Latest / The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook / Mental Health & Motherhood: How to Support Your Child Without Losing Yourself with Jenn Robb

Transcript

Mental Health & Motherhood: How to Support Your Child Without Losing Yourself with Jenn Robb · The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook

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  But then ultimately it changed like the whole purpose along the
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  way of like, OK, this is really like a whole women's problem,
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  right? All women across all aspects of
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  lives, mothers, non mothers beat themselves up for this
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  unattainable perfectionism that we think we must have.
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  And then we also get trapped in our own feelings and our own
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  hormones in that midlife part of our lives, right?
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  The goal is, is I don't want women to stay stuck there.
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  I want women to thrive in this mid part, latter part of their
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  years. Because you are not just a
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  mother, you're not just a wife, you're not just a caretaker,
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  right? You are you.
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  And you were created for a purpose.
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  Hello, Welcome to the Field Podcast.
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  I'm your host, Melissa Crook. I'm here today with a new
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  friend. Thanks to our good friends at
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  Pod Match. Jen Robb is here with me today
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  and Jen has a story that is going to be filled with
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  resources for women, period, across the board, resources for
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  moms and, and just some anecdotes that are going to be
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  so relatable that so many of us have walked through both as
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  women and also as as moms that you feel like you're alone in.
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  You feel like nobody understands.
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  And then you hear someone's story and their research is
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  like, Oh my gosh, I'm not alone in this.
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  I, I, I, there's resources to support me.
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  I'm not failing. We, we are so hard on ourselves
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  as women in regards to how we show up in the world, our own
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  health. And also when we're among we, we
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  are the first ones to beat ourselves up so many times for
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  things that aren't actually our fault.
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  And we're doing the very best we can.
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  And so Jen's going to have some great information for you today,
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  but I think her story is going to be something you're going to
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  really connect to and, and be grateful for and to know this
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  out there. And just that reminder that
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  we're here to do this together. We're here to support each other
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  and all of our layers and phases and journeys that we have as
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  women. She describes herself as someone
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  with strength, purpose and faith.
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  She helps others find that in themselves as well.
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  Jen, Rob, welcome to the Field Podcast.
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  Well, thanks, Melissa. I'm glad to be here.
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  I'm so glad to have you here. All right, let's get started.
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  We're going to start with self-care.
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  And when I talk about self-care, I'm not talking about those kind
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  of surface level things we do. Not that they're not important,
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  not that we don't enjoy the day at the spa or getting the nails
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  done or the weekend away with the girls or whatever it is that
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  you know those things. I'm talking about that deep,
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  meaningful way where you really are prioritizing your health and
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  Wellness in your line of work, in your story, there's so many
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  spaces and places. I'm sure that this has come up
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  for you. So talk to me about yourself
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  care journey. Well, you know, like when, when
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  my daughter was in the midst of her mental health struggles, you
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  know, I remember like being several years in and kind of
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  waking up going, I was 40 lbs heavier.
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  I didn't know who I was anymore because my whole goal in life
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  had been to, I mean, legitimately to keep her alive,
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  right? Like that was the goal.
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  And, you know, she went everywhere with me.
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  I mean, it's since been better because, right, we're best
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  friends now. But sure, during that time you
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  really lose sight of like who you are, right?
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  Because and you let yourself kind of go, but I remember
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  looking in the mirror, you know, several years in going, I don't
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  even know who I am. Like, who is this woman that's
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  40 lbs heavier than I've ever been in my whole life?
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  And not to mention, you know, you're in the throes of like
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  perimenopause and menopause and all these other things to add to
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  it. So it was, it became about being
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  intentional, right? Not just finding that, like you
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  say, the surface levels, like I love a good hair day and spa day
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  and nail days and all that, but it really became about finding
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  something that was like refreshing to my soul, right?
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  That was that was specific to me, you know, and for me, that
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  was listening to like worship music in my car, right?
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  Like kind of that was the place where you can go and, you know,
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  as a mom, right. No matter if you go to the
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  bathroom, you have little kids or, you know, in my case, my
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  daughter. But, you know, 17 still follows
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  me to the bathroom, right. And so you can't like, you can't
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  say I'm going to go take a shower and be alone because they
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  still find you. Yeah.
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  I mean, they still find you. But like, or it's the husband,
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  you know, one of the way. But in my car, I can like shut
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  it and I can lock the door and I can just be in that moment with
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  something that speaks directly to me, right.
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  And for some people that may be taking a walk, just being
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  outside for 10 minutes, you know, one of my dearest friends,
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  she takes a walk every day. And it doesn't have to be like
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  she's not really out there like, you know, hustling, you know,
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  rocking really fast. But it's just, it's a 15 or 20
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  minute walk around the lake that she lives near to kind of pour
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  back into her right to have the sunshine on your face, to have
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  those quiet moments where you can turn your phone off and
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  you're not distracted. And that's what it's about,
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  right? It's finding whatever it is that
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  works for you, that brings intention and purpose and making
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  yourself a priority in those in those few moments a day.
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  It and you know, I hear all the time women say, well, I don't
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  have time for that. What do you mean you don't have
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  time? Like you can't find 10 minutes
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  in a day, even 5 minutes, right? About something that is specific
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  for you, right? Like, I mean, I understand like
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  when it's, it's harder to write when we have little kids and
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  they're, they're running around, but do they have nap times?
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  Do they sleep later in the, you know, in the morning?
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  Can you get up, you know, 10 minutes early?
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  There has to be something because what, what it does for
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  women is when we pour back into ourselves is it makes us to be
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  more present in the times that we have to be, you know, 100%
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  mom mode, wife mode, whatever. You can be more present because
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  you don't feel drained and empty.
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  Yeah. Yes, yes, and I'd love you
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  nailed that so perfectly. I agree with so much with
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  everything you said. And it's not about the amount of
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  time, it's about the quality of the time.
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  If you get 5 minutes of quality time and you can divide that in
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  the day, 5 minutes in the morning, 5 minutes of nap time,
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  5 minutes in the evening after they go to bed.
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  And you, however it is, you find it that thing that fills your
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  cup and it and, and that individual thing because because
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  we're all unique human beings, we're all going to have
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  different ways that connect. We also change over seasons and
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  time. So if that thing isn't feeling
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  you, then you then you get curious and you explore, OK,
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  what's a new thing that I need? Where am I at today?
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  So thank you so much for that. That was so good.
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  And this really fills right into healthy boundaries.
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  Healthy boundaries are a lot about marking out that time.
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  This is the time I fill my cup. This is the time I pour into my
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  children. This is the time my partner and
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  I spend together. This is the time I sleep and you
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  know, and, and, and, and so. Yeah, absolutely.
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  So really, you, you've already done that.
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  You've kind of, you've found, you knew you had that moment.
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  And this is not uncommon when we are pouring ourselves into the
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  people we love, into our children, especially when our
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  children it is challenging enough to be a parent.
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  And then you add on another layer of a mental health illness
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  as physical health illness. Sometimes there's both going on
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  because they can play off of each other.
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  It is very easy for us to wake up one day and have exactly the
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  experience. But you really took that as a a
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  wake up moment and a like, hold on a minute.
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  This is not who I am. This is not how I want to show
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  up in the world. That presence you talked about
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  South. Talk to me too about that when
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  you made that decision to make this time for that, you know,
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  and you really intentionally, whether you meant to or not set
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  these healthy boundaries in place for you.
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  Talk to me about just the power of that decision.
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  And because I think sometimes we think we don't have choices
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  until we wake up one day. Like actually, I do get to.
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  Choose. Well.
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  That's just it though. We do have the power to choose,
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  right? And as women and as moms and as
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  wives, we set boundaries all the time.
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  We set boundaries all the time for our children, right?
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  You can't be out that late. You can't, you know, you have to
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  stay home and do your schoolwork.
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  You can't be over at that person's house.
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  I mean, we set boundaries. Is is to and even to who we
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  allow into our children's lives. Yeah.
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  Right. Like we set boundaries all the
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  times for everybody else. So why, as moms and as wives and
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  as women, do we say everybody else is important, but I'm not?
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  Yeah. And I mean, that's just worth
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  setting boundaries, right? Like it's OK to say no.
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  Like no is a full sentence, right?
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  And, you know, I remember going through the phases where it's
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  like, OK, I want to be the head of the PTAI, want to be like the
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  room mom. I want to be all of these things
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  and still have my own career and all, you know, and still be the
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  best mom and best wife. But at the end of the day, all
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  that does is when you just say yes to everything, it just zaps
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  your energy. And then you then you become,
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  you know, more Moody and you're just, you're not happy to be
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  around, right? And that's the thing.
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  It's just by simply setting a small boundary, like, you know
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  what, I am going to give myself 10 minutes a day.
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  I mean, that's a boundary, right?
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  I'm going to set a boundary that I'm not going to be around
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  people who essentially suck the life out of you, right?
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  Like if they may, if you don't walk away from people and feel
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  like joyful that you were there and that you were in their
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  presence, then that's a boundary.
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  And you need to say, you know what, this is too hard for me,
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  right? And I feel like sometimes as
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  women, we learned that when we get older, right, when we get
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  into our 40s and we're kind of like, you know what?
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  I'm tired of people pleasing, right?
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  And it doesn't mean that you have to be like, you know, a not
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  nice person. Right.
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  But making sure that you are a priority, that matters.
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  Yeah. And I just feel like we have to
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  learn sometimes as women and sometimes we have to learn it
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  the really hard way, right, That no is a complete sentence.
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  And you know, I, I see this all the time, especially like in,
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  you know, I work in a women's clinic and women just they don't
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  know how to say no. They just do not know how to
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  prioritize themselves. Because somewhere along the
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  lines, and I'm assuming that it's probably like cultural or
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  society based, that we feel like setting a boundary and doing
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  something for ourselves has to be really expensive and we have
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  to be gone for 8 to 10 hours a day.
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  Yeah. Well, that's just simply not the
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  truth, right? I mean, setting 10 minutes a day
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  aside for you and setting that boundary, like that's a hard
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  stop. I mean, short of like somebody
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  having an emergency, right? Like you are taking your 10 or
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  15 minutes a day. And for some women that's
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  exercising, you know, and saying that that that's my non
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  negotiable like, right, the way it makes me feel better about
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  myself. You know, I am taking care of my
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  body and but that's still about me time, right?
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  And it's just really, again, learning to say no, yeah.
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  And then I mean again, as I really think like, and I learned
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  this much later, especially after Chloe was really digging
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  into her mental health stuff, is the people that I don't want
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  around her. Right therefore.
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  If I don't want those people around her, why do I want them
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  around me? Yeah.
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  Right. Like, and that's OK.
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  Like it's OK to be like, you know what, I'm going to love you
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  from a distance. Yeah.
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  That's OK. Yeah, that's.
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  OK, Yeah, yeah, I love the way you put that.
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  I'm going to like because these things don't have to be loud
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  and. Guns are blazing.
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  You don't have to be very blazing.
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  Exactly, this can be a simple like my time is valuable, my
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  time matters, my space deserves to be filled with those that
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  feel supportive of me and and how I need to show up in the
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  world and it's OK to protect that space.
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  No period is very powerful. We don't have to over explain or
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  rationalize because we tend to be the over explaining champions
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  of the world world. I'm a recovering over explainer
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  and it you know, and it's and it's just I think these
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  narratives seep in when we're little girls about how we're
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  supposed to show up in the world culturally, societally, and over
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  time. It's like, wait a minute, this
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  isn't serving me. And also, I think another thing.
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  We not only want to be present and enjoy the time with our
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  people, we want them to remember us being present.
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  We don't want them to remember us being irritable and and
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  distracted and tired, you know? So I think there's so much part
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  of that. Thank you so much for that.
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  This goes nicely into our mental, emotional, physical,
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  spiritual health. All connected, all a part of
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  makeup, that makeup who we are. You, I think, understand this so
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  intrinsically working in in women's holistic health.
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  Talk to me about how you when you realize those things were
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  connected and and how that kind of impacted your choice to go
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  down this road in this line of work.
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  Well, I mean, as, as human beings, right?
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  We are spiritual, physical, emotional beings.
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  I mean, yeah, we have multiple layers to what makes us up who
• 14:53
  we are, right? And again, it just goes back to,
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  you know, with women and Women's Health, we dismiss everything
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  about ourselves because we have to take care of everyone else
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  first, right? Just like when, you know, Chloe
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  was in the throes of her mental health struggles, you know, and
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  I wake up and I'm 40 lbs heavier than I've ever been.
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  You. Know, and then you, you look in
• 15:15
  the mirror and the emotional mental part of you looks in the
• 15:19
  mirror and it's like, I don't even like myself, right?
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  I don't like who I don't want to kind of look, you know, and then
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  we pick ourselves apart. And so as women, you know, we
• 15:30
  have to be proactive in our health.
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  Again, it's how you show up, right?
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  And this doesn't mean that you have to spend thousands of
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  dollars, you know, doing different skin treatments and,
• 15:42
  you know, health scans and all that stuff.
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  It's just about doing something for you, right?
• 15:49
  And finding what makes you feel better about yourself, right?
• 15:53
  And we all know as women, you know, I mean, I specifically
• 15:57
  work with mostly perimenopause, menopausal women, right?
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  And I hear it all day every day. Like I don't even like who I am.
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  I don't even know who I am. I don't like who I feel right,
• 16:10
  And we've been taught as women for so long that it's that's
• 16:16
  just how it is. You're a woman.
• 16:18
  Suck it up, buttercup. Right, Like and that is just
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  simply not the case. We don't have to go through life
• 16:25
  feeling miserable internally and then making everything else
• 16:31
  about our lives miserable as well, right?
• 16:35
  And there are things. And so finding a good provider
• 16:40
  who wants to listen and understands as a woman, like
• 16:44
  you're, you're multifaceted as a person, right?
• 16:47
  And we change over the course of time, right?
• 16:50
  We are not the same person that we were in our 20s, right?
• 16:54
  Like, and I mean, I married my husband when I was 21.
• 16:58
  I'm not the same girl that I was when I was 21, right?
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  We evolved and we figured out like, OK, I, you know, I
• 17:06
  definitely don't like this anymore.
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  But I want. To be this type of person, you
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  know, I want to do this thing in my life because now I see what
• 17:15
  my purpose is. Well, finding a provider that
• 17:20
  can help you get those things and teach you healthy
• 17:22
  lifestyles, right? And, and just about how to take
• 17:27
  care of yourself, right? How to take care of your
• 17:29
  hormones and all of these things that we've been told our whole
• 17:33
  lives as women, it doesn't matter.
• 17:37
  There's nothing you can do about it.
• 17:38
  It doesn't matter, right? And then again, it mentally,
• 17:44
  physically, spiritually, all of them are interconnected because
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  you know, if you don't feel well physically, it takes a toll on
• 17:50
  your mental health and it also takes effect on your like your
• 17:54
  spirituality, right? Like you just, you're beat down
• 17:58
  in all aspects. So spiritually, you know,
• 18:02
  finding something that speaks to your soul, right?
• 18:05
  If it's going to church or it's a Bible study, or it's worship
• 18:08
  music, whatever it may be. And then taking care of your
• 18:11
  mental health, right? Giving yourself permission to
• 18:14
  say no and make yourself a priority, right?
• 18:17
  And then taking care of your physically, I mean your physical
• 18:20
  self, right? Diet, exercise, supplements, you
• 18:24
  know, taking care of the things that aren't functioning right in
• 18:29
  your body, right, the hormones, right.
• 18:32
  Like we have to make us a priority in that and not just
• 18:37
  say, Oh, well, that's how it is because we're women.
• 18:39
  Yeah, yeah. I think this idea, and I love
• 18:42
  that you spoke to this because I think this idea there's for
• 18:45
  centuries has been this idea that we just got to own that
• 18:49
  once we hit midlife, there's just some years in there,
• 18:52
  they're going to be bumpy. And it's like it doesn't have to
• 18:55
  be that way. We have the right resources and
• 18:57
  we have someone that'll listen that is curious.
• 19:00
  A practitioner that will like isn't just going to throw a pill
• 19:04
  at it, but it's going to be a quick, let's look at the whole
• 19:06
  picture here. Let's get to the bottom of of
• 19:09
  what's happening here and address that, that this we can
• 19:13
  thrive in this time. I mean, I'm 56, I'm at the tail
• 19:18
  end of all of this. It really started showing up for
• 19:21
  me at 45, and there were even things showing up as far back as
• 19:25
  38 that I didn't know were attached to it because I
• 19:28
  literally didn't ever hear the word perimenopause until I was
• 19:32
  three years into it. But.
• 19:35
  You realize that women, we spend the majority of our life in
• 19:40
  these, you know, menopausal, post menopausal years.
• 19:45
  And this. Little like magic wand that
• 19:47
  women go oh OK, I'm going to be out of it by the time I'm 55.
• 19:51
  Right. I mean, I see women all the
• 19:53
  time. I mean, I just saw one this week
• 19:55
  that was 68 and she still looked at me and said I don't like who
• 20:01
  I've become. I mean, she's 68, right?
• 20:05
  And she's a healthy, yeah. Plays pickleball six days a
• 20:08
  week, is doing yoga like she's not a sedentary, like, you know,
• 20:12
  bed bound 68 year old. We spend the majority of our
• 20:17
  lives in this phase. And so making your health a
• 20:22
  priority so that you feel better, right?
• 20:24
  Again, it goes back to when you feel better mentally,
• 20:27
  physically, spiritually, you show up better for the people
• 20:32
  who need you the most. Absolutely.
• 20:34
  And we never stop being moms, we never stop being grandmothers,
• 20:39
  we never stop being wives. We are always those caretaker
• 20:43
  people, right? No matter how old our husbands,
• 20:46
  I mean our kids get or whatever, we're still those caretakers,
• 20:50
  right? And in order to show up and be
• 20:55
  the very best version of you, you have to take care of those
• 20:59
  physical things. And it's OK.
• 21:01
  Like, I mean, that's why I love like functional integrative
• 21:04
  medicine, right? Because that's what it focuses
• 21:06
  on. It focuses on root cause.
• 21:09
  Yes, there's disease processes, but what is the dysfunction that
• 21:13
  we might can alter with some simple things, right?
• 21:16
  And that's what functional medicine is.
• 21:18
  It's whole person care, right? I've been in conventional
• 21:23
  medicine. I mean, I've been in medicine
• 21:24
  for over 20, working on 25 years, right?
• 21:28
  And in conventional medicine, we are taught just to, you know, to
• 21:32
  treat the disease process, put a Band-Aid over it, and then keep
• 21:36
  moving. If.
• 21:38
  That's different than functional, like whole person
• 21:42
  care where you're focused on root cause.
• 21:45
  Is it environmental? Are there lifestyle
• 21:47
  modifications that we need to make?
• 21:49
  You know, is it genetics? Is it, you know, is it something
• 21:53
  like a real disease process that is taking a toll?
• 21:57
  But it's about finding those providers that want to listen
• 22:00
  and really help you move through the spectrum over the over your
• 22:05
  lifespan, right? And not just put a Band-Aid on
• 22:08
  it. Like that's my pet peeve in
• 22:09
  medicine is like, oh, let's just take a pill or let's take a
• 22:12
  pill. I mean, and even when you go
• 22:14
  back to like, my daughter struggles with mental health,
• 22:18
  right? This is where I saw that too.
• 22:21
  I mean, she's at the time she was 13 years old.
• 22:26
  And, you know, I took her to multiple psychiatrists and
• 22:29
  they're all just like, oh, we'll just take this pill for her
• 22:32
  anxiety and depression. Let's not figure out what the
• 22:34
  problem is, right? Let's just throw a pill at it.
• 22:39
  And then, you know, we put her on a medication and she starts
• 22:43
  to have hallucinations from it. And their answer to the
• 22:46
  question, and I'm talking about hallucinations like stuff coming
• 22:49
  out of walls, right? Oh, wow.
• 22:52
  And again, I've been in medicine.
• 22:53
  So like, I'm a little little more in tune than, you know, the
• 22:57
  normal person. But you know, their answer was,
• 23:00
  well, just double the dose, Double the dose.
• 23:06
  That makes no sense to me. Like that's completely
• 23:08
  counterintuitive, right? But that's the conventional
• 23:11
  modern medicine world that we live in, right?
• 23:14
  It's just like, well, it's a little bit doesn't help that it
• 23:17
  you must take more, right? And so part of like being in
• 23:21
  this phase of being mom and wife and then making yourself a
• 23:25
  priority is advocating for yourself, Not only advocating
• 23:29
  for your child or, you know, in some cases it's your spouse,
• 23:33
  right, but advocating for yourself.
• 23:37
  And that is by saying, you know what, I'm going to take a moment
• 23:41
  and I'm going to go to the doctor.
• 23:43
  I'm going to figure out why I'm so tired all the time.
• 23:47
  I'm going to figure out why I feel like I want to bite your
• 23:50
  head off all the time, right? Like we have to find these
• 23:53
  things and advocate for ourselves because at the end of
• 23:56
  the day, nobody else is advocating for us.
• 23:58
  Absolutely yes. Our.
• 24:00
  Husbands don't understand the hormonal shifts that we go
• 24:04
  through. I mean, as supportive as they
• 24:06
  they try to be, they don't really understand it right?
• 24:09
  So the only one advocating for you is you.
• 24:12
  Yeah. Absolutely.
• 24:13
  And I think it's such an important piece of this and it's
• 24:16
  OK to say to question things and it's OK if you don't feel like
• 24:21
  you're being heard to shift. I shifted to a functional
• 24:25
  medicine, integrative medicine practitioners in my late 40s.
• 24:29
  I just made it. It's like I am tired of people.
• 24:32
  Just I want to know why. I'm a naturally curious person.
• 24:36
  Why is this happening? It wasn't happening before, so
• 24:40
  why is it happening now? What's happening in my body that
• 24:43
  is contributing to this? I want to know why.
• 24:46
  I don't want you just to give me this thing.
• 24:49
  And I want to go back to for a minute, navigating these systems
• 24:54
  with our children can be so challenging.
• 24:58
  And so talk to me about that process because I know there's
• 25:03
  parents out there listening that have been through this too.
• 25:06
  And it can feel very aggravating and very lonely and very
• 25:10
  frustrating. And I think, you know, your
• 25:14
  daughter's so fortunate that you have the background you do.
• 25:17
  So you were naturally like, this isn't adding up.
• 25:20
  But I think sometimes as parents, because we're feeling
• 25:23
  kind of at our wit's end and we're trying to help our kids,
• 25:27
  that we just are like, willing to do anything.
• 25:30
  But also beyond that, you know, what you said is so true.
• 25:34
  It's like, you want me to double the dose of this thing that's
• 25:37
  clearly problematic for her. That makes no sense.
• 25:42
  And I think we forget sometimes that medicine is a practice and
• 25:46
  it's OK to ask questions. So talk to me about that process
• 25:50
  for you and how you've been able to navigate.
• 25:52
  That well, I mean, it's just like you said, right?
• 25:55
  Like it's OK to question what a provider is saying and if
• 26:01
  they're deeply offended. I mean, I've been in medicine
• 26:04
  for so long, right? Like my main background is in
• 26:07
  trauma and surgery in ICU, right?
• 26:10
  So I'm used to dealing with surgeons, right, who think they
• 26:15
  have like their end all be all right, Like, and it's whatever I
• 26:18
  say is that, you know, the cold hard truth.
• 26:22
  And so we kind of again, I think it's culturally in society that
• 26:26
  we have been brainwashed almost that whatever a doctor says or a
• 26:32
  provider, whatever they say, you have to just take and say, OK,
• 26:37
  whatever. I mean, that's what you said.
• 26:39
  But that's simply not the question.
• 26:41
  I mean, you have the ability to question and sometimes it's just
• 26:47
  out of general, you know, curiosity, like, OK, that
• 26:49
  doesn't make a lot of sense to me.
• 26:51
  And maybe I'm really naive on this, but how does that help her
• 26:55
  or him, right? I mean, and in in those
• 26:59
  instances with your child, I mean, Chloe was in the throes of
• 27:02
  like, not wanting to be alive, right?
• 27:05
  I mean, there was no way that she was going to be able to
• 27:08
  speak up for herself, right? So we as parents are their
• 27:12
  voices, right? And again, you don't have to go
• 27:15
  in with guns blazing, you know, and super defensive, but it's
• 27:20
  about asking questions and having them explain it to you.
• 27:23
  But if, if something feels off, right, if they're just wanting
• 27:28
  to push a pill and not understand what is really
• 27:32
  happening to cause your 13 year old to have anxiety, depression
• 27:36
  or whatever. And it may be trying times to
• 27:39
  change providers. You know, we changed, I changed
• 27:42
  her psychiatrist two or three times because one, I mean, the
• 27:46
  first ones or two were just men and they were just like, well, I
• 27:50
  mean, she should just be able to get over it.
• 27:52
  Well, she can't, right. Like, I mean, and then it was
• 27:56
  the throwing the pill things, you know, let's just take this
• 27:58
  pill with your hallucinating from it.
• 28:00
  Let's double the dose. And that's The thing is, right
• 28:03
  is you don't want your kid or even yourself so kind of gorked
• 28:08
  out on medications that you don't you don't even know really
• 28:13
  what's happening, right? Because essentially what happens
• 28:15
  is when you take away that Band-Aid and you haven't dealt
• 28:19
  with root cause problem, what's going to happen?
• 28:22
  You're going to spiral again. Absolutely.
• 28:24
  Medication does is put and I am I'm not saying that medications
• 28:28
  aren't good, right? Because even in functional
• 28:31
  integrative medicine you use conventional modalities.
• 28:34
  Sure. But there has to be a process,
• 28:39
  right? And it can't be the only answer
• 28:41
  that they give you is a medication, right?
• 28:44
  But it's also OK to say, you know what, you may be a nice
• 28:48
  person, but you're not the right fit.
• 28:51
  It's OK to say that, right? I mean, I changed her
• 28:54
  psychiatrist several times. I even changed her counselors 3
• 28:57
  times. Because not all counselors and
• 29:00
  therapist, they're not all the same.
• 29:03
  Right. They may all have the same
• 29:05
  credentials per SE, but they're not all the same, right?
• 29:09
  And finding and, and advocating for your child, right?
• 29:12
  That you know what, you can tell that they're not comfortable
• 29:17
  with that. And again, you are the expert on
• 29:20
  your child, not a provider that you're just now seeing and
• 29:24
  they've only seen you for 5 minutes and they're like, oh,
• 29:26
  take this pill and that will fix everything.
• 29:29
  They're not the expert here, right?
• 29:31
  You are the expert on your child.
• 29:34
  And as providers, we often forget, right?
• 29:36
  Because again, we are somewhat a picture of authority because we
• 29:41
  do know better when it comes to medicine, but we don't know your
• 29:46
  child or your spouse better than you do.
• 29:49
  Right. Exactly.
• 29:51
  And it's OK to push back a bit, like, you know, I mean, changing
• 29:54
  Chloe's counselors, I mean, the first one, she was the sweetest
• 29:58
  woman I've ever seen in my whole life.
• 30:01
  But what I quickly figured out about her was she didn't push
• 30:04
  Chloe to really figure out what the problem was with Chloe.
• 30:08
  She basically just said, oh, it's OK to feel that way.
• 30:13
  OK, it's all great and fine and dandy.
• 30:15
  But at the end, Chloe's learned because kids are smart, what to
• 30:21
  say to make you think that she's getting better.
• 30:24
  Because, I mean, that's what they are.
• 30:25
  They're master manipulators, these little creatures that we
• 30:28
  have, you know what I mean? Like, they had quit.
• 30:31
  She had quickly learned like, oh, this lady's not going to
• 30:33
  push back against me. And so, you know, it was finding
• 30:38
  somebody that was like going to challenge Chloe, but also
• 30:41
  someone that Chloe felt safe with and comfortable with and
• 30:45
  and was able to talk to. And trust it.
• 30:49
  Right. The other thing I will say to
• 30:50
  this, and this is really hard for most moms, is you don't have
• 30:55
  to know everything that they talk about in counseling.
• 30:58
  Yeah. Right.
• 31:00
  Like the less your child is an immediate danger, harm to
• 31:04
  themselves or to someone else. They don't have to tell you
• 31:07
  everything. Yeah.
• 31:09
  And it's OK. Like, there were many times that
• 31:11
  Chloe would get in the car after a session and I could tell it
• 31:14
  was a hard session. She was upset or whatever, and
• 31:16
  she didn't want to talk about it.
• 31:18
  Yeah. And like, you have to be OK with
• 31:20
  that because the more you push and tell me, tell me, tell me,
• 31:23
  tell me right now they're going to push back too and be like,
• 31:26
  I'm just, I'm done talking to you, right?
• 31:29
  So it's OK to to know that person that is counseling or,
• 31:36
  you know, pouring into your child, but to trust them along
• 31:39
  the way and say, you know what? I know that you're going to tell
• 31:42
  me if something is of immediate harm to her, but the rest of the
• 31:47
  minor details, I mean, Chloe's 17 now and she's thriving,
• 31:50
  right? But there's still details of her
• 31:52
  story of what happened to her that I don't know.
• 31:55
  Yeah. And that's OK.
• 31:58
  Yeah. But you know, as moms, we think
• 32:01
  we have to know every single detail.
• 32:03
  But in reality, you don't. What you have to know is, is, is
• 32:07
  your child safe? They're not in immediate danger.
• 32:12
  And then you just have to trust the process of someone that you
• 32:16
  trust to help your child. Yeah, Yeah, That was really
• 32:20
  good. Thank you so much for that, Jen.
• 32:22
  Thank you. I appreciate that.
• 32:23
  That's so helpful. Because at the end of the day,
• 32:27
  we want our kids to thrive and know how and trust themselves
• 32:32
  and trust that they've got the tools and resources to take care
• 32:36
  of themselves and tap into far beyond the day, you know, into
• 32:42
  the days ahead into adulthood. And yeah, thank you so much.
• 32:46
  I was so good showing up unapologetically for yourself
• 32:50
  and other women. That is really at such a core of
• 32:54
  who you are and what you do. You talk talk to me about how
• 33:00
  you decided because you obviously we've talked about
• 33:03
  your your work. We talked about Chloe, but you
• 33:06
  have a whole lawyer mom website and resources that you support
• 33:11
  and provide help for women in and to me that is just the
• 33:16
  definition of how you show up unapologetically for yourself
• 33:20
  and others. When did you decide it was time
• 33:23
  to take that step and then talk about that work and and what
• 33:27
  that offers and what's possible? I mean, I never set out to be an
• 33:31
  author, right? Like, I just, I mean, I've been
• 33:34
  in medicine. This is what I know, you know,
• 33:37
  but I really felt like after, like, dealing with Chloe.
• 33:41
  Yeah. And hearing from other women,
• 33:43
  like, you know, oh, I, I've been down that road.
• 33:46
  But, you know, I didn't know what to do or I didn't know how
• 33:49
  to navigate that. I really felt like, OK, I need
• 33:53
  to write a book to help moms understand a that they're not
• 33:57
  alone, right? And that their story, it matters
• 34:02
  because the book is written from my perspective of taking care of
• 34:07
  Chloe, right? And how hard it is sometimes as
• 34:12
  a mom, because again, we often get forgotten when we're in the
• 34:18
  throes because everybody's focused on the child or the
• 34:21
  spouse or whatever that's sick mentally, physically, whatever.
• 34:25
  And we often forget. We are often forgotten because
• 34:29
  we're the caretaker, right? But caretakers are very, very
• 34:32
  important and our energy and our, our truth matters too,
• 34:39
  right? And our feelings matter.
• 34:42
  And so that's really what the book is about is really trying
• 34:46
  to help women understand that they're not alone, right?
• 34:49
  That there is, there is hope at the end of the day, right, no
• 34:56
  matter what you're facing or struggling.
• 34:58
  And again, you know, this is where faith the book is, you
• 35:01
  know, very heavily faith-based. And so, you know, I don't know
• 35:06
  that I would have made it through if I didn't have my own,
• 35:08
  you know, personal faith because there are very, very challenging
• 35:12
  times. And it's about finding that
• 35:16
  right. And then at the end of the book,
• 35:18
  I really talk about advocating for yourself and advocating to
• 35:23
  pour into yourself and setting those boundaries and some
• 35:26
  self-care modalities and those types of things because all of
• 35:30
  that is so important. And we cannot forget ourselves
• 35:35
  in this whole story, right? And that's about showing up
• 35:37
  unapologetically, right? Like, and on your truth, set
• 35:41
  your boundaries and then don't worry about trying to be, you
• 35:46
  know, about everybody else's feelings because at the end of
• 35:50
  the day, your feelings matter. And then the person you're
• 35:52
  taking care of matter, right? And that's really the heart of
• 35:57
  the book, is, is standing up for yourself and finding your voice
• 36:04
  in the midst of being your child's voice too.
• 36:08
  That's so good. Thank you so much for that.
• 36:10
  And your why and your values are so intertwined in this.
• 36:16
  You've learned how you living out of your own expectations so
• 36:20
  intertwined in this. You just addressed that as you
• 36:22
  got to shut up the noise and you know, use utilize your voice,
• 36:27
  advocate for your child and trust that process and not worry
• 36:31
  about all the outside noise. Talk to me about how that those
• 36:34
  why and values have really shaped over time, what you've
• 36:39
  learned about them through this process and how they allow you
• 36:43
  to kind of because it's really, those are really the compasses
• 36:47
  that allow us to say yes and no to things that allow us to show
• 36:52
  up. You know, but I also think it
• 36:54
  goes back to we have our own standards, right?
• 36:59
  As women, as moms, as wives, we have our own standards, right?
• 37:03
  And sometimes we put our standards at such a high level
• 37:07
  of ourselves that they're almost unattainable.
• 37:11
  So it's really about like, figuring out that you don't have
• 37:15
  to be perfect, right? There's no perfect human on this
• 37:20
  planet, right? And it's OK if you make a wrong
• 37:25
  step somewhere along this process of being the caretaker,
• 37:28
  right? Like, it's OK, but you have to
• 37:31
  figure out how to pivot. You're never going to be
• 37:34
  perfect, so you might as well let go of that expectation that
• 37:38
  you're going to do every single solitary thing perfectly along
• 37:42
  the way. It's not going to happen, and
• 37:45
  that's OK. But what matters the most in any
• 37:50
  of these situations is that you you get back up, right?
• 37:56
  You don't stay down in the woe is me, the pity party, right?
• 38:00
  And I, you know, I get it. Like, I was there, right?
• 38:03
  Like, yeah, crying in the bed. Like, why is this happening?
• 38:07
  Like, why is my daughter struggling with this, you know,
• 38:10
  mental health issues when you know, and I always jokingly say,
• 38:14
  like, we were like the perfect all American family, right?
• 38:16
  Like if you picture like the white people, like that's,
• 38:19
  that's who we were. Yeah.
• 38:22
  But so why is this happening? Like it's OK to question like
• 38:27
  what is happening right now, you know, but you have to change
• 38:31
  your perspective, I think a lot of times and say, instead of why
• 38:35
  is this happening to me, right? Changing the perspective and
• 38:38
  asking the question, why is this happening for me?
• 38:40
  Right? Because now all of a sudden your
• 38:42
  perspective has changed. OK, I'm not being punished.
• 38:45
  A child isn't being punished for something, you know, I just, I'm
• 38:50
  not bad luck, You know, it's not a pity party anymore.
• 38:53
  It changed to what can I learn? And I think for me, that was
• 38:56
  kind of like the thing throughout Chloe's journey,
• 38:59
  right? Was, was figuring out, OK, what
• 39:04
  is what is God trying to teach me in this process?
• 39:07
  Right? Hey, tonight, you're not perfect
• 39:10
  and you're never going to be. So just let it go.
• 39:12
  Yeah. Also, how to advocate for
• 39:16
  yourself, right? And like someone who's been in
• 39:17
  medicine for as long as I have, you kind of lose sight like
• 39:21
  because you just you know what I mean?
• 39:24
  Like you're. You're.
• 39:25
  When you have to advocate for your own child, now your, your
• 39:28
  perspective shifts a little bit like, oh, this is what other
• 39:31
  people feel like when they're talking to me, right?
• 39:34
  Like how? And it changes like how you
• 39:37
  approach things and how you approach people.
• 39:40
  And but then ultimately it changed like the whole purpose
• 39:43
  along the way of like, OK, this is really like a whole women's
• 39:48
  problem, right? All women across all aspects of
• 39:53
  lives, mothers, non mothers beat themselves up for this
• 39:58
  unattainable perfectionism that we think we must have.
• 40:01
  And then we also get trapped in our own feelings and our own
• 40:04
  hormones in that midlife part of our lives, right?
• 40:08
  So the goal is is I don't want women to stay stuck there.
• 40:11
  I want women to thrive in this mid part, latter part of their
• 40:16
  years because you are not just a mother, You're not just a wife,
• 40:22
  you're not just a caretaker, right?
• 40:24
  You are you. And you were created for a
• 40:28
  purpose. And I think that that's where we
• 40:30
  have to figure out like, OK, so, you know, often when women say I
• 40:34
  don't even feel like me, OK, well, let's figure out who you
• 40:39
  are now, right? Because you're not the same
• 40:42
  person you were 5/10/20 years ago.
• 40:44
  Exactly. And it's OK.
• 40:46
  Like that's part of life. That's the beauty of life is
• 40:49
  that we change with the different seasons.
• 40:53
  And I think women need to know that it's OK to change, right?
• 40:57
  I mean, if you once love taking, I mean, this is so superficial,
• 41:01
  but if you once love taking really hot baths and now you
• 41:04
  don't like, that's OK, right? Like, I mean, that's, it's part
• 41:07
  of changing. It's the evolution of who we
• 41:09
  become. And that's what life is.
• 41:12
  It's growing and it's learning and it's adapting and it's
• 41:15
  pivoting to whatever life brings you, but not staying stuck in
• 41:20
  the woe is me pity party. When you're stuck and you're
• 41:24
  down here and you're, you know, woe is me.
• 41:27
  You're serving no one. You're not serving yourself,
• 41:29
  you're not serving your family. I mean, you're, it's, it's not
• 41:33
  helpful to anybody. So you have to figure out how to
• 41:36
  put your big girl panties on and then like rise to the next
• 41:40
  level, right? Whatever that level may be.
• 41:43
  Yeah, keep moving forward and, and embrace, you know, embrace
• 41:48
  the possibilities within that because you never know what's
• 41:50
  out there for you. But that you said that all so
• 41:53
  well. One last thing on the
• 41:56
  expectations piece, There's so many even today, as much
• 41:59
  progress as we've made, there's still so many stereotypes and
• 42:04
  stigmas around mental health. What is what is that, that thing
• 42:09
  that you wish people could understand more or that that
• 42:14
  really, because we're it's a still, we're still figuring this
• 42:18
  out and, and what the actual truth is.
• 42:21
  Well, but mental health is becoming more and more
• 42:24
  prevalent, right? Not only among, you know,
• 42:27
  adults, but also especially around children and, you know,
• 42:32
  teens and tweens, right? Like it's becoming a real
• 42:36
  problem and people really have to open your eyes and be a
• 42:39
  little more open minded, right? Just because someone struggles
• 42:42
  with anxiety or depression, it doesn't make them crazy, right?
• 42:46
  Right, yes, and I, yeah, that word crazy.
• 42:51
  You're not crazy, right? There is something now there's
• 42:55
  so many aspects to write like the anxiety, depression pieces,
• 43:00
  right? And that's just what I know now.
• 43:02
  There are some other much more high level diagnosis for mental
• 43:07
  health. There are a little a little bit
• 43:09
  different game changers, right? But you shouldn't be embarrassed
• 43:13
  to say, you know what, I struggled with anxiety, but find
• 43:16
  somebody who can help you find the root cause.
• 43:18
  Like Chloe's stuff was rooted in trauma, right?
• 43:22
  Because she had been sexually assaulted by another peer
• 43:25
  unbeknownst, you know, to us if she carried that burden, right?
• 43:30
  So again, that's root 'cause if I can help her process what
• 43:34
  happened to her, then I can help her adapt later on.
• 43:37
  I can teach her or the counselors can teach her better
• 43:41
  coping skills, right? Because at the end of the day,
• 43:45
  life is going to life every day that we're alive, right?
• 43:50
  As children, as teens, as young adults, as an adult, there's
• 43:54
  always going to be something that life decides to throw at us
• 43:57
  that we have to figure out how to navigate.
• 44:00
  But mental health, because you're struggling with anxiety
• 44:02
  or depression, it doesn't make you crazy.
• 44:05
  It doesn't make you unlovable. It doesn't make you, you know
• 44:09
  that you're a product of maybe you made a poor choice and
• 44:12
  you're not AI mean you are not that poor choice, right?
• 44:16
  Right. Yeah, we have to get over that,
• 44:18
  that we. And there's also not a magic
• 44:21
  fix. I think that's another thing,
• 44:22
  you know? Yeah.
• 44:23
  And people that were close to me would even say, well, why can't
• 44:26
  you just tell her to snap out of it?
• 44:28
  Snap out of it? What do you mean snap out of it?
• 44:32
  Like she's over here wanting to like not be alive.
• 44:36
  Like I don't, I don't know how to like magically make her snap
• 44:38
  out of it. Like that's the most annoying
• 44:41
  thing, right? I think too that people say it's
• 44:42
  like, we'll just get over it. Yeah, that's so unhealthy and so
• 44:47
  not a solution. Right.
• 44:49
  Like you have to offer people time to process things, right?
• 44:56
  I mean, and again, not everything and hers, hers is a
• 45:00
  little bit different. But you know, I see women who
• 45:03
  struggle because they've lost a career or they've lost a spouse
• 45:06
  or whatever, right? It's OK to mourn that.
• 45:13
  But again, I don't want you to stay stuck there.
• 45:15
  Exactly. And both it's important.
• 45:17
  Both. It's important to feel it and
• 45:19
  process it and move through it and move forward.
• 45:22
  Right. But just because you're
• 45:24
  struggling with anxiety in a season or depression in a
• 45:28
  season, if you're not crazy and you don't have to stay in that
• 45:33
  in that world, right? It's not like, oh, well, now
• 45:35
  I've got anxiety, so woe is me and this is how I'm going to
• 45:38
  live the rest of my life. Like, no, we can find help and
• 45:42
  there are people out there that can really help you move
• 45:44
  through. But for this, for someone else,
• 45:49
  that becomes the support system for the person that is
• 45:52
  struggling, you have to be patient.
• 45:56
  This isn't a quick fix. This isn't a snap your fingers
• 45:58
  and you know they're magically going to sing roses and rainbows
• 46:02
  like this doesn't. It's a process and it's a
• 46:05
  journey. But I, like I told used to tell
• 46:08
  Chloe, like I can't do the work for you.
• 46:11
  I can go and advocate for you. I can take you to the places I
• 46:14
  can do these things for you. I can support you, I can love
• 46:16
  you, I can cheer you on. But at the end of the day, you
• 46:20
  have to make the choice that you want to be better, that you
• 46:24
  don't want to live this way. You have to make the and do the
• 46:28
  hard work. So when a counselor says you
• 46:30
  need to do XY and Z, you have to do XY and Z, right?
• 46:36
  Like you have to do the hard work.
• 46:40
  And I, you know, so that's like not the caretaker's
• 46:42
  responsibility to do the work. It's your responsibility to do
• 46:45
  the work. It's the caretaker to play the
• 46:47
  supportive role and to help you and to advocate for you and to
• 46:50
  love you through it. But at the end of the day, it's
• 46:54
  you that has to do the work. Yeah, I didn't think you pointed
• 46:57
  out something so important there.
• 46:58
  As parents, we want to save our kids and rescue our kids from
• 47:02
  all of the hurt, and that's just not possible.
• 47:05
  They're just things that they have to learn to do themselves.
• 47:08
  You can't do this for them. Also another important point I
• 47:11
  think that you've made to that I want to highlight is these
• 47:15
  things are not our identity. And this goes nice.
• 47:17
  They're part of our layers. They're and I and I talk, I talk
• 47:21
  about the embracing layers piece.
• 47:23
  They're part of makeup, who we are in our story, but they're
• 47:25
  not who we are. And so even the language that
• 47:29
  you use around it, I was diagnosed with anxiety a few
• 47:34
  years ago, not really a surprise to the people in my life when
• 47:38
  that finally happened. But I, I don't, it's not my
• 47:42
  identity. It's a part of my layers.
• 47:45
  And so the language I use around it is I, I talk a lot about I'm
• 47:49
  feeling anxious, I'm feeling the anxiety.
• 47:52
  I don't say I am the, you know, the anxiety, it's just a, a part
• 47:57
  and a layer of it. And knowing that I had choices
• 47:59
  within that. I have coping mechanisms, I have
• 48:02
  things, but I had to be willing to do the work.
• 48:05
  I thought I was going to go into therapy for six months and
• 48:07
  everything would be great and that is just not how it goes.
• 48:11
  No, no, it is. I wish it did, but it doesn't.
• 48:14
  You know? I mean, no, but that's just part
• 48:17
  of your story. Exactly.
• 48:19
  And your story could be used someday to help someone else.
• 48:22
  You know, that's what's hopefully all the time, you
• 48:24
  know, like, you know, yes, it happened to you, and I'm sorry
• 48:27
  that it did. But look how far you've come.
• 48:30
  And now think about what you could potentially do for someone
• 48:33
  else. You could potentially give them
• 48:35
  hope, right? And I think that that's an
• 48:38
  important piece. And for anybody who's ever
• 48:41
  struggled with anything, right? Like when you can overcome it
• 48:44
  and then you can help someone else through the journey.
• 48:47
  Now your story has purpose, right?
• 48:50
  Like it's not just, oh, it happened to me.
• 48:52
  Now it's like, OK, it happened to me.
• 48:54
  But this is what I learned. And these are the steps that I
• 48:57
  took to get over it. And maybe they will help you
• 48:59
  too. Yeah, 100 percent, 100%.
• 49:02
  It's what drives what I did. That's how I got started.
• 49:04
  I was like, wait a minute, I've seen too many women go through
• 49:09
  these things and and we got to talk about it.
• 49:12
  And so, yeah, there's so much power in that, on the layers
• 49:15
  piece in in in embracing our layers.
• 49:18
  I for me, I believe it's like you've got to come to a point
• 49:20
  with your layers story where it's at your lens of curiosity
• 49:24
  rather than judgment. You've spoken really well to the
• 49:28
  layers journey without me asking about it throughout this
• 49:31
  conversation. What do you think for you has
• 49:35
  been the most important thing for me, the most important thing
• 49:39
  for was to get curious rather than judgmental about the pieces
• 49:42
  and parts that were hard for me and to address them from a space
• 49:46
  that, you know, given what I knew and what I was modeled and
• 49:51
  the environment I lived in, I can see why I made that
• 49:54
  decision. I wish I hadn't, but I can see
• 49:56
  why I did. I'm no longer going to shame
• 49:58
  myself or feel bad or guilty or what was me about it.
• 50:01
  I'm going to I'm going to address it.
• 50:04
  So that was a big part of me embracing my layers and in
• 50:07
  embracing my layers, I was able to see my full value as a person
• 50:11
  and not identify with any of these one thing sets of layers.
• 50:15
  You've done that really well. Do you have anything that you
• 50:19
  want to share that has helped you in that?
• 50:22
  I think that, but I I see you living this out right in front
• 50:26
  of me. I mean, I just think it's
• 50:28
  important to embrace the different parts of, right, Like
• 50:31
  every layer is another part of your story, right?
• 50:35
  But those pieces of your story, they help you learn how to be
• 50:40
  more authentic, right? And when you're more authentic
• 50:44
  in who you are, then you can show up more real.
• 50:49
  You can deepen the connections that you have with people
• 50:52
  because again, it goes back to you can help someone else who is
• 50:56
  struggling, right? And if that's the mission,
• 50:59
  right, to to help someone else, right to improve their life,
• 51:05
  then showing up authentically and deepening those connections
• 51:10
  becomes front, you know, foremost in in the story,
• 51:14
  because that's what's important. People want authenticity.
• 51:18
  They don't want someone to hide behind something and say, you
• 51:21
  know, well, I mean, it really was rainbows and roses because
• 51:25
  that's not authentic, right? Like you need to be able to
• 51:27
  relate and show the hard, the really sucky times, right?
• 51:34
  And that's OK. And I think that that's what's
• 51:36
  important is being able to show that to people that yes, it was
• 51:41
  hard, but yes, you've also overcome.
• 51:45
  Yeah. And you really just answered the
• 51:47
  next thing, which is in living out feel, finding empowerment,
• 51:50
  embracing layers, the impact that's had on your relationship
• 51:53
  with yourself as well as other people.
• 51:55
  You really kind of already answered that really
• 51:58
  beautifully. Is there anything else you'd
• 52:00
  like to add to that? I mean, it's again, I just, I
• 52:05
  want women to know that you have to let go of that layer of
• 52:08
  perfectionism, right? Because being perfect is not who
• 52:13
  you are, you know, but being honest and saying, you know
• 52:16
  what, yeah, I, I missed that or I didn't do well with that.
• 52:21
  That's OK. And I just think that that
• 52:23
  again, it goes back to authenticity, right?
• 52:26
  When you can acknowledge your own mistakes or your own poor
• 52:31
  choices or that you weren't perfect.
• 52:33
  And you know, social media, I think is like blinded most of us
• 52:37
  because on social media everybody thinks, oh, well, her
• 52:41
  life's perfect. You know, look, she's at the
• 52:43
  beach with her family and it's life is perfect.
• 52:45
  But really, that's not the truth, right?
• 52:47
  It's about removing that mask and saying, no, we have
• 52:52
  stumbled. We have, you know, we've had
• 52:54
  hard times in our marriages, our children have struggled.
• 52:56
  Whatever. So that you can, you can be
• 52:59
  authentic for someone else because that's what people are
• 53:01
  looking for, especially in today's AI world, right?
• 53:04
  You're they're looking for real and authentic people to show up
• 53:08
  and say it's OK, you're not alone.
• 53:12
  Yeah, human. That human connection, so
• 53:14
  important, so vital. Absolutely.
• 53:16
  All right, as we wind down here, share 5 activities that nourish
• 53:21
  you. So I mean, again, I think this
• 53:24
  is very specific to, to each individual, right?
• 53:28
  But for me, it's, you know, when, when again, when I'm with
• 53:32
  my family, you know, especially now that my kids are older.
• 53:36
  So when we get to be the family of five again, it's really about
• 53:39
  being present, right? Playing games, you know,
• 53:44
  whatever it is. Because at the end of the day,
• 53:46
  as a mom, that's what makes me happy, right, Is having my
• 53:48
  children around and being able to be present with them, right?
• 53:53
  Also, it's potentially going outside fresh air, you know,
• 53:57
  taking a, a short walk, right? Taking in the sunshine.
• 54:02
  I mean, there's no sunshine today, but you know what I mean?
• 54:05
  I did mean that sunshine on your skin, right?
• 54:08
  For me, it's the quiet mornings with, you know, where I can
• 54:10
  listen to worship music and that kind of like just sets the tone
• 54:15
  for the day for me. Yeah.
• 54:17
  Exercise is, is is good too. Like and again, I don't mean
• 54:21
  like you have to go do you know, high intensity crazy workouts,
• 54:25
  but like me, it's just some sort of movement, right?
• 54:28
  Because we know that we're exercising a little bit, we're,
• 54:31
  you know, producing endorphins, which changes our mood, right?
• 54:36
  It changes our, our mental game at that point, right?
• 54:41
  Because now we're like, OK, you start to feel better about
• 54:43
  yourself, but and then finding something that that is creative
• 54:48
  or some sort of outlet for you, right?
• 54:51
  You know, you know, I like to write, but you know, like for
• 54:55
  Chloe, her outlet, she loves to do art, right?
• 54:57
  She can paint and do all those things for other people.
• 55:00
  It's just journaling, right? And whatever works for you.
• 55:04
  Some people it's just literally sitting and doing puzzles.
• 55:07
  There's so many things that you can do that just help you kind
• 55:11
  of look inward, right, and focus on you and what refreshes your
• 55:18
  soul so that you can show up and be more present for everyone
• 55:21
  else. Absolutely.
• 55:23
  So good that I, that is the biggest, I think most important
• 55:28
  thing that we can. You know, the so much of my work
• 55:32
  went back to women thinking it was selfish to do that.
• 55:35
  I'm like, actually, that's the that's the joke on society.
• 55:40
  It's actually very counterintuitive because if we
• 55:43
  actually fill our cups, everyone wins.
• 55:47
  I mean, I'm so I. Guess it's only women that think
• 55:49
  that. I know, I know.
• 55:51
  I mean, our husbands don't have a problem going out, hanging out
• 55:53
  with their buds or going hunting or whatever it is they may do
• 55:56
  for themselves. They don't have a problem being
• 55:58
  like, I'm out, you know, I'm going.
• 56:00
  But it's women. It's it's women that say, oh,
• 56:04
  that's so selfish of me to want 15 minutes a day to myself or
• 56:09
  it's selfish of me to want to go out with my girlfriends and
• 56:12
  laugh and not have to have a responsibility for a few
• 56:15
  minutes. Right?
• 56:17
  It's not selfish. No.
• 56:20
  It's not like, and if you you've got to let go of that mentality
• 56:24
  because it's important, right? The other thing is it's like
• 56:27
  we're we're, we're everything for everybody else all the time,
• 56:31
  right? You know, like, I mean, when my
• 56:33
  kids were home, even my husband at this day, it's like, where
• 56:35
  did I put that? I can't find this.
• 56:37
  Where is it? You know it's like you're the
• 56:39
  the Finder for everything, right?
• 56:41
  The keeper of everybody, stuff all.
• 56:42
  The house brain. Yeah, it's like, you know, and
• 56:45
  it's but at the same time it's OK for us to want to be like,
• 56:51
  you know what, I don't, I want to turn that off for a minute.
• 56:53
  I want to just go out and be Jen with my girlfriends and not have
• 56:58
  to be mom and wife and Finder and schedule keeper and taxi
• 57:02
  driver and all of those things. It's OK to say, you know what
• 57:05
  time out. It's not selfish because you
• 57:08
  actually show up better for those that you love when you do
• 57:13
  those things. Yeah, 1000%.
• 57:16
  All right, 5 words on how you want to feel the next six
• 57:19
  months. I mean, again, I, you know,
• 57:22
  empowered, I think beautiful always comes to mind, right,
• 57:27
  Because I think as women, we all want to feel beautiful not only
• 57:30
  for for other people, but for ourselves, right?
• 57:36
  I mean, purpose driven is really kind of how it is, right?
• 57:40
  Like, I mean, I want for me, it's important that my life has
• 57:46
  purpose, right? And that is helping other women
• 57:50
  through the different stages of life, probably growing in my
• 57:57
  faith. I know that's more than one
• 57:58
  word, but like that's important too, right?
• 58:00
  Because that's what keeps me grounded.
• 58:03
  But again, being present, especially in these heavy, you
• 58:08
  know, everybody's got phones and AIS and tech and all this stuff,
• 58:11
  like it's really about putting that stuff down and being
• 58:14
  mindful and being present and intentional with our time.
• 58:18
  Yeah. So good, so good, Jen.
• 58:20
  Tell people where they can find you and follow you.
• 58:23
  And then this will also be on our resources page at
• 58:25
  embracinglayers.com. So I have a website
• 58:28
  calledwarriormomcoach.net, right?
• 58:31
  So there's free resources on there.
• 58:34
  You can find access to my Facebook Warrior Mom group.
• 58:39
  We try to encourage, you know, in there people ask for prayer.
• 58:43
  My book, Warrior Mom Rising is on Amazon and also
• 58:47
  barnesandnoble.com. And then of course, I'm on
• 58:50
  Instagram. It's the handles at Warrior Mom
• 58:54
  under score. Jen, Rob and all of that is
• 58:57
  linked on my website oryourmomcoach.net.
• 59:01
  Perfect. All right, one last thought for
• 59:03
  our listeners today. You're not alone, Like that is
• 59:09
  the biggest thing for women, right?
• 59:11
  You were not alone and you don't have to navigate these hard
• 59:15
  seasons by yourself. You just go fine.
• 59:19
  And to me, like community is important, right?
• 59:23
  Finding your support system 'cause you're everybody else's
• 59:25
  support system. So finding your support system
• 59:29
  and people that pour positivity and light back into your life,
• 59:34
  that's important. Yeah, thank you so much for
• 59:36
  that. So good.
• 59:37
  Thank you so much for your time today.
• 59:39
  I could talk to you for hours. I, I love you have so much
• 59:42
  wisdom, so many great resources, so much insight and women.
• 59:47
  So listen, share this with your friends.
• 59:49
  Take a look at these resources. Know that you're not alone.
• 59:52
  Let's support each other through these things because you are
• 59:55
  valuable. You are worthy and you get to
• 59:59
  choose. Don't ever forget that.
• 1:00:01
  Take good care of yourselves and we'll see you next time here on
• 1:00:04
  the Field podcast. Hello and thank you so much for
• 1:00:08
  being with us today on this episode of the Feel Podcast.
• 1:00:13
  If you would like more information on how you can apply
• 1:00:17
  these talking points that I share with our guests in each
• 1:00:20
  episode to your own life, really utilize this Feel framework, go
• 1:00:26
  to embracinglayers.com, fill out our contact form, and let's set
• 1:00:31
  up a free 30 minute consultation to talk about how you can start
• 1:00:37
  being your most authentic, organic, healthy feel fueled
• 1:00:42
  life. Thanks again for being with us
• 1:00:44
  today. We'll be back to you soon with
• 1:00:46
  another episode here on the Feel Podcast.