Latest / Callum Walker | Figuring It Out / Episode 64 - Why You Feel Like You're Never Good Enough—And How to Fix It

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Episode 64 - Why You Feel Like You're Never Good Enough—And How to Fix It · Callum Walker | Figuring It Out

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: If fear is the only thing stopping us from achieving our dreams and we only fear what we don't understand, then the antidote to fear is knowledge.
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: All we have to do is find out who
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: has the knowledge that we need to conquer our fears and achieve our entrepreneurial dreams. My name is Callum Walker, and welcome to the podcast that will help you figure it out and conquer this lonely entrepreneurial journey.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: Hello, everyone, and welcome to the podcast. What a a week it has been. It has been one hell of a, I say week, maybe ten day period, to be honest. I got really poorly. Alice was also really poorly.
• 0:48
  And then as I was really poorly, I then had the conclusion of our most recent Next Level Coach six week course. And I must say, I had so much fun delivering that six week course. And that is a huge lesson to you straight up, right from the get go, right off the bat. Make sure that the work that you're doing is enjoyable and it is exciting and it is filling you with, yeah, a sense of I'm really looking forward to doing that. I'm really looking forward to executing that specific thing.
• 1:22
  I know for myself, I can't wait to start my my next next level coach six week course. I was very, very, very, very happy to welcome five new guys into the elite who moved on from and upgraded from the Next Level Coach six week course onto the full blown twelve month elite coach program, which is super exciting. And the group just keeps, yeah, just keeps growing. We've got some amazing new coaches in and a beautiful community really blossoming and blooming. So yeah.
• 1:58
  But like I kinda mentioned, I was really quite poorly and and we we had two I had two days of of speaking, so Friday and Saturday. And doing that while poorly was a real challenge, I must say. Because I really just wanna put on a show for the guys, you know? Really wanna make sure that and it's just in my nature. Don't leave anything in the tank.
• 2:21
  Don't leave anything in the tank. And I definitely would say I was I wasn't close to actually like doing this, but from a physical health point of view, I definitely, can say I was, certainly in the situation where I could have very easily, very easily said, hey guys, I'm actually really poorly. I can't do this. But I was committed to the cause and I felt a little bit better to be honest. And I didn't power through because I didn't push myself and that is not wise when you're poorly.
• 2:50
  But showed up. I really, really kind of left nothing on the table and and it was amazing. So but yeah. Anyway, what is the purpose of today? What is the purpose of today?
• 3:01
  Good question. Good. Good. Good question. Well, at the moment, I'm, I'm reading a book, of course.
• 3:11
  Always reading a book. It's by Dan Sullivan and Benjamin Hardy. Now if you've been following the podcast for a while, or if you are currently in My Elite Coach and and you are listening to this, we, I'm a huge fan of the book 10 x is easier than two x. So it's one of their books that they, they wrote. I I believe it's their latest book.
• 3:31
  I started reading it last year, and it honestly was incredible. It is incredible. If you haven't read it, read it. What's it about? Do you know what I would say?
• 3:43
  If you run a business, if you're an entrepreneur, probably the hardest thing about running a business is that there isn't a handbook on not necessarily how to run a business because there's loads and loads of books on how you can do that. But there isn't a handbook on how to operate as an entrepreneur. And I think that not just 10x is easier than 2x, but their series of books, I've read Who Not How, 10x is easier than 2x. I'm now reading The Gap and The Gain. Those genuinely, I would say, come as close to a handbook on how to be a success a successful entrepreneur as it comes.
• 4:29
  And by successful entrepreneur, what I really like about it is that they define, you know, that almost kind of successful entrepreneur in like four sort of ways. In terms of everyone kind of assumes that success is just about money, which is a element of success. Absolutely. Like, you know, you have more money, you can make more choices. I know that I would rather have money in my bank account than not in my bank account.
• 4:55
  So to completely dismiss it as a success metric is unwise. But what I like is that they refer to these things called the four freedoms that as an entrepreneur we have to have in line, which one is freedom of money. But then what I like is that there are three other freedoms around that. You have freedom of time, freedom of purpose and freedom of relationships. So essentially, you know, we have this freedom from a financial point of view that we don't have to worry about money, and we can utilize money as the tool, that it's supposed to be.
• 5:33
  You know, There's that amazing quote, is money is an excellent slave but a poor master, which is very, very true because when you are mastered by money, you're constantly driven by fear. Do know what mean? You're constantly driven by fear of, and I know that feeling of like, I know when I've made money, my first instinct is then, oh my god, I wanna I need to hold onto this. I can't lose it. You immediately go from a state of abundance to a state of scarcity.
• 6:01
  It's a really, really strange phenomenon. I don't know if you've ever experienced that. But whether you've signed up a new client or you've had a big influx, it almost kinda seems that your first instinct is, oh my god. I've gotta do absolutely everything in my power to not lose this money. And see, Justin, because I was listening to Joe Rogan.
• 6:19
  He had Josh Brolin, the actor who played Thanos in the Avengers. He had him on his podcast. And they were talking. They were like, you know what? It's interesting.
• 6:29
  When I got money, the the main thing was immediately I just went straight into a fear based mindset of being scared of losing it, which is really sad. So they talk about having that freedom of money, then that freedom of time. Again, freedom to do with your time what you wish. Freedom of purpose, again, like you're discovering your own unique purpose within your unique ability, and then freedom of relationships in terms of the, you know, opening up doors to be able to spend time with the people that you want to spend time with, whether that's the people you currently have or be able to get into rooms of people that you want to connect with moving forward. So I just really like their overall definition of that.
• 7:12
  So if you haven't read 10 x easier than two x, I'd highly recommend it. For all of you guys in the elite coach who are listening to this right now, it is your homework, and you must be listening to that or reading it at the moment because we're currently running through a lot of teachings from within that book, which is amazing. But what are my main lessons from the gap and the gain so far and how can it help you? I think a very, very common theme of someone running a business, otherwise known as an entrepreneur, entrepreneur, is this sense of achievement but not fulfillment. So that you may achieve goals and milestones, but there's this feeling of it's never enough, that I'm not good enough, and that it's always broken.
• 8:02
  And and they really talk a lot about this in the gap and the gain, which I really like. And when I was reading it today, something absolutely struck off like a lightning bolt that made absolute sense to me. Absolute pure sense. And it will help you if you feel with any goal with any goal that you are looking to achieve, that it will help you if you are relentlessly feeling like you're working so hard. And no matter how much you do, it's never good enough.
• 8:37
  If you feel like your coaching program, for example, is always broken. If you feel like you could always have more clients and you're relentlessly chasing more and more and more and more and you're just not feeling fulfilled, this will help immensely. And they really kind of talk about within this book what you're comparing yourself to. So the problem that we really kind of fall into and the trap that we fall into, and again, you're a coach listening to this, your clients will definitely fall into this trap of focusing on where you're not versus where you are. Focusing on everything you haven't done versus what you have accomplished.
• 9:15
  Now that's not going to sound particularly mind blowing and groundbreaking. You know, oh, here we go, Callum, you're gonna talk about reflection. Yes. I am gonna talk about reflection here because it's something I've really sucked at. And since I've started to incorporate it, I've I've actually kind of like had more creative ideas, which has been really interesting.
• 9:33
  And I've certainly felt more successful. And basically, like they talk about again, this thing called the gap and the gain. So effectively, are you focusing on everything that you haven't done versus everything that you have done? So let's say that, like, you know, I'm gonna use kinda number of clients as an example. Let's say you're a newly qualified coach and you manage to get yourself to 20 clients and you have a goal of 30 clients.
• 10:03
  Now you can find yourself in two categories. You can find yourself in category number one. You're at 20 clients, but you're focused on the fact that you haven't hit 30 clients yet. So you are focused on the 10 clients you currently don't have. You feel like you are 10 away.
• 10:21
  You feel like you are effectively minus 10 versus you're at the same 20 clients. Whereas as opposed to focusing on the minus 10, you're actually focusing on the plus 20. So you're focusing on actually what I'm measuring myself at is I'm not measuring myself against where I should be and where I am not. I'm actually measuring myself against where I have been already and where I currently am now. So effectively, I'm looking at, you know what?
• 10:51
  I started at zero and now I am at plus 20. I am in the gain. I have made progress. So effectively, know, we're looking at all of the positive things that we have done versus the negative things that we haven't done so far. And again, that doesn't sound particularly mind blowing, but I promise you, the more you focus on everything that you haven't done, the more miserable you're going to be.
• 11:16
  The more you compare yourself to maybe not necessarily just other people, but compare yourself to the ideal situation, the ideal circumstances would just kind of lead you on a path to misery because I know that it has for me. And I think something that really hit me within that book was that they referred to the ideal circumstances. So let's say right now I'm really going ham and really going all in on improving the quality of my service right now, making that service as amazing as it can possibly be. Now the problem is that I'm coming up with loads and loads of ideas. So, if you don't have this, make sure that you do incorporate this.
• 11:57
  I have, like, a single note on my phone. It's on the Pages app. It also links up to my iPad and my computer that any idea that I potentially have, around how I could improve quality of my coaching program. When it hits me, I put it down there. So I have a page of all of these ideas of things that I would like to include within my coaching program.
• 12:17
  And all of those ideas all make up effectively like the perfect coaching program. Now what's really interesting is that all of that is the ideal. Yeah? It's the ideal. It's the perfect situation.
• 12:28
  Now what I really love about what they said is that your ideal should not serve as a destination. Your ideal should serve as a direction, not necessarily a destination. So for me, building this ultimate coaching program, one of the things that, we can really kind of fall into is this feeling of my coaching isn't good enough, my coaching isn't good enough, my coaching isn't good enough, because you are comparing it to what it should be. Now what's really interesting, which is what hit me today, is that I have on paper this list of all of the perfect things that can go into my coaching program. Now what's interesting is as I start to incorporate those things into my coaching program, what happens is that I then come up with new ideas to add to the list, which means, that the the ideal, the closer I feel I'm moving towards it, the further it actually gets away from me.
• 13:31
  So it's almost kind of like this chasing the dragon almost situation of that it seems that the closer I'm getting towards this destination, the further it gets itself away from me. Now why is that? And and and again, it's always kinda like why we always kinda feel that the the closer we're getting to a goal, it doesn't feel like we're actually realizing this goal that we're in this same sort of situation because we're constantly focusing on where we should be. But what happens is that as we kind of move closer and closer towards this goal, the ideal also kind of starts to expand. So, effectively, what happens is the the more I am putting new things into my coaching program, the more ideas I then have around what the coaching the perfect coaching program is always going to could potentially be.
• 14:24
  What happens is that the number of almost kind of like things that could incorporate into my coaching program continues to increase. So no matter what I do, this coaching program is never going to be perfect because I'm always coming up with new ways of improving that. Now why is that? Well, for me, I kind of feel that like, and again, it's just why I really like this destination versus direction. Sorry, this direction versus destination That it's almost like all of these ideas should serve as the direction in which I should be traveling, and I am traveling towards building this great coaching program.
• 15:01
  So it could be for you in terms of getting yourself into shape. The problem is that the closer and closer that you get to this goal, you are also in the process of becoming the person capable of achieving that goal. You are becoming better. You are opening yourself up to more creative ideas and more possibilities and potentialities that weren't available to you when you were further back and you first started. So let's say that, like, you look at a client, for example, they're getting closer and closer to losing weight, but also they're probably starting to fall in love with their training and they might wanna then go and do like a high rugs or they might wanna go and get themselves into shape.
• 15:36
  So the problem is that they are consistently as they're moving forward, they can also see how they can potentially grow in the future, which means that if they see that future self as the destination, they're always going to be feeling inferior versus if they see it as the direction, then they go, oh, this is the direction of travel that I'm actually moving towards, and I actually just see this ideal as a well of endless possibilities that I can use to enhance the quality of whatever it is that I'm currently working on. Does that make sense? So it's almost that, like, when you can make that shift, for me, I I I almost kinda, like, had this light bulb this morning around it. I was like, oh my god. Like, I'm just going on this journey, it's just going to improve and improve and improve and improve.
• 16:23
  But if I consistently see all of those things on that that piece of paper, all of those potential ideas as holes in my coaching program and things that it's not versus things that it can be in the future, I'm always gonna feel inferior. And the problem is when you're feeling inferior, you're just getting negative feedback. You're miserable. And the problem is that when you're relentlessly getting negative feedback, it's hard to be motivated to do things that provide us with negative feedback and make us feel like shit. No wonder we can potentially feel like I'm putting in all of this stuff and getting nowhere.
• 16:57
  That's because I'm comparing myself to the ideal as to where I should be, where what I should be doing, what I should look like. It's crazy. So I guess, really, the the thing that I want to kinda put towards you is, again, get clear on the game that you're playing and make sure that you're playing the long term infinite game because if you're playing this game of, oh my god, it has to be absolutely perfect right now. So for example, you know, I'm running weekly webinars at the moment. If you haven't registered for my my next free masterclass, click on the link in the podcast description and sign up for the free masterclass.
• 17:32
  You'll also get a free custom branded recipe book when you attend. But I'm doing these on a weekly basis. Now if I see each one as, oh my god, it has to be the best possible webinar, I'm just gonna fucking fail, and I'm gonna feel like shit, and I'm gonna suck. And I'm also gonna put an immense amount of pressure on me versus actually I'm just seeing it as I'm currently in the direction of becoming better and better at one to many speaking. And I am getting better and better because I'm always kind of like noticing the things that kinda suck within the webinars, the things that are good, and I'm just relentlessly improving it.
• 18:05
  And I'm going on the the path. I'm going in the direction of effectively, improving the overall quality of webinar that I am delivering. And that's the overall projects that we're working on. It's a direction. It's not a destination.
• 18:21
  It's not I'm in pursuit of creating the perfect webinar because it's a never ending pursuit versus I'm currently on the path, to improving, the quality of webinar that I can deliver. And that improving is a process whereas creating the perfect webinar isn't a process. It's a destination. It's finite. It has an end goal.
• 18:43
  And the problem is with that, when it is finite, I'm always gonna kinda come up short. So it's the same with your clients. They might have this goal of getting them, getting, like, three stone off, for example, Whereas that shouldn't be the goal. It should be a milestone. That it's a milestone to tick off.
• 18:59
  Whereas the goal is actually to become the person capable of being the healthiest version of myself. But the problem is that you'll always get you can always be healthier, which is great. So see it as a direction, not a destination. See yourself as instead of going, I'm going to become the best coach in the world, see yourself as going on the journey of becoming the best coach that you can possibly be. And that means you can always be a better coach.
• 19:22
  You can always be a better entrepreneur, but see it as a process, see it as a journey and a direction that you're moving towards as opposed to a destination because I promise you, it will make you so much happier. And when you are happier and you are enjoying the delivery of this business, that's when it becomes better. That's when creativity comes to you and you feel like, no, am making progress because you actually are. But you were making progress all along, but the problem was that you were measuring yourself against all of the things that you haven't done versus all the things that you have done. Have a look back at where you were six to eight months ago.
• 19:55
  But more importantly, look back at who you were, the skills that you had, the skills that you now have, and you will see that you have evolved, you have grown, you have moved forward with things. But get clear on who you're comparing yourself to. Never forget, if every one of your clients gave you just one new client, you have doubled your business.