Latest / The REALationship Method / 100!!! REAL Marriage Talk, Bad/Good Cop, and Brady Bunch Woes with Tiffany

Transcript

100!!! REAL Marriage Talk, Bad/Good Cop, and Brady Bunch Woes with Tiffany · The REALationship Method

0:08
SPEAKER_01: 4321.
0:10
SPEAKER_01: Welcome back to another episode of the Relationship Method podcast.
0:13
SPEAKER_01: It's your boy Chris.
0:14
SPEAKER_01: Today is a very special one.
0:16
SPEAKER_01: Um I have a very special guest today.
0:20
SPEAKER_01: Um she doesn't know it yet, but she is on my 100th episode.
0:26
SPEAKER_01: I am filming for this 100th episode right now, and um who else to bring on except wait, did I say right?
0:36
SPEAKER_01: Who else to bring on but my wife?
0:41
SPEAKER_01: Tiffany Lomboy.
0:42
SPEAKER_02: Yay! Lock it.
0:47
SPEAKER_01: No, don't do that.
0:49
SPEAKER_01: Don't do that.
0:50
SPEAKER_01: Um, Tiff Ebops.
0:53
SPEAKER_01: How are you doing today?
0:56
SPEAKER_00: I'm good.
0:57
SPEAKER_01: Good, huh?
0:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I was being rushed out the house though.
1:00
SPEAKER_00: Why?
1:01
SPEAKER_00: Because of you.
1:02
SPEAKER_00: I had to be on time, but I was kind of late.
1:06
SPEAKER_00: I had things to do.
1:07
SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
1:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:09
SPEAKER_01: What things?
1:10
SPEAKER_01: What what did you have to do this morning after I left our humble abode?
1:15
SPEAKER_00: Well, I wanted to finish getting ready.
1:18
SPEAKER_00: You know, hair, makeup, outfit, scents.
1:22
SPEAKER_00: It's like I'm just a girl.
1:26
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
1:27
SPEAKER_00: No, but also, too, I had to make sure that the kids were okay.
1:30
SPEAKER_01: Mm-hmm.
1:31
SPEAKER_00: And then I my dad, uh my dad had a stroke, so I'm currently taking care of him.
1:36
SPEAKER_00: Or I should say, we are currently taking care of him.
1:39
SPEAKER_00: So he had to use the bathroom before I left, and his foot was hurting today.
1:44
SPEAKER_00: So he had to use a wheelchair.
1:46
SPEAKER_00: So I had to wheel him to the bathroom, wait for him to finish, and then wheel him back and then make sure he was like good to go.
1:53
SPEAKER_00: Um, so that's why I was late.
1:55
SPEAKER_00: So I had important responsibilities.
1:58
SPEAKER_01: Speaking of your dad's stroke, like how um how sudden did this happen?
2:04
SPEAKER_00: So it's been a while.
2:05
SPEAKER_00: He had his stroke, like the weekend before Thanksgiving.
2:11
SPEAKER_00: So he's been in the hospital all the way from like the weekend of Thanksgiving, and then he didn't get released to our care until December 24th.
2:24
SPEAKER_00: So it was on Christmas Eve.
2:26
SPEAKER_00: And then from that point on, he's been recovering.
2:30
SPEAKER_00: So he's had lots of appointments, and then he has lots of um physical therapy.
2:36
SPEAKER_00: People actually come to our house and they help with occupational therapy and physical therapy.
2:43
SPEAKER_00: So it's been a lot, and it's been over a long time, but a good chunk of the time that he had a stroke, he was in the hospital.
2:52
SPEAKER_00: So he's only been home for about not even two months yet.
2:56
SPEAKER_00: So next week, yeah, next week will be two months since he's had since he's been home.
3:03
SPEAKER_01: So um, how how were like what were the symptoms that you saw leading up to like us taking him or you taking him to the hospital?
3:15
SPEAKER_00: So I didn't physically see anything until a couple days my dad's really honoring.
3:22
SPEAKER_00: He as soon as he told me what was happening, so the day started out like normal.
3:28
SPEAKER_00: He woke up, he got ready.
3:31
SPEAKER_00: I was doing errands that day, so he thought I was working and he was gonna go pick up our kids from school because they're their school is right across the street from our house.
3:40
SPEAKER_00: So it's just an easy walk.
3:41
SPEAKER_00: So he got ready, he thought he was gonna pick up the kids, and then I got home maybe like 30 minutes before the kids got out of school, and then he was like, Oh, you're home.
3:54
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Yeah, I got it, Dad.
3:56
SPEAKER_00: So he was like, Okay, he made himself something to eat and he's like, I'm tired, I'm gonna go to sleep.
4:01
SPEAKER_00: And so he took a nap, and then after his nap, he calls me into his room and he was like, I'm I'm just tired.
4:09
SPEAKER_00: I feel really tired.
4:10
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, What do you mean?
4:12
SPEAKER_00: Like, tell me how you're feeling.
4:13
SPEAKER_00: And he's like, Well, my my left arm felt weak.
4:17
SPEAKER_00: So he he described it as like just weak, not numbing, not tingling.
4:22
SPEAKER_00: He just felt like weak but also heavy at the same time.
4:26
SPEAKER_00: So he was describing it as he could lift his hand, but he like he couldn't feel his hand being lifted up, if that makes sense.
4:34
SPEAKER_00: So you kind of know how you're feeling, right?
4:37
SPEAKER_00: And so he said, I can I'm doing it, but I can't really like feel that I'm doing it.
4:42
SPEAKER_00: And like if I touch my face, I know my hand is on my face, but I can't feel me touch my face.
4:47
SPEAKER_00: So I was like, oh, okay.
4:49
SPEAKER_00: I instinctively was like, let's go to the hospital.
4:53
SPEAKER_00: And of course, he was like, No, I'm fine.
4:56
SPEAKER_00: He was still eating, drinking, he was getting up, using the bathroom.
4:59
SPEAKER_00: So I was just thinking, maybe he has a lot of pains from like his younger days.
5:04
SPEAKER_00: So it could have just been that.
5:06
SPEAKER_00: Um, but over the course of like the next two days, I physically saw his face started drooping.
5:13
SPEAKER_00: Um, his speech was slurring a little bit.
5:15
SPEAKER_00: It wasn't like crazy, but almost like when you get drunk and you start slurring your speech, that's kind of what he sounded like.
5:22
SPEAKER_00: So from that point on, I was like, okay, I'm not playing with no games.
5:25
SPEAKER_00: We're going right now.
5:27
SPEAKER_00: And of course, he still didn't want to go.
5:29
SPEAKER_00: My dad is very like, no, no, no, I'm fine.
5:33
SPEAKER_00: Um, but I took him and it was all the signs of him having a stroke, but they didn't find any blood clots.
5:43
SPEAKER_00: So he's kind of like a mystery, it's like an anomaly.
5:48
SPEAKER_01: Well, a good thing you um you saw those signs, took him in.
5:52
SPEAKER_01: He's doing very well now.
5:54
SPEAKER_01: Uh he's uh progressing, and um yeah yeah very progressing very well, very well, um, Miss Tiffany.
6:08
SPEAKER_01: So um is it hard living with me?
6:13
SPEAKER_00: Is it hard?
6:15
SPEAKER_01: Um we're gonna get into these questions now, so yeah.
6:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
6:20
SPEAKER_00: I think it's hard to live with anybody, especially as you grow older.
6:25
SPEAKER_00: You have a very unique personality, which I'm pretty sure a lot of our our viewers.
6:32
SPEAKER_00: I'm just kidding, it's our podcast.
6:35
SPEAKER_00: No, um, I'm pretty sure a lot of the viewers and past guests, like you're just like you're cool and everything, but your personality is a lot.
6:45
SPEAKER_00: So I feel like I've come to a point in our relationship, but also in my my life where I know how to maneuver around you and your traits and characteristics.
7:03
SPEAKER_00: Um, is it hard?
7:04
SPEAKER_00: It can't be.
7:05
SPEAKER_00: You got a mouth on you.
7:07
SPEAKER_00: Um and I don't like that shit.
7:12
SPEAKER_00: It's not like it's not like you don't have a mouth either.
7:15
SPEAKER_01: I just tolerate it.
7:17
SPEAKER_00: I know.
7:17
SPEAKER_01: I'm just you're not easy to live with either.
7:19
SPEAKER_00: But the question is, is it easy to live with you?
7:23
SPEAKER_00: Um, yes and no.
7:25
SPEAKER_01: Yes and no.
7:26
SPEAKER_01: Okay, I'll take that.
7:28
SPEAKER_01: You too.
7:29
SPEAKER_01: You too.
7:30
SPEAKER_01: Um, how's it being a parent and like sharing like the duties with you know with me?
7:38
SPEAKER_00: Um I think it's really easy.
7:42
SPEAKER_00: I think we've found a really good dynamic between the both of us.
7:46
SPEAKER_00: Um, if you don't know already, Chris is like lightweight OCD.
7:52
SPEAKER_00: So he's the clean as you go type of person.
7:55
SPEAKER_00: And I like to consider myself as a like I'm a soaker.
7:59
SPEAKER_00: Like I'll get to it when I want to get to it.
8:01
SPEAKER_00: But Chris is more like, um, you eat a bowl of cereal, you can't just leave it in the sink.
8:07
SPEAKER_00: You have to clean it up right now.
8:09
SPEAKER_00: Um, versus I am like, I'm gonna eat the food, I'm gonna leave it there, put some soap and water in it, let it marinate a little bit, and then I'm gonna go chill and like digest my food.
8:21
SPEAKER_00: Um, and then I'll come back to it when I'm good and ready.
8:24
SPEAKER_00: He doesn't like that.
8:25
SPEAKER_00: So we kind of bump heads in that sense.
8:27
SPEAKER_00: But I feel like our dynamic is really good as far as parenting because we have like like a structure, or we have like we kind of already know the feel of like the house and our kids, and so we kind of just take on the roles as needed.
8:44
SPEAKER_00: Um, he's gone quite a lot, so when he's home, he definitely picks up the slack where I feel like if I'm lacking, because everything else resp falls on me as far as like household and the kids.
8:58
SPEAKER_00: So I do a lot of that, but then when he comes home and he notices that maybe I didn't clean up the living room or the kitchen, and then he goes straight into doing that.
9:07
SPEAKER_00: But he doesn't talk shit about it, he just kind of already knows, which is nice.
9:11
SPEAKER_00: And like our mornings are really cool because he doesn't always have to go in super early, so he's able to wake the kids up because I'm not a morning person, like I'm asleep all the way until I have to get up, and then I'm rushing to get out the door because I would rather lay in bed until I'm actually late.
9:32
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, then once that's happening, he's already like moving in the household and getting the kids ready, breakfast, lunches, and then I'm kind of like trickling in and then getting them ready and then doing like the get readies and stuff.
9:47
SPEAKER_01: So I be messing up too though.
9:49
SPEAKER_01: In the mornings, I'd be getting lazy sometimes.
9:53
SPEAKER_01: I have my days where I'm just like, I don't want to do this stuff, or like I'm just you know what?
9:58
SPEAKER_01: I've been busting my ass.
9:59
SPEAKER_01: I'm just gonna let her uh I'm gonna let her just take lead and do the whole thing and then just come in when I see fit.
10:08
SPEAKER_00: But that's a balance.
10:09
SPEAKER_01: Have you noticed that?
10:10
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
10:10
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
10:11
SPEAKER_01: I do that.
10:11
SPEAKER_01: But that's doing that.
10:12
SPEAKER_00: But that's a good balance that we have.
10:14
SPEAKER_00: I don't think that as long as we know, like, if he has to go in early, he still kind of does the bulk of the work, but then I take over and then I'm like, okay, you can go get ready.
10:27
SPEAKER_00: Or if he has to leave the house at a certain time, I'm just like, I got it.
10:31
SPEAKER_00: You just do what you gotta do, and I'll handle the rest of it.
10:34
SPEAKER_00: So I think we have a really good balance when it comes to that, and not having to overly communicate unless it's like, hey, I can't do X, Y, and Z because I'm doing A, B, C, and D.
10:47
SPEAKER_00: Um, so then we kind of pick up each other's slack where it needs to be.
10:51
SPEAKER_00: I think we have a really good dynamic though.
10:53
SPEAKER_01: Speaking of balance, then, who usually plays the good cop and bad cop with the kids?
11:00
SPEAKER_00: I'm the good cop.
11:02
SPEAKER_00: Uh Chris likes to say they get a they the kids take advantage and I get them, I let them get away with a lot of shit.
11:12
SPEAKER_00: Is that true?
11:13
SPEAKER_00: I'm a mom.
11:15
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm literally like, I'm just here.
11:18
SPEAKER_00: I support you.
11:20
SPEAKER_00: I will put my foot down when I need to, but it takes me an extra, extra level to get there.
11:26
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's where he sees that I just kind of let them run crazy.
11:31
SPEAKER_00: But our kids are really good, they have their moments, and I know what he's trying to do and instill discipline and structure, and I'm just kind of like, ah, it's okay.
11:43
SPEAKER_00: We can do that later.
11:44
SPEAKER_00: Oh, you don't want to clean up right now?
11:46
SPEAKER_00: That's fine with me because I don't want to clean up either, you know.
11:50
SPEAKER_00: Um, you're hungry, you want Chick-fil-A?
11:54
SPEAKER_00: Me too.
11:54
SPEAKER_00: I'm definitely that person.
11:56
SPEAKER_00: He's the opposite of me.
11:59
SPEAKER_00: He is the bad cop.
12:00
SPEAKER_00: He lays down the law, but like right away, which with kids, I get it.
12:05
SPEAKER_00: You have to like nip it in the butt right away.
12:07
SPEAKER_00: So there has to be a good cop and a bad cop.
12:11
SPEAKER_00: Chris is a bad cop though.
12:13
SPEAKER_00: Uh I can be bad cop too if I need to be.
12:17
SPEAKER_01: So do you think it's different from when we first raised the first two to these two now?
12:25
SPEAKER_00: I do.
12:26
SPEAKER_00: These two are ours together versus the two that we have are ours, but separately.
12:33
SPEAKER_00: So if you guys didn't already know, we're kind of like a blended family.
12:36
SPEAKER_00: Chris has his oldest daughter um from a past relationship, and I have my oldest son from a past relationship, and then we've come together.
12:44
SPEAKER_00: Past marriage?
12:45
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
12:46
SPEAKER_00: I was previously married.
12:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
12:48
SPEAKER_00: He likes to not let me forget about that either.
12:51
SPEAKER_00: Um we're married.
12:53
SPEAKER_00: But you know what?
12:54
SPEAKER_00: I can say I've lived.
12:56
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
12:58
SPEAKER_00: No, um, I think too.
13:00
SPEAKER_00: I think it took a while.
13:01
SPEAKER_00: Like our kids, when we got together, they were Mila was four and Aiden was two, so they're really little still.
13:06
SPEAKER_00: So we grew up with them, but I think it took some time to learn how we parent and didn't want to step on each other's toes.
13:15
SPEAKER_00: Like, I definitely didn't want to like intrude and make it seem like I'm taking over as Mila's mom because Mila's mom was really present um when we were together, and so I didn't want to take over that responsibility, or not that not responsible that role.
13:33
SPEAKER_00: There it is.
13:35
SPEAKER_00: Um, but I also didn't want to be like stepmom.
13:39
SPEAKER_00: So um it took a while to kind of find our groove, and it's still to this day we have we butt heads on certain things when it comes to our older kids, but I think we found a place where we can parent different than the ones that we have now because they're ours together.
14:00
SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
14:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
14:05
SPEAKER_01: Okay, next question.
14:06
SPEAKER_01: Uh, what were your thoughts when I went solo for this project?
14:12
SPEAKER_00: Here, let me tell y'all this.
14:14
SPEAKER_00: I encouraged him to go solo.
14:17
SPEAKER_00: He don't want to tell, he don't want to admit that, right?
14:19
SPEAKER_00: Um, he had come to me with the idea because when him and his homeboy church did the More Than in a Uniform podcast, shout out to Elijah.
14:31
SPEAKER_00: Um he had expressed that he loved doing it.
14:37
SPEAKER_00: And he found like his niche and his hobby outside of sports, because he'd always play basketball and do all these other sports activities.
14:45
SPEAKER_00: So this is something that I felt like let him have an outlet for like his personal side and not just like his masculine side, um, which I think we all need that balance.
14:57
SPEAKER_00: So I said, when he had said that Elijah was thinking about like not doing the podcast anymore, because he was only a co-host, I said, why don't you do your own?
15:08
SPEAKER_00: Did you?
15:09
SPEAKER_00: I did.
15:10
SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
15:10
SPEAKER_00: I don't remember.
15:11
SPEAKER_00: Of course, selective here.
15:13
SPEAKER_00: But I literally encouraged him to do to do his own, his own thing.
15:20
SPEAKER_00: Um I think he has the personality for it.
15:22
SPEAKER_00: He is definitely charismatic enough for it.
15:27
SPEAKER_00: Um and he makes, you know, I don't want to toot his own horn or anything, but he makes some pretty good valid points.
15:35
SPEAKER_00: And yeah.
15:37
SPEAKER_00: It's the real no, I I encouraged him.
15:40
SPEAKER_00: I was super supportive.
15:42
SPEAKER_00: I want him to be able to have his own outlet.
15:45
SPEAKER_00: Um, because he just is a happier person.
15:48
SPEAKER_00: And he's a cancer, he's a cancer man.
15:52
SPEAKER_00: So his emotions are always like back and forth, and he's always well, his emotion is one emotion.
15:58
SPEAKER_00: It's just mad, annoyed, angry.
16:00
SPEAKER_00: He doesn't like to show that he's happy, excited, crying, sad, whatever.
16:06
SPEAKER_00: Everything is just don't cry.
16:08
SPEAKER_01: It's just mad anger, yes, you know, toxic masculinity.
16:12
SPEAKER_00: He grew up in the 80s, so you know, if you know, you know.
16:17
SPEAKER_00: Um, but I think this is great, and I'm super supportive.
16:23
SPEAKER_00: No matter what he wants to do, as long as it's gonna make him happy at the end of the day and it's not gonna mess up the dynamic of our house and our morals or anything like that.
16:33
SPEAKER_00: I'm for it.
16:34
SPEAKER_00: Just do what you gotta do.
16:36
SPEAKER_01: I do appreciate you for supporting me throughout this whole journey of podcasting and I guess uh creating.
16:44
SPEAKER_01: I don't think I'm a content creator.
16:46
SPEAKER_01: I do like to make things up as I go.
16:48
SPEAKER_01: Just because it's on the like on the web doesn't make me like a content creator or influencer or whatnot.
16:54
SPEAKER_01: So I do appreciate you.
16:55
SPEAKER_01: Um did you ever um did you thought it would like this podcasting get this big?
17:04
SPEAKER_01: I'm not I'm not saying like I'm like Joe Rogan status, but like I'm gaining followers, I'm gaining like listeners like every day.
17:12
SPEAKER_01: Did you ever thought it would like get to that level?
17:17
SPEAKER_00: You know what?
17:18
SPEAKER_00: I didn't really think as far as like you blowing up or anything.
17:22
SPEAKER_00: I just more more so seen it as an outlet for you, regardless if you either had one follower or thousands of followers or subscribers or whatever the podcast thing is.
17:36
SPEAKER_00: Um, as long as you were happy and you were able to just find something that you enjoyed doing, um, I think that's really important.
17:46
SPEAKER_00: But because you've gotten a lot of popularity from it, I think it's really cool.
17:51
SPEAKER_00: I don't see that part of it, so I don't really know like that.
17:55
SPEAKER_00: And he's really, I hate to say it, but he's really humble.
17:58
SPEAKER_00: He just likes to talk shit.
18:00
SPEAKER_00: No shit.
18:02
SPEAKER_00: Except when he's at home.
18:04
SPEAKER_00: He looks so much, he likes he likes to be like celebrity and this and that, and blah, blah, blah, blah.
18:11
SPEAKER_00: And I know he's just talking shit and he's just having fun with it, but he's really humble.
18:16
SPEAKER_00: Um, so he doesn't ever bring that part into the house.
18:20
SPEAKER_00: So, like to be honest with you, he'll kind of read me the stats every now and then.
18:25
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh, that's pretty cool.
18:26
SPEAKER_00: Like, you have like listeners in the UK and what's some other, like, there was another place we're like, whoa.
18:33
SPEAKER_01: Oh, like the Ukraine, Australia.
18:36
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's that's pretty cool.
18:38
SPEAKER_00: Shout out to y'all.
18:38
SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening.
18:40
SPEAKER_00: So cool.
18:41
SPEAKER_00: Um, again, it wasn't as like you're gonna blow up, and I'm I'm seeing that.
18:48
SPEAKER_00: Like, we're kind of just in it now, and I'm just like, you know, let me give you your your flowers, like, congratulations.
18:55
SPEAKER_00: That's really cool.
18:56
SPEAKER_00: So um, if he continues to blow up great, and if he doesn't, as long as he's still enjoying what he's doing, I'm cool with it.
19:03
SPEAKER_01: How do you feel when like um certain family members or like friends uh like pop off like a subject or a topic that I'd be talking about on the pod?
19:14
SPEAKER_00: What do you mean?
19:14
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I don't know, like an example.
19:16
SPEAKER_01: Oh, there was one example where uh you got a little upset on how I proposed.
19:24
SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
19:25
SPEAKER_01: And um, I think my cousins, you're in a group chat, and I guess my cousins were like making fun or just talking about it, and you felt some type of way.
19:36
SPEAKER_00: They weren't making fun of it, but it was just, you know, we had a hee hee ha ha moment, and you know, sometimes sharing these stories, like everybody has different perspectives.
19:48
SPEAKER_00: So somebody could think of, you know, for example, that story of how he proposed.
19:52
SPEAKER_00: Um, it was very quirky, but that's his personality.
19:56
SPEAKER_00: Would have would I have liked it to be a little bit more of a grand gesture or a charade?
20:02
SPEAKER_00: Sure.
20:03
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I think every woman romanticizes how they're getting proposed to their wedding day.
20:09
SPEAKER_00: Um, and it was kind of the opposite, but looking at it now and knowing Chris, he's very sporadic and goofy, and that's just his personality.
20:20
SPEAKER_00: And I can't expect him to be something that he's not because that's setting up a false reality or a false expectation.
20:28
SPEAKER_00: Um, I think in that that moment I felt a little embarrassed because, you know, again, everybody's perception is different.
20:36
SPEAKER_00: Do I care what people think?
20:38
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I do.
20:39
SPEAKER_00: Um, I try to tell myself I don't, but sometimes it gets to me.
20:44
SPEAKER_00: Um, I just don't want to be portrayed as, you know, like she's not getting what she deserves and this and this and that.
20:52
SPEAKER_00: And I think things in that moment kind of get to you.
20:56
SPEAKER_00: Um, so I feel I felt a little embarrassed sometimes when he's so vulnerable, but he's also like a jokester, so I can't really take things like that that deep.
21:07
SPEAKER_00: But I tell him how it makes me feel.
21:11
SPEAKER_00: Um, does it make me feel better sometimes?
21:14
SPEAKER_00: Maybe not.
21:15
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you're right.
21:17
SPEAKER_01: To rebut off that.
21:19
SPEAKER_01: Um man, I could say a lot of dirt on like people, you know.
21:25
SPEAKER_01: My major flex is I'm not living with my parents.
21:28
SPEAKER_01: I got my own crib, I got a mortgage, goddamn.
21:31
SPEAKER_01: I bought you a couple whips, and for like people to like say they're two cents, I mean, you really gotta look in the mirror and like before you comment on anything, see where you're at before you judge someone.
21:47
SPEAKER_01: Because last time I checked, you are still doing the same thing that you were doing five, ten, fifteen years ago, opposed to Me and Tiff, we are not living in Cali anymore.
22:06
SPEAKER_01: We are definitely in a different zip code.
22:10
SPEAKER_01: We got our own, you know, we got our own spot.
22:13
SPEAKER_01: We're in a we're in Hawaii, hot damn.
22:15
SPEAKER_01: You feel me?
22:16
SPEAKER_01: So before people like start saying stuff, I mean I could definitely bust dirt and put no names, but I'm not gonna do that.
22:25
SPEAKER_01: No, fuck that.
22:26
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna do that right now.
22:26
SPEAKER_01: No, no, no.
22:28
SPEAKER_01: I'm playing, I'm playing.
22:30
SPEAKER_00: Doing the same thing from like 15 years ago, that's okay.
22:33
SPEAKER_01: I thought it was when you got mad of that.
22:35
SPEAKER_01: I was like, what?
22:36
SPEAKER_01: Like, why why would that upset you?
22:39
SPEAKER_01: I took a look back and I could see, yeah, I could see why it got her upset.
22:43
SPEAKER_01: But then the other side of me, this you know, the the man side was like, hey man, but you got she got so much out of it to where why is that one single event like pissing her off for like the n for like the week?
22:57
SPEAKER_01: You feel me?
22:58
SPEAKER_01: I was like that week, I was like, oh, okay.
23:00
SPEAKER_01: Uh as a man going through that, we didn't talk as much.
23:05
SPEAKER_01: I still did like the home things and everything.
23:07
SPEAKER_01: The communication was like, it was there, but not there.
23:10
SPEAKER_00: It was minimal.
23:11
SPEAKER_01: It was minimal, but I knew my role, like the house still had to function.
23:16
SPEAKER_01: And I think that's like the good dynamic that we have.
23:19
SPEAKER_01: Even though we're like, we're mad at each other, life still goes on, bills still need to be paid, kids still need to get dressed and fed and you know, go to school.
23:29
SPEAKER_01: Even though we're not like talking or seeing eye to eye, at least we know that we still have to um yeah, we handle things.
23:38
SPEAKER_01: We still have to be responsible.
23:40
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I like I like that.
23:41
SPEAKER_01: I know, I know you do.
23:43
SPEAKER_00: I think that's really good where you don't let like even though we're upset with each other or mad or in an argument, we don't let that stop us from like getting things done.
23:52
SPEAKER_00: I think that's really important.
23:53
SPEAKER_01: I know, I know.
23:55
SPEAKER_01: Um what's a what's a parenting moment that you're not proud of?
23:59
SPEAKER_00: There's many.
24:01
SPEAKER_00: Um what's one?
24:02
SPEAKER_01: What's one that sticks out?
24:05
SPEAKER_00: I have a really bad temper.
24:07
SPEAKER_00: Um, so I don't want to say like one, but I will say I said one.
24:17
SPEAKER_00: I will say that my temper, like I get really hot-headed but really fast sometimes, especially if I'm overstimulated.
24:25
SPEAKER_00: So I end up like getting really like short and yelling, and I'm not proud of that.
24:32
SPEAKER_00: And so with our older kids, I never learned how to apologize until maybe our younger kids, and I don't know what it is if it's age or or just living through everything.
24:51
SPEAKER_00: I just I just know that apology after like blowing up is really important.
25:02
SPEAKER_00: So I wish when the kids were younger and I would blow up, our older kids were younger and I would blow up, I wish I would have apologized and like explained to them why I did it and that they didn't deserve to get that part of me.
25:19
SPEAKER_00: Versus my younger kids, I've learned that I can apologize and even though it doesn't make it okay, but I can explain to them why or how it led up to that.
25:31
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I'm gonna just say say that.
25:35
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
25:38
SPEAKER_01: Um have you ever questioned whether you're doing a good job?
25:42
SPEAKER_00: All the time.
25:44
SPEAKER_01: Me too, to a certain extent.
25:46
SPEAKER_01: I think um what stops me from going to I guess to the deep end if I'm thinking if I'm doing a good job or not, yeah, is uh like the little wins that they the kids have.
26:01
SPEAKER_01: I think that's what stops me from like, damn, I'm really a bad parent or I'm not doing anything.
26:06
SPEAKER_00: Like when they come up to you and say I love you and give you a hug.
26:08
SPEAKER_00: Is that a big thing?
26:09
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's it's that, and then it's um it's when they do things on their own.
26:16
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
26:16
SPEAKER_01: And it's when like when they when I see them like enjoying themselves, like doing certain activities.
26:24
SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
26:25
SPEAKER_01: That's like, okay, I'm I'm doing a good job.
26:27
SPEAKER_01: Like they're smiling, they're laughing.
26:29
SPEAKER_01: Of course, like the whole, like, they're fed, they're showered.
26:33
SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's good and everything, but when they're like happy, yeah, that's when that stops me from like I have a limit.
26:40
SPEAKER_01: It stops me from going past that limit.
26:42
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, I I seriously.
26:44
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
26:44
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because I think when like my with Mila, when I was a single parent with Mila, I was always going overboard, like, oh, what I I gotta do this.
26:54
SPEAKER_01: I'm not um because we weren't, I wasn't stable as I am now.
26:57
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
26:58
SPEAKER_01: Until um, until I finally landed a job back home in the A31 because I was moving from place to place.
27:06
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
27:07
SPEAKER_01: So that's when I was like, okay, I think I'm good now.
27:09
SPEAKER_01: Like I don't think I didn't go to that deep end since like, oh man, like years ago.
27:17
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
27:17
SPEAKER_01: How about you?
27:18
SPEAKER_01: You cause you say all the time.
27:21
SPEAKER_00: Well, I I think because I don't know if dads feel the same, but moms, we get mom guilt.
27:29
SPEAKER_00: Um, so uh when I'm on my own at night, like I'm winding down, I kind of go through the day and I go through like all of our, you know, like interactions we have with the kids.
27:42
SPEAKER_00: And I always think like, oh, I feel bad because I was, you know, I cut them off and I didn't want to hear about their story because they're like, you know, the next day, and so I'm like, okay, what tell me the story.
27:54
SPEAKER_00: So I'll think about things like that, and they're really insignificant, but you know, to a kid, I feel like they're dissecting everything that we do, and then they're like, oh, well, I'm not gonna tell the story because you know, mom was like, I don't want to hear it.
28:09
SPEAKER_00: Tell me, tell me the main part or whatever the case may be.
28:12
SPEAKER_00: Um, just like little things like that, and then that guilt kind of builds up to something bigger.
28:18
SPEAKER_00: And like what you said, the little wins.
28:21
SPEAKER_00: So when they want to come cuddle with me or they want to like give me a kiss and I love you, mom, you're the best mom.
28:28
SPEAKER_00: That kind of sets me back to a place of like reset, and I feel better.
28:33
SPEAKER_00: Um, I feel like we can always do better though, and I just strive to be better every day.
28:42
SPEAKER_00: Um that's my goal.
28:44
SPEAKER_00: But yeah, I always question if I'm doing the right thing, right?
28:48
SPEAKER_00: Is that the question?
28:49
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
28:50
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
28:51
SPEAKER_01: I question that all the time.
28:52
SPEAKER_00: All the time.
28:52
SPEAKER_00: Every time you do something, I'm like, I think because we just want to do right by our children, because they love us so much and we love them so much.
29:01
SPEAKER_00: So I think that's natural.
29:03
SPEAKER_00: But I think you have to really like, like what Chris said, if they're happy and they have food, they have a place to sleep, things like that, then you're already doing a good job.
29:15
SPEAKER_01: That's what I grew up on.
29:16
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
29:17
SPEAKER_01: Because my dad wasn't around a lot because he was like working two, three jobs.
29:21
SPEAKER_01: And uh, like granted, when I played sports or I I had performances, he wasn't there.
29:26
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
29:27
SPEAKER_01: But being like older now with job with the k with the kids, I understand why he wasn't there.
29:35
SPEAKER_01: So therefore, it's like if I understood, if I could understand that, the babies would understand, like the kids would understand that as well as they get older, saying, Oh man, they weren't just partying or whatever, they were actually at work.
29:51
SPEAKER_01: So I can be at these performances, so I can like be playing sports, you know, like shoes ain't cheap, uniforms ain't cheap.
30:00
SPEAKER_01: You know what I'm saying?
30:00
SPEAKER_01: So it's like, yeah, so that it's it's those little things that like that get me now.
30:06
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
30:06
SPEAKER_01: Remembering what, you know, like what my dad went through to get me where I'm at.
30:10
SPEAKER_01: I'm just like, oh snap, now I understand why you weren't there.
30:14
SPEAKER_01: So I think, yeah, that's uh it.
30:17
SPEAKER_01: Um, next question.
30:18
SPEAKER_01: Uh do you feel like your voice holds equal weight in our decisions?
30:25
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
30:27
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I see.
30:27
SPEAKER_01: I think so too.
30:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
30:28
SPEAKER_01: I I'd be like, God damn it.
30:32
SPEAKER_01: Because I used to be like me, me, me, like my shit goes.
30:35
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
30:36
SPEAKER_01: My words goes.
30:37
SPEAKER_01: But it's because it's like I was alone.
30:40
SPEAKER_01: So it's like, I ain't gonna let no fucking two-year-old tell me what I'm gonna fucking do, you know?
30:45
SPEAKER_01: No, I'm not gonna let no three-year-old dictate if I'm gonna make the dis good decision or not.
30:50
SPEAKER_01: No, I'm just gonna do it, fall, and fucking falter.
30:52
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but yeah, do you think your the decisions that we make through our marriage, do you think your voice is heard?
31:00
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
31:00
SPEAKER_00: I think um, like our most recent discussion um about we have, you know, our 19-year-old still lives with us.
31:09
SPEAKER_00: Um, this is a great topic.
31:10
SPEAKER_00: Um great topic for you with the host now.
31:15
SPEAKER_00: Um, no, our 19-year-old still lives with us.
31:18
SPEAKER_00: You know, he's a lot different than our oldest, Mila, who's 21, who's a full-time student.
31:25
SPEAKER_00: She works full-time.
31:26
SPEAKER_00: Like, she has a really good head on her shoulders.
31:29
SPEAKER_00: Um, but I also think like that's a girl thing too.
31:32
SPEAKER_00: So shout out to the women because we we just doing it, you know.
31:37
SPEAKER_00: Um shout out to the men that's doing it too.
31:39
SPEAKER_00: I'm just getting it.
31:40
SPEAKER_01: God damn, she would be going to school with without shoes.
31:44
SPEAKER_00: No, I'm not sure.
31:45
SPEAKER_00: Without that FAFSA.
31:46
SPEAKER_00: Aiden, who's 19, he's still kind of figuring things out.
31:50
SPEAKER_00: I really think, you know, just he's enjoying not having to go to school, not having to wake up.
31:56
SPEAKER_00: Like, I get it.
31:57
SPEAKER_00: Um, but recently, you know, Chris gave him a year after he got out of high school to figure out what he wanted to do and if he wanted to go back to school, if he wanted to just work.
32:10
SPEAKER_00: So he decided he just wanted to work for the time being.
32:12
SPEAKER_00: But that's cool, whatever, we're supportive.
32:15
SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, but Chris wanted to instill some type of responsibility for the real world, which I can tell I can respect.
32:22
SPEAKER_00: Like it's hard out there.
32:24
SPEAKER_00: Um, so he has come and made like a detailed like spreadsheet of rent for our 19-year-old.
32:35
SPEAKER_00: Um, some of you may not agree.
32:38
SPEAKER_00: That's cool.
32:40
SPEAKER_00: A lot of y'all don't agree.
32:41
SPEAKER_00: I don't agree, but I Chris comes and asks me my opinion.
32:48
SPEAKER_00: I already know myself to be really emotional when it comes to my children, no matter the age.
32:54
SPEAKER_00: Um, so I just tell him, like, I trust you because he's never steered any of us wrong.
33:01
SPEAKER_00: Like he's our protector, our provider.
33:05
SPEAKER_00: So I just kind of like I I know when I feel like I can like voice my opinion.
33:13
SPEAKER_00: Like I told him what I feel about it.
33:15
SPEAKER_00: I told him it may not be the right like outlook for this type of situation.
33:22
SPEAKER_00: Um, so I said, I'm gonna go ahead and back out of this conversation because I don't want to get into a fight.
33:28
SPEAKER_00: But I also want you to take into consideration of my feelings and how I feel about it, which he's really good about doing.
33:36
SPEAKER_00: Um, but I told him, like, go ahead and like I'm gonna let you take lead on this.
33:40
SPEAKER_00: You do what you gotta do.
33:42
SPEAKER_00: I'm here as a support for both, you know, our son and you.
33:48
SPEAKER_00: But he comes to me with, you know, like, hey, I wanna run this by you.
33:51
SPEAKER_00: What do you think?
33:52
SPEAKER_00: I'm asking for your opinion.
33:54
SPEAKER_00: Um, so I think that's really important.
33:56
SPEAKER_00: I think that's really great communication.
33:58
SPEAKER_00: Um, I think he always tells me, I I hear you, I know how you feel, and I'm gonna take it into consideration.
34:06
SPEAKER_00: Um, so that's all I need to know that I'm being validated, and I think it shows because he can probably do a lot more thinking that I don't care, but because I do care, he kind of takes that into consideration.
34:22
SPEAKER_00: Don't you agree?
34:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, I I I agree.
34:28
SPEAKER_01: Oh man.
34:29
SPEAKER_01: No, okay, so okay, this topic of uh having your kid pay rent um or kids pay rent after high school.
34:39
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so um I think I said this on the pod.
34:44
SPEAKER_01: I was out by 17.
34:46
SPEAKER_01: Um and uh I was uh I was an adult at 17.
34:52
SPEAKER_01: Like I had to do everything, like I had to work, pay like rent, I had a roommate.
34:57
SPEAKER_01: I didn't even have a car.
34:58
SPEAKER_01: I took the bus all the time.
35:00
SPEAKER_01: So to bring this up to my spouse, um uh it it it took her it took her a while like to agree with me on how I wanted to handle things because my oldest one, she went straight to school.
35:17
SPEAKER_01: She was in California, so I had no um I had no power.
35:22
SPEAKER_01: Well, not no power, but no uh, I don't know what to say, but I just I just wasn't there because she was going to school in California opposed to to the boy.
35:33
SPEAKER_01: He's here.
35:34
SPEAKER_01: Therefore, like I could probably I could kind of like dictate on how, you know, what path he could be taking, right?
35:40
SPEAKER_01: So um he got out, I gave him a year just to chill, because of course, like you're a kid, just got out of school, you gotta figure things out.
35:48
SPEAKER_01: He got out, I gave him a year.
35:50
SPEAKER_01: I had to ask him, I was like, yo, what's the move?
35:53
SPEAKER_01: He said he didn't want to go to school.
35:55
SPEAKER_01: Hell, I respected that because I didn't want to go to school.
35:58
SPEAKER_01: But I remember like in a previous conversation while he was in high school, he did say he didn't want to go to school, he wanted to pursue music, this and the third.
36:06
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, dude, I'll support you 100%.
36:09
SPEAKER_01: Year later happens, that's not happening.
36:13
SPEAKER_01: So I like I had to put I had to put my foot down a little bit more because he's not doing what he said he wanted to do.
36:24
SPEAKER_01: So this year happens and he says he wants to get a job.
36:28
SPEAKER_01: Cool, I'm cool with the job.
36:30
SPEAKER_01: Ask him what else he wants to do.
36:32
SPEAKER_01: He wanted to, of course, make money over the internet.
36:36
SPEAKER_01: Make money, like learn some trades, take some classes or whatnot, and try to make money off that.
36:44
SPEAKER_01: Cool, whatever he wants to do, right?
36:47
SPEAKER_01: During this time, he's not paying rent.
36:50
SPEAKER_01: I gave him like some things to do in the house, right?
36:54
SPEAKER_01: Little easy uh a 14, like a 10 to 17-year-old can do with a little bit of guidance.
37:02
SPEAKER_01: He wasn't doing it, therefore, that's what made me like, alright, skip this.
37:07
SPEAKER_01: If he ain't doing this, he's gonna like contribute somehow, somehow, because he's still living under the roof, right?
37:15
SPEAKER_01: So when that happened, I gave him another year seeing what's you know, like his status update.
37:22
SPEAKER_01: Nothing happened.
37:23
SPEAKER_01: So I'm giving like I'm giving him chances to where I was like, alright, I'm giving you a timeline, I need a resume because I don't want you to be working in a McDonald's forever.
37:33
SPEAKER_01: I don't want you to be working at these winky dink spots.
37:37
SPEAKER_01: Because you have a resume, at least I know where your skills are and I could like you know help you improve and like tinker with them, right?
37:45
SPEAKER_01: So I told him to get a resume.
37:47
SPEAKER_01: I told him to try to get his driver's license.
37:50
SPEAKER_01: Um I haven't had an update with him yet.
37:53
SPEAKER_01: Hopefully he's doing it.
37:55
SPEAKER_01: But as an adult, I'm giving I'm giving him the opportunity to to do it himself instead of have someone push him to do it.
38:03
SPEAKER_01: Because in the real world, ain't nobody gonna wait, tell you every day, hey, you gotta be here at 8:30, you gotta be here at 8, lunch is at 11, you gotta do this.
38:11
SPEAKER_01: No way.
38:12
SPEAKER_01: So therefore, that's why as a parent and and the man parent, I have to take a step back and like have him figure it out.
38:21
SPEAKER_01: There's there's there's times where he hasn't been figuring it out to where I'm like, yo, what the you know, what the frick?
38:30
SPEAKER_01: So that's when I had to step in.
38:32
SPEAKER_01: And so when the whole rent thing came in, um it was because I want he had he had the ambition of um he wanted to move in with his friends, right?
38:44
SPEAKER_01: In the real world, when you move in with your friends without the parents' help, you're like you're you're shit in the water, yeah?
38:51
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
38:52
SPEAKER_01: So to help him out, to help him realize what he's gonna be going through, that's when I instilled the rent, the food.
39:02
SPEAKER_01: He's not paying for his phone bill, which in the real world you are paying for a phone bill, right?
39:08
SPEAKER_01: You will you have insurance.
39:11
SPEAKER_01: He's he's still under our insurance.
39:15
SPEAKER_01: He's um he's not paying for electrical or wifi or you know, the internet over here, like all those things come to account, and uh that's why I'm like throwing in these things.
39:29
SPEAKER_01: His rent is not obnoxiously up there, you know?
39:33
SPEAKER_01: It's to to live in Hawaii single with roommates, you need like at least 15 to 16.
39:41
SPEAKER_01: At least, you know, depending on how many roommates you have.
39:44
SPEAKER_01: Let's say you just have one roommate, definitely like 15 to 16.
39:48
SPEAKER_01: I did the numbers, and if you have like, let's say four people, yeah, you could cut it down to like 1200, 1100.
39:55
SPEAKER_01: However, as a kid his age, you're gonna splurge.
40:00
SPEAKER_01: You want to spend a little bit more.
40:03
SPEAKER_01: That's true.
40:03
SPEAKER_01: I also taught him what if a roommate loses his job, then you have to fulfill that need, you know?
40:12
SPEAKER_01: So there was times where I bumped up his rent because it was just a lesson of all right, your roommate got fired, rent's due, what are you gonna do?
40:23
SPEAKER_01: So those are like my little curveballs on, I mean, it sucks, and I know it it sucks for Tiff for me to do it, but it's something that I just I have to do in order for him to be successful in, you know, like in this world.
40:39
SPEAKER_01: Because let's let's be real, you're not gonna be, you're not gonna be living with your parents forever.
40:45
SPEAKER_01: You know, and if you are, like kudos to y'all for doing that.
40:48
SPEAKER_01: You're helping out with mortgage, this and the third, you're gonna be taking over the house and shit.
40:53
SPEAKER_01: But there's certain skills and certain responsibilities that a person needs in order to take over that that role, you know?
41:03
SPEAKER_01: So that's what I'm trying to instill in this 19-year-old right now.
41:09
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's hard.
41:11
SPEAKER_00: Like I said, I think that's a perfect example of though, like why, you know, kids need a dad figure, and that role is really important, versus for me, I'm more focused on emotional health, and like I just want them to be happy.
41:31
SPEAKER_00: Um, yes, they need real world skills, and um, I don't think I'm that person to do it, so that's why I was like, you you can take the lead and take over for that because I just know myself, like I'm just very like emotional and I'm logical.
41:51
SPEAKER_00: And he's logical, like I'm logical.
41:52
SPEAKER_00: Like, don't if I have to be, I don't want to be.
41:55
SPEAKER_00: Uh, because like it when we're together, I literally turn my brain off and I'm just like it's just that, like, I'm that pisses me off so much.
42:05
SPEAKER_00: I'm in my soft girl era.
42:08
SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm very much baby princess, like he does all of the hard things, and um, I don't have to do that anymore, um, which I'm very, very grateful.
42:20
SPEAKER_00: But when it comes to those hard things, like I just see it as like that's my baby.
42:25
SPEAKER_00: And I know that's not a good thing, but I can't help it.
42:28
SPEAKER_00: I'm just I'm I'm a mom.
42:30
SPEAKER_00: I just want my babies to be happy, and if they have to stay with me for the rest of their life to be happy, then that's fine too.
42:37
SPEAKER_01: Fuck no.
42:38
SPEAKER_01: I missed it.
42:39
SPEAKER_01: I already told Tiff that hey, they were 18, they're out.
42:45
SPEAKER_01: Unless, unless, you know, like, you know, I I have a heart too, you know, like our 19-year-old, he's not out yet.
42:53
SPEAKER_01: You know what I'm saying?
42:54
SPEAKER_01: He's still there.
42:55
SPEAKER_01: But it's like it's one of those things where if I if I could see it, like if I see the potential, you know, I mean, please stay.
43:02
SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm I'm all about helping.
43:03
SPEAKER_01: Like, um, like if you're going to school, definitely fucking stay, you know?
43:09
SPEAKER_01: Like, you won't even have to pay rent.
43:10
SPEAKER_01: But I do expect you to like, hey man, walk the dog.
43:14
SPEAKER_01: Can you feed your brother and sister?
43:15
SPEAKER_01: Can you help out with the bathroom?
43:17
SPEAKER_01: Like, can you like you're in the bathroom a lot?
43:20
SPEAKER_01: I'm fucking, I'm done cleaning your shit.
43:22
SPEAKER_01: Can you help fucking clean the shit?
43:23
SPEAKER_01: Literally, you know, like, no, like for real.
43:26
SPEAKER_01: Like, that's that's the stuff that gets me over the edge.
43:28
SPEAKER_01: But then it's like, if I see you like progressing, I'm gonna back the fuck off.
43:34
SPEAKER_01: But I was taught that like if you put you know the foot on the throat, it's like something's gonna something's gonna like click towards like, oh shit, I gotta fucking, I gotta get straight.
43:46
SPEAKER_01: So that's where I'm at.
43:47
SPEAKER_00: I have to remind Chris too.
43:48
SPEAKER_00: Like, we were all that age once.
43:50
SPEAKER_00: We weren't like mentally like thinking like that.
43:54
SPEAKER_00: So I appreciate where he's coming from, but also too, like it's our job.
44:00
SPEAKER_00: To let kids be kids and like young adults be young adults and experience life.
44:05
SPEAKER_00: Um, I mean, I had I had Aiden when I was seventeen.
44:09
SPEAKER_00: I didn't get to experience that that part of my life.
44:13
SPEAKER_00: Um so I want him just to go have fun.
44:16
SPEAKER_00: Like our oldest daughter who's on the mainland, she's like road tripping, she's having fun, this and this and that.
44:22
SPEAKER_00: And yes, she's still handing handling her responsibilities.
44:26
SPEAKER_00: And I love that for her.
44:27
SPEAKER_00: I also want the same for all the kids too.
44:30
SPEAKER_00: So um, yeah, that's that's what that's what.
44:36
SPEAKER_01: That's it.
44:37
SPEAKER_01: Oh god.
44:39
SPEAKER_01: Um, did you ever think about my uh oh what's the most challenging thing about being married to me?
44:46
SPEAKER_00: His mouth?
44:47
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's true.
44:48
SPEAKER_01: I do have a I do have a mouth on me.
44:50
SPEAKER_00: That's like the mouth.
44:51
SPEAKER_01: But the mouth do baby talk shit.
44:54
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I talk a lot of questions.
44:55
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he talks a lot of shit.
44:57
SPEAKER_00: Um, I still struggle with it to today, till this day.
45:02
SPEAKER_00: He talks a lot of shit under his breath.
45:05
SPEAKER_00: And I'd be like, what was that?
45:06
SPEAKER_00: What'd you say?
45:07
SPEAKER_00: Say that shit again.
45:08
SPEAKER_00: Say it with your chest.
45:09
SPEAKER_00: Um I'll be doing it.
45:11
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he'd says, but that's where we start a lot of our like fights.
45:16
SPEAKER_00: And like I said, he's a cancer man, so his emotional like whiplashes really beat the fuck out of me, basically.
45:27
SPEAKER_00: Um because again, like his expression of emotions just anger or annoyance.
45:34
SPEAKER_00: So I constantly am always like, what's wrong with you?
45:37
SPEAKER_00: Why is your why why is your face like that?
45:39
SPEAKER_00: Or he's like, you know, like I can hear, and that fucking triggers the shit out of me.
45:44
SPEAKER_00: And so, like, there's always something where I'm like, Well, what's wrong?
45:48
SPEAKER_00: You know, like he could just be like in his mood, but I think it has something to do with me or the kids or something.
45:54
SPEAKER_00: So I don't like that feeling of uneasy, and I'm just like, what's wrong?
45:59
SPEAKER_00: Tell me what do I need to do to like not necessarily fix it, but just tell me so we can fix it together.
46:06
SPEAKER_00: Um, that's probably like the most challenging part to live with him.
46:09
SPEAKER_00: It's just like his his mood swings and his his fucking like his just talks a lot of shit.
46:16
SPEAKER_00: I do talk because goddamn.
46:18
SPEAKER_01: I do talk a lot.
46:19
SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna air you out, but I should air.
46:22
SPEAKER_01: No, I'm not gonna do it.
46:23
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's me.
46:23
SPEAKER_01: I talk I do talk a lot of crap.
46:25
SPEAKER_01: Um, I think it's a clothing mechanism.
46:29
SPEAKER_01: From what my therapist says, yeah, it's a defense mechanism because it's one of those I don't want you to have the last word, therefore, me by me talking shit, I got the last word.
46:40
SPEAKER_01: I'm also bipolar too.
46:41
SPEAKER_01: She makes fun of my bulb, my my bipolarism.
46:44
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
46:45
SPEAKER_01: That's okay.
46:46
SPEAKER_01: I'll get it back.
46:46
SPEAKER_00: No, he's like diagnosed as ADHD uh bipolar.
46:51
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
46:52
SPEAKER_00: I didn't know that's PTSD.
46:54
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, you can imagine just like him going through his moods, and you know, sometimes he probably doesn't even know he was go he's going through a mood, but I can like feel it.
47:04
SPEAKER_00: You know, energy is like real strong, so his energy always shifts.
47:09
SPEAKER_00: So sometimes I'm like, are you good?
47:11
SPEAKER_00: Are you not good?
47:11
SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's true.
47:13
SPEAKER_00: Should I like intervene?
47:14
SPEAKER_00: Like, what should I do?
47:16
SPEAKER_00: Um, and like I'm either black or white, you either tell me what's wrong or there's nothing wrong.
47:20
SPEAKER_00: I like this in-between shit, like I can't deal with that because I get anxiety.
47:25
SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna error out.
47:27
SPEAKER_01: So this morning, we um I don't even want to say if it's an argument, but I did uh I did a blurt.
47:34
SPEAKER_01: No, was it a blurt?
47:36
SPEAKER_01: What I forgot what we're talking about.
47:38
SPEAKER_01: Um was it uh Oh, just go then.
47:42
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so this morning.
47:43
SPEAKER_01: This morning, I said I said a comment saying, damn man, I wish someone took care of me.
47:47
SPEAKER_01: And she was like, Oh, I do take care of you.
47:49
SPEAKER_01: I was like, nah, man, but you know, like I want my brain, I want to turn off my brain.
47:53
SPEAKER_01: I don't want to work, I want someone to like pay the bill.
47:56
SPEAKER_01: Like basically it's just I'm gonna do it anyway, but it was just me just just saying, man, can I be the girl?
48:04
SPEAKER_01: You know?
48:05
SPEAKER_00: And then I took that personally.
48:07
SPEAKER_01: She took yeah, she took it personal.
48:08
SPEAKER_00: Wait, well, wait.
48:09
SPEAKER_00: I took it personally because in my mind, when he says stuff like that, I'm like, so you just don't want to be like, you don't want to live with us anymore?
48:15
SPEAKER_00: Like, we're that much of a burden.
48:17
SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's what's what I felt like, and I'm just like, just fucking go then.
48:20
SPEAKER_00: So that's true.
48:21
SPEAKER_01: So that right there triggered the fuck out of me, right?
48:24
SPEAKER_01: It triggered me to the point where I'm just like, if I would if you thought that of me, I would have been gone like the first day, but I'm still here, I'm still working, like I haven't left, and it's been like X amount of years now.
48:38
SPEAKER_01: So and I told her straight off, I was like, yo, before you, before you even go further, yo, check what you're gonna say because just check yourself.
48:46
SPEAKER_01: And then did that stop it, or was it just or no, it did it didn't stop it, but it um I guess five minutes later it mellowed out.
48:57
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
48:58
SPEAKER_01: Because I think you didn't you didn't want to go forward with it.
49:02
SPEAKER_01: Cause I because she knows that I'll keep on going.
49:04
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
49:04
SPEAKER_00: Cause I I mean, I I knew what he was saying, like what you know, basically what that what does that mean?
49:09
SPEAKER_00: What is your favorite childhood memory?
49:11
SPEAKER_00: Me not having anything to do with bills.
49:13
SPEAKER_00: Like, I get it, like what he was saying, but in that moment, I'm just like, damn, you don't fucking love us, you don't want to be with us, just fucking go then.
49:20
SPEAKER_00: Um, so I already knew that was.
49:22
SPEAKER_01: She took it that way, but I took it as, damn man, I kind of need a break or something, you know.
49:27
SPEAKER_01: That was like that's like me venting, like, yeah, man.
49:30
SPEAKER_01: I'm working a lot or something.
49:32
SPEAKER_00: It's because you said, like, damn, I can't even vent to you, and then that made me like, oh.
49:36
SPEAKER_00: Oh, you know, he was like, I can't even like, I don't want him to ever feel like you can't come to me with how you're feeling and like it's a safe space.
49:46
SPEAKER_00: So I was like, let me just shut the fuck up.
49:49
SPEAKER_01: I didn't even try.
49:51
SPEAKER_01: That's what made me-I didn't I didn't know that that that made you be quiet.
49:54
SPEAKER_01: I was like, damn, no, I can't have an event.
49:56
SPEAKER_00: Okay, I can't even fucking shut me the fuck up.
49:59
SPEAKER_00: So you know, like you have to just catch yourself and then like I'm like, oh shit.
50:04
SPEAKER_01: Okay, yeah, he just needed a vent if you don't have a handshake with your with your girlfriend, hey, you you losing it.
50:21
SPEAKER_01: A lot of people was asking me about ebobs.
50:24
SPEAKER_01: Oh our our our little pet name.
50:26
SPEAKER_00: Um take off the S.
50:28
SPEAKER_01: How did I let you explain it?
50:31
SPEAKER_01: How did Ebobs happen?
50:33
SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna go back to Chris is a very unique type of person.
50:37
SPEAKER_01: Um not retarded, alright?
50:39
SPEAKER_00: No, unique, just very like out of the box.
50:42
SPEAKER_00: He wants everything to be original, which I can appreciate.
50:45
SPEAKER_00: Um, I think that's one of the things that draws me to you, is just he's not the same as every other dude.
50:52
SPEAKER_00: I know everyone's unique, but he's just very unique.
50:55
SPEAKER_01: I'm not retarded, I'm not special needed.
50:59
SPEAKER_00: I can't say that word.
51:00
SPEAKER_01: I can say whatever the fuck I want.
51:02
SPEAKER_01: You know what?
51:03
SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, okay.
51:04
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
51:04
SPEAKER_00: So, anyways, um, from the jump, as soon as I met him, he just is very, just very different.
51:13
SPEAKER_00: Um, again, I love that about him.
51:15
SPEAKER_00: It's one of my favorite um characteristics about his personality.
51:21
SPEAKER_00: Um, so he doesn't like pet names, he doesn't like babe, he doesn't like honey, sweetheart.
51:27
SPEAKER_00: He does say those things, but it's very like jokingly.
51:30
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm super Josh in it.
51:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he's not ever serious about that.
51:34
SPEAKER_00: So when we first got together and it was like a label, we're boyfriend, girlfriend, you know, like I think just naturally it comes out like, oh babe, baby.
51:47
SPEAKER_00: But there is this one couple that we were friends with, and all they would say was, baby, baby, but which is great, like that's your guys' thing, right?
51:59
SPEAKER_00: But it annoyed the fuck out of him.
52:01
SPEAKER_00: And he was like, I'm never gonna fucking call you baby this and this and that.
52:04
SPEAKER_00: He's like, you know what?
52:05
SPEAKER_00: But I am gonna call you ebobs, and I was like, What's that?
52:09
SPEAKER_00: And like, um, he goes, It's babe backwards, but we added the S because Ebobs.
52:15
SPEAKER_00: But if you take off the S, it's Babe B-A-B-E, Ebobs backwards.
52:21
SPEAKER_00: Um, but the A is a long A, so Ebobs, not Ebabs.
52:26
SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah, so that's why we call each other ebobs.
52:29
SPEAKER_00: And it's so funny because everybody's like, What is Ebobs?
52:32
SPEAKER_00: The fuck is e-bobs?
52:33
SPEAKER_00: And so when you break it down and they're like, Oh, oh, okay, yeah, yeah.
52:36
SPEAKER_00: That's very, that's different.
52:38
SPEAKER_00: So that's how Ebobs happen.
52:40
SPEAKER_01: That's how, yeah, that's how it happened.
52:42
SPEAKER_01: I hated that.
52:43
SPEAKER_01: Babe, sweetheart.
52:45
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I say it just to mess around.
52:48
SPEAKER_01: Um, there were a couple times where I caught Tim slipping and calling me baby.
52:54
SPEAKER_00: The other night I did, I'm gonna say baby.
52:56
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, oh, you don't know.
52:58
SPEAKER_01: It's like I'm triggered.
53:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he gave me like a side eye.
53:03
SPEAKER_00: He's like, what the fuck?
53:05
SPEAKER_01: It's like you you know, someone's cheating when uh you go to someone else's place and you instantly connect it to Wi-Fi.
53:11
SPEAKER_00: I'm dead.
53:12
SPEAKER_01: That's the uh that's what I got.
53:14
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
53:15
SPEAKER_01: Um uh someone wants to know, am I as smooth at home as I am on the pod?
53:22
SPEAKER_00: He's so fucking corny at home.
53:26
SPEAKER_00: I love it though.
53:29
SPEAKER_00: He's like a nerd at home.
53:31
SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah, I'm playing video games at home.
53:34
SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
53:34
SPEAKER_01: Um, I just know how to jab.
53:36
SPEAKER_01: And I think it's because you turn it off and on.
53:39
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, all the time.
53:40
SPEAKER_00: When he needs to be, but I think he's so different at home than what you what people see him like in the real world.
53:48
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
53:48
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I really think he wasn't always like that.
53:52
SPEAKER_00: Um, I think he's come to a point.
53:55
SPEAKER_00: Like we've been together since what?
53:58
SPEAKER_00: On and off, since 09, but we got married in 14.
54:01
SPEAKER_00: So no, 13.
54:04
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
54:08
SPEAKER_00: We got married in 2013.
54:10
SPEAKER_00: Shut up.
54:10
SPEAKER_00: I guess someone 18.
54:12
SPEAKER_00: We got married in 2013.
54:14
SPEAKER_00: Um, so he's already like, you know, like it's been a while.
54:18
SPEAKER_00: We've we're gonna be married for a minute.
54:21
SPEAKER_00: Um, but I think his personality has definitely like he's a little bit more vulnerable at home.
54:28
SPEAKER_00: Um, so he's really goofy.
54:31
SPEAKER_00: Um, he's still be talking a lot of shit, but that's just him.
54:36
SPEAKER_00: Is he as smooth?
54:38
SPEAKER_00: Nah, he's just corny.
54:40
SPEAKER_01: I'm definitely corny.
54:42
SPEAKER_01: I'm corny.
54:42
SPEAKER_00: It's funny though, because I like it.
54:45
SPEAKER_00: I like it.
54:46
SPEAKER_00: Like he puts on a different facade in front of like people, um, which is still him.
54:51
SPEAKER_00: It's just a different side of him.
54:52
SPEAKER_00: Remember, he's bipolar, like Patricia's at home right now.
54:58
SPEAKER_00: If you know, you know.
54:59
SPEAKER_00: What is that movie?
55:00
SPEAKER_00: Split.
55:00
SPEAKER_00: Split.
55:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, Patricia.
55:02
SPEAKER_00: That was Patricia.
55:03
SPEAKER_00: Um, I've always joked with him about that.
55:05
SPEAKER_00: No, but he's pretty like he's the same inside and out.
55:10
SPEAKER_00: He just knows how to like.
55:12
SPEAKER_00: I think when you're in a safe space and you're around people that you can just be yourself with, he's just, you know, you get to see a different side of him.
55:20
SPEAKER_00: He's a lot more vulnerable.
55:22
SPEAKER_01: Turning it off and on.
55:23
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
55:23
SPEAKER_00: I think um it's easy for you to do that because I can't do that.
55:27
SPEAKER_01: Being in the military, especially at our first duty station, that's when I had like the reality check of I can't be who a who I can't be military 24-7.
55:40
SPEAKER_01: I can't bring that home.
55:41
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
55:42
SPEAKER_01: Because I saw it in the kids where I'm just like, damn, I kind of suck.
55:46
SPEAKER_01: You know?
55:46
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
55:47
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, like military Chris, totally different from you know, at home Chris, totally different from Chris on the court or like being competitive, Chris, to uh to work podcast Chris.
56:03
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
56:04
SPEAKER_01: Like I have different personal well, not personalities, but the way I the way I jab with people, the way I talk to people is like totally different.
56:13
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
56:15
SPEAKER_00: Like, I guess you you could say you're bipolar, but I think it's like you know how to adapt to your environment.
56:20
SPEAKER_01: It goes bipolar.
56:21
SPEAKER_01: See, I'm finna get triggered.
56:23
SPEAKER_01: Um, Tiff be talking white all the time.
56:25
SPEAKER_01: She's no, she has her white voice, and that's majority of the time.
56:29
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, what the?
56:30
SPEAKER_00: Listen to the city.
56:30
SPEAKER_00: I mean customer service, my brother.
56:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I mean customer service.
56:33
SPEAKER_00: Like, that's my job.
56:34
SPEAKER_00: So you're talking ghetto too.
56:35
SPEAKER_00: Um, my customer white shut up.
56:39
SPEAKER_00: My customer service voice went to Harvard.
56:41
SPEAKER_00: And then my personality is a very a mixture of just my environment that I grew up in.
56:47
SPEAKER_00: Um, so it's just really funny because I'll come home from work and I'll still have that like white voice or you know, my customer service voice.
56:55
SPEAKER_00: And he's like, why are you talking like that?
56:57
SPEAKER_00: And it takes me like an hour or so to like get out get out of it.
57:02
SPEAKER_00: Like it's been like I have to, you know, like you know, hee hee ha ha with the the customers.
57:07
SPEAKER_00: It's just, you know, I think that takes a really like it's a good skill to have because I think you get a lot of like good positive feedback when you talk like that, especially in business.
57:21
SPEAKER_01: That's true.
57:22
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
57:22
SPEAKER_01: Um, before we dip out, I got one last question.
57:25
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
57:26
SPEAKER_01: Who gets the nicest version of you?
57:28
SPEAKER_01: Your coworkers, your friends, or your family?
57:33
SPEAKER_00: Oh.
57:34
SPEAKER_00: Um when you say nice, like the best version of me.
57:40
SPEAKER_00: Or just like nice.
57:42
SPEAKER_01: Like, okay, I think sometimes at home you get the shitty Chris because I'm at work, I have to be nice, I have to pretend to be nice.
57:56
SPEAKER_01: When I'm with the homies, or like when I'm with friends, but not my friends, like they get the you know, like the more loose and lax Chris.
58:05
SPEAKER_01: But when I'm at home, sometimes I have to get to business.
58:08
SPEAKER_01: So that's when you get like the the stern, hey man, did you do this?
58:14
SPEAKER_01: Is homework done?
58:15
SPEAKER_01: Okay, it's bath time, da-da-da-da.
58:17
SPEAKER_01: So you get like somewhat of the crappy Chris at home.
58:21
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I can see that.
58:22
SPEAKER_00: I'm kind of like that too.
58:24
SPEAKER_00: Like at work, um you really turn off a certain part of you to work, and you get like the polite, super well-mannered person, and then my friends, I like you said, get like it's not serious, so you can just like kiki and talk story and just really like kind of forget work and then home life.
58:52
SPEAKER_00: And then you're just kind of you without the kids, without the husband, without you feeling pressured to be a certain way at work.
59:02
SPEAKER_00: So I feel like you get the most genuine part of like who Tiffany is with my friends.
59:09
SPEAKER_00: And then when I'm at home, yeah, you kind of get the shitty side, like you don't get the best of me because you see me overstimulated, like I am still thinking about the day I had at work, or like, you know, I had to cancel my friends because home is more important.
59:24
SPEAKER_00: So like I'm kind of irritated.
59:26
SPEAKER_00: And then you kind of get the shitty part of me, but also you really get to see me where nobody else gets to see me.
59:33
SPEAKER_00: Like I'm goofy, I'm like joke, I'm like a jokester, and I'm like dancing around being like a goofball with the kids.
59:43
SPEAKER_00: Like, you don't like people don't see that part of me, which you do, so I think you get the best of both worlds when it comes to me.
59:53
SPEAKER_00: So I think nicest is probably gonna be at work.
59:58
SPEAKER_00: You too.
1:00:00
SPEAKER_00: Genuinely, like Tiffany, like who my personality is before kids and having you know a significant other is my friends, but you get all of me wrapped in in one at home.
1:00:13
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, great.
1:00:14
SPEAKER_01: I'll just say uh that was fun.
1:00:18
SPEAKER_01: Uh cute.
1:00:20
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for um whatever.
1:00:23
SPEAKER_01: Hey, thank you for listening and watching this 100th episode.
1:00:28
SPEAKER_01: I didn't know I may I couldn't make it this far.
1:00:30
SPEAKER_01: Uh statistics say that um podcasters usually uh quit on episode three because they don't see um they don't see the results that they're uh that they're wanting.
1:00:43
SPEAKER_01: Um but as you can see, I'm still here.
1:00:45
SPEAKER_01: 100.
1:00:46
SPEAKER_01: Uh my my stuff changed from episode one to 99, 96, 100, and all that stuff.
1:00:53
SPEAKER_01: So I do appreciate y'all for uh listening.
1:00:55
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for having my back.
1:00:56
SPEAKER_01: Ewobs, um, where can these people uh find you at?
1:01:00
SPEAKER_01: And do you have any shout outs?
1:01:01
SPEAKER_00: Um, shout out to the kiddos.
1:01:04
SPEAKER_00: Um, shout out to the homies, you know who you are.
1:01:09
SPEAKER_00: Um, you can find me.
1:01:10
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm on like every social media platform.
1:01:14
SPEAKER_00: Just look at my name.
1:01:16
SPEAKER_00: I don't know my handles, to be honest with you.
1:01:19
SPEAKER_00: Um yeah, okay, or not just get Chris up.
1:01:24
SPEAKER_00: Or go on his page and then click my profile, my tag.
1:01:27
SPEAKER_00: Because he should be tagging me in his shit, right?
1:01:29
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:01:30
SPEAKER_00: That's what yeah, right?
1:01:38
SPEAKER_01: Goddamn saying, we have a freaking bank account together.
1:01:41
SPEAKER_01: What?
1:01:42
SPEAKER_00: Period.
1:01:42
SPEAKER_01: What else?
1:01:43
SPEAKER_01: What else?
1:01:44
SPEAKER_01: Hey, shout out to KO Studios.
1:01:46
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for the lovely home.
1:01:47
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for homing the podcast.
1:01:50
SPEAKER_01: Uh as you can see, we're in the parlor.
1:01:52
SPEAKER_01: Um, Raffi Bye, since day one.
1:01:54
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for the beats, man.
1:01:56
SPEAKER_01: And with that, I'm Chris.
1:01:58
SPEAKER_00: And I'm Tiff.
1:01:59
SPEAKER_01: And we out with this bitch.
1:02:01
SPEAKER_01: Peace.
1:02:07
SPEAKER_02: Okay.