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MONEY DIARIES: Losing your Mum at 18 · She's On The Money

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Speaker 1: She's on the Money. She's on the Money.
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Speaker 2: Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast
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Speaker 2: for millennials who want financial freedom. My name is Tony Lodge,
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Speaker 2: and joining me as always for our Money Diary episode
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Speaker 2: is Victoria Divine author extraordinary woofed.
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Speaker 3: Can we stop talking about that though? Like everyone now? No, Yeah,
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Speaker 3: we're over it? Okay, No, I'm kidding.
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Speaker 2: Online online Masterclass extraordinary.
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Speaker 4: Well, actually, let's jump straight into this one because you
0:51
Speaker 4: have said it's going to be a goodie and I
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Speaker 4: genuinely can't wait to hear her story because you said
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Speaker 4: that you can relate to it, but I don't know
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Speaker 4: why yet.
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Speaker 2: You're right, I do relate to this one. So I
1:00
Speaker 2: just want to quickly say that we talk about losing
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Speaker 2: a parent quite excentively today, So if that might trigger
1:06
Speaker 2: you or upset you, then maybe hit stop and we'll
1:11
Speaker 2: see you again next week.
1:12
Speaker 5: Yeah.
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Speaker 3: Absolutely.
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Speaker 4: I'm glad that you put that in though, because that
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Speaker 4: can be a topic that some people don't want to
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Speaker 4: talk about, Tony.
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Speaker 3: So with that in mind, let's get straight to her email.
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Speaker 3: All right, here we go.
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Speaker 2: Hi, She's on the Money team. This is my money story.
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Speaker 2: I've been a bit afraid to write down. I was
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Speaker 2: made to leave home at eighteen, unfortunately after my mother
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Speaker 2: passed away and had to rent a flat with my
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Speaker 2: sister in tow all within that made terrible money habits
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Speaker 2: and got into some pretty bad debt. At twenty six,
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Speaker 2: I moved to Perth from New Zealand and had to
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Speaker 2: pull my shit together. After a year in Perth, we
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Speaker 2: left and ended up in Brisbane. My partner at the
1:44
Speaker 2: time was so good with money it scared me. He
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Speaker 2: had only one vision, which was to buy a house
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Speaker 2: and do nothing else. We ended up breaking up, and
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Speaker 2: the breakup was tough. I had nothing and he had
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Speaker 2: everything plus more. I had to really buckle down and
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Speaker 2: save and pay off some debts living in Brisbane getting
2:01
Speaker 2: paid pretty well from where I started. I have had
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Speaker 2: a few setbacks, but I'm working towards a bigger money goal,
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Speaker 2: which is not living paycheck to paycheck and paying off
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Speaker 2: my credit card completely. A massive thank you to She's
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Speaker 2: on the Money for helping me get through it all.
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Speaker 2: I've been an OJ listener, Oh my gosh, and as
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Speaker 2: always we have our money diarist on the phone. Hello
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Speaker 2: Money Diarist, Hey guys, Oh it's so nice to have you.
2:23
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for sending in your story. It's
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Speaker 2: one that is quite familiar to me. And yeah, we
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Speaker 2: just really appreciate you sending that into us.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, that's really special that you wanted to share that
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Speaker 4: with us.
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Speaker 5: Totally. Oh my gosh, I'm so excited to talk to you, guys, Welsh, I'm.
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Speaker 4: So excited to talk to you to Let's jump straight
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Speaker 4: into it with the structured questions and then we can
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Speaker 4: have a chat about everything else after that. So, as always,
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Speaker 4: first things first, what is your attitude towards money.
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Speaker 5: I My attitude towards money has changed the past year.
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Speaker 5: I used to be really really afraid of it, super afraid,
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Speaker 5: never enough and yeah, but certainly in the last year
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Speaker 5: it's not scared me so much. I'm still a little
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Speaker 5: scared of it, but yeah, because it comes I know
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Speaker 5: that more will come in at the moment.
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Speaker 2: So do you mean scared, like feeling scared that you
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Speaker 2: like wouldn't have enough or yeah.
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Speaker 5: Yeah, from just unfortunately not going up for you know, obviously,
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Speaker 5: I've got quite a lot of brothers and sisters and
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Speaker 5: we always were okay, but never never came from a
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Speaker 5: wealthy family. So and obviously being a bad habits. Yeah,
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Speaker 5: still kind of crept up on me. So it's been
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Speaker 5: a little bit scared of money.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, that's fair, and I guess that really leans into
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Speaker 4: your money story and where you've come from.
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Speaker 3: And where you're going now.
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Speaker 4: And like I love when people have that level of introspection,
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Speaker 4: You're like, hey, cool, like this is. I had heaps
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Speaker 4: of brothers and sisters and this was. And that's why
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Speaker 4: I've always been scared of it. Like learning that about
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Speaker 4: yourself can be so powerful, and just knowing why you
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Speaker 4: make decisions or why you feel that way can make
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Speaker 4: you feel even more empowered about moving forward and making
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Speaker 4: changes instead of going, oh it's so scary because it's not.
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Speaker 4: Yeah anyway, next question is what do you do for work?
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Speaker 4: And how much money do you earn?
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Speaker 5: So great question. I have actually just changed dop so exciting.
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Speaker 5: So I don't know if you want to know my
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Speaker 5: previous because.
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Speaker 3: I want to know as much as you'll give us.
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Speaker 3: We're really pervy. What have you got for us? What
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Speaker 3: did you do before? What do you do now? How
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Speaker 3: much money do you have?
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Speaker 5: So previously I work, I work in banking, and previously
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Speaker 5: as a senior consultant in a call center and I
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Speaker 5: was on a wage and roughly and I only know
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Speaker 5: this because I checked my pacelip. I earned eighty one
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Speaker 5: thousand dollars in the past year.
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Speaker 3: Oh that's so good. It's good on you for checking
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Speaker 3: and Pasley.
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Speaker 5: And I've actually liked it. Have just changed jobs literally
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Speaker 5: this week, and it's actually a really good push for me,
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Speaker 5: as everyone was talking about this in the community on Facebook,
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Speaker 5: about changing jobs and actually having a decrease in wage,
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Speaker 5: and I've actually changed jobs for the better for my
5:18
Speaker 5: mental health and having a social life and everything. So
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Speaker 5: my new job pays sixty four thousand, so quite a yeah.
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Speaker 5: So I'm going to have to get used to life
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Speaker 5: with a slightly less way.
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Speaker 3: And that's okay.
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Speaker 4: But I love that you put your mental health first, because,
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Speaker 4: to be honest, all the money in the world cannot
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Speaker 4: make you feel happy, can't make you feel enriched and
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Speaker 4: like that. Yeah, I just really cannot speak highly enough
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Speaker 4: of not just chasing money.
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Speaker 5: And especially with unfortunately my except before we were doing
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Speaker 5: as money money, money, and now I'm like, you know,
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Speaker 5: what's actually more about how to live than money. So
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Speaker 5: I think that's really bad.
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Speaker 2: And you speak time at work than you do at home,
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Speaker 2: so you might as well be happy there.
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Speaker 5: So I'm very happy. It's all that scary and changing,
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Speaker 5: but it will be I think it will work out
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Speaker 5: for the bit there, I think.
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Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, I love that all right. Next question
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Speaker 4: is what is your big money goal.
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Speaker 5: My biggest money goal right now is to pay off
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Speaker 5: my credit cards. I have a small personal loan back
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Speaker 5: in New Zealand to pay that off.
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Speaker 4: And come on, don't just need a small personal loan.
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Speaker 4: That doesn't help me.
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Speaker 5: It was so I'm actually pretty peppy. So it was
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Speaker 5: at thirty thousand when I least New Dylan five years ago.
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Speaker 5: It's now down to six thousand. What yes, So that's
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Speaker 5: that's been a huge thing for me to try and
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Speaker 5: smash that out. I do have a Cluit card as well,
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Speaker 5: and I'm actually and it's a weird, but I've got
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Speaker 5: a credit card which its inter three, so I've got
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Speaker 5: a limit, the limits quite high, but I don't obviously
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Speaker 5: use it and it's sets six thousand as well, so
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Speaker 5: they're pretty on path just trying to smash them out.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, awesome. I love that.
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Speaker 4: You know, like what the interest rate is and that
7:13
Speaker 4: that one's interest free, and that you've smashed out so
7:15
Speaker 4: much thus far, like.
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Speaker 3: That is epic.
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Speaker 4: All right, the next question, do you currently have any investments?
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Speaker 5: No? I well, technically from your point of view, Victoria,
7:26
Speaker 5: I have super so technically year.
7:28
Speaker 3: Yes, you definitely do.
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Speaker 5: Australia and New Zealand, so I've got two super funds.
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Speaker 5: I don't want to combine them yet because I'm not
7:37
Speaker 5: sure what the future is going to hold. I want
7:39
Speaker 5: to make sure that I have if I go back
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Speaker 5: to Zeland. I've got something veer and obviously I want
7:43
Speaker 5: to have a little news speak here, but I don't
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Speaker 5: currently invest in any other platform.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, awesome, And I think that that's a really important
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Speaker 4: point to make. One Yes, your super is absolutely an investment.
7:53
Speaker 4: But two, I actually like that you're not investing while
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Speaker 4: in debt, because paying down debt in itself is an
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Speaker 4: investment in yourself. And I know you said that there's
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Speaker 4: no interest rate on the credit card that you've got
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Speaker 4: right now, but I guarantee you that won't be forever.
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Speaker 4: It'll just be for a short period of time and
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Speaker 4: then it will revert to probably some incredibly high interest
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Speaker 4: rate and you'll have to think about it if you
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Speaker 4: haven't paid it off by then. But let's say it's
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Speaker 4: fourteen percent. Like you do not get investments that can
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Speaker 4: guarantee a fourteen percent return, But I can guarantee you
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Speaker 4: that if you pay off your debt right now and
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Speaker 4: you start allocating it towards paying off debt, that's like
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Speaker 4: fourteen percent that you're saving for future.
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Speaker 3: You like, that's a great investment return, and we really
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Speaker 3: need to be seeing it that.
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Speaker 4: Way because so many people are like, yep, I'm just
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Speaker 4: smashing down debt, but it's taking me a bit longer
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Speaker 4: because I'm investing on the side, and I go, look,
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Speaker 4: you know, you do you It's all about your values
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Speaker 4: and what makes you happy. But that financially often doesn't
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Speaker 4: stack up because while you're, you know, investing, and maybe
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Speaker 4: you're getting like seven and a half or ten percent return,
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Speaker 4: you're putting off paying fourteen percent off on your credit
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Speaker 4: card by only paying them and repayment so that you
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Speaker 4: can quoite leave your best life, Whereas in reality, you're
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Speaker 4: going to be better off financially if you pay off
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Speaker 4: your debt first and then start investing when you've got
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Speaker 4: that clean slate. Anyway, that's my sidetrack. I'm sorry about that.
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Speaker 4: I was going to say, next question is do you
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Speaker 4: have any debts? But you literally just told us about
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Speaker 4: your debt.
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Speaker 2: We're not going to play stupid.
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Speaker 3: We already know, so, oh my god, do you have
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Speaker 3: any debts? Like?
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Speaker 4: Oh no, actually I just paid them off, all right,
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Speaker 4: So we will skip straight.
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Speaker 3: To what is your best money habit?
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Speaker 5: My best money habit is believing that I'm always poor,
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Speaker 5: so I will seek out the best deal. I will
9:43
Speaker 5: not buy lunch, I will not blurge on anything. I
9:46
Speaker 5: am very, very frugal. So all my friends and family
9:51
Speaker 5: always do comments and I often say unnecessary spending, like
9:55
Speaker 5: if we're going out shopping or something, I will not
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Speaker 5: buy that because it's not necessary spending.
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Speaker 3: I really like that.
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Speaker 4: Like living with a frugal mindset is very important, and
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Speaker 4: it's something that not many of us can do. Let's
10:07
Speaker 4: be honest, Like, once you get out of it, you're
10:10
Speaker 4: more likely to spend more.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, I know that that's true for so many people.
10:14
Speaker 2: We chattoo that they say I started earning more money
10:16
Speaker 2: and then all of a sudden, my rent was twice
10:18
Speaker 2: as much because I thought I'll live in a bit
10:20
Speaker 2: nicer neighborhood or a bit nicer apartment building, all whatever.
10:23
Speaker 2: So it's not easy to maintain that same mindset of
10:26
Speaker 2: like being a UNI students.
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Speaker 4: Creep my friends. Yeah, all right, what is your worst
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Speaker 4: money habit?
10:34
Speaker 5: So I have been thinking about the sights. We have two,
10:37
Speaker 5: and they're quite different. I feel to other money dorists,
10:40
Speaker 5: oh what are they? My worst one is actually seen
10:44
Speaker 5: a lot of money on tatoo.
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Speaker 4: Tattoo okay, locations to tattoo, Yeah, because I.
10:51
Speaker 3: Feel like I could stump you.
10:54
Speaker 5: I still have an arm and a league to go.
10:57
Speaker 5: But I yeah, so, I mean unfortunately because it's quite well,
11:01
Speaker 5: not unfortunately, but because I love art and get beautiful art.
11:05
Speaker 5: You know, obviously on my bloody it's very expensive and
11:08
Speaker 5: people don't actually realize how much it is a sitting
11:10
Speaker 5: and so expensive.
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Speaker 4: Any tattoos, well, actually I do. They're my eyebrows.
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Speaker 5: Yep.
11:16
Speaker 2: I I was like, have you got some secret tattoo
11:19
Speaker 2: on your bum? And something I've never seen? I got
11:21
Speaker 2: really excited. Then I thought, oh money doarist here's the
11:24
Speaker 2: inside Scooper about to see Victoria's bum.
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Speaker 4: I'm too conservative, not as in conservative in that I
11:31
Speaker 4: don't believe in tattoos. I've always wanted one, but I
11:34
Speaker 4: can't commit. You're too sad that you're scared, and I'll
11:36
Speaker 4: like get it and regret it, and yeah that's why.
11:40
Speaker 4: But here I am getting tattoos on my face, okay, which,
11:45
Speaker 4: oh they're expensive too, mind. Yeah, so that's where all
11:51
Speaker 4: her money is going, I feel you.
11:53
Speaker 5: My other one is I'm a huge book nerd. So
11:55
Speaker 5: I've spent a lot of money on books.
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Speaker 3: I'm a recommendation for you.
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Speaker 5: You know, some one by miss Victory Devine, She's already
12:06
Speaker 5: got it.
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Speaker 3: It was Grit by Angela Duckworth.
12:10
Speaker 2: Absolutely, it was Where the Crawl Dad Sing.
12:13
Speaker 3: That's the only other book that I can think of.
12:15
Speaker 3: Harry Potter.
12:16
Speaker 5: Harry, Well, that's my I love Harry. That's my oposition.
12:20
Speaker 5: That's all my tatoos. One.
12:21
Speaker 4: Really, we're gonna slowly wear down the anonymity of our money.
12:28
Speaker 2: People are like, hey, were your money darist last week?
12:30
Speaker 3: You're like, no, I don't know who that was. I
12:33
Speaker 3: just have a snitch or my forehead.
12:37
Speaker 2: I think as far as bad money habits go, like,
12:41
Speaker 2: it's funny that you said I treat myself that like
12:44
Speaker 2: I'm poor, and you know, it makes me think, how.
12:47
Speaker 3: Do you give yourself self care? Then?
12:49
Speaker 2: But it's kind of like the things that are your
12:51
Speaker 2: version of self care you consider your worst money habits.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, totally silly, my friend, because we all have different values, right,
13:01
Speaker 4: and different vices.
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Speaker 2: You know, like if your vice is buying buying a
13:05
Speaker 2: new book, and you know, getting a tattoo or whatever.
13:08
Speaker 2: You know, it's the same as somebody going, oh, I
13:11
Speaker 2: love an expensive bottle of champagne. I drink one a
13:13
Speaker 2: week because that's my favorite thing to do. Makes me
13:15
Speaker 2: feel great. I sit in the bath and drink bubbles.
13:18
Speaker 3: Do you do you know I don't.
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Speaker 2: We should start Not only do I not have a bath,
13:21
Speaker 2: but I can't hold the champagne.
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Speaker 3: Aren't subtle stab at her employer there? I like that.
13:27
Speaker 3: I like that, Tony. Don't think that when unnoticed.
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Speaker 2: But with the discretionary spending that made you feel like bad,
13:34
Speaker 2: it just sucks that they're off on the first things
13:37
Speaker 2: that we pull out of our budget when we go, oh,
13:40
Speaker 2: we need to save, So they're the first things that
13:42
Speaker 2: you lose, are like the fun stuff that you like.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's all right, all right, So next and final
13:48
Speaker 4: question before we get into asking you a million other
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Speaker 4: questions is what grade would you give yourself if we
13:54
Speaker 4: forced you to give yourself a money grade?
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Speaker 5: Looking all on a stair, Probably give myself C C. Yeah,
14:02
Speaker 5: I feel like I'm still learning. I'm certainly not saving
14:08
Speaker 5: a lot for I'm fifting. I definitely have more to learn,
14:12
Speaker 5: so I think I think definitely in the coming months
14:17
Speaker 5: and hopefully years, I will definitely get up there to
14:19
Speaker 5: an A. But right now, I think I think I'm
14:21
Speaker 5: about to see you're on the way.
14:22
Speaker 3: I like that. Yeah, I liked it.
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Speaker 4: You're like, nope, like this is why and this is how,
14:27
Speaker 4: and I'm working.
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Speaker 3: Towards that A. I really like that.
14:30
Speaker 4: It makes me excited when people have actually put thought
14:33
Speaker 4: into it, like.
14:34
Speaker 2: And they're not just like I'm a A. I'm like,
14:36
Speaker 2: well maybe not.
14:37
Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe not so.
14:38
Speaker 4: But also I like when you can say this is why,
14:41
Speaker 4: because it shows this level of introspection that you've actually
14:44
Speaker 4: thought about it, not just like, oh, I think I'm
14:46
Speaker 4: a B and I'll be like why and they're like, oh,
14:47
Speaker 4: it just sounds like a good letter to give myself. Okay, anyway,
14:51
Speaker 4: let's ask you a whole heap of other questions right.
14:53
Speaker 3: After quick break.
15:04
Speaker 4: All right, so we've asked you a whole heap of
15:06
Speaker 4: questions about your money situation and what's going on. But
15:10
Speaker 4: in the back of my mind, I really want to
15:12
Speaker 4: talk about your mom. I want to ask about her
15:15
Speaker 4: and what she was like and what kind of person
15:18
Speaker 4: she was, because obviously you're, you know, let's be honest,
15:22
Speaker 4: losing a mum really early. I can't empathize with I
15:25
Speaker 4: haven't lost my mum and I you know, she's really
15:27
Speaker 4: special to me, so I can't imagine doing that. But Tony,
15:30
Speaker 4: you have lost your mom, and you guys lost your
15:33
Speaker 4: mom at the same age. Yeah, we did mistake him,
15:37
Speaker 4: and so I would love to note one about your mum,
15:39
Speaker 4: but two like how did that impact you? How did
15:42
Speaker 4: that change your money story? Like did that have something to.
15:45
Speaker 3: Do with you moving?
15:46
Speaker 4: Like talk us through that process, because I think it's
15:49
Speaker 4: often quite taboo too. You know, it's not to boon,
15:52
Speaker 4: and it shouldn't, but it's often quite taboo to ask
15:54
Speaker 4: someone about a parent that might have passed away, when
15:57
Speaker 4: in reality, it's one of the most complimentary things you
15:59
Speaker 4: can do.
16:00
Speaker 3: That all you want to talk about, Yeah, you're like,
16:02
Speaker 3: what was your mom like?
16:03
Speaker 4: And like I know all about Liz, Like Liz and
16:05
Speaker 4: I are already friends, like I've decided, but like, what
16:08
Speaker 4: was your mom like?
16:09
Speaker 3: Tell us?
16:10
Speaker 5: Yeah, oh, and I really appreciate you asking, because you're right,
16:14
Speaker 5: most people are really scared once they find out or
16:17
Speaker 5: anything like that. So my mum was crazy. She was
16:20
Speaker 5: absolutely fabulous. She was very young as well when she
16:24
Speaker 5: had us, Me and my sister very young, so I
16:27
Speaker 5: think growing up we didn't have a lot of money.
16:29
Speaker 5: And I don't want to say her make her said
16:33
Speaker 5: story even better. We me and my sister, we actually
16:36
Speaker 5: lost our dad when I was eight, That's yeah, it was.
16:42
Speaker 5: It was a pretty crapy. I mean, obviously it's pretty young,
16:44
Speaker 5: but when mom passed, that was it. And at eighteen
16:48
Speaker 5: I had to really grow up. I had a seventeen
16:51
Speaker 5: year old sister look after and she didn't die suddenly.
16:55
Speaker 5: Mum had cancer and you know, obviously progressed. It was awful.
16:58
Speaker 5: But Mum was thirty nine when she died, so you know,
17:01
Speaker 5: nine years so in my head money and she Mum's
17:07
Speaker 5: a little bit naughty and just said, you know what
17:09
Speaker 5: we're gonna We're going to die at one stage just
17:11
Speaker 5: spend it so really really young age just thought, well,
17:15
Speaker 5: we might as well spend, enjoy the money, go out.
17:17
Speaker 5: I used to spend a lot of money.
17:18
Speaker 4: On my car.
17:21
Speaker 5: And and honestly she was having a great time close and
17:24
Speaker 5: not really understanding the concept of why we're saving, and
17:30
Speaker 5: that put me obviously set me up quite bad for
17:33
Speaker 5: a good ten years. And now I'm only finally figuring out, hey,
17:38
Speaker 5: I've actually got to figure you know, why am I
17:40
Speaker 5: doing this? And it's actually taken obviously. I was listening
17:43
Speaker 5: to when I found your podcast all that time ago
17:47
Speaker 5: and listened to the money Story, you know, the money
17:49
Speaker 5: story part that you first did. I was like, wow, okay,
17:52
Speaker 5: this makes sense. And I really started writing stuff down
17:54
Speaker 5: and figuring out why am I like this and trying
17:58
Speaker 5: to really imprint it on my sister as well, because
18:01
Speaker 5: she is very like my mum spend a lot of money.
18:03
Speaker 5: She would hate for me to obviously outhurd that she
18:07
Speaker 5: knows that it's a change, and I always always seen
18:10
Speaker 5: through your podcast and she does eventually listen.
18:13
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, I loved that. That's so kind of
18:15
Speaker 4: you to say and to share as well. But it
18:18
Speaker 4: does really make sense, right, Like, you hear this story,
18:21
Speaker 4: and you know, if you look back on the questions
18:23
Speaker 4: that we've just asked you, like saying I was in
18:26
Speaker 4: thirty thousand dollars worth of debt, here are my values,
18:28
Speaker 4: this is what's going on. Like so many people can
18:30
Speaker 4: so quickly jump to a judgment of like, oh, well
18:33
Speaker 4: that's quite irresponsible.
18:34
Speaker 3: You go, well, actually, you don't know anything about the person.
18:37
Speaker 4: You don't know the background, you don't know how you've
18:39
Speaker 4: gotten there, and it doesn't serve anyone. It doesn't help anyone,
18:42
Speaker 4: It doesn't help empathize with the situation. And to be honest,
18:46
Speaker 4: if you're saying that you were living in line with
18:48
Speaker 4: the values that your mum had, I guarantee you you
18:50
Speaker 4: wouldn't regret the decisions you were making when she was
18:53
Speaker 4: still around, right, Like you weren't going to change that.
18:56
Speaker 4: You were just doing the best you had with the
18:58
Speaker 4: tools and resources you had at the time. And I
19:00
Speaker 4: think that's really powerful, and I think we don't give
19:02
Speaker 4: people enough credit when that's the case. So I love
19:06
Speaker 4: asking and just being like, well, you know, how did
19:09
Speaker 4: that happen? You're like, yeah, mum was crazy, Like you know,
19:12
Speaker 4: she just lived in the moment and had a really
19:14
Speaker 4: good time. And you know, obviously, let's be honest, that
19:17
Speaker 4: worked out for her because living in the moment, like
19:19
Speaker 4: long term, if she was saving for retirement, she wouldn't
19:22
Speaker 4: have been able to seize that opportunity. But it hasn't
19:26
Speaker 4: been a positive thing for you guys, who hopefully will
19:29
Speaker 4: never be in the same situation as she's gone through.
19:32
Speaker 3: And yeah, I think it's really.
19:33
Speaker 4: Special to be able to talk about this stuff and
19:36
Speaker 4: talk about how that works without feeling like we're treading
19:39
Speaker 4: on anyone's toes or offending anybody when asking like, hey,
19:42
Speaker 4: like your mom passed away, that's really shit, Like I've
19:45
Speaker 4: got nothing to say to that, but what was she?
19:48
Speaker 5: Like?
19:48
Speaker 4: How can I learn from your story?
19:51
Speaker 2: I think as well saying oh, you being in debts
19:53
Speaker 2: really are responsible? Or what you did around the time
19:55
Speaker 2: of your mom passing when I was really irresponsible, Like
19:58
Speaker 2: we were similar ages, and I know that after that happens,
20:02
Speaker 2: you just feel so out of control, like you actually
20:05
Speaker 2: just and you do kind of feel like you need
20:09
Speaker 2: to take on this thing, like I could die at
20:10
Speaker 2: any minute. My Mum's gone now, and like I need
20:13
Speaker 2: to enjoy myself. I need to have fun and I
20:15
Speaker 2: need to do all the crazy things that I ever
20:17
Speaker 2: wanted to do. And it takes like a while before
20:20
Speaker 2: that kind of part of you settles down and you go, Okay, well,
20:23
Speaker 2: I'm actually still here and I do have a future
20:25
Speaker 2: I need to plan for, and like, it does take
20:28
Speaker 2: a long time to get your head around the fact
20:30
Speaker 2: that I guess it's part of the grieving process is
20:33
Speaker 2: that you need to come to terms with the fact
20:35
Speaker 2: that you are still here and you do need to
20:38
Speaker 2: enjoy yourself, but you also need to be responsible. And it's, yeah,
20:42
Speaker 2: just that out of control feeling. It's funny that you
20:44
Speaker 2: said you don't know the background, because often people that
20:47
Speaker 2: do go through grief at a really young age do
20:50
Speaker 2: end up in like a bit of financial strife because
20:54
Speaker 2: it's really hard to control your emotions.
20:57
Speaker 4: And it's really easy to get into debt. So easy
21:00
Speaker 4: to get into debt, like credit cards are very easy
21:03
Speaker 4: to apply for and get, and they often take a
21:06
Speaker 4: lot of the pressure off you for having to earn
21:09
Speaker 4: that money. You can just enjoy life. You can deal
21:12
Speaker 4: with it later, Like it doesn't matter, I'll just chuck
21:14
Speaker 4: it on there we'll talk about it later, or.
21:16
Speaker 2: Even thinking I need to work less right now because
21:18
Speaker 2: I need to spend time with my family, or you know,
21:20
Speaker 2: all of those things. Money is the biggest pressure around
21:23
Speaker 2: people passing away, whether it's paying bills or if they were,
21:27
Speaker 2: you know, supporting you, which was your situation, which is
21:30
Speaker 2: it's so heartbreaking, and I can't even imagine how difficult
21:34
Speaker 2: that must have been for you to then have to
21:36
Speaker 2: support your sister as well, you know, like that would
21:39
Speaker 2: have just been such a massive pressure. And I don't
21:42
Speaker 2: want to say burden, because it isn't a burden, but
21:44
Speaker 2: it just is that massive like weight on your shoulders.
21:48
Speaker 5: And I think Assoshi at eighteen, like I didn't realize
21:51
Speaker 5: how expensive power and you know, like and a ringting
21:54
Speaker 5: and we had to buy everything. We had a bed each,
21:57
Speaker 5: that's what we had, so we had to buy all
21:58
Speaker 5: the clients couches and TV like we're a small fourteen
22:02
Speaker 5: inch TV for a long time because we just had
22:05
Speaker 5: nothing else. And we're lucky enough. We had like a
22:09
Speaker 5: flatmate that came with us. But we were all wild.
22:12
Speaker 5: Like when I say wild, I don't mean partying and
22:14
Speaker 5: drinking all the time, but just really irresponsible, but.
22:19
Speaker 6: Everyone's irresponsible age expected to be a parent, like, and
22:24
Speaker 6: lots of people, you know, they do have kids at
22:26
Speaker 6: eighteen and they become parents, but you didn't choose to
22:29
Speaker 6: become a parent of a seventeen year old.
22:31
Speaker 3: And you didn't. Like, it's really hard to be thrown
22:34
Speaker 3: into the.
22:34
Speaker 4: Midst of that while grieving, because you also feel like
22:37
Speaker 4: you have to be that person that's stable for your sibling,
22:40
Speaker 4: and like it's just a lot of responsibility that you
22:43
Speaker 4: know you wouldn't change for the world, I'm sure. But
22:46
Speaker 4: also people just don't realize how taxing that can be
22:50
Speaker 4: on other people.
22:52
Speaker 5: You know. Wrong, Yeah, but it all worked out, thankfully.
22:55
Speaker 5: I'm still here.
22:57
Speaker 4: Yeah, And I feel like your attitude towards money, Like,
23:00
Speaker 4: going back to the very start of this episode, you
23:03
Speaker 4: said that you were, you know, taking a lower paying
23:05
Speaker 4: job because you really value life and family and you know,
23:09
Speaker 4: living life on your terms. And it just makes so
23:11
Speaker 4: much sense that that is your approach and that you
23:14
Speaker 4: know money isn't the thing that you're chasing, and that yeah,
23:16
Speaker 4: I've still got debt, but I'm actually making this decision
23:19
Speaker 4: for me, and it makes.
23:20
Speaker 3: Your priority is yourselflf.
23:22
Speaker 4: That I love that because I feel like too many
23:25
Speaker 4: times I've run into people who have gone through this
23:27
Speaker 4: situation and you know, they don't have a parent anymore,
23:31
Speaker 4: and to flip the narrative, they're now backflipping because they've
23:34
Speaker 4: gone through that, they've been in debt, and now they're
23:36
Speaker 4: chasing the highest paying job and they're sacrificing absolutely everything
23:39
Speaker 4: to get out of that debt because they go, oh
23:41
Speaker 4: my gosh, I've wasted so much time and it's not
23:44
Speaker 4: the case like we can get out of this debt.
23:46
Speaker 4: We can, you know, work towards it. And I just
23:48
Speaker 4: think that it's really special to be able to do.
23:51
Speaker 5: That, and I think like, thankfully for me, my new
23:56
Speaker 5: partner is super amazing and very supportive and understands where
24:00
Speaker 5: I come from money story wise, whereas my ex partner
24:04
Speaker 5: unfortunately didn't, and they were very concerned. You know, all
24:09
Speaker 5: they wanted to do was my house and trained, you know,
24:13
Speaker 5: really really try to drum that into me. Whereas my
24:15
Speaker 5: current partner is amazing and she understands that actually, you know,
24:19
Speaker 5: we've got to live and actually enjoy life and enjoy
24:21
Speaker 5: the little things and enjoy weekend. You know, I came
24:24
Speaker 5: from a job that would work three weekends in a
24:27
Speaker 5: like in a month, and late nights and early starts
24:31
Speaker 5: and all this kind of you know, I want to
24:33
Speaker 5: say call center was mad, you know, worked because it was,
24:37
Speaker 5: and it was also a really mentally challenging job. And
24:41
Speaker 5: like you said a couple of weeks ago on the
24:45
Speaker 5: on an episode, is I think, actually, Tony you said
24:47
Speaker 5: it is that people on the phones are you know,
24:50
Speaker 5: they're actually people. So when people are calling up these
24:52
Speaker 5: call centers and screaming and yelling at them, we're actually
24:55
Speaker 5: people as well.
24:57
Speaker 3: A hundred percent you are, like you or just understanding that.
25:01
Speaker 4: Like if someone calls, and especially the bank, they're like,
25:04
Speaker 4: I don't want this interest.
25:05
Speaker 3: You're kind of like, girl, I don't want you to
25:06
Speaker 3: have interest etail, but I don't want I got either.
25:08
Speaker 3: I got to follow the process.
25:10
Speaker 4: And the process is this, and I can help you
25:11
Speaker 4: here or I cannot help you, Like, don't yell at
25:14
Speaker 4: people on the phone.
25:15
Speaker 3: It's not their fault.
25:17
Speaker 5: I think coming from a job from that to being
25:19
Speaker 5: away from helm not in health to serve anymore is
25:22
Speaker 5: really going to be really greatful the mental health. And
25:25
Speaker 5: as much as I love people, I think it will
25:27
Speaker 5: be a really nice if away from them.
25:29
Speaker 2: I really excited for you that you took that leap
25:33
Speaker 2: of faith and just went, you know what, like being
25:35
Speaker 2: happy is just so much more important to me, Like,
25:37
Speaker 2: and you're pretty young as well. It takes lots of
25:39
Speaker 2: people many many, many years before they realize that they
25:43
Speaker 2: actually should prioritize their happiness over what kind of car
25:46
Speaker 2: they've got or having the latest iPhone or whatever. And
25:49
Speaker 2: I know that I sound like, okay boom, I'm being like,
25:51
Speaker 2: oh the latest I've known, Like did you genes come
25:54
Speaker 2: with those rips?
25:55
Speaker 3: But it's true. That is true. You know.
25:58
Speaker 2: It's this thing of like when you're young, you don't
26:00
Speaker 2: really have that foresight to look into how it's going
26:03
Speaker 2: to be, but just.
26:04
Speaker 4: Don't and we deserve it. And it's one of those
26:07
Speaker 4: things that you don't learn. And I hope that you know,
26:09
Speaker 4: over time, She's on the Money becomes a place where
26:11
Speaker 4: if someone's going through something really tough, they know that
26:14
Speaker 4: we'll have maybe not all the answers, but like we
26:16
Speaker 4: can point you in the right direction and help you
26:19
Speaker 4: on that journey. And so many people it's heartbreaking how
26:22
Speaker 4: many people go through this, and you know, message me
26:25
Speaker 4: and say hey, they like I don't know what to do,
26:26
Speaker 4: but this has just happened, and I'm like, Okay, these
26:28
Speaker 4: are the next steps. This is what's going to happen.
26:30
Speaker 4: And you know, I'm really grateful that I get to
26:32
Speaker 4: be that person for some people, because you know, if
26:35
Speaker 4: you've just lost a parent, and as you said, you
26:37
Speaker 4: didn't have a dad on the scene either, because unfortunately
26:40
Speaker 4: you lost him as well, Like sometimes you just need
26:43
Speaker 4: someone to tell you, hey, it's all right, these are
26:46
Speaker 4: the next steps. So yeah, no, I'm really grateful that
26:49
Speaker 4: you've shared this story with us, and yeah, that's really special.
26:52
Speaker 3: So thank you.
26:54
Speaker 5: Thankful let me hear it.
26:55
Speaker 4: No, thank you for sharing it with us, and you know,
26:58
Speaker 4: letting us learn a bit about crazy mum and a
27:01
Speaker 4: bit about your journey and your debts and how much
27:04
Speaker 4: you earn, and like, it's just such a powerful story
27:06
Speaker 4: to share. And I think our community is so much
27:09
Speaker 4: richer because these stories do get shared and we genuinely go,
27:12
Speaker 4: oh my gosh, you're right, like I would have so
27:14
Speaker 4: immediately jumped to going, how did you get into thirty
27:17
Speaker 4: thousand dollars worth of credit of our debt? Okay, no,
27:20
Speaker 4: there's usually a reason. People don't get into debt on purpose, ever,
27:24
Speaker 4: or choose to.
27:25
Speaker 3: Nobody chooses that. Nobody would ever logically choose that.
27:29
Speaker 4: There's always a reason, and there's always a journey, and
27:31
Speaker 4: you don't know anything about anybody else until you've walked
27:34
Speaker 4: a mile in their shoes.
27:36
Speaker 3: So I think that that.
27:37
Speaker 4: Tony is probably a really beautiful place to leave them.
27:39
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for sharing that with us. We
27:41
Speaker 2: honestly really really appreciate it.
27:43
Speaker 3: All right.
27:44
Speaker 4: And as always, just before we head off, we'd like
27:46
Speaker 4: to acknowledge and pay respect to Australia's Aboriginal into our
27:49
Speaker 4: Austraight island of people's. They're the traditional custodians of the lands,
27:53
Speaker 4: the waterways and the skies all across Australia. We thank
27:56
Speaker 4: you for sharing and for caring for the land on
27:58
Speaker 4: which we are able to learn. We pay respects to
28:01
Speaker 4: elders past and present, and we share a friendship and
28:04
Speaker 4: our kindness.
28:05
Speaker 2: The advice shared on She's on the Money is generally
28:08
Speaker 2: nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's on
28:11
Speaker 2: the Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not
28:14
Speaker 2: be relied upon to make an investment or a financial decision,
28:17
Speaker 2: and we promise that Victoria Devine is an authorized representative
28:21
Speaker 2: of Australia Pacific Funds Management Proprietary Limited ABM three four
28:24
Speaker 2: one three two four six three two five seven AFSL
28:27
Speaker 2: three three nine one five one.
28:30
Speaker 3: Yay, that one's pretty good. Thank you. Thanks for cutting
28:32
Speaker 3: this episode.
28:33
Speaker 2: By the way, anytime alleged, truly anytime.
28:36
Speaker 3: It's like it's your job. Love. See you next week, guys,