Latest / Beyond Limits With Olivia Marie / What Blocks Safety In Your Nervous System: Don’t Make These Mistakes!
Transcript
- 0:01SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Live Well Podcast.
- 0:03SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Liv, a naturopathic doctor, a mentor, energy healer, a cost of creator, intuitive, energetic business mentor, and honestly, so much more.
- 0:12SPEAKER_00: I help you heal on a physical and emotional level so that you can feel delicious in your health, body, relationships, career, and a bank account.
- 0:20SPEAKER_00: This show is for those of you who are looking to go beyond the basic wellness stuff, cut out the BS and really create a life that you love.
- 0:27SPEAKER_00: We talk about health, trauma healing, energetics, feminine energy, wealth, and magnetism so that you can live a life that feels delicious.
- 0:35SPEAKER_00: In these episodes, we will have an honest conversation without the fluffy bullshit.
- 0:39SPEAKER_00: You walk away with all of the insights, tools, and tips to truly live your best life, mind, body, and soul.
- 0:46SPEAKER_00: If you are looking to live well, you are in the right place.
- 0:49SPEAKER_00: For ways to work with me, visit keepupwithlive.com and follow me on Instagram at keep up with live for more.
- 0:54SPEAKER_00: And with that, let's get into the show.
- 0:57SPEAKER_00: Hello, everyone, and welcome to a new episode of the podcast.
- 1:02SPEAKER_00: I am really excited to be back because we are talking about what blocks safety in your nervous system and how to actually be safe, bring in safety, etc.
- 1:14SPEAKER_00: You guys know I'm a nervous system queen.
- 1:15SPEAKER_00: I feel like I should get that like trademark nervous system queen because if there's one thing I know in all aspects of life, it's nervous system.
- 1:23SPEAKER_00: And it's one thing to create safety in the nervous system, but it's another thing to understand what is preventing it from actually being there and what blocks you from feeling safe, right?
- 1:34SPEAKER_00: It's like you can put really delicious icing on a cake that tastes bad.
- 1:39SPEAKER_00: But if like the cake is blocking the yeah, the cake from tasting good, like the icing is only gonna do so much.
- 1:46SPEAKER_00: And oftentimes I see people kind of try to do the icing version where they try to bring in safety, not realizing that a large portion of it it's actually what is preventing safety in the first place, right?
- 1:58SPEAKER_00: Because our nervous systems are innately regulated.
- 2:02SPEAKER_00: Our nervous systems are innately calm.
- 2:05SPEAKER_00: Our nervous systems are innately like yeah, regulated and calm, chill.
- 2:10SPEAKER_00: But it's the things that happen to us that then make us dysregulated and make it not calm and prevent it from happening, right?
- 2:17SPEAKER_00: We are born into this world, not dysregulated, unless, like, perhaps you were literally born into this world dysregulated, which is why I call one of safety.
- 2:26SPEAKER_00: We are doing womb and birth stuff.
- 2:28SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes if you've had like you were came into this world kind of traumatically, that can actually wire your nervous system for a lack of safety.
- 2:35SPEAKER_00: So then you may wonder why the rest of your life there's a lack of safety in your system.
- 2:39SPEAKER_00: So I will give a thing to like birth trauma and like, you know, maybe your mom had a C-section or there's an emergency or this or that, which can also wire your system.
- 2:47SPEAKER_00: But there's also things that happened when you were like less than two and also like under seven that really dictated how your nervous system responds.
- 2:56SPEAKER_00: So those two ages, under two and under seven, are really places to pay attention in terms of what can block safety in your nervous system.
- 3:04SPEAKER_00: Because those are really where your brain is forming its decisions about the world.
- 3:08SPEAKER_00: Your brain in your nervous system is forming its conditions about what it believes about the world.
- 3:13SPEAKER_00: It's forming its filters about how it sees the world.
- 3:16SPEAKER_00: So if there are times in that period where there was a lack of safety, your nervous system then created a coding, if you will, in your nervous system that dictates, oh, this is not safe.
- 3:29SPEAKER_00: You know, XYZ is not safe, or when this happens, it is not safe.
- 3:33SPEAKER_00: And then it does that to protect you.
- 3:35SPEAKER_00: But if you have this coding in your system, in your brain, since you were lesson two, lesson seven, whenever it happened, it's gonna be very hard to break until you change that coating.
- 3:45SPEAKER_00: And then that is where we get the feeling of throwing spaghetti on the wall, hoping it's going to stick, right?
- 3:50SPEAKER_00: You're like, all right, Liv, like, you know, I'm doing the parasympathetic days, you know, I'm sitting on the couch, I'm chilling, I'm relaxing my nervous system.
- 4:00SPEAKER_00: But, and this is gonna be number one thing.
- 4:02SPEAKER_00: I wasn't gonna do this one first, but we'll go with it.
- 4:05SPEAKER_00: The number one, one of the things that blocks safety in your nervous system is that you're trying to have like parasympathetic days or doing these parasympathetic things for your system, but what's actually in there is a blocked nervous system because it doesn't feel safe.
- 4:19SPEAKER_00: So you cannot bring in safety until you've actually allowed it to remove what does not make it feel safe.
- 4:26SPEAKER_00: For example, you could be trying to rest and you're like, all right, I took a lazy Sunday, you know, a slow morning or, you know, did this.
- 4:34SPEAKER_00: But if your system doesn't perceive that as safe, it's not actually anchoring in safety.
- 4:39SPEAKER_00: It's like throwing spaghetti at the wall and you're like, well, you know, I'm doing all this stuff and it's quote unquote not working.
- 4:44SPEAKER_00: It's not that it's not working, it's just that we need to remove or prevent safety in your nervous system first, right?
- 4:50SPEAKER_00: And so if you feel like you're doing the things for your nervous system and it's not responding the way you should, maybe your HRV is still in the 30s.
- 4:58SPEAKER_00: And if you're not familiar with HRV, I did an episode two or three back, kind of about um her availability and how that's a great measure for your nervous system.
- 5:07SPEAKER_00: So we will link that down in the description box or just go a couple episodes back as well.
- 5:11SPEAKER_00: You want it over 100 essentially.
- 5:14SPEAKER_00: You know, you might be like, I'm doing all these things and it's still in the 30s.
- 5:17SPEAKER_00: Chances are there are things that your body is still responding to from before that has not reached biological completion.
- 5:24SPEAKER_00: So let's say something happened, like you were less than two that, you know, maybe your parents split up.
- 5:30SPEAKER_00: That can be a lack of safety, right?
- 5:32SPEAKER_00: Because your home unit, you know, one of your needs, we have needs of like food, shelter, and like someone to take care of us, could be threatened.
- 5:39SPEAKER_00: Right.
- 5:40SPEAKER_00: And so then you have your beliefs and the conditions that your brain and nervous system entered into your coding about this is not safe.
- 5:50SPEAKER_00: And so until it learns that that is actually untrue, your 30-year-old self is still reacting to the fact that, you know, when you were two, your parents divorced, or maybe when you're five.
- 6:02SPEAKER_00: Now, that is like one small example.
- 6:04SPEAKER_00: Parents can be together and you can still not feel safe.
- 6:06SPEAKER_00: You know, parents could be fighting and you not feel safe.
- 6:11SPEAKER_00: I don't want you to think of safety as in, oh, nobody hit me or like abused me so that I had safety, because it's not necessarily true.
- 6:21SPEAKER_00: Right?
- 6:22SPEAKER_00: Lack of safety can be your mom wasn't around because she was working a lot, but she loved you, but she had to work a lot, you know, to put food on the table and to provide for you.
- 6:31SPEAKER_00: You might then feel abandoned, which makes a lack of safety in your system, even though you logically know that mom was doing it because she loved you.
- 6:38SPEAKER_00: So I go through a bunch of those examples in the previous, or no, two previous episodes ago.
- 6:42SPEAKER_00: And so go back and listen to those examples.
- 6:44SPEAKER_00: But those are like number the one things that block safety is that people don't realize that they're still reacting to things in their nervous system from when they were like young that haven't reached biological completion.
- 6:57SPEAKER_00: And so that emotion, that trauma is repressed, and your body has been on overdrive for the last, you know, however old you are since then, trying to complete it, but it hasn't.
- 7:08SPEAKER_00: And then that's when we get fatigue and burnout and things like that.
- 7:11SPEAKER_00: So I want you to think about like safety as whether it was neglect, whether it was abandonment, whether it was rejection, whether it was physical abuse.
- 7:19SPEAKER_00: Obviously, that's like a more severe form of like lack of safety, mental abuse, emotional abuse, name-calling, anything like that.
- 7:28SPEAKER_00: Um, me getting made to feel small.
- 7:30SPEAKER_00: That's like a lack of safety, right?
- 7:32SPEAKER_00: Uh, not feeling safe to even show your emotions.
- 7:34SPEAKER_00: Even like when emotions come up and you were punished for showing your emotions, or you were punished for crying, or you can remember like you were upset and angry and throwing a tantrum, and mom like yelled at you and scared the living daylights out of you, and then you never did it again, right?
- 7:48SPEAKER_00: That's I remember there's a story my mom always tells me, and I didn't realize until later, just how like, oh, that explains it.
- 7:56SPEAKER_00: Apparently, I had thrown like this big tantrum in the mall one day, and essentially, like, she yelled at me and scared me so much and yelled at me that I never, you know, threw a tantrum again.
- 8:10SPEAKER_00: And it's crazy because you might think, like, oh, that's good.
- 8:14SPEAKER_00: However, it's not because it created such a lack of safety of like expressing my emotions.
- 8:19SPEAKER_00: And if you're unfamiliar with the fact that like children feel these big emotions and throw like quote unquote tantrums or have these emotional outbursts because their brain is actually developing and they don't know what to do with everything they're feeling and processing.
- 8:32SPEAKER_00: So it comes out sometimes that way because they're literally so overwhelmed.
- 8:36SPEAKER_00: And then we punish them and put fear in them and create a lack of safety in them, where then they don't feel safe to express their emotions and they get punished for doing so.
- 8:44SPEAKER_00: Anyways, that's a separate episode, but that's another example of how you can create a lack of safety in the nervous system for something really so small or like quote unquote small.
- 8:53SPEAKER_00: Again, listen to the thing about normal childhood, and you'll start to see that like these little things.
- 8:58SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to be something like, you know, mom or dad hit you for there to be a lack of safety.
- 9:03SPEAKER_00: It can be small things like this.
- 9:05SPEAKER_00: So that's kind of like one of the things that I see blocking safety.
- 9:10SPEAKER_00: Another thing is really the avoidance mentality or the whole like you're only good until.
- 9:19SPEAKER_00: And there's like a trend I see where people are kind of like avoiding their triggers in the name of like safety, which doesn't actually anchor safety into your nervous system.
- 9:29SPEAKER_00: What it does is it makes your nervous system walk on eggshells.
- 9:32SPEAKER_00: And that walk on eggshells feeling does not feel safe, right?
- 9:36SPEAKER_00: If we were to think about what feels safe, what feels grounding, what feels rooted, it's like stable, it's unwavering.
- 9:43SPEAKER_00: You don't feel like you have to walk on eggshells.
- 9:45SPEAKER_00: But if you're constantly just avoiding, avoiding, avoiding looking at things, that doesn't mean you're not triggerable.
- 9:51SPEAKER_00: That just means you're walking on eggshells and then your nervous system is constantly on like hyper awareness, it's constantly on hypervigilance, waiting to react to the next thing because you're just avoiding every little thing that's actually trying to make you reach biological completion.
- 10:07SPEAKER_00: And that's what's a funny thing, people don't understand.
- 10:09SPEAKER_00: The reason you keep getting triggered is because your body is trying to actually complete the trigger, it's trying to complete the trauma so you can be free.
- 10:16SPEAKER_00: But when you avoid it, all you do is perpetuate your nervous system being wired in survival mode response because it doesn't actually have the opportunity to reach completion where it can then release it and then you're not triggerable anymore.
- 10:30SPEAKER_00: So I am just jumping on this episode to let you guys know that safety is now open.
- 10:37SPEAKER_00: This is the brand new program to really anchor in a deep level of safety into your nervous system and to break out of survival mode.
- 10:45SPEAKER_00: We are gonna be breaking out of the wounding, the trauma, the conditioning that gives your body the illusion of safety, as well as wiring your nervous system for that survival mode by releasing all of that trapped energy and trauma.
- 10:56SPEAKER_00: We're also gonna be expanding your nervous system to make it more resilient so that it can hold more.
- 11:00SPEAKER_00: We're gonna be resolving physical symptoms like metabolism, skin, anxiety, gut, all that are linked to the lack of safety, as well as really anchoring that safety into your body so that your nervous system has a default for calm and chill.
- 11:13SPEAKER_00: Not to mention, you're no longer gonna be triggered because your nervous system feels safe.
- 11:17SPEAKER_00: And you're not only breaking out of survival mode, but you're building a nervous system that actually feels safe to expand because you've released the fears and lack of trust that keeps your system always looking for danger.
- 11:28SPEAKER_00: We have four live calls a whole month together where you can also plug in in-between calls for personal support.
- 11:35SPEAKER_00: This will be responded to daily.
- 11:37SPEAKER_00: There are also going to be added trainings, there's added videos.
- 11:41SPEAKER_00: This is really about knowing exactly what your body actually needs to bring you out of survival mode and into thrival mode, along with the practical integration.
- 11:49SPEAKER_00: So you actually know how to do this in a way that feels safe and solid.
- 11:54SPEAKER_00: So if you want to be cracked open, if you're ready to release all of that stuff, if you're ready to go all in for your healing and you know that you are meant for more, join us inside safety.
- 12:04SPEAKER_00: If you are familiar with Wellnourished, Safety is the foundational program.
- 12:08SPEAKER_00: We are breaking apart Wellnourished into separate programs so that not only is it more accessible to everyone, but you can start healing now.
- 12:14SPEAKER_00: You may not even need all the programs, but safety is the foundational one.
- 12:18SPEAKER_00: So chances are you need this one at least.
- 12:21SPEAKER_00: So we're gonna leave all the information down in the description box, but I cannot wait.
- 12:25SPEAKER_00: This is truly going to change the game when it comes to anchoring safety into your nervous system.
- 12:29SPEAKER_00: And I cannot wait to see you inside.
- 12:32SPEAKER_00: You will not be able to anchor in safety into your nervous system if you're constantly avoiding your triggers.
- 12:38SPEAKER_00: It's just not going to happen.
- 12:40SPEAKER_00: If more women, you know, looked at triggers as an opportunity to heal, we'd see a lot more women with healed nervous systems.
- 12:48SPEAKER_00: So if you're only good until, or you are like avoiding your triggers, you're not going to be able to anchor in safety.
- 12:54SPEAKER_00: Because that kind of avoidance is like, oh, I'm safe until, but like safety is not being good only when like rose-colored glasses on or you're trying to avoid everything.
- 13:05SPEAKER_00: Being safe means you are good no matter what, right?
- 13:08SPEAKER_00: And know that you're never going to be able to avoid everything.
- 13:12SPEAKER_00: And so then you create kind of like almost like a bubble experience where there's so much that doesn't feel safe.
- 13:18SPEAKER_00: And then you feel the need to control.
- 13:20SPEAKER_00: And this is where we get anxiety, which is why we're diving into anxiety in the safety program.
- 13:24SPEAKER_00: Then we get anxiety because we can't avoid all of our triggers and we can't control everything all the time.
- 13:28SPEAKER_00: But we feel the need to control because the control gives us an illusion of safety.
- 13:32SPEAKER_00: That's actually not true, and then you are bound by it.
- 13:35SPEAKER_00: And anyone who's ever struggled with anxiety will tell you that the control, like it gives you that false illusion of safety, and it no matter what, never actually feels fully safe because you will never be able to control everything.
- 13:47SPEAKER_00: And so you're playing this long, like vicious game of trying to avoid triggers and like manage them and you know, control situations.
- 13:56SPEAKER_00: And if I can control everything like perfectly, then I won't get anxious, then it'll be okay.
- 14:00SPEAKER_00: And I say this with love because I know I've been there, I've been the person trying to control everything and hoping it doesn't make you anxious.
- 14:06SPEAKER_00: And unfortunately, that doesn't actually anchor in safety into your system.
- 14:10SPEAKER_00: It actually makes it worse.
- 14:13SPEAKER_00: Like avoiding your stuff makes your nervous system worse.
- 14:19SPEAKER_00: And so if you're only good until this is a message, like, this is probably what's blocking one of the things that is contributing to a lack of safety.
- 14:26SPEAKER_00: And so if we're layering this on with like, oh, I'm having parasympathetic days by like, you know, I'm having a slower morning and I'm doing this, and then like I'm avoiding my triggers and I'm unfollowing anyone who like makes me feel uncomfortable.
- 14:37SPEAKER_00: And it's just like, oh, like that shows me why there's a lack of safety.
- 14:42SPEAKER_00: Now, even with these couple things, you can kind of see, oh, this is making sense.
- 14:46SPEAKER_00: This is why my nervous system isn't safe yet.
- 14:49SPEAKER_00: And the kind of like next thing I want to dive into is what's blocking safety in your nervous system is needing like 50 million practices for safety or 50 million things for your nervous system to feel safe.
- 15:03SPEAKER_00: And this is kind of going on to a deeper of like the avoiding triggers.
- 15:08SPEAKER_00: Normally, this comes from you're avoiding so many triggers that we then need 50 million things to try to feel okay or to try to feel safe.
- 15:17SPEAKER_00: Which is actually, it shouldn't be required.
- 15:20SPEAKER_00: You shouldn't need to do 50 million practices every day, meditate for two hours, take a, you know, 50 million supplements here, like just to feel like okay, I'm safe.
- 15:30SPEAKER_00: Or to need to do practices every single day.
- 15:32SPEAKER_00: Like when you've actually anchored in safety into who the hell you are, you don't need to do constant breath work or this or that to be safe and regulated.
- 15:40SPEAKER_00: I mean, I can't imagine I was telling people I had a safe nervous system, but needed to do five million things a day to be safe and regulated.
- 15:46SPEAKER_00: You know, I wake up and then I meditate for two hours a day, and then I do a cold plunge every day, and then I do one hour of breath work, and then I do fire breath, and then I do an hour of yoga.
- 15:55SPEAKER_00: Like, no.
- 15:56SPEAKER_00: When you have safety in your nervous system, you don't actually need that stuff that often.
- 16:01SPEAKER_00: And that's where I want you to get because honestly, no one has the time to spend five hours a day doing all this intense stuff for your nervous system.
- 16:09SPEAKER_00: Yes, there are small things, little things I do that don't take very long.
- 16:14SPEAKER_00: If you've been in uh the regulate masterclasses or all the little lifestyle things I do to regulate my nervous system, but let me tell you, they are very quick and very easy.
- 16:24SPEAKER_00: All right.
- 16:24SPEAKER_00: And like none of them, like I love supplements, don't get me wrong, they can fill in the gaps.
- 16:30SPEAKER_00: And there are certain ones that like are really helpful for your nervous system and that I take and that I have, but it's not contingent on it.
- 16:37SPEAKER_00: I'm not a make or break in it.
- 16:39SPEAKER_00: And that's what often blocks people from a safe nervous system is that they outsource it to certain things.
- 16:46SPEAKER_00: Yes, you need enough protein.
- 16:47SPEAKER_00: Yes, you need enough amino acids, yes, you need like healthy fats, and you know, you do need time and space, but you shouldn't need to go to extremes in your day-to-day long term, like after you've healed your nervous system to feel safe, you should be like fairly solid, and then you just kind of like do little things to upkeep.
- 17:08SPEAKER_00: Right?
- 17:09SPEAKER_00: It's like making healthy eating a lifestyle.
- 17:12SPEAKER_00: It's just something like you do day-to-day.
- 17:13SPEAKER_00: It doesn't take a lot of time, doesn't take a lot of effort, it's just is.
- 17:18SPEAKER_00: So you want to make sure that like you're not, if you feel yourself like, oh, I need like all these things, I need to do all of these things to feel safe in my nervous system.
- 17:25SPEAKER_00: Chances are it's because you're walking on eggshells, you're avoiding triggers, the things you're doing isn't actually bringing in safety because you also haven't released what's blocking safety in your nervous system or what's preventing it from feeling safe.
- 17:37SPEAKER_00: Because when you do that, you don't actually need as many things.
- 17:40SPEAKER_00: Even though, yes, I'm a big fan of all those things.
- 17:43SPEAKER_00: I love me a cold shower, I love me a cold plunge, I still meditate every day, but I don't need to meditate for two hours a day in order to have safety.
- 17:51SPEAKER_00: Like that's not, I want to say, like, realistic for a lot of people.
- 17:56SPEAKER_00: I couldn't even meditate two hours a day.
- 17:58SPEAKER_00: Like, I just I don't necessarily have the time for that.
- 18:00SPEAKER_00: And when I meditate, it's more spiritual than like safety-wise, anyways.
- 18:04SPEAKER_00: But I want you to just evaluate like how much external icing you're trying to put on a cake that's not feeling safe.
- 18:13SPEAKER_00: Right.
- 18:14SPEAKER_00: And then you lack personal power, and then we get into a whole personal power issue, and then I just these are things that I've noticed because people will come to me and be like, what tips do you have?
- 18:23SPEAKER_00: What tips do you have?
- 18:24SPEAKER_00: What tips?
- 18:25SPEAKER_00: And I'm just like, or like, what ritual do you do?
- 18:28SPEAKER_00: What ritual do you do?
- 18:29SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, we'll need a lot less rituals if we just put in safety onto our nervous system, and that's just who we were, right?
- 18:35SPEAKER_00: And like I said, I'm a fan, and like I don't mind sharing those things and like the little things I do as well, and just like a couple nutritional things in here and there, but they're not like things you have to stress about.
- 18:46SPEAKER_00: They're not things that are hard, they're like ease.
- 18:52SPEAKER_00: But like I said, when you release all those things, think about it like a balancing thing.
- 18:58SPEAKER_00: If you, if your cup is like really full of all the repressed emotions, trauma, and things that are making your nervous system not feel safe, it's gonna require a hell of a lot more to try to balance it out, to try to make it feel calm and regulated.
- 19:13SPEAKER_00: But if there's not as much stuff in your nervous system dysregulating it, you're not gonna need as much to make it feel calm.
- 19:20SPEAKER_00: And so, like, I know that sounds very basic, but this is like a concept that most people do not understand.
- 19:25SPEAKER_00: So I really want to drive it home in this episode.
- 19:27SPEAKER_00: If you actually removed the things that were making it not feel safe in the first place, you wouldn't need as many things to make it feel safe.
- 19:36SPEAKER_00: And so people are like, I'm doing all these things.
- 19:38SPEAKER_00: And this again, this also could bring into feminine energy, and I can definitely take this the feminine energy kind of way.
- 19:43SPEAKER_00: But it's like, I'm doing all these things, I'm doing all these things, I'm doing all these things to try to, you know, bring safety, I'm doing all these things for my nervous system, I'm doing all this.
- 19:49SPEAKER_00: I'm like, all right, but have we removed like what makes it dysregulated in the first place?
- 19:55SPEAKER_00: Like, that's a hell of a lot easier.
- 19:57SPEAKER_00: It's a lot less work.
- 19:59unknown: Right.
- 20:00SPEAKER_00: We think about it as a balancing act, it's a it's a lot of less work.
- 20:04SPEAKER_00: So these are like the main things that I see that blocks safety in the nervous system and how to actually be safe and bring in safety.
- 20:13SPEAKER_00: Um, if you have any questions, if you like this episode, let me know.
- 20:17SPEAKER_00: I love hearing from you.
- 20:18SPEAKER_00: I love hearing what episodes you like.
- 20:19SPEAKER_00: I love seeing you guys have been sharing it so much.
- 20:21SPEAKER_00: Share this with someone you love because the more people that can bring awareness to their nervous systems, the better.
- 20:28SPEAKER_00: Whether it's this episode or any other ones that you enjoyed that you got value from from me, please send it, share it with loved ones.
- 20:34SPEAKER_00: If you haven't left a review yet, please do so that more people can find this podcast, more people can heal their nervous systems, and more women can just move from survival mode into thrival mode.
- 20:44SPEAKER_00: So, with that being said, I love you guys so much, and I will speak to you in the next episode.