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186. Ride The Train · Your Enriched Self

• 0:28
  Speaker 1: What do you think makes a family heirloom valuable? I
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: would argue to say, it's the story behind the heirloom.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: It's when Grandpa proposed to grandma or great grandpa came
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: back from the war and made his first purchase. There
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: is a story around the heirloom that adds value to it.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: And I think the reason why sometimes we're not valued
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: is because we're not telling our stories. You aren't telling
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: your story. Maybe you are repeating a story you've heard
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: or something that sounds like you, but what is your
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: true story? Today? I want to talk about self advocacy
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  Speaker 1: because it comes with value. It comes from how you
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  Speaker 1: define that and not just how others perceive it. Going
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: back to the heirloom, someone may look at that ring
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  Speaker 1: and go, that's just a dusty ring sitting in your
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: drawer or your jewelry box, But until they hear the
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: story of said heirloom, it changes how they value that.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: And so I want you to consider in life what
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  Speaker 1: and how you are going to receive your value, And
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: it starts with knowing what's important, and especially in the workplace,
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: if you don't communicate your contributions, if you don't communicate
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  Speaker 1: your boundaries, or what you want to do with your
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: life at that company, people may assume something else, and
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: quite frankly, they will likely undervalue what it is you do,
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: where it is you want to go, and all of
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: the above. If you don't decide or define what success
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  Speaker 1: means to you, it's easy for you to get caught
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: up in what others think. Again, it is you telling
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  Speaker 1: that story. It is you owning that story, it is
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  Speaker 1: you sharing that story. I heard a really profound story
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  Speaker 1: about a young lady who was recalling her journey to
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: self advocacy, and she mentioned a season in her life
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  Speaker 1: where she had an extraordinary, super fabulous opportunity as an intern.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: And of course when you intern, a lot of times
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: they're unpaid, so she wasn't an unpaid intern, but it
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  Speaker 1: was at a well regarded, highly sought after internship, and
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  Speaker 1: she made the internship so much so well her parents
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: made a decision to move her out of state to
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  Speaker 1: an apartment in this city so she could be close
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  Speaker 1: to this internship. So it wasn't even in her city,
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  Speaker 1: So that's how large of an opportunity it was. Where
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: her parents were willing to finance her a place to stay, utilities, travel,
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  Speaker 1: all of the things while their daughter has an unpaid internship. Right.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: Let that sink in us how huge this opportunity was.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: She would go on to say that over time, she
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: found herself, along with some of her colleagues in the office,
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: staying unbelievable hours at that office, so much so she
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: mentioned one of her colleagues had stayed until two am.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: And this is back in your twenties. You know, think
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: about if you are in your twenties, if you were
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: there at one point in your life. I mean, you
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: probably have a lot of you know, stamina, you can
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: handle that type of thing. But she would go on
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: to say that one night her mother called and said, hey,
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: where are you And she stated, I'm still at the office.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: It was approximately nine pm at that time, and her
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  Speaker 1: mother gently said, hey, call me when you get home.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: And so she got home and she picked up the
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: phone and called her mom, and her mom said, tomorrow,
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  Speaker 1: I need you to go to the office and let
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: your supervisor know that you are no longer able to
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: stay past when the last train will be traveling. And
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: of course, the daughter, at twenty three, I think at
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  Speaker 1: the time, she stated, was hesitant and pushed back on
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: mom and said, I don't know, mom, like, this is
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: an internship of a lifetime, and I don't want to
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: lose this opportunity by going into the office tomorrow and
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: letting my supervisor know I can't work the hours. I
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: can't work the time that clearly has now been established
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: as a norm where many people are working these crazy
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  Speaker 1: hours into the wee hours of the morning. Her mother stated,
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  Speaker 1: I need you to do this when you get into
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  Speaker 1: the office tomorrow. I would say that what she did
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  Speaker 1: was heroic, and I I know that sounds really dramatic,
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  Speaker 1: but you have to think, when you're in your twenties
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  Speaker 1: and you're super impressionable and you want to make the
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  Speaker 1: right move and you want to do the right things,
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  Speaker 1: standing up for yourself is not really on your list
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  Speaker 1: of things to do when you think you have everything
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  Speaker 1: to lose, especially with an opportunity like this. So she
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  Speaker 1: goes into the office against her own judgment, you know,
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  Speaker 1: going with her mother's feedback, and she let her supervisor know, Hey,
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  Speaker 1: I am not able to stay past five pm because
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  Speaker 1: I'm going to be taking the last you know, bus
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  Speaker 1: or whatever that's traveling out and I'm willing to come
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  Speaker 1: in an extra hour early if necessary, but you know
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  Speaker 1: five pm is the latest I can stay, so I can,
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  Speaker 1: you know, make sure I can get home on that
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  Speaker 1: last train and her supervisor said okay. So she of
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: course finishes her work day, goes home, calls her mother
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  Speaker 1: and lets her know exactly what happened. And she told
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  Speaker 1: her mother, she said, how do you know she was
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  Speaker 1: going to say yes? And her mother said, I didn't
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  Speaker 1: know that. I just knew that if you weren't able
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  Speaker 1: to manage, or if you were told that you couldn't
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  Speaker 1: keep the opportunity, your father and I would come into
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  Speaker 1: town and do our work to move you back home.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: And she said that was the first time in her
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: life that she had practiced self advocacy, and that's essentially
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  Speaker 1: what her mother wanted her to do. And I think
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  Speaker 1: it's such a great practice to begin to advocate for yourself.
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  Speaker 1: She didn't do it in a mean way, she didn't
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  Speaker 1: do it in a dishonoring way or a way that
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: was not moral or integral. She did it in a
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  Speaker 1: way where she again made the definition or created boundaries
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  Speaker 1: and set the expectation around what she could and would do.
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  Speaker 1: And I think that's something that each and every one
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  Speaker 1: of you should be making a priority for her and
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: for her mother. You know, her time is of value.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: Everybody's time, quite honestly, is of great value, right, your
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: well being. I mean, imagine the wear and tear on
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: your person if you're staying in the office for hours
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: at a time beyond the normal work hours. Right, So
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  Speaker 1: there are some things that you have to define for
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  Speaker 1: yourself to determine if it's a non negotiable. Advocacy activity
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: is really a game changer because it's going to help
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: you navigate your work life balance. And I think I
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: mentioned this a couple times in the last few podcasts,
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: but one of the things I started doing, and sometimes
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: self afficacy comes with the doing. It's how you treat
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: yourself and it's what people see that they understand what's
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: valuable to you. And so one of the things that
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: I started doing was leaving for lunch. Leaving my desk
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  Speaker 1: for lunch. That doesn't mean I'm leaving the bailing, I'm
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: driving off campus. I'm having lunch at a restaurant. That
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  Speaker 1: simply means that I value the time that I need
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  Speaker 1: to have to unplug from the all the workings of
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: the day and I give myself, gift myself that time
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: so that I can recharge, refresh, and get back and
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: be ready to conquer the second half of my day. So, yes,
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  Speaker 1: it's a time for me to fl get fuel into
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  Speaker 1: my body, but it's also a time for me to
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  Speaker 1: mentally charge as well, so I can bring my best
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: self to the second half of the day. And so
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: because I know why I'm doing it and I know
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  Speaker 1: what I'm doing it for, I value it. And so
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  Speaker 1: now people around me are recognizing how I value my time,
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: and so I don't ever want that to be overlooked.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: I think it's important to do that kind of thing,
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: so that you can communicate your boundaries. For example, someone
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: and they didn't know, but I have my lunch hour
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: blocked off on my calendar, and most days I'm able
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: to make that hour. And then there are days that
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: I just simply can't. There's days that I can't get
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: an hour, I can't get thirty minutes. I can maybe
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: get a ten to fifteen minute break here and there,
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: and I recognize that those days will come, and that's
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  Speaker 1: why I value the days that I can take the
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: hour so much so that there are times where I
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: am getting ready to go out for my lunch hour,
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: and somebody might pop something on my calendar, and because
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  Speaker 1: I didn't prepare for it and I had already scheduled
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: the hour, I would let them know I'm not able
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  Speaker 1: to make that hour today. I can certainly do something tomorrow.
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  Speaker 1: Look at my calendar, And I think that's just important
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: because what that's going to help you do is prevent burnout.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: That's going to help you. It helps me secure my flexibility.
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  Speaker 1: I have to understand, and we had for me. I'm
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: working in the office five days a week right now.
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: So if I'm working in the office five days a
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: week and I spend my entire day behind the screen
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  Speaker 1: of a computer, and maybe I get up and go
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: use the restroom, but I spend my entire day plugged in,
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  Speaker 1: tapped in, tuned in to all things at my corporation,
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  Speaker 1: and nothing for me, I'm going to burn myself out.
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  Speaker 1: And we just started our five day in the office
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: work week. And so because I know that this is
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: not a sprint, this is a marathon, I have to
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  Speaker 1: treat this as training for making sure I have what
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  Speaker 1: I need each and every day, the resources to thrive
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  Speaker 1: both personally and professionally. The other thing that this does
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  Speaker 1: is when you start to realize your worth and you
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  Speaker 1: start speaking up about the things that are important to you,
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  Speaker 1: start speaking up about your ideas, You start speaking up
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: about what you want to do, what's important to you,
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  Speaker 1: such as me speaking about that lunch hour and how
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: I you know, take great value in that time away
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  Speaker 1: from being behind that screen. It builds confidence and it
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  Speaker 1: also sets the precedent for how you will show up.
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  Speaker 1: But you can build confidence through your your career aspirations,
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: right because now you're setting a precedence for the opportunities
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  Speaker 1: that you're going to take, and you've fleshed out why
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  Speaker 1: you want to do it and how you want to
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  Speaker 1: do it. And I just want to really speak to
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  Speaker 1: my women here because when you start to self advocate
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  Speaker 1: for yourself, you become better at negotiating your salary, you start,
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  Speaker 1: you become more you become bolder about taking on new work,
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  Speaker 1: new roles, new challenges in the office, and that's going
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: to help you create a career path that helps you
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  Speaker 1: align with the things that are important in your life,
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: the goals, the values. So I really wanted to share
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: that today because I think there's a lot happening in culture.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: There's a lot happening in our workspaces, and you know
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: it can become an opportunity for career growth. But ultimately,
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: I want you to feel secure in who you are,
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: and it starts with valuing who you are and telling
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  Speaker 1: your story. And that's essentially what happens when you set
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: boundaries and you communicate those, you communicate your priorities, and
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: you talk about the things that you contribute, and you
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: do that in an effective way. You are now telling
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  Speaker 1: your story. You are now setting the bar for your value.
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  Speaker 1: Just like that heirloom. That story helps to develop the
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: value of that and your story. Your opportunity to be
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: intentional about what you do, how you do it, when
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: you'll do it is what's needed. I hope you enjoyed
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: this week's episode of the Risk of Others Past. And
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: the only way I'm going to know this is if
• 14:53
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• 15:00
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• 16:41
  Speaker 1: next one hundred and sixty eight hours so that you
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: can become more of your enridged self until we meet Aga.