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153 // When Rejection Sensitivity in ADHD Shows up Most · ADHD with Confidence | Overcome Anxiety & Self-Doubt, Christian ADHD Coach, ADHD in Women

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  Sometimes it can feel like everything around us is unsafe, like everyone is
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  rejecting us with the look that they give us, the comment that they make to the person beside them.
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  It just feels like everything is rejection. And in today's episode,
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  I'm going to talk specifically about when rejection sensitivity and ADHD shows up.
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  Podcast I will give you the strategies to build God-centered confidence so you
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  can know in your heart that you do belong.
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  You are enough and you are made on purpose and with a purpose.
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  Hey I'm Kelsey Spronk, fellow ADHD mom and entrepreneur. Join me in building confidence.
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  Hey friends, welcome to the ADHD with Confidence podcast. I'm your host, Kelsey.
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  Today I'm going to talk about when I believe rejection sensitivity in ADHD shows up most.
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  Before I get into that, don't forget to scroll down and click that follow button
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  so you don't miss out on upcoming episodes.
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  Now, I believe that rejection sensitivity is
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  going to show up most and and in
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  the worst way when we already feel
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  unsafe if we are already you know our nervous system is dysregulated we already
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  feel like we're in fight flight freeze or fawn we feel rushed stressed behind
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  that we can't do enough and we're in this kind of constant cycle or maybe shaming ourselves,
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  or when we don't know who we are, we feel uncertain in our own skin,
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  in our own life, in our decisions.
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  We feel unsafe and uncertain.
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  I believe that's when it's very easy for us to experience rejection sensitivity
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  because in one sense, we already have this rejection of ourselves.
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  We have this feeling of failure, this feeling of uncertainty that doesn't give
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  us a very solid foundation.
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  So I'm going to give you a few tips in today's episode, so make sure you stick
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  around until the end, on how you can overcome this, how you can work past this.
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  Of course, it's not going to be perfect, but we are making steps in the right
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  direction. because when.
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  We are living in such a way that we constantly feel that rejection and we feel
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  it so powerfully in our lives. It can shut us down.
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  It can prevent us from living our best life, from being in the relationships
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  that we want to be in and being fully present in those.
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  It can prevent us from having this meaningful life where we do something that
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  we're passionate about, things that are life-giving for us.
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  Because it can paralyze us and leave us in this kind of ADHD paralysis of being
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  so afraid of being rejected. It's a survival instinct. We want to keep ourselves safe.
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  And so step number one, this is something I borrowed from Jenna Free,
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  and I will link that below. I did an episode with her the other day.
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  But as far as regulating your nervous system, making yourself feel safe,
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  the first thing is an awareness.
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  She talks about having an awareness of when we are feeling stressed out,
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  when we are feeling anxious and worried.
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  Maybe our shoulders are up. Maybe we feel tense.
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  Maybe we're breathing quickly. Maybe we're rushing around.
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  Whatever it is, but having that awareness.
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  The second part of this is she talks about interrupting it.
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  So as she said, you can't talk to your nervous system. So you have to show it that you are safe.
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  And the reason why we're doing this is because when our bodies feel unsafe.
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  We will perceive threats more often.
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  We will perceive this rejection, this failure, these threats to kind of our safety more often.
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  So you want to make sure that we are more regulated to begin with so that we
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  can move forward and work on overcoming rejection sensitivity.
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  So within this one, interrupting that dysregulation can be something like taking a deep breath,
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  lowering your shoulders to kind of, you know, relax, walking slower, pausing for a moment.
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  Talking slower, just slowing down our movements and our experiences.
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  And what this does is it tells your body
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  no you are not being chased by a bear even
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  if it feels like it no you are not unsafe
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  because you you don't need to rush around and
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  she kind of mentions it takes time for us to truly feel and accept this it's
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  not going to happen overnight but I have already noticed for me when I start
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  to feel stressed and rushed and anxious or I start to feel this rejection and
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  this rejection sensitivity,
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  I pause and I take a deep breath and I remind myself with my actions and my
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  words after too that I am in fact safe and that I don't need to rush around.
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  Number three, have some sort of phrase or mantra that is going to help you when
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  you are feeling this rejection sensitivity.
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  So it can be things like saying, I am enough exactly as I am,
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  or I am loved no matter what.
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  Another thing is, no one is perfect, or I can only do one thing at a time.
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  Let me know maybe you're feeling pressure or rejection from people because you're not doing enough.
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  Wherever it's stemming from, I want you to find a positive phrase that you can
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  use to encourage yourself in those moments. Once you've regulated, remind yourself.
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  So maybe you could say, my worth does not come from what I accomplish.
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  Or my worth does not come from what others think of me.
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  Or you know no one
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  is perfect it's okay to
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  fail sometimes whatever it
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  is that resonates with you I want you to make a mental note or make an actual
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  note what is it that would help you the next part this is the last step here
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  number four to help you overcome rejection sensitivity community.
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  Is to know who you are. And I think a part of that is it can be difficult not
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  to feel rejected when we are scrambling to figure out who we are.
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  We're scrambling to figure out where our worth comes from.
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  We're scrambling to figure out who we
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  want to become or what we have to offer in
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  the world or you know where our worth
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  is coming from so knowing who you are
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  know your worth your worth does not
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  change based on what you do or don't do or on your
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  life circumstances i know recently i have felt a lot more prone to rejection
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  sensitivity while i've been grieving and while i've been feeling low but knowing
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  that my worth even when i feel low my worth doesn't change has been so comforting.
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  It says in Romans 8, 38 and 39, For I am convinced that neither death nor life,
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  neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future,
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  nor any powers, neither height nor depth.
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  Anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of
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  God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
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  And that reminder is so incredibly comforting.
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  When you feel like somebody has rejected you, they haven't included you,
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  you feel like you've failed, knowing that we are loved and that nothing can
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  separate us from that love is so comforting.
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  I think another part as well, when you can find confidence and stability in
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  knowing who you are and how to find the best life that fits for you,
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  that is also going to help you have a better foundation to deal with rejection sensitivity.
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  So what I mean by that is understanding what are your basic survival needs?
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  What do those look like? How much
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  sleep do you need? How much water do you need? What kind of nutrition?
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  How can you best set yourself up for success and a good foundation in that regard?
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  Also your social and emotional needs or your life-giving needs.
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  What are the things that you're passionate about?
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  The things that fill your cup and give you energy and give your life meaning and purpose?
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  What are your strengths? What kind of life would give you the most energy and
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  satisfaction? What would be a meaningful and fulfilling life for you?
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  And understanding that the reason why it's important is it can help us when
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  we can focus on something outside of ourselves.
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  I find rejection sensitivity is.
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  Feels very inwardly focused. When we are unsure of who we are,
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  we're unsure of our purpose and God's plan for our life, we're unsure of what
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  we have to offer and who we are, we tend to turn inward and look for validation
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  and approval and praise and encouragement.
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  But when we understand who we are, the calling that God has placed in our life,
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  and we are able to go out and do that and use our giftings and our skills and our passions.
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  It turns the focus away from, you know, inward thinking where we're constantly
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  worrying about what people are thinking about us.
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  And we can look outwards. You know, just this morning and recently at a coffee
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  shop that I go to work at, you know, some of the people that work there,
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  they're kind and they're gracious and they're welcoming.
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  But recently I've been questioning, am I going here too much?
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  Oh, did they give me a look? Do they not want me to be here?
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  And it might sound silly when I
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  say that out loud but the reality is is that
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  we experience this perception of rejection and
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  so I took that and I said I asked myself you know have I actually done anything
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  wrong that I need to change you know address that if that's the case and then
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  remembering people are allowed to feel however they want to feel and I need
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  to know who I am and what my worth is.
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  And then also sometimes not allowing myself to dwell on those feelings and those
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  assumptions, because really they are, they're assumptions.
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  Nothing has actually been said or done to cause those.
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  But when I'm having a difficult time, those assumptions of rejection come up.
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  And so when I was able to then, you know, focus at the coffee shop on planning
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  these podcast episodes and praying that these would bless whoever listens to them,
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  it helps turn the focus away from myself and outwards. How can I help?
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  How can I serve? How can I live in such a way that is going to encourage others?
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  I hope you have found something helpful in today's episode. I always do a recap
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  at the end. So if you are struggling with rejection sensitivity, four things.
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  Number one, awareness of regulation when you are dysregulated and you're feeling
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  stressed out. Number two, interrupt that.
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  Take a breath, slow down, pause, lower your shoulders.
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  Number three, have some sort of phrase or mantra to encourage yourself.
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  And then number four, learn who you are, your worth, your skills,
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  your passions, the life that you are created to live and called to live.
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  Thank you so much for being here with me in today's episode.
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  I look forward to the next one. Until then, God bless.