know this. Like I said at the beginning,
33:11
this is not another to-do list or another like action plan or
33:14
another like I got a goal here. We're not we're not making
33:18
masculinizing it. I can't even get that word out, but masculize
33:24
the action, like inaction. This is really asking us to go
33:28
within. So you begin with the the pillar that feels most
33:34
neglected, and I I have some ways to help you kind of work
33:38
this out as well, ladies. I remember this is just a this is
33:44
just a introduction to a little bit of information about you
33:49
know the baseline of my my work and what I'm doing here. So you
33:54
begin with the one that feels most neglected.
33:56
Perhaps your body is asking for attention, and quite often the
34:00
body is asking for attention first. That's hence why it comes
34:02
number one, and perhaps it's grief that's been waiting.
34:08
Perhaps joy feels like it's a distant memory. Perhaps your
34:12
heart is tired from belonging everywhere except to yourself,
34:16
and so I would be saying like you just stop and pause, and
34:20
you'd be asking this question of like, which pillar is calling me
34:24
now? Which pillar is calling me now? And you can just do that
34:31
with a few quiet breaths, and then choose one small act of
34:38
return from for health, it might be making an appointment that
34:44
you have postponed. For healing, it might be acknowledging a
34:49
feeling without trying to fix it. For happiness, it might be
34:55
doing something purely because it brings you pleasure. And for
35:01
heart, it might be asking for support or telling one honest
35:05
truth. Radiance rarely returns through one dramatic act; it
35:11
returns through the places where you begin choosing yourself
35:15
again. And so, I've got a reflection for you.
35:21
Let's let's bring this back down. Take a breath. And
35:27
sometimes this is a lot to take in, but it's. I hope you're
35:31
feeling the transmission of what I'm, what I'm rippling out here,
35:37
and the importance of this work. So just taking a breath and ask
35:45
yourself which of the four pillars feels strongest in my
35:50
life right now, and which one has been waiting for you. And I
36:01
want you to not judge the answer, ladies. I know we can
36:04
get in our heads. This is a a felt sense thing, breathing to
36:09
that beautiful body of of yours. The neglected pillar is not
36:16
evidence that you have failed. I want to really bring this in
36:21
here because this is this is really important. There is no
36:25
failure. You've not done anything wrong. It is
36:29
information. It is an opportunity and an invitation
36:35
that there is always more for you. So to wrap this episode up,
36:45
if you would like to explore the four pillars more deeply, they
36:49
are at the heart of my book Sacred She Reset. You can also
36:55
join the Sacred She Reset community on Facebook, where we
36:59
continue these conversations together, and when you enter the
37:03
group, share which pillar is calling you most strongly right
37:06
now: health, healing, happiness. Perhaps it's heart. You will
37:14
find the links in the show notes. I'm Sharia Shana, and
37:17
this is Sacred She Reset: Awakening your radiant wisdom.
37:22
Your radiance is not something to create; it is something to
37:26
return to. Bye for now.