Latest / Bomb Life / Breaking Free: A Survivor’s Guide to Healing and Self-Love with Christie Raibeck |325

Transcript

Breaking Free: A Survivor’s Guide to Healing and Self-Love with Christie Raibeck |325 · Bomb Life

0:01
[SPEAKER_02]: Welcome to the Bomb Life Podcast for Fitness, Mindset, and Real Talk Collide.
0:05
[SPEAKER_02]: This is just about workouts.
0:06
[SPEAKER_02]: It's about transferring your body to mind and life, get ready for unsoldered conversations, expert advice, and the motivation you need to level up in every way.
0:14
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, everyone, welcome to the Bomb Life Podcast.
0:17
[SPEAKER_02]: I am Melissa Volga, you're host.
0:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Welcome to the show.
0:20
[SPEAKER_02]: If you are a new listener, you have landed on the perfect episode.
0:26
[SPEAKER_02]: This is one of those episodes that you listen to and you share with your girlfriend with your friends.
0:30
[SPEAKER_02]: You never know what episode is going to hit someone hard and change their life, and that's exactly what we're here to do.
0:36
[SPEAKER_02]: If you're returning listener, welcome back.
0:38
[SPEAKER_02]: As always, in this episode, it's not going to not going to disappoint.
0:42
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm really excited that you're all here today, listening to this one, because this one kind of hits home.
0:47
[SPEAKER_02]: I share a little bit about my personal experience with all of it, with relationship domestic violence.
0:54
[SPEAKER_02]: It's a topic that is not fun.
0:56
[SPEAKER_02]: when women get into this position and men we go like how to held it does even happen like how did this happen to me but that doesn't mean we need to shy away from it and as you guys know in this podcast like we talk about everything we dive into everything because all of this is connected to your health and fitness journey.
1:12
[SPEAKER_02]: So if you are looking to improve that journey if you are looking to go next level if you're looking to figure out like how do I do this?
1:21
[SPEAKER_02]: what should I be doing?
1:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Should I join a program?
1:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Should I join a group?
1:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Should I start working out at the gym?
1:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Should I start out at home?
1:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Have you questions like that?
1:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Book a call.
1:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Get on.
1:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Send me a DM if it booking the hollows to intimidating.
1:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Send me a DM.
1:36
[SPEAKER_02]: It's Melissa Volgo.
1:37
[SPEAKER_02]: Follow us over there.
1:39
[SPEAKER_02]: We also have the bomb life podcast.
1:40
[SPEAKER_02]: You can follow on listen over there, but we're here to help.
1:43
[SPEAKER_02]: And I want everyone to be confident in the next step.
1:47
[SPEAKER_02]: And I want you to have a plan to meet the future you, and you can't do that, unless you look at all avenues of your life, you come up with a plan.
1:56
[SPEAKER_02]: And leading into this episode, you learn that the past you,
2:02
[SPEAKER_02]: your past doesn't define your future and who you're going to become.
2:07
[SPEAKER_02]: And today's episode is all about looking at our past learning from it and also looking at our current situation and how we can change that.
2:17
[SPEAKER_02]: How do we not stay somewhere that's stuck, toxic, whatever?
2:21
[SPEAKER_02]: and move forward even though the fear of the unknown is so real.
2:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
2:27
[SPEAKER_02]: So this is why we talk about this gross ugly stuff.
2:30
[SPEAKER_02]: This is why I share my own story in my own journey.
2:34
[SPEAKER_02]: This is why our guest is on today sharing.
2:37
[SPEAKER_02]: because we want to show you that it is possible, a hundred percent possible.
2:41
[SPEAKER_02]: As you guys know, this podcast is changing a little bit, not changing, but just like we're adding to it.
2:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Like we're we're growing and adapting.
2:48
[SPEAKER_02]: Now we have video.
2:50
[SPEAKER_02]: So you guys can actually watch and learn from it.
2:52
[SPEAKER_02]: It's really, really cool.
2:53
[SPEAKER_02]: And then also we're starting like a whole unfiltered series.
2:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh my god, what's that coming out like next week?
2:58
[SPEAKER_02]: I think I don't know.
2:59
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to have my awesome cohost Jen on with me.
3:02
[SPEAKER_02]: And we are diving in, and then I bring this out because I will be sharing more about my personal life in my own story.
3:10
[SPEAKER_02]: And what I've been through that I actually talk about a little bit in today's episode.
3:14
[SPEAKER_02]: So stay tuned, you guys, lots coming, and I'm really excited to like kind of watch like the series and really get like unfiltered with you guys.
3:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, so today's guest, she's the incredible Christy Rybak relationship realist and a woman who turned deep pain.
3:29
[SPEAKER_02]: into serious powerful purpose.
3:32
[SPEAKER_02]: After surviving a toxic relationship and trauma bonding, Christy rebuilt her life completely from the inside out.
3:39
[SPEAKER_02]: And yes, she even predicted.
3:41
[SPEAKER_02]: That's she predicted the exact day she would meet her husband.
3:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Isn't that nuts?
3:46
[SPEAKER_02]: She does a reading with me.
3:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Through her podcast, she has 12 episodes out there dating after domestic violence, go check out that show you guys because it's just a great resource to have if you need
3:57
[SPEAKER_02]: more education.
3:59
[SPEAKER_02]: He need to fill a little and powered go check out her podcast episodes that she have out there dating after domestic violence.
4:06
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, but she does intuitive readings destiny cards, which she actually did mine on the show.
4:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, she's like, oh, girl, you're you're you're really like,
4:15
[SPEAKER_02]: I can't remember the exact word she word me she is.
4:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Let me read.
4:20
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know.
4:20
[SPEAKER_02]: She's like powerful and strong and like, she's like kind of dominating.
4:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Uh huh.
4:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
4:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Uh so the destiny card thing was so cool and she does human design and her refreshingly honest approach to healing and how she helps others navigate.
4:37
[SPEAKER_02]: the love, the self-worth relationships, personal transformation, all of it.
4:42
[SPEAKER_02]: It's just so refreshing.
4:43
[SPEAKER_02]: And in this journey, we dive into her story of domestic violence, a little bit of mine, trauma bonding, intuition, all of it.
4:51
[SPEAKER_02]: So she's just really known for her big sister energy, and I totally found it, felt it.
4:55
[SPEAKER_02]: She has this like down to earth wisdom that will just blow your mind.
5:00
[SPEAKER_02]: So one thing to mention,
5:03
[SPEAKER_02]: She talks about destiny cards and I just mentioned destiny cards and how she did mine.
5:06
[SPEAKER_02]: This is not like, um, tarot cards or anything.
5:10
[SPEAKER_02]: So if that made you pause and be like, I don't know if I want to listen to this episode because I get it.
5:14
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm respectful of people's religion and their beliefs and stuff like that.
5:17
[SPEAKER_02]: It's not like that.
5:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
5:18
[SPEAKER_02]: So please don't let that be something that stops you from listening to this episode because that's,
5:23
[SPEAKER_02]: it's not the same and we explain it in the episode.
5:25
[SPEAKER_02]: All right.
5:26
[SPEAKER_02]: So go to the show notes, click the links, book a call with me, work with Christy.
5:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Uh, after you hear this episode, you're definitely going to want to do that.
5:35
[SPEAKER_02]: I can't wait to have my reading because I just got the tip of the iceberg today.
5:38
[SPEAKER_02]: All right, everyone.
5:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Enjoy the show.
5:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey everyone, help me welcome Christine Ray back to the show.
5:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Christine, I'm so excited you are here.
5:48
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you so much for having me, girl.
5:50
[SPEAKER_02]: So we've had on Facebook, you guys.
5:53
[SPEAKER_02]: What we didn't meet on Facebook, we have podcasting community and stuff like that.
5:58
[SPEAKER_02]: And then that's how we got connected.
6:01
[SPEAKER_02]: And Christine, man, your topics and what you cover and what you do now and your healing journey spoke to my heart.
6:08
[SPEAKER_02]: And I was like, mm-hmm, that girl?
6:12
[SPEAKER_02]: we're going to get her booked on this show.
6:14
[SPEAKER_02]: Because you, you have lived through narcissistic abuse, domestic violence, you have survived rebuilt your life.
6:24
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, there's so much to your story that I can relate to too.
6:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I'm excited to get into it with you.
6:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
6:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, now I have like my my own journey with this topic and I've shared a little bit about Um, previous relationships and my story with domestic violence, but I haven't I haven't shared like the whole thing yet.
6:45
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm sure you can really, but girl, it takes bravery to open up about this.
6:52
[SPEAKER_02]: How how how did you even start doing that because I have found myself surrounded by I don't know, I guess a lot of shame and guilt and like, oh my god, I'm
7:05
[SPEAKER_02]: How did I even want that happen?
7:07
[SPEAKER_02]: How did I even get into this position?
7:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Do you have you felt the same thing?
7:10
[SPEAKER_00]: 1,000% yeah, even in the situation still, it was like, you heard of these battered women, right?
7:18
[SPEAKER_00]: And even if that's just emotional, and I was like, there's no way.
7:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I'm a human behavior, I have a human behavior degree.
7:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Like a master's degree.
7:26
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm like, there's no way.
7:27
[SPEAKER_00]: And then there was a battered woman.
7:29
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like,
7:30
[SPEAKER_00]: How did this happen?
7:31
[SPEAKER_00]: How did this happen?
7:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
7:32
[SPEAKER_00]: And then it's hard, too.
7:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, when, you know, I did some, as we were just chatting before we started recording, I did a couple of interviews on a podcast series, and it was still so hard for me to say certain things.
7:44
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, what's okay, you know?
7:45
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I found some solace talking to some friends or lawyers who give me information about what's safe.
7:51
[SPEAKER_00]: but I did end up doing like a tell all interview with two women on a different podcast.
7:57
[SPEAKER_00]: That was terrible.
7:58
[SPEAKER_00]: I really think about like, is this okay?
8:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Am I going to write backlash?
8:03
[SPEAKER_00]: So I get it.
8:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
8:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh my god.
8:04
[SPEAKER_02]: That's been like the biggest thing that I think has like kept me quiet is like, what's the backlash of this?
8:09
[SPEAKER_02]: Who's listening?
8:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Yep.
8:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Who's going to go run and tell someone.
8:14
[SPEAKER_02]: And then you like, well, he's disgusting myself.
8:17
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like,
8:19
[SPEAKER_02]: did this really happen?
8:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
8:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
8:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Is it as bad as my mind is thinking is my story correct?
8:26
[SPEAKER_02]: They're wrong.
8:27
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what?
8:28
[SPEAKER_00]: It's probably
8:29
[SPEAKER_00]: it's probably actually very correct and it's probably worse than you think.
8:33
[SPEAKER_00]: That's kind of what I would.
8:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, so this is what I when I finally shared with friends and was like, like, like, opening up, I mean, obviously immediately someone had to know, like I had a friend in the ER with me the next day, you know, like, that situation, like, people had to know.
8:49
[SPEAKER_02]: close people in my tribe.
8:51
[SPEAKER_02]: But when I was like, okay, you know, the next week I told like two of my closest friends and I'm like telling them the story, I actually have video footage.
9:00
[SPEAKER_02]: My Lord.
9:01
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
9:02
[SPEAKER_02]: And I knew it was, I guess, real.
9:08
[SPEAKER_02]: And I felt,
9:10
[SPEAKER_02]: validated later when I was telling him about it and it was dead silence.
9:17
[SPEAKER_02]: And not in the way of like, oh, we're listening.
9:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, that's you know, it was like, no, you could feel the energy of like dead silence.
9:23
[SPEAKER_02]: And I shared the video with them.
9:24
[SPEAKER_02]: And they were like, my God, Melissa.
9:27
[SPEAKER_02]: And I didn't realize how bad it was until someone else was absolutely just mortified.
9:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Exactly.
9:39
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, so okay.
9:40
[SPEAKER_02]: I need to know your story.
9:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, how did you start doing what you're doing today and helping other people and heal and oh my god, we're going to dive into like destiny cards and human design and all of that, but I got to know like how did this begin for you.
9:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so long story, obviously, as you can really, and we can circle back, but essentially I found myself in this relationship.
10:07
[SPEAKER_00]: It was for four years and 10 months, ultimately by the time I left I knew something wasn't quite right.
10:13
[SPEAKER_00]: I had found human design through a friend and I didn't know what to do.
10:19
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, I don't like this.
10:20
[SPEAKER_00]: I obviously can't change this.
10:23
[SPEAKER_00]: about the relationship but I didn't it's like I'm not going to leave like it's a trauma bond you can't you know what I mean though right so I my thing was like I prayed I was like God if this is not where you want me you got to pull me out because I can't I don't have a strength I don't want to leave so you need to make so that I will because that's kind of the way to get it so and then I was like well I got into this relationship by not living my design
10:51
[SPEAKER_00]: So maybe if I live my human death eye and it'll whatever's not here for me will fall away.
10:56
[SPEAKER_00]: And honestly, that's what I did.
10:58
[SPEAKER_00]: And then after the final assault, I moved on my stuff the next day, and booked a Destiny card reading six days after that.
11:08
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's a wonderful woman named Rosie Cutter.
11:10
[SPEAKER_00]: She's an astrologer to the stars, like all her clients or celebrities.
11:14
[SPEAKER_00]: And um,
11:15
[SPEAKER_00]: So she did a 20 minute rating with me and she explained everything.
11:19
[SPEAKER_00]: She's like, and in it, you know, I'm not into like channeling and media, ship or terror, even like I'm not about that that didn't speak to me.
11:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
11:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, but this is a different thing and it's pre Egyptian.
11:32
[SPEAKER_00]: It's Have you heard of the farmers on the knock?
11:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, it's like that.
11:36
[SPEAKER_00]: It's based it's like we have these planetary influences that actually, oh,
11:39
[SPEAKER_00]: should predict the farming, and it does aim thing for our lives.
11:43
[SPEAKER_00]: So she's like, oh no, sweetie, like, you're this whole year for you is about upleveling yourself love.
11:49
[SPEAKER_00]: And if he wasn't on that level, God had to kick him out.
11:51
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, oh, my gosh, she's like, by the way, you have healthy love coming into your life on December 28th.
11:58
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the exact day I met my husband.
12:01
[SPEAKER_00]: No way.
12:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's been crazy.
12:04
[SPEAKER_00]: And so, you know, even as things started on folding it, she told me I was a nine of clubs.
12:08
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, what the heck did that mean?
12:09
[SPEAKER_00]: So I started looking into it and I'm also a Virgo.
12:11
[SPEAKER_00]: So I was very like, you know, I'm critical.
12:14
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, when I first heard I was a Virgo, I was like, absolutely not that's bullshit.
12:17
[SPEAKER_00]: So.
12:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Anyways, I started learning more about this system, how that worked with human design and then I just hooked.
12:25
[SPEAKER_00]: So now I do readings and I mean, it can be like corporate.
12:29
[SPEAKER_00]: I've helped people with like business partnerships.
12:32
[SPEAKER_00]: That's really my favorite thing to do with it is like compatibility.
12:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Like what, you know, you know, has been, I was like, what is card where our attention is like, what are we going to fight about?
12:40
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's been incredible.
12:42
[SPEAKER_00]: It's been easy.
12:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Wow, and I'm glad you brought that up because we do have a lot of people that listen that don't like the tarot card aspect They don't you know, um a lot of people their catholic, you know, because I was raised very strict catholic and even astrology and all that is like, oh, no No, no, you know, I was always told that's like things of the devil and so I'm glad you brought that up that like this is different
13:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, yeah, my gosh.
13:08
[SPEAKER_00]: I said Sagittarius in church the other day and everybody went and I was like, oh, that's right.
13:13
[SPEAKER_00]: But I can't do that.
13:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you know, but it's funny because the only in the book of Matthew and the Bible are the magic, the three, you know, the three wise men they say and the guys were learned astrologers from the east.
13:29
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm like, hey, if they can worship Jesus, so can I write it.
13:33
[UNKNOWN]: Right.
13:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
13:35
[SPEAKER_02]: So we have a lot of people listening that have probably been in your position or in your position.
13:42
[SPEAKER_02]: They maybe they can relate to things that I was saying to we also have a lot of people in a position that are in that current situation.
13:51
[SPEAKER_02]: Maybe there's not domestic violence, but like they know they're not happy.
13:55
[SPEAKER_02]: They know that like this sucks.
13:58
[SPEAKER_02]: men or women and this is never going to change and I'm not talking to the people that are having like a rough patch in their marriage or need to figure things out.
14:07
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm talking like they know their partner will never change.
14:10
[SPEAKER_02]: They're not willing to change and not willing to do the work like and that's how I was.
14:14
[SPEAKER_02]: I was married for for 17 years and I got to a point and I was like
14:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Damn, this is never going to change.
14:23
[SPEAKER_02]: He will always be this way in this person.
14:26
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's fine.
14:28
[SPEAKER_02]: It's not a match for me.
14:29
[SPEAKER_02]: And there were a lot of things that weren't fine in the relationship.
14:32
[SPEAKER_02]: But I was like, this is not a match for me.
14:34
[SPEAKER_02]: And I had to decide, how did you do it?
14:38
[SPEAKER_02]: That is the number one question that I get asked when people hear my story and I'm like, how I left.
14:44
[SPEAKER_02]: How did you do it?
14:45
[SPEAKER_02]: How did you finally make that last?
14:49
[SPEAKER_02]: step and and the fear of the unknown because you know when you have a life together with someone like yeah share a home and finances and like women like in a way we become dependent in that situation or not we're not working as much or like.
15:04
[SPEAKER_02]: You know because we have a partner and like and there's so many women that are so scared to take the next step and do something different because they're like.
15:14
[SPEAKER_02]: It's impossible.
15:15
[SPEAKER_02]: It seems impossible.
15:16
[SPEAKER_02]: How did you do it?
15:16
[SPEAKER_02]: How did you go that one extra step and leave?
15:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about because leaving is not like we leave all the time.
15:24
[SPEAKER_00]: What does it take like an average of seven times to leave?
15:26
[SPEAKER_00]: So like I'll even start the hard part.
15:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Then they're in your phone, you know, and they're groveling or they're like, who grew in or whatever?
15:31
[SPEAKER_00]: And I mean, if you have kids with a person like my heart just goes out to relate those people, you know, luckily I did not have kids with my ex.
15:40
[SPEAKER_00]: He had to from his past marriage.
15:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Wonderful wonderful kids.
15:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, but a so grateful that I don't have to be tied to someone as co parenting forever, you know, so I have no advice in that situation.
15:54
[SPEAKER_00]: I friends who've done it and those are strong ladies.
15:57
[SPEAKER_00]: So, um, and there's lots of resources like I, there are trauma informed therapists that can help with this kind of a thing.
16:04
[SPEAKER_00]: And with that in mind, that was actually a huge part of my journey was.
16:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, you know, there's talk therapy.
16:10
[SPEAKER_00]: People have mixed opinions on that.
16:12
[SPEAKER_00]: I was worried going into it that I was going to spend hundreds of dollars blabbing on for 12 sessions before, you know, and I just like this at the moment by moment, then you're going crazy every day after, you know, and during.
16:25
[SPEAKER_00]: So for me,
16:27
[SPEAKER_00]: I left like I said after the final assault, I moved on my stuff, this was not the first time I had moved on my stuff right so he's like waiting for an apology from me of course and I'm just like two weeks later I'm just like all right you know what I'm sorry for my part in this and then comes the who bring and then it's like well when are you coming back we can figure this out and I'm in therapy and blah blah.
16:47
[SPEAKER_00]: So I hired two therapists, because I thought it's like help.
16:51
[SPEAKER_00]: So there was one from the friend had recommended from this.
16:55
[SPEAKER_00]: She was online.
16:56
[SPEAKER_00]: She was great.
16:57
[SPEAKER_00]: And then there was better help, which is, I don't know if your listeners would know.
17:01
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's like, it's kind of like an on demand.
17:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, they're all licensed.
17:06
[SPEAKER_00]: So they were like, we can match you up in a couple of days.
17:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you can text with this person.
17:11
[SPEAKER_00]: So I was like, okay, great.
17:11
[SPEAKER_00]: So I both both these therapists.
17:13
[SPEAKER_00]: And what I'm about to say is not
17:16
[SPEAKER_00]: indicative of how better help is, but the therapist that I had on there.
17:23
[SPEAKER_00]: It was nice because she was available, but and she was absolutely, you know, certified and everything and she'd been, I guess, a therapist for like, two, a couple decades, but she had me thinking it was me and I was like, yeah, like I was like, oh, like, oh, I see, you know, but my job with like girl, no, and so when I talk to the other therapist, she instantly and this I was still relieved because again, I was like,
17:48
[SPEAKER_00]: You know how much we ruminate and how much we go back and forth and you know did this detail matter and will maybe I should have not raised my voice and you wouldn't have got a noider whatever it is so this lady was like oh no no this is the cycle of abuse and I'm like what like what how does that work and she's plenty and then she's like this is a trauma bond and she's explaining it to me so for me therapy was.
18:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Neither here nor there, but education is what actually helped my head pull me out of the, you know, dynamic and be like, no, no, this is not you.
18:20
[SPEAKER_00]: This is not him.
18:21
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a dynamic and you need to step away.
18:24
[SPEAKER_00]: That this is a cog in a machine and it's common like this happens all the time.
18:29
[SPEAKER_00]: So for me, it was that education and that's why I wanted to make my limited series that we were talking about just to let people know like I actually have my therapist on there explaining the cycle of views.
18:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Nice.
18:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
18:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, yeah because when you're in it, you don't.
18:44
[SPEAKER_02]: You don't see it, even no matter how smart you are or educated you are or like you don't see it in that education you never know what tool or what episode you created or even this show is going to like make that light bulb go off for someone and be like.
19:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and one of the biggest problems here, too, is that the two top wallities of people who get stuck in this situation are agreeableness and conscientiousness.
19:10
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you're a conscientious person, you're looking inward.
19:13
[SPEAKER_00]: You're willing to take that responsibility and do that work.
19:16
[SPEAKER_00]: So, and they know that.
19:17
[SPEAKER_00]: It's so cool that.
19:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Yep, yep.
19:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
19:21
[SPEAKER_02]: I had a, um,
19:23
[SPEAKER_02]: And I I love therapy and getting help like you said, this isn't like a hit on that or anything, but I remember I was talking to a therapist.
19:32
[SPEAKER_02]: We were talking to the therapist when I was when I was still married and my dear friend is a family marriage therapist, but she can't, you know, she can't be my therapist, but she was my friend during this process in this time.
19:45
[SPEAKER_02]: And I had told her one day what the therapist had told me.
19:48
[SPEAKER_02]: And she said, you know, the therapist who you're seeing and I had an individual session with her and she's like, you know, women around your age who get divorced, you know, they usually fall from grace and I was like, oh.
20:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, I don't, oh, I don't want to fall from, like, what does that mean?
20:07
[SPEAKER_02]: And she's like, they're less income and less distance and so on.
20:11
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, oh, and then I had shared that with my friend one day because she's like, you know, what are you doing?
20:16
[SPEAKER_02]: What will your future look like?
20:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, where would you be in a year from now?
20:19
[SPEAKER_02]: She had asked me that, like, if you stay and everything is the exact same in a year from now, how do you feel about that?
20:24
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm like,
20:25
[SPEAKER_02]: I am not okay.
20:26
[SPEAKER_02]: That makes me want to jump off a cliff like I couldn't even imagine that and I told her what the therapist said and she was like, oh, no, she's like, that is completely her opinion that is wrong, but that kept me there probably a whole another year when I look back on it.
20:42
[SPEAKER_02]: That one statement.
20:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it's like, oh, and she's like, that was not fair.
20:48
[SPEAKER_02]: That was not fair to say to you.
20:50
[SPEAKER_02]: She should never have said that to you.
20:52
[SPEAKER_02]: But I'm all about therapy, but it's finding the right one and the right connection and someone who's actually gonna, you know, listen.
20:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
21:00
[SPEAKER_02]: Once you left like rebuilding from the inside out, what did that part look like for you?
21:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Because physically you probably had to rebuild.
21:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
21:08
[SPEAKER_02]: And then you said, on the inside you had to rebuild, what did that process look like for you?
21:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so a lot of it for me had to do with, well, first of all, remembering, I mean, they say, like, oh, find yourself.
21:21
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, again, Virgo.
21:22
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, I'm right here.
21:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't like, what are you talking about?
21:25
[SPEAKER_00]: But so for me, I went, you know, I went back to my parents place lived in the basement for three months and I was a lump.
21:32
[SPEAKER_00]: And I wasn't eating and my sister like brings me this keto one day.
21:37
[SPEAKER_00]: And she's like, you're going to eat this and I'm not leaving a room until you finish it.
21:40
[SPEAKER_00]: So,
21:40
[SPEAKER_00]: And then it was a lot of, I mean, you're calling out of a black hole.
21:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I don't even know who I am or what I like anymore, because your life was all about them.
21:50
[SPEAKER_00]: So, I mean, the Destiny card stuff was interesting.
21:54
[SPEAKER_00]: It kind of kept my head thinking about things.
21:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Of course, I was rumenating about all of that.
21:59
[SPEAKER_00]: And then a lot of it was getting back into gardening, like I liked when I was a kid or salsa dancing.
22:05
[SPEAKER_00]: I was going salsa dancing every single weekend.
22:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Yep, not shocked getting thrown around by men dancing, you know, so in a good way.
22:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, rude.
22:16
[SPEAKER_00]: So that was huge, uh, getting my friends back, you know, like the friends that can't sit anymore and then they're like, anyway.
22:24
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I'd even like, let's talk about, they're like, let's go out.
22:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's get dinner like us.
22:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Have fun, you know.
22:29
[SPEAKER_00]: So that was huge.
22:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, but honestly, the thing that I am just so grateful that I was able to do was I, I
22:36
[SPEAKER_00]: I had already had my eye on this human design retreat in Costa Rica, so I had gone on one in January, this was 2023.
22:43
[SPEAKER_00]: I went on one, I made some contacts there, and then there was another one in July, that was going to be just for my energy type, I'm a projector.
22:52
[SPEAKER_00]: So I was like, you know what, I'm just going to go to Costa Rica because I had heard that my ex was stalking me like he was like showing up at my softball games, which I didn't even know that he knew I played softball.
23:06
[SPEAKER_00]: So probably being tracked, like I have no idea, and yeah, so there was, oh, and then like he said starting over, I mean, like when we got together, he got me to get rid of my car, so I could drive his and then pay him for the car that I was, the money I was paying for my car anyways.
23:23
[SPEAKER_00]: There was that, um, I worked fine because I had a vehicle situation too.
23:27
[SPEAKER_00]: It's common.
23:29
[SPEAKER_00]: It's part of financial abuse.
23:34
[SPEAKER_02]: continue.
23:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
23:35
[SPEAKER_00]: So I worked full time for him, Rand has business, and was living with him, obviously.
23:40
[SPEAKER_00]: So it was like, and I, again, praise God.
23:43
[SPEAKER_00]: I was 30 by the time I left.
23:45
[SPEAKER_00]: We were never married.
23:45
[SPEAKER_00]: It was cohabitation situation.
23:48
[SPEAKER_00]: And, um,
23:50
[SPEAKER_00]: So by the time I left, you know, I still felt like, oh, my gosh, I was waiting for a ring for five almost five years and now I'm starting over, which is painful in itself at any age.
23:59
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I was like, well, I have to start over anyway.
24:02
[SPEAKER_00]: I have to find a new job.
24:03
[SPEAKER_00]: I have to buy a vehicle.
24:04
[SPEAKER_00]: I have to find a place to live.
24:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, again, this is all adds to the black hole that you're like, how am I getting out of this?
24:11
[SPEAKER_00]: And again, can't imagine doing it with kids.
24:13
[SPEAKER_00]: I have no idea what that must be like.
24:15
[SPEAKER_00]: I might feel for them.
24:18
[SPEAKER_00]: So I went on this retreat.
24:20
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, well, I have to rebuild.
24:21
[SPEAKER_00]: I can rebuild later.
24:21
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, go on this two week retreat.
24:24
[SPEAKER_00]: And girl, when I got there and I got to be around all these projectors and learning about, you know, human design, all this nerdy stuff and just being in nature and seeing like the bird of paradise flowers and being in a bikini.
24:35
[SPEAKER_00]: And of course, I'm like malnourished.
24:36
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm tidy and it's great.
24:38
[SPEAKER_00]: My body relaxed.
24:39
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, I can breathe here.
24:40
[SPEAKER_00]: And at the life came back into me, like, I wanted to do stuff again.
24:44
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, oh, my gosh.
24:48
[SPEAKER_00]: turn flight.
24:49
[SPEAKER_00]: So I literally got someone to come pick me up that I had met in January.
24:53
[SPEAKER_00]: He drove me down to Hawko Beach, which is like in the south.
24:57
[SPEAKER_00]: And I checked into a surf hostel and they're like, how long do you want to say?
25:02
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, I don't know, baby a week, like we'll see, you know, so they just kept extending it my stay because they're like, hey, like you're checking out today and I'm like, nope, I'm just out of another week.
25:12
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's like 20 bucks a night.
25:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Like this is
25:14
[SPEAKER_00]: This is like, it's a hostel.
25:16
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's right on the beach.
25:17
[SPEAKER_00]: There's like a pool bar downstairs.
25:18
[SPEAKER_00]: It's stunning.
25:20
[SPEAKER_00]: And then, so it's now three weeks in.
25:22
[SPEAKER_00]: It's the lion's gate portal.
25:25
[SPEAKER_00]: It's August 8.
25:26
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, I want to stay here and I want to find a job here.
25:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, this is feeling good.
25:30
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, so I write down I'm manifesting my little notebook by the pool and my coffee.
25:36
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm writing down like the kind of job I want to have.
25:38
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, something near water.
25:39
[SPEAKER_00]: I'd love to be bartending again.
25:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Like that seems pretty easy.
25:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Something I don't need like a visa for or whatever.
25:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, you should.
25:45
[SPEAKER_00]: But this is probably a huge problem.
25:47
[SPEAKER_00]: I bring this up actually, but I kid you not.
25:50
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's like supposed to be this when you go away.
25:53
[SPEAKER_00]: So I started, like, I guess they literally just had someone to walk out.
25:57
[SPEAKER_00]: So I started the next day, I think it was.
26:00
[SPEAKER_00]: And yeah, it was like, I had my shorts, and I had my little, like, work tank Tom.
26:05
[SPEAKER_00]: And then, and I just, I stayed at the hospital for a bit, and then I found an apartment on the beach 400 bucks a month, came with a cute little cat.
26:13
[SPEAKER_00]: And that was, it was, it was easy.
26:15
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, it was like, this is, I've no reason to leave.
26:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't need a car here.
26:19
[SPEAKER_00]: I can walk, I've
26:23
[SPEAKER_00]: it was amazing.
26:24
[SPEAKER_00]: And then so that was huge.
26:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Like if if there's women or people out there that can physically get out of the, you know, that's not possible for everybody, but that was huge.
26:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Even if you can just get away for a couple of weeks.
26:36
[SPEAKER_00]: You're out of his their reach.
26:39
[SPEAKER_00]: And
26:40
[SPEAKER_00]: I catch myself using like the feminine as the victim and it that is when I did my own podcast series.
26:46
[SPEAKER_00]: I was hoping that to have more of a representation unfortunately it is a lot of female victimization, but there are men and I've seen it personally.
26:55
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, how it isn't of that.
26:57
[SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, get out of there if you can just take, you know, go somewhere cheap, just change of scenery, remove yourself and let that life be re-read into your body.
27:06
[SPEAKER_02]: All right, can we talk about because you had mentioned like trauma bonding before and now it that's like a real thing we've talked about it before on this podcast it's been a little while but that even when you leave and they come back or they keep texting you or you go on their social media to see if they're posting or just to look or whatever that gives you it's almost like you're addicted to a drug and you're trying to go through withdrawal and those little things.
27:36
[SPEAKER_02]: like it's like a dopamine hit and a hit and a hit even though it's not good for you and you're trying to break free from it you're still getting something from that yeah you're still getting a value to you even though it's not good or helping can you talk to that about that and how much that plays in a role and like how you're saying if you can get away and you can cut and
28:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's true.
28:06
[SPEAKER_00]: And it, you know, it takes time.
28:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, it does.
28:09
[SPEAKER_00]: It didn't get built in one day.
28:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Nope.
28:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, so it does take time for that to lesson.
28:14
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, even I think it was just a couple days ago.
28:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I like saw a certain birthday.
28:20
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I was like.
28:21
[SPEAKER_00]: was that his birthday?
28:22
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, wow, I don't even remember any more, which is crazy because I'm all about birthdays.
28:25
[SPEAKER_00]: So I was like, wow, it's like, you know, and not that it's it hadn't been fading away, definitely.
28:31
[SPEAKER_00]: But I'm like, it actually doesn't trigger me anymore.
28:33
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't even remember that guys birthday.
28:34
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, so it takes time.
28:37
[SPEAKER_00]: It does take immersing yourself into your new life.
28:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Really the self love thing is key because and that's what I went through my journey is like this people don't like to hear this but say girl ships are a mirror you know it's like they will match our level of self love and I'm not blaming the victim that's not what I do but we are.
28:59
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to carefully say we are responsible for our own lives, we allow it, yep, we do allow it and not even consciously, you know, I we pull it to word ourselves to learn the lesson I believe and not that it's like a right of passage or anything, but if you're.
29:16
[SPEAKER_00]: If you are someone who like me is codependent and you're putting everyone else with needs before yours, this is the trajectory of what that turns into, you know, put yourself last, they also put you last because they aren't agreeing to right so self love it's hard, especially as women, we love to serve each other and put everybody else first and you know, it kind of keeps us safe in a way to that's been hard.
29:37
[SPEAKER_00]: I still deal with that.
29:38
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm still like.
29:40
[SPEAKER_00]: man, I really don't have the capacity for that.
29:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Am I a selfish bitch?
29:43
[SPEAKER_00]: No, I don't care because I left that situation, though.
29:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
29:48
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and it got the whole self-love part two.
29:51
[SPEAKER_02]: It's so
29:53
[SPEAKER_02]: it's hard.
29:54
[SPEAKER_02]: It's difficult to find that and accept that because we have been who we are, like our whole life.
30:00
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, if you're 30 years old, we're talking 30 years of undoing and re-learning something that like our parents didn't teach us.
30:10
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, sure, I might have heard like, oh, love yourself and you're so pretty.
30:14
[SPEAKER_02]: You're like something stupid like that.
30:16
[SPEAKER_02]: But no
30:22
[SPEAKER_02]: And no wonder, I attracted relationships that just kept what that belief for so many years going.
30:29
[SPEAKER_02]: I kept it going.
30:30
[SPEAKER_02]: And, you know, after that last relationship for me, I was like, real work.
30:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Real talk this time.
30:38
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't, I don't ever want to be in this and I ended up attracting, I don't know if I've even said this on the podcast now, but I ended up attracting the
30:49
[SPEAKER_02]: literally like obsessed with me.
30:51
[SPEAKER_02]: Like the worth and the value and what he pours into me, which girl, that's a whole other level of like having to learn and accept that.
31:01
[SPEAKER_02]: And what calm and healthy looks like.
31:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Orang, you know.
31:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Exactly.
31:06
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
31:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Healthy and calm looks boring as fuck.
31:10
[SPEAKER_02]: Yep.
31:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely, and you have to like, you have to sit with things that would trigger you, and you also have to learn to not live in chaos, you have to learn like,
31:24
[SPEAKER_02]: This is healthy.
31:26
[SPEAKER_02]: You can live without chaos.
31:29
[SPEAKER_02]: And then you have to catch yourself, not trying to create chaos and drama to just keep that going.
31:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Did you find yourself doing that, too?
31:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Hmm.
31:39
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't think I can't just level either.
31:41
[SPEAKER_02]: It's not like I sat there.
31:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and like, wah-ha-ha.
31:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I'm like, try to stir the pot or poke the bear, but, right.
31:48
[SPEAKER_02]: And there's still moments.
31:49
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm totally honest.
31:50
[SPEAKER_02]: There's still moments where I find myself like, yeah, but, well, hot, you know, I'm like pushing something and it's like, no, let it, would come down.
31:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, what are you doing?
32:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you know, I don't, that's a good question.
32:05
[SPEAKER_00]: I do, I do enjoy.
32:08
[SPEAKER_00]: other people's chaos at times.
32:11
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, girl, I'm like, oh, okay, tell me, you know, and then we will look at the cards and stuff.
32:16
[SPEAKER_00]: And that is part of why I do what I do, like people come to me in crisis.
32:21
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm here for it.
32:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, you know, yeah.
32:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, like I'm totally a coach.
32:27
[SPEAKER_02]: My voice is other people's drama and yes, and be like, okay, let's figure this out.
32:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's Let's reverse engineer this like all this starting like how we get a fix this and like let's keep going.
32:37
[SPEAKER_02]: So this doesn't continue on.
32:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Correct.
32:40
[SPEAKER_00]: It gives us purpose.
32:41
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I'm like, do I create it?
32:44
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like I have
32:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I've changed how I am in relationship and with myself, what I've dealt with after the fact, even while in my, you know, new happy marriage, is like there's still a lot of narcissistic will say patterns behavior of women in my life now, like friend new friends that on me and I'll just be like, oh, like, you can see it now.
33:09
[SPEAKER_00]: you can point it out.
33:11
[SPEAKER_00]: And then some people would think that that is me starting drama, but I'm like, no, no, this is a boundary.
33:17
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you want me to stick around and be nice, I can't speak to how this is going to go because those people don't like people like us who have learned and grown.
33:25
[SPEAKER_00]: So when some people say I start drama, I'm like, maybe, but I know what that is now.
33:30
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, I am not, you know.
33:33
[SPEAKER_00]: And then that gets, I mean, once you've done a number of times, just more and more, you get sick of, it's, I'm not doing this, you know?
33:40
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, no, no, if you wanna be like that, you can do that over there, blocked, like, you know?
33:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, oh, boundaries can create their whole, yes, that's what I'm saying.
33:50
[SPEAKER_00]: It's exactly, and that's why we didn't have any, because then it created, you know, conflict, but yeah, well, and not having boundaries.
33:57
[SPEAKER_02]: We think it creates quote unquote, ear quotes piece.
34:00
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, yeah, at our expense.
34:02
[SPEAKER_02]: It's goable or not not goable.
34:04
[SPEAKER_02]: I guess goable, but just like I go with the flow and like yeah create problems.
34:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
34:09
[SPEAKER_02]: You want to create so much inner turmoil.
34:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
34:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Mm-hmm.
34:13
[SPEAKER_00]: But that's hard.
34:14
[SPEAKER_00]: I still deal with that.
34:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh yeah, but it's it's crazy how much you can see and I think this probably is what makes us so good at what we do because you can see it a mile away starting and you can be like, that's gaslighting.
34:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, like like I want you know if I've talked to a client like I want you to take a step back and I want you to see with that person just told you and how you're feelings just completely got dismissed.
34:39
[SPEAKER_02]: And just, and sit without for a minute and then I'm like, God, when I was in an I didn't see it at all.
34:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, of course.
34:47
[SPEAKER_02]: I was like, wow, I'm the problem.
34:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
34:51
[SPEAKER_02]: I saw a real the other day and it said something like, um, you know, because people asked like, am I the narcissist?
34:58
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
34:58
[SPEAKER_02]: Am I the problem?
34:59
[SPEAKER_02]: And the guy was like, listen here.
35:01
[SPEAKER_02]: If you are asking this question and you're not really concerned, yeah, there is no way it's you because they don't have empathy.
35:10
[SPEAKER_02]: They don't look within.
35:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
35:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Yep.
35:14
[SPEAKER_00]: And that helps a lot too, because there are moments of that.
35:16
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, maybe it is me.
35:17
[SPEAKER_00]: And then it's like, but it's not because I'm concerned that it's me.
35:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Exactly.
35:23
[SPEAKER_02]: Exactly.
35:23
[SPEAKER_02]: And that concern right there is key.
35:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
35:26
[SPEAKER_02]: The willingness to change.
35:27
[SPEAKER_02]: The willingness to listen, the willingness to own the the whole situation and the responsibility.
35:33
[SPEAKER_02]: That right there tells you a lot about yourself.
35:38
[UNKNOWN]: Okay.
35:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, tell me about these destiny cards.
35:40
[SPEAKER_02]: I need to know about this.
35:42
[SPEAKER_02]: I need, and then can we do arena?
35:44
[SPEAKER_00]: So this is the easiest way for me to describe it.
35:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
35:47
[SPEAKER_00]: When people say now, they're like, what do you do?
35:49
[SPEAKER_00]: And like, now I have a way that I describe what I do.
35:52
[SPEAKER_00]: But here's what I start with as I just say, what's your birthday?
35:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, give me one second.
35:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so yes, so I have it up here.
36:00
[SPEAKER_00]: So Destiny cards is an ancient system.
36:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I said, I was a little wary at first because I, I'm just not about Terrell, it's always felt a little dark to me like it feels.
36:12
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's intuitive.
36:13
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm like, is it the sandwich they had for lunch telling them that like what, you know, I can burgo here.
36:19
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm just like, what, you know, what are you telling me that the card fell out and that means something like for me, I'm just like, I don't know guys.
36:26
[SPEAKER_00]: This is a pre-dustin, like it's a pre set up.
36:30
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not pulling cards.
36:31
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not like, okay, there is, there is subjective, but the data doesn't change.
36:38
[SPEAKER_00]: It's statistical, I'm just like the farmers
36:42
[SPEAKER_00]: It actually predates the taro.
36:44
[SPEAKER_00]: It's based on astrology and numerology, ancient sciences.
36:50
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's based on the, what the original 52 card deck was.
36:54
[SPEAKER_00]: created for which was the weather.
36:56
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a calendar, but this is what the Gregorian calendar is based on.
36:58
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
36:59
[SPEAKER_00]: So every birthday has a card and so your card and not so there are not every birthday is just how do I say this?
37:09
[SPEAKER_00]: There are several of each card.
37:11
[SPEAKER_00]: So just because I say you're an aid of diamonds that does like that people won't know your birthday from that.
37:16
[SPEAKER_00]: There's several
37:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so then based on your sun sign, you have a second card in your in the spread of the first one.
37:27
[SPEAKER_00]: So you are not only in eight of diamonds, but you're also an ace of clubs and then you have a what we call a definite ruler the third card.
37:36
[SPEAKER_00]: based on the the deacon of where your birthday falls in the sense.
37:40
[SPEAKER_00]: I see you're also in a club.
37:42
[SPEAKER_00]: This, the you are intense.
37:44
[SPEAKER_00]: And I, I feel like this makes a lot of sense where our conversation has been already.
37:47
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like spicy and I love chatting with you.
37:50
[SPEAKER_00]: It's funny because you're actually my ex's card, the aid of diamond.
37:53
[SPEAKER_00]: And that card has the capacity to be
37:56
[SPEAKER_00]: let me say it like this.
37:58
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a high and a low of everything.
37:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
38:00
[SPEAKER_00]: The eight of diamonds card where it sits, it's in the most desired spot in the deck.
38:06
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's like fame, recognition, beauty, money, abundance.
38:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Like it's eight of diamonds.
38:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Like we're talking money.
38:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Like this is, you know, values.
38:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you don't overcharge for anything because you, you freaking deliver.
38:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you,
38:24
[SPEAKER_00]: No, you don't skip people like you don't you don't you don't overcharge or or give people less than what their services were like you don't you're straight up Then the low side is that you could be you could be a bully with money or here's the thing if you're not you will attract someone to teach you that lesson
38:46
[SPEAKER_00]: It's karma.
38:47
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, oh, here's my thing.
38:49
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a nine of clubs.
38:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Apparently every nine of clubs is what one of the karmic themes is promiscuity and cheating because we're in search of the perfect like love relationship.
39:00
[SPEAKER_00]: If we're unsatisfied in a in a marriage or whatever, we'll cheat.
39:04
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the that's the pattern.
39:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Except I was like, I'm never fucking cheating ever.
39:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I watched that shit go down and I'm like,
39:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Cheaters, right?
39:15
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's like, I don't learn the lesson either way.
39:17
[SPEAKER_00]: So again, it's like on the low, you could be this financial bully and if if you refuse to learn that through you, then you're going to learn it.
39:26
[SPEAKER_00]: There's someone else.
39:27
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's fast.
39:28
[SPEAKER_00]: I did right.
39:30
[SPEAKER_00]: So.
39:30
[SPEAKER_00]: And then your second card, so Ace of Club, this is an extremely ambitious card.
39:35
[SPEAKER_00]: It's actually something it's called a semi fixed card.
39:38
[SPEAKER_00]: And so you kind of have this cosmic soul twin, which happens to be one of my other cards, the two of parts.
39:44
[SPEAKER_00]: So you and I are very similar.
39:45
[SPEAKER_00]: We have a similar karma in a way.
39:46
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's totally make me.
39:49
[SPEAKER_00]: And then your third card, this is going to be funny.
39:51
[SPEAKER_00]: This is this is the highest gift on the spiritual side.
39:55
[SPEAKER_00]: It's the queen of clubs.
39:57
[SPEAKER_00]: The mother of intuition that she's she's a service oriented authority.
40:03
[SPEAKER_00]: And she leads with her intuition that's the highest right now to go to the side in the circles me and Rosie we call this the ultimate content.
40:10
[SPEAKER_00]: So there could be like aggressive driving like you're very, or again, if not you you'll attract people like this where you can be extremely impatient and you just have no patience for people because they should fucking know like they should just know you know, but it is as a queen like you're going to be this feminine side of it and you're very intuitive.
40:29
[SPEAKER_00]: So like when I just pulled up all these cards right now, I was like, oh shit.
40:36
[SPEAKER_00]: You know.
40:40
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, so this is like, you know, and I go through each of these also has like Achilles heels and they have these karmic patterns and people that are destined to come into their lives, teach them certain things.
40:50
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is where a lot of healing happens in my sessions like people that are going through these crazy situations are these.
40:56
[SPEAKER_00]: you know, drop breaking trauma bonds.
40:58
[SPEAKER_00]: It helps to see like here's the energy behind why this happening, because you can kind of forget like pull yourself out of it.
41:05
[SPEAKER_00]: And even just the dynamics, like if you have too much Mars and Saturn with someone, that is going to be abuses, unless you're aware, like all awareness always transcends these cards.
41:14
[SPEAKER_00]: But it helps to see it in a, you know, a dynamic in a like a formula almost.
41:20
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's, you know, a little synopsis, and then I also can see your future themes.
41:28
[SPEAKER_00]: It's more like a weather report.
41:30
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is my faith comes into it, right?
41:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Because like, yeah, the Bible totally says, God hates divination.
41:35
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, well, then what the hell am I doing?
41:37
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's like, it is like, again, how the magi found Christ, they start like this was ultimately used for farming.
41:46
[SPEAKER_00]: This is it's not predicting your your fate or your destiny.
41:50
[SPEAKER_00]: It's called destiny cards, but it's more like the weather.
41:53
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like,
41:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I like how you said theme.
41:55
[SPEAKER_02]: It's more like, it is.
41:57
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, you know, I mean, what I kind of get snarky and say to people is like, oh, is it, is it from the devil to check the weather?
42:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, that's all this is.
42:06
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, if you wanted to take a trip.
42:08
[SPEAKER_00]: And I look at the weather and it's like, well, there's going to be a tornado over here, sweetie.
42:12
[SPEAKER_00]: So maybe we reroute or we change the time.
42:14
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, or it's like they're saying that it's going to be a snowstorm.
42:17
[SPEAKER_00]: So why the hell would you go to the beach and bikini like go skiing?
42:20
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, it's this kind of a thing.
42:22
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just showing whether you still have choice.
42:24
[SPEAKER_00]: There's high and lows of the cards.
42:26
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, so, but it is.
42:27
[SPEAKER_00]: It helps with making decisions for that reason.
42:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, that's my theme for the year your theme is actually so you have free because you have free cards.
42:39
[SPEAKER_00]: And it also we can we can zoom out and go to like seven year you know spread we can do your life spread we can do your daily cards weekly cards I like to use the annual because it just the principle is the longer that a card is over top of you the more power it has so for example for you this year starting on your birthday of 2026 that's like it doesn't go from new years to New Year's eat it goes from birthday to birthday oh okay ever since your birthday your theme is.
43:08
[SPEAKER_00]: a nine of hearts.
43:09
[SPEAKER_00]: And so nine represents endings, graduations, completions, fulfillment.
43:15
[SPEAKER_00]: There's like, again, it can be disappointing because it's an ending or it can be graduation celebration.
43:20
[SPEAKER_00]: Parts represents, um, obviously relationships loved ones emotions.
43:25
[SPEAKER_00]: So when we see a nine of
43:31
[SPEAKER_00]: like if they're if they want to get a divorce, it can be a great year for them to get a divorce because you have this ending energy.
43:37
[SPEAKER_00]: If you are single and you want to be married, a nine of hearts can represent the end of your single era and you end up getting married that year.
43:44
[SPEAKER_00]: This in this way, it's the weather kind of a thing.
43:46
[SPEAKER_00]: And then in your other card, I hope.
43:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, perfect.
43:52
[SPEAKER_00]: You have a king of clubs.
43:54
[SPEAKER_00]: So there is mastery and authority in communication and spoken, who idea which your you are right doing the podcast and likely many other things.
44:05
[SPEAKER_00]: I can even see to your.
44:08
[SPEAKER_00]: your challenges for the year and the results.
44:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, God.
44:12
[SPEAKER_00]: So your third theme for the year is a two of clubs, which represents exactly what we're doing right now.
44:17
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like conversation over ideas.
44:20
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
44:20
[SPEAKER_00]: And your challenges like the things you really want this year, all have to do with.
44:25
[SPEAKER_00]: And you can edit this project as you want, um, it looks like financial stability.
44:30
[SPEAKER_00]: You have this four of diamonds.
44:31
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's like we want to just solidify things up even if money is flowing.
44:35
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like we just want it to be consistent.
44:36
[SPEAKER_00]: We want to plug the holes.
44:38
[SPEAKER_00]: We want better organization.
44:39
[SPEAKER_00]: This kind of a thing.
44:41
[SPEAKER_00]: And then you also have this restlessness in love.
44:43
[SPEAKER_00]: You have a five of parts.
44:44
[SPEAKER_00]: So like you want you want to change.
44:46
[SPEAKER_00]: You want it, you know, maybe you want to take a trip like a trap.
44:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you want to travel with whoever you're seeing right now.
44:52
[SPEAKER_00]: or there can just be restlessness.
44:54
[SPEAKER_00]: You're like, I want to, you know, I kind of want to meet some new people.
44:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Or I want to change in my relationship status.
44:59
[SPEAKER_00]: That's already showed up, you know, in the way of an ending.
45:01
[SPEAKER_00]: You, you are, though, in a very auspicious cycle.
45:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Like last year was a big year for like fame and recognition and money for you.
45:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you may have even launched this podcast last year, like something like that.
45:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Uh-huh.
45:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Next year, you receive something that you have been wanting for like seven to 15 years.
45:20
[SPEAKER_00]: It's called a wish fulfillment year.
45:21
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a most blessed year.
45:22
[SPEAKER_00]: We're getting something big that you've wanted for a long time.
45:26
[SPEAKER_00]: So make a list.
45:28
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
45:29
[SPEAKER_00]: And that again, that starts on your birthday next year.
45:32
[SPEAKER_02]: These per seven to 15 years, I wanted it.
45:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Yep.
45:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Interesting.
45:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god, this is so cool.
45:41
[SPEAKER_00]: I know.
45:41
[SPEAKER_00]: And then there's also, like, when people come to me with questions, like, how do I make money this year?
45:45
[SPEAKER_00]: We're looking at their Jupiter cards.
45:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Or, you know, how, what's my relationship's asked going to be like, we look at their Venus.
45:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, it's broken into these 52-day periods.
45:55
[SPEAKER_00]: OK, so 52 cards in a deck.
45:57
[SPEAKER_00]: 52 weeks in a year, seven days in a week, seven visible planets.
46:00
[SPEAKER_00]: It's this whole matrix that breaks them down.
46:03
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm actually just wrapping up what's called a magi certification.
46:08
[SPEAKER_00]: So I was already learning the system, but I'm getting certified by the guy who like, created the, the, the modern use of the system.
46:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
46:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh my God.
46:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, so people can reach out.
46:21
[SPEAKER_02]: book a call, book a reading with you, and work through this.
46:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, do they do it multiple times?
46:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, would they do multiple sessions and work with you?
46:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, because this is a lot of information that you just gave about myself.
46:34
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm just like, holy crap.
46:36
[SPEAKER_02]: I want to do more.
46:36
[SPEAKER_02]: So I can't imagine this takes.
46:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
46:39
[SPEAKER_00]: And what I do as a nine of clubs, as I tend to data dump people, because I'm so excited, like, even if you light up, right?
46:46
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I'm like, do you got to know this?
46:47
[SPEAKER_00]: And so what I used to do is like, go nuts.
46:50
[SPEAKER_00]: you know spaghetti at the wall fire hose people for 60 minutes.
46:54
[SPEAKER_00]: And then
46:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Bless this course.
46:56
[SPEAKER_00]: They're like, you got to find out what their biggest problem is right now.
47:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, not in a pain point thing, but they're like, how can I best serve you in 60 minutes?
47:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Is it gonna be data dumping, or do you wanna talk about what really matters to you?
47:08
[SPEAKER_00]: So, we call it a transformational card reading.
47:11
[SPEAKER_00]: So, when I honestly, when I tell people about their cards, and we go deeper, and I say, here's part of the card, my, here's always gonna be a problem, that it's a lifetime theme, a challenge that you have, and you will get to the other side of it.
47:23
[SPEAKER_00]: It just helps you also give yourself permission to be you and not be ashamed about that kind of a thing.
47:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, you know, when I say to someone like you and eight of diamonds, like, yeah, you're overbearing and you have power and control issues.
47:35
[SPEAKER_00]: You can just stop feeling bad about that because it's just part of the way you are.
47:38
[SPEAKER_00]: And then you grow that in service, right?
47:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
47:41
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, it's it's amazing that way.
47:42
[SPEAKER_00]: It adds lightness.
47:44
[SPEAKER_00]: And then so a lot of people's questions are honestly covered in just talking about their parts.
47:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, that's just aspects of their personality,
47:51
[SPEAKER_00]: And then yeah, we just, you know, is it love?
47:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Is it money, relationship, health?
47:54
[SPEAKER_00]: We're going to look at your Saturn?
47:56
[SPEAKER_00]: What, yeah, it's like if they've got like a death card, that doesn't always mean death.
48:01
[SPEAKER_00]: In fact, most of the time it doesn't.
48:02
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's like, this could be tricky for you this year.
48:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, some things ending could be a friendship, could be a habit.
48:08
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know,
48:09
[SPEAKER_00]: and there's like again, we can always look at the high and low expression.
48:12
[SPEAKER_00]: So so it's good, you know, and this is why for me with my faith, it doesn't negate.
48:19
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, all right, this is not I'm not praying to the cards and not worshiping them.
48:23
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm using them like a weather report to understand what God's doing in my life or what God's doing the life of my client, you know?
48:30
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's uh, but it's been a tricky balancing act to like balance the two, you know what I mean?
48:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, but, and like all of your journey and your healing and your insight, just it make, I can tell it makes you better at this.
48:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Like you like that is what makes you special and unique and how you can do this.
48:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, there's a reason, and there's a lesson that we've learned like we were talking about earlier that that person was supposed to teach you a lesson, you know, that situation was, oh my god, Christie, where can people find you?
49:02
[SPEAKER_02]: How can they
49:06
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, give it to us all.
49:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
49:08
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm on Instagram.
49:10
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm on Facebook too.
49:11
[SPEAKER_00]: So, you know, add me as a friend, whatever it is.
49:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, but Instagram, there's a link in my bio.
49:17
[SPEAKER_00]: I like to keep it pretty easy.
49:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not very good at like text stacks and everything.
49:21
[SPEAKER_00]: So I like like link book.
49:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, yeah, and actually not even like I don't even have a calendar.
49:26
[SPEAKER_00]: I did for a while and then I'm just like, you know what I do work very personally with people.
49:30
[SPEAKER_00]: So I literally have like a Google form link.
49:32
[SPEAKER_00]: It says book a reading and then you fill the form.
49:35
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, hey, here's where to pay and then we reach out and schedule like it's like, hey, when are you free.
49:40
[SPEAKER_00]: I could do that.
49:41
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, whatever it is dependent, you know, also based on if they want just like.
49:45
[SPEAKER_00]: a birthday they're like oh my birthday is coming up can we do a 16-minute call on my birthday you know that's not as urgent as someone that's like yo I need to know what just dropped this afternoon and I'm like I got you so so it is very personal so for that reason I don't have like a calendar that I need to check I'm also a paper calendar girlie so that doesn't work very well with my with my jam but that's the yeah Instagram link and bio um that's really the easiest way perfect and what what is your Instagram?
50:12
[SPEAKER_00]: at bikini boss, bikini has two eyes.
50:16
[SPEAKER_00]: So B, I, K, I and I, I boss.
50:20
[SPEAKER_00]: It has a lot more than two eyes.
50:21
[SPEAKER_02]: But we'll put it in the show notes, everyone can click on it and see it, too.
50:25
[SPEAKER_02]: But you said birthday, too, and I was like, oh my god, this would be such a cool gift to give someone for birthday.
50:32
[SPEAKER_02]: I get that a lot, too.
50:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
50:34
[SPEAKER_02]: I did, because you know how you're always like, what do I get my girlfriend?
50:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, would I, like, would I, would I get my girlfriend?
50:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, what do I even get her?
50:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, the, and this would, and I record every reading.
50:43
[SPEAKER_00]: So you can listen back because I give dates too.
50:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I can say, you know, like Melissa, you have in your Jupiter this year of full transformation happening.
50:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, you can really make money from doing some deep
50:57
[SPEAKER_00]: transformational changes in what you're doing.
51:00
[SPEAKER_00]: If you want to, you know, there's creativity there too, like so it's and that's the point of this is that starts, I won't say it on here, but like on a certain date.
51:10
[SPEAKER_00]: So when I'm doing a reading with a client, I'll give dates of like, hey, here's when this energy, you know, if you're going to snowstorms hitting and then they can listen back and even though we might make some kind of general predictions, they're like,
51:24
[SPEAKER_00]: dead on and a different, like it's the same energy, different expression.
51:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
51:28
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's really helpful for people when they're like, what's going on?
51:30
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to relish into my reading and just see, you know, what was happening at this timeline.
51:34
[SPEAKER_00]: So I record every single one.
51:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god, this is so cool.
51:39
[SPEAKER_02]: Chris, do you have been such a blessing to this show?
51:41
[SPEAKER_02]: This is awesome.
51:42
[SPEAKER_02]: I really am grateful that you came on that we could talk about this, dive in.
51:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for sharing your story and your journey.
51:51
[SPEAKER_02]: you just never know what episode is going to hit someone.
51:54
[SPEAKER_02]: You never know where this is going to fall and it changes someone like someone's life and they just needed to hear this message at this moment, this time and then this person or this woman gets out, you know, and she's like, I just heard stories from two different women there and they did it, I can do it, too.
52:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely.
52:14
[SPEAKER_00]: And I will mention to you on Spotify and YouTube is my it's just 12 episodes.
52:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
52:19
[SPEAKER_00]: It's called dating after DVD.
52:21
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's I literally made it just done women or people in that circumstance.
52:25
[SPEAKER_00]: I actually interviewed men on there too of their experience.
52:27
[SPEAKER_00]: So again, it's not just for them.
52:28
[SPEAKER_00]: But if that is something that people are dealing with.
52:31
[SPEAKER_00]: I would love that's obviously free resource.
52:34
[SPEAKER_00]: the first episode actually I interviewed the ex wife of the wolf of Wall Street, which was fascinating, so she's on there too, but yet dating after D.V.
52:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, on Spotify, YouTube.
52:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, we'll put that in the show notes and links to that, too.
52:47
[SPEAKER_02]: This was incredible.
52:48
[SPEAKER_02]: Like I can't thank you enough for coming on and just being brave and sharing your story.
52:52
[SPEAKER_02]: and helping others know that there is hope at the end of the tunnel and you can do this.
52:57
[SPEAKER_02]: You guys book a call and a reading with Christy.
53:00
[SPEAKER_02]: This is so cool.
53:02
[SPEAKER_02]: You have to give me the date when we end.
53:03
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you again.
53:04
[SPEAKER_02]: This was great.
53:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Everyone stay safe.
53:06
[SPEAKER_02]: Stay healthy.
53:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Until next time.
53:09
[SPEAKER_02]: The Bomb Life Podcasts is for informational and entertainment purposes only, the content share here is not intended as medical, legal, or professional advice.
53:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Always consult with a qualified professional, if you're making any health fitness, financial or legal decisions, the opinions shared on this podcast are personal, experiences, and insight.
53:24
[SPEAKER_02]: So if you need expert guidance, go find the right professional for you.
53:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Thanks for listening.