Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / The Reset You Actually Need - Day 6. How to stop feeling disappointed and regain control over your life

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The Reset You Actually Need - Day 6. How to stop feeling disappointed and regain control over your life · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:12
Speaker 1: Hello, my beautiful beans, and welcome to the podcast episode
0:15
Speaker 1: of Today. So, as you guys know, I'm doing a
0:17
Speaker 1: ten day miniseries. The miniseries is the reset that you
0:20
Speaker 1: actually need. I love a miniseries, and you guys love
0:23
Speaker 1: the miniseries too, because I've been really trying to lean
0:27
Speaker 1: into the comments in Spotify, and your comments are saying,
0:30
Speaker 1: love the miniseries. We love the one you did kind
0:32
Speaker 1: of halfway through. I think it was like maybe not
0:34
Speaker 1: even halfway through, but last year and also Jan last year.
0:37
Speaker 1: So this is a ten day miniseries and it is
0:39
Speaker 1: just a really really good way of having that consistent
0:42
Speaker 1: episode every single day to get the ball rolling, to
0:45
Speaker 1: give you that momentum so then you can really hit
0:48
Speaker 1: the ground running this year. Now, the point of this
0:51
Speaker 1: miniseries you don't have to listen to them all in
0:53
Speaker 1: chronological order. Is that what I'm trying to say. You
0:57
Speaker 1: can listen to this one and then go back and
0:58
Speaker 1: listen to those episodes. But yeah, ideally I would like
1:02
Speaker 1: you to get to all of the episodes if possible,
1:04
Speaker 1: because the aim of this is to make the changes
1:09
Speaker 1: that you make as realistic and doable as possible. Some
1:13
Speaker 1: of my episodes are you know, massive changes that you're
1:15
Speaker 1: going to do, or like really ripping the band aid,
1:18
Speaker 1: or big decisions. The point of this minis heies is
1:21
Speaker 1: to make this year a year where you really feel fulfilled,
1:24
Speaker 1: where you feel calm and comfortable and really happy within
1:28
Speaker 1: yourself and with your progress. For some people that is
1:31
Speaker 1: making major changes in their life, and for other people
1:33
Speaker 1: it's finding that equilibrium where they finally feel kind of
1:36
Speaker 1: at peace within themselves. So it's not necessarily about you
1:41
Speaker 1: have to make all this action and all this crazy
1:43
Speaker 1: change and hustle, hustle, hustle. It's more so everything I
1:46
Speaker 1: talk about can be applied to either slowing down and
1:50
Speaker 1: calming down or to going out there and hitting these
1:52
Speaker 1: crazy milestones. All everything that I talk about applies to both.
1:56
Speaker 1: And the reason for that is it's all about feeling centered,
2:00
Speaker 1: feeling grounded, listening to yourself, using your mind in the
2:04
Speaker 1: most productive way possible, and really being kind to yourself
2:07
Speaker 1: so you get the most out of your relationship with
2:10
Speaker 1: yourself and your behaviors and your actions and your habits
2:12
Speaker 1: and all of that. So one topic that I thought
2:15
Speaker 1: was absolutely imperative to talk about is the topic of disappointment. Okay,
2:22
Speaker 1: because one of the things that holds us back, cock
2:26
Speaker 1: blocks us is a fucking lump in our road to
2:30
Speaker 1: freedom is feeling disappointed, disappointed in ourselves, disappointed in an outcome,
2:35
Speaker 1: disappointed in other people, and it really slows us down.
2:40
Speaker 1: It kind of makes us feel like. It's a really
2:44
Speaker 1: disempowering emotion to feel disappointed. You feel like you've lost control,
2:49
Speaker 1: you've lost the power, someone's let you down. You're a victim.
2:52
Speaker 1: You're a victim to a situation that you have no
2:54
Speaker 1: control over, or you're a victim to a situation that
2:56
Speaker 1: you did have control over. But because you're feeling so
2:59
Speaker 1: disp pointed and not doing anything about that disappointment, then
3:03
Speaker 1: you kind of keep feeling low and then that affects
3:05
Speaker 1: yourself esteem, It affects your motivation for other things, It
3:08
Speaker 1: affects your general you know, well being, and you're in
3:11
Speaker 1: your general mood. Okay, Now, the reason I wanted to
3:13
Speaker 1: talk about disappointment is because I was listening to an interview.
3:17
Speaker 1: It's currently the Australian Open right now, and so a
3:20
Speaker 1: lot of things on TV and my Instagram feed is
3:22
Speaker 1: very much around the tennis and there was all this
3:24
Speaker 1: stuff that was coming up about, you know, great interviews
3:27
Speaker 1: from tennis players, really important tennis players, and these old
3:30
Speaker 1: interviews were coming up with raf Al Nadal. If you
3:32
Speaker 1: guys don't know, I'm obsessed with him. I know he's retired.
3:35
Speaker 1: I get that. You don't need to remind me. But anyway,
3:37
Speaker 1: love him so much. And the way he would talk
3:40
Speaker 1: about how he would really keep his call when he
3:43
Speaker 1: would play, whether it was a really big point or
3:46
Speaker 1: whether it was a really terrible point. He always looked
3:50
Speaker 1: at every point as you know, equal as far as
3:53
Speaker 1: how he played it. Okay, he always you know, really
3:55
Speaker 1: gave it his all. But then he wouldn't be too attached.
3:58
Speaker 1: And if he lost a point or if you like,
4:00
Speaker 1: many points in a row, he would have to look
4:02
Speaker 1: at it as well. It's just once that point is done,
4:05
Speaker 1: it's done, and I'm going to move forward. And I
4:07
Speaker 1: think why he had so much success in his career
4:10
Speaker 1: comes down to his mental approach to the little moments
4:13
Speaker 1: in his life or in the game, or in the matches,
4:16
Speaker 1: or in his entire tennis career. He was able to
4:19
Speaker 1: compartmentalize all these little things that he could be down
4:22
Speaker 1: two sets and losing the third and turn around and
4:26
Speaker 1: win because it was, you know, primarily psychological. I look at,
4:29
Speaker 1: you know, a lot of athletes and stuff, and I
4:32
Speaker 1: think one of the major reasons is to what really
4:35
Speaker 1: makes an athlete successful is the psychology because so much
4:39
Speaker 1: off you know, high pressure environments, whether that be sport
4:43
Speaker 1: or whether you're just at the top of your game
4:44
Speaker 1: in any career, comes down to how you can keep
4:48
Speaker 1: your call and how you can you know, stay focused
4:50
Speaker 1: and stay engaged and not spiral. Okay, And one of
4:54
Speaker 1: the ways that we spiral is with feeling disappointed. So
4:58
Speaker 1: I wanted to talk about It's like six or seven,
5:01
Speaker 1: maybe eight key points that I kind of jotted down.
5:04
Speaker 1: But what I'm also gonna do is I'm going to
5:06
Speaker 1: reference you to an episode that I have completely on
5:09
Speaker 1: disappointment in the show notes. It's episode two hundred and seventeen,
5:12
Speaker 1: but it will be linked in the show notes as
5:14
Speaker 1: well for you to check out if you found this useful,
5:16
Speaker 1: because that episode really dives deep into this topic. Okay,
5:21
Speaker 1: So the first thing that I want to whip out
5:22
Speaker 1: your fucking pans and paper or your notes or whatever.
5:25
Speaker 1: It is. Number one disappointment is often self created. Okay,
5:31
Speaker 1: And it's not because you're weak, and it's not because
5:35
Speaker 1: you're being ridiculous, but it's because sometimes you're too hopeful
5:40
Speaker 1: for something. And I don't want to be pessimistic in
5:43
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, but what I'm talking about is learning
5:46
Speaker 1: to manage your expectations. I know, I'm like really within
5:50
Speaker 1: this within the beans and my community. I'm very known
5:54
Speaker 1: for saying that hope is a weak dog. But specifically
5:56
Speaker 1: when I talk about hope being a week dog, that's
5:58
Speaker 1: in regards to hoping that you X will return. That's
6:01
Speaker 1: what I mean when I talk about hope is a
6:03
Speaker 1: weekly dog. But in general, hope is good. But I
6:06
Speaker 1: think it's very important to manage your expectations about what
6:09
Speaker 1: you hope for, Okay, And what I'm talking about that
6:12
Speaker 1: what I mean by that is if someone is constantly
6:14
Speaker 1: showing you who they are and their behaviors, and they're
6:17
Speaker 1: just showing you again and again and again, and you're
6:20
Speaker 1: hoping that they'll change, I think that is a waste
6:23
Speaker 1: of your time. I think you are setting yourself up
6:25
Speaker 1: for disappointment. You're setting yourself up to feel like you
6:28
Speaker 1: are not in control. So that's A perfect example of
6:30
Speaker 1: where hope is a week dog. Okay, things that I
6:34
Speaker 1: think are hopeful for is if you know you've been
6:38
Speaker 1: working really really hard for something, you've done everything that
6:41
Speaker 1: needs to be done, you've applied for something, and you've said, look,
6:44
Speaker 1: everything that was in my control, I've made the most
6:47
Speaker 1: of and now put I've put it all out there
6:50
Speaker 1: and now I'm waiting to see what the result is.
6:52
Speaker 1: I think it's healthy to be hopeful for that. That's optimism,
6:55
Speaker 1: that's feeling good about something. So when you look at
6:59
Speaker 1: where that you can be disappointed, ask yourself, how often
7:02
Speaker 1: is it self created? How often am I creating this disappointment?
7:07
Speaker 1: When have I hoped for something that was pretty ridiculous
7:09
Speaker 1: to hope for because I'm expecting a different behavior from
7:12
Speaker 1: someone even though they've never shown me that they're willing
7:14
Speaker 1: to change. Or I was expecting something amazing to happen
7:17
Speaker 1: for me even though I actually haven't put in more work,
7:20
Speaker 1: or I actually haven't had more discipline or self control
7:23
Speaker 1: than the previous versions of myself. But here I'm expecting
7:27
Speaker 1: some other outcome and I'm now feeling disappointed when in reality,
7:30
Speaker 1: I know for a fact I probably could have put
7:32
Speaker 1: more effort in. Okay, so let's look at the times
7:36
Speaker 1: where disappointment is self created, and then it's going to
7:40
Speaker 1: feel so much better because you're going to realize, wait
7:42
Speaker 1: a minute, I'm able to eliminate that and either do
7:46
Speaker 1: something about it. In other words, say it's about you
7:49
Speaker 1: and your performance, you know what you can do, or
7:52
Speaker 1: if it's about an individual, I can actually expect less
7:55
Speaker 1: from this person, I can manage my expectations. Okay. Now
7:58
Speaker 1: the next thing number two is repeating the same goal
8:01
Speaker 1: with the same strategy is going to, you know, erode
8:06
Speaker 1: your self belief and your self trust, and it's going
8:09
Speaker 1: to make you feel disappointed in yourself. Okay. So this
8:12
Speaker 1: is a huge one. When we set the same goal
8:14
Speaker 1: again and again and again and again, but not changing
8:18
Speaker 1: how you approach that goal is teaching your brain. It's
8:22
Speaker 1: teaching yourself that you do not follow through. Okay. It's
8:26
Speaker 1: this idea of I ultimately have no follow through and
8:31
Speaker 1: now I'm going to sit here in disappointment. Then I'm
8:33
Speaker 1: going to wait a bit, and then all of a sudden,
8:35
Speaker 1: I'm going to get a wave of motivation because I
8:37
Speaker 1: get excited about what I could achieve, and so I'm
8:39
Speaker 1: going to go out and do that thing. So, for example,
8:41
Speaker 1: say it's you know, a fitness goal that you have,
8:44
Speaker 1: or a you know, organization goal, or I'm wanting to
8:47
Speaker 1: quit smoking or whatever. And you set this goal, you
8:51
Speaker 1: go about it the exact same way. You don't ordit
8:54
Speaker 1: what went wrong, and then you take some time off,
8:57
Speaker 1: and then you try and hit that goal again, going
8:59
Speaker 1: about it the exact same way. That is ridiculous. But
9:03
Speaker 1: I've done it. We've all done it, but we don't
9:05
Speaker 1: look at it. It's this lack of self awareness around
9:07
Speaker 1: our goals. I can't tell you the amount of times
9:09
Speaker 1: that I've done it. It's just crazy, and I probably
9:12
Speaker 1: still do it in certain areas of my life. But
9:14
Speaker 1: I can tell you for sure the areas that I've
9:16
Speaker 1: looked at and able to really crack open and vet
9:18
Speaker 1: and look, okay, that's not going to happen again, that
9:20
Speaker 1: I need to do more of what got in my way?
9:24
Speaker 1: Why did I fail the first time? Why did I
9:26
Speaker 1: set myself up to not succeed, or what was so
9:29
Speaker 1: hard about it? All these things? When I do that,
9:33
Speaker 1: I'm more likely to succeed the next time. Okay, sense
9:39
Speaker 1: number three, Disappointment is going to increase when you consistently
9:43
Speaker 1: listen to people's words instead of paying attention to their
9:46
Speaker 1: behavior or their actions. Okay, so words the reason we
9:50
Speaker 1: do this again, it's not necessarily because we're completely delusional.
9:53
Speaker 1: We're all a little bit deluded, me too, But the
9:57
Speaker 1: reason we listen to words is because words feel comforting
10:02
Speaker 1: to us. We want to believe what we are being told. Okay.
10:06
Speaker 1: It is the easiest way to be able to put
10:09
Speaker 1: faith in someone, to be able to trust someone, to
10:11
Speaker 1: get excited about the future. If someone says they're going
10:14
Speaker 1: to do something, it feels really nice to believe them.
10:17
Speaker 1: It feels really nice to you know, believe these promises.
10:22
Speaker 1: It's kind of like a it's soothing to us. Okay,
10:25
Speaker 1: but then we cause ourselves to be disappointed, and then
10:28
Speaker 1: we cause ourselves to resent that person. You said, you've
10:31
Speaker 1: told me ten times that you're going to do this thing,
10:33
Speaker 1: and then you're not doing it. This is the tenth time.
10:35
Speaker 1: It's like yes, and at the end of the day,
10:37
Speaker 1: it is them doing it. And it is wrong for
10:38
Speaker 1: someone to, you know, always go back on their word
10:40
Speaker 1: and not be a person off their word and all
10:42
Speaker 1: of that. However, who is the one who's ending up disappointed.
10:45
Speaker 1: It's you. You're the one who's suffering. So instead of
10:48
Speaker 1: thinking you know, you do this, you do that, and
10:50
Speaker 1: feeling disappointed, feeling like you're you lack control, you don't
10:53
Speaker 1: have the control over the situation. You feel like you're
10:55
Speaker 1: just kind of being taken for a ride. You could
10:58
Speaker 1: turn that around and think, I'm now going to just
11:00
Speaker 1: believe your behavior, not gonna believe what you say. Okay,
11:04
Speaker 1: So if it's someone that you've just met, you're obviously
11:06
Speaker 1: not going to do that. It's more so for the
11:08
Speaker 1: people that continuously do the same thing and let you down,
11:11
Speaker 1: and they're never a person of their word. So next
11:14
Speaker 1: time someone close to you or someone who's always doing
11:16
Speaker 1: this says something yet again and you think they're gonna
11:19
Speaker 1: let me down, just say, you know what, show me,
11:21
Speaker 1: don't tell me. You know, I'll believe it when I
11:24
Speaker 1: say it. And if they're like, oh, don't be like
11:25
Speaker 1: that or whatever, just say show me, don't tell me.
11:27
Speaker 1: You know, you don't have to tell me. You don't
11:28
Speaker 1: have to tell me. I'd rather you not tell me.
11:31
Speaker 1: That's a really good one. Just say I would rather
11:33
Speaker 1: you not tell me and just show me. You know
11:35
Speaker 1: those partners that are like, oh well, I was gone
11:37
Speaker 1: to buy you flowers, I was going to do this.
11:39
Speaker 1: I was thinking about doing this. I thought that maybe
11:41
Speaker 1: you know, we should one day do this. Shut the
11:43
Speaker 1: fuck up and either do it or don't, but just
11:46
Speaker 1: shut up. You know this. I'd rather you not do
11:49
Speaker 1: it and not say you're going to do it, then
11:52
Speaker 1: you talk shit the whole time. Okay, so this is
11:55
Speaker 1: really really good way to stop feeling disappointed. Pay attention
11:59
Speaker 1: to the people that are always letting you down, even
12:01
Speaker 1: if they're close to you, even if it's your partner
12:03
Speaker 1: and you love them, but it's just this annoying trait,
12:05
Speaker 1: and start saying I'm not expecting that from you. I'm
12:08
Speaker 1: not here to be disappointed. I'm not going to get annoyed.
12:10
Speaker 1: If you want to do that thing, that's fine, but
12:12
Speaker 1: you're going to have to show me through your actions.
12:14
Speaker 1: I don't want to hear it. Love you so much,
12:15
Speaker 1: don't want to hear it. Okay. Next one is the
12:18
Speaker 1: illusion of control that we have when we decide that
12:22
Speaker 1: everyone else is the problem. Okay, if everyone is always wrong,
12:26
Speaker 1: if everyone is always you know, the cause of an issue.
12:30
Speaker 1: If it was the weather, if it was these, if
12:32
Speaker 1: it was that. If every time that something goes wrong
12:35
Speaker 1: in your life it's because someone wronged you or something
12:38
Speaker 1: outrageous happened, then you're going to feel like you have
12:42
Speaker 1: no power, you have no control over your life. You
12:46
Speaker 1: need to start looking at you, at your life and say, Okay,
12:48
Speaker 1: this person might have wronged me, the trains might have
12:50
Speaker 1: been down today that caused me to be late. But overall,
12:53
Speaker 1: how much of what's going on could I have control over?
12:57
Speaker 1: Is it fifty percent? And right now I'm telling myself
12:59
Speaker 1: that I have zero percent? Is there certain things that
13:02
Speaker 1: I could have done where things could have gone better
13:04
Speaker 1: for me? Could I have changed my behavior and certain things?
13:06
Speaker 1: Could I have addressed things differently? Could my performance have
13:09
Speaker 1: been different? This is you reclaiming your agency. You're going
13:13
Speaker 1: to feel way less disappointed with the outcome of the
13:17
Speaker 1: day if you stop blaming every single thing and every
13:21
Speaker 1: single one for things going wrong for you. There are
13:25
Speaker 1: going to be situations where other people are the problem,
13:29
Speaker 1: for sure, but really make sure that you don't fall
13:32
Speaker 1: into that narrative of there's nothing I can do. There's
13:35
Speaker 1: just nothing I can do everyone's the problem. Oh, everyone's wronging,
13:38
Speaker 1: everyone's faked, everyone's is people are fuked all of that. Okay,
13:43
Speaker 1: that's really important. Number five. Allowing yourself to be rejected
13:49
Speaker 1: repeatedly by the same person or by the same kind
13:54
Speaker 1: of person is going to really eat away at your
13:58
Speaker 1: relationship with yourself. So every time you return to someone
14:01
Speaker 1: who has rejected you, or every time you fall into
14:03
Speaker 1: a relationship with the exact same behavior pattern of people
14:06
Speaker 1: in the past that have really rejected or hurted you,
14:09
Speaker 1: you're reinforcing this belief to yourself that you are just optional,
14:15
Speaker 1: not really like a priority. That you feel like you've
14:19
Speaker 1: got to earn other people's love and really work hard
14:21
Speaker 1: for it, but they don't have to earn yours. And
14:24
Speaker 1: you're also telling yourself that your own company and being
14:27
Speaker 1: single and being alone is worse than being let down
14:31
Speaker 1: or disrespected or rejected repeatedly by somebody. Okay, So this
14:37
Speaker 1: disappointment within yourself is going to deepen because of this,
14:42
Speaker 1: you know, abandoning of the self and continuously returning to
14:45
Speaker 1: people that disappoint you. So it's a huge reflection. If
14:48
Speaker 1: I keep allowing people to disappoint me, what am I
14:51
Speaker 1: telling myself, I'm basically disappointing myself how you interact with
14:56
Speaker 1: other people. And this is not the first time. It's
14:58
Speaker 1: perfectly fine the first time, you know, for me once
15:02
Speaker 1: you know, shame on you, for me twice, Shame on me,
15:04
Speaker 1: that kind of thing. But you really have to ask yourself,
15:08
Speaker 1: how much of this, again, is in my control? And
15:11
Speaker 1: how much of this is not in my control? If
15:13
Speaker 1: I'm constantly feeling disappointed with relationships and this and that
15:16
Speaker 1: and whatever, is it because I'm repeatedly allowing the same
15:19
Speaker 1: person or the same kind of person to reject me.
15:21
Speaker 1: Do I need to change it up a bit? Do
15:23
Speaker 1: I need to change my approach and my strategy. The
15:26
Speaker 1: next one, number six is control is restored through behavior. Okay,
15:32
Speaker 1: so you're not going to think your way out of
15:35
Speaker 1: being disappointed necessarily, you have to behave differently, and then
15:38
Speaker 1: things start falling into place and you start feeling more empowered.
15:41
Speaker 1: You start feeling more in control with these important pivotal
15:45
Speaker 1: things within your life, and you feel less and less disappointed.
15:49
Speaker 1: When you feel in control, you feel less disappointed. Even
15:52
Speaker 1: if something went wrong. You don't have to feel as
15:55
Speaker 1: disappointed because you can look back and say, you know what,
15:59
Speaker 1: the reason this didn't work out for me is because
16:01
Speaker 1: of X, Y, and Z, and I might feel bumped
16:03
Speaker 1: and I might initially feel disappointed, but that disappointment, I've
16:07
Speaker 1: been able to do something with it. It's allowed me
16:09
Speaker 1: to look back at my work and see where I
16:11
Speaker 1: could improve or where I didn't have control. It's allowed
16:13
Speaker 1: me to decide if I want to continue interacting with
16:15
Speaker 1: this person. But the disappointed hasn't this disappointment hasn't lasted.
16:19
Speaker 1: I'm able to learn from it and turn it into
16:21
Speaker 1: a tool and do something with it and then change
16:24
Speaker 1: my behavior moving forward. Okay, So that's how we restore
16:28
Speaker 1: our control within our lives. It's by our behaviors, by
16:33
Speaker 1: our actions. Okay. We get to choose who has access
16:36
Speaker 1: to us and how much of that access, because sometimes
16:38
Speaker 1: people have to you work with them or whatever. But
16:40
Speaker 1: how much access do they get and what kind of
16:42
Speaker 1: access do they get? It's another one is following through
16:45
Speaker 1: on promises to yourself. Okay, so following through when you
16:49
Speaker 1: say you're going to do something, and if feel really bad,
16:52
Speaker 1: then every time you make a statement that you say
16:54
Speaker 1: you're going to do something out loud, say I'm not
16:56
Speaker 1: going to say this because my track record is so bad,
17:00
Speaker 1: So I'm actually going to say something smaller that I
17:02
Speaker 1: know I'm going to follow through with. And then when
17:04
Speaker 1: you follow through with that thing, then go upper rung,
17:06
Speaker 1: Go upper rung, upper rung, and then you can start
17:08
Speaker 1: making much bigger commitments to yourself. But what I don't
17:11
Speaker 1: want you doing is falling into this trap where you
17:13
Speaker 1: keep talking fucking shit and not being a person off
17:16
Speaker 1: your word. The most important thing you can do for
17:18
Speaker 1: yourself to stop disappointing yourself is become a person off
17:21
Speaker 1: your word. You do what you say you're going to do,
17:25
Speaker 1: and then it means something, and then it matters, and
17:27
Speaker 1: then in future, when this becomes just part of who
17:30
Speaker 1: you are in future, you don't dare speak of something
17:33
Speaker 1: unless you really think I'm actually going to action this.
17:36
Speaker 1: And then when you say something, you take it seriously
17:39
Speaker 1: and you go ahead and do that thing. It's really
17:41
Speaker 1: important and it feels really good, Okay, and then you're
17:44
Speaker 1: also removing yourself from these power like these imbalanced power
17:50
Speaker 1: dynamics in relationships with other people. Okay, So last one,
17:55
Speaker 1: the final one is that disappointment fades when your self
18:01
Speaker 1: respect and when your self love grows. Okay, So the
18:04
Speaker 1: more you start putting yourself first in that as in
18:07
Speaker 1: like protecting your space, really respecting you know, listen to
18:10
Speaker 1: that episode about boundaries that I spoke about just last week.
18:12
Speaker 1: You know, you start really thinking, I'm putting myself first
18:15
Speaker 1: here with regards to my relationship with other people, but
18:18
Speaker 1: also with regards to how I perceive my abilities and
18:23
Speaker 1: what I'm capable of achieving and doing and all of that.
18:25
Speaker 1: So if I'm constantly trying something and then getting disappointed
18:29
Speaker 1: and then feeling really bummed and then pacifying my behaviors
18:31
Speaker 1: and then waiting for that you know wash out period
18:34
Speaker 1: where I just do nothing and then I get all
18:36
Speaker 1: excited again about the same then I'm just going to
18:38
Speaker 1: be living in this perpetual loop of being disappointed in myself,
18:41
Speaker 1: and every time I retry, I'm going to feel flatter
18:44
Speaker 1: and flatter because I'm more and more disappointed, and my
18:46
Speaker 1: relationship with myself takes a hit. Okay, when I start
18:50
Speaker 1: putting my self respect first, and when I start saying
18:52
Speaker 1: what can I do to ensure that I am a
18:54
Speaker 1: person of my action of my words, that when I
18:58
Speaker 1: say something I follow through or I attempt to follow through.
19:01
Speaker 1: So at least I said, you know what, I might
19:03
Speaker 1: not have been able to do it, but I set
19:04
Speaker 1: out to do it, and I really tried, and I
19:07
Speaker 1: did everything that I could have done. Okay, it's putting
19:10
Speaker 1: boundaries in place between you and other people. It's making
19:13
Speaker 1: sure that you're not listening to people's words, but you're
19:15
Speaker 1: paying attention to their actions. It's looking at the track
19:18
Speaker 1: record of your behavior and of other people's behavior and saying,
19:21
Speaker 1: what am I going to do differently moving forward? All
19:23
Speaker 1: these things are going to increase your self esteem. They're
19:26
Speaker 1: going to increase your confidence, they're going to increase your
19:28
Speaker 1: self respect, and then you're going to realize that you're
19:31
Speaker 1: going to be less and less and less disappointed. Disappointment
19:34
Speaker 1: slows you down on your journey for new things in
19:37
Speaker 1: your life, to change things to you know, get to
19:40
Speaker 1: that balanced state where you feel comfortable and happy within
19:43
Speaker 1: your own skin, where you feel like you can be
19:45
Speaker 1: at peace, where it doesn't have to be gog, go
19:47
Speaker 1: go go all the time you're also always chasing your tail.
19:49
Speaker 1: You can actually settle in and enjoy your life. That's
19:52
Speaker 1: what happens when disappointment goes down and when self respect
19:56
Speaker 1: goes up. So that is the episode of today. Thank
19:59
Speaker 1: you so much for lists. I love you guys so much.
20:02
Speaker 1: Please go and listen to the episodes of last week,
20:05
Speaker 1: or go and re listen and just write the top
20:09
Speaker 1: points down and have them near your bed, have them
20:11
Speaker 1: somewhere accessible that when you wake up, you say, this
20:13
Speaker 1: is the theme of today. We're focusing on overhauling my
20:17
Speaker 1: expectations for myself or my disappointment in other people or whatever.
20:20
Speaker 1: Whatever the episode is, that as the theme of the day,
20:23
Speaker 1: you're really going to focus on it. And then, you know,
20:25
Speaker 1: this miniseries can be returned to it anytime, because it
20:27
Speaker 1: is not you know, specifically it has to be at
20:30
Speaker 1: the start of the year. It can be whenever. Also,
20:33
Speaker 1: I would love for you. I'm loving the comments. I'm
20:35
Speaker 1: reading all your comments on my episodes on Spotify genuinely obsessed.
20:40
Speaker 1: So please keep commenting. It's really cool. And other people
20:43
Speaker 1: can read the comments as well and reply and like
20:46
Speaker 1: and all of that. So you know, we had people
20:48
Speaker 1: talking about, you know, different parts of how they set
20:51
Speaker 1: their goals and things they're going to do differently. In
20:53
Speaker 1: the comments of last week's episode, So please comment below
20:56
Speaker 1: here as well on certain things you know, when it
20:58
Speaker 1: comes to being a person off your word, what's going
21:01
Speaker 1: to change in your language or what are you going
21:03
Speaker 1: to stop allowing in other people and things like that.
21:05
Speaker 1: So what has this episode kind of inspired you to do?
21:08
Speaker 1: And the reason I'm asking you to do this is
21:09
Speaker 1: because I like it when other people read comments, because
21:12
Speaker 1: someone might be feeling really lost right now and think, oh,
21:14
Speaker 1: I love it, but I still don't know an exact
21:17
Speaker 1: example of how I can apply this in my life,
21:19
Speaker 1: and they might come across your comment and you might,
21:21
Speaker 1: you know, spark, you know, ignite a spark in their
21:25
Speaker 1: mind and really help that other lessener out. So I
21:28
Speaker 1: would really appreciate any any kind of ideas you have
21:31
Speaker 1: that would work for you. Share it and you might
21:34
Speaker 1: be really helping someone else in the community as well.
21:37
Speaker 1: And then of course there's always please rate and review
21:39
Speaker 1: the podcast obviously five stars and keep sharing the episode
21:43
Speaker 1: as you guys always do, because this podcast grows because
21:46
Speaker 1: of you guys always word of mouth. Love you guys
21:49
Speaker 1: so much. As always, remember, be kind to yourself, become
21:51
Speaker 1: to your brain, don't take shit from anyone, and especially
21:54
Speaker 1: don't take shit from yourself. Dunk Hu