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The 5 Different Ways Perfectionism Shows Up · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at WalkWest.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: Hi there, good morning, good afternoon, good evening.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: Whatever time of day it is, for you to uh join me for another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Comedy Wood, and I'm very excited that you've taken some time out of your day to join me here today.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: Uh today's topic is actually perfectionism.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: I know I've talked about this before.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I freely admit recovering people-pleasing perfectionist right here.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: And so this is a really, a really important topic to me.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: I do think that a lot of times there is such a fear of failing that many of us, not all of us, but many of us do really combat.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: And so I just I do think that it's important to just talk about it and bring it into the light because most things, if we if we don't talk about the things that are kind of lurking in the background, they just fester.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: And it's about talking about things more so that we can learn more about them and be able to work through them rather than being hindered by them.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: So today I just wanted to to revisit the idea of perfectionism and five of the the top common styles of perfectionism.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, the very first one is referred to as self-oriented perfectionism, which really is about having high personal standards and the expectation to be perfect and the um the maybe the internal negative self-talk, very self-critical if there is a feeling of uh failing to meet the high expectations that one sets for oneself.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: Uh self-oriented perfectionists also tend to um really uh they they tend to uh feel that they are they are not enough if they do not produce perfect results.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: So there is a sense of of a false belief of maybe not being enough.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um and they they tend to feel like they have to overgive and overcompensate.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: Socially prescribed perfectionism uh really is those it's attributed to the people who uh believe that other people expect them to be perfect.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: And this I have seen pop up in client conversations where I hear my clients reflecting that if I don't do this well, I will disappoint, you know, either my friends or my family.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: So it's this feeling of other people expect me to be perfect.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: So yes, there is an element of uh self-oriented perfectionism, but it's also this feeling of uh letting people down if uh other people are gonna be, if they feel like other people be highly critical of them for not meeting expectations.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: So when we have socially perf prescribed perfectionists, what ends up what we might end up seeing is um just people with lower self-esteem and having a hard time finding positive ways of coping with stress and adversity.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: There's this other form of uh perfectionism called other-oriented perfectionism, which is really when when we as an individual expect others to be perfect and are highly critical if other people don't meet, they fail to meet our high expectations.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: And so many uh many people with this this this style of perfectionism, it's it's considered external.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: And so what ends up happening with other oriented perfectionists is is they tend to be slightly more aggressive, maybe, in their style of humor or the way that they criticize others and that they show their disapproval because they they really do have these high expectations of others, and sometimes it can come across as being uncaring or just being very domineering or dominating.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so when a when somebody has that type of perfectionism, it can it can really um grate on relationships in general.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: Overt perfectionism is when uh that perfectionist has a very strong preference for order and has increased anxiety when they don't have order around them.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: They tend to be extraordinarily opinionated uh and they like to be right and often avoid activities where they they don't feel like they understand or that they can do well.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: And so what ends up happening with this type of perfectionism is they tend to be very fixed mindset, where it's if I don't know that I can do this, I'm just not gonna even try.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: Covert perfectionism, however, is more of a closet of perfectionist, and that can sometimes be really hard to identify because a lot of times their actions don't match the perfectionist thoughts that are in their head.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: So covert perfectionists will tend to have actually low expectations of those that are around them and will outwardly say that they prefer to be average or laid back, and yet internally they want to succeed, and they have this drive and this idea that if they don't succeed, uh somehow they're a failure.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: So they may actually underachieve to avoid any pressure outside and may actually avoid competition with those that they might perceive as better, those people that might be better than them.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_01: Interestingly enough, oftentimes we don't have just one.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: Oftentimes, if we are perfectionists, we will have maybe a blend of a couple of these.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um and and it's not, see, here's the thing, it's not to be judgmental.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't ever say this with judgment.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_01: I used to judge myself and used to think of it as this incredible weakness, and instead it's recognizing perfectionism and my people pleasing come out of certain strengths that I have.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: And that's really true about many of the saboteurs that we really face, is that they're actually a result of leaning a little far too into our strengths.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: So if really having high standards can be a strength without it being the thing that keeps us from moving forward or the thing that keeps us in a fixed mindset, it actually can serve us.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_01: So the the key here is to recognize it, to become mindful of it, and without judgment, step into a place of now that I know that this is something that that I have or that goes on in my head, this perfectionist uh mindset, how can I use it to serve myself?
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: Where might be my internal boundaries of you know what is quote unquote good enough versus um feeling like it has to be perfect.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: So many times when we're talking about motivation, for instance, and we're talking about intrinsic motivation and um the fact that sometimes we feel uh like our motivation is lacking, one of the things that can cause that to suffer is when we have this idea that something has to be perfect before we can move on.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: Because what ends up happening is it's never good enough and then we don't move forward.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: So it's about learning to uh have it a you know shift the internal dialogue, shift some of the thoughts around what might be good enough versus, you know, when, you know, versus it has to be perfect before I can move on.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: The reason I'm bringing this up is because again, if we can become more aware, you know, when we become aware of the things that might be holding us back, awareness is that doorway to change.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: So when we become aware of it, we can then get to this place of acceptance, acknowledgement, and acceptance, and then we can take aligned action.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: And that's truly the basis of how I show up for my coaching and how I really support my clients.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: If perfectionism or something else is the thing that you feel might be keeping you stuck and you want to talk about how to really get clear, have that sense of clarity for yourself, have that sense of deep self-acceptance, move forward in both professionally and personally.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: Feel free to reach out at any time.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: You can always book a call with me at chatwithcomedy.com.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, stay well and we will chat soon.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: Username it's authentic me.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.