Latest / Closing Sales in Nigeria - Sales For The Nigerian Business Person: The Sales and Marketing Blueprint / Why Being Likable Isn't Enough to Close the Deal

Transcript

Why Being Likable Isn't Enough to Close the Deal · Closing Sales in Nigeria - Sales For The Nigerian Business Person: The Sales and Marketing Blueprint

0:00
Hello and welcome to the podcast.
0:02
Today we're going to be talking about rapport in sales, rapport
0:06
in business, what that means, why that is important.
0:10
And of course, the reason why we are tackling that today is
0:13
because there are some people who are chatting about on
0:17
LinkedIn, talking about rapport and and the problem with social
0:22
media nowadays is some people have opinions that are not
0:28
correctly formed. But you know, social media gives
0:30
everybody a a mouthpiece. So people are going off on
0:35
social media, you know, yakking what they really don't know much
0:38
about. For those of you who might be
0:41
chilling on socials, but also follow me over here on the
0:43
podcast. I'm making the day's recording
0:45
so that you guys get the 411 on what rapport is, you get the
0:49
correct scope and then how to apply it to your business.
0:52
And of course, this is a topic that is kind of big.
0:56
So instead of making one big one hour podcast, what I'm going to
1:00
do is I'll just chop it up, make some small recordings.
1:03
So today we'll talk about what rapport is and some ideas about
1:08
how to achieve rapport. And then, you know, tomorrow and
1:11
beyond we can start exploring some ideas about what rapport is
1:14
not and maybe come up with some more concrete examples.
1:19
So that's what we're doing today.
1:20
Rapport in sales, rapport in business.
1:24
What is it? Why is it important?
1:28
If this your first time listening to the podcast, then
1:31
hello and welcome. My name is Tavishima Ayedin.
1:34
I'm the host of the podcast. I'm a former lawyer turned
1:36
business consultant and I love solving business problems.
1:41
So that's what I do here every single day.
1:43
I open the microphone and I give you all some business goodness.
1:46
Although I'm making today's recording at home, so expect to
1:48
hear some noise in the background because kids are home
1:52
and the weekend has just begun. And if you like all the things
1:57
that you hear by the time you're done listening to the podcast,
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please subscribe on Spotify, YouTube, Apple, anywhere you
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listen to great audio and tell your friends, your family
2:08
members, and your enemies as well.
2:10
Because if your enemies prosper, you will prosper too.
2:13
I'll explain that later, then let's see what else.
2:16
OK, If you'd love to connect with me, you can call, send me a
2:18
text message or a WhatsApp message on 0806466 2140.
2:26
I'd love to hear particularly from those of you who have two
2:29
or three ideas for businesses, but you're having problems
2:32
getting started and in fact they're trying to juggle 3 or 4
2:36
things, but you're not making significant progress in either
2:39
of them. I've come up with a course to be
2:42
able to take care of that. So reach out to me and let's
2:46
start your business in three easy steps.
2:49
Let's make sure that we pick the right idea.
2:51
After that, we make sure that we validate the business idea and
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prove that there is demand for the idea.
2:57
Because there's no point in starting a business that people
3:01
don't want. No point in starting a business
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idea that people don't want, people don't need, and even if
3:06
they want it, they need it. They don't think it's a big
3:09
enough problem to pay money for. Then after that, we're going to
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come up with a selling system to make sure that you get repeat
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business so that people come back to buy again and again.
3:18
Then also to make sure that they bring referrals to you.
3:22
So they make introductions to their friends and to their
3:25
family members and also to their enemies as well.
3:28
Let's not be prejudice, let's not discriminate.
3:31
Let's take the money wherever we can get the money from.
3:33
So I'd love to hear from anyone, phone number 08064662140.
3:41
Particularly you guys were confused right now juggling two
3:44
or three ideas. All right, so now back to the
3:48
topic for today, rapport in sales.
3:51
Why are we talking about rapport?
3:52
What does rapport mean? You know, so I already told you
3:55
guys, too many people are yakking off on social media and
3:59
they don't know a damn thing about rapport.
4:03
So what rapport means, because people have been talking about
4:07
all kinds of things like rapport is, I ever heard somebody say
4:11
rapport is being authentic. And you know, like, OK, maybe,
4:17
maybe you can say rapport is authenticity.
4:19
But The thing is, at the end of the day, what does authenticity
4:22
mean? And you know, we help, like how
4:25
will authenticity help you? You're in front of potential
4:30
customer, you're trying to close the deal, you're trying to get
4:33
this guy to invest in your startup, or you're, you're
4:36
trying to get somebody's support for an agenda that you're trying
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to move in the village town hall meeting or maybe at the, you
4:43
know, in the department, in the office or whatever.
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And then now you're forming authenticity.
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You know, also, anyway, I'll get to all that tomorrow.
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But essentially this is what rapport means in a sales context
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or in a business context, rapport just means first of all,
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you have two parties or two interest groups and then there's
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a level of ease and then there's a level of comfort.
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That is what rapport means. All these fancy ideas that
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you're seeing around essentially boils down to this dynamic.
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There's you and then there's me. We're both talking about
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something. We're both trying to arrive
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somewhere. I'm trying to convince you to
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come along on something. You're trying to explain to me
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your own point of view. We're trying to do some business
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together. We're in the middle of a
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negotiation. We're in the middle of a
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mediation. We're in the middle of a
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whatever. In every single business
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context, so long as between party A and Party B, there's
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some ease, there's some comfort, we have rapport.
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So why is rapport important? Rapport is important because
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there are certain things that are necessary components to a
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close sale, like we have to hit this thing.
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We just like we have to, we have to hit them before we close the
6:00
deal. And rapport, that dynamic of
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rapport is what is important that will help us to slide
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through all these stages. Number one is relationship
6:11
building. Relationship building really,
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really important if you want to close the deal.
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By the way, some people here relationship building and they
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think we all of us should be friends.
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Like no, we don't have to be friends.
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This is business. I'm not looking for a new best
6:26
friend. Your customer is not looking for
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a new best friend. In fact, if you think your
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customer is looking for a new best friend, that you guys are
6:32
getting along and all that, I hate to tell you this, but you
6:36
will severely the level of heartbreak that will catch you.
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It will surprise you. It will surprise you.
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And I've seen it happen to people a lot like, oh, that was
6:45
a good meeting, got along well, blah, blah, blah.
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I think this guy is my friend, she's my friend, blah, blah,
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blah. But once the business deal
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finishes, like what happened? I thought we were friends.
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I thought we were buddies. Nobody's looking for a friend.
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I beg. It's business.
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People have a problem they're trying to fix.
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They have a solution that they're looking for or they're
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trying to make money. So this one is not friendship.
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So rapport does not mean friendship.
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Relationship building does not mean friendship.
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So stop thinking that you have to be people's friends.
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But however you are in a relationship, relationship does
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means. OK, I'll explain it now.
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I was going to say relationship means when are they relate.
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But my father were alive, he would tell me, Tava Shima, you
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don't use secular definitions. Remember the first time he told
7:38
me that I was thinking I was like in primary school.
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So it was a circular definition because I was thinking of
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circles. My father said a circular
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definition is when you try to define a word by using that word
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itself. So you can't say relationship
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means or not. They relate what?
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Sure. Whenever both of you are in a
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certain, I'll put no, since I don't want to say real relation.
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OK. You guys are in a certain
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standing do have certain a certain orientation towards a
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common goal. So because of that, you have to
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build some kind of OK, if anybody's listening to this and
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you, you know my late father, don't be disappointed, I beg.
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But I'm in the fix here. So let me just say the best way
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I can. So anyway, even though we're not
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going to be friends, yes, we still have to build some sort of
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a relationship. So me and my kids, we have a
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relationship. Me and my wife, we have a
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relationship. Me and my students, we have a
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relationship. Me and my clients, we have a
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relationship. So you can see that any which
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relationship did, but relationship doesn't mean best
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friend. That is just what I'm trying to
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disabuse from anybody's mind who is listening to this thing about
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the first time. Also, anybody who is going
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across on who's just hanging out on LinkedIn, on Instagram and
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seeing some funny ideas about rapport don't want to be looking
9:01
for best friend. This is just business.
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Once people collect their money, once people achieve their aim,
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everything go downgrade. And if you are emotionally
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invested, you'll be shocked, you feel emotionally rejected.
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So what was I? So rapport is important because
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it helps to establish business relationships.
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Then without rapport, we're not going to be able to do need
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analysis. Need analysis is the stage in
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the business relationship where you, the business person, you
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the vendor. So let's say you're a solar
9:35
provider or OK, my last client now who is into audiobook
9:40
production. So let's say you're a solar
9:43
provider or you're into audiobook production.
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Eventually you have to get to the point where you start asking
9:48
people some very concrete questions, like the my client
9:52
who is in Audible production. Eventually he has to get to the
9:57
stage where he asks people, oh, what stage of the book writing
10:00
process are you at? OK, when did you publish?
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Can I have a look at the manuscript?
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Who is the ideal audience? How much sales have you done so
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far? How much traction does the book
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have? What are the projections you're
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working with? Where do you want the books to
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be featured in? What kind of platforms are you
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looking towards? You know, what's your goal for
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this audio book that we're going to begin.
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So you can see now that if you do not achieve a certain level
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of rapport, these kind of questions will be like, like who
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are you? Like why are you asking me this
10:30
kind of question? Why are you asking me about my
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sales, the level of sales I've done on the book?
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Why? So certain kinds of questions
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that you need to ask at the need analysis stage are not possible
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unless you have built A7 level of rapport.
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It's the same thing with solar sales.
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So sorry about the noise in the background.
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That's that's just my kids running around.
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Where was I now? So like now solar sales, so
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eventually, yes, you ask everybody some, you know, some
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kind basic questions, you know, how many fridge, how many
11:01
degrees, blah, blah, blah. But sometimes there might be a
11:05
need to go into somebody's office or somebody's home to go
11:08
and do a proper energy audit. Maybe because the things people
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are talking about, you know, the mathematics know they add up.
11:14
So it's a matter of, you know, we actually need to go to the
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house and do a proper energy audit.
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Now, if you've not achieved a certain level of rapport and
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then you're saying, oh, we need to come to the house, who is
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going to be around? You know, people will be like,
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it's a bit much. It's like you're kind of forward
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that you want to come to my office.
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Why? Or you want to come to my house
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because why? So for service based
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professionals, in fact for any kind of professional self,
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whatever business it is you do, eventually we have to get to the
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need analysis stage and we need to ask some very concrete, very
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cogent, very, very, you know, direct questions.
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And we can ask that question unless there is a certain level
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of rapport. So that's the reason why we need
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it. Once we have rapport, we can do
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relationship building. Once we have rapport, we can do
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need analysis. And then rapport also fosters
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trust. Trust what allows people to just
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calm down and be cool. Don't tie their chest in the
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beginning while strangers, you know, I don't know you, you
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don't know me. So if I ask you some kind of
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questions, you know, you, you lock up If I ask you about the
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revenues that you're doing now, of course, the reason why I'm
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going to be asking that kind of question is because I need to
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know where your business is currently.
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So that in this engagement that we're entering into, I will know
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like what is realistic? Where can we move your revenues
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to what should be a realistic goal?
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But if I don't achieve a certain level of rapport, you know, in
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the beginning, that's asking you questions about your revenue.
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You will look up you your mind, you'll be thinking, ah, see this
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*** the guy thinking shop, he's asking me about my revenue.
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So you know how much wants to charge me, of course, you know,
12:56
definitely down on the, you know, if I'm asking somebody and
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the person is saying revenue last month we did 50M in my mind
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I'm like oh, OK, 50 M that's all right then.
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And I'll say so excuse me then and I'll say and this month
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we're on track to break 120 M I'll be writing it in my
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Diaries. OK, correct. 50M120M correct.
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Nice one, nice one, nice one. But beyond that, I also need to
13:24
know where you are in your business so that we can have
13:28
some very frank conversations about what it is that is
13:31
possible. So for somebody that jumped from
13:34
80 to 140 and they're saying that, you know, next month they
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want to move from 140 M to, you know, 560 M, If I've asked the
13:42
questions before, I've gotten a sense of how their revenue was
13:46
growing. You know, we can have the
13:47
conversation to say, bro, I like the fact that you know, you're
13:51
forward thinking and you know you're optimistic.
13:54
I like your horses. But you know what, based on this
13:58
history where we don't establish see the way the growth has been
14:01
growing. So we guys make some more
14:04
realistic projections about where we can take your business
14:07
if we apply this and if we apply that.
14:12
So rapport gives trust. When people trust you and they
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are calm, don't answer your question.
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So this rapport is really, really important.
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Now the other ingredients that are necessary to close the sale,
14:28
but you can see so far from these ones where don't you know
14:31
outline that I've mentioned, you can see that rapport is
14:34
important. No rapport or no relationship
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building, no rapport, no need analysis, no rapport, no trust.
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If you can't do need analysis, there's no trust and then you
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know, build relationship. Then what do you mean again?
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Now chances of this deal moving forward are slim to none.
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So I hope I've been able to convince you guys that rapport
14:59
is necessary to a close sale. And this is how.
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So the question now becomes, how do you achieve rapport?
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And this is where all these people running around on social
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media talking about be authentic, This is where they
15:13
won't help you. They'll say be authentic.
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OK, cool. And then you like the post and
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you share the post and you say deep, deep, correct insights.
15:19
Then tomorrow you're face to face to the potential customer.
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But the only thing you can remember in your head is be
15:24
authentic, be authentic, be authentic.
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Like, OK, how, how? OK, what's the next step?
15:30
How can you be authentic in this situation now?
15:33
And how are you going to be able to channel this authenticity to
15:36
be able to move this relationship along?
15:39
So all these people that are talking all kinds of, you know,
15:42
just Yaniel paths anyhow on social media, they mean well.
15:46
Oh, they mean well, but it's just that they're half baked.
15:50
They won't fully cook themselves.
15:52
They will fully learn, learn the whole thing.
15:54
They haven't learned the whole world yet.
15:58
And so the small that they know, they're just regurgitating.
16:02
So we should be careful, please, the social media influencers,
16:05
the gurus, the whatever that we follow.
16:08
Let's, let's, let's be careful, please, let's be careful.
16:11
But anyway, even if you've been following one of those people,
16:14
you're still on the right path because at least you know that
16:16
you're lacking in some skills and you want to learn one or two
16:18
things. All right, so let me move on.
16:20
Let me stop bashing those people.
16:21
So how do we achieve rapport now?
16:24
And if you if you if you come across Tom Hopkins is an
16:28
American sales trainer. Some of you say, yes, the guy is
16:31
old. He's been he was born, you know,
16:34
during the time of Moses. Yes, I agree.
16:36
So his material is mostly from like 1986, you know, like around
16:41
that kind of era. But still, it doesn't mean, it
16:44
doesn't mean we don't focus on how old the principles are.
16:48
What we focus on is whether the principle still applies, the
16:51
frameworks still apply. That is what we focus on.
16:54
We don't focus on how old this thing is.
16:57
So if somebody comes to you with a selling system, but the
16:59
selling system was created in 1910, the fact that the thing
17:02
was the system was created in 1910 doesn't mean you now
17:06
snubbed the thing. No, you will interrogate it.
17:08
OK, This thing was created in 1910, no problem.
17:11
What are the components of this selling framework?
17:13
What does this mean? What does this mean?
17:15
OK, how was it applied back in 1910?
17:18
OK, cool. How was it applied in its
17:21
original context? OK, no problem.
17:23
Can I apply this in the Nigerian context?
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These are the questions that you will ask yourself.
17:29
So let's not get carried along like all these other
17:31
influencers, you know, over on social media, on LinkedIn, on
17:34
Instagram, and you know, everybody chasing the newest,
17:37
you know, thing. Stop fooling them to chase the
17:39
new thing. The fundamentals are fine.
17:41
The fundamentals are fine. Just figure out the
17:43
fundamentals, learn the fundamentals.
17:45
You'll be you'll be perfectly fine.
17:47
So I'm Tom Hopkins now, by the way.
17:51
I'm sorry. 1 moment. OK, sorry about that.
17:56
It's almost 20 minutes. I wanted to make sure that this
17:58
podcast episode wouldn't overshoot.
18:00
So I set an alarm. Yeah, I should have set a silent
18:04
alarm actually. OK, where was I now?
18:08
So how to achieve commonality? Now I'm talking about some ideas
18:11
that we can trace back to Tom Hopkins.
18:14
But of course, he's he, you know, he's not the end all and
18:17
be all the other people who have different ideas on different
18:20
frameworks and how to achieve commonality.
18:23
But the reason why I just go with Tom Coppins is because, you
18:26
know, his frameworks are easy to remember.
18:28
And of course, since the guy is a sales trainer in the OK well
18:32
was no, he is, I think the guy is still alive.
18:34
So I think so let me go and check.
18:37
So I'm a sales friend and automotive space, you know, his
18:41
frameworks are very simple, easy to learn.
18:43
Anything the guy is trying to explain is usually, you know,
18:45
2233, you know, 2 points, 3 points, not 5 steps, 7 steps, 12
18:51
steps, 15 steps, no, simple, easy to understand.
18:54
So for Tom Hopkins, he talks about achieving rapport just by
18:58
building commonality. Then the other people who talk
19:03
about building rapport by doing active listening, But for now,
19:07
forgive me, no particular author comes to mind, but commonality,
19:11
now it's a Tom Hopkins thing. Active listening, other people
19:14
will talk about that. So commonality, what does
19:17
commonality mean for Tom Hopkins?
19:19
Commonality just means what's similar.
19:23
I'm like you, you're like me. It makes people to calm down if
19:28
you don't believe me. For those of us who schooled
19:32
abroad for a while and who lived abroad for a while, remember the
19:35
first time that you had to leave your university accommodation?
19:38
The first time we had to move into town.
19:40
So I hooked up with this agent or went to go and look at houses
19:47
and I was with my girlfriend at the time, now my wife, but then
19:51
she was my girlfriend. So of course I wonder how to
19:53
come along now because I wanted her opinion.
19:56
So we went out on the bus. Now I was just they move, just
19:58
they move. All of a sudden we're entering
20:01
into one part of town where, how will I put it?
20:07
You know, I don't use my mouth. I see everything but just flow
20:12
with me. You understand what I'm saying?
20:14
Went into one part of town where I was not seeing anybody like me
20:17
again, if you understand what I'm saying, you know I was not
20:23
seeing any Nigerian looking people, no Ghanaian looking
20:27
people, no Ken Kenya ish looking people, no like nothing,
20:34
nothing. And then worst of all, it was
20:39
that kind neighborhoods in Scotland where they used to call
20:45
them Charles, Charles, that's council housing and Vagabond.
20:48
That'd be something like that. You, but you understand what I
20:51
mean, As in people like all these rough, not even cream or
20:55
you both like rough or you both. So as we're going now, as I was
21:01
thinking in my head, my girlfriend now my wife then she
21:04
was my girlfriend. She just gave me elbow.
21:06
I understood very well. So I told the guy that now I
21:09
don't think he said, but you haven't seen the house.
21:11
I said no, it's, it's, it's OK. I just said no, It's a, it's a
21:14
little too, it's a little too out of the way for my, for my
21:18
liking as I would just, you know, go down and move to a new
21:22
place. So that's what commonality
21:25
means. I'm like you, you're like me.
21:28
As we were moving now, I was not seeing anybody that was like me.
21:31
And I was saying, hey, only me. How would I be the only Nigerian
21:36
guy in the midst of all these? And then plus all of them, they
21:39
are now charged again, You know, rough, rough people.
21:43
And you know me, I grew up soft life in Abuja, say hey, do come
21:48
and leave me in this environment.
21:49
I say hey, So that's what commonality means.
21:53
I'm like you, you're like me. We're similar.
21:56
We're cool with the vibe, with the flow.
21:59
That's what commonality means. So Tom Hopkins says to achieve
22:05
commonality, what you do is you engage somebody in conversation.
22:09
Then you now begin to pull out some common themes from your
22:16
conversation. You guys might have some shared
22:18
history, you might have some shared personal context, you
22:21
might have some shared hobbies, some shared perspectives.
22:24
You just begin the highlight them 1 by 1 by 1.
22:30
You know, simple things. Hey, what's up?
22:33
How you doing? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
22:35
Oh, that's your key chain. So.
22:37
Oh, that's your key chain. Oh, yeah.
22:39
So he went to OAU. Oh, yeah, of course I did.
22:41
Correct. What set?
22:42
Blah, blah, blah. And then for a greatest affair.
22:44
And then from there you are flowing.
22:46
And yes, I went to the greatest university in the world above
22:50
and my Wallowa University. That's why I did my
22:52
undergraduate. And yeah, I use that, you know,
22:54
whenever possible, whenever I meet another affair person, I
22:58
just grabbed their body like that.
23:00
So if I'm trying to get any big contract, if I haven't gotten
23:03
any big contracts in a while, that's true.
23:05
But if I'm trying to get any big contract and I turn to any place
23:09
and I see any OU person, oh, forget it.
23:11
I would just gone body on that person.
23:13
That's my new road into the organization.
23:16
So that's commonality. You're teasing out common
23:20
history, common personal context, common hobbies, common
23:23
perspectives. Come on, everything.
23:26
But Tom Hopkins gives a warning. He says don't dwell.
23:30
What that means is just tease it out and then quickly refocus and
23:34
get back to business because some people get make the mistake
23:37
of you dwell in it and you continue to talk and talk and
23:40
talk. Next thing you realize that for
23:44
45 minutes you have been talking about OAU, how was school?
23:49
When did you get in? Was the night life?
23:51
What happened to the vice chancellor, What happened to
23:54
this? What happened to that, blah,
23:55
blah, blah, blah, blah. And then there was somebody that
23:59
I was working with who fell precisely into that trap.
24:02
She was building rapport. But after like one hour of
24:06
talking about the guy's life and their history and everything, I
24:09
was like, oh, you know what? I'll get back to you.
24:11
That one doesn't help you as it is.
24:15
It is also another reason why I say, look, we're not here to
24:16
make friends. If you sit down and you discuss
24:21
with somebody you're doing rapport, rapport, rapport 45
24:24
minutes, one hour at the end of the day, say, oh, look at that
24:29
man, time has flown on actually should be on the road now I want
24:33
to avoid traffic. This is this that that that that
24:35
that you know and no Allah, no problem.
24:38
No, I'll check you, I'll boss you, I'll boss you and then as
24:41
how the conversation dies, I'll boss you.
24:42
They have you help yourself. You've not made progress.
24:47
You've gotten there and you found out that this guy is a
24:49
correct guy or she's a correct babe and you will have so much
24:52
in common. But you didn't live with money.
24:54
I didn't believe with any single sign that shows that you are
24:57
closer to money or closer to closing the deal.
25:00
So you have wasted your time. So Tom Hopkins says just tease
25:03
it and then move on. So how are you?
25:07
Great effect. Great.
25:09
What year did you finish now? Oh, I finished in 1996.
25:13
You're, you're an embryo saying you, what year did you finish?
25:17
I finished in 198181. You know, my father's age, man,
25:22
to have blah, blah, blah, blah, and then refocus and then move
25:25
on. You don't dwell.
25:28
You don't want to do whole thing of how things have changed from
25:31
1981 when he graduated to 1996 when you graduated.
25:36
None of that later on when people have closed the deal and
25:42
you've collected money and you can be getting to know each
25:45
other well, well, well, well, well.
25:47
But for now, just establish and then move on.
25:52
If you don't to believe me, believe Tom Hopkins, Uncle Tom
25:55
has said it. And I've seen too many people
25:58
make that mistake. In fact, I've made that mistake
26:00
too. Talking with somebody for two
26:03
hours, feeling like we're best friends there.
26:06
At the end of the day, somebody else now come and collect the
26:09
deal and then you're sitting and wondering like what happened
26:12
now? I thought we were getting along.
26:17
Anyway, let me move on. So yeah, that's how you achieve
26:21
commonality according to Tom Hopkins.
26:24
So I achieve rapport by establishing commonality, then
26:29
active listening. Active listening is when first
26:31
of all you are engaging the person in open conversation.
26:38
You are asking open-ended questions so that person can
26:41
talk freely. An open-ended question is a
26:45
question that somebody to respond.
26:47
The person has to give story. The opposite of course, is
26:52
closed ended questions that can't be answered with yes or
26:55
no. So any question that can be
26:58
answered with yes, no, or maybe, that's a closed question.
27:01
So we try and ask open-ended questions.
27:04
They begin with who, why, what, where, when, and how.
27:07
Spoken about that in previous podcast episodes.
27:10
For those of you who are new to the podcast, let me just say it
27:12
again. Let me slow it down.
27:13
Who, why, what, where, when and how?
27:18
So when you go to the doctor and the doctor says, oh young man,
27:22
how can I help you today? You see, how can I help you
27:25
today? open-ended question.
27:27
You actually have to start the story that well doctor, you
27:30
know, you see this thing on my head.
27:32
I was quarreling with my wife and you know, she took this
27:35
thing too seriously. Next thing, wow, my wife tell me
27:38
slap. Since then I've not been seen in
27:40
my left eye. You see, to answer the question,
27:45
you have to answer that thing with story.
27:48
So who, why, what, where, when, and then how.
27:52
That's how you open up the conversation.
27:54
So for active listening, that's how you'll be asking the person
27:57
the questions. You know, how can I help you?
28:01
How do you know so and so? Oh, can you tell me more about
28:07
you see, can you tell me more about the person?
28:09
Cannot say yes. No person has to tell you a
28:12
story. So like in my own case now for
28:16
instance, if the person says oh we did 60 million last year and
28:21
well of course not to make 120, you know, I can say OK, tell me
28:26
some more about that. The person that has to give me
28:28
story about what is going on and then you see I will now be
28:34
understanding the situation. So active listening, you start
28:39
with open-ended questions, then you always have to be getting
28:41
feedback to be sure. Oh, so OK, The way I like to do
28:45
is I like to ask or I have to say, if I understand you
28:48
correctly and then I restate. Or some people think that is too
28:51
formal. No problem.
28:52
There are different ways of getting feedback.
28:56
Like my wife, for instance, if she's having a conversation with
28:57
people, even in a professional setting, her own way of
29:00
feedback, like I've seen her do this before.
29:02
Like really. So even now something really,
29:08
you'll get the person to talk some more or you see you're kind
29:11
of getting feedback, shooting your course, what else?
29:16
So anyway, Sha, listening to people, trying to get feedback,
29:20
trying to expand on key areas of the discussion.
29:24
That is what we consider active listening.
29:25
And then of course, passive listening is when you do what my
29:29
wife doesn't like, which is when you keep quiet and just listen.
29:31
Now, typically what happens when my wife comes to tell me that,
29:34
oh, I had a nasty day at the office, I don't like this
29:36
person. I don't like this person.
29:38
What I used to do before was I will tell her, OK, you know
29:40
what, do it like this, do it like this, do it like this.
29:42
But that's when I was young in marriage and I'm still young.
29:44
Anyway, we haven't reached 20 years yet.
29:47
So but I think we'll now call Squirrel because my wife will
29:50
now say why are you taking their side, blah, blah, blah, blah.
29:54
I need you to listen to me. What I need is your support and
29:56
this and this and that. So what I started doing was I
29:59
started trying to listen, but I won't even cause problem because
30:03
you know, she'll be talking and I want to tell her that you know
30:05
what, next time he does this, say this.
30:08
But then something my mind will tell me that, look, if you do
30:10
this, they'll be quiet. So I now keep quiet.
30:12
And then my wife will now start saying that, look, I've been
30:16
talking to you for 45 minutes now.
30:19
You've not said anything. You're just keeping quiet and
30:20
you're looking at me. And then of course that causes
30:22
another problem. But anyway, like I said, you
30:26
know, I'm still young and married.
30:27
So me, I'm learning. I'm learning how to be a better
30:29
husband. That's what we call passive
30:31
listening when you just keep quiet and then you look as when
30:36
people will be feeling now be wondering this conversation I'm
30:39
having is of am I making sense? I'll be this guy slow.
30:43
So do not do passive listening. Don't be like me when my wife is
30:48
trying to complain about stuff that is not going on well in
30:51
other areas of work or whatever. So don't do passive listening.
30:56
Do active listening, engage, engage, open-ended questions,
31:04
try and get some feedback, expand on the key areas.
31:06
In fact, that's what I should be doing.
31:08
That's true. I should take my own advice.
31:10
You know what, I'll try it this evening after she gets home from
31:13
work and I'll give you guys the feedback.
31:15
I'll see if I was able to do active listening.
31:17
Well then the good thing about active listening is, is this.
31:23
When you're doing active listening with people, people
31:25
feel elevated. They feel affirmed, they feel
31:28
seen, they feel heard. That is the reason why somebody
31:33
like my wife would say, I've been talking for 45 minutes,
31:35
you're just looking at me with your eye open.
31:39
She's not feeling affirmed, not feeling elevated, not feeling
31:44
heard, not feeling seen. Now this thing also plays into
31:47
sales dynamics as well. When the customer feels, I see,
31:50
oh, this guy, he hears me, he sees me, he feels me.
31:55
This babe, she understands me. She understands the situation.
31:59
She knows what's going on. Can you see how the level of
32:03
rapport would arise, right? And can you also see why I say
32:08
all these people who are running around on social media telling
32:11
you that rapport is authenticity?
32:12
They're not helping you. They're not helping you at all.
32:17
Authenticity. Also, how do you build
32:18
authenticity? What is authenticity?
32:21
And then how will authenticity help you authenticate this
32:25
business relationship? Please be careful.
32:28
The people that you are following online, be careful.
32:31
The knowledge they have is half baked and they will lead you to
32:33
your own destruction. Be careful who you follow.
32:36
I beg. Where was I anyway?
32:41
So you can see now some of the dynamics that are underneath
32:46
this whole thing when we say rapport.
32:52
But anyway, I trust you get it. The rapport is important.
32:57
Then how do you achieve it? We've looked at 2 perspectives.
33:00
Tom Hopkins, who will say commonality, some other people
33:04
who will say active listening. So OK, it's been 30 minutes.
33:10
Let me not, let me not dwell on this thing too much because
33:13
after all, tomorrow, I'm going to come back.
33:15
And then we're also going to continue on rapport in sales,
33:18
rapport in business again. So Nancy, for today, thank you
33:23
very much for listening. Remember, you have a question,
33:26
comment, or query. You can call me, send me a text
33:29
message or a WhatsApp message on 08064662140.
33:36
And for those of you who are utterly confused, you have 345
33:39
ideas. You don't know which one is the
33:40
best one. You're not making progress on
33:42
anything. You're not making a single
33:44
couple. Reach out to me on 08064662140.
33:51
Let's start your business, your business life in three easy
33:53
steps. First of all, let's pick the
33:56
correct idea. It's not as if we'll throw away
33:58
those other 4-5. We will just shelve them for
34:01
now. Let's gain traction on one.
34:04
Let's gain traction on one. First, we shelved the other
34:07
ones, those ones who come into the sunlight.
34:09
Later on, when we can get the first business standing, we
34:12
validate this first business idea.
34:14
Make sure that there's demand for this business idea.
34:16
Then create a selling system around this business idea.
34:20
When that one is standing there, we can now go back to the folder
34:24
and start looking at, OK, what about #2 #3 #4 #5.
34:29
So that's it. And that's all for today.
34:32
Thank you very much for listening.
34:33
I'll catch you all some other time.