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The Woman in the Mirror · My Sexy Menopause Body

• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: My sexy menopause body.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Menopause isn't something to dread.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's something to own with strength, confidence, and yes, sexiness.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because menopause doesn't mean feeding into the background.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: It means stepping fully into who we are.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: And now here's your host, Kim Nicholson.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get started.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: Picture this.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: You're standing in front of your bathroom mirror, right?
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you're brushing your teeth or pulling your hair back.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_01: And just for a split second, your eyes meet your own reflection.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: What happens in that moment?
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: Do you smile, or do you look away, or do you immediately catalog all the things that are wrong with you?
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: You know, that tiny moment, that fraction of a second, when you see yourself, it's shaping your entire day, your energy and your confidence, and even your desire.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, your desire.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: And so today I'm going to tell you why the relationship you have with that woman in the mirror might be the most important relationship in your life.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, hey, beautiful women.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's Kim and welcome back to My Sexy Menopause Body.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: Matter of fact, you all should say my sexy menopause body to yourself in the mirror.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: It is a confidence builder.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: So, anyway, this is the I always go off on tangents, the podcast where we talk about things that nobody warned us about, but when it comes to thriving in midlife and beyond, this is where you need to be.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: So if this is your first time here, welcome.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_01: Pull up a chair.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: We're just girlfriends who decided we're going to stop apologizing for uh for our bodies and our desires and our right to feel absolutely amazing at this age or any age.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: So today I am calling this episode The Woman in the Mirror.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: And it's about a kind of foreplay that has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else, but it has everything to do with you.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: Because here's what I know after working with hundreds of women over 50 in the last 30 plus years.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: Desire doesn't start in the bedroom, it starts way before that.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: It starts right there in your reflection.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so let's talk some real talk now.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: So raise your hand if this has ever happened to you.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_01: You walk past a mirror, and maybe it's in a hallway, or maybe it's in a you know a um in a shopping mall.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's that full-length one in your bedroom, and without even thinking, you zero in on what's wrong.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: That belly that's softer than it used to be, or those arms that look different and a sleeveless top.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: How about when you zero in on those lines around your eyes that seem deeper than they were even last year?
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we've all done that.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: We've all have, we've all been there.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: We've uh and I used to think it was just normal.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's what women do, right?
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: We critique ourselves, we pick ourselves apart.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: But here's the thing that I have learned, both as a national board certified health and wellness coach and as a woman who has been through this herself.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: The mirror isn't the problem.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: The story you tell yourself when you look into the mirror is the problem.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: Think back to when you were younger, maybe in your 20s or 30s.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: You didn't stand in front of the mirror cataloging flaws.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: You saw possibility, right?
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you'd throw on some lipstick, maybe dance in your towel after a shower, maybe give yourself a little wink and say, Yeah, I look good.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so then what has changed?
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: Somewhere between the hormone shifts, the life changes, and the years of putting everyone else first, that natural confidence got quieter, didn't it?
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: But here's what I want you to hear.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: It's not gone.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: It's just waiting for you to remember.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: I used to feel sexy, was about looking younger and somehow turning back the clock.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: But you know what?
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: That's not at all.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: It's not that at all.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: Not at all.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: It's about feeling alive, it's about energy, it's about how you carry yourself, even in sweatpants and no makeup.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: All right, so you know me.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: I I always like to talk science back, uh, evidence-based, and of course, 30 years of clinical studies with my client uh studies as well, incorporated into that.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: So, because this isn't just a woo-hoo positive thinking, there's actual research behind how you see yourself and why it matters so much.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: So, studies in neuroscience show you that when you feel confident, even it's if it's just because you smiled at yourself in the mirror, guess what?
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: Your brain releases dopamine and oxytocin.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: Those are the same feel-good chemicals linked to desire, to bonding, and to connection.
• 5:44
  unknown: Think about that.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: Your brain chemistry actually changes based upon how you perceive yourself.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: There's also fascinating research about something called embodied cognition.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: And basically, it's the way you hold your body, influences your thoughts and your emotions.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: So when you stand tall and make eye contact with yourself or touch your skin with kindness, you're actually sending signals to your brain that says, you know what, I'm safe, I am worthy, and I am desirable, and I am sexy.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: And here's the kicker.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: You can't feel desired by someone else if you don't start feeling that you're worthy of desire yourself.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: So when I say confidence is foreplay, I mean it literally.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: The relationship you have with yourself and how you speak to yourself and how you move to the world and how you nurture your own body.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: That's where the attraction needs to begin.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: Not in lingerie.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that may help if you look at yourself in a very loving, confident way.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: And you don't need to dim the lights.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: Right there, in that honest moment, is when you need to meet your own eyes and believe that you are worthy and you are sexy and you are confident.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: So here's what I want you to try this week.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm going to ask you to be brave with me on this one.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: So hang in there.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: So when you're getting dressed, brushing your teeth, or walking past the mirror, I want you to pause.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: All right, just for three seconds.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: And instead of looking for what's wrong, I want you to look for what is powerful about you.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: I'm serious.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: Look for your story.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: Look for your strength.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: That soft belly, well, guess what?
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: It held life.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: My soft belly held two babies.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: So maybe literally, maybe metaphorically, it carried stress and joy and everything else in between.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: And guess what?
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: Those laugh lines, they held decades of laughter.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: Every smile, every moment of joy, that scar from surgery, it means you healed.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: Your body fought for you.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: Those strong legs, guess what?
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: They've carried you through everything, raising kids, building careers, navigating loss, celebrating wins, you name it.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: So start shifting from critic to admirer.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: Because the way you see yourself teaches other people how to see you as well.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: I have a I have a client, and we're gonna call her Susan.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: It's not her real name.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: I would never share my client's real name, who told me she hadn't felt sexy in years.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: This is a true story.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_01: She avoided mirrors.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: She got dressed in the dark.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_01: She couldn't remember the last time she actually looked at herself without anything but judgment.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: So I gave her some homework.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: Every morning, before she did anything else, she had to stand in front of the mirror and say one thing she appreciated about her body.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: Out loud.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, out loud.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: The first week she said she cried, she couldn't do it.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: The second week she said, Well, I whispered it.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_01: I I said, uh, I have kind eyes.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm she really does.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: But by week four, she was standing there butt-naked, touching her own skin with gentleness, and saying things like, you know, this body has been good to me.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: And you know what happened?
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_01: Her husband noticed.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: He said something's different about you.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you're glowing, your posture looks different.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: She hadn't changed her body, she changed her relationship with it, and that's what I'm inviting you to do.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_01: So here's something I tell my clients all the time, and it usually makes them stop and think.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: So desire isn't about waiting for someone to light your fire, it's about being your own spark.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: So when you take care of yourself, and I don't mean, you know, green smoothies and workouts, though those matter too, you know, they really do, but I mean when you dress in something that makes you feel beautiful, when you put on music and you dance in your kitchen, when you look in the mirror and actually smile at yourself, you know what?
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_01: Your energy shifts.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: You start to carry yourself differently.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_01: You make eye contact a little longer, you laugh more easily, you move through a room like you belong there or you own that room.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: And suddenly the attraction between you and your partner doesn't have to be forced or manufactured.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: Guess what?
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: It's just there and it's alive again because confidence is magnetic, it doesn't beg for attention.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: Confidence actually is it is naturally attract, it attracts it.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I see this all the time in my coaching practice.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: Women come to me feeling invisible and disconnected from their bodies, unsure if they'll ever feel desire again.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: And we don't start with romance, we don't start with their partner, we start with the mirror.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: We start with learning to be in your own body again, to move with intention, to touch their own skin without judgment, to recognize that woman looking back at them has earned every line, every curve, and even every gray hair, even though I like to cover mine up.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: And she is, guess what?
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: She's absolutely magnificent.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_01: So let's talk about something I call mirror foreplay.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, mirror foreplay.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's not weird or kinky, it's really quite helpful.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_01: And yes, I know it sounds a little provocative, but just hang in there with me, okay?
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: So when you feel good in your own skin, foreplay starts the moment you wake up.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_01: And if you've been listening to my past podcast, we've been talking about foreplay.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_01: Foreplay starts 24 hours in advance, it starts in the morning.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_01: So when you again, when you feel good in your own skin, foreplay starts the moment you wake up.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_01: It's the way you move throughout your day, it's how you walk into that room, it's that little glimmer in your eyes when you know your worth.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: So think about the last time you truly felt confident.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you just accomplished something big, or you were wearing an outfit that just made you feel amazing, or someone gave you a compliment that really landed and it made your day.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: It hung hung in there with you.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: So remember that energy.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: I want you to think about something right now about that would give you that energy, that compliment that somebody somebody gave you just out out of the blue, or how you felt great in that little black dress.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_01: So you pick that feeling, right?
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_01: So that's what I'm talking about.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_01: And here's I want you to think about that feeling and carry that feeling with you.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_01: When you're feeling bad about yourself, remember that moment.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: And here's the beautiful thing: you don't have to wait for any kind of external validation to feel that way.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_01: You know what?
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_01: You can create it yourself right there, right in front of your mirror.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: So every time you pass your reflection, say one thing you love about yourself and say it out loud if you can.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_01: Even if it feels silly at first.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: I love my strong shoulders.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: I have a beautiful smile.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: My eyes are full of life.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: This body has carried me through everything.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yep, I promise you, within days your energy will shift.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_01: You'll notice it, your partner will notice it, your kids will notice it, the world will notice it.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_01: Because when you fall in love with that woman in the mirror again, you become absolutely irresistible.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_01: So here's your challenge for the next two weeks before we meet again.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_01: Every single morning, look in the mirror and tell yourself something you'd want a lover to say to you.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_01: Not something, you know, superficial, but something that's true.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_01: Something that honors who you are.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's like you're so strong, or you have the most infectious laugh, or your body is a miracle, and then here's the key.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: Believe it.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_01: Even if it's just for those three seconds, believe what you're saying.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: Because desire starts with self-recognition.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: When you see yourself through the eyes of appreciation or of wonder or of genuine affection, everything else follows.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: Your confidence grows, your energy shifts, your relationships deepen, and yes, your desire comes back full force.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_01: Not because you've changed your body, but because you've changed your relationship with it.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_01: You're not the same woman you were 20 years ago.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: And thank God for that.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_01: You're wiser, you're softer in all the right ways and stronger in others.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you've earned this body and every single thing that it's been through.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: And she, you, deserve love, starting with your own.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_01: So if you've loved this episode, screenshot it, share it on Instagram, or tag me.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: I want to hear your mirror stories.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_01: I want to know what shifts for you when you start practicing this.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're ready to go, you know, take a deeper dive into feeling confident, connected, and yes, sexy through menopause and beyond, head to my website.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_01: I've got tons of resources for you.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: Um, my coaching programs, and a whole community of women who are done shrinking and are ready to take up their own space.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_01: So thanks for being with me today, and I'll see you in two weeks with another episode of My Sexy Menopause Body.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_01: But until then, remember, confidence is foreplay.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: And the woman in the mirror, she's been waiting for you to see her the way she deserves to be seen.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_01: So now go look at her.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_01: Take a really good look and fall in love with her again.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't the end.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's a whole new beginning.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: This is your time to own your power.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: Rewrite the rules and show up unapologetically.