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SEASON 7 | ESSENCE · SECOND CLOCK™

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  What's your true nature? Your essence?
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  What makes you tick? This journey to find out is what
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  I refer to as your second clock. It's a chance to discover,
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  experience, challenge and reconnect with what you value
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  most. Through clarity, love,
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  acceptance and reflection, you'll find your awareness.
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  And what happens when you do well, you'll find you.
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  Join me, click follow, like and subscribe and let's see where
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  this leads. Lately I've been thinking about
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  people's essence and their true nature and how everybody is so
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  individual and what matters most to somebody may not matter at
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  all to another person. So when reflecting on this, I
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  started by thinking back to who I used to be when I was younger
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  and comparing it to where I am now, who I've become and what
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  parts I need to think about revisiting.
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  My tagline is reclaiming me, but the truth is, there's a lot of
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  me that I don't even know, so I can't actually reclaim it.
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  The me that I used to be, I think I lost along the way.
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  I think I got too good at changing.
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  Changing for other people. I never got great at it, but
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  just good enough that I now have to rediscover what makes me
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  tick, what I like, like, what I truly like versus what I was
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  told to like. I know I'm not alone in this.
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  A lot of people find themselves at this place and when they do,
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  they're asking the same question I'm asking.
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  How do I find out what it is that I actually like?
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  How do I find me in it all? I have to discover it.
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  But how do you discover your true nature?
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  Is it something you find, or is it something that you just know
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  when you know? Well, let's take what I do every
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  week here. I sit in front of a mic and I
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  talk. I riff on any thought that runs
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  through my head. Now that thought can run through
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  my head in the middle of a Pilates class while I'm talking
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  to somebody else or when I'm listening to a book.
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  Something pops into my mind, I start to play with it, and the
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  next thing you know, I'm off. Just like I am here right now,
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  just saying whatever comes to mind and weaving it to the next
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  thought and the next. That's who I am.
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  That's who I've always been since I was little.
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  I would hear something and clock it.
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  I would see something and I'd visually note it, and then
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  eventually I'd create patterns, connect dots, and from that I'd
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  have a concept. And that concept would form in
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  the form of the story. So what I'm doing here now is my
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  true nature. It's who I am.
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  It's who I've always been. Somebody that tells stories with
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  the message in a bottle. The idea that it's more than
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  just talking. It's more than just saying what
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  comes to mind. There's a deeper purpose if
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  you're looking for it. And again, that's my true
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  nature. I look for deeper purposes.
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  I look for the reason why. Why does this matter?
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  What's the point? Why do we show up like we do?
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  What makes us different and what connects us all?
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  So when I think about my essence and somebody else's, that's what
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  I had to remember. Everybody's is so different, but
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  not everybody knows their true essence.
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  I know for me, I didn't. I had no idea.
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  But every now and again, I would stumble upon something that just
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  felt right, like different, right?
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  Not just, oh, that'll work. And that's when I realized I
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  need to go towards that. It's like magnetic.
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  When you find something that just feels right or you find a
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  person that just understands you, like really understands
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  you, it makes all those other relationships seem kind of not
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  so strong, not so worth investing in.
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  I didn't know that before. When I was younger, I just did
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  my best to get along with everybody and sometimes it was
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  at the detriment of me. But again, I didn't know that.
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  It wasn't until I went through different schools, different
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  camps, different situations, different jobs.
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  It's when I realized that not everybody is meant to stay.
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  You're supposed to meet a lot of people, take a lot of different
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  situations in, relate to different people and not get
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  along with different people to find your people.
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  This is very top of mind for me right now.
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  My daughter, she's a social butterfly.
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  She's fun, carefree, lighthearted.
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  She's got one of those smiles that just is bright and radiates
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  so much. So when somebody steals her
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  smile, I take notice. And like everything, I draw a
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  pattern and eventually I come to a conclusion which has action on
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  the end of it. Because what I found is it's not
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  good enough to just come to a conclusion, see something, you
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  need to do something too. That's the benefit you get from
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  being an adult. You get to change things, you
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  get to change the course of things, you get to take action.
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  Whereas when you're a child, you kind of just have to get through
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  to get by. I guess.
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  When I see my daughter smile, I see her true essence.
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  Now I've seen children that are opposite.
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  There's something about them that's MC Cobb heavy and weighed
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  down. And my instinct is to dig
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  deeper, understand what makes them tick.
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  But I don't even think they know what makes them tick.
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  But that's just it. It's all very childlike.
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  They have no idea what makes their smile sparkly, makes it
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  true. They have no idea why one friend
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  is more exciting than another. They just go with it.
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  But at some point they start to try.
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  They start to conform, and little by little, their essence,
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  their glow. And there's gonna say qua it
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  goes to and the road back to it. Well, some people never find it
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  and others find themselves where I'm at trying to reconnect with
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  that essence. So what do you do when you
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  recognize your true nature, but you feel a little bit cornered?
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  Cornered in the sense that you can't change your environment
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  right away. You can't let go of all the
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  relationships that you've amassed that are not suiting you
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  anymore. Well, you bring in awareness.
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  You become aware that things may not fit.
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  I think for so long I was just making do, making do with
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  whatever I had in front of me. But I know different now.
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  I know the difference between fitting in and belonging.
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  For so long, I couldn't tell the 2 apart.
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  I was convinced that I belonged wherever I was because I could
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  make the best of whatever I had. But after I got let go for my
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  job, I had to really sit with it.
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  Sit with how I felt. I never felt settled in that
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  job. I never felt like they truly
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  accepted me or embraced all of me.
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  They wanted bits and pieces of me.
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  It's like they wanted to cherry pick aspects but that's not how
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  it works. So I started listening to
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  different books and reflecting and I happened upon Brene
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  Brown's Braving the Wilderness where she talks about the
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  difference between belonging and fitting in and I started to
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  understand. I guess the best and simplest
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  way for me to explain it is imagine you're asked to make
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  fire, but you're given 2 sticks that are wet.
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  No matter what you do, no matter how hard you rub those two
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  sticks together, there's just friction, no spark.
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  So now when I look back on my past job, they never truly
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  welcomed me. It was never a fit.
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  I may have loved the work and most of the people there were
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  great and so creative, but that wasn't enough.
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  It was their culture and what was being asked of me.
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  Their value system wasn't aligned with mine, and little by
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  little it was breaking me. No matter how hard I tried to
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  fit in, another part of me I had to let go of to do so.
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  I had to have less regard for this or that if I wanted to
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  quote UN quote belong. But I wasn't, and they weren't
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  going to let me. I guess they weren't going to
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  let me betray myself. That's what happens when you're
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  trying to fit in. The larger group sees it as a
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  misalignment and they don't let you in.
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  They don't let you feel settled. And it's that not feeling
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  settled, which is when you know you're not with your people.
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  Your true nature is not received well.
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  But I had never had an experience where it was so
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  apparent to everybody else but me.
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  I was fighting against the current.
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  I didn't want to accept defeat. I didn't want to accept that for
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  once, my people pleaser ways were failing me.
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  But I couldn't please everybody. I couldn't bend to this person
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  or that person's will. I could never be less than.
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  Even when I tried, my old ways would just creep up.
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  I couldn't conform. I couldn't dim.
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  At a certain point, I had to accept that this was me.
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  As a child, I had been asked so many times to change, tell
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  lesson, and here I was again being asked to do the same.
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  And I finally had to admit that it wasn't going to be possible
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  anymore. And unlike school children, we
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  don't have to fight the uphill battle thinking we're belonging,
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  only later to realize that we were just doing our best to fit
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  in, working with what we had and who we had to work with.
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  But for adults, we don't need that.
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  We need to regard ourselves. Recognize when things make sense
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  and when things seem tiring. Recognize when things come easy
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  and when things are strained. That's the big sign.
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  Any situation where you have to explain yourself or you feel
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  misunderstood, judged, you feel like you're not valued or enough
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  is all you need. You just need to feel into it.
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  Silence the lip service and take notice when somebody says
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  something but their actions don't back it up.
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  Or maybe you notice yourself in the moment, how you feel
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  comfortable, at peace, uneasy, anxious even.
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  For my daughter, I've started to see the signs of her conforming.
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  Usually she's got a bright, sparkly smile and she drifts
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  from one social activity to another, beaming.
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  But little by little, I've seen something else.
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  I've seen her biting her nails, and those moments come when
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  she's in a social activity that she doesn't want to be in, a
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  conflict that she doesn't want to be a part of.
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  But somehow here she is in the mix and instead of getting out,
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  she turns inward and finds a solution.
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  One where she doesn't need to speak, she doesn't need to tell
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  people that she's uncomfortable, and somehow by biting her nails,
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  it helps her to stay so she can fit in and get through.
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  As I've been talking, I started realizing something, the
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  pattern. I see it now.
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  I see how we dip into fitting in and I see how we know when we
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  belong. When you can get lost in an
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  experience and just enjoy to the fullest extent, not worrying
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  about how do you look, what are people going to think feeling
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  judged? Instead, you feel comfortable.
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  You feel like you can be yourself.
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  And then comes the smile and it radiates comfort and acceptance,
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  sparkling. That's it.
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  That's where your true essence is.
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  Thanks for listening. These episodes are unscripted.
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  They're my free flowing thoughts as I reflect back on past
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  conversations, experiences, what I've learned, would like to do
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  better, and what's next. Join me on Thursdays for new
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  episodes and catch up on past episodes.
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  Click Follow, Like and subscribe and let's see where this leads.