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211. Confidence: Built, Not Borrowed · Your Enriched Self

0:14
Speaker 1: Hello, my friends from all across the globe, and welcome
0:18
Speaker 1: to your Enriched Self podcast. I am your host, my
0:23
Speaker 1: Lee Noir. I am an emotional wellness and empowerment coach.
0:29
Speaker 1: What does that mean? That means I am your mindset advocate.
0:33
Speaker 1: I am the person each and every week curating space,
0:37
Speaker 1: saving space, providing a safe space for us to have
0:43
Speaker 1: conversations to talk about what you're thinking about, because oftentimes,
0:48
Speaker 1: when you think about it, you're likely not spending time
0:53
Speaker 1: managing your thoughts. You manage portfolios, you manage your account,
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Speaker 1: your home, your family, you manage all of the project
1:00
Speaker 1: you have at work, But when do you manage your thoughts?
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Speaker 1: And so that's what this podcast is all about. On
1:06
Speaker 1: this podcast, we talk about mindset fusion topics from self
1:10
Speaker 1: care to soul care and everything in between. Because I
1:14
Speaker 1: know if you're listening to this podcast, you want to
1:18
Speaker 1: show up in this world as the best version of yourself.
1:23
Speaker 1: And it starts with what you're thinking about and how
1:26
Speaker 1: you move about with the action and the activity and
1:29
Speaker 1: the words that you will speak over your life. And
1:32
Speaker 1: so that's the work we do here each and every week.
1:34
Speaker 1: If you are new here, I want to welcome you,
1:37
Speaker 1: and thank you for being here. I truly believe that
1:40
Speaker 1: you are brought here on purpose, for a purpose, and
1:44
Speaker 1: if you are a repeat listener, I cannot thank you
1:48
Speaker 1: enough for your dedication, your participation, your commitment to being
1:52
Speaker 1: here each and every week, to sharing, to liking, to
1:56
Speaker 1: commenting on this podcast. It is because of you you.
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Speaker 1: The Your Enriched Seth podcast is flourishing. We are over
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Speaker 1: two hundred episodes and it's all because of you. So
2:08
Speaker 1: I want to thank you, thank you, thank you. Now,
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Speaker 1: if you've been following the podcast for a while or
2:13
Speaker 1: if you're new here, one of the things that I
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Speaker 1: do each and every week is I make a deposit
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Speaker 1: into the bank of you, and I do that by
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Speaker 1: way of affirmations. Affirmations are a great way to start
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Speaker 1: your day and to command your morning. And this week's
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Speaker 1: affirmation is everything is unfolding perfectly. Everything is unfolding perfectly.
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Speaker 1: Everything is unfolding per Now, let's get ready for this
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Speaker 1: week's episode of the Your Enriched Self podcast. You know,
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Speaker 1: one of the things that I take pride in on
3:15
Speaker 1: this podcast and even when I talk to people in general,
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Speaker 1: is to help people unravel and almost unlearned some of
3:25
Speaker 1: the things that we've learned along the way. You know,
3:28
Speaker 1: maturing I realize over these years is realizing some of
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Speaker 1: the things that I believed because of the systems that
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Speaker 1: I grew up in and the ones that I was
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Speaker 1: reared in and the one that I was taught in
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Speaker 1: showed me one way to do something, one way to
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Speaker 1: understand something. But I've come to learn as I've matured,
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Speaker 1: that there are other means of understanding, of really getting
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Speaker 1: the insights and exploring what it means to be in
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Speaker 1: this world and be the best version of yourself. And
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Speaker 1: that's really the foundation of this podcast and these conversations
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Speaker 1: is to help bring forward the best version of you.
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Speaker 1: And so this episode is it's one that really speaks
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Speaker 1: to my heart, and it speaks to the mind as well.
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Speaker 1: And what I'm talking about is so many of the
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Speaker 1: things that we've been taught. I remember when I started
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Speaker 1: my MBA program and I was going through the process
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Speaker 1: with the counselor and the advisor about getting started in
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Speaker 1: the program, and they had asked a question that really
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Speaker 1: started to help me understand what this program would be
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Speaker 1: all about, this executive NBA program, and also it got
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Speaker 1: me thinking about things a little bit differently, and that's
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Speaker 1: why as they were interviewing me for selection and the program,
5:01
Speaker 1: I was also interviewing to find out am I in
5:03
Speaker 1: the right program? And this is what solidified it for me.
5:07
Speaker 1: The question they asked was do you believe leaders are
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Speaker 1: born or made? And I want you to think about
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Speaker 1: that for a minute, because everything I had learned up
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Speaker 1: until that point, and maybe not so much up until
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Speaker 1: that point, but for a long time, my learning experience,
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Speaker 1: my living experience, my schooling experience, had me to believe
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Speaker 1: that a leader was someone that was already there. They
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Speaker 1: were born with it, right. There's a commercial years ago
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Speaker 1: that said, maybe she's born with it, maybe it's Mabeline.
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Speaker 1: And I had that thought process about leaders for a
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Speaker 1: long time. Maybe not up until that point, but for
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Speaker 1: a long time I had that thought process that leaders
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Speaker 1: people that you saw out there leading, whether in community
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Speaker 1: or politics or school or whatever, that they were just
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Speaker 1: made for that role. And in that moment, when I
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Speaker 1: was asked that question on the spot, I said, I
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Speaker 1: believe they can be made. And I truly believed that
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Speaker 1: because my new life experiences up until that point had
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Speaker 1: shown me otherwise. I had seen people who seemingly were
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Speaker 1: not leaders, right, they didn't give that leader vibe, they
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Speaker 1: didn't seem to be in the running for that type
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Speaker 1: of role. But when they got there, you know, with
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Speaker 1: some mentoring and some experience and some time, and they
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Speaker 1: were actually really good at being a leader. And So
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Speaker 1: when I think about and I want you who when
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Speaker 1: you think about things that you are aspiring to, things
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Speaker 1: that you've been thinking about, things that you want as
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Speaker 1: part of your destiny walk in this life, when you
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Speaker 1: think about where you see yourself, oftentimes I would imagine
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Speaker 1: that you don't see yourself in that role because you
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Speaker 1: don't see yourself in that role, if that makes sense,
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Speaker 1: simply because maybe you're not experienced enough, maybe you're not
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Speaker 1: under the right mentor, or you don't have people around
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Speaker 1: you to help elevate you to that position or elevate
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Speaker 1: you to the thinking that you need to be in
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Speaker 1: that position. Because see a lot of times we want
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Speaker 1: to get there, but we're not thinking in that direction.
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Speaker 1: We're thinking where we were instead of where we're headed.
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Speaker 1: It's like the saying that says, don't dress for the job,
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Speaker 1: you have dress for the job you're going for. And
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Speaker 1: what a lot of people do is they say they
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Speaker 1: want something, but they act accordingly to where they are now,
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Speaker 1: not where they want to go. And so this conversation
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Speaker 1: today is around that same premise, and it's about confidence.
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Speaker 1: And I think you see where I'm going with this
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Speaker 1: is that I don't think that confidence is something you borrow.
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Speaker 1: I don't think confidence is something that you can put
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Speaker 1: on right. I believe confidence can be built. I believe
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Speaker 1: you can build it, build confidence, You can build your confidence.
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Speaker 1: And so that's what I want to bring forward today
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Speaker 1: is building that confidence. I really want to help you
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Speaker 1: build your confidence because, as we've been talking about on
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Speaker 1: this podcast, and we've I'm sure you've been talking in
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Speaker 1: your life, there are things you want to do, there
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Speaker 1: are places you want to be, their roles you want
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Speaker 1: to stand in, and in order to do that, you
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Speaker 1: have to walk in with a level of confidence. And
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Speaker 1: I say a level of it because remember we're building this.
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Speaker 1: This is not a pre made building, right, We're building
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Speaker 1: this brick by brick, and I'm gonna walk you through
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Speaker 1: today how to do that practically, because that's one of
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Speaker 1: the things I pride myself on. I like to make
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Speaker 1: this practical. I want to make sure that you know
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Speaker 1: what you can go do now to build your confidence,
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Speaker 1: because you're gonna need that when you step into that role,
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Speaker 1: not if you step into that role. When you step
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Speaker 1: into that role, you're gonna need that, and I want
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Speaker 1: to make sure you have what you need to be successful.
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Speaker 1: So the first key point I want to give you
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Speaker 1: is that confidence starts from within. It's great to get
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Speaker 1: external validation, but ultimately you need to have self trust.
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Speaker 1: What does that mean. That means you're waking up every
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Speaker 1: day and you're keeping the promises that you made to yourself. Yeah,
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Speaker 1: you're waking up every day and you're keeping the promises
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Speaker 1: that you made to yourself. Confidence is about the relationship
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Speaker 1: you have with you. The relationship you have with you
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Speaker 1: is a very very important relationship, and that's where confidence
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Speaker 1: starts in that relationship. Here's the hack. I want you
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Speaker 1: to think about confidence like a bank account. I want
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Speaker 1: you to think about confidence like a bank account. When
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Speaker 1: I talk at the top of the podcast and I
10:53
Speaker 1: do the intro, I always talk about making a deposit
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Speaker 1: into the bank of you affirmations. Well, in this case,
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Speaker 1: I want you to use that same bank that I
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Speaker 1: deposit each and every week. I want you to make
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Speaker 1: sure each and every day you are making a deposit
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Speaker 1: into that bank, and how and what you're making. What
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Speaker 1: you're depositing into that bank is the promises you keep
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Speaker 1: to yourself. Because remember, it starts with the relationship it
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Speaker 1: being confidence. It starts with the relationship you have with yourself.
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Speaker 1: And let me tell you what. These promises don't have
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Speaker 1: to be major and there a lot of times and
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Speaker 1: again this is what culture sells you. In order to
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Speaker 1: be you must have arrived at this level. You must
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Speaker 1: be at level one hundred. You must be at level
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Speaker 1: one thousand before you can say you've arrived, before you
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Speaker 1: can say I'm confident, before you can use or make
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Speaker 1: that deposit. I'm going to tell you come down several
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Speaker 1: notches and start with the basics. If you tell yourself
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Speaker 1: every morning before I leave the house, I want to
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Speaker 1: make sure I hydrate. That means I'm drinking an eight
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Speaker 1: ounce glass of water. I'm drinking a sixteen ounces of
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Speaker 1: water before I leave the house, because you want to
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Speaker 1: stay hydrated throughout the day. Because hydration is important because
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Speaker 1: seventy percent of our body is made of water. Right,
12:28
Speaker 1: whatever the case may be, maybe you're on a health journey.
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Speaker 1: It doesn't matter if you are keeping that simple promise
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Speaker 1: to yourself. And like I said, that is really basic.
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Speaker 1: It's drinking water, and you'd be surprised a lot of
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Speaker 1: people don't drink water. But we're not gonna get into that, right.
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Speaker 1: It may be getting up and going for a workout.
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Speaker 1: Right for me, that's a big confidence spot for me.
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Speaker 1: It helps me when I finish a workout, I feel
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Speaker 1: like I've conquered the day already and it's not even
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Speaker 1: six o'clock yet and my workout is over. That's what
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Speaker 1: confidence will do for you. It's honoring that mourning routine,
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Speaker 1: whatever it is for you. Maybe it's quiet time. I
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Speaker 1: don't know what your mourning routine is or what it
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Speaker 1: needs to consist of to help you build your confidence,
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Speaker 1: but it's going to start from within, and it's going
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Speaker 1: to start with that relationship you have with yourself. Every
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Speaker 1: time you make a deposit, you build unshakable trust self trust,
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Speaker 1: and that is absolutely key in helping you build your confidence.
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Speaker 1: Here's the other thing, and this is the one that
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Speaker 1: is so critical to being a confident builder, is you
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Speaker 1: need discomfort and I know that feels not quite good.
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Speaker 1: To think that this effort is part of confidence. But
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Speaker 1: your confidence grows through discomfort. It grows through discomfort. So
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Speaker 1: the thing about it is you've got to put yourself
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Speaker 1: in uncomfortable spaces new spaces. A while ago, I did
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Speaker 1: a post on my Instagram story about what confidence means
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Speaker 1: to me and what confidence means to me as I'm matured,
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Speaker 1: because this is something I learned along the way sharing
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Speaker 1: my gems with you is I can show up in
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Speaker 1: a room a place I've never been, around people I
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Speaker 1: don't know, and I can just be my genuine self.
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Speaker 1: There was a time in my life that me coming
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Speaker 1: into a room of people I don't know, or into
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Speaker 1: a space I'm unfamiliar with, I automatically thought culture created
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Speaker 1: that mentality for me, that habit that when you go
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Speaker 1: into a space, you want to blend in, you want
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Speaker 1: to be like everybody else, You want to you know,
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Speaker 1: fit into the culture of that space. And what that
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Speaker 1: did is that created a lot of discomfort for me.
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Speaker 1: Not discomfort that helped me to grow, but actually it
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Speaker 1: created a comfort for me because I walked in. So
15:27
Speaker 1: what that did is that it created a comfort for me,
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Speaker 1: so I was able to go in and just act
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Speaker 1: like everybody else in a room, do like everybody else
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Speaker 1: in a room, be like everybody else in a room.
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Speaker 1: And I could just copy paste as I went along
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Speaker 1: in the room and moved in that space. But what
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Speaker 1: I learned over the years is that confidence is me
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Speaker 1: being able to genuinely be myself in that room, in
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Speaker 1: that room of strangers, in that uncomfortable new space, and
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Speaker 1: it was okay. I survived. And here's the hack that
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Speaker 1: I want you to think about for this one, right,
16:05
Speaker 1: growing through discomfort. The hack is I want you to
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Speaker 1: reframe discomfort as opportunity. Reframe discomfort as opportunity, and that
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Speaker 1: is going to be what you need to strengthen your
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Speaker 1: confidence muscles. Right that when you go into that room,
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Speaker 1: when you do that presentation and you don't know anyone,
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Speaker 1: that you are going to train your confidence muscles to
16:43
Speaker 1: grow through that exposure of discomfort. Every time you do
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Speaker 1: something like that, you go into a new space. I
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Speaker 1: was talking to somebody the other day that said, you know,
16:57
Speaker 1: I'm finding that I can go and flow and do
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Speaker 1: things on my own without the dependency of others, and
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Speaker 1: I actually feel good doing that. Listen, that's a promise
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Speaker 1: that's telling yourself, I trust you with me, right. I
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Speaker 1: know it's kind of like a third person speaking in
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Speaker 1: third person, but I trust me with me. I trust
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Speaker 1: you with me, you being you, with me being me, right.
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Speaker 1: I trust myself with myself. In other words, and I'm okay.
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Speaker 1: I don't need to always be with someone to feel good,
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Speaker 1: to feel safe, to feel okay about my existence. And again,
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Speaker 1: that's going into a space that's uncomfortable. Most people have
17:41
Speaker 1: to travel with somebody. It's important to let somebody be
17:44
Speaker 1: at their side when they go do something new or
17:46
Speaker 1: be in a new space. What I'm saying to you
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Speaker 1: is you don't need that, and if you are finding that,
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Speaker 1: it's discomfort. Reframing to opportunity. The last thing I'm gonna
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Speaker 1: say is confidence will expand, but it needs evidence. It
18:06
Speaker 1: needs proof, and it will gain the proof when you
18:12
Speaker 1: compound it. Here's how you compound it, right. You visualize
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Speaker 1: your path forward. A lot of people like to visualize
18:21
Speaker 1: the past. They talk about the past. They're around circles
18:25
Speaker 1: of people who are constantly talking about the past. Get
18:28
Speaker 1: you a circle of people who's talking about the future,
18:31
Speaker 1: who's visualizing the next step, who's helping you understand what
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Speaker 1: it looks like to be a forward thinker. Right. The
18:39
Speaker 1: other thing I will say is journal your wins and
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Speaker 1: celebrate your progress. Here's the hack. Here's why. Things like
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Speaker 1: visualizing your success and looking ahead and getting in circles
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Speaker 1: like that to help expand with evidence. Because when you
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Speaker 1: get around people who are also doing things, new things,
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Speaker 1: creating new spaces, trying new things, you see the evidence
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Speaker 1: through them. But I want you to see that same
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Speaker 1: evidence through you by creating these proof points. And one
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Speaker 1: of the key proof points that I want you to
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Speaker 1: focus on is celebrating your small steps. That's the hack.
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Speaker 1: I say that all the time on this podcast. It
19:32
Speaker 1: is so important to celebrate your wins, celebrate the little
19:38
Speaker 1: things that are happening in your life. And we often
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Speaker 1: overlook the celebration because it's too small. Culture says it's
19:47
Speaker 1: too small to celebrate, it's too small to do. I say,
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Speaker 1: celebrate your wins as those small evidence, those small winds
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Speaker 1: stack up. You're building the case for confidence, You're creating
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Speaker 1: the evidence, and it's too hard to escape being able
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Speaker 1: to win after that, being able to show your capabilities
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Speaker 1: the things that you are able to do. I know
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Speaker 1: it seems small, and know it seems like it's outside
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Speaker 1: of scope of what culture says because it's not big enough,
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Speaker 1: it's not grandiose enough, but it's important enough to create
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Speaker 1: what you need to expand your confidence. So I want
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Speaker 1: you to know, just like the affirmation of the week,
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Speaker 1: everything that you're doing in your life is unfolding perfectly.
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Speaker 1: The hack now is to keep that thought process in
20:51
Speaker 1: your mind. It's easy to think about the negative things,
20:57
Speaker 1: especially when what you see but your eyes see in
21:01
Speaker 1: front of you don't align with where you want to go.
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Speaker 1: But I want you to be thinking that everything is
21:09
Speaker 1: unfolding perfectly, and when you say it, I want you
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Speaker 1: to feel it. I want you to believe it, and
21:20
Speaker 1: I want you to carry on. I hope you enjoyed
21:26
Speaker 1: this week's episode of the Urine Ritsub podcast. And the
21:29
Speaker 1: only way I'm gonna know this is if you leave
21:31
Speaker 1: me some feedback. Feedback is a gift and it is
21:34
Speaker 1: free to give, and I would like to hear from you.
21:37
Speaker 1: I would like to know what resonated with you regarding
21:39
Speaker 1: this week's episode. Now here's how you leave feedback on
21:43
Speaker 1: the platform in which you listen to this podcast. Follow
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Speaker 1: the Stars when you get there, leave a five star rating.
21:49
Speaker 1: But in all seriousness, when you get there, you can
21:52
Speaker 1: share your feedback on this podcast and that helps us.
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Speaker 1: And when you share your feedback on this podcast, it
22:01
Speaker 1: helps others find us in these podcast streets. So we
22:05
Speaker 1: would definitely appreciate that you can also share this episode
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Speaker 1: right from the podcast platform and which you're listening to
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Speaker 1: this episode, hit the share button and send it to
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Speaker 1: the last three to five people that you spoke with today. Also,
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Speaker 1: you can share this on your socials. You can find
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Speaker 1: me primarily on Instagram because that's my jam, that's where
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Speaker 1: I am. You can find me at my Enriched Self
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Speaker 1: that's m y E n R I c h E
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Speaker 1: D s E l F. And you can hashtag this episode.
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Speaker 1: so you can showcase your friends and families and those
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Speaker 1: in the social streets what you're listening to and what's
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Speaker 1: feeding you mind, body and spirit. I also want you
22:50
Speaker 1: to check out the show notes. In the show notes,
22:53
Speaker 1: we have the affirmation of the week, the quote of
22:55
Speaker 1: the week, and there you can also find my Amazon shop,
23:00
Speaker 1: your enrich self shop has two items right now, a
23:04
Speaker 1: journal which is the Show Up Every Day Journal, as
23:08
Speaker 1: well as the Show Up Everyday notebook, so check those
23:12
Speaker 1: out in my Amazon shops. And finally, take what you
23:15
Speaker 1: can from this episode and do what you must in
23:19
Speaker 1: the next one hundred and sixty eight hours so that
23:22
Speaker 1: you can become more of your enriched self until we
23:28
Speaker 1: meet again.