Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 78. The Grief of Outgrowing Old Versions of You - ITS HARD 😓

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78. The Grief of Outgrowing Old Versions of You - ITS HARD 😓 · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

0:05
Speaker 1: Apogee Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy
0:13
Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana.
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Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to
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Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.
0:20
Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to new level.
0:23
Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
0:26
Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.
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Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self. Today's episode
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Speaker 2: is all about grieving old versions of ourselves, which we
0:35
Speaker 2: all go through.
0:37
Speaker 1: But before we get into it, share really week, Yes
0:40
Speaker 1: you go first, Yes please. Mine is a new TV series.
0:43
Speaker 1: It's called The Better Sister. It's on Prime. It's got
0:47
Speaker 1: Jessica Bield. Do you guys know she is forty three
0:49
Speaker 1: years old. She looks insane. You've been raving about how
0:52
Speaker 1: good she looks. Oh my god. Her body is like
0:54
Speaker 1: a twenty year old not quite like it's mature and sporty.
0:56
Speaker 1: But I just she looks so fit, healthy and strong.
1:00
Speaker 1: But she's so feminine. She's just hot. I just think
1:02
Speaker 1: she's a babe. Forget what she looks like. I need
1:04
Speaker 1: to have a look like justin to well, yes, like
1:06
Speaker 1: There's just a couple of scenes where she like takes
1:08
Speaker 1: her clothes off and she's in a bran unders and
1:10
Speaker 1: I'm like, damn, turky, butt toned legs, like tone, tummy.
1:14
Speaker 1: She just looks amazing and she's a really great actress.
1:16
Speaker 2: Do you think she goes to the gym much takes
1:18
Speaker 2: care of herself?
1:19
Speaker 1: Yeah, Steve said to me, is she genetically small? Do
1:21
Speaker 1: you think she works out? And like, look at the tone,
1:23
Speaker 1: Like she trains hard for that body, and I'm sure
1:26
Speaker 1: she like eats really well as well. But yeah, this
1:29
Speaker 1: whole series is about a couple and they split up,
1:33
Speaker 1: they have a kid together. The sister of this girl
1:36
Speaker 1: gets with the ex husband and then the husband gets murdered.
1:39
Speaker 1: There's a son involved, There's twists and turns. You can't
1:41
Speaker 1: figure out who it is. There's so much that was
1:44
Speaker 1: happening behind the scenes of the relationship. The sister's been
1:46
Speaker 1: paining to someone that she's not and it's just every
1:49
Speaker 1: episode there's so much happening. So she love a bit
1:51
Speaker 1: of crime, a bit of mystery, a bit of toxic romance,
1:55
Speaker 1: and she's being on the edge of your seat trying
1:57
Speaker 1: to figure out who did it, like murdered mystery. It's
1:59
Speaker 1: cool interesting. Yeah, really good. I have to write it down.
2:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, the better sister on Prime my share of the
2:04
Speaker 2: week is is actually something that actually bought for us,
2:07
Speaker 2: which sounds on going. Actually came to me one day
2:11
Speaker 2: and she's like, I got something for you.
2:14
Speaker 1: You know, I'm the worst culprit for getting targeted on
2:16
Speaker 1: friggin social media ads of stupid shit and I just
2:19
Speaker 1: buy it. Get so influenced inluenced.
2:21
Speaker 2: It comes around the friend of stuff, like here's a
2:24
Speaker 2: little beef teller thing for your face. So this product
2:28
Speaker 2: is called her Plus. They're provided gummies or something like
2:31
Speaker 2: that for your pH balance in your vagina flavored pineapple.
2:34
Speaker 2: So these actually I ended up really loving them. I've
2:36
Speaker 2: been using them for like the last month or so
2:38
Speaker 2: since we got them. Both tried them.
2:40
Speaker 1: I love them.
2:40
Speaker 2: I think they're amazing. So there's thousands and thousands of
2:43
Speaker 2: reviews of women who experience better sex, better pH balances,
2:48
Speaker 2: making sure that like they're obviously all good down there
2:50
Speaker 2: and that sort of thing. So I personally have found
2:52
Speaker 2: it has made me a little bit more wet for
2:55
Speaker 2: context for anybody who's listening. So that is one of
2:58
Speaker 2: the benefits of the gummies. Gummies so, yeah, I wanted
3:02
Speaker 2: to share them with you guys.
3:03
Speaker 1: And I've got no sense in it. I'm not convince
3:05
Speaker 1: they work because when I look at the ingredients and
3:07
Speaker 1: I still bought them, and when I buy them again,
3:10
Speaker 1: they're delicious. Any excuse me to have a lolli if
3:12
Speaker 1: it comes in some sort of item, I'm like, even better,
3:14
Speaker 1: it's better for me. I just tell myself that. But
3:16
Speaker 1: when I look at the back of the ingredients, there
3:18
Speaker 1: isn't much in there. There's pineapple flaving, there's smell atole,
3:22
Speaker 1: there's a little bit of sugar. There's not a lot
3:24
Speaker 1: of things in there. Like, it's definitely not a probotic,
3:26
Speaker 1: isn't it. No, And most probotics they have to be
3:29
Speaker 1: kept in the fridge too. Yes, once they put into
3:31
Speaker 1: a gummy, there's nothing alive in there that can actually
3:33
Speaker 1: build your health back up. So I'm not convinced that
3:37
Speaker 1: they actually help. However, I do really like them, yep.
3:39
Speaker 1: And if it helps me tastes and smell better, I'm like,
3:42
Speaker 1: oh for it.
3:42
Speaker 2: That's the big thing, is like it helps you taste
3:44
Speaker 2: and smell and yeah, making sure that your pH is
3:47
Speaker 2: on point basically, And I remember reading on the website
3:50
Speaker 2: and it being from like three female women doctors or
3:53
Speaker 2: something like that have come together to formulate it for women.
3:55
Speaker 2: And I just remember reading the website and be like, oh,
3:57
Speaker 2: that's so cool.
3:58
Speaker 1: Be very good marketing, though it could be I'm a
3:59
Speaker 1: marketer's on moment. Twenty thousand reviews. Yeah, and also when
4:03
Speaker 1: you say it makes you more wet, we will a
4:05
Speaker 1: s when the week of our population.
4:06
Speaker 2: Yes, so we're like true, you know, but also there's
4:09
Speaker 2: some reviews on there like that too.
4:11
Speaker 1: Yeah, So anyway, looks.
4:16
Speaker 2: If you're struggling even with like sex and intercourse and intercourse,
4:20
Speaker 2: oh my god, I've never said that word.
4:21
Speaker 1: In my life. They're delicious, and yeah, give them a go.
4:24
Speaker 1: I will order them again just because they're freaking yum
4:25
Speaker 1: and if anything can help then why not. But I'm
4:28
Speaker 1: just yere, I'm not one hundred percent sure. I feel
4:30
Speaker 1: like when you look into supplements, you go to Flannery
4:31
Speaker 1: as you can really see what's in it, and they
4:33
Speaker 1: call it in the back by a natch path or
4:35
Speaker 1: a nutritionist or I don't know.
4:37
Speaker 2: I'm gonna have a look on the website, but we'll
4:39
Speaker 2: let you guys know.
4:41
Speaker 1: Next minutes, a scam have fake doctors not kidding for
4:44
Speaker 1: the yump. Anyways, moving on, so what are we talking about?
4:49
Speaker 1: Greeting past versions of ourselves and ego deaths and just
4:53
Speaker 1: deaths of our old selves. And this is something we
4:55
Speaker 1: all go through and maybe something you have never reflected on,
4:58
Speaker 1: but we've been through different phases of our lives where
5:01
Speaker 1: have had to kind of let go of a past version.
5:03
Speaker 1: And it can be har sometimes. Even though you know
5:06
Speaker 1: this next level version of yourself is even better. She's
5:09
Speaker 1: more evolved, she's more aware, she's more conscious, she's more flowy, calm,
5:13
Speaker 1: all the good things, there's still parts of your old
5:15
Speaker 1: self that you can grieve. I've had two that I
5:19
Speaker 1: feel the biggest ones of me, and the first was
5:22
Speaker 1: who I was before I became a mother, and there
5:26
Speaker 1: was quite a transition. I felt like, you do almost
5:29
Speaker 1: lose your old self. You have a rebirth. When you
5:33
Speaker 1: birth a child, you are different. It changes you. It
5:36
Speaker 1: changes your perspectives, it changes the way you show up,
5:39
Speaker 1: It changes your body, it changes your life, it changes everything.
5:43
Speaker 1: So I felt like I had to really get to
5:45
Speaker 1: know who I was as a mother and the parts
5:47
Speaker 1: of me that I still wanted to keep around the
5:49
Speaker 1: parts that I did, and I felt like we're maturing.
5:51
Speaker 1: I didn't want to lose the playful side of me,
5:54
Speaker 1: So I felt like I went through a period where
5:57
Speaker 1: I lost all of that and I was grieving this
5:59
Speaker 1: young free like free time, free energy, just end less,
6:03
Speaker 1: do whatever I wanted. I'm sat I love freedom as well,
6:06
Speaker 1: so I really missed that free spirit. I suppose I
6:10
Speaker 1: felt like I needed to be more in control, and
6:12
Speaker 1: I was more stressed and I was more anxious, and
6:14
Speaker 1: I was like, where has that fun, loving, cruisy, sexual, playful,
6:18
Speaker 1: energetic actually gone? She's gone? And is she coming back?
6:22
Speaker 1: And then it was the process of like, Okay, maybe
6:24
Speaker 1: she is gone and she's been rebirthed, but how can
6:26
Speaker 1: I get to know this new version of myself? Who
6:28
Speaker 1: do I want to be? I still want to be playful,
6:30
Speaker 1: I still want to be in touch with my sexuality.
6:32
Speaker 1: I still want to have fun. But it's just going
6:33
Speaker 1: to look and feel different. And it's changed at the
6:37
Speaker 1: different ages of my kids as well. Like the first
6:39
Speaker 1: two or three years at Tarj was just tough. She
6:42
Speaker 1: wasn't there.
6:42
Speaker 2: She was like keeping above water, she was deep in it.
6:45
Speaker 1: Literally just surviving like I was floating in an ocean
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Speaker 1: full of sharks ready to be eaten. I don't know
6:51
Speaker 1: that's a really bad analogy, but I'm.
6:53
Speaker 2: Sure that's how it would have felt in the moment
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Speaker 2: it did.
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Speaker 1: I felt like I was just surviving, not thriving, Whereas
6:57
Speaker 1: with Tala, I found I was just way more regulated
7:00
Speaker 1: and I didn't feel like that full death, but I
7:02
Speaker 1: did feel like a new and more evolved version was
7:05
Speaker 1: and I was just more conscious, careful of my energy,
7:07
Speaker 1: and more confident in who I was. And then the
7:10
Speaker 1: second one was when I decided to give up on
7:13
Speaker 1: my career in the Finnis industry, and that was uncomfortable,
7:18
Speaker 1: even though I knew it was the right decision. Like
7:20
Speaker 1: things can be the right decision, it doesn't mean it's
7:23
Speaker 1: not going to be uncomfortable. So you can make move
7:26
Speaker 1: big Bob moves, make big decisions, whether it's ending a
7:28
Speaker 1: marriage or a relationship or a friendship, or quitting a
7:31
Speaker 1: job or leaving an industry that you know so well.
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Speaker 1: It could be the right thing and still be uncomfortable.
7:35
Speaker 1: And that's what it was for me because I wrapped
7:37
Speaker 1: my identity around being the finness girl, so I'm like,
7:40
Speaker 1: who am I now that I'm not that? Why will
7:43
Speaker 1: people want to follow me? Why would they want to
7:44
Speaker 1: engage with me? What else is there about me? Because
7:47
Speaker 1: people have followed me for fitness, for workouts, for routines,
7:51
Speaker 1: for health tips, for food, for recipes. So I had
7:54
Speaker 1: to get to know who I was and then be
7:56
Speaker 1: able to show up authentically to who I was then
7:59
Speaker 1: and there, not just continue posting workouts because that's what
8:02
Speaker 1: everyone had known me for. But it was a massive
8:05
Speaker 1: death of my old self and it was hard to
8:07
Speaker 1: let go of. But I think I moved through that
8:09
Speaker 1: quite quickly because I loved who I was outside of
8:12
Speaker 1: the fitness industry, but I had to take space to
8:15
Speaker 1: figure out who that was and what I enjoyed and
8:18
Speaker 1: what I wanted to do moving forward. I found that
8:20
Speaker 1: more enjoyable as well as greeting it.
8:22
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like there were a few moments, like
8:23
Speaker 2: few finding moments throughout that process, but I feel like
8:26
Speaker 2: you did handle that quite well. It was just a
8:28
Speaker 2: couple of moments in time where you're like, oh, right now,
8:30
Speaker 2: it's feeling like a lot, and then yeah, we talk
8:32
Speaker 2: about it, process it, you know, and then you get
8:34
Speaker 2: closer and closer to what you actually wanted as well.
8:36
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's like announcing something and doing something. And
8:38
Speaker 1: I remember actually like fully handing everything over to Levi,
8:41
Speaker 1: and I'm so glad that he was my business partner.
8:43
Speaker 1: I could hand it to someone who I know loves
8:46
Speaker 1: it so much. We'd built it together, were't going to
8:48
Speaker 1: just sell it to anyone and take over my name.
8:50
Speaker 1: It was handing it to someone who had helped build it.
8:52
Speaker 1: So I felt really good for that. But it was
8:53
Speaker 1: still like, oh, that's not mine anymore. All that work,
8:57
Speaker 1: all that time, the community, like the forums, the programs,
9:01
Speaker 1: the back end systems, the website, everything is just not
9:04
Speaker 1: mine anymore. And it felt like sad and uncomfortable. But
9:09
Speaker 1: also this is right and I'm excited for him to
9:11
Speaker 1: see what he does with it. So yeah, it was interesting.
9:14
Speaker 2: That was a big transition for you.
9:16
Speaker 1: It was, but it gave me more space to see, Yeah,
9:18
Speaker 1: who I wanted to be, what aligned with me, and
9:19
Speaker 1: what I want to do next, which has been part
9:21
Speaker 1: of the podcast, and giving some more energy to hide away.
9:23
Speaker 1: And it's been fun. I love it.
9:25
Speaker 2: You've come more and more into yourself. You've let all
9:28
Speaker 2: of these old chapters and things that aren't really feeling
9:31
Speaker 2: like not aligned, but not where you want to direct
9:33
Speaker 2: your energy anymore. Yeah.
9:34
Speaker 1: I love teaching, I always do, and I still love fitness,
9:37
Speaker 1: and if I got asked to run a big boot
9:39
Speaker 1: camp on stage or something, I'll probably say yes. But
9:41
Speaker 1: it's not all of who I am, and it's not
9:42
Speaker 1: all of what I wanted to do anymore. The podcast
9:45
Speaker 1: gave me a platform and a voice to be able
9:47
Speaker 1: to talk about other things that are really important to me,
9:49
Speaker 1: because it's not just about health and fitness. There's so
9:51
Speaker 1: much more to me and to life than just talking
9:54
Speaker 1: about food and exercise. So it's really cool that I
9:57
Speaker 1: can still have that passion and there's still a high
9:59
Speaker 1: value of mine, but I could talk about so many
10:00
Speaker 1: other things that are important conversations to have with women.
10:04
Speaker 1: So yeah, it's so beautiful as well.
10:05
Speaker 2: The way you've described it is like there's this grieving
10:08
Speaker 2: process but it's also equal parts beauty.
10:10
Speaker 1: Yeah, a duality, right, Yeah.
10:12
Speaker 2: Yeah, it sounds like you've had that moment where you've
10:14
Speaker 2: had to grieve and let go and be willing to
10:17
Speaker 2: let go of the certainty of something yes, to go
10:20
Speaker 2: into the unknown definitely come out on the other side
10:22
Speaker 2: of something really beautiful.
10:23
Speaker 1: And there's the financial side of it too. Yeah, anyone
10:26
Speaker 1: in a career transition or you start a business or
10:29
Speaker 1: give up a full time job to go out, card
10:30
Speaker 1: at your side, hustle or whatever, like that's a big thing. Yeah,
10:34
Speaker 1: let go of as well. There's so many layers to
10:36
Speaker 1: letting go of the old version of yourself that you
10:38
Speaker 1: have to work through and take risks and back yourself
10:41
Speaker 1: and just on a where you're.
10:42
Speaker 2: At right now and trust that you're making the right discay.
10:44
Speaker 1: Yeah, moment you know in your body though we always
10:46
Speaker 1: say this, when you actually stop, take a moment, slow down, breathe,
10:51
Speaker 1: just like recenter, connect with yourself. The answers are there.
10:54
Speaker 1: And I got all those answers when I was in hospital. Yeah,
10:57
Speaker 1: I had forty eight hours where I was like twiddling
10:58
Speaker 1: my thumbs, no distractions, no kids around. I was like,
11:02
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, this is what I need to do.
11:05
Speaker 1: But I've been putting it off for a while. I
11:06
Speaker 1: remember months before I even found out my brain on nurism,
11:08
Speaker 1: I was just so unhappy. It's crying to Steve all
11:11
Speaker 1: the time. I couldn't figure out why I was waking
11:13
Speaker 1: up not wanting to go to work. Everything felt hard.
11:16
Speaker 1: I didn't feel motivated. Yeah, I loved active wear, but I
11:19
Speaker 1: didn't love selling it anymore. I felt like I was
11:22
Speaker 1: just constantly selling, selling, selling, and I'd built a brand
11:25
Speaker 1: that was off my name and that's how we sold organically.
11:27
Speaker 1: All of it just didn't feel good anymore. Yeah, it
11:31
Speaker 1: was a strange thing to feel. But when you give
11:33
Speaker 1: yourself that space, the answers are there, and then you
11:36
Speaker 1: get a choice if you're honor them. So Mike Drop, like,
11:40
Speaker 1: what about you? What old versions of you have you
11:42
Speaker 1: had to say goodbye to and reinvent yourself and get
11:45
Speaker 1: to know who Tiana is now?
11:47
Speaker 2: Oh, reinvent myself. I feel like I've reinvented myself a
11:50
Speaker 2: million times.
11:50
Speaker 1: I love that. Yeah, but on you for being open
11:52
Speaker 1: to change.
11:53
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's it's hard and uncomfortable, but it's also a
11:56
Speaker 2: really empowering thing as well, because the way that I
11:59
Speaker 2: like to see it is like, Wow, I have the
12:00
Speaker 2: opportunity for me to completely transform the current life that
12:04
Speaker 2: I'm living into some thing that actually feels a line
12:07
Speaker 2: for me and is like the reflection of who I
12:10
Speaker 2: want to be as a woman. You know, Like, if
12:11
Speaker 2: I could look at all the different variations of Tiana that.
12:14
Speaker 1: I've over the years, it's like a whirlwind. I would
12:17
Speaker 1: have loved seen younger vig.
12:20
Speaker 2: God, she's been busy, you know. I think probably the
12:28
Speaker 2: biggest transition for me when I was younger, I would say,
12:32
Speaker 2: the most like pivot one that kind of started all
12:34
Speaker 2: of the other was transitioned from party girl to self development. Yeah,
12:39
Speaker 2: growth consciousness. That was the biggest one. That was the
12:42
Speaker 2: biggest one that triggered all of the rest of them.
12:44
Speaker 2: That's cool, and that was a powerful one for me
12:46
Speaker 2: because I almost went from this version of myself who
12:49
Speaker 2: was one very unaware, very selfish, self led, didn't really
12:53
Speaker 2: care victim, Yeah, victim just was very self focused that
12:57
Speaker 2: I was like, just wanted to do what I wanted
12:58
Speaker 2: to do. I wanted to have what I wanted to have,
13:00
Speaker 2: you know, and everything was very quite self level. And
13:03
Speaker 2: then I went from that version of myself to somebody
13:05
Speaker 2: who started to gain more self awareness, realize myself, realize
13:09
Speaker 2: my patterns, realize my impact on other people and other
13:12
Speaker 2: people's impact on me. And that transition, even though it
13:16
Speaker 2: was a positive one, I went through like a grieving process.
13:20
Speaker 1: You know.
13:21
Speaker 2: It's like I was letting go of the care free
13:23
Speaker 2: this is the story I had. I was letting go
13:26
Speaker 2: of the care free version of me who didn't really care,
13:28
Speaker 2: who had very little responsibility, Yeah, to becoming this woman
13:33
Speaker 2: who now cared about what everybody thought, cared about the
13:36
Speaker 2: decisions that I made, who I impacted, how I impacted them,
13:39
Speaker 2: how much impact I would create on other people in
13:41
Speaker 2: the world. And so it went from like a I
13:43
Speaker 2: almost aggrieved this real like care free version of my Yeah.
13:48
Speaker 2: And it was just a really interesting thing because even
13:51
Speaker 2: though I knew it was going to be good for me,
13:53
Speaker 2: I just had this story that carefree Tianna didn't get
13:55
Speaker 2: to come with me. Yeah, but that's not necessarily true.
13:58
Speaker 2: Carefree Tiana did come with me. She just showed up differently,
14:01
Speaker 2: you know, cool, instead of being careless and reckless and
14:05
Speaker 2: you know, didn't really care for consequences and things like that.
14:08
Speaker 2: I just be honestly whatever, Yeah, it'll sort of self out,
14:11
Speaker 2: that's fine. It was not absolutely not fine, Absolutely not fine. Yeah,
14:16
Speaker 2: the carefree version of me showed up in a different way.
14:19
Speaker 2: And so there was a grieving process of even though
14:22
Speaker 2: that version of me wasn't good for me, I still
14:24
Speaker 2: had to grieve that part of me. Yeah, I degrieve
14:27
Speaker 2: the version of me who loved to drink, who went out,
14:29
Speaker 2: who partied, who you know, loved attention from guys, who
14:33
Speaker 2: didn't take herself seriously. I had to grieve all of
14:35
Speaker 2: those parts of me that actually weren't serving me. But
14:38
Speaker 2: then I got to let that go and evolve into
14:40
Speaker 2: like a more beautiful version of myself, which I'm really
14:42
Speaker 2: really proud of. But I don't think people talk about
14:45
Speaker 2: that enough. It's like, when you're grieving bad habits, bad choices,
14:49
Speaker 2: bad actions, you know, unhealthy ways of thinking, you're grieving
14:53
Speaker 2: that part of you as well.
14:54
Speaker 1: And I'm assuming when you went through that process, did
14:57
Speaker 1: you also kind of have to disconnect from the party
15:00
Speaker 1: friends because you were doing different things. So you're not
15:02
Speaker 1: only grieving your old party, fun, care free Tiana, but
15:05
Speaker 1: you have to grieve the friendships you're going to lose
15:07
Speaker 1: because that's how they connect and that's how you guys
15:10
Speaker 1: have fun and do things. Have to grieve them as well.
15:12
Speaker 2: This is a conversation I actually had the other night,
15:14
Speaker 2: and I love that you said that because at every
15:16
Speaker 2: point in my journey. Whenever I have been drinking, I
15:19
Speaker 2: have lost those friends. But because they're not actually my friends' friends,
15:24
Speaker 2: they're my party friends.
15:25
Speaker 1: So the connections more surface level. It's not like that
15:27
Speaker 1: actually real authentic deep connection at all. Great got at all.
15:30
Speaker 2: Those people were meeting me on the same level that
15:32
Speaker 2: I was at, so migration, Yeah, it was surface level.
15:35
Speaker 2: It was let's go out for the weekend and go
15:37
Speaker 2: have fun and go stay in the city, and you know,
15:39
Speaker 2: we wouldn't even go get breakfast the next morning. Yeah,
15:41
Speaker 2: you know, So it wasn't deep connection getting to know
15:44
Speaker 2: each other, being there for each.
15:45
Speaker 1: Other front conversation instead of yeah, and.
15:47
Speaker 2: Then it's drama, you know, being there through all the
15:50
Speaker 2: chaos and all that sort of stuff. But outside of that,
15:52
Speaker 2: was there really any substance to the friendship. No, So yes,
15:55
Speaker 2: you grieve the version of you who was that, who
15:57
Speaker 2: attracted that, who liked that, and then you grieve the
16:00
Speaker 2: version of you who was choosing to be friends with
16:02
Speaker 2: all these people who weren't really choosing you.
16:06
Speaker 1: Yeah.
16:06
Speaker 2: So that was a really big one for me, and
16:08
Speaker 2: the first one that really changed the trajectory of my life.
16:11
Speaker 2: Like I'm so grateful. I remember going through that transition
16:14
Speaker 2: and thinking, oh my god, I've been sleeping my whole life.
16:17
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm finally waking up.
16:18
Speaker 1: I sleep walking through life, yeah.
16:20
Speaker 2: And just having this new profound awareness of myself and
16:23
Speaker 2: my life. I was like, oh my god, like this
16:26
Speaker 2: is what life's about. Yeah, So that was really cool
16:28
Speaker 2: for me. I would say there's two other ones, but
16:32
Speaker 2: the one that I kind of want to point out
16:33
Speaker 2: is the one that has been the most recent for me,
16:36
Speaker 2: from coach Tiana to more mem.
16:38
Speaker 1: I love this one.
16:39
Speaker 2: This has been a really cool transition for me. I
16:42
Speaker 2: feel like for the longest time in my business, which
16:44
Speaker 2: has been like about four years now, I have hid
16:46
Speaker 2: behind coach Tiana.
16:47
Speaker 1: Explain that who is coach Tiana.
16:49
Speaker 2: So coach Tianna is very like well put together, very educated,
16:52
Speaker 2: know to shit, yeah, very well presented, and it's kind
16:57
Speaker 2: of like the very professional Tiana, if I could label it,
17:00
Speaker 2: you know, like you go into an office well dressed,
17:02
Speaker 2: well kept, speaks well, presents themselves well. And that for
17:05
Speaker 2: me has been kind of like my coach Tiana and
17:08
Speaker 2: my persona. Yeah, and I haven't intentionally meant to do that,
17:11
Speaker 2: but what I noticed is that I was like hiding
17:14
Speaker 2: behind the version of me who was just a coach.
17:17
Speaker 2: And it's not a bad thing, but it was like
17:19
Speaker 2: that became my world. It became my everything, and I
17:21
Speaker 2: really didn't make a lot of space for every other
17:23
Speaker 2: facet of who I am as a woman. And then
17:26
Speaker 2: I started to come and do this podcast and do
17:28
Speaker 2: things like this and show more of myself.
17:30
Speaker 1: And then I.
17:31
Speaker 2: Started to realize that I was almost like grieving coach Tiana,
17:34
Speaker 2: because whilst yes, there is an element of that being me,
17:38
Speaker 2: it's not all of me. Yeah, but I was presenting
17:40
Speaker 2: myself as.
17:41
Speaker 1: All of that. You had to grieve that for yourself,
17:44
Speaker 1: but also your online presence and like introduce these news
17:47
Speaker 1: parts of you, and I know there was fear for
17:48
Speaker 1: you around will people accept this? Like will they like
17:51
Speaker 1: this kind of content? And then when you didn't get
17:53
Speaker 1: as many views whatever, you be like, oh my people
17:55
Speaker 1: want my coaching videos. Yes. And it's been this dip
17:57
Speaker 1: in and out of just being like, Okay, well, I
17:58
Speaker 1: just have to show up as me, regardless of the numbers,
18:01
Speaker 1: regardless of what people may think, like I want to
18:03
Speaker 1: show all these sides for me because this is me
18:05
Speaker 1: and that's what I thought.
18:06
Speaker 2: I had this story that people only wanted to see
18:08
Speaker 2: me as Coach Tiana. Yeah, and so I posted three
18:10
Speaker 2: times a day and I was posting only talking videos
18:13
Speaker 2: on the educational based content. And yeah, it felt easy
18:17
Speaker 2: to do that, easy to be presented as that, but
18:20
Speaker 2: it also didn't feel fully authentic either.
18:22
Speaker 1: Well.
18:22
Speaker 2: Fun, it wasn't as fun. Yeah, I don't get me wrong,
18:25
Speaker 2: I love it. Yeah, I really get a huge kick
18:27
Speaker 2: out of it. Mentally, it stimulates me so much. I'm
18:30
Speaker 2: like fuck, yeah, yeah, but it was becoming less and
18:33
Speaker 2: less fun.
18:34
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're finding the balance of incorporating all of it.
18:37
Speaker 2: I literally thought that people wouldn't follow me anymore if
18:39
Speaker 2: I wasn't Coach Tiana.
18:40
Speaker 1: I was like the opposite. They want to see more
18:41
Speaker 1: of you, and you know, I get to see you
18:43
Speaker 1: behind the scenes and wan everyone else to experience this
18:45
Speaker 1: version of you.
18:45
Speaker 2: And I had a story that, like, I wouldn't be
18:47
Speaker 2: interesting enough to follow if I wasn't teaching them something.
18:50
Speaker 1: Yes, you know.
18:51
Speaker 2: So that's been me on learning that story and really
18:53
Speaker 2: grieving like the persona that is Coach Tiana and knowing
18:58
Speaker 2: that like I can still be Coach Tiana but I
18:59
Speaker 2: don't have to change who I am to do it, yeah,
19:02
Speaker 2: you know, and then showing all different sides of my
19:04
Speaker 2: human as well, and like that's allowed and welcomed. And
19:08
Speaker 2: the more that I've done that, the more authentic I feel,
19:10
Speaker 2: the more myself I feel, the easier it feels to
19:13
Speaker 2: discern who were for me, who were not, and all
19:15
Speaker 2: that sort of stuff. That's really cool a refinement process
19:18
Speaker 2: of that. So I felt like I really had to
19:20
Speaker 2: grieve that version of me, but in the best way
19:23
Speaker 2: because grieving that version of me allowed me to find
19:25
Speaker 2: more of me. Yes, and now the things that we
19:28
Speaker 2: even talk about on the podcast, Coach Gianna would have
19:31
Speaker 2: never shared that, But when I think about what I do,
19:34
Speaker 2: I'm like, of course that makes sense. Like my clients
19:37
Speaker 2: say to me all the time on our one on
19:38
Speaker 2: one sessions how much they love when I share openly
19:41
Speaker 2: about my personal experiences. But do I do that on
19:44
Speaker 2: social media before? No?
19:46
Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely not.
19:47
Speaker 2: But it's when they get into the container and my
19:49
Speaker 2: this softer, vulnerable version of me that I actually am
19:51
Speaker 2: that's really cool. So that's been a really pivotal thing
19:54
Speaker 2: for me recently.
19:55
Speaker 1: That's beautiful. Another thing we want to touch on too,
19:58
Speaker 1: is like not only grieving old versions of yourself, but
20:01
Speaker 1: grieving past relationships. Yeah. I don't know if you've heard
20:04
Speaker 1: this before. I think it's a relationship coach that Steve
20:06
Speaker 1: and I saw. I think I was just asking him
20:08
Speaker 1: questions about couples he works with, and he said, in
20:11
Speaker 1: a male female relationship, when they break up, the woman
20:15
Speaker 1: has normally like grieved the relationship for at least a
20:17
Speaker 1: year prior, so when it comes to breaking up, she's
20:20
Speaker 1: ready to go. But for the male comes a bit
20:23
Speaker 1: of the shock, and then he goes through his grieving
20:24
Speaker 1: process as it's happening. So he's like, you do look
20:27
Speaker 1: like you don't even care, and she's like, I've been
20:28
Speaker 1: caring for over a year and you haven't taken notice.
20:31
Speaker 1: And I feel like in a friendship dynamic, that's happened
20:34
Speaker 1: to me as I've grieved the friendship while we're still friends,
20:37
Speaker 1: even though I know the friendship isn't aligned or isn't
20:40
Speaker 1: lighting me up for Our conversations are different because we've changed,
20:44
Speaker 1: we've become mothers now, we're just going on different paths.
20:46
Speaker 1: We've got different things going to laugh where our opinions
20:48
Speaker 1: have changed, and I've noticed that in a particular friendship
20:51
Speaker 1: dynamic that it just wasn't feeling good anymore. It wasn't
20:54
Speaker 1: anything bad happened, it just wasn't feeling aligned. But I
20:59
Speaker 1: were desperate to make that friendship work, so I just
21:01
Speaker 1: I remember feeling the grief of like I wish we
21:03
Speaker 1: could just go back to how connected were you used
21:05
Speaker 1: to be, But the connection's not there, and I can't
21:08
Speaker 1: put my finger on exactly what it is, but I
21:10
Speaker 1: remember grieving that friendship and then like as time went on,
21:13
Speaker 1: we spent less and less time together and now we
21:15
Speaker 1: don't really talk. There was that whole grieving process. Because
21:19
Speaker 1: you change, they change, the situation, change, life changes. It's
21:23
Speaker 1: just a part of the journey, unfortunately. But reaving relationship
21:27
Speaker 1: dynamics is really tough as well. And I've done that
21:29
Speaker 1: with Steve as well. You know, when I first met
21:31
Speaker 1: Steve to who he is now, he used to be
21:34
Speaker 1: so you wouldn't believe. It's so social, so extroverted. He
21:38
Speaker 1: was the glue. Steve would organize everything without big crew,
21:40
Speaker 1: with a crew of twenty friends, would do everything together
21:42
Speaker 1: on the weekends, parties like events. He was organized a
21:46
Speaker 1: big limo and organize everyone's drinks and like book the
21:48
Speaker 1: restaurants and if Steve didn't go, no one went, like
21:50
Speaker 1: it was him. And now he's so anti social and
21:52
Speaker 1: just wants to be home with his kids and live
21:54
Speaker 1: dad life. But yet there's grieving. Oh okay, that was
21:58
Speaker 1: an old version of him. Now now he's grown involved
22:01
Speaker 1: and values different things. And I remember going through those
22:03
Speaker 1: pros and it wasn't like a, oh, I don't lie
22:05
Speaker 1: this new version. It's like, oh, it's just different. So
22:08
Speaker 1: our relationship dynamic changes then, And I'm sure there's been
22:11
Speaker 1: times where he's felt like that with me where I've
22:13
Speaker 1: changed and gone through motherhood and postpart and depression and
22:17
Speaker 1: then found my spark again and you know, changed my
22:21
Speaker 1: careers and I've found different versions of myself. It's like
22:24
Speaker 1: it can be hard equally as exciting as equally grieving
22:28
Speaker 1: it and.
22:28
Speaker 2: Doing it with somebody else as well, because you're navigating
22:30
Speaker 2: through different people, not just one. Yeah, when you go
22:32
Speaker 2: through your own interunnel shifts, you're experiencing it on your own,
22:35
Speaker 2: you're like, wow, okay, I'm growing. But like when you
22:37
Speaker 2: have another person in the mix, Yeah, you have to
22:39
Speaker 2: get to know each other all over again.
22:40
Speaker 1: Definitely.
22:41
Speaker 2: Imagine it's been like that throughout the seventeen years. Yep.
22:43
Speaker 1: And even work relationships, like I've worked with a lot
22:46
Speaker 1: of friends over the years, and when they don't work
22:48
Speaker 1: for me anymore and the friendship fizzles out, I'm like, oh,
22:51
Speaker 1: that was a work friendship. Oh that wasn't a proper friendship.
22:54
Speaker 1: It was really hard, and I had to grieve what
22:56
Speaker 1: I thought our friendship was. And I had to obviously
22:59
Speaker 1: turn it around to just be like in acceptance and
23:02
Speaker 1: gratitude for that season. Yeah, some people I just meant
23:04
Speaker 1: to be your life for a season or a reason,
23:06
Speaker 1: and that work friendship it was that, you know. And
23:09
Speaker 1: other work friendships have continued on, like Mega worked for me,
23:11
Speaker 1: she's a PA for a while, and we've continued our
23:13
Speaker 1: friendship and it's beautiful. But there has been some that
23:15
Speaker 1: once they have gone and never hear from them, or
23:16
Speaker 1: it's like every now and again, a little swipe up
23:18
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, we're not as close as what
23:20
Speaker 1: we work.
23:20
Speaker 2: That's hard though, when you have that realization and you're
23:23
Speaker 2: like all of that coasty.
23:24
Speaker 1: Yeah, you've just here to work. But that's also Okay,
23:27
Speaker 1: they serve their purpose and did an amazing job at
23:29
Speaker 1: their job when you're better do it without them, and
23:31
Speaker 1: you provided them a job.
23:32
Speaker 2: Now you're just in different seasons. Yeah, and it just
23:34
Speaker 2: so happens that you're just on different paths. Yeah, different places.
23:37
Speaker 1: And they'll make new work friends and go and have
23:38
Speaker 1: those friendships and that might be for a season two
23:40
Speaker 1: and that's cool and it's what it is. But the
23:43
Speaker 1: grief is real. Yeah, that's what we want to talk
23:44
Speaker 1: about and acknowledge because a lot of people don't talk
23:46
Speaker 1: about this, Like I've never heard anyone talk about this. True.
23:49
Speaker 1: Soonet anyone listening to be like, you're not alone. Yeah,
23:51
Speaker 1: we go through this too, do you'll go through this everyone?
23:53
Speaker 1: Many of people are. Yeah, so true.
23:55
Speaker 2: Like what you said about what happens in friendships, I've
23:57
Speaker 2: had that in relationships.
23:58
Speaker 1: We you have it in friendships. I have it in relationships.
24:00
Speaker 1: Talk about this all the time. This is a common
24:03
Speaker 1: conversation with anxiousness around relationships. You're into it, mind's friendship?
24:07
Speaker 2: Yes, Oh my god, I'm like anxious Tiana in a
24:09
Speaker 2: relationship is not confident Tiana.
24:11
Speaker 1: And anxious Ashley is not confident in friendship and it
24:14
Speaker 1: stems back to like literally primary school and when you're younger.
24:16
Speaker 1: There so many reasons why we like this, but it's
24:19
Speaker 1: so real and it's so hard.
24:21
Speaker 2: Is I've had that experience you mentioned before around grieving
24:24
Speaker 2: a relationship before actually leaving the relationship. Yes, because it
24:27
Speaker 2: is that you're fighting for the connection to stay plugged
24:30
Speaker 2: in that you're like over extending yourself and you're you know,
24:33
Speaker 2: overcompensating for the other person where they're not showing up
24:36
Speaker 2: or where you think that they're not showing up. Yeah,
24:38
Speaker 2: like keep the glue.
24:41
Speaker 1: To the relationship.
24:42
Speaker 2: And then I feel like this thing happens internally where
24:44
Speaker 2: you just shift.
24:45
Speaker 1: You do, but it can't explain it.
24:47
Speaker 2: No, But it's a long progression. It's like a build
24:49
Speaker 2: up of time and time again feeling something and then
24:50
Speaker 2: you just and you unplug right and then you're just like, oh,
24:54
Speaker 2: I get it now, this isn't it. But that grieving process, Yes,
24:57
Speaker 2: you just know, I think, because it doesn't matter what
25:00
Speaker 2: point in the grieving process you are, or what the
25:03
Speaker 2: reasoning is or how the contact of the situation is,
25:06
Speaker 2: it hurts the same.
25:07
Speaker 1: It does. It is such a good point. It hurts
25:09
Speaker 1: the same.
25:10
Speaker 2: It does whether you're being broken up with and it's
25:13
Speaker 2: the person you want to spend your life with. The
25:15
Speaker 2: grieving process is hard. Whether you're the person doing it.
25:18
Speaker 2: The grieving process is hard. Whether it's a friendship, it
25:21
Speaker 2: doesn't matter.
25:21
Speaker 1: Like the grieving process is hard.
25:23
Speaker 2: Oh, shit is uncomfortable.
25:25
Speaker 1: I remember asking this is so offt topic. I remember
25:27
Speaker 1: asking you, But it's just interesting because I haven't been
25:29
Speaker 1: broken up with. I've only done the breaking up. Remember
25:31
Speaker 1: I asked you, and I asked Steve too, what's harder
25:34
Speaker 1: being broken up with or you doing the breaking up?
25:36
Speaker 1: What did you say?
25:37
Speaker 2: I think I said being broken up with, and.
25:40
Speaker 1: Steve said the same thing. Because you're out of control
25:42
Speaker 1: and you have no choice, So you might want to
25:43
Speaker 1: be with that person. Yeah, and you have no choice
25:45
Speaker 1: but to move on. I definitely think.
25:47
Speaker 2: It's harder, especially if you're in love with the person,
25:49
Speaker 2: predicted the future vision of your life with them and
25:52
Speaker 2: all that sort of stuff. I do think it's harder.
25:54
Speaker 2: But also when somebody else breaks up with you and
25:56
Speaker 2: they're honest with you, it allows you to kind of detach.
25:59
Speaker 2: I feel like if they're honest with you, you can
26:02
Speaker 2: kind of like okay, like I respect myself enough to
26:04
Speaker 2: know that this person will want to be with me.
26:05
Speaker 1: That's okay. You're as conscious as what you are, Like
26:08
Speaker 1: most people would not find that.
26:10
Speaker 2: Otherwise, I find if you're the one doing the breaking
26:12
Speaker 2: up and that person still wants you, you have to
26:14
Speaker 2: have really strong boundaries. I think it's sometimes to go guilty.
26:17
Speaker 2: You feel guilty, it's easy to go back and entertain
26:19
Speaker 2: it because it feels nice and all the things. I
26:22
Speaker 2: don't know that makes sense.
26:24
Speaker 1: It does. I've always done the brain if I only
26:25
Speaker 1: had three partners, but my two before Steve, like I
26:28
Speaker 1: broke up with them, Yeah, and I just felt like
26:30
Speaker 1: I was destroying their world and I felt so guilty
26:33
Speaker 1: and it was an awful feeling. But then when Steve
26:35
Speaker 1: explained it on the other end, it's like when you
26:37
Speaker 1: want to be with someone and they don't want to
26:39
Speaker 1: be with you, you can't do anything to change their mind,
26:41
Speaker 1: and then you feel you don't want to beg for them,
26:43
Speaker 1: but you kind of do because you want them so much,
26:44
Speaker 1: and you'll do anything for them. You'll abandon yourself just
26:47
Speaker 1: to make it work because you love them so much.
26:48
Speaker 1: She's like, it's the worst feeling in the world.
26:50
Speaker 2: Because you're willing to do well whatever to make it work.
26:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then they're just like, Nope, this is my decision.
26:56
Speaker 2: You know something else on the topic of grieving, Yeah,
26:59
Speaker 2: the past relationship of mine. When I left that relationship,
27:02
Speaker 2: I felt like I had to grieve the version of
27:04
Speaker 2: myself that I was when I was with him.
27:06
Speaker 1: Oh yeah. I loved who I was.
27:09
Speaker 2: When I was with him, Yeah, in terms of how
27:12
Speaker 2: I showed up, my level of commitment, all of these things.
27:15
Speaker 2: And then when I wasn't with him, I thought, oh
27:17
Speaker 2: my god, if I'm not with him anymore, I'm going
27:19
Speaker 2: to lose this version of myself. Yeah, And so I
27:22
Speaker 2: felt like, in a way, I actually did have to
27:23
Speaker 2: grieve a version of me that I was when I
27:25
Speaker 2: was with him, because one, I wasn't being my authentic
27:27
Speaker 2: self fully, not one hundred percent.
27:29
Speaker 1: And then I yeah, I had.
27:30
Speaker 2: To grieve yeah, yeah, the parts of me that kind
27:32
Speaker 2: of left with him.
27:33
Speaker 1: That makes sense, Does that make sense? I think a
27:35
Speaker 1: lot of people will be able to relate to that. Yeah. Oh.
27:38
Speaker 1: It's a lot of grief in general, And no matter
27:40
Speaker 1: what situation, grief is just it hurts the same. It
27:42
Speaker 1: does it had the same We all go through it,
27:45
Speaker 1: we all experience it. That's something collectively that we all
27:47
Speaker 1: have to go.
27:47
Speaker 2: Through, and we'll be here crying to each other and
27:50
Speaker 2: grieving more future things.
27:52
Speaker 1: So come join us, Come join us, sir, Thank you,
27:55
Speaker 1: come again, So thank you for joining us. We hope
27:58
Speaker 1: you love that episode. We'd love also if you guys
28:00
Speaker 1: love any of our episodes. If you wanted to leave
28:02
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28:05
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28:07
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28:09
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28:14
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28:15
Speaker 1: can leave a star review and leave a written a review,
28:18
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28:20
Speaker 1: the nice ones amongst some of the not so nice.
28:23
Speaker 2: That's right, and also as well, you know you're leaving
28:26
Speaker 2: a review might be the reason why someone looks at
28:28
Speaker 2: the podcast and go oh wow, yeah, like if this
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28:31
Speaker 2: is you know, feeling lost or feeling like she needs
28:33
Speaker 2: a little bit more support going through something hard and
28:35
Speaker 2: we would really appreciate that. So thanks guys, we will
28:38
Speaker 2: see you in the next episode. Bye.