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Mojo Monday: Becoming Mentally Fit - Part 2 of the Pillars of Mental Fitness · Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor

• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Everyone, it's Carli Taylor here for this week's Mojo Monday.
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  Speaker 1: So last week was part one of our series of
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  Speaker 1: becoming mentally Fit, and we talked about the importance of size.
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  Speaker 1: This week we're diving into part two and today it's
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  Speaker 1: all about my favorite subject, which is mindset. And it's
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  Speaker 1: not the common just think positive kind of way, which
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  Speaker 1: of course can help in the short term. But today
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  Speaker 1: we're going to get really real and practical and talk
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  Speaker 1: about mindset in an One of the most important parts
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  Speaker 1: of mindset is something called psychological flexibility, and this comes
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  Speaker 1: from a therapeutic approach I use in my coaching called ACT,
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  Speaker 1: which is Acceptance and Commitment therapy. And the idea is
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  Speaker 1: pretty simple. To explain a lot skill you have to practice,
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  Speaker 1: but to put it kind of in a simple way
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  Speaker 1: so you can understand it. Life throws us stuff all
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  Speaker 1: the time. We will always go through some sort of
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  Speaker 1: situation and then we have thoughts and emotions that come up.
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  Speaker 1: And this happens on a continual base. And some of
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  Speaker 1: these situations are just the blaff every day stuff. Say,
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  Speaker 1: for example, someone's left dirty dishes at the side of
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  Speaker 1: the sink, which is one of my pet hates, and
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  Speaker 1: there's thoughts that come up around that, like who the
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  Speaker 1: hell left those there? And maybe a bit of frustration
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  Speaker 1: right like the sun is shining today, so you think
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  Speaker 1: about all the things that you can do outside, and
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  Speaker 1: maybe that brings you a sense of joy. And then
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  Speaker 1: some of the situations in life are really hard, and
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  Speaker 1: of course there's a spectrum of heart and there are
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  Speaker 1: endless examples. I guess an example for me is the
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  Speaker 1: one that I use BEQ, which is my son getting
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  Speaker 1: a rare disease, and that was a really hard situation,
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  Speaker 1: so of course all these thoughts came up, like what
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  Speaker 1: if this happens? What if that happens? And the fear
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  Speaker 1: and the anxiety and the intense emotions that swirled around
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  Speaker 1: in my body at that time. So most of you
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  Speaker 1: will have your own examples of all three of these
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  Speaker 1: kind of levels of situations and thoughts and feelings that
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  Speaker 1: come up. So psychological flexibility is the skill of noticing
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  Speaker 1: what's going on inside you when things happen, so your
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  Speaker 1: thoughts and without being bossed around by them. So it's
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  Speaker 1: an ability to stay connected to what really matters most
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  Speaker 1: and then take action even when your mind is telling
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  Speaker 1: you to avoid or give up or run away. And
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  Speaker 1: here's the thing. Everyone feels every day where nervous, anxious, angry, uncertain,
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  Speaker 1: or flat sometimes so. But emotions like anxiety, for example,
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  Speaker 1: they're not signs that something is wrong with you. And
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  Speaker 1: I've said this many times. They're just part of being human.
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  Speaker 1: They might even be trying to tell you something important,
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  Speaker 1: because you don't want to start fighting with emotions if
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  Speaker 1: there's a really important message there. So maybe you're anxious
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  Speaker 1: because you really care and it's telling you to do
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  Speaker 1: something because that's something matters. And if we allow it,
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  Speaker 1: our default response, which will be saying equotions because they're
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  Speaker 1: uncomfortable and painful, means there's no mental flexibility there. But
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  Speaker 1: what if we said yes to them, allowed them to
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  Speaker 1: be there, to ebb and flow while we take action
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  Speaker 1: and get on with living authentically according to our values,
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  Speaker 1: according to what's important. So I'll give you an example
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  Speaker 1: of this. When I was younger, and I'm talking, you know,
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  Speaker 1: as a teenager and in my twenties and thirties, I
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  Speaker 1: really struggled with that self talk, with the belief that
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  Speaker 1: I wasn't good enough, and that voice in my head
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  Speaker 1: would pop up before and big things, so presentations, hard conversations,
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  Speaker 1: anything like parties, anything that felt like there was a
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  Speaker 1: risk there. And there are many examples that I did
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  Speaker 1: allow those thoughts to stop me, and that psychological rigidity,
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  Speaker 1: letting your thoughts and emotions when there actually are other options.
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  Speaker 1: But over time I learned to do something different. I
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  Speaker 1: learned to notice those thoughts, feel the emotions and move
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  Speaker 1: forward anyway, and that psychological flexibility and I would not
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  Speaker 1: be doing this presentations or doing CrossFit or you know,
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  Speaker 1: I traveled a lot on my own when I was
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  Speaker 1: younger if I had given in to those thoughts and emotions.
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  Speaker 1: We need to get flexible in our minds, just like
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  Speaker 1: our bodies, and that takes training. And I can tell
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  Speaker 1: you if you do mind, it will make a huge
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  Speaker 1: difference in your life and you will have plenty to
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  Speaker 1: be proud of. So how do we build psychological flexibility?
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  Speaker 1: The first thing to do is to notice your thoughts
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  Speaker 1: and notice your emotions, so you become the noticer. What
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  Speaker 1: is your Mind's a hard? So just think about that.
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  Speaker 1: Now you know something hard has happened in your life recently,
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  Speaker 1: what is your mind? Say? You know, mind still defaults
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  Speaker 1: to know. It's just still defaults to you're not good enough,
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  Speaker 1: and it probably always will, so you've got to name it.
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  Speaker 1: And it's like you say, ah, there's that old there's
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  Speaker 1: that story that I'm not good enough. So you're noticing
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  Speaker 1: what is going on internally, and then you check in
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  Speaker 1: with your values what actually really matters here. And I'll
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  Speaker 1: give you an example of this. My daughter went backpacking
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  Speaker 1: last year, right after her year twelve, literally a week
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  Speaker 1: or so after those poor girls got poisoned in last
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  Speaker 1: and that town was the destination that my daughter was
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  Speaker 1: going to first. So of course my mind went crazy
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  Speaker 1: and it was don't let her go. And I had
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  Speaker 1: to notice that values as a mother, which we're clashing
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  Speaker 1: at this point because obviously I have a value of
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  Speaker 1: keeping my daughter safe and I went into protective mode,
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  Speaker 1: but I also needed to let her go on that
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  Speaker 1: adventure to become independent and to trust that she would
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  Speaker 1: avoid anything that put her at risk what was going
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  Speaker 1: on over there. So you can see that value of
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  Speaker 1: letting go, of allowing her to develop this independence. I
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  Speaker 1: had to follow that rather than what the chatter was
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  Speaker 1: in my mind. And then the third thing is to
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  Speaker 1: take one small so even if it's uncomfortable, and I
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  Speaker 1: guess that was me letting her go. So even if
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  Speaker 1: you don't feel ready, you know, maybe it's you want
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  Speaker 1: to go for a job interview, or maybe you want
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  Speaker 1: to do a presentation or write a book or whatever
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  Speaker 1: it is. It's especially if you don't feel ready, take
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  Speaker 1: that tore in a small wheelie bag and drag it
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  Speaker 1: behind you while you get on with living your life.
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  Speaker 1: So there's a mantra that I often come back to
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  Speaker 1: when I'm feeling stuck in my head and it's hard
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  Speaker 1: to take action. And that mantra is lead with the body.
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  Speaker 1: With this from Greg Creech, who's my teacher in Japanese
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  Speaker 1: psychology over at the Toto Institute, and I like to
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  Speaker 1: actually take it one step further, so it's lead with
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  Speaker 1: the body and the mind will follow. Because so often
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  Speaker 1: it's action that shifts our mindset, not the other way round.
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  Speaker 1: Move even just a little things that once felt out
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  Speaker 1: of reach now start to feel possible, you know, Doubts
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  Speaker 1: begin to fade away, and confidence starts to build, not
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  Speaker 1: because we thought our way there, but because we acted
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  Speaker 1: our way there. Flexible mindset isn't about avoiding the stress
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  Speaker 1: or pushing away any uncomfortable emotions. It's about learning how
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  Speaker 1: to respond to them in a way that moves you
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  Speaker 1: closer to the life that you want to live. So
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  Speaker 1: this week, pay attention to how you respond getting stuck
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  Speaker 1: in old thought loops, waiting until you feel ready. Are
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  Speaker 1: your feelings ruling your life because that is a choice.
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  Speaker 1: So you can lead with the body and then the
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  Speaker 1: mind will follow. So be willing to feel and still
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  Speaker 1: take a step forward. So that's the work, and that's
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  Speaker 1: what builds mental fitness. So thank you so much for
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  Speaker 1: joining me this week. I actually thought next week we
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  Speaker 1: could do another one on mindset and I'm thinking of
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  Speaker 1: having a special guest on the King of Mindset. If
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  Speaker 1: I can pin him down, we can have a chat
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  Speaker 1: with him about his PhD, which is all about mindset
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  Speaker 1: and I think you'll find it really interesting. So until then,
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  Speaker 1: have a great week and I will catch you next week.
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  Speaker 1: See ya.