Latest / Questionable Detour / Giving taxidermy animals to children, a bunch of turned-on crocodiles, and letting people die in a hospital

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Giving taxidermy animals to children, a bunch of turned-on crocodiles, and letting people die in a hospital · Questionable Detour

0:00
Excuse me? What is going on here?
0:04
But first we're gonna make a little detour
0:09
So absurd so questionable
0:12
Yeah, I guess we're just the weirdos
0:15
Expect the detour
0:24
Evan how are you feeling today? Are you feeling like high and mad? Are you feeling good?
0:27
I mean it goes day by day. Yeah. Well, I'm talking about today. What's how is it today today? Pretty high right?
0:34
It's a pretty high day pretty high. What do you think about that Alan? That's I've got a great feeling about what's to come
0:38
Yeah, yeah, we can't have we can't let that happen because there's been a few times in the past
0:43
Episodes that you've had good days your pants are a little looser your your buttons are buttoned all the way up
0:48
I think the words high horse have been used
0:51
On a high horse. I just think I'm better than you most days and well here's a here's a thing
0:55
Uh, we have told people that you need to be cut down that you can't be up on a high horse
1:00
You've hired assassins. No to go because I don't have the money for that nor do I know people skilled enough to be an assassin
1:08
You know, I yeah, I'm good enough if I can find people that can tie shoes
1:13
Let they well the only people I know
1:16
Velcro shoes 100% and they don't even do well with those they're like half on half off. It's terrible
1:21
You think you could hire Alan? Could you be an assassin? I think I could
1:24
Um, I've been working on doing uh tucks and rolls on the ground
1:29
Which is the the bedrock of assassins. I think that's where their training starts and this week
1:34
I've been focusing a lot on when somebody opens a door. I just put myself up against the wall
1:38
Yeah, you yourself against the wall
1:39
Do you think Lee Harvey Oswald did a little tuck and roll before he shot Kennedy?
1:43
Lee Harvey Oswald obviously did not shoot Kennedy, but hypothetically. Yeah, he did. I don't want to get into your conspiracy theories
1:50
There he goes again
1:52
Yeah, do you think John Wilkes booth kind of did a tuck and roll in his three-piece suit right? Yeah
1:58
Yeah, he did a confederate man known to be limber a man a man of the theater
2:04
You know not too limber because he jumped out of the terrace and broke his broke his ankle. Oh, I didn't know that
2:09
Yeah, yeah, that's a I'm not making that up legitimately broke his ankle after jumping on and he yelled something
2:14
I think you should have tucked and rolled when he jumped off that's what I'm saying
2:17
Yeah, really he used all his tuck and roll. What did he what did he yell is like gotcha heads up
2:25
Four score and not today
2:29
Um, it was something Latin he pluribus unum. No, no
2:35
He yelled six semper tyrannous
2:37
Which makes it sound like he's an autistic person talking about dinosaurs
2:41
He was trying to get like the scientific name and he's just a little off
2:44
I'd like to imagine you shot Lincoln and this decided he wanted everybody to know his favorite dinosaur
2:49
You know, it's it's arguably his most famous moment. So whatever he said in the moment
2:54
He was like, this is gonna live on for ages. I'm gonna just I think my favorite dinosaur is the way to go. Yeah
3:01
I'm gonna do it
3:03
It's it's a funny thought to me to think about like John Wilkes booth driving up to the theater that night and being like
3:08
Should really say something after it, you know
3:10
Like I like I wonder if he like was looking in the mirror and like practice in his lines
3:15
Well, he's a he was a former actor. So you know, he's got he's got experience doing that
3:19
Yeah, so I you know, I'd like to think he was like six air to rent. No, it's not that's not good enough
3:24
I get more passionate. I need more passion with it six serious for ran us. I don't remember what I said
3:29
I'm messing it up. He ran his lines with somebody, you know
3:34
Yeah, and he just kind of like walked through the whole thing
3:36
He's like, all right now
3:37
I'm gonna shoot you in the head and then I'm gonna say my line like what plays this again
3:43
Shoot you
3:44
Say my line back to the topic at hand if I knew what John Wilkes booth and or Lee Harvey Oswald
3:51
Um, also, do all assassins have three names? Like you we all just name assassins based on their there's like
3:56
There's a theory about that. I mean, those are the only two that I can think of there's the guy that also shot MLK
4:02
Is he he had a three name? Yeah, the federal Bureau of Investigation
4:08
Yikes
4:12
The hard-eating facts here tonight
4:14
James Earl Ray. Yeah, what is the array? Yeah, what's with the whole three name thing?
4:18
Maybe they usually just go by their first and last name, but
4:22
Like they just put their middle name in there. So in case there's like another James Ray out
4:26
You don't want like James James Philip Ray to be like, oh, no, I wouldn't that wouldn't mean I wasn't me
4:32
I believed in his dream
4:36
But um insane Matt back to the top Evan you're on your high horse
4:40
You're on your high horse and a few weeks ago
4:42
We asked people to cut you down to target your insecurities
4:47
We asked them to go after you with aggression and we have somebody that wrote in Alan
4:51
Do you want to read what this person said? I would absolutely love to read this
4:55
And Evan I want you I want you to listen to this and really take it to heart and realize
4:59
I'm sure he went easy on me. Here's a there's a real wordsmith here. Yeah, like Zach said, he does not give his name
5:05
Um, that's probably strategic for his own protection
5:09
So he starts off. Hey questionable detour guys
5:11
I've been binging your episodes just got to the episode where Evan is all up on his high horse like
5:18
What's with that guy? Am I right? You you are right. Yeah, right? That's what we've been saying
5:23
No, he says I'm kind of upset that nobody else has written in and put him on blast
5:29
So I guess I'll help you guys take him down a notch
5:33
So I have some things to put that communist crotch clown in his place
5:39
Evan is a pig nut in a bloodhound the likes of which has not been seen under the sun
5:45
I don't even know what a pig nut is
5:47
That's a good one. I don't know what it is either
5:49
I can with good conscience consider Evan a fart lard and an enemy of god
5:56
I love the enemy of god. It's just so serious
6:00
It really paints a picture. Yeah, these a fart lard. Fart lard a fart. You're a fat fart
6:07
You're a fat fart and god hates you
6:10
One of the lowest insults I think
6:12
Here are some other things to call Evan next time he gets all high and mighty an incomprehensible
6:20
jizz trumpet
6:23
A totish ill-breeding pimple a chromosome rejecting worm I like that one. I really like
6:29
your little down syndrome worm is what you are
6:33
A disappointing son of a motherless goat
6:36
Which is just incredibly specific an egg and pig of treachery. I don't even know what that means
6:48
And finally slutty sphincter hammer
6:57
Anyway, I hope this makes him cry and helps the world reach peace
7:01
But for real, I don't know how you guys aren't more well known. You guys are so funny peace
7:08
And he was out dude. He just he said all that and just peaceed out. Evan. What do you think about that?
7:13
Well, how did you feel after that?
7:15
I gotta say it's pretty cowardly to write all that and not put your name in it. He didn't put his name
7:19
Unless his name is peace, but I doubt it. Yeah, maybe listen here peace. You're right about everything
7:24
Yeah, you're a communist crotch clown and you know it. Slutty sphincter hammer
7:29
Um, just who I am, but it doesn't make me feel any worse. I'm still up here. I'm still riding high, you know
7:38
riding the waves of confidence and glory because I don't know. I just uh, just better
7:44
I'm just better. Evan's gonna have to have more piled on top of them. Yeah, we're gonna get a lot more.
7:49
I don't think that was enough. I think we read that and the thing we come away from is yes, we agree, but also it's a good start
7:55
The first step is always the hardest and I'm glad we took it, but I mean it's a marathon, you know, not a sprint
8:02
With the destruction of evans. Luckily the way these the way these things go is you just need somebody to
8:08
Break the seal if you will now now everybody will start flooding in do it like that seal like you're clubbing a seal
8:14
Yes, like you're clubbing this. So you need to break that seals body. He is okay. He is so we need to club the seal
8:20
Aka we need to club Evan prefer if you didn't but I will say it is a war and that was the first battle feel like
8:26
He tried to bring a failings to an ambush and it did not go well for him because I'm still here
8:32
How did you ambush him?
8:33
Uh, he thought what he was doing was coming straight for me. Yeah, literally. He know I'm right behind you had said all those
8:40
Things about yourself the whole time. I had already been there
8:43
We'd already been down this this landscape and you wake up every morning go
8:48
I am such an unconceivable jizz trumpet. Yeah
8:51
I mean even this morning. I said slutty sphincter hammer
8:55
He looked in the mirror. I was like, you're like, that's probably right. You know how people will try to
9:00
Be inspirational and they'll write quotes and stuff on the mirror
9:04
That's you just have slutty sphincter hammer just written on the mirror and it's just an arrow to where you stand
9:08
Yeah
9:10
It kind of just has my face circled so I kind of stand in it and I'm like so right
9:13
This you got a nice needle point from your grandmother that says an egg and a pig of treachery
9:20
That's for her last birthday card to me, so
9:24
Hung it up on my mirror. Oh, and well what it sounds like is more people need to write in and let evan have it
9:30
I dare you
9:32
He's dead you dare any of the confidence of this guy. I mean natural zack. He just took a lot
9:37
He did he took a lot right there. I I don't know how much more of this he can take
9:42
I sit on a podcast with you two every week. Just absolutely railing into me
9:49
Absolutely just phrasing friends coming for me
9:54
If I have pushing into you, yeah
9:58
I haven't backed down yet
10:00
One little email is not gonna do it. Listen. Thank you to the anonymous listener that wrote that in
10:06
It was a good start at the end of the day evan saying it's gonna take a lot more of that
10:10
Yeah, it's gonna take a lot more maybe cut him a little more deep. It was too vague
10:14
But um, welcome to questionable detour. Let's do some hypotheticals. Dave, can I pose a somewhat abstract purely hypothetical question?
10:22
I guess I I want to apologize for asking a hypothetical question. Well, that's a hypothetical question
10:28
So for our first hypothetical day boys, we have the question of when you're invited to a child's birthday party
10:35
Which we often are around children love kids, but not too much not too much never too much
10:42
Just enough
10:44
Not too little either
10:46
We don't hurt them. We don't push them. Uh, oh, I mean we push them
10:50
I'm not gonna get in we push them if they if they try to cut in line, you know in front of us
10:55
Disrespectful to them. We'll slap them across the table. We'll hit them because I think at the end of the day
10:59
It's it's if the child's not being disciplined. It's our job to do it for them, right?
11:03
Yeah, we've weirdly taken on that job
11:08
Um, anyway, when you get invited to a child's birthday party, what do you what do you do when you're there?
11:13
We're at the age where a lot of our friends have kids. So this happened. This actually does happen a lot
11:18
So here's what I do. Here's what I do when I go to a kid's birthday party. We all love history
11:22
Yes, yes. Yes. I make them recreate d-day
11:27
I pick out the more race racist kids because we all know racist kids
11:32
You can always identify one that thing skinheads the swastika tattoos on them
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Then I personally tattooed on them because I need
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I need a side of the you know the battle and I and I
11:45
I tattooed some swastikas on some children and I put them in little you you know ss uniforms and
11:50
Put the other more patriotic children on the other side
11:53
And we storm the beach in Normandy
11:55
Okay, it's not it's obviously not the beach in France. There might be a lake or something. Yeah sitting out back. We get some tubs
12:03
Plastic tubs
12:05
We put those little kids in those cool like more or two helmets in there
12:09
and
12:10
You've got a kid in the tub throwing up before he hits the land
12:13
Yeah, he's like he's like clutching a picture of his his girlfriend
12:19
You know, yeah, he sticks it on his helmet. Yeah, it puts it back in his helmet
12:22
You got a kid with a cigarette in his ear
12:26
Yeah, those the front of those tubs open up and just bullets flying over these kids
12:32
It looks like a it looks like the same from save it private right like we have the the anti tank crossbars
12:37
You'll know what I'm talking about, right? Yeah, and like we have uh razor wire and
12:43
Barb wire and those kids have to storm the beach in Normandy because they need to appreciate what happened
12:47
But anyway on the beach quote unquote beach. We got machine gunners nests. You know those little Nazi kids are in there
12:54
Let me rip. It's questionable if these are real guns. I haven't decided yet
12:58
You got nerf bullets flying through. Yeah, I don't know. It's orange bullets whiz and past their head. This good water guns
13:03
This got the super soakers out there
13:05
If anything if anything, they are real guns with blanks. I want the noise, you know, and I put very big
13:12
Fireworks out there to you know simulate explosions. It's a little more festive a little more bright lots of colors
13:19
It seems like dr. Seuss is rendition of what dj would be like
13:22
Lots of colors and stuff like there is cat in the hat out there. There's weird creatures
13:28
The Lorax is like a no-nonsense sergeant everybody's just rhyming. I speak for the trees
13:37
Yeah, you know great eggs at him, you know
13:39
Uh dr. Seuss was classically racist, so he's probably on the side of the nazis. Yeah, but
13:45
He's got the weird lanky creatures on his side
13:50
Redfish bluefish one fish two fish and all of a sudden that those tubs doors fall down and
13:56
Bullets start flying over them. These kids are going go go go go. You know, you know kids dragging another kid
14:02
Off the beach they have their their guns put uh
14:08
Bayonets on them and I make them charge at each other, you know, I'm like if you're fighting tyranny right now boys
14:14
I give them a little speech on the so are you in one of the boats like kind of
14:17
Coaching them. There's a big tub out in the middle and that's my battleship and it's rocking
14:21
But it's not very stable out there, especially since I'm an adult
14:24
But the battleship is just an inflatable kids pool. Well, yeah
14:34
Yeah, it's like a bounce house
14:38
I'm like, yeah, let's get this bounce house here on that pond in the middle of the mega phone and you're just yelling fix bayonets
14:46
Yeah, we have all the tubs tied to it out in the middle of the pond. We're like, all right, let's get those tubs
14:51
It's it's not it does not graceful, you know, because kids are falling in and you know, it doesn't look great
14:57
But eventually they get in so um one of the one of the cool things about the invasion of normandy is that uh, there were a lot of
15:03
paratroopers do you ever uh
15:05
Ever have anybody acting that out? It's difficult to because I don't have
15:09
Plains, but what we do is we strap a kid to a rope and then sling it over a uh, a tree branch
15:16
And we just get the rest of the kids to pull on it. He goes up in the air. There it is, you know, it doesn't deploy a parachute
15:23
He deploys a pig. It's like, you know, he's got like a walmart bag hanging above his head
15:28
It doesn't have the same effect of thousands of paratroopers falling because it's kind of a one of a time
15:33
It's only one tree in the backyard
15:38
You get the picture of it
15:42
Same guy over and over again
15:44
Like a little timmy you're the you're the paratrooper here
15:47
Go strap on
15:49
So you have a bunch of tubs of the machines tubs not like tubs. Well, you have fat kids too
15:55
We do have fat kids just beaching a bunch of fat kids running on top of them
16:00
But do you have like speakers playing the engine noise of the we have one kid playing easily an autistic kid
16:07
That just kind of makes the engine noise. So you got timmy over there making engine noise horton
16:11
Here's a who toss a page over into the
16:15
But that autistic kid he he knows the sounds he's like this is a this is a b4 class
16:22
a transporter
16:23
I'm gonna get this right
16:26
Historically accurate I will now do our b24 bomber
16:32
What's weird is we have about 36 tubs that means there's a lot of kids a lot of the autistic kids are gonna put in each of those
16:38
The kids with the speech impediments do you make them the nazis?
16:45
I find that kids with the speech impediments tend to be the most racist
16:50
Do you teach them like loose german just like yeah, yeah nine nine
16:55
So they can only communicate and yes, you know
16:58
Um, you know in saving private ryan there's like that scene where the guy gets his legs blown off
17:02
Well, we we get the the local wheelchair kid
17:05
Lutinadan looking kid and
17:11
And just like the paratrooper the paratrooper kid has one job
17:14
He just goes up and down the kid with missing legs
17:16
He just is on the beach and we just scream just yell just yell on the beach if the kid ever gets tired
17:21
Does that autistic guy go yell for him?
17:26
And you know, maybe we dress up a kid like hitler and put him in the back and go this is what you're fighting against
17:30
There you go. There's your goal
17:31
And I guess after the battle is kind of done. Do we just go get cake and ice cream?
17:37
That's how uh, that's how to end it. I think I think that's yeah
17:39
I think that's always that do you have like the skinniest kids kind of around the cake and ice cream?
17:45
And it's like when the americans finally break through the lines
17:47
Yeah, we can liberate the the skinny kids with the cake and ice cream right. Yeah, you have the tubs
17:54
Yeah, the fat
17:56
The americans I guess yeah tubs
17:59
Do they just put the fat kids on a wagon and roll them through like like tanks in the town
18:06
Liberating the camps
18:09
You know you put the tubs the fat kids on the ground and you put the tubs actual tubs on top of them
18:14
And then you just kind of roll the tubs on top of the tubs, you know, yeah, yeah
18:18
One of your classic double tub situations
18:22
Tub squared
18:24
Tubble Decker and then hey there it is. Tubble Decker. I knew it was there somewhere
18:29
And then after it all is said and done we get they get to wear a little world war two veteran hats like the old people do these days
18:36
Yeah, they get to wear it around walmart at six in the morning
18:40
Or whatever those guys or at mcdonald's really really early
18:44
The local hardies
18:46
Getting a biscuit
18:47
Could you imagine just you walking to mcdonald's early in the morning? There's just table of six
18:52
12 year old world war two vets
18:55
sitting there
18:57
PTSD
19:00
Yeah, every time the door opens they're like, what was that?
19:04
Here come the jerry's
19:06
But yeah, I think it makes for a memorable. It's educational. It's educational, right? They'll they'll know all about it
19:12
They get into that world war two subject matter in school and they'll be like, let me teach you about it. I lived it
19:18
I'm talking about it. You weren't there
19:26
He's a stupid betting hat
19:29
and then the class
19:31
That's my that's what I do for a kid's birthday party. It's themed fun. I like it of world war two dr. Seuss theme
19:41
But um, what about y'all invited to a kid's birthday party? What are y'all doing?
19:44
Uh, I'm not a kid. So I don't know how to have kid fun, but I only know how to have adult fun
19:50
adult fun with kids
19:52
sure
19:56
Work your way out of that box not the weird way. No
20:01
I only know how to have adult fun. So I try to kind of put my impression on the party. Okay, I bring 48 beers
20:09
48 beers specifically 48 beers to any party I go to okay
20:13
Is there a reason for that number? Is it just kind of arbitrary number? Okay?
20:18
I like to bring nice troll packs to any birthday I go to pass them out to everybody involved right including the children
20:25
Yeah, I mean, yeah, it's their birthday party. I'm not gonna leave them out. Sure. So give it to everybody. Everybody's getting wasted
20:32
We're partying
20:35
We have a dj, you know, they're cranking up the the rap and hip-hop music
20:39
Uh, everybody's out on the dance floor people are doing keg stands in the back
20:44
Uh, got a nice 12 year old down in a bushlight. Wow. Oh man. Okay, funnel and
20:50
It's like a frat house in there. This reminds me of maybe what michael jackson's house was like for a very long time
20:55
Is that kind of the thing you're going after? I always seem like it always seems like he's a good guy to kind of strive to be
21:02
Famous a lot of money king of pop, you know, sing yeah dance. Can moonwalk. Why wouldn't you want to be him? You know
21:07
After they are sufficiently intoxicated. Do you immediately have a street race with people's cars around the neighborhood?
21:14
Yeah, of course
21:15
You have a bunch of braking and innings and maybe you teach them how to hot wire a vehicle and then have like a fast and furious street race
21:21
Yeah, you know adult fun. Yeah, where you just commit crimes, I guess
21:26
Do you dress up in like a sexy little outfit with the the flags in front of the cars? You know, you see fast and furious
21:33
Yeah, and you like, you know, you wave them and you do like a hip movement and you pull the flags down real quick
21:38
And those kids immediately they don't go straight in the cars because they can't see over the dash they and they're intoxicated
21:43
so
21:44
They hang a left and hang a right
21:47
Or into a mailbox like is that what happens? I feel like that's what happens. It's what happens. Sure. It's happened before
21:52
Nobody remembers. Who's to say?
21:56
At this point, you know, you just stop at beer. So I've got a friend that's looking to make some money some extra cash
22:01
Um, he deals in uh, let's call him farm pseudicles. If I were to send him to this birthday party, uh,
22:07
Would he leave us some money? Are you trying to sell drugs to the kids?
22:10
I'm trying to arrange for my friend to sell drugs to evan
22:13
What he does with those what he does with those drugs at this kid's birthday party. I don't know
22:18
Do you get a cut of this? That's I don't really think that's anybody's business
22:24
Like are you giving kids lsd?
22:27
a hallucinogenics
22:29
Are these kids running around pulling out their hair because they're seeing
22:32
Demons and corners and clowns hanging from the ceiling man. You keep saying the word you are you giving it to them?
22:40
Are you giving them beer? Are you giving this is not a court of law? You don't
22:44
I'm not even anything. Is there something there on the counter?
22:48
Uh
22:50
They've baked into a muffin. Yeah, but I may have just accidentally left on the counter
22:55
Um for anyone to grab sure you bring you bring a cake that has been baked
23:00
Uh and has shrooms in it like you bring the birthday cake, of course. I bring a cake everybody needs birthday cake
23:05
Yeah, but it has shrooms in it
23:07
Are you drunk during this and on shrooms?
23:09
Are you just kind of sitting back and watching your work like after they after they get drunk? You're like, let's go drive some cars and now they're like
23:16
The hall outside of the whole thing. Yeah, I'll put in all this work
23:20
I might as well be able to see the first you see the pay off right? Yeah, yeah
23:23
I think that's only fair. Yeah, sue me. Yeah
23:27
I think you will just want to have a little fun. I'd be careful with uh offering that up somewhere. You are legally liable
23:33
You sure about that?
23:36
Do you maybe play Russian roulette with them? You have a couple revolvers six shooters. No, but we do play lawn darts
23:43
Yeah, yeah, I try to keep the guns out of it. So I just like to sharpen giant darts and toss them into the air
23:49
You've always been a more primitive weapons guy
23:51
Yeah
23:52
Yeah, it just seems more fair you have them out in the yard. They're intoxicated running around you just tossing lawn darts in there
23:58
Just tossing lawn darts sharpen metal
24:00
So I imagine a kid gets a lawn dart in the shoulder and does he even feel it or is he just so
24:05
Out of his mind. He's like a juggernaut
24:08
Not really much is putting him down. Yeah, besides the car crash those parents show up to this party and there's just a kid with a
24:16
Lawn dart hanging out of his shoulder
24:18
My mom was great. So much fun. I'm the life of the party and the death of the party
24:25
All right, Alan, you go to a kid's birthday party. It's like you're drug along to a child's birthday party
24:31
Or maybe it's your own child's birthday party. I don't know. How do you want to frame it? Don't have a kid?
24:35
I'm I'm probably going to be drugged to this birthday party. It's not something I want to go to but
24:40
As with any birthday party, you've got to show up bearing a gift
24:42
Um, if you don't you're looked down on treated as less than do you bear a gift though?
24:48
Like is it kind of like this very formal almost wise men showing up to jesus's manger?
24:53
Yeah, so it's me and two hired actors. We call ourselves gold frankincense and murr. Yeah
24:58
Um, and we each show up bearing different gifts and you're in like robes. Yeah. Oh, definitely. We are all decked out
25:05
Middle eastern attire
25:07
You have somebody following you along with like a long fishing pole that has like a star on it
25:11
Yeah, we're following that star all the way to the birthday party
25:15
It's jesus is not there. Um, it's the birthday party for jesus is not there for a kid. Um
25:21
It is void of jesus, but we've got we've got gifts though. My first associate
25:26
He comes in there with just a just a truck bed full of microwaves. Oh good
25:31
Just used microwaves still got the pop or kernels inside. Well, some of them do some of them don't
25:36
Yeah, you just it's a it's a minefield or whether some of them are just good for
25:40
lights
25:41
You just plug it in open the door and the light it doesn't it doesn't work
25:45
But it works as a great night. Yeah, exactly. And that's kind of what we want these people to do is to
25:50
Sort of get a little bit better at interior decorating
25:52
I kind of scope out scope out the house prior to and I say, you know, this is family
25:56
Why do they decorate so terribly?
25:59
And you're like, you know what? I got I got some truck. I got some I've got I've got some microwaves
26:03
You can use for decorating you need an end table. I got you microwave
26:05
Do you need a bed frame to put your mattress on? I got you four microwaves. You can set that thing on top of
26:14
Do you need a mattress? I have a microwave
26:16
Got a bunch of microwaves eight microwaves
26:22
Whether or not they say yes or no, do you start installing the microwaves about their house?
26:27
Yeah, we just kind of come in and say, you know, hey, we come bearing gifts. Uh, don't even worry about it
26:33
We'll we'll handle the install. Um, you just sit back. Enjoy your kids birthday party. Yeah. So then the second gift, uh,
26:40
Oh, there's three gifts. Oh, yeah. There's three gifts. Yeah, there's three guys. Yeah
26:43
Second gift, uh, a series of taxidermied animals a taxidermy animal is that's a great, um,
26:49
Anyone specifically is it just random off the top of my head a taxidermy bobcat and they are taxidermy
26:55
They're not just dead animals that you're bringing into the house. No, they're not they're not just a carcass
26:59
Um, presentation wise we're trying to make this this really nice for this family
27:04
Yeah, so we you know stuff the animal and put googly eyes on them
27:08
Very very classy very professional. Do you also offer these items as different parts of their house that they could use?
27:15
Yeah, yeah, it's all it's all decoration. You know, we think how cool would it be if there was just a just a series of
27:20
Crows above your bed
27:24
Just a murder of crows right there
27:26
Oh, yeah, you sound professional when you say, you know, you know what you're doing. Yeah, I think like, um,
27:31
Especially if you've got a like a baby in a crib
27:34
Is it the baby taxidermy the baby is not taxidermy. Okay. Okay. What is taxidermy is the uh, great horned owl
27:40
That looks like it's about to swoop down into the crib. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, it'd be a great mobile
27:45
Yeah item for a baby. Just have some, you know chipmunks. Yeah, that's right. That's right. You know a lot of
27:50
I think I think dead animals bring a lot to a bring a lot to a home
27:54
Ironically dead animals bring a lot of life to a home
27:57
People always stop at the at the deer and I think that there's there's just so many better
28:02
Animals that we can use to really round out a room. You want it to look like a bass pro shops in their house
28:08
Exactly. Yeah, like why not maybe uh, maybe just have a possum just hang in from a cabinet
28:14
Yeah, you know, which I'm excited about here about the third one because maybe that could add
28:18
Yeah
28:20
Because I could maybe add to all the various things you could do called bringing a room together
28:25
It's exactly what it is and I did want to say you've been getting a lot of reports back of people coming down with like lung
28:30
Cancer and stuff right after I mean, how many is a lot of reports? Um, pretty much everyone you've given 100% of the
28:38
Wow, okay. Well more than I thought you've been suffering with asbestos. Oh, that's what you do
28:43
I know you had like a lot of left over asbestos in the warehouse
28:47
I thought you were stuffing them with just like normal cotton. You're stuffing them with the carcinogen of best. Yeah, it's asbestos
28:54
It's the best. So that makes sense. The best thing to use. Right? I understand why you made that leap
28:59
It's as best as it can get, you know, so I
29:03
You you lose a lot of workers in this business, don't you? Yeah, anybody that works in a
29:08
Mills navy the shipyards, uh people that come down with asbestos. That's that's essentially what I have working for me
29:15
You are single handedly funding those stupid lawyer commercials. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Definitely
29:22
All right. What's the third one? What's the third gift? The third one is
29:27
Just a bunch of old direct TV satellites of all different shapes and sizes. I think it's functional
29:33
You have no need for bowls. You got no need for balls right out of the the dish
29:37
You just you know, you let's say you've got that table built maybe out of microwaves. Yeah, well, yeah
29:41
I'm just I'm just spitballing here. You set the table with just direct TV dishes all around, you know
29:47
It's I mean that that's a wide that's a wide dish. You can fit a lot of food on that thing
29:51
You don't need any places to sit. You just kind of sit right in the dish. Right. Yeah. Yeah
29:55
And even then if if you don't use it for that you could just have them on stands like throughout the room
29:59
Kind of bring the outside in and make your living room kind of feel like your backyard
30:04
Definitely, definitely
30:05
With microwaves really what we're what we're trying to do here is is just create just a space, you know
30:12
That everybody will feel good relaxing in, you know, you know as they sit on top of a dish that's on top of a microwave
30:18
Yeah, that is not at all fashion together. So it's very precarious
30:22
Well, you know live a little is what I say, which is a weird thing for a taxidermist to say
30:27
Yeah, and a taxidermist that fills his animals with the bestest
30:31
Your punchline is live a little
30:33
You know, maybe maybe I want to have that house one day and maybe I want ever
30:38
Maybe I'm just trying to kill everybody in the house
30:40
So I they can dive as best as and I can just swoop in and take it. It's already decorated really well
30:46
Um, I already know I enjoy the furnishings, you know
30:49
So this really went from what do you do at a kids birthday party to you're just trying to create real estate?
30:54
Yeah, at the end of the day kids, you know, they're supposed to make us money. I think
30:58
Also, you take out kids you take out future competition. That's right. What are they? What am I competing for?
31:05
I think real estate. I think you're just going for house is what it sounds like. Sure. Yeah. Yeah, that's that's right
31:09
Yeah, these kids are not gonna they're not gonna grow up
31:14
Doesn't matter what the market is
31:16
Yeah, between the asbestos and the dangerous house they live in they're not making it much further
31:21
I don't think so. Um, what kind of uh, what kind of taxidermy an animal would you like?
31:26
Do you do like different animals in like different poses or is it just kind of the most natural pose?
31:32
I personally would prefer a platter push in the warrior pose like the yoga position the yoga position
31:37
Okay, okay
31:39
That's pretty cool. I think that's something we can do the finding the platter post might be a little bit difficult
31:43
So if anybody can do it, I think it's you I sure that I can but if for some reason
31:48
I can't manage to source that platter push
31:51
Is it okay if I take a dead beaver in a dead duck and kind of do work a work a little magic kind of
31:57
Yeah, Frankenstein that Frankenstein
31:59
Yeah, if you need to I mean as long as it looks good. That's all I care about
32:03
Okay, at the end of the day, I needed to look good and I need asbestos
32:06
Oh, you're just going for the asbestos
32:08
What do you do with these asbestos? Just uh sniff it like a candle. Yeah
32:13
Kind of spread it throughout the house insulate a little bit. Yeah, maybe just light it on fire
32:18
You you put it you you go in I know you like the asbestos on fire
32:22
Well, I try to get the fumes kind of isn't it isn't it uh
32:26
Classically fire retardant. I think that was the whole selling point originally actually
32:30
It doesn't work well
32:43
You're like man, this doesn't catch fire they should really use this as insulation
32:46
This would be great for stopping house fires and you can eat this stuff too like man
32:52
But yeah, that's what I'm doing. I'm uh, I'm coming to a kid's birthday party
32:55
I'm somebody that's bearing gifts and yeah, if I if I can decorate your home
32:59
I'd love to pass my name along you make it sound like a business and really that's my only question
33:04
How do you make a profit? Is it just you kill the people in the house and then you sell the house?
33:08
Yeah, yeah, what I'm doing is while they're so while they're so interested in the uh,
33:13
Let's call it a unique decorating job that I've done. I sneak back into their office area
33:18
Go through the sad little desk they have looking for their will and I just that's not a child
33:23
Not not a child. It's not a kid named will I ask will to find the office for me
33:27
And then then I send him on his way
33:30
But I just write my name just in big bold letters
33:34
Yellow highlighter on the wheel just says allen for allen give it to him
33:39
And that's legally binding the judge is like, yeah, this makes sense
33:41
This is yeah, I've I've got a witness. I use will as a witness
33:46
Uh, you go to you don't you don't find upsetting judges to do this to you
33:50
No, no, that's good. I like the thought of you dress as a middle eastern person biblical middle eastern person
33:57
Yeah, biblical middle eastern person not like
33:59
Oh, um, hope this plane's gonna fly
34:05
Not like that
34:07
Keep it light, you know
34:09
But there you go three things you can do at a kid's birthday party
34:11
Don't even get invited to a birthday kid's birthday party show up fine one
34:14
That happened they happen in all the time here at questability tour we value
34:19
Information and knowledge above anything else knowledge is power and we love to be powerful
34:25
Right, we sit here. We're sitting here flexing our muscles at each other right now showing how powerful we are just sweating
34:32
Yeah, just sway we look we look like apes in heat right now. It's
34:39
Look like and feel like it
34:43
Which is convenient because today we are going to let the qt npr guys talk about a helicopter that turned on a bunch of
34:51
Alligators. Oh, thank god. Yeah. Oh, thank god. So let's uh, let's jump on there with them
35:08
Welcome to cutie npr. My name is acusius and I'm joined here with on hondro and evanescence
35:14
Today we have a very interesting story one that
35:17
Everybody can understand and relate to evanescence. What is today's story? Thank you, sakesius
35:24
today's story is about
35:27
An owner in australia of a crocodile farm says that
35:31
Mating season has started early this year. Thanks to the males being put into an amorous mood
35:37
By the presence of military helicopters now everybody here understands getting turned on by power
35:44
I
35:47
Believe crocodiles to be no different in this sense who here has not been turned on
35:53
By the power of helicopters flying above them
35:57
At the end of the star spangled banner at a football game a man in uniform
36:03
The movie black hawk down nothing gets me jazzed up
36:08
Better better than
36:17
And nothing gets me jazzed up i'm asexual
36:24
Oh
36:26
Uh, alan hondro, um, you were there on the scene with these horny alligators
36:33
How sexy was it?
36:35
How sexy
36:39
How absolutely sexy was it?
36:53
How absolutely sexy was it when those helicopters made their way over?
36:57
Yes, zackiesius evanescence. I'm here at the alligator farm and let me just tell you things are bad
37:15
After a flyover by just a just a riveting riveting apache helicopter
37:22
I've just got alligators on top of alligators
37:24
I'm just sweating
37:28
Absolutely in heat they're running around in circles. They got nowhere to go
37:33
But they know where they want to be and where they want to be is the landing pad for that helicopter
37:43
Alan hondro is it true that
37:46
While alligators and crocodiles do not possess horns, they could be considered horny
37:51
Uh hondro, what did the pilot of the apache helicopter say in your interview with him? Did he do this on purpose?
38:01
Yeah, um, we spoke with the pilot as soon as he landed and I think it's safe to say he was rattled
38:07
Um, obviously this wasn't done on purpose, but the pilot did say
38:11
In a weird way, he was flattered. Never has he had so many creatures so interested in him
38:17
We had to set the man down and let him know that the alligators were in fact not interested in him
38:22
But his chopper
38:25
Sounds like a hateful misery
38:27
Yeah, who's to say? I assume he wanted his wife to be interested in his chopper too
38:34
And much like the opposite of Icarus he flew too low. Uh, he did take out multiple trees
38:40
And the chopper was no longer flyable after this last pass he took
38:47
Oh, he flew for multiple times
38:50
He knew what he's doing. He knew after the first time
38:55
Crocodiles spinning around in circles saying he made a pass at me. He made a pass at me
39:02
You could really call those
39:04
Alligators and crocodiles
39:06
at that point
39:08
Because didn't didn't that article say that it was all male alligators
39:14
Yes, it was it was all male alligators
39:16
I believe the female alligators were were driven from the farm after they realized they could not compete
39:24
With the helicopter that is true and it's a sad story continued
39:28
Because now they cannot get these crocodiles and alligators to breed
39:33
They are asking for people with helicopters for assistance
39:36
To maybe do flyovers
39:39
But it also does bring up an interesting an interesting topic is can alligators marry helicopters
39:46
And I think it's something that we've been turning a blind eye to we've never had to address it, but
39:52
After this incident in Australia, I feel like something needs to be said. This is a very polarizing topic
39:59
Transpeeching mechanical marriage people on both sides
40:02
Some people saying that it's unnatural some saying that have you ever seen a helicopter in a gator make love? It's beautiful
40:11
Just blades and tails going everywhere
40:16
Where does the alligator start in the helicopter?
40:19
In the helicopter
40:27
What are some of the the groups that agree and disagree with the union between
40:33
reptile and helicopter because I know of one group called a reptile dysfunction
40:39
That does not believe
40:42
Does not believe
40:43
That crocodiles and alligators should be breeding with helicopters
40:47
There's a second group that has come up against this as well called hell no copters
40:56
They are fiercely against any mating of helicopters in anything honestly
41:01
It seems to be the stance they've taken
41:04
And on the flip side of that there's a group that's risen up in support of it the helichompters
41:11
They love to see the union of the chomping animals
41:14
They want to let those alligators and crocodiles get all up in that cockpit
41:20
Of course
41:22
But it's safe to say that the government needs to take a stand either way on this otherwise riots
41:29
And angry crocodiles and people will litter the streets. Let's say you
41:36
Joe nacho biden, who's the australian president australian joe biden?
41:41
Whoever you are
41:44
You anonymous person
41:47
Pretty sure it's paul hogan who plays crocodile dundee
41:53
But it is something that everybody has an opinion about do you believe that the union is unnatural?
42:00
Or do you believe that it's okay that these alligators and crocodiles got their jimmies rustled in the lendown under?
42:06
I think something that's a problem that's going to arise
42:09
Is what will the female alligators do? Who will they go to for comfort? What?
42:15
Aircraft oh, we need to fly over them
42:17
I'm thinking a crop duster
42:20
A croc duster
42:22
We need to fly over a croc duster
42:34
Where will you take us to?
42:36
Here at questionable detour in pr. We are objective and we own the report
42:40
But be assured that we have our own opinions for evanescence and on hundro. I'm zack easyus. Good night
42:58
Oh men, well there you go
43:00
They say knowledge is power and a bunch of crocodiles and alligators getting turned on by some helicopters
43:06
Why do we not hear about that on regular news?
43:10
They only want to talk about the bad stuff. They mainstream media is a fraud. This is what we really want to hear about
43:16
I don't want to hear about the israeli palestinian conflict. Give me gators and choppers. Yeah
43:22
Want to hear about some turned on gators, but thank you qdmpr really really classin up our podcast like
43:28
I don't who knows where our podcast would be without those guys. I think I think uh, sometimes when we
43:35
Sometimes when our program gets a little lowbrow
43:38
And that we know that doesn't happen all the time
43:40
But sometimes when it does we have to remind other people that
43:43
Hey, qdmpr is the flip side of this coin right? I mean it's yin yang. That's right. That's right
43:50
the balance of life they keep us humble like
43:54
but uh
43:55
Speaking of the intelligence of this podcast some people have written in asking for advice
44:02
We are known worldwide to be the three wisest men on this planet
44:07
Qdmpr might be the smartest. That's right, but we are the wisest
44:11
So let's give some people some advice legally binding advice legally
44:16
Good point if you write in to the question will you tour podcast and we give you advice you have to do it
44:21
Legally binding you have to do it. You have to do it at least one but three is a bonus
44:26
Can do all three but uh, let's jump into that. Let's give some people some advice
44:35
I need help all right, so our first piece of advice comes from none other than our old friend john drow
44:41
Yeah, john drow friend of the podcast program. Uh, he writes in says dearest detourists
44:46
Thank you for your phenomenal advice for dealing with the bizarre bathroom situation from a couple weeks ago
44:51
That said a new situation has arisen that I think could benefit from your wisdom a small part of my job involves testing code blue
44:58
Buttons and hospitals which are used by clinical staff to send out an emergency message to our response team when a patient goes into cardiac arrest
45:05
Important he sounds important. Sounds like an important job as someone also in the hospital it
45:11
You sound like you do more important things than me
45:13
Um before testing these buttons, I always send out an announcement to alert the code blue response teams that I will be testing
45:20
So that they don't come running however, there's often one at least one person who misses that memo and come sprinting into the room
45:26
I am testing in they tend to get pretty huffy when they realize no one is dying
45:30
How do I smooth things over with the doctors who are mad at me for having a heartbeat? Thanks john drow conflict resolution
45:37
You come to the right place for it
45:39
So basically I think if I'm getting this right he works on code blue
45:44
A technology that if somebody you know flat lines somebody's nine it sends a code out. Well, it seems like in his case
45:50
It might not always be accurate and those doctors get kind of peeved when they come in they got a living person
45:55
Yeah, yeah, which for health care. That's got to be the most annoying thing
46:00
I gotta say though you're a doctor your your job is keeping people alive if you walk in a room and see a living person
46:06
You should be happy. Yeah, you're doing your job. You're doing your job and your paycheck is still right there
46:12
Yeah, yeah success in the bed right there. You know like what else can you want so?
46:17
conflict resolution um well john drow for me you seem like you have an important job
46:22
I guess alarms that are basically crying wolf can be annoying. So here's what I say john drow
46:28
Don't let them cry wolf anymore. Don't let false
46:31
Alarms go off anymore go around and start unplugging
46:36
Machines that are keeping people alive if those doctors are annoyed when they come in that room that coding room
46:43
And there's a living person that bed. Don't let that happen anymore go around start unplugging machines start pressing buttons start yanking on tubes
46:51
Actually have a bunch of codes go off in the hospital
46:54
A bunch of people flatlining that way those doctors every time that code goes off
47:00
They know 100 percent something has happened
47:04
Will they follow the pattern and realize that john drow is the one going to each of these every every room john drow goes in
47:12
There's a code maybe i don't know how smart your hospital is john drow
47:16
But i'm just saying they seem like they're annoyed that there's living people in those rooms make it so there's not living people in those rooms
47:22
That's smart. So there's no more false alarms because everything's an alarm. Yeah. Yeah, I like that
47:28
There's no room for false alarms if yeah, if everything's an alarm. Yeah, that's exactly that's exactly my thought process for john drow
47:35
I was thinking kind of this similar
47:38
Similar idea, um, if you accidentally set one of those alarms off, you know that doctor's gonna come running
47:43
You know, he's gonna be mad go ahead and wound yourself
47:48
Make a couple of uh
47:50
Well-placed incisions on your body let the blood flow. Yeah, um that doctor
47:55
Um, Hippocratic oath says I think he's got to do
48:00
Whatever he can to get in there and fix you up
48:02
He won't be worried about who set off the alarm and why because he's gonna walk in there and see exactly why
48:08
There's a guy bleeding all over this floor cut his femoral artery with a butcher's knife
48:14
Try to dig in his body and find his pancreas, you know
48:18
I think that's a good. I think it's a good idea. Give him another reason to be me there, you know
48:21
Yeah, if it's a false alarm just go in there and self harm and just think about how he's gonna go home and
48:27
He's gonna think he saved a suicidal person. Yeah, he's gonna question while the suicidal persons continue and coming back to work
48:33
Why they work there? Yeah
48:35
And why they keep on doing it, but I one step at a time, you know, it's nobody ever said long-term thinking is a good thing
48:41
Short term short term short term. I think I think that's good. Yeah
48:44
Well, you have is what should john drow do in this conflict between he and peeved doctors just off the dome
48:50
I think what he needs to do is gather the entire hospital into the room that he's testing
48:56
Bring cupcakes some kind of dessert
48:58
Yeah, some balloons some party favors
49:01
That way whenever someone does storm in the room make it look like you wanted them to come in, you know
49:07
They would make it like a party for them. Yeah, like a little little party for them because like oh
49:13
You were responding to this alarm actually happy birthday. Yeah
49:16
Um, then they won't be mad at you because you have cupcakes dessert and the entire hospital is
49:22
Hospital staff is now sidetracked with you in this room. Um, not tending to the patients, but uh, I think it's worth it
49:30
Uh, a little hit to patient care a little dip in patient care isn't gonna hurt the hospital
49:35
You know, but mending a relationship between an upset doctor and someone just trying to do their job
49:41
That's priceless. What's more important saving the lives of the living or saving the lives of somebody that
49:47
Survival the fittest didn't appreciate exactly
49:50
I think what you could do also for this doctor is you just you move all the important people in the hospital in that room
49:56
So that he walks in and sees them there and then maybe the people who do other jobs in the hospital
50:00
You let them do the doctor's jobs
50:02
Like the the receptionist. Yeah back there the janitor let him uh, let him give him a few ccs of something
50:12
Just give him a few ccs. Just what just give him something
50:18
It's careful, you know
50:21
But I think that's good too because one of two situations will happen when you do this method either
50:27
Every time a code alarm goes off. You're gonna have everybody in the hospital in that room
50:33
You know thinking it's another like party or people are getting so annoyed nobody comes at all
50:39
Because they're like I don't have time for another party right now. You win either way. Yeah, so yeah, you don't have to face the doctor
50:45
That's the point
50:47
Jondro said nothing about saving the people just that he wanted to smooth it over with
50:51
Hey, he's not jondro's not a doctor. He just works at the hospital. He could care less what happens to these guys
50:56
He didn't take the physician's hypochritic oath. He just is working the alarms. It's not on him
51:01
I don't think they took an oath. Well, yeah, there you go jondro. Legally. You have to choose one of these
51:06
good luck
51:09
Choose one of them choose all of them
51:11
It's up to you, but you have to choose one of them
51:13
But I hope that works out for you. Let us know obviously, uh, which which one you choose
51:18
Um, which one works best for you, but I think y'all thank you jondro
51:22
Right man letting us letting us give wisdom
51:25
What is what does uh jondro get from the gas station when he wakes up on a saturday morning early before going into the job site
51:33
Funions fun. Yeah funions
51:36
Uh hostess twinkie. Yeah
51:38
Then probably a mountain monster energy drink
51:41
Yeah, I think the breakfast of champions, but speaking of wisdom
51:45
We have two little whisms we have to give left. It's the traditional one-liner wisdom. What do y'all got?
51:51
When you grow old you can either be a grandfather
51:54
Or you could be a grandfather. I think that I think that's so wise. I don't understand you can be like a grandfather or a grandfather
52:01
Okay, okay. It's just how you emphasize it. I understand. I understand
52:05
All right, Alan what you got you can always use printer paper in place of toilet paper
52:10
But you can never use toilet paper in place of printer paper. Oh
52:16
Man we love office wisdom. You are gonna that the hard way?
52:21
Yeah, nothing like a little nothing a little ibs doesn't uh
52:24
Doesn't come into play with
52:27
Oh, man, but there you go
52:29
So much wisdom at the end of the podcast people are lucky. Um, how lucky they really are gosh
52:34
No kidding saturday workers if you have advice
52:37
I mean you just solved the advice we gave it's excellent
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If you have a hypothetical question you want us to answer
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Question will detour podcast at gmail.com
52:46
But that's it you guys want to be done
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You
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The
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I'm quick flying the choppers
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Round the choppers round the choppers
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All he can think about is the blades on that chopper
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The humming's got me a little aroused too i gotta say