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SEASON 7 | CHANGING - The steps towards a new way of being · SECOND CLOCK™

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  What's your true nature? Your essence?
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  What makes you tick? This journey to find out is what
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  I refer to as your second clock. It's a chance to discover,
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  experience, challenge, and reconnect with what you value
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  most. Through clarity, love,
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  acceptance and reflection, you'll find your answers.
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  And what happens when you do? Well, You'll find you.
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  Join me, click follow, like and subscribe and let's see where
• 0:29
  this leads. I often wonder what makes people
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  change. Like fundamentally what makes
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  them all of a sudden shift shifts their point of view, the
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  way they act, the way they relate to others.
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  But I guess I don't have to look too far for an example or a case
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  study. That would be me.
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  I have strayed so far from who I used to be.
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  But then I thought maybe I didn't stray far from who I used
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  to be. Maybe who I used to be was
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  made-up of what other people wanted me to be or what other
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  people told me to be. And I think that makes sense.
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  Not just sense for me, but just sense for everyone.
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  I think it's safe to say that we're made-up of have we were
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  raised what we were told, told to believe in, told to care
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  about what our society thought was normal and acceptable and
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  what society expected of us, I guess what our friends were
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  into, what our generation was into, the movies we saw, the
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  books we read, the magazines we consumed.
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  Yeah. So if you think of it that way,
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  we're pretty much a Stew as to of all these different ideas and
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  perspectives and philosophies. But at some point we have to
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  decide what we hold true, who we are, where we fit in.
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  In the case of me, I didn't wake up one day and say it's time to
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  change. I don't think I ever really
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  thought about myself in general. I think life was just happening
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  for me and all around me and I was just asked to wake up day in
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  day out, day in, day out, do the same, just the days would
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  change. Until one day I decided that I
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  didn't want the days to just change.
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  I wanted to change too. For me, this change in me came
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  with a job change. I had been doing the same job
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  for so long and everything was just set.
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  My life was set. My life was on cruise control.
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  And then I switched jobs and everything was different.
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  Not just the environment or the people, but how I was seen
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  around these people, how I was perceived.
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  And little by little I started to take notice.
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  Notice of somebody that I rarely took notice of, and that would
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  be me. I think for a lot of people, we
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  forget about ourselves. I know for a lot of my friends
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  who became moms like I did, there was a good chunk of time
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  where we forgot about ourselves. Forgot about our appearance, our
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  wardrobe, our friends, our hobbies, our health, our
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  fitness. It's like we sidelined ourselves
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  for, well for some of us it was a few years and for others try
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  10 years. That might be the span when they
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  were having kids and raising the little ones to be somewhat
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  self-sufficient and go to school.
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  That applied to me. I would say until I got to this
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  job and people were looking at me differently, I was being
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  experienced differently and that made me take notice, notice of
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  myself. I started caring about things,
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  caring about taking care of myself.
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  But the real change started to happen when I decided to address
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  my back problems. I guess my back problems were
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  brought on by my front problems being my chest.
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  I've always carried a heavy load in the front, probably since the
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  time I was 12. Now add decades on things just
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  being the same and you either accept it for what is
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  uncomfortable, even unbearable at times, or you get
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  uncomfortable enough that you need to change.
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  And that's where I found myself for so long.
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  I used to Daydream about the idea of getting a reduction, but
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  then the thought of surgery would wake me up and that idea
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  didn't sound so fun anymore. I had never really explored
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  other options until I talked to somebody and she said, why don't
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  you see a trainer? Maybe you just need to
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  strengthen your back. So I saw a trainer and the
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  trainer said, yeah, I can help you, but first you have to
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  commit to showing up at least three times a week.
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  Lucky for me, the job I was at had a gym inside so I could
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  sneak away during lunch break and go see my trainer.
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  And that also meant that I didn't have to take time away
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  from my kids because the guilt of that probably would have
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  prevented me from fixing my back.
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  I probably just would have stayed being uncomfortable.
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  So next thing you know, there I am showing up.
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  But what I realized was I wasn't showing up for other people.
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  I was showing up for myself. This was unique.
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  I had never given myself the opportunity to show up for
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  myself. I was always showing up for
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  clients or school or my kids or my ex.
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  I think that this is similar for a lot of people.
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  We put other things in front of ourselves, in front of taking
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  care of ourselves. For some it's school work, for
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  others it's deadlines at work, and for others it's family.
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  Family first. All that sounds like noble
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  causes, but when you forget about yourself, then how does
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  that factor into you living your life?
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  That was kind of the place I was at, not just in the aspect of my
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  back, but that question was starting to creep into all
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  aspects of my life. My trainer told me, I'll fix
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  your back. If you show up, you're
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  committed, you work hard, and eventually you'll get stronger.
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  And I would come to learn that the strength that I was building
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  wasn't just physically, it was mentally too.
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  When I saw that he was right and I saw the changes happening and
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  I saw myself getting stronger both physically and mentally, I
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  started thinking what else in life can change?
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  What are things that I thought could never change that maybe
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  could? Maybe I just needed to think
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  about things differently. Maybe I just needed to factor me
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  in. For a lot of people, they think
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  their life is set. Where they live is set.
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  What they do for a living is set.
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  Who their friends are is set. How they navigate the world is
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  set, but I'm not so sure. When I realized I was the type
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  of person that could go to a gym, I was fascinated.
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  And here I was going to see a trainer three times a week.
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  Mind you, I was very weak when I started, but I got stronger and
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  stronger still just by showing up to these training sessions.
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  I saw my back getting stronger and my posture changing.
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  My shoulders were no longer rounding in.
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  I no longer had to think about a future where I'd be hunched
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  over. I was now standing up straight
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  and I was moving through the world differently.
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  And it made me think what else could change?
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  What other things did I think could never be different?
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  And maybe they could. That's what it came down to,
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  asking questions, exploring options, seeing what's possible,
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  and trying things. When I wasn't working at the
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  company anymore, I quickly joined the gym across the
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  street. I figured its proximity was
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  going to keep me accountable. Just leaving my house would
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  remind me of the gym because I'd see it and it would be there and
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  it'd be a reminder that I wasn't.
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  So when I did go to the gym, I tried replicating the circuit
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  that my trainer had taught me. And after a while, I started to
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  lose motivation. So I realized I have to stay
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  committed. If I'm not motivated that way,
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  what about classes? And I started taking classes,
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  and I found myself getting stronger still.
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  Then I opened up my life to all sorts of different things.
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  Things that would push me, push me to see who I really was.
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  I guess they'd push me to change or test the theory that I was
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  who I was. The end.
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  So I took different classes, dance class.
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  At first it was all ego, but you can't really follow choreography
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  if you're thinking about how you look.
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  You have to just move. After I stopped looking at
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  myself and I just started following the choreography, I
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  realized, yeah, I'm not very good at it, and that's OK.
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  I don't have to be great at everything.
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  Who is great at everything? We put so much pressure on
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  ourselves to be good or great or perfect right out the gate.
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  It's just not realistic. I could accept that choreography
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  wasn't my thing, but what I learned more than anything was
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  that it was OK getting uncomfortable.
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  That was interesting because I didn't think I'd be the girl
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  that could accept being uncomfortable.
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  So then I decided to get more uncomfortable and I went to
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  improv class. There I was, signing up to stand
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  in front of strangers, some of whom are actors, and get
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  scenarios thrown at me, and I had to react in real time.
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  At first, there was no time for the ego.
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  I just had to go. I had to respond.
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  But then I saw my ego creep in and I realized that's not what
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  improv is about. But I was proud of myself for
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  trying. I tried it several times.
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  I was proud because I never thought that I would have been
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  the person that would volunteer for that class.
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  And there I was, changing, even changing what I would try when I
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  started dating. Well, that was all sorts of
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  changing. Nothing about that was normal.
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  I mean, dating wasn't even like this when I was young.
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  There was no online dating. But accepting what is was fun.
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  It was entertaining too. I didn't take it so seriously.
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  I mean aspects of it, yes, I did like how did I look, How did I
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  sound? And then eventually I stopped
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  caring about that too. I knew how I looked and I knew
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  if I didn't sound right for somebody, that's OK.
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  That was new for me too. Acceptance.
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  It was such a different way to be than the old judge mental
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  self I used to be. I mean I still do judge but now
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  I gear it towards my work because it benefits me in my
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  job. I also wanted peace in my life.
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  Whereas before drama drama drama used to fuel my day, now not so
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  much. Which meant reevaluating my
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  social circle. Little by little I would take
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  notice. Notice of things that I never
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  really looked at or thought to care about.
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  Like is a friendship reciprocal or one sided?
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  Is it benefiting me or just passing the time?
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  That was another thing, Distractions.
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  Oh my goodness, I think so many people love distractions.
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  They love doom scrolling. They love chatting on the phone
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  for countless hours. I never got into doom scrolling,
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  but I was guilty, guilty, guilty of chatting on the phone just to
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  pass time. And that changed too.
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  I don't know, it's like one day the lights just turned on.
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  Maybe not all at once, one at a time.
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  Maybe it started with my back and then it moved on.
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  Because what I realized is nothing has to be set in stone.
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  Nothing has to be fixed. Your personality, your choices,
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  they all can change. The way you show up today can be
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  different tomorrow. You just need to be motivated to
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  want to change, to want to explore, to want to leave things
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  behind and then show up. Take small steps in that
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  direction. Maybe it's in the direction of
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  the new goal, or away from what doesn't serve you anymore.
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  And if you need a reason to do it, permission, then I would
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  venture to guess that somewhere along the line you sidelined
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  yourself because you are the reason.
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  So if you wanted to change something and you were ready to
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  commit to it, what would it be and what would the first step
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  be? Thanks for listening.
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  These episodes are unscripted. They're my free flowing thoughts
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  as I reflect back on past conversations, experiences, what
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  I've learned, would like to do better, and what's next.
• 15:31
  Join me on Thursdays for new episodes and catch up on past
• 15:34
  episodes. Click Follow, Like and subscribe
• 15:37
  and let's see where this leads.