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16: Who Am I If I Stop Pushing · Banish the Lies: Outsmart Your Inner Critic

• 0:00
  Speaker: Hey friend.
• 0:00
  Speaker: Just a quick note before we begin.
• 0:02
  Speaker: This episode was recorded just before Christmas when I was in the middle of debating my podcast launch date.
• 0:09
  Speaker: A couple months have gone by, but the heart of the question still feels very relevant.
• 0:14
  Speaker: Welcome to Banish the Lies, the podcast where we outsmart that sneaky inner critic and get closer to the truth that sets us free.
• 0:25
  Speaker: I'm Tania Cervoni, your host and fellow work in progress here to share real stories and small shifts that help you reclaim what fear and doubt once stole.
• 0:36
  Speaker: Let's jump in.
• 0:37
  Speaker: Hello.
• 0:43
  Speaker: Hello.
• 0:43
  Speaker: Today I have a rather spur of the moment episode for you about my podcast launch.
• 0:49
  Speaker: I had originally set a date of January 11th, partly because I love the number 1, 1, 1.
• 0:56
  Speaker: I'm also one of those people who notices repeating numbers everywhere, and at the time, January also felt far enough away to be realistic.
• 1:04
  Speaker: Well, it's now December 22nd.
• 1:08
  Speaker: Christmas is essentially here.
• 1:11
  Speaker: Life feels very full and very busy, and technically I could still make that deadline, but only if I push.
• 1:21
  Speaker: Only if I work through the holidays and only if I ignore the fact that what I really wanted was to launch with some breathing room, meaning enough episodes already recorded so that I don't start 2026 stressed out and chasing myself.
• 1:36
  Speaker: But the closer I got to this launch date, the more stressed I became.
• 1:42
  Speaker: I've been dealing with insomnia on and off now for years, and I was in a good phase.
• 1:48
  Speaker: And then suddenly I wasn't.
• 1:50
  Speaker: I'd had this terrible night of sleep recently, and that turned into panic, not just because I was exhausted, but because I thought, oh man, if this continues, my deadline is in danger.
• 2:02
  Speaker: That's when I realized something rather important.
• 2:06
  Speaker: This deadline was entirely self-imposed.
• 2:10
  Speaker: I haven't promised anyone anything.
• 2:12
  Speaker: I haven't announced it publicly.
• 2:14
  Speaker: No one is waiting on me.
• 2:16
  Speaker: So this pressure that I felt lived entirely inside my own head.
• 2:22
  Speaker: So then I started arguing with myself.
• 2:25
  Speaker: If I move the date, am I lazy?
• 2:27
  Speaker: Am I lacking discipline?
• 2:29
  Speaker: Am I breaking a commitment?
• 2:30
  Speaker: But if I don't move the date, am I just feeding the same perfectionism that has driven me for most of my life?
• 2:37
  Speaker: I suddenly realized that I held a belief that once you decide something, you just never adjust.
• 2:45
  Speaker: You just push harder no matter the cost.
• 2:47
  Speaker: So it shouldn't have surprised me that the idea of letting go of the date didn't just feel like a logistical decision.
• 2:56
  Speaker: It felt like an identity one like.
• 2:58
  Speaker: If I'm not the person who pushes through, then who am I?
• 3:03
  Speaker: At the same time, there was all this other stuff I knew I wanted to do before the year ends, not because it's productive in a.
• 3:11
  Speaker: It's kind of shiny way, but, 'cause I didn't wanna start the new year buried under clutter.
• 3:17
  Speaker: So I've been sorting through papers, letting things go, cleaning up, and I know that every time I do this at the end of a year, it feels incredibly grounding.
• 3:27
  Speaker: So there was this tension between keeping the launch date and doing what felt really good for setting myself up for the new year.
• 3:35
  Speaker: And yesterday I caught myself seriously considering working on my podcast on Christmas Eve, and this caused me to pause, not so much because working on a creative project during the holidays is wrong.
• 3:49
  Speaker: It isn't.
• 3:50
  Speaker: But because I could feel where the desire was coming from, and it wasn't from joy or inspiration, it was coming from fear.
• 3:58
  Speaker: Fear of missing a date, fear of disappointing myself, fear of being seen as someone who didn't follow through.
• 4:05
  Speaker: So today I let the deadline go.
• 4:09
  Speaker: I don't know yet when I'll launch maybe January, maybe February 22nd, because I also like the date, 2, 2, 2.
• 4:17
  Speaker: By the time you're listening to this, you'll know what I decided, but uh, right now I don't.
• 4:23
  Speaker: So instead of forcing myself to work.
• 4:26
  Speaker: I stopped and ate lunch.
• 4:29
  Speaker: I put something on Netflix, and that might sound silly, but for me it was a bit radical.
• 4:35
  Speaker: I don't usually sit down just to enjoy some TV, and if I watch anything, I usually do it while I'm eating dinner, so that doesn't really count as wasted time.
• 4:45
  Speaker: I know that might sound ridiculous, but it seems that rest has always been something that has needed justification in my life, and I think part of what's.
• 4:56
  Speaker: Also uncomfortable here is that I've spent so long defining myself as someone who pushes.
• 5:01
  Speaker: So when I stop, even briefly, there's this quiet question hanging in the air of what is the alternative and what does it mean about me and what I value?
• 5:13
  Speaker: I feel like I'm in this in-between space right now.
• 5:18
  Speaker: A not knowing, and it's uncomfortable, but it also feels a little freeing because what this moment represents isn't about watching television or not watching television.
• 5:30
  Speaker: It's about choice.
• 5:31
  Speaker: It's about flexibility.
• 5:32
  Speaker: It's about grace and the freedom to change my mind without turning it into a massive character flaw of some sort.
• 5:40
  Speaker: And since I'm not.
• 5:42
  Speaker: Going to work on my podcast on Christmas Eve, I decided I'm going to invite a neighbor over for a glass of wine.
• 5:49
  Speaker: I think she spends Christmas alone, and that feels better than pushing through a deadline that only exists because I created it.
• 5:56
  Speaker: Now, of course, if she decides not to come and I feel inspired, then great.
• 6:02
  Speaker: I will work on my podcast.
• 6:04
  Speaker: But not because I'm afraid of some imagined failure, but simply because I want to.
• 6:11
  Speaker: So if you're feeling pressure about something right now, it might be worth asking where it's really coming from.
• 6:17
  Speaker: Sometimes it's external and sometimes it's commitments we genuinely need to honor.
• 6:23
  Speaker: But sometimes it's a story we're telling ourselves about who we're allowed to be.
• 6:29
  Speaker: You know, the voice of fear says, push harder.
• 6:32
  Speaker: Don't change the plan.
• 6:33
  Speaker: Don't look weak.
• 6:34
  Speaker: But the voice of love says pause.
• 6:37
  Speaker: Be kind and adjust when you need to.
• 6:41
  Speaker: So if you're waiting for permission to slow down to rest, to change your mind, to take care of yourself, here it is.
• 6:50
  Speaker: I give you permission and I'm practicing taking it myself.
• 6:55
  Speaker: Thanks for listening to Banish The Lies.
• 7:02
  Speaker: If today's episode resonated with you, take a moment to let it settle in.
• 7:07
  Speaker: And maybe share it with a friend who could use it too.
• 7:09
  Speaker: Lies, lose their power when we're brave enough to challenge them.
• 7:13
  Speaker: I'm Tania Cervoni, and until next time, be kind to yourself.
• 7:18
  Speaker: And remember, you're not broken, you're not alone, and you don't have to stay stuck.