Latest / How To Love Yourself No Matter What / 327. The Secret to Crushing Burnout: A Chat with Annabelle

Transcript

327. The Secret to Crushing Burnout: A Chat with Annabelle · How To Love Yourself No Matter What

• 0:00
  Hey, I'm Amanda Hess.
• 0:02
  I'm a certified life coach.
• 0:03
  But what you need to know is I'm a sensitive woman just like you, and I'm going to help you understand yourself better so that you can approach your life differently and feel really good about it.
• 0:16
  Let's go.
• 0:17
  Hello, everyone, and welcome to the podcast.
• 0:19
  Today I have a really special guest for you.
• 0:23
  I am bringing on my client, Annabelle.
• 0:26
  Annabelle and I have been working together for, I think over a year, and I wanted to bring her on today for her to be able to share her experiences through coaching, the wins that she's had.
• 0:38
  I'm just actually so blown away by how coachable Anabel is and how she is able to implement the coaching and really make extremely positive changes in her life.
• 0:49
  So without further ado, I want to just say, welcome, Annabelle.
• 0:53
  Hello.
• 0:54
  Hi.
• 0:56
  So every time I.
• 0:57
  I bring a client on the podcast, I think it's a little nerve wracking because they don't know what to expect.
• 1:03
  But this is just a conversation.
• 1:06
  And so where I'd like to start is maybe just letting everyone know why you were looking for coaching in the first place, if you can remember.
• 1:17
  Oh, my God.
• 1:17
  Remember back then?
• 1:19
  Yeah.
• 1:19
  Remember what was kind of going on for you?
• 1:22
  No, I remember it very well.
• 1:24
  I was driving in the car with my husband, just in tears, just, I mean, I could cry about it thinking about it right now.
• 1:32
  I was at such a burnout phase in my life in every single way you could imagine.
• 1:41
  We just made a major move from Denver to northwest Arkansas, New state, no family here.
• 1:48
  We were really excited about it.
• 1:49
  Had our little four year old in tower, but decided to open a business when we got here.
• 1:56
  It was always kind of a goal and a dream and it just, hey, why not new business, new town, let's just do it.
• 2:03
  And I was months into the business, starting it on my own, and I just was working 12, 13, 14 hours a day.
• 2:13
  So frustrated, definitely on burnout phase.
• 2:17
  Wasn't spending the time, you know, I was wanting to, with my 4 year old, had massive guilt.
• 2:22
  The.
• 2:23
  Just the trajectory was not going in the right direction.
• 2:26
  And I reached out to a dear friend of mine and because it popped into my head, I remembered that she talked so highly of her coach and she pointed me in the right direction.
• 2:37
  And here we are.
• 2:39
  Here we are.
• 2:40
  It's so fun.
• 2:41
  Yeah.
• 2:42
  I always think that one of the most beneficial, easiest ways to find somebody to help you is to use your network.
• 2:50
  Right?
• 2:50
  Because then you have somebody that you know and trust that's recommending somebody that really works for you.
• 2:57
  And yeah, I, I really remember that first call that we had together and we talked about what was going on for you and, and just how overwhelmed you were feeling and how much pressure I think you felt like
• 3:11
  you were under and just feeling a little bit like you were backed into a corner and you didn't know how to get out.
• 3:17
  100%, yes.
• 3:18
  Yeah.
• 3:19
  It was like I had no clarity and I was in the mindset like, the harder I work, the better I'll be, the more successful I'll be.
• 3:27
  And so that's just really what I latched onto.
• 3:30
  I was striving to be a perfect version of myself, run the perfect business, and it just definitely was not that.
• 3:38
  But it's so common.
• 3:39
  I think that so many women that are listening to this podcast today are going to be able to resonate with the idea that it doesn't seem to matter how hard I work.
• 3:49
  I still feel like I'm behind, oh, a thousand percent.
• 3:54
  I was always behind.
• 3:55
  And that's why I was like, well, if I just work to the 13th, 14th hour of the day, I'll feel better.
• 4:02
  And then that transformed into not sleeping at night and waking up and just first thing going straight to my computer and opening it up and just like this cyclical feeling of just being behind and stressed.
• 4:15
  And I was always like this rushed feeling like I, if I, I just need to go faster, I need to do more.
• 4:21
  I was not eating, I was not sleep.
• 4:24
  I was just all the things that my body needed and my mind needed.
• 4:29
  I was doing the opposite.
• 4:30
  Yeah.
• 4:31
  And I think the additional pressure of like moving to a new place and starting a new business and really wanting that business to be successful and I think that's a really, it's just a very common thing that people,
• 4:44
  people experience.
• 4:46
  And then on top of that, I do remember another thing that we talked about was feeling like when you're working, you feel guilty about the time you're not spending with your family, the time you're not spending with your
• 4:55
  son.
• 4:56
  And then when you are spending the time with your son, when you are spending the time with your family, feeling guilty because you're not getting enough work done.
• 5:03
  Yeah.
• 5:03
  And not even being like in the moment with my then 4 year old.
• 5:08
  Right.
• 5:08
  Like I would go try to play with him at the park, but I would be on my phone or like not be able to enjoy em and I was like short tempered.
• 5:17
  And that was like the guilt on top of the guilt on top of the guilt.
• 5:20
  Yeah, yeah.
• 5:21
  It Was awful.
• 5:23
  Yeah.
• 5:24
  So when we started working together and we started, you know, addressing some of these things.
• 5:30
  Yeah.
• 5:30
  What were some of the first things that you felt were really useful for you?
• 5:35
  Man, I remember all this so well.
• 5:37
  The first meeting, I think we talked about just regulating your nervous system.
• 5:41
  And I was like, yeah, cool how you do that.
• 5:46
  But just implementing those morning walks helped more than I can really even put into words.
• 5:55
  It calmed myself and my body reminded me of why we moved to a beautiful spot that we did Right.
• 6:01
  Just like, grounded me more.
• 6:03
  That was a big thing.
• 6:04
  That was like one of.
• 6:05
  It was the first thing that I did that really.
• 6:06
  I felt it right.
• 6:08
  I could sleep better just implementing those small things.
• 6:10
  The other thing that was really hard for me to adapt, but we did it early on, was decide when I was going to stop working for the day.
• 6:19
  And then really commit to that and close your computer and realize as clients or whoever emailing that their emergency is not my emergency.
• 6:30
  And so, like this, I can pick up tomorrow.
• 6:33
  It's not life or death.
• 6:35
  Even though it felt like that many, many times.
• 6:38
  Yeah.
• 6:39
  So that those two things definitely stick out that towards the beginning, that really, really helped.
• 6:44
  Right.
• 6:45
  And I think, you know, those are the things that we typically do do in coaching.
• 6:48
  You know, the first thing that I always do when I work with anyone is look at what's going on with your nervous system.
• 6:53
  Because what we tend to do when we're in the position that you were in, where you're in that, that sort of burnout cycle, pressure cycle, is that you are in fight, flight, freeze on perpetually.
• 7:06
  And you just keep, without meaning to cycling yourself through it because it's not sustainable.
• 7:14
  And so you're living on sort of adrenaline and panic.
• 7:18
  It's not sustainable.
• 7:19
  It doesn't last.
• 7:20
  And so it starts to feel very difficult and hard.
• 7:25
  And that's because it is difficult and hard.
• 7:27
  But what we don't realize is that if we don't just take a look at our nervous system and go, okay, how do I get myself to come down 10%, 15%.
• 7:37
  And you know, like, when you're talking about, like, going for the walks, Going for a walk is not the same thing as going for a walk.
• 7:43
  And what I mean by that is, like, anybody can go for a walk, but are you going for a walk in a place, in a space where it feels grounding to you?
• 7:52
  And for every single person that is going to look different, A lot of people hop on their treadmill and I'm like, sure, if it feels grounding like if you are doing something on that treadmill that kind of allows
• 8:04
  you to ground in because, you know, I know for you, you go for your walks outside in nature, and that's combining a lot of different nervous system touch points.
• 8:15
  We're talking movement, which movement is super, super key, but also nature, which is immediately grounding, also pleasure.
• 8:23
  It's beautiful to look at.
• 8:25
  So you've got three things happening at once at the beginning of your day that really help front load your day for whatever might come next.
• 8:32
  Yeah.
• 8:34
  It seemed so simple when you tasked me with it and I was like, okay, yeah, cool.
• 8:40
  I know.
• 8:41
  But then it, like, I just, it really did, you know, I think you tasked me with like 15 minutes.
• 8:47
  I was like, 15 minutes, that's nothing.
• 8:49
  But really, by the end of 15 minutes, and I would, I would be conscious enough to not bring my phone, not wear my earphones.
• 8:55
  Right.
• 8:56
  Not bring the dogs.
• 8:58
  Yes.
• 8:58
  That was big.
• 9:00
  Yes, I love my dogs.
• 9:01
  But then I had guilt, like, oh, I should bring my dogs.
• 9:03
  But I was like, no, I'm doing this for me.
• 9:06
  Yes.
• 9:07
  And even those 15 minutes, I mean, some days I would go longer, but some days, you know, 15 minutes is all I needed.
• 9:13
  Well, and I think it's.
• 9:14
  It's one of those things where people will ask me, they'll say to me, like, how do you get yourself to do it?
• 9:21
  Right.
• 9:21
  Because I think that ultimately a lot of people listening to this might know, like, they might know this.
• 9:26
  Like, yeah, but like, how do you get yourself to do it?
• 9:30
  When you think about that, I'm curious for you, how now, after being doing this for over a year, how do you get yourself to do it?
• 9:40
  I just, It's a moment for me.
• 9:43
  Right.
• 9:43
  And that's, it's like a gift to yourself.
• 9:47
  So remind myself that the other thing is like, okay, and you and I work a lot on this and we still have to.
• 9:53
  It's always, you know, work in progress.
• 9:56
  But plan it.
• 9:57
  So put it in my calendar.
• 9:59
  Just plan it.
• 10:00
  And then you don't really like.
• 10:01
  Cause I would do it earlier in the morning, right.
• 10:03
  I would put my clothes out the night before.
• 10:05
  So they're there.
• 10:06
  You don't even have to think about it.
• 10:08
  And it's scheduled.
• 10:09
  So then you just, you just get up and do it.
• 10:11
  Cause that was planned.
• 10:13
  Right.
• 10:13
  And I think that that is a super, super important thing to really understand is that two things.
• 10:19
  Number one, what you don't plan, you will not do.
• 10:22
  Yeah.
• 10:23
  And so if it's not planned to the extent of I'm going tomorrow at 10am and I'm not bringing my dog or my children.
• 10:32
  And it's just going to be me.
• 10:34
  And I'm not putting my headphones in.
• 10:36
  So this is an experience for me to be able to.
• 10:39
  For you, like, that is a pleasurable experience.
• 10:42
  So this is a pleasurable experience for you, and I need this.
• 10:47
  It's really, I think, a matter of the story even that you tell about why you're doing it.
• 10:53
  A hundred percent I agree.
• 10:55
  And what clicked for me in my brain, because, you know, it's like, okay, I'm doing it for me, but like, will it benefit my business too?
• 11:02
  Right.
• 11:02
  Which is always the way I was thinking, especially at the beginning when I'm a better version of myself, which I tend to be when I do things for myself, I show up better for my clients.
• 11:13
  Yeah.
• 11:15
  And your family.
• 11:16
  And my family.
• 11:16
  Right.
• 11:17
  If we're not just talking about work.
• 11:18
  But it's a.
• 11:18
  It, like everybody wins.
• 11:22
  Exactly.
• 11:23
  Everybody wins.
• 11:24
  Including me.
• 11:25
  Especially me.
• 11:26
  And the more I win, the more everybody else wins.
• 11:29
  And so when you can understand that it's not selfish, that it's actually a service to all humanity to take care of your nervous system, you get to just be a different version of yourself for your whole day.
• 11:43
  And I think the other things like that are important to know is for you, you like going in the morning.
• 11:49
  Morning is the time when you enjoy doing that.
• 11:51
  So you're telling yourself the truth too.
• 11:53
  You're not like, oh, well, I'll do it after dinner on Thursday.
• 11:58
  No, no, we know I won't.
• 12:01
  Yeah.
• 12:02
  So for anybody listening to this, I think it's important to know that you've got to tell yourself the truth about who you are.
• 12:09
  And that's why I'm just really not a big believer in other people's protocols.
• 12:13
  Because you've got to find the protocol that works for you.
• 12:16
  Because Annabelle rocking outside, Annabelle going for a walk outside works for her.
• 12:21
  But if you hate being outside and there are people that do, I'm like, then don't walk outside if you don't like walking.
• 12:28
  Ride a bicycle, go swimming.
• 12:31
  Don't even move if you really don't want to move.
• 12:33
  Like, I do think movement is a big key.
• 12:35
  But I've had clients even in the past who have just the idea of going for a walk was so unpleasant for them because of what was going on with their body and everything else.
• 12:45
  And I was like, great, go sit on a park bench.
• 12:48
  Yeah.
• 12:49
  With a book even.
• 12:50
  It doesn't matter.
• 12:51
  It's just that you have to start being able to experiment with what does really work for me.
• 12:57
  Because I also remember you used to ride.
• 12:59
  Didn't you used to ride your bike?
• 13:00
  Or did you walk?
• 13:00
  And your son rode his bike.
• 13:02
  But you rode your bike.
• 13:03
  We ride.
• 13:04
  Yeah, we ride a lot still.
• 13:05
  Yeah.
• 13:06
  Like you're still taking your son out for bike rides.
• 13:08
  And you know, I think it's just understanding that we do want to be the boss of our brain as soon as we can at the beginning of our day.
• 13:20
  Soon as we can at the beginning.
• 13:23
  So if you do move your body and give it pleasure and you're actively engaging with things that you know are going to make a difference for you, then immediately you start your day being.
• 13:32
  The boss of your brain a hundred percent.
• 13:35
  And then when something annoying or frustrating lands on your desk, you're not as reactive.
• 13:40
  Yes.
• 13:42
  Yes.
• 13:42
  So it's huge.
• 13:43
  So I think like, yes.
• 13:44
  Nervous system is just so, so, so important.
• 13:47
  And when you can realize that it can feel really good to take care of your nervous system, that's where I think you'll find success.
• 13:54
  Yeah.
• 13:55
  And I think that's where you found success.
• 13:57
  You know the things that feel good, you know the things that make you feel good.
• 14:01
  Grounded and okay and filled up.
• 14:04
  And it doesn't have to be meditation.
• 14:08
  It doesn't have to be that.
• 14:09
  Because a lot of things in life are meditative without being labeled as meditation.
• 14:16
  Yeah.
• 14:17
  I believe that.
• 14:18
  And pleasure is just.
• 14:20
  To me, pleasure is the key.
• 14:22
  Yeah.
• 14:23
  Because we tend to deny ourselves pleasure when we're working all the time.
• 14:27
  Oh yeah.
• 14:27
  That was the.
• 14:28
  That was the.
• 14:29
  That wasn't even on my list of things that I was doing.
• 14:33
  Even did not have a place.
• 14:36
  Yeah.
• 14:36
  What do you do for yourself now other than going for walks?
• 14:39
  What do you do for yourself for pleasure?
• 14:41
  Out of curiosity, because I don't even necessarily know the answer.
• 14:45
  Well, what brings me pleasure.
• 14:47
  So I did join a gym where I do group classes.
• 14:50
  Right.
• 14:51
  That some days is not as pleasurable.
• 14:52
  But the feeling afterwards is definitely something that has helped me.
• 14:57
  This is going to sound funny, but it has brought me so much happiness is I hired house cleaners.
• 15:04
  I love them.
• 15:05
  Every time they come, I'm like so happy to see them.
• 15:08
  But that was on my plate.
• 15:10
  That was something I had to do.
• 15:12
  And it bothers me when my house is not clean and organized and I work from home when I'm not in clients home.
• 15:17
  That was a gift to myself.
• 15:19
  And it was hard for me to do that.
• 15:21
  Cause I was like, well, you know, it's expensive, but it's the best money we spend.
• 15:25
  I also, you know, when you look good, you feel good.
• 15:29
  Right.
• 15:29
  I used to have a really hard time spending money on myself, but pedicures was something I implemented.
• 15:36
  And it's just a good little downtime.
• 15:39
  Just that I do by myself.
• 15:41
  I love that.
• 15:42
  Yeah.
• 15:42
  Cause it's not like your husband or your son probably wants to come.
• 15:44
  They don't come.
• 15:45
  No.
• 15:45
  And they don't want to come.
• 15:47
  So it's great.
• 15:48
  It's like, bye, I'm going to go do this thing that you don't want to do anyways.
• 15:50
  It's fantastic.
• 15:51
  Yeah.
• 15:52
  And I think.
• 15:54
  And I don't know if this is something you want me to get into quite yet, but I went from working every single day of the week, like I said, like ridiculous hours, to now I don't work evenings and
• 16:07
  weekends.
• 16:09
  Yeah.
• 16:09
  Let's talk about that.
• 16:10
  Well, it's been like, if you would have told me before we started that I would get here, I'd be like, there's no way.
• 16:17
  There's no way I can run a business and not work nights and weekends.
• 16:21
  And I do.
• 16:22
  I have the ability to work during the day when my son is at school and work appointments when I set them, and I take my evenings off.
• 16:36
  So I'm home with my family and I don't work weekends.
• 16:40
  Yeah.
• 16:41
  And you're not doing designs after everybody's in bed and.
• 16:45
  No, I truly don't work on the weekends.
• 16:48
  I don't answer emails.
• 16:50
  I don't open my computer.
• 16:51
  Yeah.
• 16:52
  And it is unbelievable.
• 16:56
  Back in the day, I would say it was unbelievable, but here I am and it's.
• 16:59
  It works really well.
• 16:59
  And my business is doing very well, even with this new scheduling.
• 17:05
  Yeah.
• 17:05
  And it's.
• 17:07
  Yeah.
• 17:07
  I'm not burnout.
• 17:08
  I'm not even close to burnout.
• 17:10
  I only run so many appointments a week on the schedule slots that I have available.
• 17:17
  Yeah.
• 17:17
  And what did that do for your business?
• 17:19
  Because a lot of times people think, well, if I do that, that my business or my work is going to suffer.
• 17:24
  It hasn't.
• 17:25
  My business since joining.
• 17:26
  Since working with you has only grown.
• 17:32
  I meet my goals almost every month and I've exceeded them 70% of the time.
• 17:40
  So it has created.
• 17:42
  My clients are very understanding.
• 17:43
  I mean, it is what it is, but it has created almost like a.
• 17:46
  Like a demand.
• 17:48
  Yeah.
• 17:48
  And if you want me and what I do, then sometimes you have to wait and you have to wait for things that are good.
• 17:56
  Yeah.
• 17:56
  We worked really hard on that, that,.
• 17:58
  Like, really hard, worked really hard on.
• 18:01
  Believing that people want this.
• 18:04
  And when they want something, they'll wait.
• 18:07
  Yeah, yeah.
• 18:09
  And if they're not willing to wait, that's okay.
• 18:12
  That's not going to work.
• 18:13
  It's totally fine.
• 18:14
  It's just not who you're going to work with.
• 18:16
  And it's actually not my ideal clientele.
• 18:18
  Let's be honest.
• 18:19
  We really, really explored that.
• 18:20
  You know, if somebody needs you like yesterday and they want to redo their design eight times and they think that they need to talk to you incessantly, this is not your ideal client.
• 18:34
  And, you know, for those of you that don't know, Annabelle owns a company where she designs and creates custom closets for people.
• 18:43
  Yes.
• 18:43
  Did I say that right?
• 18:44
  Yeah, exactly.
• 18:45
  Yeah.
• 18:46
  And it's really interesting because it is bespoke and she is working with like, I'd say a higher income kind of client, typically.
• 18:57
  And so really, it's really, really fascinating to me because even if somebody's listening to this, they don't own a business.
• 19:05
  This isn't what they're doing in their life.
• 19:06
  I want you to know this still applies to you because it's so important to talk about it.
• 19:10
  We essentially teach people how to treat us.
• 19:17
  And when you know that that's true, you can start really changing the way that you do things.
• 19:21
  But people get it a little confused because they think that they need to be really directive with people.
• 19:27
  And I'm like, no, you don't need to be directive with people.
• 19:29
  You don't need to say, do this, do that, do it my way, do it like this.
• 19:33
  That's very, very impossible.
• 19:35
  It's very impossible when you're running a business because these people are paying you and they are how they are, and, and they're going to be how they are going to be.
• 19:43
  With your personal life, it maybe worse because, you know, good luck bossing your mom around or, you know, your brother.
• 19:51
  Like, it's just not gonna work.
• 19:53
  So being able to change the way that you navigate boundaries, I think is the biggest lesson.
• 20:01
  Yeah, I was gonna say it's all.
• 20:03
  It's boundaries.
• 20:04
  It's like boundary.
• 20:06
  Right.
• 20:07
  Clientele.
• 20:08
  Because they.
• 20:09
  There's plenty of people out there that, you know.
• 20:11
  And I did have those clients, they would take, take, take, take, take, and they had emergencies and they needed to talk to me immediately.
• 20:17
  And I would bend over backwards and work all hours of the night.
• 20:20
  And, you know, their emergency was my emergency.
• 20:23
  And it's only good customer service if I respond to them within like a 20 minute period and if I'm late, they're going to drop me.
• 20:31
  And now it's a level.
• 20:32
  If there's like clarity on how I do things, I have systems, I'm still very attentive, but I attend to them during business hours.
• 20:43
  Yeah.
• 20:44
  Yeah.
• 20:44
  And what did that take from you to be able to do that?
• 20:49
  The belief that I am very good at what we do.
• 20:54
  We are a high quality custom closet company that delivers the best quality product.
• 21:03
  It's just a higher belief in myself and my business.
• 21:08
  Yeah.
• 21:09
  It was just time myself that we.
• 21:12
  It's just the belief that I needed in myself.
• 21:14
  It's like, we are good.
• 21:16
  We know what we're doing.
• 21:18
  Yeah.
• 21:19
  And that took a lot.
• 21:21
  It did.
• 21:22
  Raising up your belief in yourself, in who you are, and you being exceptional in you being like you being able to validate your value is.
• 21:35
  Is something that we worked really hard on.
• 21:38
  And what I will say about you is that you are willing to consider it as something that makes you very coachable.
• 21:46
  And so listen, if you're listening to this and you're my client and you feel like you're not very coachable, it's not really about that.
• 21:54
  What it is though is, is I think that coachability to a certain extent is a skill.
• 21:59
  And so I think it's maybe it's just a skill period.
• 22:03
  Not even to a certain extent.
• 22:05
  And like, it's a skill you can learn.
• 22:06
  You can learn to be coachable.
• 22:08
  And being coachable to me is.
• 22:10
  Is just being willing to hear the perspective and consider how it might be possible for you to be able to do it right.
• 22:20
  Something you're really good at doing.
• 22:21
  Have you always been really good at doing that?
• 22:24
  Oh, I don't know.
• 22:26
  I've never gotten that feedback.
• 22:28
  I think I was so willing to hear your perspective because I was so willing to get out of a terrible mindset.
• 22:37
  And I wanted change.
• 22:40
  Yeah, I wanted it.
• 22:42
  And so sometimes, yes, we've had really, really hard conversations and it like sometimes I would.
• 22:48
  I would like preface it be like, I know I probably shouldn't say this, or I know I'm about to get nailed right now, but I want to say it anyways.
• 22:57
  You guys have the most dramatic language about me, but I.
• 23:03
  Yes.
• 23:03
  I mean, the thing is, is when you're being coached, I think it's important to understand that I think coaching is a really weird thing, slash the most amazing, most valuable, valuable thing you can have in your life because
• 23:16
  you have somebody that is, first of all fully invested in listening to you.
• 23:21
  They are, by design, on your side, trying to fix your life with you.
• 23:26
  Like looking at the problems with you and being like, let's go.
• 23:30
  Let's take what I know and let's apply it to what you've got going on and let's figure out how to fix it.
• 23:36
  And I think that is really great.
• 23:38
  I think the other thing that's really great slash really hard is you might say something and be told that the way you're thinking about it is creating the problem.
• 23:47
  Oh, yes.
• 23:48
  Oh, no, that is.
• 23:49
  Yeah, it's.
• 23:52
  But it's also like it, it's.
• 23:54
  I always find it so interesting when you offer such a different perspective than what my brain is telling me and such a different approach to something that my brain is like, that's not what has been happening in my.
• 24:10
  Like what?
• 24:11
  That's totally different than what I'm saying.
• 24:14
  But it gives me another.
• 24:17
  It always has given me another perspective.
• 24:21
  But way to think about it.
• 24:23
  To almost rewire my brain and give clarity and reasoning and be like, okay, brain, you just are being weird.
• 24:32
  How about we think of it like this?
• 24:34
  It's the tools.
• 24:35
  It's the tools and the perspective.
• 24:37
  Yeah.
• 24:38
  When you look at the way that you think now, can you notice the differences in how you think compared to before?
• 24:46
  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 24:47
  I used to always be.
• 24:48
  And I think I mentioned this, this rush, like if I go faster.
• 24:52
  Right.
• 24:53
  And I would just want to do it really quickly and right away and just move into it.
• 24:59
  And now I know if I have that feeling, I know I'm heightened and I have now the opposite reaction where I'm like, no, I either need to give myself the 24 hour rule where I don't respond and I
• 25:14
  don't do anything for 24 hours, or I just need to sit with this for a minute and think about it.
• 25:20
  And more times than not, your voice comes into the back of my head and offers me that alternate perspective.
• 25:28
  But I've always battled that.
• 25:31
  That feeling that I need to rush and I need to go faster.
• 25:34
  I've always.
• 25:35
  I remember it as a kid.
• 25:36
  It's definitely followed me into adulthood.
• 25:39
  And now I can identify it.
• 25:41
  And I know that it now means for me to go slower.
• 25:45
  Yeah, I mean, I think that's really valuable because it's worthwhile noting that we're not trying to change who and how you are.
• 25:53
  And there's certain ways that our brains operate and they operate that way naturally.
• 25:57
  And it doesn't mean that anything's gone wrong at all.
• 26:00
  And so we're not trying to get rid of anything that's inside of you.
• 26:04
  You know, we've talked about this a lot on our coaching calls.
• 26:06
  That, that desire to go faster and to work harder has gotten you where you are.
• 26:14
  It's created a very successful life.
• 26:17
  We just need to create more balance and to be able to create balance.
• 26:23
  This is like how I sort of explain it is I used to teach horseback riding lessons.
• 26:29
  You'll get this.
• 26:29
  Cause you used to ride.
• 26:30
  And so when I would teach lessons, one of the things that you teach people is to keep their heels down.
• 26:36
  And there's a lot of reasons for that.
• 26:38
  It, it puts more leg the horse.
• 26:39
  You have more surface area to be able to control the horse.
• 26:42
  Also your, your feet are not going to go through the stirrups and you're not going to get all hung up.
• 26:45
  And you know that would be painful and awful.
• 26:47
  And so you'll be coaching somebody to ride.
• 26:51
  And I will say to them like, you need to put your heels down.
• 26:53
  And they'll say to me, my heels are down.
• 26:55
  And I'm sure, I'm sure it does feel like their heels are down.
• 26:59
  Like they probably are putting them down more than they've ever done before.
• 27:02
  But I'm like, you need to over exaggerate it.
• 27:06
  Like it needs to feel like you're.
• 27:09
  I don't know what would be something that has their heels down like that.
• 27:12
  But like it just is so weird feeling like your toes are straight up in the air.
• 27:16
  That's how I want it to feel while you're riding.
• 27:18
  And you do need to over exaggerate it to be able to start creating the feeling.
• 27:23
  And I just feel that when it comes to thinking, when it comes to how we see ourselves, when it comes to changing our perspective about things, we have to do way more than we think we do.
• 27:35
  Like we have to go all the way to the other side.
• 27:38
  So that's like for you, why it feels like such a heavy, like slow down, slow down, slow down is because we have to start there.
• 27:45
  It has to be over exaggerated at the beginning in order to create any kind of balance, right?
• 27:53
  Yeah.
• 27:53
  And it did feel like we were over exaggerating some things because it felt very uncomfortable.
• 28:00
  Right.
• 28:01
  I think that's the biggest lesson, don't you, is learning how to sit in discomfort and not.
• 28:06
  Yes.
• 28:07
  That mean anything.
• 28:08
  Yes.
• 28:08
  I would want to run away.
• 28:09
  I would literally want to run away and quit and do like everything opposite and just fold up and go.
• 28:16
  Just close your business.
• 28:17
  Yes, we're good.
• 28:18
  We're done.
• 28:18
  Just forget it.
• 28:19
  I'll just go work for somebody.
• 28:21
  I'll just do corporate.
• 28:22
  Yeah.
• 28:23
  Yeah.
• 28:24
  And it's that.
• 28:24
  And actually that.
• 28:25
  It's.
• 28:26
  It's.
• 28:27
  I've been building my capacity.
• 28:29
  Right.
• 28:30
  Yeah.
• 28:31
  To manage the hard times a little better where it doesn't.
• 28:35
  You know, God forbid an angry client calls.
• 28:38
  In the past, I would.
• 28:41
  That would send me into a tizzy for a day or two.
• 28:44
  I wouldn't be able to handle it.
• 28:45
  I tell myself I'm the worst person in the world.
• 28:48
  We don't know what we're doing.
• 28:50
  Not that we're getting a lot of angry calls, but if somebody does call upset, I now have the capacity to handle it from a little bit of a calmer standpoint and not let it wreck me.
• 29:04
  Yeah.
• 29:05
  Yeah.
• 29:05
  Because what do you make it mean when somebody does that?
• 29:09
  That it's all about me and I'm a terrible person.
• 29:11
  We don't know what we're doing and I'm.
• 29:12
  It.
• 29:12
  Like I'm a failure.
• 29:14
  I'm not perfect.
• 29:16
  Right.
• 29:16
  If I was anything close to not being perfect, that would.
• 29:21
  That's.
• 29:21
  That would be it.
• 29:23
  Yeah.
• 29:23
  What are your thoughts about being perfect now?
• 29:25
  I mean, it's still something I struggle with.
• 29:27
  I think I've always wanted to be perfect.
• 29:29
  I want every installation to be perfect.
• 29:31
  I want product to show up perfectly.
• 29:33
  I want measuring to be perfect.
• 29:34
  I.
• 29:35
  It is something I have.
• 29:36
  I struggle with.
• 29:37
  Right.
• 29:38
  But I know that perfection is just not a thing.
• 29:41
  It's not even attainable.
• 29:43
  There's no such thing.
• 29:44
  Yeah.
• 29:44
  Your brain makes it up.
• 29:46
  Yeah.
• 29:46
  It's just not.
• 29:47
  It's just not.
• 29:48
  It's not capable of being perfect.
• 29:50
  Right.
• 29:50
  It's like, why would I expect my 5 year old to do things perfect?
• 29:53
  Right.
• 29:54
  There's no such thing as learning.
• 29:56
  So.
• 29:57
  Yeah.
• 29:58
  I mean, things come up with the business, like installations and all, or like staffing issues.
• 30:03
  But as long as we.
• 30:05
  I'm able to, like, look at it from a calm manner, maybe not make any rash decisions really quickly, but then just implement something in the future so that we can learn from it and grow from it.
• 30:16
  It's more the standp than needing to be perfect.
• 30:21
  Yeah.
• 30:21
  And I think the other things that you've worked on and we've really worked on together is first of all, that separation of business and self.
• 30:30
  And, you know, whether you're dealing with a business or your child or your partner or extended family, it's something we have to learn is we have to be able to really extrapolate ourselves from what's going on with them
• 30:44
  to be able to approve of and validate ourselves.
• 30:47
  And that we want our evaluation process to be an internal valuation process based on fact and not an external evaluation process based on how other people are thinking, feeling or being.
• 31:00
  Right, Right.
• 31:02
  Yeah.
• 31:03
  Because that's been big.
• 31:04
  Like in business, it's like look at the facts.
• 31:07
  Yeah.
• 31:07
  Because our brain likes to tell us lots of stories that are just not even true and have no, like they have no basis points of anything useful.
• 31:19
  You know, in business it's like I'm having a slow month is something that comes out of most business owners mouths.
• 31:24
  And you and I have talked about that a lot.
• 31:26
  Yeah.
• 31:27
  And the idea that what does that mean?
• 31:30
  Right?
• 31:30
  What does that mean?
• 31:31
  I'm having a slow month.
• 31:32
  What are the numbers?
• 31:33
  And then the fascinating thing is when we don't know.
• 31:36
  Yeah, well, so then like how do.
• 31:38
  We know it's a slow month?
• 31:39
  You don't even know.
• 31:41
  Yeah.
• 31:43
  That is where my brain wants to take me.
• 31:45
  And then you make me look at the facts.
• 31:48
  It happens in relationships too.
• 31:50
  It's like things aren't going well in this relationship.
• 31:52
  What does that mean?
• 31:53
  Right.
• 31:55
  Because we tend to just really, our brains just want so much to be efficient and it wants to just make everything the same and summarize and it just nothing about that is useful when we're trying to create something
• 32:11
  like for you, like when we're trying to create a less slash, no burnout.
• 32:16
  And and I would say you are not burnt out.
• 32:18
  Like we've gotten you to a point where there's no burnout.
• 32:21
  You are not burnt out.
• 32:22
  I am not burnt out.
• 32:24
  And that's to me, I'm like, how do you go from being so burnt out that you can barely hold it together in the car with your husband to not being burnt out at all.
• 32:32
  And having grown your business not only just like, honestly, just revenue wise, although you have grown it revenue wise by quite a lot.
• 32:42
  But grown your business to the point where your husband retired from his day to day job and now works in the business.
• 32:48
  Yeah.
• 32:48
  Yeah.
• 32:49
  That was a big jump.
• 32:50
  Grown your business where your business has grown but you don't work evenings and weekends and you have time to spend with your family and loved ones.
• 32:58
  To me I'm like, that is a result of you being really willing to regulate your nervous system and make it a priority.
• 33:06
  Which listen, if you think you don't have time time, you will never have time.
• 33:10
  And then what will happen is you're just perpetuating that stress cycle and you're just going to live in it.
• 33:14
  And so you learned that lesson first.
• 33:16
  And that's the first thing we implemented then it's the boundaries and it's growing your self concept around your boundaries.
• 33:24
  So like a lot of times people will say to me like, I can't hold a boundary.
• 33:27
  But if you think about like how you used to do boundaries and how I used to do boundaries, it was a lot of like tolerating and expecting other people to abide by my boundaries.
• 33:38
  Like this person won't abide by my boundary.
• 33:40
  And that's not a boundary.
• 33:45
  A boundary is I stop work at 6pm and then whatever's left gets picked up tomorrow at 9am because that's when I start work in the morning.
• 33:55
  Right.
• 33:56
  A boundary is I don't work on the weekends.
• 33:59
  A boundary is I don't take personal stuff in the middle of my workday.
• 34:03
  Those are big things and gotta grow your self confidence concept around those things.
• 34:07
  Because like if you think about not working past 6pm, if you think about not working weekends and just start there, we had to grow your self concept to believe that you could create money and have a healthy business
• 34:20
  and be able to get all your work done in those hours.
• 34:24
  And some of the things we really had to establish was telling yourself the truth.
• 34:29
  Would you agree?
• 34:30
  Yeah, well it's.
• 34:32
  Yeah.
• 34:32
  Which, yeah, I remember many conversations around this which led into planning my day because I had to be truthful about how long some project would take so that I could accurately plan my day and put it in my
• 34:49
  calendar.
• 34:50
  Because I would tell myself, oh, I can do that.
• 34:53
  Yeah, just.
• 34:54
  And I would pile it on and then I would feel the behind and like my to do list would come out and then I'm not crossing enough things off in my day and it would transform the next day.
• 35:06
  And let's talk about the list.
• 35:08
  Oh,.
• 35:11
  Let's talk about the lists.
• 35:12
  I still fight myself on this.
• 35:14
  So many people want so many lists.
• 35:16
  And I'm like, let's talk about lists.
• 35:20
  My to do list would dictate every day and I would have a new to do list every day and I'd have a running to do list.
• 35:28
  I would have, oh, my lists were everywhere.
• 35:31
  They were everywhere.
• 35:32
  And I thought that it was the only way I could keep track of the things that I needed to do.
• 35:37
  Yeah.
• 35:38
  And it's fascinating because so many people believe this and people don't believe me when I'm like, I used to be the queen of lists.
• 35:43
  I had lists for my lists.
• 35:45
  Like there were Lists everywhere.
• 35:47
  Yeah, there were lists, and now I.
• 35:48
  Don't operate with lists.
• 35:50
  And I think that I understand there's nuance here, but it's this running tally list of, oh, yeah, I've got to go to the dry cleaners.
• 35:58
  Oh, yeah, I've got to get that design to that client.
• 36:00
  Oh, yeah, I've got to get, you know, school supplies.
• 36:03
  Oh, yeah, I've got to do this from my mom.
• 36:05
  Oh, I've got to do the laundry.
• 36:07
  And all of a sudden, this list is enormous.
• 36:09
  And your brain reads the list as all of the things being equally as important.
• 36:15
  And also, if you don't get all the things done on the list, it's like, holy shit, we didn't get the list done and we're just adding to the list.
• 36:20
  And like, the list never ends.
• 36:21
  And the next minute, no.
• 36:22
  What are you feeling?
• 36:24
  Well, a panic and I'm behind and I'm not good at this.
• 36:27
  And the list would pop up at 2am Yeah.
• 36:30
  I would literally open my phone at 2am to add to the list.
• 36:33
  Right.
• 36:34
  And it seems important.
• 36:36
  Yeah.
• 36:36
  And so people fight me on this all the time.
• 36:41
  Like, live without.
• 36:42
  What do you mean?
• 36:43
  It doesn't work?
• 36:47
  I can't live without it.
• 36:48
  And then yet you can.
• 36:51
  Because what we did do is we established especially, like, let's look at, like, work, right?
• 36:57
  There's days and times when you do designs and you plan them in and you understand that you only have a limited amount of time to do it.
• 37:06
  So if you're taking on more appointments than you have time to do designs, that is just a problem we need to solve elsewhere.
• 37:14
  So do I need to have more time to be able to do designs?
• 37:17
  And then do I need to start delegating things out so that I can do more of this, or do I just let people know, like, here's my timeline for doing designs.
• 37:26
  I am working two weeks out right now.
• 37:28
  I am working six weeks out right now so that you can start having that system in place and you can just let people know and you let yourself know at the same time.
• 37:38
  And so then you can project.
• 37:40
  Manage that from a place of sustainability because you understand that you are not some magician who can make time.
• 37:48
  I think it's magician.
• 37:49
  And it's also, I was, like, unwilling to actually look at those details and accurately plan my week and my day.
• 37:56
  And this is where I will say, like, it's as a business owner, but as a human, having you consistently in my week, right?
• 38:06
  Like, we meet once a week and having you, like, okay, yes, this is the issue.
• 38:10
  I'm stressed, I'm whatever.
• 38:12
  But you diving into.
• 38:15
  Okay, well, let's break it down, like, okay, let's figure it out.
• 38:19
  And helping me identify.
• 38:22
  Okay, you feel behind, you're using to do lists.
• 38:24
  Okay, well then let's figure out how you plan your day.
• 38:26
  Okay, let's figure out how you plan your week.
• 38:29
  And willing to dive into that with me to help me create the systems.
• 38:33
  Because me, if I'm in my head and trying to do that all by myself, it's just spinning or I'm unwilling to look at it.
• 38:40
  And so then it just perpetuates and it turns in, you know, days and then it goes.
• 38:45
  Right.
• 38:45
  So it's like you understanding, like, okay, my frustrations, my stressors, all the things with my personal life, my business life, and then helping me create a way to navigate that.
• 38:58
  Right.
• 38:58
  Does that make sense?
• 38:59
  It can be such a solitary world in my own head.
• 39:03
  I think that's so true for everyone, you know, especially if you're a thinker.
• 39:07
  Especially if you're a thinker and a doer and so you're trying to do.
• 39:11
  But your thinking is like overrunning your, like, doing.
• 39:14
  And so you're like this and that.
• 39:16
  A lot of like, certain things we worked on was not task switching constantly.
• 39:21
  Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 39:22
  It made me feel like I was ADD and I couldn't focus because my brain would just pop, pop, pop, pop.
• 39:28
  And now I like, I wouldn't even describe myself as ADD these days because I have a plan every week.
• 39:35
  Yeah, I know what to expect.
• 39:36
  Designed by you.
• 39:37
  Designed by.
• 39:38
  I think it's so essential to understand, like, design by you, for you.
• 39:42
  That works for you.
• 39:43
  Yeah, yeah.
• 39:44
  Because also, it's not like you work traditional work days per se.
• 39:48
  You work non traditional work days.
• 39:50
  You're getting, you know, school, it was summer and kids are home and this is happening and extended family is happening and hey, you know what?
• 39:59
  Life is happening.
• 40:00
  Yeah, yeah.
• 40:02
  You know, like in the middle of all of this, people are getting married, babies are being born, people are dying, people are getting sick.
• 40:10
  You're getting sick.
• 40:12
  And so understanding that there's no.
• 40:16
  I said this to a client yesterday because we were just talking about her situation and.
• 40:21
  And she was like, you know, well, I know when this, this, and this is done, then I'll be able to relax.
• 40:26
  And I was like, that is the biggest lie your brain will ever tell you.
• 40:30
  Yeah, it took me a while to understand that.
• 40:31
  But you're.
• 40:32
  Yes.
• 40:33
  Because every time you climb a mountain, there's another peak.
• 40:36
  Which is why my to do list.
• 40:38
  Yes.
• 40:38
  Never made sense.
• 40:40
  It's like, you'll never feel accomplished, you'll never feel satisfied.
• 40:43
  You'll never feel fulfilled.
• 40:45
  Yeah.
• 40:45
  That dopamine hit you're chasing isn't coming, and that's worthwhile noticing.
• 40:51
  And so I just think it's really, really interesting, you know, when you, like, look at.
• 40:56
  The reason why I wanted you to come on this podcast is because I think that you've done a really exceptional job of really working within what works in your life and what doesn't work in your life and making
• 41:08
  it happen.
• 41:09
  And then if it doesn't work the first time, it's like, okay, I'm willing to refigure this out.
• 41:15
  Yeah.
• 41:16
  Willing to keep looking at this until we figure it out.
• 41:18
  Because, listen, for anybody listening, this hasn't been a linear path of success for Annabelle.
• 41:23
  Like, she's gone through her things in her business where she's hired and the hiring has not worked out, and it's been really, really rough, and she's had to, like, basically fire everybody and start over and do it again,
• 41:34
  and she's learning her way of doing things and same things with, like, within her family.
• 41:39
  Here's what works with having, you know, a kid at home, and here's what doesn't.
• 41:43
  And sometimes, in fact, all the time, like, in order for me to work, I do need childcare of some kind.
• 41:48
  It's not.
• 41:49
  We don't work when our kids are home and just hope that we can fit it in the cracks unless we want to go crazy.
• 41:55
  And that's the, like, telling myself the truth.
• 41:57
  Right?
• 41:58
  Yeah.
• 41:58
  And hiring a house cleaner, it's like, yeah, of course you can clean your house.
• 42:02
  There's no doubt on my mind.
• 42:03
  I mean, that's a pretty simple task, right?
• 42:07
  Why do you need to do it?
• 42:08
  And would you rather spend that time when you're wanting to book your clients closer together so you can make more revenue in your business doing something you really like?
• 42:15
  Why would.
• 42:16
  Why wouldn't you spend your energy doing that and spend, you know, 60 bucks an hour to get your house cleaned?
• 42:22
  Exactly.
• 42:23
  Exactly.
• 42:25
  Because then you have a clean house and it's one less thing.
• 42:27
  I mean, that's.
• 42:27
  The other thing is offloading.
• 42:29
  I think one of the things we really worked on was offloading the things that you don't need to carry.
• 42:34
  Yeah.
• 42:35
  Yeah.
• 42:37
  It was like just even talking about the house cleaner, you know, in my brain, I was like, no, I can do it.
• 42:42
  I can fit it in.
• 42:42
  Well, I didn't I couldn't fit it in.
• 42:45
  And then I was resentful when I.
• 42:47
  Was right a hundred percent.
• 42:50
  And, you know, I think the other things are like, giving people their feelings back.
• 42:54
  It's like you're allowed to feel however you need to feel about this.
• 42:58
  Here's based on how I want to show up, how I'm going to approach this.
• 43:02
  Yeah.
• 43:03
  So I'm going to take care of me and my discomfort of like, not people pleasing, of like, not just giving you what you want immediately.
• 43:10
  And I'm going to be like, what do you need versus do I give you what you want?
• 43:15
  I think that's a really big thing.
• 43:17
  A lot of times, whether you're working in business or you're working in your personal life, people want things from you.
• 43:22
  I joke with you.
• 43:23
  I know I've told you this before.
• 43:24
  I'm like, if my clients got what they wanted, I would just be beside them and go everywhere with them and do everything with them.
• 43:32
  That's not what they need.
• 43:36
  They don't need that.
• 43:38
  No.
• 43:39
  And so, like, really understanding that in your business, like, what do these people need?
• 43:42
  Not what do they want, what do they need?
• 43:44
  And what does my schedule allow and what does my energy allow and what can I give you?
• 43:48
  And that happens in your personal life too.
• 43:50
  Like, you know, your family and what they want and what they need and, and how they want you to show up.
• 43:55
  It's like, I know you want that, but here's what I think you actually need.
• 43:58
  And, and this is what I need.
• 43:59
  And what I need is actually gotta take.
• 44:02
  It's gotta take the upper spot in the priority list in order for all of us to be able to get along.
• 44:09
  Yeah.
• 44:10
  I mean, we could talk about this for hours, but my brain's spinning as we wrap up.
• 44:16
  What do you think somebody listening to this podcast needs to hear if they're struggling with some of the things that you were struggling with?
• 44:26
  It's just, it's possible to be happy like it is.
• 44:35
  And this is the.
• 44:38
  This was a gift I gave to myself that was really hard for me to do at first because I was like, oh, I can do it.
• 44:48
  I'm tough, right?
• 44:50
  Yeah, I'm capable.
• 44:52
  I don't need to spend the money on myself like I'm building a business.
• 44:57
  But it's been the best gift to myself, to my husband and to my family.
• 45:03
  My husband loves Wednesdays because he knows it's when we meet.
• 45:07
  I love that.
• 45:09
  And it's working.
• 45:12
  And it's just you provided such a good Sounding board.
• 45:16
  We navigate so many things on a day to day basis and so it's nice to have somebody on my team.
• 45:24
  Yeah, I love that.
• 45:25
  I love being on your team.
• 45:26
  Yeah, I always look forward to our calls together.
• 45:29
  They're my favorite part of that day and so I need you to know that.
• 45:34
  And you know, one thing I did want to say is, is if you do live in the Arkansas area by Annabelle, she can't just go anywhere in the world.
• 45:43
  And you want to get your closets done, you should look her up.
• 45:46
  Do you have a website that they can go to if they want to check you out?
• 45:50
  It's Up Closets of northwest Arkansas.
• 45:53
  Up closetsofnorthwestarkansas.com.
• 45:56
  Yeah, it's yeah, up closets and then it's NW Arkansas.
• 46:01
  Okay.
• 46:02
  I'll put it in the show notes if anybody wants to check it out.
• 46:04
  If you live in the area, Annabelle is a very talented designer and very talented at what she does.
• 46:11
  So, you know, if you are looking, she is the person to go to.
• 46:16
  Yeah, we're the best.
• 46:18
  Thank you so, so much for agreeing to be on the podcast today.
• 46:22
  It means the world to me that you said yes.
• 46:24
  Yeah, I think that's it.
• 46:25
  I think that's all we got.
• 46:26
  Is there anything you want to say before we go?
• 46:28
  No, but just I love you and it's life changing and I'm happy.
• 46:32
  I love you back.
• 46:33
  I found you.
• 46:34
  I'm so happy you did too.
• 46:36
  Okay, bye everyone.
• 46:41
  Thanks so much for listening today.
• 46:43
  If this podcast is helping you, please follow wherever you listen and consider leaving a review.
• 46:48
  It truly helps this community grow and allows me to support more women like you.
• 46:54
  I'm excited to see you back here next week with a brand new episode.
• 46:58
  Until then, take care, friend.