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THE HOLIDAY AUTOPILOT - What Happens Before We Reach? · The Relief is Real with Ms. B

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: The Holiday Autopilot.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: What happens before we reach?
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Well, well, well, look who's back.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Girl, come on in and have a seat.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to The Relief Is Real with Miss B.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Now listen, I have a question for you.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever eaten something, looked down at your ham and thought, wait a minute, when did I pick that up?
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Girl, sometimes the food is gone before we even remember deciding to eat it.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: And don't let it be something good sitting on the kitchen counter.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: You walk past it once, you walk past it twice, and the third time?
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Well, apparently you and that little piece of cake had some unfinished business.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I've been there.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: But today, I want us to talk about something that I didn't understand for a long time.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes the interesting part isn't what we picked up.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's what happened just before we picked it up.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: And girl, that's a conversation worth having.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Now, Tuesday, we talked about how the holidays can start long before the first holiday meal.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: All those promises, all those plans, and that familiar conversation about what we're going to eat and what we're not going to eat.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: But today, I want to bring us into an ordinary moment.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing dramatic, nothing particularly special.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: You're standing in the kitchen, maybe you're cooking dinner, maybe you're cleaning up, maybe you're waiting for something in the oven.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: And there it is, something sitting on the counter.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: You reach, you take a bite, and you keep right on doing whatever you were doing.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Now, here's my question.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: Did you actually decide to eat it?
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: Or did you just reach?
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes the reach had become so familiar that I barely noticed it.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: And here's what made that interesting.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: I could tell you what I ate.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: I could tell you how much I ate.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: Girl, I could probably tell you what I should have eaten instead.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: But ask me what was happening right before I reached.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: Now that was a different story.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to talk to my ladies who've had weight loss surgery for a minute.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because this is something I understand from my own experience.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: After surgery, so much attention goes toward food.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: What we can eat, how much we can eat, what agrees with us, what doesn't, and those things matter.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: But something I eventually began to understand was that changing how much food I could eat didn't automatically change every familiar reason I might reach for it.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: Remember what I said Tuesday?
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: The surgery changed my stomach.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: But it didn't change my need for relief.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Now, that doesn't mean every time I reached for food, I was looking for relief.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I was hungry.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I just wanted something that tasted good.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes I wasn't even sure why I had reached.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's the part I want us to get curious about.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because I spent a long time believing that if I could just get the food right, everything else would fall into place.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: But there were moments in my life that had very little to do with what was on my plate, and I wasn't paying attention to them.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: Let me give you an example.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever had one of those days when everybody needs something?
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: The phone keeps ringing, somebody needs a favor, there's something you forgot to do, and just when you think you're finished, here comes somebody else.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: Girl, can I get five minutes?
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: Just five! Now, imagine finally getting a moment to yourself.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: You walk into the kitchen, you see something you like, and you reach for it.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're hungry, maybe you just want to taste.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe for you, that little moment is connected to finally getting a break.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: I can't tell you which one it is, but I can tell you what I began noticing about myself.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I was looking forward to that little moment before I ever tasted the food.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: It was the thought of sitting down, the thought of having something just for me, the thought of not having to do another thing for a few minutes.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: And girl, sometimes the relief had already started before the first bite.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Now that surprised me because I had always given the food all the credit.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes the relief I was looking for was connected to the moment itself.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I had never stopped to consider that.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Now here's where things started getting interesting.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: When I began noticing those moments, I realized something.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't have to immediately do anything about them.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't have to make another promise.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't have to announce that tomorrow was going to be different.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I certainly didn't have to start another argument with myself.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: Girl, I had enough of those.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: I could simply notice.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: There it is.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: There it is.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I noticed that I reached while I was distracted.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I noticed that I was enjoying something delicious.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I noticed that I had been looking forward to a quiet moment all afternoon.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes I didn't know what I was noticing yet.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: And that was okay too.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because I wasn't trying to win some contest.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: I was beginning to get curious about myself.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: And let me tell you something.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: That was a very different experience from constantly asking myself what I'd done wrong.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: Now, girl, you know the holidays give us plenty of opportunities to notice.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: There's food everywhere.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody's baking, somebody's cooking, somebody's bringing over a little something.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: And there's always that one person who insists, girl, just taste it.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: And before you know it, you've tasted half the kitchen.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: But here's what I want you to remember.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: We're not turning the holidays into another assignment.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to analyze every bite.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to question yourself every time you enjoy something.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: And you certainly don't have to spend Thanksgiving sitting at the table wondering what Miss B would say.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Girl, Miss B would probably ask you to pass the napkins.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: What we're doing is much simpler.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: We're becoming open to noticing moments we might have overlooked before.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: And if you happen to catch one of those moments, just get curious.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Not critical, but curious.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because there's a difference.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: You know, for a long time, I thought change had to begin with doing something different, eating something different, making a different promise, trying a little harder.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: But what I eventually discovered was that sometimes something important could begin with understanding.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: I could notice a familiar moment.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: I could get curious about it.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: I could begin understanding what was happening for me.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes that gave me a little space.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Space between what I was feeling and what I was about to do.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I'm not saying that space appears every time.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm certainly not saying I always make some perfect decision.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Girl, please.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: But I began to realize I didn't always have to move through those familiar moments without noticing them.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why I say, understanding creates choice, not pressure, not perfection, understanding.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what we're building here.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: One conversation at a time.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: So baby, as we close out our first week of holidays before the reach, here's what I want you to carry with you.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to spend another holiday season fighting yourself.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to make another list of promises just because the holidays are coming.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't have to figure everything out today.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: Just remember, looking at the food changes nothing.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: Looking under it changes everything.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes, what deserves our attention isn't the food itself.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's the moment before we reach.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I've got one last question for you.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: What if the next time you notice yourself reaching for something, you simply get curious?
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: No judgment, no rules, just notice.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't notice until afterward, girl, that's okay too.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: Now listen, tomorrow is Friday, and you know Miss B has something to say about all these holiday promises we've been making.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: And next week, oh, we're going to talk some more about that holiday autopilot.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes we're doing things so automatically we don't even realize we've done them.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: And that, baby, is worth another conversation.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: This is Miss B, and you've been listening to The Relief Is Real.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: See, baby, you're not the only one.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you next time.