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Unteachable Lessons From Chris Williams | S4 EP120 · Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast

• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome back, everybody.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: This is another episode of Round the Kinky Campfire Podcast, and I am your superlative host of them all, the HH Julius Marquis, or just Julius, if you're feeling less fancy.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: I have another great episode for you here on this Thursday.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: And as you know, before we even get started with the episode, we have to do one thing.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: That is, do our ASMR five seconds.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: I'll do it a little off of camera because it is a beverage that is an adult.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_01: And uh the YouTube doesn't like that.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: So we're not monetized and we're not sponsored, but the drink is a um berry monkey treble treble southern drink, fruity drink.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um that is an adult beverage at 9.5.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: Uh hopefully that didn't get us stuck.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm gonna go over here.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: But you can still hear it though.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and we'll start the ASMR five seconds in the counter in uh three, two, one.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, oh, oh, so cold, but yet tasty.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: Not sponsored, but we'd like to be.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so let me get into this episode because it very much hits home for me.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: Because I uh listen to this person's podcast uh pretty regularly, and it is a term, phrase that came up, and uh I believe he coined it himself.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's called Unteachable Lessons from uh Chris Williams.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: He's the host of the Modern Wisdom Pars Wow, wow, that triple has already hit me.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: He is the host of the Modern Wisdom Podcast.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, and he uh said this term in a couple of different podcasts, and I believe he coined it himself.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, and I'll have the links in the description.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: Hopefully, we'll see, of the episode, and hopefully the video will be on Friday, like it's supposed to be, not on a random Tuesday or something.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so hopefully you'll see all that there.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, so he starts, or I'll start.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: He said a um uh quote that I will say now to start this episode.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: Uh all right, here we go.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: We already know the most profound wisdom needed to be known.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: We know what to do, how to live, what's important to us, but we don't seem to believe it until we have had it experienced.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um I don't know about y'all campsters, but it is so true for me.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm definitely one of those I have to touch the hot stove to learn the lesson, uh, maybe like four or five times.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: And uh hopefully after that I finally learned a lesson.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: But there's so many different things that your parents or parental figures probably taught you, older people in general.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: And then when you go through it and you make the mistake, they like to say, I told you so.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: Or sometimes you even do it to yourself.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: Just give yourself an uh I told you so.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: And just want to let you know that uh Julius here is one of those people that has to go through it.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: Uh there's nothing, I believe, there's nothing wrong with it.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: Well, for certain lessons, it's just not possible to learn them just being told about it, or like academically, it's like you have to go through it a few times.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, bounce a check, for example.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: Uh people can tell you that bouncing a check sucks uh and or you know ruin your reputation, but guess what?
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: Until you've experienced it a couple times, you remember to like sign and date it correctly, and then you get it back, it's like, oh, that sucks.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: Son of a bitch.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, I know I learned the lesson better from having done it, even though most of y'all don't know what a bounce a check is now.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: It happens, overdrawing a bank account.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: Hopefully, hopefully everybody knows.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's messed up.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: I hope that people learned a lesson from that.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: And sorry to you that have gone through it as well, but yeah, I've overdrafted a few accounts before and got a fee for that.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, and it's one of those things that you get told, and you know you sign the contract that you're gonna get an overdraft fee if you overdraft your account.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: But I know for me that's one of those things I have to learn multiple multiple multiple times.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: Still happens on a regular basis, even though I haven't even though I've had it happen multiple times, I still haven't learned the lesson, but I'm still learning the lesson as we speak.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: All right, let's get into this.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: Uh unteachable lessons, certain subset of advice that for some reason we all refuse to learn through instruction.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: Very simple um breakdown.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: No matter how arduous or costly or effortful it is going to be for us to find out for ourselves, we prefer that should be in quotes, we prefer, to disregard the mounds of warnings from our elders, songs, literature, historical catastrophes, public scandals, and instead think some version of, yeah, that might be true for them, but not for me.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like all those stupid assholes that speed and like go in the emergency lane.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah, yeah, the road is yours, you son of a bitch.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: Don't think you're gonna get caught.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, who else laughs when they see somebody stupid BMW or uh Mustang asshole that gets pulled over for driving too fast or something, speeding off and yeah, all that stuff.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: I once saw somebody speed off in a left turn lane and a left turn, over corrected, and went up on the um very hilly, hilly, grassy, it was higher elevation, median.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I laughed as I drew by drove by that person, didn't hit anybody else, just got stuck up there.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: Nothing was really wrong, but yeah, just got stuck.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, you're a dummy.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: That's what you get for that.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I told you so.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so we decide to learn, we decide these words in this thing, this article that I pulled up.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: We decide to learn hard lessons the hard way over and over again.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: I don't decide, I would not want to decide that for shit.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's some parts of the mind, uh, people know uh you've got one of them big D's on there.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: Uh hopefully y'all watched a couple episodes, you know what I'm talking about.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: Those things that only certified professionals can be uh diagnosing people as having, and you know, this neurodivergence, that type of thing.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like your brain does things even though you don't want it to.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: I know for me, I don't want to learn the hard way, it's just I don't remember unless I do with these specific lessons.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: Unfortunately, they all seem to be the big things too.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, uh, yeah.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's never insights about how to put up level shelves of or charmingly introduce yourself at a cockpart cocktail party.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: We spend most of our lives learning firsthand the most important lessons that the previous generation already warned us about.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes you're just gonna have to, you know, have a shelf fall off the wall every now and then until you learn that you gotta go that put that screw or nail through the stud to get the shelf to stay, you ain't gonna learn.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: And then especially if you lose something very precious to you that you uh break it because it fell off the wall on that unevenly put shelf.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: That that right there will teach you uh that you need to go ahead and uh put it through the stud.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: Get yourself a stud finder.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um right here.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: Boop boop.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: Stud.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, bad joke.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah, stud finder.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: You're gonna have to go ahead and uh learn that lesson.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: I've yeah, I'm thinking back now, all the shells that fell off the wall because I didn't put them on there correctly.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: But you bet I'd put that nail or screw right through that stud now called wood screws.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, get you so just invest in some wood screws.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so for example, yay, these aren't triggery at all.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: Money won't make you happy happy.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: Uh please test me.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: I know like all the rich people say, like, oh, money won't make you happy.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: Well, guess what?
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna say now that is an unteachable lesson that I'm gonna have to teach myself at some point in time.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_01: Because, yeah, I'd rather have too much money.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_01: No, see, this is like a poor person saying this right now.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: I'd rather get tested.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: Just test me.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: Give me winning the lottery.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: I know there's a lot of people that uh have issues, let's just say that, with uh winning a lottery.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and it's been documented and literally documented and documented.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: There's been documentary documentaries on it, and also it's been documented, as in researched, that people that win the lottery are not necessarily happy, but dear goodness gracious almighty, that whoever's up there just test me.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: I will just say that now.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: I will gladly be tested.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: Oh man.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: Fame won't fix your self-worth.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: I think we all have an idea with that.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: Uh at least that those of I mean some of us just have to strive to be famous, and then you ain't gonna learn until you get there.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_01: Goodness, that is not mine, but it might be one of yours.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: You don't love that pretty girl.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: She's just hot and difficult to get.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yep, hard to get is easy.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_01: Man, people want what they can't have.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: That's uh one of those things that they like to tell you.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: Mmm, fruity.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: Uh let's see here.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: Nothing is as important as you think it is when you're thinking about it.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so the grass is greener on the other side, type deal.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: Is that what they're trying to say there?
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: You will agree you will regret working too much.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, I know I've never been one of those people that uh lives to work, works to live, whatever you want to say about that.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: And um, fame and money has never been a priority of mine.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_01: That's probably why I say test me, because uh, I don't know for myself.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: But uh yeah, working too much.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_01: I definitely don't have that uh myself, but maybe some of y'all do.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: It's like um you miss out on life.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_01: So what do they say?
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: Uh they made movies about this where you just like speed through life trying to get the that American dream and then you end up working too much.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, one of those things I don't know about myself.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: But we'll see.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: Worrying is not improving your performance.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, if you're sitting there not working on your thing, then you're not getting any better.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: All your fears are a waste of time.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yet again, you can sit there and be scared of different things, but until you try, you just won't know.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, let's see.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: You should see your parents more.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um, if they're both still alive, then yeah, definitely.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, or at least one of them if they are.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: Take time to do that.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_01: I guess.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, you'll be fine after the breakup, and we'll be grateful you did it.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so that one I definitely know about.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um you'll be fine after the breakup.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: Uh sometimes breaking up is is good.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: Breakup wine.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, and yeah, you know what?
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_01: It it sucks, but you still gotta try.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: In general, I will say that most people want to be in a relationship and also be um emotionally attached to uh somebody else, and sometimes those things end, hopefully it was neutrally and uh not finite, as a um they're still here on the mortal plane, and it's uh kind of rough, but as somebody that's been broken up with and broken up broken did the breaking up, that uh it sucks sometimes, you know.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: It it's a thing that happens, and we have to go through it, and um you will learn something.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: I uh I pray that you do.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I know I learned a lot from multiple breakups, uh, but it does suck every single time, and uh pick yourself up and try again.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's also horrible.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: I know for me, I did research, and I've got a bunch of other game plans and theories that I need to work out uh for myself, and I know about the habits that are bad for being in a relationship, so I will actually work on those, and I have plans beyond plans because that's what I am uh a nerd, and uh I know for me I am a poly person, but relationships do not come easy, they do take work.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_01: If y'all are the first time you're ever hearing a podcast with me in it like this, then okay, I'll just get long story short, I am one of those people that 100% believes on working on relationship and intentionality, and I put that into practice all the time.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so yeah, breakup sucks, but learn from them.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's perfectly okay to cut toxic people out of your life.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, those develop those boundaries and uh keep those um ill-willed people out of your life.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_01: That is one of the things you gotta do.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_01: If you don't have a needs-wants list and um know your boundaries and um work on reinforcing them, then I feel sorry for you.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_01: We we yeah, we gotta we gotta we gotta work on that kind of stuff.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_01: Oh boy.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, even reading this list back, I'm rolling my eyes on how fucking trite it is.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so yeah, he definitely wrote this list.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: Uh he me and Chris.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_01: Um, love is an action.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, we like to talk about communication skills here on the Rally Kinky campfire.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_01: And being in love is not just the thing that happens, you actually have to work at it, okay?
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_01: You have to develop good habits and show how you are there for your partner and or partners and show that you are in love with them and um make those an actionable thing.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um, having to experience things, uh so yes, there's times when you just have to go out and try new things.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, uh I don't know, going to the theme park, right in a roller coaster.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_01: People can tell you how it is, but you're not gonna know until you actually get on that joker.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um, also, uh okay, hot topic.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_01: The pickup artist uh community is looked down upon, but I would argue for myself that I'm neither for or against it, but they have good points in the fact that they actually talk about skills and they do coaching for people that need to work on those communication skills or pickup skills, whatever.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I would argue that all that stuff is permanent, especially you're never taught that, like myself.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, almost dropped my phone.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_01: Like myself, okay, that is something I had to actually practice and continue to have to be practicing.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: So I would argue that the PUAs are at least good for that.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_01: And also, once again, rejection tolerance, rejection is a thing, it sucks balls, but guess what?
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_01: You're gonna have to go through it.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_01: You if you are a person that's been alive, I would argue at some point you're gonna get rejected.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_01: It's gonna happen.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_01: And guess what?
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_01: If you manage to live to an old age, you'll get rejected millions upon millions of times.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_01: I would bet money on that fact.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's gonna suck no matter what you do.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't even have to be about relationships, could be about jobs and friends and social events, all the other stuff that is supposed to be relaxing.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_01: You still can get rejected in some way.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: Ugh happens.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_01: It happens, and guess what?
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_01: We gotta build up that tolerance.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_01: The only other way through it is to do it.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_01: All these little idioms and like little sayings that are going on in this whole entire topic today.
• 17:03
  unknown: Ah, yummy.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_01: So those are some examples.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_01: Uh and he goes on to say, these are all basic bitch, obvious insights that everybody has heard before.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I would argue some people haven't heard all of that before, most of the things maybe.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_01: Uh the question is, why does everyone so reliably fell fall prey to them throughout their lives?
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: That is the real question.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_01: Because we weren't taught as younger kids that you're gonna have to go through this shit.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody likes to tell you, uh, do this and do this, and just do what I say, not as I do.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: And there's another one.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, yeah, stove hot, but Julius still touched stove because I need to I need to learn.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_01: I need it to feel it in my body that being burned sucks.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes I'm just gonna keep going through it.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like with the relationship, that's 100% a thing.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_01: Also, try new things like a podcast.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_01: Don't know what I'm doing exactly.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_01: I have I have theories and practices in mind, but I don't know what I'm doing, otherwise, I'd be successful from day one.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_01: But guess what?
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna still keep trying.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_01: Somebody's listening, I see the numbers, somebody's listening, one person's listening, I'm gonna keep going, so that's all I'm worried about.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_01: Uh also, if they're so obvious, why do people who have recently become famous or wealthy or lost a parent or gone through a breakup start to proclaim these facts when the renewed with the renewed grandiose ceremony of someone who's just gone through religious revelation?
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there's a lot of people that talk about breakups in relationships, um, especially after you've gone through it.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_01: And sound like is make it sound like it's some profound new information.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh yeah, millions of people have gone through this.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_01: But I know for me, I was again not taught this stuff growing up, so it does seem like new once I've gone through it.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_01: So, I mean, he talks about it on his own podcast, so that's kind of um self-deprecating a little bit and um inside jokey.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, we all go through this.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_01: The reason why I talk about it is because I feel like I have a particular experience, yada yada yada yakity schmackity, but somebody has not heard this information before.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll say it again even if one person learns something or tries to do something or steps out of their comfort zone, I feel like I've done a good job.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um, that's all that really matters.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_01: All I need is one.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_01: That's it.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, it sounds grandiose, but somebody hasn't heard this before, which is crazy.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: We refuse to hear the message from those warning us about them.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: Even more than that, for every one of those, I think a bit deeper I can recall.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_01: He can recall it where I convince myself that I'm the exception to the rules.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_01: Uh everybody thinks they're an exception.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_01: The world revolves around you.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: Which is what everybody thinks.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_01: No, I'm the only one that's ever been broken up with in this particular way at this particular time on this particular day, on this particular climate change.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_01: Probably not, buddy.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_01: And buddy is for every gender.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_01: I don't specify either one.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_01: Somebody has been broken up before, somebody has tried something new and had it fail on them.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um, let's not vilify the bar scene, online apps, dating apps, this particular community or whatever.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_01: It's like somebody has a similar experience than you.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_01: You're not the only one going through this shit.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of people are unique, okay?
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, on that particular everything, it's a particular day, particular day of week, particular weather, particular breakup with that particular person.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, you are unique.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_01: Everything else, somebody has gone through something similar, okay?
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_01: So let's take those lessons.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, try again.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_01: You're you're gonna fail again.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's gonna happen.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_01: You'll be guess what?
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_01: You'll survive.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, you will survive.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_01: I know it feels physically painful.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_01: You need a there, there, buddy.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_01: Is this what you need?
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_01: Uh there, there.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, you'll be okay.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: I'll give you a head pad virtually from here.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_01: It sucks.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_01: Alright?
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not just talking to you, I'm also talking to myself.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_01: Because I still feel that sometimes too.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, why?
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_01: Why do I keep touching the hot stove?
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: Because again, help my fucking self.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_01: That's why.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_01: Okay?
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_01: It sucks.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_01: Alright?
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_01: It sucks.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_01: But guess what?
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_01: I'm still gonna date.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_01: That's you know, not gonna stop me from dating.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's still gonna happen.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_01: I'm still gonna send the messages, the like, the ping, the swipe right, whatever it is.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_01: And it's you know, failure is gonna happen again.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_01: You will get ghosted, ignored, and it's just outright just been like, you know what, I don't feel romantically tied to you.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_01: It happens.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's all there is to it.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: And keep on going.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_01: You will survive, camster.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_01: Uh let's stop the inner dialogue.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_01: That stupid voice in the back of your mind that will say once again, I told you so.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_01: You say it to yourself, and your family likes to tell you to it either.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_01: Gross.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_01: Anyways, uh, common sense is not common practice.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_01: What's good for your happiness is often common sense, yet we struggle to act on it.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_01: That is from uh Stephen Covey.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_01: Uh who also says, be grateful, be generous, and think less about what you can get and more about what you can give.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah, that's uh one of those things.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, gratitude.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_01: Once you know, gratitude, I believe I said it before.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta show gratitude for yourself.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_01: At least you're trying to think.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you, body, for at least going to the event and making it out of the car and out of the parking lot and into the establishment.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you very much for at least, you know, making it a thing on my calendar that I wanted to go to this event or thing, or improv for me, make it out to the um class after many, many years of trying to put it off.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_01: Uh goodness.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_01: Rough, rough times.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_01: Rumination again.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: It's a great podcast.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_01: Very self-reflecting.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so the real question Do we really do we truly learn anything without experience?
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_01: That is the thesis for today's episode.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: Can you learn anything without experiencing for yourself?
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it even comes to like standard school use subjects, math, science, English, all that stuff.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: If we didn't actually try to put the math problem, if we didn't do 2 plus 2 equals 4 and put that on there, do we actually know it's a thing until we get that grade on that paper?
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_01: I ask you, as I look off wonderingly, it's very interesting how that works out.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_01: It's like I got graded for homework assignments when I was in school, but I definitely wouldn't have done it without that myself.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_01: And then also it's like until I got that check mark that says I did correct, did I know I was doing correct on that math history biology homework?
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_01: And it kind of sucks too, because as an adult with a lot of these uh skills, um, let's just, you know, because one of my favorite things to talk about is social skills.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_01: How do you know it's working?
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, you get in a relationship, but But what is a quote unquote good relationship?
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_01: How do you know your communication skills are getting better?
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_01: Because you make more friends?
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_01: Are they good friends?
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_01: I will ask you that.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_01: Do you know?
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_01: Did that relationship with your parental figure or family figure get better because you learn how to be more vulnerable and and uh open up a little bit more?
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_01: How do you know?
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_01: That's where the introspection comes in.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um but back to this particular topic.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_01: Uh experience includes emotions.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_01: While reading is just logical thinking?
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_01: Question mark?
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_01: Is that how it is?
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_01: Uh neuroscience says concepts are stored in the prefrontal cortex, getting a little nerdy here.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_01: While this part of the brain enables logical reasoning and decision making, decision making, it is influenced by deeper, more emotional regions, such such as the amygdala, hippocampus, and basal ganglia.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_01: I said big words there.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not going to dwell too much on the neuroscience part because uh I don't know if everybody's super nerdy on this podcast, but you can definitely look up all the different parts of the brain and where all this stuff is located.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_01: Uh let's see.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_01: More neuroscience, neurons that fire together, wire together.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_01: Merely hearing about a lesson doesn't build strong neural pathways, but experiencing it does.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_01: So from a neuroscience standpoint, the neural pathways are stronger when you experience it, I would argue.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_01: Because it's based in emotion, it roots itself in there more.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_01: We might know something conceptually, but ingrained mental frameworks in our brains are stronger.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_01: So we don't truly understand until we live it.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_01: 100% on that side of the bandwagon, you got to go try the shit for it to stick.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_01: I know for me, I remember the more emotional parts of my life more than I do the educational parts.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_01: Um This is the reason why I chose this topic because I know I am one of 100% of those peoples.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_01: I gotta try it before I can know it.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_01: It's just uh how I'm built.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not even gonna argue about it again.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I might actually get through all these notes before my time runs out, even though I only got a few minutes.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's see.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_01: What can we do about it?
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_01: How about take a stance?
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah, multiple ways.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_01: Uh random.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_01: Quit your job, go through the breakup.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I can hit this with my hand.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_01: Go to the other side of fear, even though it's uncomfortable.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_01: Try getting comfortable with being uncomfortable.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yep, 100%.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_01: It says it's right here on this on my notes that I've copied over from Chris's uh paper.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um move to a different country, start start before you feel ready.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you need a push.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_01: If you know what the right thing is, take the chance.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_01: All these different things.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_01: Oh boy.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: But uh, Julius, I want to stay where I'm comfortable and not try anything, because you know, rejection sucks and uncomfortable sucks, and yeah, all those different kinds of things.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, uh, I'm right there with you, camsters.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_01: All that stuff sucks, but uh would we ever improve if we didn't try shit and fail and learn from that shit?
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_01: I the answer is no.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not even gonna get it all confucius on there.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_01: The answer is no, okay?
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_01: Uh alright.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_01: Also, we could fall into a trap on purpose.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_01: Proceed to fail.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_01: I put that in there.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_01: Reach fame or money and see that it doesn't fix you?
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_01: Ooh, test me.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_01: Test me.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_01: Take a high status job only to see it makes you miserable.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_01: Ooh, these are hot button stuff.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_01: Buy expensive stuff you always wanted and then pay for it later.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_01: Overwork and get burnt out for every one of these.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_01: Uh Chris said he I convinced myself that I was the exception to the rule.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_01: We give these advice to others, but we still fall prey to alluring content.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_01: That's what Julius is doing right now.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_01: I will fall prey.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_01: So I don't want to ever make it seem like I'm holier than thou, yada yada, yakkity schmackity.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_01: But I will say, once again, I'm still gonna keep trying, and I'll fail with the rest of y'all.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I'm not above anything here on any of these, any of these episodes that I'm talking about.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_01: I once again I'm giving my experience to y'all, not because I want to be right or that I even think that I'm right.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just stating facts for the most part, and then the other part's my opinion and experiences.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to listen to me.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for being in the episode for this long, but yeah.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yummy.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_01: I I don't care if you listen to me or believe believe what I'm saying or agree with me.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_01: Do the goddamn research yourself.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_01: Click on the link in the description and read this article for yourself.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_01: You might come up with a whole different set of rules and practices.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_01: Sure, go ahead and try that shit.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_01: Let me know in the social medias.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_01: Instagram and um Twitter and uh the Yahoos, all that shit.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_01: Let me know.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_01: But for now, let me finish this episode real quick.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_01: Alright.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_01: Be patient.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_01: Uh some lessons require time and patience.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, good.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_01: Some lessons are learned through regret.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_01: Other lessons become clear when their uh allure fades and priority shift.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_01: Most lessons reveal themselves with time.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_01: I will say that 100% I agree with all of this.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_01: This is very true.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my goodness gracious.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_01: So crazy.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_01: Almost like I've gone through this myself.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_01: But we'd rather learn sooner than later.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's dumb, folks.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_01: Don't do that.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_01: Don't try to rush this stuff.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_01: I'm fully aware that change takes years.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, I have no problem.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_01: It's like everybody complains, oh, it's gonna take so long.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_01: Let me know the quickest route to the thing, the end of the thing.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_01: No, some of this shit is gonna take maybe even a decade to learn.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_01: Where are you going?
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_01: Are you not trying to improve your life?
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_01: I'm getting a little rant here for the last couple minutes.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_01: So stupid to try to rush shit.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like you're trying to change yourself, right?
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_01: And your life.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_01: So why would you think it's gonna happen within a few weeks, few months, whatever?
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_01: If it had takes me 10 years to learn how to be a socially not awkward person, I'm totally fine with that.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_01: If I never get good or become an expert at podcasting, I'm totally fucking fine with that.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_01: Because I am having a good old time drinking my sour, cold adult drink that's not sponsored, and making these episodes for you, camsters.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_01: I don't give a fuck about being famous or having money.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_01: Test me.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_01: I can't I say convincingly to myself, whether I believe it or not, is for you to decide.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_01: I don't care whether you agree with me or not, but you can figure that out on your own, have your own goddamn opinion.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_01: But why are we trying to rush this process?
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's so stupid.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_01: There's no reason to rush the shit.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_01: It happens when it happens.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_01: But either way, I know for me, even if I got quote unquote good at something, I'm gonna keep doing it.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_01: If it's fun, why do you why do I keep fucking, even though sometimes I end quick?
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_01: Because it's fun.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_01: And hopefully I find a partner that enjoys it just as much as I do, and I keep fucking them.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I'm saying?
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_01: I hope you know what I'm saying.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think most of y'all are virgins, so you probably know what I'm saying.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_01: Okay?
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_01: That's just how it is.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_01: Alright.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_01: So, that's all for now, campsters.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_01: I got a little I got look at my voice got a little high there because I'm very um heated by the whole entire thing of people trying to rush shit.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_01: Fucking try all the shit.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_01: Try all the shit.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_01: Where are you going?
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_01: Are you ending soon?
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_01: Tomorrow or something?
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_01: Try all of it.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_01: Stop rushing through shit.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_01: You're trying to change your life and you expect it to happen tomorrow?
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_01: That's not how the shit works.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_01: I told you so.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_01: Alright.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_01: And that's it for now.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_01: This is Around the Kinky Campfire Podcast.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_01: This is your host, superfluous, superfluous, and camera cut off again.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_01: But alright, we're gonna.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_01: This is your host, the Not Superior, H H Julius Marquise, or just Julius.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_01: Please catch another episode of Around the Kinky Campfire on Noon Eastern on Thursdays for the audio, and the video will hopefully be on Fridays after the day after that.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, that's all for now.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_01: Catch us next time.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_01: Hello.