Latest / From Sad Pick Me Girl to Alchemist / Episode 26 - Stop Performing. Start Becoming Who You Really Are.
Transcript
- Denise: Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of From Sad Pick Me Girl to Alchemist. If you're new here, here I talk all things self-love and I share my journey from my experience in previous relationships to highlighting healers and other people that have stepped into their purpose to really embody who they came here to be. And so today's episode is really going to be off the cuff. A lot has happened in the I think it's been six plus months that I started podcasting on my own. I have really taken a pause on seeking alternative healing modalities, particularly in the spiritual realm, and have been focused on living, living, living out my purpose, which I believe to be is helping others to uncover their self-love and also just surviving. It's been busy and I am showing up here and what I wanted to talk about today is something that's been top of mind for me and I think many people who are feeling particularly unfulfilled may resonate with, but it is embodying who you are in a world where everyone seems to be performing. And I hate to use blanket statements. does that mean that every human is performing? No, I don't think that everyone is going around putting on a show, but I do think a lot of us are Because it has been ingrained in us in society. And right now, particularly with social media, people are performing not only for the people that they know personally, but they're performing because they want to get a certain amount of followers or they want to achieve a certain level of success that they deem is makes them worthy, we'll say. And I have fallen into that trap myself because I have started to share about my self-love journey and highlight the people that have helped me to get to where I am now. And have lost myself in it. I have become so consumed with reaching a certain amount of people and have distracted myself from reaching the right people. So I want to encourage everyone to always remember that when you feel like you have a purpose in life and you feel like you're called to help a certain demographic of people, yes it is important to put yourself out there and it isn't important to follow strategies and to do all the things that are really going to put yourself out there, but it also is important that you're keeping authentic. And that Is something that is hard to do because we want to grow, we want to reach the right people. How do we reach the right people? By reaching more people, so we get so fixated on the numbers that we tend to forget why we are doing what we're doing. And so I want to encourage everyone to remember that it's not about popularity all the time, it's not about how many people like you and how many people agree with you, it's about reaching the right people, and the way that you reach the right people is by Not filtering yourself by being exactly who you are, saying what you want to say, not saying what you think is going to go viral, not saying what you think is going to be agreeable, but saying what you believe at your core. And that is going to take you stepping away from all the noise and really listening to yourself. And I am saying right now, I have failed to do that recently. I have not listened to myself. I have gotten bogged down by numbers and strategy, and this is what you need to do to grow, and this is what you need to do to reach X amount of people. And I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm taking A step back because I started this podcast because I wanted to share how I healed my heartbreak. One of the biggest heartbreaks that I went through, which was late last year. I really was catapulted into figuring out why I couldn't find fulfilling relationships and why it was so difficult for me to get over people who had treated me poorly. Waiting for closure from somebody who was not capable of meeting me with honesty and integrity. So I started this podcast and I shared the ways that I I say heal myself, but I want to say that I don't feel like we're ever fully healed. And right now I am also being triggered a lot because I'm in a relationship. Does that mean that's a bad relationship? Absolutely not. What I'm saying is we Only can grow a certain amount on an individual level by ourselves, but when you're in a relationship, you will be held a mirror to all the wounds that you still have yet to face. We're always growing as humans, we're always evolving. So it's very important that you find somebody who is able to level with you, willing to grow with you, willing to try to understand you, and together you collectively grow. That is what I believe the purpose of partnership is. But I digress. So I've started this podcast wanting to share my journey because I literally felt awful. I felt like I didn't want to be alive. I didn't feel like I had a purpose in life. I felt like I had done everything by the book. I had gone to college, I got married, I bought a house before I was 30, and then I had kids, all the things, and I still felt empty inside. Why? Because I don't think I was living out. Let me rephrase. I know I was not living out what I came here to do. I believe that all of our souls came here to accomplish something, and the way that we accomplished that is by getting to know. ourselves and not giving a fuck what anybody else is going to think about it. Not caring if someone's gonna think you're crazy or someone's gonna think it's dumb, but really being so yourself that you filter out everybody that's not for you and you gravitate towards everything and everyone that is. And so If you're sitting there and you know that you are meant for more and you're scared to start, just start. Do it. And it's it is scary. It's still scary now. I'm over here sitting here, like, who's gonna care about me babbling? But I know that this will reach the right people. The people that are hesitant, the people that keep saying, No, I think that's just a dumb idea, or ugh, everyone has done that already. And it's just a flooded market, and who cares what I have to say? Somebody will care. It's not about popularity, it's not about the amount of people that like you. It is about you fulfilling your purpose here on earth. And until you do that, you're going to be left feeling like there is something missing in your life. Wanna know how I know? Because that is what I'm an expert in. I I like to poke fun and I'm going to get try to give myself some grace because I know that that is part of my next growth is giving myself grace. I don't know how to do that. I am very critical of myself. I'm very hard on myself and I'm very militant. And so I want to give myself grace and say, yes, I did everything by the book and now I laugh and I say, I am the reason why you don't do everything by the book and you listen to yourself because look where you end up. And I like to make that joke because when I come to that realization, it makes me really sad that I am not where I'm at. But then I remember All of the experiences that I've had in the past, all those checklist, I am showing people you don't have to do that. You don't have to do that thing that they're telling you to do because that is what makes you successful. You do what you want to do. You take a step back and say, is this something I really want? Or is this something that I was told makes me look good? Is this something I really want? Or is it something that is going to please my mom, my dad, my grandma, whatever it is? Because If you continue to do things to please others, guess who's going to be left unhappy? The most important person in your life, you. And so when I sit back and think of the depressive episodes that I've had recently, because I still struggle with it. Hey, it didn't go away completely. I I know it's because I'm still fearful of stepping fully into this and fully into helping people. So if you follow me on social media, I've been putting myself out there as a purpose coach. I want to help people to really embody who they came here to be so that they don't live this life where you have everything that makes you look good on the outside, but inside you were dying because you know that you are not meant for what it is that you're doing. it'll eat you away. And we've normalized that in society. We've normalized jobs that drain you and raise your cortisol levels from the moment you wake up because that was what we were taught. We were taught that you got this job. For me it was I reached the pinnacle of a company that I wanted to work with. And here I am. It has nothing to do with the company, but it's misalignment. I am stuck feeling like I'm constantly running this wheel, this unfulfilling wheel that has nothing to do with anybody other than the relationship that I have with my soul, my higher self. Me not fulfilling what I came here to do. So what happens? I go in a pitfall and then I expect I fall back on the relationships and I expect a relationship or something to fix it. And guess what? No one's gonna fix it. I've fixed it. And so thankfully I have now met a partner who is understanding and level tries to level with me. He is a phenomenal person. And when I share about him, even I'm afraid because I'm like, well, what if it doesn't work out? We don't get to know the future, but all I want to say is that This relationship that I'm in now is an example of what happens when you do the work and the type of people that you gravitate towards. Because I have never met somebody who is so kind and compassionate and willing to try to understand my emotions and embodies many other qualities. that I wanted in a partner, the important ones, the emotional intelligence, the ability to actually see me for who I am, the desire to grow, grow in ways that I want to grow and to step into a soul's purpose. So regardless of what happens in the future, I just want to say when you follow the nudges, you will attract what you are meant to attract in that time. And no, we don't get to need no if it's forever. As humans, we always want to know is okay, is this going to be forever? Not even just with relationships but with jobs and all circumstances. We don't like endings as humans. But either way You stop fixing on that and you start thinking, what is good for me here and now? Does this feel good now? That's what matters. So I am in alignment in many ways, but the one thing I'm still out of alignment with is not fully embodying my soul's purpose. So when I share things on social media, particularly about wanting to help other people with their soul's purpose, it's because I know how detrimental it is when you don't follow the nudges. You can have everything on the outside, everything, the car, the trips, all of it. But if you don't feel like you are living out what you came here to do, it doesn't matter. None of it's gonna matter. Not even the relationship. I always thought the ideal relationship would solve it all. And guess what? I am living what I feel like is the ideal relationship and I still feel like I need to follow My purpose, I'm still going to put that as priority number one. I am not going to allow anyone or anything to get in the way of it. Now, I do have to give energy towards other things, right? I'm dispersing my energy, I'm prioritizing, but I'm still gonna put myself and my purpose first and foremost. So I the purpose of this episode is really to encourage you to be your most authentic self, to not be afraid to step into what it is that you want to step into that you feel like you're missing. And if you're not quite sure what you're missing, but you know there's something, talk to me. I have a link in my bio on Instagram, Denise Bee Miller, and I want to help people to uncover what it is because it doesn't take long. It takes sitting with yourself. And guess what? The person that has the answer is you. Sometimes you just need a little direction. And that's what I'm here for, the direction. Because you have the answers. And once you start to trust yourself, you'll stop outsourcing everything. Because yes, in this day and age, everyone wants to outsource. Everyone wants to say, hey, somebody tell this is okay. Somebody tell me this is good. And then you have a lot of coaches. And I don't mean to call anybody out in a negative way, but it is the reality that we live in. A lot of coaches that overpromise and underdeliver because they're all about the numbers and wanting to make money. And so they're like, I'm gonna change your life, and you're going to step in and you're going, everything's gonna change for you. It's gonna be great, and you're going to live out this crazy dream reality that you want. And sure, I I know that some of them mean well, but at the end of the day. A lot of them are not able to fulfill what it is that they're promising. It's a sales tactic. This is not a sales tactic for me because I'm saying if you feel like you are meant for something more, you are, you have the answers. You don't need somebody to coach you through it your entire life because once you uncover it, guess what? You are going to be your own best friend, your own motivator, your own guide. You're gonna have all the answers. That doesn't mean that you will never need help, but again, you are going to be so confident. That you're not going to have to outsource as much. So I want you to get there. And if you are interested in uncovering your purpose, the link is in my bio, Denise B. Miller. Either way, I just encourage you to please sit with yourself, learn who you are. If you feel like something's missing, it's because something is, and you can figure that out. So with that, again, I encourage you to take some time, journal, meditate. Whatever it you're into, go for a walk. If you're not into meditating, I know a lot of people say I can't meditate, and lately I haven't been able to either, so I don't fault you. I am a spiritual person that sucks at meditating and I hate journaling. It is what it is. Anyway. I will be back next week, large and in charge, with more energy, and I will continue to highlight people who I feel like are fully embodying their purpose because the more that we embody our purpose, the more we empower others to do so. And that is what it's about, collective consciousness. Thank you all so much again for listening, and I will see you next week.