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99. Organized Chaos: Turning Chaotic Emotions into Organized Conversations · The Leader in You

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: Experience work interactions in a different and refreshing light.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: This is the Leader in You podcast brought to you by EMC Leaders, taking care of the teams you care about.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_01: We bring the signs of attachment and emotional connection with insight from the last 20 years to share how you can overcome conflict issues at work and build strong team relationships as well as the connected culture.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Hi everyone and welcome back to the Leader in You podcast brought to you by EMC Leaders.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so excited to be here.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Paulina, and I co-host this podcast with the amazing Dr.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Lola Gershwan.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome, Dr.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Lola.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, Paulina.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's so nice to be here with you.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: And hello, everyone.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: I'm excited to talk about our topic today.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, so we are on episode 99, which is a phenomenal accomplishment.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: We're just one episode away from a hundred, just such a big celebration.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I am so grateful to be part of this journey.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, we have just received so much great feedback from people who have learned so many things from this podcast, who have felt like they're not alone, who feel also like they have hope, you know, to be able to resolve issues with their work uh relationships, within their work relationships and outside of their work relationships.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: So we are excited to be here to be recording the 99th episode of the Leader in You podcast.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: So we thank you very much to our loyal followers and listeners.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: And if you watch us on YouTube, thank you very much for all of your support.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's such an important point.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: I actually like to listen to our podcast as well.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, it's a nice reminder to show people that you don't have to be stuck, you can get out of creating more a thriving environment in your workplace and where you can continue to grow and evolve and really create connected relationships, and that is the point of this podcast, which actually brings us to today's topic, which I'm so excited to discuss.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: So, what are we actually doing with the EMC process and how did it even start?
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: So, for those of you who have been listening and following along for a while, you know that Dr.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Lola created an entire series of incredible materials and tools to help you reconnect at work.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: And one of those tools that we so very often talk about is the EMC Reconnection Forum.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: And that form has been a game changer in so many different workplace situations.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: We're not even touching like the personal ways the EMC form has helped me and many, many others.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: So, we're gonna actually take this opportunity to dive into understanding a little bit more of the science.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: And how did Dr.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: Loli even come up with this form?
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: And why exactly what the title is of this podcast is why do we want to organize chaotic emotions?
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I say chaos not in a negative way, but to really understand that emotions are big, they're fast, they're powerful, and oftentimes we really struggle to identify what is actually going on with us in order to effectively communicate our feelings, fears, and needs.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: And today, Dr.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: Lola is going to share with us, which I'm so excited about, um, and understanding what is the importance of organizing those emotions and using the form effectively to communicate our feelings.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: So, Dr.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: Lola, tell us how did it all start?
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: Where did you even come up with the idea of making a reconnection form?
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: Well, the first idea came to me is when I was doing a session for this particular group of people, and um I wrote all my comments that I'm supposed to make and all my steps that I'm supposed to follow to help them to repair the relationship.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: There was a really uh stressful situation going on, and I remember this executive walks in, and the first thing he tells me is like, I don't know why I'm here, and I don't really want to waste my time.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: And in that moment, when I looked at my paper, I did I couldn't read anything from my paper.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: I got so overwhelmed and stressed, and I thought to myself, wow, that's interesting because I wrote everything down, and how would I follow it and and um know what to do next if I don't know what I'm reading and if I get overwhelmed myself.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: And so I remember in that moment I started to think to myself, what can I do to help myself to know what the next steps should be?
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: And uh the only thing I remember from that particular uh session is I kept looking at the guys' you know eyes and I keep saying it, I hear you, I hear you.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: That's really difficult.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: I hear you, right?
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: But I couldn't really uh remember the steps in the process, what to do next and what to have it.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: So that was one situation where I wrote everything out, but I I couldn't really read because I wanted to make eye contact with the person who was very upset, and I I didn't want to take a moment to read what's happening in the paper, so that really created a need to create some kind of a form.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: That was the first aha moment for me.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: That's amazing.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's actually amazing.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: I had no idea about that story, so so it's so good.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: I do think that you know, part of this process is being present, right?
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: This is a present-based process.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, it is formed around the attachment theory, but it's important to stay present and recognize the way that we're feeling in the moment that we're discussing the issue.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: So, one of the things that I think that we don't typically repeat on our podcast is that you can have a past experience, you can have a conflict that you're struggling with that maybe happened six months ago or three months ago or a month ago, or maybe even five years ago.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: And that conflict, if we didn't create space to communicate the feelings that we had during the time that the incident occurred, it will still weigh very heavy on you.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: And we kind of feel like this is the understanding of that phrase, you know, the weight of carrying your emotions, or like feeling like a weight was lifted when you communicate about your feelings.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's because it is, it's very heavy to hold on to the experience that you had and the emotions that you felt at that time, even if it was long ago.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: And when those conversations come up, even people say, like, it's fine, just get over it, move on, move past it.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's not actually possible for us to move on and move past a situation.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: We have always, even whatever how long ago it is, it holds on, it's in ourselves, it holds as a big weight on our shoulders.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: So it's such a great, like it's such a great understanding of where this form even started, is because we can feel what's happening right now when we start communicating an issue, even though it's from the past, but we get to really understand at the present moment how it's affecting us.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: The second step where is was another session I was doing, and I was asking the person how did they feel?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: And they keep saying, Well, I felt frustrated.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, Well, what else did you feel?
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: I felt frustrated, and okay, did you feel uh scared or worried?
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: Well, yes, I felt scared and worried, but I also felt frustrated, so it felt to me that I needed to come up with a list of uh emotions where people can pick from the list instead of guessing.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I and I and I felt like this person felt incompetent because they couldn't really identify what they were feeling.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: So I created the list of emotions then, you know, uh, once we identify the surface and softer and um primary emotions, just like you you just said, that it becomes so much more relieving for us to know what is happening for us.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: And actually, that's really interesting because the language of communicating your emotions is just not common, right?
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's not like from the beginning, from when you're born, we talk about how to express yourselves, is because they go over like the basic emotions.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: They go over sadness, happiness, you know, scared, disappointed.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: They don't really dive deep into all these different layers of emotions.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: And we have these three different layers.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: We have our our surface emotions, we have our softer emotions, we have our primary emotions, right?
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: Secondary emotions, right?
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: All of those layers of emotions.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, amazing.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: So when we are able to really go down deeper on all of those levels, then we can get clear identification of what happened to us in that moment.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: And emotions, like I said earlier, are big.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: There can be overwhelming.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: And just like that person was saying, I'm frustrated.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like people are limited to those very limited emotions.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: The one word frustrated, but frustration can also include being annoyed, being irritated, being shut down, you know, all those things that that you know, Dr.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: Lilla has listed in in box three of the form.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: So so those are two.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: Were there any other things that really kind of motivated you to okay?
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, just here.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_01: So the fourth uh part is the list of raw spots.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember uh learning from Sue Johnson, she was talking about when we get triggered and when we get disconnected, we get disconnected because in that particular situation, it touched our sensitivity, somehow gave us a message that we're not valued or we are rejected, or somehow this person is disappointed in us.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: So that is very difficult for us to process.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: And if we have had um relationships in the past that were not very secure, and maybe with our parents or with our siblings, and maybe in our personal relationships, we become um a little bit more sensitive to these triggers.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes that message that comes across, not because the person sends that message, but because that comes, that's how we interpret it, that's how we translate it so some somehow.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: So I thought to myself, well, I need to find these Rostpads, I need to identify what are the common Rostpots that happen in relationships.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: So I did a little bit of research and I uh came up with this 16 Rost.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I love this section of the form because I feel like I grew up in a society thinking like, you know, being sensitive is definitely a negative thing.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm certain that 99.9% of the people in this world have heard the phrase, you're so sensitive, you know, because it's something very common to say, and being sensitive equals, you know, you're a weak, you're not, you know, you're emotional, um, you know, oh, you're so sensitive.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so it could be very, very demeaning and kind of in viewed in a way that's a negative thing.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I really like this part of the form because it's validating and normalizing that everyone is sensitive to some sensitivities.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's you maybe are not sensitive, someone turns away from you, but they're but you can be sensitive to not being valued, you can be sensitive to being excluded or rejected.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's like all of these sensitivities are very, very common.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: And as long as you are a human that can breathe and live in this world, you have a sensitivity.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_01: And what we find actually that the common sensitivities are number two, obviously not being valued, number one, being rejected or excluded.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_01: Very, very common sensitivities that come up in the workplace.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: And number five, someone turns away from you.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: So uh once you start to recognize what what triggers you and then what sensitivities it hits you, uh, you start to learn more about yourself, and it's actually very uh insightful and revealing to understand what is happening for you.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's amazing.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: Well, any other thing?
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes, okay, amazing.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: Good hearing, keep going.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: I love this.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_01: So as as I was uh working with teams and boards at that moment, I remember um really helping them to identify what do they do in the moment when they get triggered?
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_01: Like what's some of the um what's some of the behaviors they they exhibit?
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_01: And um in that moment, I I remember those during that time, my husband Jack was getting his uh uh master's degree in psychology and also going through uh learning the emotionally focused therapy.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_01: And in that approach, the attachment, if they use the attachment framework, they recognize and understand the difference between the negative cycles when people actually use their protective behaviors such as complain or blame, judge, withdraw, criticize, demand, all of these protective behaviors actually create a negative cycle.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_01: So if they if they use the protection, it will trigger the other person.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_01: And when the other person is triggered, they use the protection, which will again trigger the first person.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_01: So, in a way that I had to figure out how to identify that in the form uh when people actually use those behaviors.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: So that was um the beginning of the infinity loop, or I identifying the infinity loop, how people actually get triggered, and also identifying the automatic thoughts and protective behaviors, and that is the steps uh in a negative cycle.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: That is so incredible.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: I think that we haven't really actually discussed much about the infinity loop because I think you know it's identifying what the cycle is.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: I remember when I first started learning about this process, and I was trying to, this is before my divorce, I was trying to call out the cycle, I think is the name that was used when we were learning this.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: It was on a whiteboard, you know, and the lady who was teaching me this process, she was kind of writing it down in like a circle what is happening in the negative cycle between my relationship.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: And so that was the first time I introduced like to the concept of identifying the pattern.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: What is the pattern that is happening?
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because patterns are so consistent.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: You are consistently inconsistent with your emotions.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: So, like if you have a pattern, you can have a consistent pattern of what you're being triggered by, but then you can maybe respond to those triggers in different ways, you know, and those are the automatic protective thoughts and behaviors that occur.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: So tell us a little bit about the infinity loop and how you came up with that.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_01: Well, um, the infinity loop was actually created by Wooly, his name is Wooly, and the EFT cycle working within and between.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_01: So it was it was done a little bit differently how I do it, because I specifically identify the trigger, the raw spots, emotions, automatic thoughts, and protective behaviors, which triggers person B.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_01: Trigger, raw spots, you know, emotions, uh, automatic thoughts and protective behaviors.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: So this infinity loops continues to evolve and continues to get people stuck in these perpetual negative conversations.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, I like uh what Susan Johnson calls them, she calls them demon dialogues.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_01: Why are they demon?
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_01: Because they they they continue to create those little demons that continue to rupture the relationship.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_01: So there are definitely three types of patterns that can happen.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_01: We have a withdraw pursue pattern, like one person pursues in their behavior uh when they get triggered, and the other person withdraws in their behavior when they get triggered.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: So that's a pursue-withdraw pattern.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: Then we have pursue-pursue pattern, which is both people are basically pursuing and they're fighting each other.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_01: You know, they are on the dance floor as we speak as we um refer to that, and then they're just fighting, they're attacking each other, they are defending, but they're basically engaging.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, and then there's a withdrawal-withdraw pattern where both people are off the dance floor and they are just like they don't want to engage because they're just don't know what's going to happen if they engage.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_01: So the form actually creates that clear understanding when you get triggered, it hits your Rothspot, you have emotions, you have automatic thoughts, and then you have protective behavior.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_01: Boom, you're in a negative cycle, and it's perpetual, continuous, it's an infinity loop.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_01: You cannot get out of it if you don't have the way to you know have an exit.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: So, what does it look like when we use the EM preamc form, the reconnection form?
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: How and what part of the infinity loop are you breaking the cycle?
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_01: Well, we break the cycle when we number one, when we slow down emotions, because the negative cycle only touches the surface emotions.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we get triggered, we have the raw spot, boom, we feel surface emotions, we have automatic thoughts and protective behavior.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_01: One, two, three, four, five, right?
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_01: Boom.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we break the cycle once we slow down the emotions where we go, softer emotions, primary emotions, then we um create an image of those emotions, then we do bodily sensation, and then we do the fears.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_01: So that part is very important.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_01: So we slow down the emotions, and it gives us a sense also, instead of going to automatic thoughts protective behavior, we now recognize what do we need to feel safe and connected, and that takes us to the positive cycle.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: So we're actually going through a same cycle, right?
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: The infinity loop of the negative cycle actually stays the same.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: But what happens is because what you're saying is because we have the awareness and we're slowing down the cycle, and we can identify how we are have our protective thoughts and behaviors, then we are able to change how we reconnect.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: Is that what you're saying?
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_01: Well, the positive cycle has a uh, even though it's an infinity loop, uh, it does have a little bit different steps, right?
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: Because a positive cycle, the first thing is you're able to slow down and tune into your own experience.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, that's step one in the positive cycle.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_01: You are then you are able to share your experience.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_01: And what are you sharing?
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_01: You're sharing your triggers, you're sharing your raw spots, and you're sharing your emotions.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_01: So that's very important.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_01: The next three steps are part of the other person.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_01: So, first person A, as I'm I'm person A, I'm able to tune, understand what's happening with me, and I'm able to share it to you without blaming, judging, criticizing, really from a place of vulnerability.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_01: But then it's up to you to help me with that positive cycle.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_01: When you accept, you validate, and you reassure, then we create a positive cycle.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_01: So, one person, yes, you can do one person.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, if you want to process your emotions, it's fantastic.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: But really, to create a connection and create and create a repair, you need the other person, right?
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_01: With you in that conversation.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_01: So I forgot one step is the need, right?
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_01: We recognize what is it that we need.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_01: So we tune into our emotions, we share our vulnerability and our need, the other person accepts, validates, and reassures, and now we have a positive cycle.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so I think I think what I'm trying to get at is what I see with a negative cycle is that when we have a conflict and we experience the same pattern that we typically use in responding to a conflict, okay, that typically gets us into a stuck place.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: We go through getting triggered, the raw spots get hit, we feel the emotions, we have our automatic thoughts, and we have our protective behaviors.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: So that happens no matter what, positive cycle or a negative cycle.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: But in a negative cycle, what happens is we end up getting stuck because we ineffectively communicate our feelings, our fears, our needs, which typically come out in blame, shame, criticism, or judgment, which is very, very, very common.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone does it, it's normal.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's because you don't know how to communicate effectively and you don't have the tools, which is okay because that's what we're here for.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: So a negative cycle goes through the same exact steps as a positive cycle.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: But the difference is the outcome of a negative cycle is that you are stuck.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: And the outcome of a negative cycle, most of the time, one person feels blamed, and one person is at fault, and it actually moves you away, further away from the workplace relationship, the relationships that you have at work.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: In a positive cycle, one of the things, the biggest thing that Dr.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: Lola was saying was that we missed in a positive cycle is asking for what we need and being able to respond to someone's emotional needs.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_00: So we go through the same steps, steps one through five, where we get triggered, we have raw spots, we have emotions, we have automatic thoughts and automatic protective behaviors.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: We don't actually are not able to slow things down, like Dr.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: Lewis said, and identify what's going on with us.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: And we're not actually able to get the response that we need validation and understanding that we look for in order to become closer together.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: So a negative cycle moves you further away from someone in a relationship, and someone, and then then you feel either blamed or shamed, criticized, or judged.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: And in a positive cycle, it moves you closer in the relationship where you may experience the exact same patterns, but you are able to slow the patterns down, identify them, clarify them, express them, and then understand each other's point.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_00: So nobody actually is left feeling alone, disconnected, stuck.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually quite the opposite.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: Would you say that's accurate, Dr.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_00: Lola?
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_01: A hundred percent.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_01: I in fact, I was doing a session this earlier today, and these two people got into a conflict, and one person just comes rushing into the office and you know, expressing their uncomfortable, and the other person gets really startled.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_01: And what was interesting about that is is as the as the person who got kind of uh um comes to the office uh very aggressively, as he talks and the other person doesn't respond, the more he doesn't respond, the more the other person talks, like gets faster in his speech.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_01: And so what it shows is that when we don't get a response, when we ask for support, we're not really asking for logical explanation.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_01: We want for the other person to understand how difficult it is for us.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_01: So in that moment, I think I I agree what you're saying is that once we go into the protection, once we do this ineffective way of recognizing our problems or our um triggers, we enter in a negative cycle.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_01: But if we're able to slow it down and we're able to understand what's happening for us and create a and understand what we need to feel safe and connected, then we're in a positive cycle.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_01: Both people are creating the negative cycle, and both people are also can create a positive cycle and learn how to do that.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_01: So, about the form.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_01: So, what I uh wanted to say is as I started to put together the components of the form, what really started for me to be clear on um how consistent my sessions started to be.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_01: First of all, I didn't have to remember what we worked on last time, what did people say?
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_01: It was right there on the form.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_01: It made my life easier, that's number one.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_01: It also created a very standardized way.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_01: So, like not only can I do it, but anybody can do it because now they have a form and they come to the same result, which is always connection.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_01: That's the result we're looking for.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_01: And the last part I added for um emotions is positive emotions.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_01: Did you want to say something before I no, no, I just said I love it.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_01: I I added positive emotions because people started to tell me that the way they feel afterwards is they felt uh hopeful and connected and safer, and they felt motivated and energized.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I and I started to recognize that it's so important for people to acknowledge how they feel when they they feel valued and cared for, and when they get that reassurance, they they needed to hear the impact it has on the other person.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_01: So the positive emotions are very important.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and and then what can we do after when we feel positive emotions?
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_01: So people can always make the link from what they have felt at the beginning of the session, which is disconnected, hopeless, helpless, alone, to when they are connected, feeling energized, not alone, grateful, optimistic, and enthusiastic.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_01: So all of these uh experiences.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's amazing.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_00: So uh Dr.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: Lova actually just launched a new updated EMC journal, which is available.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: Is it already available on Amazon?
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes, it's available on Amazon, but it has it has more instructions like in the beginning of explanation how to do the form.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_01: It shows the negative cycle, positive cycle, and it has also the list of raw spots and emotions, and it has 30 EMC reconnection forms, so one for each day.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, and then you just get on the recurring subscription to get your EMC journal every single month.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I like to say using the reconnection form is like going to the gym.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's for your emotional muscle.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: You have to practice every single day to become stronger and stronger.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_00: And when you become stronger, you will have much more effective communication skills to talk about your emotions, how you feel, and you're gonna have a lot deeper connections in your relationship at work.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for sharing all of that, Dr.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_00: Lola.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_00: That was so amazing.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, tell us one more.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_01: I just want to when you mentioned the gym, I just talked to another client and they say, I have the EMC journal.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_01: I said, Well, are you practicing it?
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_01: And they said, No, because it's too scary to do it by myself.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_01: And then I said that makes sense.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_01: It's like going to the gym, but just looking at the uh gym equipment, but not really doing anything, right?
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's sometimes we do need a coach, we need a partner, we need somebody who can help us to go into those unfamiliar, scary places of emotions.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what we're here for.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_00: So if you need our support and our help to work through the form and to understand how to reconnect, we of course have so many tools.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_00: We have the EMC course that's available online.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_00: We have the opportunity also, if you would like us to come into your workplace to work with your L and D professionals, to work with your HR team.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_00: We're here to support you.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you very much for listening to the Leader in You podcast brought to you by EMC Leaders.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Paulina, and this is the amazing Dr.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_00: Lola Gershfeld.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_00: And we will see you guys next week.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you everyone for listening.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's a joy to share these podcasts with you.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_01: Be sure to check out our previous podcast and subscribe to join us at our next podcast of The Leader in You, brought to you by EMC Leaders, taking care of the teams you care about.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_01: Until then, be well and be focused on your relationships.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_01: We'll see you soon.