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Everyone Has 5 Minutes For Self-Care · The D Shift

• 0:05
  Mardi Winder-Adams: Welcome to the D shift podcast, where we provide inspiration, motivation and education to help you transition from the challenges of divorce to discover the freedom and ability to live life on your own terms. Are you ready? Let's get this shift started. Hi, and thank you so much for listening in today, we have a really amazing guest who I have had the privilege of working with in a mastermind for the last little while Dr. Peggy Gleason. And Dr. Gleason is a certified integrated health coach. She has a doctoral degree in natural health, and over four decades of experience in critical care nursing. So this is somebody who knows what they are talking about. And we're going to talk about something that's really important. This is this is coming up on the holiday season. And this is going to be something that I think all of us are going to need to tap into the information that Dr. Gleason is going to share today. So Dr. Gleason, thank you so much for being here.
• 1:07
  Dr. Peggy Gleason: Well, I am so honored to be your guest today and looking so forward to hearing what you want to know about. Well,
• 1:15
  Mardi Winder-Adams: let's start. Let's start at the very beginning. So tell us a little bit I give a very brief introduction about you. So can you tell us a little bit more about your areas of passion and expertise? And maybe a little bit about what what got you interested in these areas? Because medicine is a big field and you chose a really specific one? So
• 1:34
  Dr. Peggy Gleason: yes, thank you for that question. Well, I started out, of course, as in the dark ages, but I did have a passion for critical care. That was just something that, you know, that's what floats my boat is give me the the heaviest, you know, challenging, and I loved it. And I taught a lot of nurses through the years, how to do that kind of work. And it was a juggling act. And you know, a typical day in critical care was, you get your report, you get a couple critical care patients, and there's lines and machines. And you can imagine, right, and it's a non stop type of work. And I'm saying this for a reason. And not only is it non stop, but you're you're multitasking all day long, because you're looking at monitors, you're checking lines, you're doing this, you're doing that you're charting, and you don't take any time out, like the diet of a critical care nurse, I call it the Grab and Go diet, where you run to the nurse's slouch, you shove anything down your throat just to get some energy, take a I go to the restroom, and you run right back. So you grant and go, because you really don't have time to leave anybody unattended. I mean, you get a coverage. But he's still Yeah, that's yours, you know, you take care to that patient. But over the years, I realized a lot of patients were like a revolving door, especially on the medical medical floors. And it started making me look at things differently. Like wow, you know, they come in, because they have a symptom, they get medications for their symptoms, they get more side effects to come back and help we and it just keeps going on and on and on. So yeah, I'm not a big. I'm not a big supporter of pharmaceuticals. However, I respect the need for them. It's like don't throw the baby out with the bathwater, because sometimes you need certain things. But I found through my years there was medicine today is great for acute care, but they're missing something with chronic care. And that's where we look at lifestyle and what are we doing? So I went on a path to understand what modalities other countries were using, from our your Vita to Chinese medicine to any type of Eastern practices. And I wanted to see, actually, I wanted to use them myself. Right. And I found what was interesting, a common thread was that they did use some form of meditation or, you know, sort of shut down for a few minutes, you know, and I thought that, you know, we don't do that. We just keep going and going and going. And I was I know for me, what was the turning point for me was I was working in critical care nurse. I had three little kids. I was a single mother for part of that time. I had aging parents that I had to be very mindful of and I was doing my doctoral degree all at the same time. Yeah. And it was Go, go, go, go go. Now, when, and you know, today we hear the word burnout, which is a real serious issue. And people often ask me, Well, you know, how often does it happen? Like, back in my day, you didn't call it burnout. You were just exhausted. Yeah. And you were tackling, you know, there was no term or whatever. And, but the thing is, you don't know you're burning out. You do everything because you think you can. And that's the problem with women today. We think we can do everything, or we don't like to get help, because we'd like to do it our way. Do it now and get it done. And if yes, like, if you say to somebody, Hey, could you take the garbage out? And 20 minutes later, the garbage is still there, you wind up taking the garbage out? Right? Right. That's the way we are built. We're very I know, for me, I'm very independent. I have a magnificent family. But my daughter's the same way. And she's she's sort of even more independent than I am. But I think that's part of the issue with women today. So back to my story, I did study extensively, to see what other other countries other other medicine types were doing, and the modalities and, and I did, you know, did adopt them myself, because I knew I had to do something about my little addiction of doing too many things. And I think that was the first thing that I brought into it. And then I got really interested in how can I share this with other people that, you know, women need help, there's no doubt about that. They absolutely need help, would you would you
• 6:50
  Mardi Winder-Adams: agree, and I may be saying this kind of off the top of my head, I don't have any studies or information in front of me. But I think a lot of women, especially the women that I talk to, that are going through the divorce, they think that they did if they asked for help, that's perceived as a sign of not being competent, not being capable, lacking in some skill, or talent or ability. And I'm not, I'm not, I don't see everything as a big patriarchal, you know, attempt to squash women. But I do think that there's different expectations. Like nobody expects a CEO of a Fortune 500 company who's a man to come home, do laundry cook for the family, take the kids to soccer practice, you know, he's just a good guy if he takes the garbage out. Right.
• 7:37
  Dr. Peggy Gleason: You know, that's such a great point. And you're absolutely correct in your thoughts. And um, you know, all the any of the research I've done just shows, women do have a lot more responsibilities, right? Because our nature were the were the mothers, the caregivers, were the caregivers of elderly parents. And you have a lot of wonderful men that that jump in also. And so I appreciate all of all of those men that that do participate and are proactive.
• 8:16
  Mardi Winder-Adams: Oh, yeah. And yeah, and I thank you for saying that. Because I am by no means painting all men with this broad brush. And I think it's a generational thing, too. I was talking to a Braden Ricketts, who was on my podcast a couple of days ago. And he was talking about as a co parent, he's a lot, he's a couple of decades younger. And he had some fantastic insight into how things are done. You know, more with his generation, it's not so x, the expectation is an all on one parent to do this, and the other parent doesn't do anything just pops in on the weekends and does things that's that's kind of going out the window. And I love that. But I really want to focus in on something that I know that you work with women, and we're kind of leading up to this. But the two things that I'd like to I'd like to pick your brain on is finding ni time. And the other one is that kind of setting boundaries and learning how to say no. So I'm gonna I'm going to let you go with which one of those you would like to focus in on first or
• 9:26
  Dr. Peggy Gleason: well set the time thing that's got to be the first thing I have to talk about because all of the clients I've ever worked with, when we're we're coaching or we're in this place, we're gonna do a plan, right? The minute they think they have to stop, to do something to say, I don't have time. I don't have time. And you know what, that's what it feels like when you're in the middle of it. You know, I know back when I was in that In that place, of course, I probably never said I don't have time. I just said yes to everything, which was my issue. So they sort of they sort of go together. Right. But that that's the number one thing they have to do is learn how to carve out meet time. And what's interesting when you look at the hours that we will the minutes even, that we spent doing things that we're not even realizing could be used for valuable things. Right. And especially today with the Yeah, phone. Yeah. Any the devices? You're, it's a distraction. We're distracted all day long. And that distraction, you know, think about, you go on Amazon to order something. So you look up what you want. But in the meantime, you've gotten pulled over, you're like a squirrel, you're like, plants, you know. And then you go, Oh, wait a minute that some somebody would like for Christmas, wait. And then you go over here, and then all of a sudden, that two minute thing, because you knew what you wanted in the first place, right? must become 47 minutes, yeah, those 47 minutes, or those 45 minutes that you've just used there could have been used for a lot of other things, maybe, maybe just to sit down.
• 11:27
  Mardi Winder-Adams: And all that stuff is not accidental that getting caught up 45 minutes on Amazon, that is strategic marketing, they have planned that they guarantee, because they put the suggested other items, and this goes with this. They give you like 17 things to compare. So you click around in different this is this is all planned. And it's again, it's not some big corporate attempt to overtake the world or its marketing. It's, it's what they do. And they do it very well. So, so Dr. do with
• 11:59
  Dr. Peggy Gleason: that, you know, just to finish that is when I'm working with women, I do have a way to teach them. And a lot of it is, you know, doing a time study, so to speak. It's not real formal, but we go through all of those various things that we do get hung up with. Yeah, and they usually can find that little bit of time for them. Yes.
• 12:25
  Mardi Winder-Adams: And you want to know the other I was talking to. And again, I can't remember who I was talking to you about this. But it was, I think a friend of mine. And we were just chit chit chatting. We're both entrepreneurs. And I said, Have you ever noticed that if you have two hours to get this project done, you can get it done in two hours. But if you have a whole day to get it done, it takes a whole day to get it done? Because you do you go down those rabbit holes, you don't hold yourself accountable. So I love the idea of of doing a time study, even? And can you just tell people briefly if they're not sure what a time study is? Can you just sort of not?
• 13:04
  Dr. Peggy Gleason: Well, basically, when we say time study, it really just looks at your typical day? And what are all the things you have? You can look at the day before you can, you can make it really easy. It doesn't have to be complicated. But you look at where did all your time go yesterday, for instance, right? And really look at it. And we have a checklist and I can say okay, you know, computer, you know, driving, there's all these other things. Because sometimes you need help in trying to figure out where your time went. So we just go through and really drilled down. How much time did you spend on things you did not need to spend time on or things you did not intend to spend time on?
• 13:49
  Mardi Winder-Adams: Yeah. And it's interesting, because I worked in a psych hospital for five years. And we used to have to block off every 15 minutes what we did throughout the day, that was a requirement. And we had to turn those in old school, no computers, handwritten took, like 20 minutes to do the freaking time study. But you had to do it and you had to do it. Like you had to be accurate. Like you had to record if you went to the you know, if you took a restroom break, or you did like that all had to be and you were that was how they did their efficiency stuff to
• 14:21
  Dr. Peggy Gleason: see. And I you know what, and you're not alone because in in Duke Medical Hospital, which I've I'm affiliated with. We have done time studies for certain tasks, like how long does it take you to do? One referral to a nursing home? Like something like that? Right. Right. But I think that is it's important for people to realize that it is important to know, it's like your money. Where's your money? Go? Where's your time going? Yeah, you got to look at that way, like time is much more valuable than money. Yeah, no.
• 14:55
  Mardi Winder-Adams: Get that back. And we do that now. I mean, I do that in part of my cell. care stuff with food, like, keep a food journal, like what do you actually eat? Like everything? Like, yeah, you pop that hard candy in your mouth, you count that one. And then within two or three days, you start identifying patterns, like, okay, my stress levels are up here. So I grabbed, you know, a Twinkie, or whatever, a glass of wine, whatever it was. So yeah, you can quickly start to see how this stress has such a net burnout. And that feeling of having to be on that hamster wheel really gets a impacts all parts of your life, like incredibly, so
• 15:35
  Dr. Peggy Gleason: it's so does your CIO. Right, Marty? So once you get once you
• 15:39
  Mardi Winder-Adams: get people to recognize that they got these ways earn, I don't know if I even want to say wasted but in a federal inefficient time usage that's not productive for them. How do you get them to then limit that or set those boundaries around that? Because is that the next step for you?
• 15:59
  Dr. Peggy Gleason: I think just the awareness is the most important thing. Okay. And then we look at, you know, where are they in their self care regime? Are they taking time? What are they missing? I have to know, like with the assessment, okay, that's your time study. So what would your life change? If you had time to journal or meditate? Or, you know, exercise or have the time to cook a healthy meal? Yeah. Because you always hear people don't have time to cook a healthy meal that they have time to drive to McDonald's, and come back. Right. So
• 16:37
  Mardi Winder-Adams: take online for 35 minutes.
• 16:38
  Dr. Peggy Gleason: Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I'm gonna get that, you know, that extra large fries. It's on sale. So you know, I think it there's a lot a lot more pieces when I work with people because I really got to dig a little deeper. See what it is that they're missing? The one thing I when I do, if they say, I don't have time, I really they're just frazzled. I will always tell them. Do you have five minutes? Well, yeah, I have five minutes. And then I will tell them what they can do for five minutes. And there's a wonderful book that one of my mentors when I went to Duke Integrative Medicine, Jeff Brantley wrote it, and it's called. And it's on Amazon. It's called. It's five minutes, but it's 100 different things you can do for five minutes in the morning to keep you calm throughout the day. Okay, cool. Yeah. Love that book. So I will make sure to get you that title. If you want to put it
• 17:44
  Mardi Winder-Adams: I'll make sure it's in the show notes. Absolutely. Yeah. But you know,
• 17:47
  Dr. Peggy Gleason: it just shows you that you can start somewhere. Yeah. And I always say to people, look, all you have to do if you really want to start learning now, I've been meditating for years and years. And journaling, it's pattern, you get up for me, I grab a cup of coffee, but I get up. I have a warm beverage. I sit, I do my quiet time. And then I journal. So it's just that sort of the way to start the day. Right. And it's interesting, I noticed when I don't do it, my day is different. Because maybe that's all they need to do. And people say, Well, I gotta go to work. Well, can you get up a half an hour early? Put in 15 minutes of whatever it is, that's important to you. Right?
• 18:33
  Mardi Winder-Adams: Yeah. And that that's the power of working with somebody like you, Dr. Grace, and just to really pinpoint that this doesn't, we're not talking about going into a meditation room, lighting a candle and blocking yourself out from the world for an hour while you do meditation. It can be short, manageable pieces throughout the day, that really helps you to to build that emotional reserves so that when you do hit a crisis, because we all are going to hit them every day, whether they're bigger little or you have a way to deal with them rather than being already on empty and then the crisis hits. Right,
• 19:09
  Dr. Peggy Gleason: right. So yeah, and I even say people that are working at a in, in inside a job, not at home. If you're really frazzled, excuse yourself, go to the nearest restroom, close the door, and just breathe. And just notice your breath for five minutes. That's it. Yeah. And you'll come out. Kind of reset. You've just got to reset yourself pretty often.
• 19:35
  Mardi Winder-Adams: Yeah. And there's nothing wrong with doing that either. That's that's the healthy way to handle it. Yeah, yeah. And I actually it's really interesting because I've worked with a couple of companies as a as an app, which I don't do much anymore, but as an executive and leadership coach, and we've actually encouraged people every hour on the hour to take five minutes, get up, go stand outside. Go went to the break room, they had really nice, they had put in really nice couches, they had like soothing music going on. And it changed the productivity of that organization completely. I'm not going to take credit for it, because I didn't invent that idea. It was just, you know, they use it all the time. But it's amazing how those like you see those little breaks throughout the day. So let's get to because we're almost out of time here. Let's jump to I know these conversations go like, wow,
• 20:30
  Dr. Peggy Gleason: they do. But this is great.
• 20:32
  Mardi Winder-Adams: Let's talk about the one that I think. And we're this is going to our podcast is coming out in December, which is going to be really critical, I think for people, but you can use this anytime, anytime. How do you learn to say no, gracefully?
• 20:50
  Dr. Peggy Gleason: I love this question, because I never could. I thought people are gonna judge me as being rude or not nice or, but I always say when somebody asks you to do something, pause, do not answer right away. That was what I had to learn. Because let's go Oh, yeah, sure, sure. without really even thinking, Do I even have time? That's the first thing is pause and say, you know, let me get back to I'm going to check and see what my day is like, till you have to do. It's graceful. You're not, you're not insulting them. And then when you're ready to say, No, you can be very polite. So you know what, I realized I really have a pretty packed schedule here. And I'd love to help you, either. You know, did you know maybe I can find somebody to help you with that? Or, you know, you can you can do it gracefully by either suggesting another way for them to get the hell or you know, I mean, that's one of the really nice ways not everybody has a thought of who else can fill that whatever it is. But and you know, say but you know, keeping in mind the next time, or maybe not, you may not want to say that you may not want to open a door. Right, right. Yeah. But you never say. Maybe you have to close that door. Yeah. Because if you don't close that door stays open. Yeah. I always
• 22:19
  Mardi Winder-Adams: say maybe as a yes. If somebody says maybe to me, I just write them down. Yep. They agree.
• 22:26
  Dr. Peggy Gleason: On right. So it's the perception, right? Yeah. And I think that's a very hard thing for a lot of people to learn. But it can be learned, it can be a great skill. But you have to sort of create new neural pathways on how to do that. Because you're automatically going to say what you always did, right? Yeah. But the first thing is pause.
• 22:48
  Mardi Winder-Adams: And I think I, I think to another easy, well, maybe easier technique is if you have kids to practice with your children, less, if they say, Hey, Mom, I need a glass of juice. And they're, you know, they're capable of going to the fridge and getting their own juice. You know, it's like, Wow, that's great that you wanted another glass of juice in the fridge is right there. Let me know, if you need any help, just let them do their own thing, like letting go of the small things then makes it easier, don't you think?
• 23:18
  Dr. Peggy Gleason: Or Yes, yes, absolutely. You know, it's, it's sort of like, how we look at, when there's a lot of stuff on our plate. And you can't take any more, you have to start seeing what you want to keep and what you want to get rid of the same thing with your time, right? So you have to learn to delegate, delegate, or delete some of the things on your plate, you know, and that's all part of the saying no, is don't take any more with the No, but also think about what you're already overdoing. Right? And look at things that are really not in part important. And prioritizing is all part of that, the course that I try to teach them about the time time management, it's really important to look at all of the options you have. Yeah,
• 24:10
  Mardi Winder-Adams: that this is so exciting, because I think the world of possibilities is here for anybody who's feeling overwhelmed feeling like they look like they just they can't try one more thing into their day. And they know that there's, you know, 20 requests coming out there from family and friends especially over the holidays. It gets a little nutty for a lot of people so
• 24:32
  Dr. Peggy Gleason: that's where you have to set your boundaries right
• 24:34
  Mardi Winder-Adams: and that's where I think that oh gosh, you know, even if you're even if you're not a lender is on your phone. Just say I have to check my schedule. I love that idea. Yeah, it's
• 24:45
  Dr. Peggy Gleason: it's such a powerful tool to us because we we keep saying yes, yeah.
• 24:52
  Mardi Winder-Adams: And and then and then we regret it. We have instant buyer's remorse and then you feel and then I think you send out that energy like well I'm here, but I don't want to be here and
• 25:05
  Dr. Peggy Gleason: try to hide it. Look at me guys with humor, but we know you're
• 25:11
  Mardi Winder-Adams: exactly, exactly. We have covered a ton of stuff. And you have given some phenomenal tips, strategies and ideas for people to put in place on their own. But let's face it, it's really hard to put things in place on your own. So what what would you say is the takeaway thing that you would like people to remember from this conversation when they shut off this podcast and go back to their busy lives.
• 25:36
  Dr. Peggy Gleason: Everyone has five minutes, start there. Just close your eyes, take a deep breath. And just know you're wonderful as you are. You don't have to get any better. But just take care of what you have.
• 25:51
  Mardi Winder-Adams: I love that. What a nice way to end this to know Dr. Gleason, I know that you have a giveaway for people that they can access. And that's all going to be in the show notes. You want to say a little bit about that. And also, let us know how people can reach out to you if they want to find out more about what you do.
• 26:08
  Dr. Peggy Gleason: Well, this is a perfect thing for this. This took because it is the document on how to say no gracefully and set boundaries. So you will get that you'll get a lot of tips about how to do it. And to get in touch with me. It's peg at Peggy gleason.com. Really easy. And I have several different links among all the social platforms. It's always Peggy Gleason. That's it or Dr. Peggy Gleason. But certainly feel free to contact me with any questions and I'm happy to help you out.
• 26:43
  Mardi Winder-Adams: Wonderful. Thank you so much. Dr. Gleason really enjoyed all your information. And again, all of Dr. Gleason's information is in the show notes. And I'm gonna encourage you to reach out to her if you're finding it hard to find those five minutes in your day because she's going to help you discover a lot more than five minutes. Thanks so much, Dr. Gleason.
• 27:02
  Dr. Peggy Gleason: Well, thank you so much. I feel honored being here and I hope you're all your audience has a wonderful, safe and happy holiday season.
• 27:12
  Mardi Winder-Adams: And I'm going to second thank you so much. Thanks for listening and supporting the gay shift podcast. If you would like to attend live trainings by our amazing guests and have a chance to ask questions and get answers from our experts. Join the D Shift crew. For more details and to sign up, head on over to www dot divorce coach for women and click on the podcast page.