Latest / Bomb Life / Unfiltered: Breaking Free, Part 3 with Melissa & Jen |337

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Unfiltered: Breaking Free, Part 3 with Melissa & Jen |337 · Bomb Life

0:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Hey everyone, welcome to the Bomb Live podcast.
0:04
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm more of a book of your host, and today we have my co-host, JetCortay on, welcome back, Jen.
0:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Yay!
0:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
0:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Fairly.
0:13
[UNKNOWN]: Okay.
0:14
[SPEAKER_01]: We'll grow it in again, Jen.
0:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, whatever.
0:18
[SPEAKER_01]: So this is part three of me cheering, opening up my healing journey with all of you and there's so many reasons why I'm doing this but there's so many reasons why I'm doing part three and I didn't know we'd have three parts.
0:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Did you?
0:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Did you realize that when we filmed?
0:40
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
0:40
[SPEAKER_01]: No, I didn't be there.
0:42
[SPEAKER_00]: No, I thought like it would be just one episode that was a little longer.
0:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
0:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, same.
0:47
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's turns me to three of them, um, you guys your responses have been amazing and then shitty at the same time.
0:56
[SPEAKER_01]: Uh, I've had a lot of people that have just been like, my God, and they're sharing their story and they're like, holy crap.
1:05
[SPEAKER_01]: This sounds like my dad or this sounds like my boyfriend or this is just like my ex boyfriend or this is my husband or oh my god,
1:15
[SPEAKER_01]: The response has been really, really interesting.
1:18
[SPEAKER_01]: And then some of you just totally suck and tell me that I deserved everything.
1:22
[SPEAKER_01]: And people will, yeah, we'll discuss.
1:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, we'll, we'll definitely discuss.
1:29
[SPEAKER_01]: But you know, I think Jen, you had a lot of thoughts on this too of like why we were doing this episode.
1:36
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know, how we're not just putting it out there to be like content and be like,
1:42
[SPEAKER_01]: drama.
1:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we're not doing this for sympathy or, you know, attention or even the numbers or anything.
1:52
[SPEAKER_00]: This is truly to let women know that are in this situation that they can get out and and that if you were in this situation, you can't heal.
2:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, absolutely, that you can heal.
2:07
[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't think people realize either how hard it was for me to share and the trauma and everything that it resurfaced.
2:18
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like, I didn't do this for fucking funsies.
2:21
[SPEAKER_00]: No, no, this has not been fun.
2:23
[SPEAKER_00]: No.
2:25
[SPEAKER_00]: There's been crying in the closet and all of those things, but it is very healing.
2:32
[SPEAKER_00]: So I mean, for that reason, it's a good reason for you to tell it.
2:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
2:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
2:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Very healing.
2:39
[SPEAKER_01]: I do feel like a huge weight has been lifted and then also hearing
2:47
[SPEAKER_01]: And they were realizing things and they have this episode on their few of you, they're like, I shared this immediately to my sister.
2:52
[SPEAKER_01]: She's not going to like it, but she needs to hear it.
2:54
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like that.
2:56
[SPEAKER_01]: That's worth it, too.
2:57
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's been a journey to for my girls.
3:01
[SPEAKER_01]: And the universe doesn't get it wrong.
3:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I bought them the mega marini tickets.
3:06
[SPEAKER_01]: I did it real and it was posting and stuff.
3:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I bought those back in December.
3:11
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, it was their Christmas gift and I'm like, this is what we're going to do.
3:15
[SPEAKER_01]: And that concert was at the end of the two weeks when it was really hard.
3:19
[SPEAKER_01]: And we just needed to be girls and have fun and get away.
3:22
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was like, what our soul needed.
3:24
[SPEAKER_00]: So like, the universe just doesn't get it wrong.
3:27
[SPEAKER_00]: No, because we totally didn't plan when this was going to happen.
3:30
[SPEAKER_00]: You've been carrying this around like,
3:32
[SPEAKER_00]: secret.
3:33
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, like this is not about yourself that you couldn't fully talk about because you hadn't told the whole story.
3:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
3:40
[SPEAKER_00]: And, and it was finally like, okay, it's time.
3:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
3:43
[SPEAKER_00]: It's time.
3:44
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm ready.
3:45
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I'm ready to rip that Benade off and share this experience.
3:49
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm strong enough now to take the negativity that may come with it.
3:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
3:55
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, we've worried about him reaching out
3:58
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, so there's like all these aspects that come with it that you have to be Hild enough to be able to handle that because you couldn't have done this in the beginning.
4:08
[SPEAKER_00]: No, no way.
4:08
[SPEAKER_00]: You could have already done it.
4:10
[SPEAKER_01]: No, I, yeah, I was definitely had to work my way up to doing this and then you and I started these unfiltered episodes and I'm like, this is this is it.
4:18
[SPEAKER_01]: This is the place to do it and to do it on and
4:22
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, this part 3 2 going back and listening to part 1 and part 2 and we have to listen to it for edits and then, you know, like not just when it airs like we have to listen before and it part 2 took me like I think what I tell like five or six different times listening to it to get through and the one thing and we put it in the outro of part 2 but this this is so important for me to make clear.
4:48
[SPEAKER_01]: I wasn't never charged with anything you guys.
4:51
[SPEAKER_00]: I did say we totally forgot that.
4:54
[SPEAKER_00]: We just went like brain Yeah, or just like getting like at the end
5:00
[SPEAKER_01]: They were like, wait a minute, wait a minute, absolutely.
5:03
[SPEAKER_01]: So I was never charged with any felony domestic violence or anything like that.
5:09
[SPEAKER_01]: It was dropped the next day.
5:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, all of that needed to be said.
5:14
[SPEAKER_01]: I am not a felon.
5:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, she doesn't have a criminal record.
5:20
[SPEAKER_01]: No criminal record.
5:22
[SPEAKER_01]: No, no, that was my kid was like, so did you say that you didn't get charged with anything?
5:26
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, yeah, yeah.
5:28
[SPEAKER_00]: No, no, no, I think we just, it was so hard and it was so long and we'd been recording for a couple of hours and it was like, we're done man, you know, I mean, even when I was editing part one was not great, but part two, like I ended up doing that on a Saturday, just so I didn't have to deal with anything else and just kind of like check out and I like edited it in part, you know, it was really hard.
5:58
[SPEAKER_01]: know, and for people that are like, oh, you just, you know, she did lots of ratings and I'm like, you have no idea what we went through to even get this out.
6:06
[SPEAKER_01]: So no, let's keep talking about like legal stuff because we had a couple of questions that came in that I think are really important.
6:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think um, start with the restraining order like, okay, what, like, yeah, because so somebody asked you why didn't you follow through the restraining order and yeah,
6:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, or like why didn't you get one if you were really that scared.
6:31
[SPEAKER_01]: So I did.
6:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Again, another part that I forgot or we just didn't bring up.
6:36
[SPEAKER_01]: I went to the courthouse.
6:39
[SPEAKER_01]: My friend took me.
6:40
[SPEAKER_01]: I think I might even went right after seeing the doctor.
6:43
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know how I think I did.
6:45
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it was around that time frame.
6:47
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't remember because the same person took me to the courthouse and we went there.
6:51
[SPEAKER_01]: We got everything there.
6:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Like you can actually can do everything online.
6:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you have photos and all of that, you can submit it the same time.
6:58
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, oh, okay.
7:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, I do.
7:00
[SPEAKER_01]: So we were going to go home and do it.
7:03
[SPEAKER_01]: And then by this time my brain had started working and I'm like, oh, I know this lawyer or I know this person that I could talk to and I had a criminal lawyer now and.
7:15
[SPEAKER_01]: I would start talking to friends and I'm like, yeah, I think this is what I need.
7:18
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, I'm literally terrified.
7:20
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't go anywhere and I'm like, is he going to show up?
7:22
[SPEAKER_01]: What's going to happen?
7:24
[SPEAKER_01]: And they had said, well, if you're going to get a strainer, this woman where our dog knows like, if you're going to get a restraining order, he's like, is he going to contest it?
7:33
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, properly.
7:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely, she totally would have narcissists don't admit that they're ever wrong.
7:43
[SPEAKER_00]: And they will fight you.
7:46
[SPEAKER_00]: held the end of time to make you look like the bad person.
7:50
[SPEAKER_00]: It would have just been more abuse and more trauma and more heartache for you to do that.
7:58
[SPEAKER_00]: And people don't understand that.
8:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Or also, you know, in a piece of paper, let's be real, it doesn't save anybody.
8:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, it doesn't save anybody.
8:06
[SPEAKER_00]: This guy to him would have just been more attention.
8:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like too, probably.
8:11
[SPEAKER_00]: And just carried it on even further,
8:16
[SPEAKER_00]: A piece of paper is not going to stop anybody that wants to do something to you anyways.
8:21
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not saying that there's not a time and place or them.
8:26
[SPEAKER_00]: I think with the right people, the right circumstances that getting a restraining order will keep somebody away.
8:38
[SPEAKER_00]: that is smart enough to accept that they did something wrong and be scared enough to have something happen to them, like go to jail or anything like that.
8:48
[SPEAKER_00]: But somebody like this can admit that they've done anything wrong or no.
8:55
[SPEAKER_00]: And at this one's to win?
8:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
8:58
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, I think it would have just fueled him even more.
9:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Some people just make some angrier.
9:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
9:04
[SPEAKER_01]: And at this point, he had already come and taken my car.
9:07
[SPEAKER_01]: So that we already saw what he was.
9:10
[SPEAKER_01]: We already saw that there was like no remorse or like whatever.
9:13
[SPEAKER_01]: So we already saw that.
9:15
[SPEAKER_01]: And this lawyer that I talked to and I was like, I'm gonna get this and he's like, well, do you think it'll fight it?
9:19
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, yeah, he has a ton of guns.
9:22
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you have restraining order, they will take all of your guns.
9:24
[SPEAKER_01]: You can't, you cannot have guns and have a restraining order.
9:28
[SPEAKER_01]: that he would fight at.
9:30
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to get them that up.
9:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to fight this bitch, you know, and they said, well, if that happens, you will then have to face in court, which I'm like, okay, that's kind of fucked up, and you have to be prepared for essentially a mini trial.
9:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Because, and then he's like, do you know the verbage of what to say when, you know, if you're defending yourself, because he will, if he's contesting it, he will show up with a lawyer.
9:53
[SPEAKER_01]: He's like, so you'll better be prepared to have a lawyer.
9:55
[SPEAKER_01]: And do you know what to say?
9:56
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, well, no, and
9:59
[SPEAKER_01]: and then you'd have to hire a lawyer to show up and that's more money to get a restrained mortar, not even mentioning the fact that you have to face him again.
10:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
10:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, which is a little absolute last thing that you want to do.
10:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
10:12
[SPEAKER_01]: And then then more money and spend more money and like, yeah, it's really shitty as he's like, you actually kind of just look like you're just getting one because you were the one arrested.
10:23
[SPEAKER_01]: He's like, your case doesn't even help you.
10:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Your case actually hurts you even more.
10:29
[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't look good.
10:29
[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't look good on your end at all.
10:32
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, yeah, well, this is fucking fantastic.
10:35
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's, I just ended up like, I'm just gonna let it go.
10:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I'm just gonna let that part go.
10:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, if he, I remember you decided like, okay, I'm gonna let it go for now.
10:47
[SPEAKER_00]: It wasn't completely off the table, but it was like, if he does show up at the gym, if he is harassing me, if he is not leaving me alone, if it gets to a point where, you know, he does start behaving in a certain way, then okay.
11:05
[SPEAKER_00]: we'll take a look at this again.
11:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, absolutely.
11:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, the other question that we got was people asking like, why didn't you go after him for your car?
11:18
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, that's why I'm pushing it.
11:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Why not take them to civil court for the car, your pain and suffering, everything that you went through.
11:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that was not an easy choice.
11:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, and I had,
11:32
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, people lined up that were like, we'll take this.
11:36
[SPEAKER_01]: You go after it for everything, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
11:38
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, every time I have to talk to you guys, I'm reliving it.
11:43
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm going to throw it again.
11:44
[SPEAKER_01]: And I have to keep telling the story.
11:46
[SPEAKER_01]: And Jen, I couldn't even imagine facing him again.
11:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
11:51
[SPEAKER_01]: No, not back then.
11:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Everyone had an opinion on that.
11:54
[SPEAKER_01]: The few people that I did share it with it was like some were like, go after him and then others were like, it's not worth it.
12:02
[SPEAKER_01]: It was so divided and I was like, well, yeah, I know I was really angry in the beginning.
12:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Obviously, and I was like, that guy.
12:10
[SPEAKER_01]: you're going to fucking take him for all the time you've missed for work for this for that.
12:14
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and I wasn't I'm not alone in it either.
12:16
[SPEAKER_01]: I got to remember there's three other females involved in this and at that point, you know, they were okay with just like we just want to be done.
12:26
[SPEAKER_01]: We don't want we just I agree with you now, you know, and I had to like take that into consideration, too.
12:31
[SPEAKER_01]: But if I was like we're going to fight, they'd be like, okay,
12:35
[SPEAKER_00]: you know, but I don't know.
12:37
[SPEAKER_01]: And then my daughter was not to testify.
12:38
[SPEAKER_01]: It was just like, and she didn't want to talk about it anymore.
12:42
[SPEAKER_01]: It was just going to be a match.
12:43
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, I decided to just like let Karma do its thing.
12:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yeah, I'll pay.
12:50
[SPEAKER_00]: So sent you were just like talking about, you know, your daughter's being involved in everything like that.
12:57
[SPEAKER_00]: One of the questions that somebody asked was,
13:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Like why was your daughter even there?
13:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Mike, how could you put your daughter in that situation?
13:08
[SPEAKER_00]: They can't believe it.
13:09
[SPEAKER_01]: You did that.
13:11
[SPEAKER_01]: That one, that was like so hard.
13:13
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, well, didn't you listen to the episode once?
13:17
[SPEAKER_01]: I kind of explained how that all happened and everything, but I can understand someone just being like listening or seeing like one of the captions we put out there or something and being.
13:25
[SPEAKER_01]: How could you even have your kid involved in that?
13:26
[SPEAKER_01]: How could you even have her there and I you have to remember I didn't know everything was cordial.
13:34
[SPEAKER_01]: as cordial as it could be.
13:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
13:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Up into that point, we were texting, I'm on my way.
13:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, great.
13:40
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I'm going to go take my kid here.
13:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Awesome.
13:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll be there at this time.
13:44
[SPEAKER_01]: I got all your stuff.
13:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
13:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Awesome.
13:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Everything was cordial.
13:47
[SPEAKER_01]: I did not know or think in a million years that I was going into a dangerous situation.
13:52
[SPEAKER_01]: If I had, I would have never had my kid there.
13:55
[SPEAKER_00]: You would have never gone.
13:57
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, not without the police like we discussed.
14:00
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, it's like, and she's an adult,
14:03
[SPEAKER_00]: And she wasn't having a dull boyfriend up with her, so she wasn't alone, they were driving separate vehicle.
14:11
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, it made sense out the time.
14:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
14:15
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I wouldn't have done anything.
14:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Someone else had written, and I know you and I have talked about this before too.
14:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Someone else had said, like, what would have happened?
14:27
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, you and I were like, what would have happened if she wasn't there.
14:31
[SPEAKER_01]: And in the episode, we talked about how when we first got there, they were following me, and she was like, I've got to go to the bathroom.
14:37
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, just go somewhere.
14:39
[SPEAKER_01]: You're not coming in to be like two seconds.
14:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, what would have happened if we just all three of us would have went up to the door, and he had this plan in place, because he didn't know she was coming.
14:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Mm-hmm.
14:51
[SPEAKER_01]: You know.
14:52
[SPEAKER_01]: like hurt, I don't know, we can go back and forth of all like what would of should of, you know, could have happened, that stuff.
14:58
[SPEAKER_00]: But, and people could judge you for what you did, whatever.
15:01
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, it's, in my opinion, the people that are like judging you, like you had the person that wrote and said that this was so not appropriate for you to share this.
15:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Like this is too much for you to share and you need to rethink like your content or whatever.
15:21
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's like, okay, number one, this is what podcasts are for, okay, lately.
15:28
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you don't like it, move on.
15:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, move the fuck along.
15:33
[SPEAKER_00]: If this doesn't resonate with you, you have freedom to just
15:38
[SPEAKER_00]: go away, but I, you know, and I hate to like try and analyze people, but I can't help it because it makes you think like why did that person feel the need to reach out to you and tell you this, right?
15:52
[SPEAKER_00]: And to me, and I told you this when you texted me that people are fucking weird,
16:01
[SPEAKER_00]: this is their own shit.
16:03
[SPEAKER_00]: I think so too.
16:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Like that lady, you triggered something in inside of her.
16:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Like it sounded like such a boomer thing to say, you know, yes, I'm guessing that that is her generation to the generational thing too, because my mom is always like, you talk
16:22
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, you know, because I have relationships with my sons too, you know, that are adults, all adults.
16:29
[SPEAKER_00]: And we talk about everything.
16:32
[SPEAKER_00]: And my mom just is, you know, you guys talk about that.
16:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
16:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we talk about that.
16:39
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a different generation.
16:41
[SPEAKER_00]: We don't.
16:42
[SPEAKER_00]: need to hide these things and that's how you break generational curses right right is by being open and by sharing those things and.
16:53
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, my mom will yell at me sometimes and be like, yes, she literally used yelled at me and said, you don't know everything.
16:59
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't know everything about me.
17:02
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, and it's like, well, that's on you.
17:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Right, that's not my fault.
17:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Exactly, because you don't share.
17:08
[SPEAKER_00]: So I feel like the people that came to you and said that is a generational thing.
17:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
17:12
[SPEAKER_00]: And a dumb thing.
17:13
[SPEAKER_00]: It is not even about you.
17:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
17:16
[SPEAKER_00]: You triggered something with the NEM.
17:19
[SPEAKER_00]: But hopefully they took something away from it.
17:24
[SPEAKER_00]: They took something away from that because that was the entire point of this is for somebody take something away from it, whether they're in it, whether they're going to be in it, whether they've had it happen and it's an advantage.
17:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's like you don't even get it and end.
17:46
[SPEAKER_00]: know he can't avoid these situations, you know, but it's ridiculous for people to tell you like not to talk about it or not to share it.
17:53
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I think they're just maybe they're so sheltered too that they're like like you said the generous and thing like she's never heard such a thing before.
18:01
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't like a mail.
18:02
[SPEAKER_00]: I remember what we were talking, you know, like when all this was going on here, like I'm sorry, I'm like totally.
18:09
[SPEAKER_00]: trauma dumping on you and I'm probably triggering you too and and I'm sorry, you know, and I I feel like, um, I don't know what you said something like you basically feel like an asshole because I'm going through my own shit right now.
18:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
18:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Anybody that's watching this or possibly hearing me spit on myself.
18:28
[SPEAKER_00]: I have braces and I ended up having to get braces because of the trauma that happened to my jaw from, you know, the person that attacked me.
18:39
[SPEAKER_00]: And anyways, my point in this is that you carry around a lot of shit and and when you brought this up and I said it's okay, you know, yes, I am going through this myself, which is bringing up a lot of things for me, you know, having the braces, but thankfully, I don't have to have jaw surgery or anything like that, but, um,
19:03
[SPEAKER_00]: you told me that you felt bad, you know, that my situation was so worse, you thought.
19:10
[SPEAKER_00]: And while it was for a physical standpoint, absolutely so much worse, what I said to you though was I feel like what makes your situation worse, and I was like, no, the person that did this to me was a stranger.
19:24
[SPEAKER_00]: They didn't know me.
19:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Your guy was the
19:30
[SPEAKER_00]: That's like a epic trail.
19:33
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that's staying fucking far worse than anything.
19:36
[SPEAKER_00]: You trusted this person, you loved this person, you expected to live a life with this person, right?
19:42
[SPEAKER_00]: This guy didn't fucking know me from anybody.
19:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
19:45
[SPEAKER_00]: He was just, you know, messed out of his fucking mind.
19:49
[SPEAKER_00]: And...
19:51
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, did a really bad thing.
19:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Your guy was supposed to have loved you.
19:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
19:56
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, and someone else had said, like, how could you buy a car and not check the title or make sure your name was on it?
20:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, stupid.
20:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Like someone was like saying like that.
20:04
[SPEAKER_01]: And to your point, like,
20:07
[SPEAKER_01]: I thought we were together.
20:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I brought you tested him.
20:11
[SPEAKER_00]: It would never do anything to meet him.
20:12
[SPEAKER_00]: He wasn't a stranger.
20:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, what is some person off of like Facebook marketplace?
20:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, exactly.
20:21
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean?
20:22
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, hello.
20:23
[SPEAKER_00]: This was your boyfriend.
20:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
20:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I talked about.
20:28
[SPEAKER_00]: moving in, take out their, and you shared your lives.
20:31
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm like, my bed, like everything, everything.
20:35
[SPEAKER_01]: He's not gonna hurt me.
20:36
[SPEAKER_01]: He's not gonna do me dirty, like, well, yeah.
20:40
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I hate saying this, but at the same time, I hate warning women and always like saying, like, hey, make your own money, be your own boss, give yourself your own choices, like, but it's so true, we do, and it's like,
20:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you love and date these men or we marry them and stuff, but at the same time make sure you're good on your own.
21:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Make sure like that just in case and I hate saying that, like I hate saying, but just in case, because it's almost like you're holding on to, I don't know, my mind, I'm like holding on to negative energy and I'm like setting myself up for us to end or whatever, like, I don't know.
21:27
[SPEAKER_00]: The whole thing is the twos, it's like in some weird fucked up way and people can say that I'm like woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo.
21:36
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't think you were meant to have the car.
21:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Would you have even wanted the fucking car?
21:40
[SPEAKER_00]: No.
21:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, at the end of the day, it's the principle from the money point of view, but fuck him.
21:44
[SPEAKER_00]: And fuck that car, enjoy it, you know, go do whatever the fuck you want, rip off an expage, like whatever.
21:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, people just aren't going to get that.
21:54
[SPEAKER_00]: And but thankfully for you, you,
21:59
[SPEAKER_00]: had work card.
22:01
[SPEAKER_00]: And so yeah, some people that would have totally fucked over and they wouldn't have been able to go out and get another car.
22:08
[SPEAKER_00]: But hey, you know, for people that don't know, me and Melissa drive the exact same fucking car.
22:15
[SPEAKER_01]: So we're all that happened too.
22:17
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, I just bought my card and that happened with you and I was like, oh, you gotta go.
22:21
[SPEAKER_00]: They've got this like killer like credit that you can get and they have this lease and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and I'm like, trust me, trust me, trust me, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and yeah, we ended up with the same as that fucking car.
22:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Same color, same color, everything.
22:37
[SPEAKER_00]: I know, so funny.
22:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Years just housed like 10,000 literally more miles on it than mine.
22:42
[SPEAKER_01]: How many miles does your car have about it now?
22:47
[SPEAKER_01]: My God, and 20 is the least period.
22:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, no, yeah, I'll do that.
22:53
[SPEAKER_01]: You need to, yeah, that's probably a good idea.
22:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Mine only has 2,100 miles on it.
22:59
[SPEAKER_00]: And I've had it for, I've had it for like how much longer than you.
23:05
[SPEAKER_00]: So funny.
23:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Can we do some research or like six months longer than you?
23:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
23:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's so funny.
23:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god.
23:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but you're not running around three crazy kids and driving for the LA.
23:15
[SPEAKER_00]: No, and I walked to the gym.
23:17
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, you know what I mean?
23:19
[SPEAKER_00]: I like walk to the gym and walk home.
23:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so it's I sometimes I'll drive, but rarely do I drive it's literally.
23:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's so fun.
23:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
23:27
[SPEAKER_00]: No, I'm definitely like home.
23:29
[SPEAKER_00]: more than you.
23:31
[SPEAKER_00]: And you're always going back fortalee.
23:33
[SPEAKER_00]: But anyways, yeah, I digress.
23:37
[SPEAKER_00]: I digress.
23:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Someone had asked, um, one of the, one of the messages do you think you really loved you?
23:46
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think this was from a young lady male, Jan, oh my god, the amount of young females.
23:54
[SPEAKER_01]: And I know it's because a lot of people listen and follow because of my daughters and they all have different age range and stuff.
24:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Jan, the amount of women and young girls that messaged and said, like, oh my god, I'm listening to this in tears.
24:07
[SPEAKER_01]: This literally reminds me of my own boyfriend.
24:10
[SPEAKER_01]: or I currently in this, or I just broke up with a guy and he was doing this.
24:15
[SPEAKER_01]: And someone said, like, I just wonder if this is going to happen to me if we stay on the same path and stuff.
24:22
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I know this came from one of them, like, do you think you really loved you?
24:25
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm just like, it breaks my heart.
24:27
[SPEAKER_01]: How many people are accepting and putting up with this behavior?
24:30
[SPEAKER_01]: And they don't see the red flags like what this could turn into.
24:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, and it's like, what does it matter if he loved you?
24:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Right, I think I mean, asking it to like make, I don't know somehow make it.
24:47
[SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't matter if you know what I mean, it's like on the other day, it doesn't matter.
24:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Narcissists don't love.
24:54
[SPEAKER_00]: They don't love like we love anyway.
24:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, they are about control and, you know, having like being able to get that energy from you and that.
25:05
[SPEAKER_00]: draw my toxicity and like all that shit and it's like at the end of the day doesn't fucking matter like even if this guy is capable of love right it doesn't matter I mean you loved him and yeah it really doesn't even matter no it doesn't matter and and I remember my ex fuckboy like literally saying but I love you and I'm like
25:31
[SPEAKER_00]: doesn't fucking matter.
25:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Love doesn't carry people through.
25:36
[SPEAKER_00]: You can love people till the end of the fucking earth and it doesn't change.
25:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Who they are, what they do, you love me.
25:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, you love me, but you cheated on me.
25:46
[SPEAKER_00]: You love me, but you took advantage of me every fucking possible time that you fucking could and prayed on me when I was vulnerable.
25:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Fuck you.
25:53
[SPEAKER_00]: No.
25:54
[SPEAKER_00]: So,
25:56
[SPEAKER_00]: I guess she's asking, and it makes sense that came from somebody that's young because I think that we think love is so important when we're younger, you know, it's like there's so much more that goes into, yeah, but I love him.
26:11
[SPEAKER_00]: No, it really, it doesn't, it's not enough.
26:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Love is not enough.
26:18
[SPEAKER_00]: No, it is absolutely not enough.
26:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Do I think you loved you?
26:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, in his way, in his way.
26:26
[SPEAKER_00]: And the reason I think that he did, why say that is because of his reaction.
26:32
[SPEAKER_00]: That is somebody that completely,
26:36
[SPEAKER_00]: was freaking the fuck out because they were losing you and they knew it and so yeah, you know, but again, their love is not the way mean you love.
26:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
26:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Not even fucking close.
26:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Not even close.
26:51
[SPEAKER_01]: No.
26:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, just to reiterate this one, they said, I don't understand why you were the one arrested.
26:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And I, I get that there was a lot happening in the episode in tears and it was explaining a
27:07
[SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, dumbass cops, newbie rookie fucking cops, Melissa and shock didn't say the right things.
27:19
[SPEAKER_00]: manipulator piece of shit that was painting an entirely different story.
27:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and making you look like you did something wrong.
27:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
27:27
[SPEAKER_01]: And failure on 911.
27:29
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
27:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I said, I think I said it in the episode 911 should have been saying.
27:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, just matching everything to them.
27:37
[SPEAKER_01]: And I forgot about this too, Jen.
27:39
[SPEAKER_01]: The security guard called 911.
27:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yeah.
27:43
[SPEAKER_01]: When we were there.
27:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, not that I liked to torment myself, but I went back and I watched the videos after we recorded that my daughter took of that night and it was, yeah, it was a lot and I heard the security guard on 911 in the video.
28:01
[SPEAKER_01]: And he's literally telling the security guard, yes, now the females on the ground, the male is on top of her.
28:08
[SPEAKER_01]: He, he is now, yeah, he is now picking her up like you can hear him telling the 911 operator this.
28:15
[SPEAKER_01]: So why was that not dispatch?
28:16
[SPEAKER_01]: So all of this is, is why I got arrested, I guess?
28:20
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know, and, and the, but the main thing was, yeah.
28:23
[SPEAKER_01]: when they got there because I was crying and in shock, I didn't say, I'm hurt.
28:28
[SPEAKER_01]: He hurt me.
28:29
[SPEAKER_01]: I was afraid for my life.
28:31
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what you were saying.
28:33
[SPEAKER_00]: It was failure to communicate all the way around all the way around, all the way around, like literally all the way around unless you were
28:44
[SPEAKER_01]: So funny when you call that.
28:46
[SPEAKER_01]: I know it just yeah, so again, and take from this you guys like put this information in the back of your head and hopefully you never have to pull from it, but if you are ever in this position or your.
28:59
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, you've adult children and they're, you know, something like let them know like hey, I heard this episode this one time.
29:05
[SPEAKER_01]: This is what happened.
29:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't let this happen to you a friend, a sister.
29:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, even and we're not dismissing like by gender either this, you know, you need for like men.
29:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, there's obviously women that are physically abusive and and do things.
29:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
29:22
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, and men don't expect that to happen and men don't come forward.
29:26
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a whole other topic because they're embarrassed, you know, unless you're a piece of shit and you're lying about it.
29:32
[SPEAKER_00]: I know.
29:33
[SPEAKER_00]: I know, but, you know, it's sad at a lot of the times victims are the people that end up either not doing anything about it because you're so traumatized by what happened.
29:49
[SPEAKER_00]: or you just don't want to open up and talk about it.
29:52
[SPEAKER_00]: And so you carry that shit around with you all the time.
29:56
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's not healthy either, no.
30:01
[SPEAKER_01]: The other one was, why didn't you defend yourself?
30:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I've seen, and I know they're trying to be nice and they're like, I've seen your videos.
30:07
[SPEAKER_01]: I know you know how to fight.
30:11
[SPEAKER_01]: That was hard.
30:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, and I, oh, yeah, I missed that question about my assault.
30:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
30:17
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's like, it's so easy to ask these questions when you're on the outside and not living it.
30:23
[SPEAKER_01]: And like, but I look back at it now.
30:27
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, what the fuck would have happened if I would have fought back and tried to take him
30:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, exactly.
30:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Remember one, it doesn't matter.
30:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, he was strong, but he was bigger than you.
30:48
[SPEAKER_00]: He's a stronger than you.
30:51
[SPEAKER_00]: And he had rage inside of him.
30:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Y'all that will make
30:59
[SPEAKER_00]: fucking men like, you know, yes, a Hulk, yes.
31:02
[SPEAKER_00]: And testosterone, you know, and a little sociopathic psychotic bullshit, you know, like these are all things that we could ever get ourselves to that point, basically.
31:16
[SPEAKER_00]: And so yeah, you would absolutely have just probably gotten pummeled
31:24
[SPEAKER_01]: far worse and I probably would have gotten charged.
31:28
[SPEAKER_01]: They wouldn't have dropped it.
31:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yeah, it would have had to work double time.
31:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I'm not saying lay down and just take it, but like, I was defending myself.
31:35
[SPEAKER_01]: So I didn't get ready to get away.
31:37
[SPEAKER_01]: I was trying to get away.
31:37
[SPEAKER_01]: I was trying to survive.
31:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Exactly.
31:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I was not exactly.
31:41
[SPEAKER_01]: It was exactly fighting back.
31:43
[SPEAKER_01]: It wasn't like that.
31:44
[SPEAKER_00]: But no, but it's hard not to have guilt from that, though.
31:47
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean, like, in some ways, like, oh, okay, you know, maybe I should have done this,
31:54
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I know in my mind I shut down enough during my assault.
31:59
[SPEAKER_00]: My son was upstairs sleeping.
32:03
[SPEAKER_00]: He was young and my dog was in the backyard looking through the sliding glass doors and she was barking going crazy and I thought he's going to fucking kill me, kill my dog, and kill my son.
32:20
[SPEAKER_00]: And at that point, it was about, get it fucking over with.
32:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Lay here, fucking take it.
32:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Be as quiet as you fucking can because if you wake up your son and he comes down those stairs and this guy knows that your son's home.
32:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Because he, at that point, he didn't know that there was a little boy upstairs sleeping.
32:42
[SPEAKER_00]: And so in my mind, I was taking all of that to protect myself, but it took me a really long time to forgive myself for that.
32:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
32:53
[SPEAKER_00]: And to...
32:57
[SPEAKER_00]: not stop and think and or do even realize why like why shut down?
33:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Why I did that?
33:02
[SPEAKER_00]: What was even what was my brain thinking?
33:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Took me a long time.
33:06
[SPEAKER_00]: A lot of EMDR.
33:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
33:08
[SPEAKER_00]: And you might at some point realize without even thinking about it subconsciously, you probably were protecting your daughter.
33:17
[SPEAKER_00]: because if he would have beat you further or got angry further, who knows who is going to be next, right, on that list, right, because he was just raging, um, raging.
33:33
[SPEAKER_00]: And people that have not been in that situation, I don't think understand what that's like.
33:39
[SPEAKER_00]: And in that moment, you're just, you're there to fucking survive.
33:43
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, sadly, you're not going to stop a man from doing what they want to do.
33:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Nope.
33:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Nope.
33:51
[SPEAKER_01]: I think it all just, it worked how it needed to work out.
33:54
[SPEAKER_01]: End.
33:56
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I, you know, I protected myself enough.
33:59
[SPEAKER_01]: I wasn't fighting back.
34:00
[SPEAKER_01]: And I just, yeah, and for me, I just feel like I protected my son and my dog facilities that sound, you know, if I'm out in a dark alleyway with three girls and I can fight and defend myself or someone jumps me or I'm at a studio.
34:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yeah, they're going after them.
34:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yeah, if they would have went after you know my son, if my son would have come down,
34:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
34:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Whole other bulb.
34:26
[SPEAKER_00]: I would have been able to run to the other room and get my pistol and I would have killed this guy.
34:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Sorry, you know, yeah, if that pisses somebody off.
34:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, gone on there.
34:37
[SPEAKER_00]: And yeah, I would have totally defended.
34:40
[SPEAKER_00]: my child and myself at that point and trust me, it was going through my mind.
34:45
[SPEAKER_00]: How can I get my gun?
34:48
[SPEAKER_00]: How can I get to my go?
34:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, there was no way for me to get to it.
34:51
[SPEAKER_00]: It just all happened in my entryway of my home.
34:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Just do it all.
34:56
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, exactly.
34:57
[SPEAKER_00]: If you're in a different situation, right?
35:00
[SPEAKER_00]: But I also think you're in a situation where you're with somebody that
35:05
[SPEAKER_00]: you know.
35:06
[SPEAKER_00]: And you're still in your brain going, why is he doing this to me?
35:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I can't believe he's doing this to me.
35:13
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, this is me.
35:17
[SPEAKER_00]: I was just like completely shut down.
35:20
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, oh, like completely fucking outer body shut the fuck down, like, right, I want to live.
35:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
35:28
[SPEAKER_00]: And I barely did.
35:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
35:30
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's.
35:32
[SPEAKER_00]: People are fucked up and we can't gauge what people are going to do.
35:36
[SPEAKER_00]: People are your supposed trust, whether they're a contractor coming into your home, whether they're your boyfriend, whether they're somebody you've walked down the street and said high to 20 times, you know, at the gym on a walk, you know, I'm always correcting my kids too when they say, but you know him, right, or you know her, or we know them, and I'm like,
35:57
[SPEAKER_01]: We don't know Jack shit about them.
35:59
[SPEAKER_01]: No, just because they are your coach or trust nobody.
36:04
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, doesn't mean you need to be paranoid.
36:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
36:07
[SPEAKER_00]: But you always need to be on the alert.
36:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Just like Patrick brought up on that episode.
36:11
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think people really need to go back and listen to that episode.
36:15
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll put it in the show notes.
36:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, because it is so important, you know, to be able in these different situations.
36:23
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't think you could have changed anything that happened in yours.
36:26
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't think that I could change anything that happened in mind.
36:29
[SPEAKER_00]: But I know that people can learn from this for the future.
36:33
[SPEAKER_00]: I just think we have to be hyper aware, but sometimes, as women, sometimes we don't want men to look at us and be like, oh, she's a stuck up bitch or like whatever blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, and so, but at the same time, we have to protect ourselves.
36:48
[SPEAKER_01]: I know.
36:48
[SPEAKER_00]: And we can't be overly friendly because then men think that we're fucking flirting with them.
36:52
[SPEAKER_01]: I know.
36:53
[SPEAKER_01]: It's such a crazy balance.
36:56
[SPEAKER_00]: I can imagine, I don't know how you do it with three daughters.
36:59
[SPEAKER_00]: That is definitely like being able to teach them.
37:02
[SPEAKER_00]: You know that balance of things, you know, I have boys and totally different girls that so fucked up.
37:11
[SPEAKER_01]: It's we went to that concert.
37:14
[SPEAKER_01]: This kind of like it's.
37:16
[SPEAKER_01]: a long line but not um we went to the concert and it's in LA LA is so bad like you know how like that what was his name um Spencer Pratt was like running for mayor and it was like a big oh yeah he was like was cleaning up a homeless and like it's a really big deal like why are we fucking ignoring this and not yeah he's right
37:35
[SPEAKER_01]: and then you, the crypto arena, the parking is fucking like a mile away.
37:42
[SPEAKER_01]: And oh my god, who buy these tickets and you buy the parking and you're like, hey, you know, whatever, and then you're like,
37:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Did you ever stop to think that you're a female with three other females in like gene shorts and crop tops and shit and I like really got a little paranoid about that it was so bad gen we got out and I told them like no there is no one else around us like you have to be aware we walk out and we're automatically dumped out of the part and cried in a fucking alley and then I'm like and then we get out and we get under the streets about way.
38:16
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's bad.
38:17
[SPEAKER_01]: There is homeless.
38:18
[SPEAKER_01]: There are just men standing around.
38:20
[SPEAKER_01]: People coming out of stores and everyone is looking at us and my one was like.
38:27
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't feel safe right now.
38:28
[SPEAKER_01]: She's like, we don't even have someone so with us.
38:31
[SPEAKER_01]: And then she's like, yeah.
38:33
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm sitting in there and I'm like, just walk fast.
38:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't look at anyone.
38:36
[SPEAKER_01]: And they're like, how far it is.
38:37
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, 0.8 miles.
38:40
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, I start pulling my phone.
38:42
[SPEAKER_01]: And then like, some guy came up and he was kind of like, behind his trailing us.
38:45
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, oh fuck no, fuck no, I pulled up an Uber.
38:48
[SPEAKER_01]: And as soon as I could get us in one, we were like in and gone.
38:52
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, I've got to risk my life writing in an Uber with a strange man, then being out in the streets here in LA, but it was just crazy because I'm like, did, you don't think about those things.
39:01
[SPEAKER_01]: And then when we were leaving, I was like trying to stay with the crowd.
39:04
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, Oh, go run, you know, like, and then you break off and everyone starts the spursing.
39:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I'm like, OK, girls pay attention.
39:12
[SPEAKER_01]: We are with no one right now and we're a quarter mile away.
39:16
[SPEAKER_01]: And at one point, we just started running.
39:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I'm like just just fucking run like we do you see what I see right now.
39:23
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like point things out and I get and we just start running Live and she's like and then I would just be walking so fast.
39:29
[SPEAKER_01]: She's like I really shouldn't have missed those late night walks with you Right, I'm just like take it off You're like I'm getting a fuck out of here.
39:37
[SPEAKER_00]: I know it's it's like I don't know.
39:39
[SPEAKER_00]: It's it's definitely fine balance of being able to protect yourself Be aware
39:47
[SPEAKER_00]: not be paranoid.
39:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, not be a weirdo and be paranoid.
39:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Me, I can't go out because it's something my had.
39:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
39:53
[SPEAKER_00]: And be open to the right interactions because like I said, you know, yeah, for the most part I ignore most of the men.
40:00
[SPEAKER_00]: I knew this guy was different.
40:02
[SPEAKER_00]: And it took a long time.
40:04
[SPEAKER_00]: It wasn't like we just talked on the first walk and then like went out the next day.
40:09
[SPEAKER_00]: It was like weeks.
40:11
[SPEAKER_00]: of like little bits of talking about his dog and then the weather and then this and then oh how long have you lived here and then it went on further and further and further and now he's my little summer fling You know whatever that's he listened to the show No, not yet, but does he know you do this?
40:31
[SPEAKER_00]: No, well, yes, yes, but I don't think that I've sent him the links or that he's like hunted them down or writing, you know, but
40:41
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't think we are there, but we're just getting there.
40:45
[SPEAKER_01]: I'd say, you know, we're like really guiding in.
40:48
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, because I didn't want to like, does the other thing, too?
40:52
[SPEAKER_00]: And this will kind of like lead into how we can, you know, talk about something else that another reason why we did this episode and why we talk about this stuff.
41:03
[SPEAKER_00]: But I didn't want to trauma dump on this guy.
41:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
41:08
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean?
41:09
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's what we need.
41:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
41:11
[SPEAKER_00]: So when you go through the things that we've gone through and then you meet new people, it's like we can be healed.
41:19
[SPEAKER_00]: We are healed, healings always, we're always healing.
41:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, but.
41:26
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like at what point do you let these people know that you've been through these things because they're like, oh, shit, she has baggage, she's fucked up, right, she has PTSD.
41:37
[SPEAKER_00]: What I remember there for a minute, you were talking to a guy that had PTSD for a whole other different reason than me, obviously.
41:46
[SPEAKER_00]: And he had a TBI as well, like me.
41:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Yep, and I remember you saying something like that kind of worries me, and I'm like, hello Melissa.
41:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, are they going to fuck up though, and you're like, yeah, we are completely fucked up, and all the most amazing ways, you know, and when it took my kids, I tell my kids, yeah, my brain's a little broken.
42:07
[SPEAKER_00]: It is a little different.
42:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, but if you do the work.
42:12
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it's an amazing thing, you know, like I was joking around with my friend yesterday and I said, you know, the greatest thing about PTSD is that in like a crisis, I'm like right there.
42:24
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, calm, collected, let's get through it.
42:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
42:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Take me to the fucking grocery store.
42:31
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a mess.
42:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
42:32
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm non-functioning.
42:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
42:35
[SPEAKER_00]: So.
42:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
42:42
[SPEAKER_00]: bringing back is I hadn't told him about this podcast because that first episode I said so much about like my past and all right stuff and we're just barely getting to the point, you know, where I'm comfortable starting to share more of those things.
42:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
43:00
[SPEAKER_00]: But I think that
43:03
[SPEAKER_00]: The other good thing about this, you sharing this story, me even sharing what I've shared is that we can have these terrible, terrible fucking things happen and meet these terrible fucking men that do awful things to us and fuck us up, but at the end of the day, it's up to us to Hill to do the work.
43:28
[SPEAKER_00]: and open ourselves back up again, you know, to be able to trust people.
43:34
[SPEAKER_00]: So that we can meet good men because there are good men out there.
43:40
[SPEAKER_00]: We're both dating.
43:41
[SPEAKER_00]: You've been dating one.
43:44
[SPEAKER_00]: longer than me, but I've been completely closed off and sell a bit for so many fucking years.
43:49
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't even know what I'm doing anymore.
43:51
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's another part of the healing, you know, like being with somebody again.
43:56
[SPEAKER_00]: And you're always telling me with your guy like, this is so fucking crazy.
44:02
[SPEAKER_00]: He treats me so good like I don't even know what to do with that.
44:05
[SPEAKER_00]: And now I'm starting to see like what you mean, it's like, who is this fucking person and like why are they so nice to me, right, you know, because we're not used to that, you know, but it's so sad.
44:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god, it is so sad, but it's true.
44:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Like we there, if you do, if you do the work because had I not and I could have very easily not gone to therapy not talked about it not like processed it all cried about it all.
44:32
[SPEAKER_01]: I guarantee you I've put a found someone just like him.
44:36
[SPEAKER_00]: We are.
44:37
[SPEAKER_00]: That's exactly what we do.
44:38
[SPEAKER_00]: We just date the same person in a different body.
44:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Yep, I see it.
44:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, it's the trauma.
44:43
[SPEAKER_00]: We're just like, yeah, it's like we're magnets, you know.
44:48
[SPEAKER_01]: And I exact the worst stuff.
44:50
[SPEAKER_01]: And I have met someone that, oh my God, I didn't even know this type of man existed.
44:56
[SPEAKER_01]: And the way he treats me and speaks to me, he would never yell at me.
45:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Like like that and it's it's just interesting, but that the good news is that you can find that if you do the work You know, you can heal and you can come out the other side.
45:15
[SPEAKER_01]: So, wait, if you think that you lost the love of your life while remember
45:20
[SPEAKER_01]: the love of your life would never treat you that way.
45:23
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, if you are sat over like, well, we broke up and he did this and he cheated on me or whatever.
45:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, the love of your life isn't going to cheat on you.
45:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, um, the other thing I wanted to say that I wanted to laugh at is how many people called that security guard that was there a fucking coward.
45:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, so I would say it was disgrace of a man.
45:41
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like,
45:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
45:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
45:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Someone asked to how far would he have allowed it to go?
45:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Like if he was on top of you choking you, would he have finally stepped in?
45:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
45:53
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
45:53
[SPEAKER_01]: No, I don't think so.
45:56
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I'm just glad that we have all of this out.
45:59
[SPEAKER_01]: It's done.
46:00
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm glad that we get where we were able to recap everything.
46:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, because the questions answer the questions or so many things that were left out.
46:09
[SPEAKER_01]: We promise the next time we come on, it's going to be a lot lighter.
46:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, we're fun episodes, but some of these episodes are they're going to be hard.
46:17
[SPEAKER_01]: They're going to be hard to listen to.
46:18
[SPEAKER_01]: There's going to be hard lessons learned and things to share.
46:20
[SPEAKER_01]: And
46:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
46:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that's life and that's how we learn as we learn from each other.
46:26
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think some of the best people to lead us are the ones that have been through shit and to coach us and I don't know.
46:33
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to follow or listen to anyone that's never been through shit.
46:36
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I mean, and that's why it's called unfiltered.
46:39
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I mean, it's raw.
46:41
[SPEAKER_00]: It's it's real.
46:44
[SPEAKER_00]: It's real life and people go through shit and
46:48
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not all perfect and sunshine and rainbows for everybody all of the time, you know.
46:54
[SPEAKER_00]: But I think it's a testament to how strong you are to people are probably like what the fuck she went through that.
47:02
[SPEAKER_00]: I had no idea, you know, because sometimes you can't skip a beat.
47:07
[SPEAKER_00]: We have to keep going.
47:08
[SPEAKER_00]: We have to.
47:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
47:10
[SPEAKER_01]: So, well, I'm glad you could come on again and do part
47:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, we'll be back again you guys if you have any other questions or I think you want to write into the show email us that it's Melissa Vogal at gmail.com send DMs over to Make sure you go to the show notes click the links.
47:27
[SPEAKER_01]: We're going to put the one to the previous episode that we keep referring to with Oh, the track Patrick O'Dell O'Dell O'Dell O'Dell O'Dell O'Dell O'Dell O'Dell
47:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Pat Odo will put that in there and then we'll put other links and stuff that you can click if you want to work with Jen with your marketing and social media and like everything Jen is absolutely incredible.
47:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Go to the show notes, check us out and then we can't wait to talk with you guys again later.
47:51
[SPEAKER_01]: And for now, everyone stay safe.
47:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Stay healthy until next time.
47:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Hi guys.
47:57
[UNKNOWN]: Bye!
48:00
[SPEAKER_01]: The bottom-life podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only.
48:03
[SPEAKER_01]: The content shared here is not intended as medical legal or professional advice.
48:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Always consult with a qualified professional with from making end-to-house fitness financial or legal decisions.
48:11
[SPEAKER_01]: The affiliates shared on this podcast are professional experiences and insights.
48:15
[SPEAKER_01]: So if you need expert guidance, go find the right professional for you.
48:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Thanks for listening.