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Mojo Monday - Seeing Your Life Beyond Your Inner Critic · Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor

• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Everyone, it's Carlie Taylor here for this week's mo Joe Monday.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Today's episode was inspired by conversation I had with my
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: amazing aunt, who's now in her seventies. And I hope
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: she doesn't mind. I'm sure she doesn't mind me saying that.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: We were chatting the other day and she said something
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: that really kind of stuck with me, and it's something
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: that all of us can relate to, and that is
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: around our negative self talk. So she told me that
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: she had realized that what she tells herself about herself,
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: all the criticism, the doubts, the harsh in a commentary,
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  Speaker 1: isn't actually what other people think of her. So she'd
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: been so caught up in this self critical story that
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: she'd never really considered that others might not see her
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: that way, that maybe they see her in a completely
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: different light. And it came after a conversation that she
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: had with her son, my cousin of course, who told
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: her all the things that he's proud of, so that
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  Speaker 1: they were small and some of them not so small,
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: but all very meaningful moments that really mattered to him.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: And then she'd spoken with her older sister about that
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  Speaker 1: and then she told her all these amazing things that
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  Speaker 1: she thought about her, and then that made her stop
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: and think. So for years she'd been focusing on one
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  Speaker 1: narrow part of her story, the flaws, the regrets, the
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: self judgment, the victimhood, without noticing the much bigger picture.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: And I think that's something all of us do. We
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: see ourselves through a very narrow lens, zoomed in on
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  Speaker 1: our flaws, the mistakes we've made, the parts that we
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: wish weld dif But every now and then something shifts,
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: like a conversation, a bit of kindness, a reminder from
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: somebody who can see us clearly, who sees us from
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: the outside, and it's like switching that lens to panoramic.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: Suddenly we can see the whole picture, the challenges and
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: the strengths, the moments that we have fallen and the
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: ones that we've quietly shone. And I heard someone say
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: the other day that our self talk it's like a
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  Speaker 1: series of short stories. So it's not like a book
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: with a beginning and an end. It's short stories, and
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: we tend to write mostly about the endings. So it's
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: the time our partner cheated on us, or it's the
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: time our mother said that hurtful thing to us, or
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  Speaker 1: the time we got sacked, or the time we got sick.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: But within those stories there were other moments too, the
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: times when that relationship was beautiful, when we first got
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: that job and gave it everything that we had, or
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: when we fought to get well or showed up strength
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: that we didn't even know that we had. We forget
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: that our stories aren't single scenes, their chapters full of complexity, growth,
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: and meaning. And when we remember that, our perspective softens.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: We start to think not just about what went wrong
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: in our lives, but what was actually right alongside it.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: And this, to me, is where positive thinking has its place.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: It's not about pretending the negative doesn't exist, but it's
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: about widening our perspectives so we can also see the
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: ways in which we're shone and grown and made a difference.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: Because when we do that, we can shift our attention
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  Speaker 1: away from the automatic, unhelpful self talk and focus more
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: on the parts of our lives that lift us up,
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: ground us, that remind us who we are beyond all
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: the noise of our inner critic. So here's my invitation
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  Speaker 1: to you this week, inspired by my beautiful aunt, take
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  Speaker 1: a moment to ask someone close to you what they
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  Speaker 1: admire about you, or reflect on how you've made a
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: difference in someone else's life. So there's no time for
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: humility here. And when the inner critic pipes up with
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: yeah butt, which it probably will, just notice that and
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: you've got to almost expect it. But thank that voice
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: for trying to keep you small, for keeping your narrow
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: focus narrow, and then gently shift your attention back to
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: the positive instead. So let that sit alongside those stories
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: in your head. And then while you're at it, tell
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: someone else what you admire about them, because you never
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: know what window or lens that might open up for
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  Speaker 1: them too. So have a great week everyone. I hope
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: that's been helpful and I we'll catch you next week.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: So yah,