Latest / WholeHeart Conversations / Healing Emotional Wounds with God's Love| Gwendolyn Miller, LPC

Transcript

Healing Emotional Wounds with God's Love| Gwendolyn Miller, LPC · WholeHeart Conversations

• 0:00
  Gwendolyn: We are all consistently in a battle.
• 0:02
  Gwendolyn: Whether or not we know it or not, we are consistently in a battle.
• 0:07
  Gwendolyn: And I had to admit this too for myself, too.
• 0:10
  Gwendolyn: We are all addicts one form or another.
• 0:13
  Gwendolyn: We're addicted to maybe the frame of thinking that we may have.
• 0:16
  Gwendolyn: We're addicted to food.
• 0:17
  Gwendolyn: We create these patterns that become unhealthy, which is addiction.
• 0:22
  Gwendolyn: Yes.
• 0:23
  Gwendolyn: Right.
• 0:23
  Gwendolyn: And so we attach ourselves to these thoughts.
• 0:26
  Gwendolyn: We attach ourselves to these people.
• 0:27
  Gwendolyn: We attach ourselves.
• 0:28
  Gwendolyn: You put that blank in there for yourself.
• 0:30
  Gwendolyn: And that's a habit.
• 0:31
  Gwendolyn: It's a habit that's gone on for years.
• 0:34
  Gwendolyn: So this habit is not going to change like that.
• 0:37
  Gwendolyn: It's going to take intentionality to do it.
• 0:41
  Gwendolyn: But that intentionality is connected to awareness and acceptance.
• 0:46
  Intro Music: Wholeheart Conversations.
• 0:53
  Constance: You're listening to Whole Heart Conversations, a podcast for Christian women to grow spiritually, heal emotionally, and live whole.
• 1:04
  Constance: I am your host, Constance Lavonice.
• 1:07
  Constance: Today we are having a conversation with Gwendolyn Miller.
• 1:13
  Constance: Gwendolyn is a pastoral and licensed professional counselor, the CEO and founder of Loved Abundantly Counseling Incorporated and Love Abundantly Ministry.
• 1:28
  Constance: She's the host of Abundantly Loved Podcast and author and singer-songwriter under the name Malika Miller.
• 1:39
  Constance: Welcome, Gwendolyn.
• 1:41
  Constance: Hey, thank you so much for having me on the podcast.
• 1:44
  Constance: I'm so thankful that you're here too.
• 1:46
  Constance: Gwendolyn, I know that you have a background in teaching.
• 1:51
  Constance: How did you know that God was calling you to pastoral and professional counseling?
• 1:59
  Gwendolyn: Well, that's a good question.
• 2:00
  Gwendolyn: Um, I like to make a joke like in teaching it'll call you to God, closer to God, but you know, you need to be prayed up in the classroom.
• 2:09
  Gwendolyn: But while I was teaching, I was also trained in ministry to study the Bible with women, mentor women, and guide them as a disciple.
• 2:17
  Gwendolyn: I've been a disciple of Jesus for 28 years.
• 2:20
  Gwendolyn: So guiding them in what it means to hold to the teachings of the Bible and counseling them in that way.
• 2:26
  Gwendolyn: And I realized how I love doing that a lot.
• 2:30
  Gwendolyn: And so I was praying to God, like I got, I love teaching.
• 2:34
  Gwendolyn: And with my students, I could see as a math teacher, because I have a degree in math education, and I could see a lot of my students were struggling with anxiety, and I would have to calm them down in order for me to teach the math.
• 2:46
  Gwendolyn: Or I can see there was a disconnect between something I was teaching with the math, and I could figure out what a disconnect was.
• 2:55
  Gwendolyn: And it was kind of like interesting to see it happening in the moment because I'm like, wow, God, this is kind of weird that I can read their minds to really see the block and guide them through that block.
• 3:07
  Gwendolyn: I'm like, what is this?
• 3:09
  Gwendolyn: You know, so it's like in the classroom, it brought out that um gift that God had given me to be able to discern what was going on inside of the person, to really meet them where they are and guide them to really understand, okay, this is what we need to do next.
• 3:25
  Gwendolyn: I mean, help us to ease their anxiety as we were on that walk.
• 3:28
  Gwendolyn: And then doing it with ministry, helping them to do it, um, to see how God loves them, how what it means to walk with God, and then breaking through the different things that was blocking them too.
• 3:37
  Gwendolyn: I was like, God, I love doing both.
• 3:39
  Gwendolyn: I need to find something to be able to do what I'm passionate about.
• 3:45
  Constance: Okay.
• 3:45
  Gwendolyn: And so that's when the spirit I was working with, well, I was leading a Bible talk group with a brother who was working at Fordham University.
• 3:53
  Gwendolyn: And I told him what I was thinking about doing, and he said, Oh, that's a program I'm in.
• 3:58
  Gwendolyn: He was literally working in a pastoral counseling and spiritual health program, and he set up for me to go and meet with the administrative person.
• 4:08
  Gwendolyn: I met with them.
• 4:09
  Gwendolyn: As soon as I met with them, they said, okay, we like you.
• 4:11
  Gwendolyn: Let's get you signed in and let's go.
• 4:13
  Gwendolyn: And it started like that.
• 4:15
  Constance: So you started your pastoral training program first?
• 4:20
  Gwendolyn: Well, with the pastoral program, so here's the thing: with the program at Fordham University, it's a combination of pastoral and counseling.
• 4:28
  Gwendolyn: So it's a mix of both.
• 4:30
  Gwendolyn: So with the courses, you will take a theology course and you also have to take a counseling courses.
• 4:36
  Gwendolyn: So everything someone would do with counseling, we did along with doing the theology.
• 4:42
  Constance: Okay, well, that's good.
• 4:43
  Constance: That gives some clarification.
• 4:45
  Constance: And that fits in great with what you do because you do incorporate biblical Christ-centered principles into your counseling.
• 4:54
  Constance: I have a question.
• 4:56
  Constance: Yes, what is the why behind the name loved abundantly and abundantly loved?
• 5:04
  Constance: Because your counseling practice and your ministry and your podcast all have that title in it.
• 5:11
  Constance: What's the why behind that name?
• 5:13
  Constance: That's a good question.
• 5:14
  Constance: Let me tell you.
• 5:16
  Gwendolyn: If you hear something in the background, it's my dog running around.
• 5:18
  Gwendolyn: Okay.
• 5:19
  Gwendolyn: It's the dog in the background.
• 5:21
  Gwendolyn: I forgot to put him in his crate before I got out here.
• 5:24
  Gwendolyn: So sorry.
• 5:25
  Gwendolyn: That's okay.
• 5:27
  Gwendolyn: Oh, my apologies.
• 5:29
  Gwendolyn: But let me tell you, back in 2020, um, when I had started my practice, right?
• 5:36
  Gwendolyn: I started the practice and I had it under Gwendolyn Miller counseling, right?
• 5:39
  Gwendolyn: And then going into 21, I was reading the scriptures because in 1 Peter it talks about how God loves us abundantly.
• 5:48
  Constance: Yes.
• 5:49
  Gwendolyn: And as I'm reading it, and I was praying, the Spirit was like, that's what I want you to name your ministry.
• 5:53
  Gwendolyn: So Love Abundantly Ministry came first.
• 5:56
  Gwendolyn: Okay.
• 5:57
  Gwendolyn: But God gave me the name love abundantly to connect with the ministry.
• 6:03
  Gwendolyn: Okay.
• 6:04
  Constance: So you're you started off with your ministry.
• 6:07
  Gwendolyn: Ministry.
• 6:07
  Gwendolyn: There, I'm like, okay, let me connect it to the counseling then, because that's what my counseling practice is all about, too.
• 6:14
  Gwendolyn: It's like love, abundant light, and learning, teaching women or teaching people the importance of understanding how much you are loved by God in order to heal.
• 6:23
  Gwendolyn: Okay, yeah.
• 6:24
  Gwendolyn: In the midst of it, you know?
• 6:26
  Constance: Um what is your testimony around healing based on God's love?
• 6:33
  Constance: Right.
• 6:34
  Gwendolyn: And that's a good question.
• 6:36
  Gwendolyn: I think the thing, and someone said that this, what I'm doing, is a mission and something that I must have gone through in order for me to do that.
• 6:42
  Gwendolyn: And that's true.
• 6:43
  Gwendolyn: Because I struggled with understanding God's love for me.
• 6:47
  Gwendolyn: And I realized years ago when I was going through it, like really trying to understand my identity in Christ, trying to understand how God loves me and I don't have to be perfect.
• 6:59
  Gwendolyn: And if I mess up, it doesn't mean that he's taking his love away from me.
• 7:02
  Gwendolyn: I had to confront my perception of who God was and that he's not my earthly dad.
• 7:08
  Gwendolyn: Like, because my earthly dad, I felt like my dad didn't keep his promises.
• 7:11
  Gwendolyn: He would say one thing and then do it.
• 7:13
  Gwendolyn: You know?
• 7:13
  Gwendolyn: And so I projected that onto God and thought that God would change his mind and not keep his promises.
• 7:20
  Gwendolyn: And so it made me kind of like not, it made me go to a space of not understanding how much I was loved by him, even though he's telling me all over again he's loving me, he loves me.
• 7:30
  Constance: Yeah.
• 7:30
  Gwendolyn: So I had to do, um, first of all, let me tell you honestly, I had to go through a breakup.
• 7:35
  Gwendolyn: I had to go through heart and just really recognize that I didn't love myself in that breakup, codependency, issues, and all those different things, and then having to go to therapy.
• 7:46
  Gwendolyn: But in the midst of all that therapy, in the midst of all of that, I studied the Bible.
• 7:52
  Gwendolyn: And as I'm meeting, the Holy Spirit is so amazing.
• 7:55
  Gwendolyn: Like he and I, he talks to me like I'm his, like we're friends, like I'm his friend.
• 7:59
  Gwendolyn: And as he's talking to me, he's guiding me and understanding, like, I am not your father.
• 8:04
  Constance: Yeah.
• 8:05
  Gwendolyn: I'm not him.
• 8:06
  Gwendolyn: My love is consistent.
• 8:08
  Gwendolyn: He kept telling me, like, my love is consistent.
• 8:10
  Gwendolyn: And it doesn't go away if you make mistakes.
• 8:13
  Gwendolyn: I'm still there.
• 8:14
  Gwendolyn: It's the love that he has for me that drove me to want to change.
• 8:18
  Constance: Hmm.
• 8:19
  Gwendolyn: Yes.
• 8:19
  Gwendolyn: That drove me to want to get closer.
• 8:21
  Constance: You know what I mean?
• 8:21
  Constance: I hope I'm not going to be able to do that.
• 8:22
  Constance: Yes.
• 8:23
  Constance: And as I'm listening to you, I'm thinking about women that we see in counseling and men who have relationships with fathers or didn't have a relationship with a father, and they have a difficult time imagining God's love.
• 8:43
  Constance: They know that God loves us, but they have a hard time accepting that personally.
• 8:49
  Constance: Yes.
• 8:50
  Constance: What do you say to those women?
• 8:52
  Gwendolyn: One of the key scriptures that I always share with all of my clients is what the Spirit shared with me.
• 8:58
  Gwendolyn: It was in Isaiah 43 and in verse 1 through 5, Lavonice.
• 9:03
  Gwendolyn: Can I read it to you?
• 9:04
  Gwendolyn: Yes, please.
• 9:05
  Gwendolyn: Because this scripture, when I read it, it broke me.
• 9:09
  Gwendolyn: Because I was in that space of trying to understand and growing more and understand that God loves me.
• 9:14
  Gwendolyn: And so in Isaiah 43 and in verse 1 to 3, I'll read it, I read it the first time.
• 9:21
  Gwendolyn: I read it like this the first time.
• 9:22
  Gwendolyn: But now this is what the Lord says.
• 9:24
  Gwendolyn: He who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel, do not fear, for I have redeemed you.
• 9:29
  Gwendolyn: I have summoned you by name, you are mine.
• 9:31
  Gwendolyn: When you pass through the waters, I will be with you.
• 9:34
  Gwendolyn: And when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.
• 9:36
  Gwendolyn: When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned.
• 9:39
  Gwendolyn: The flames will not set you ablaze, for I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
• 9:44
  Gwendolyn: I give Egypt for your ransom Cush of Seba in your stead.
• 9:48
  Gwendolyn: Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, and nations in exchange for your wife.
• 9:55
  Gwendolyn: So I read it like that the first time because the Spirit led me to read it.
• 9:58
  Gwendolyn: But then the second time, he put in my mind and just put your name in the place of it.
• 10:02
  Constance: Yes.
• 10:03
  Gwendolyn: The place of where you see Israel, Jacob.
• 10:05
  Gwendolyn: And it created something different for me.
• 10:07
  Gwendolyn: So I went back and I said, but now this is what the Lord says.
• 10:11
  Gwendolyn: He who created you, Gwen.
• 10:16
  Constance: Mm-hmm.
• 10:17
  Constance: He who formed you, Gwen.
• 10:19
  Constance: Do not fear, for I have redeemed you.
• 10:24
  Gwendolyn: I have summoned you by name.
• 10:26
  Gwendolyn: You are mine.
• 10:27
  Gwendolyn: When you pass through the waters, I will be with you.
• 10:31
  Gwendolyn: And when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.
• 10:34
  Gwendolyn: When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned.
• 10:36
  Gwendolyn: The flames will not set you ablaze, for I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
• 10:43
  Gwendolyn: I give Egypt for your ransom and Cush and Seba in your stead.
• 10:49
  Gwendolyn: Since you, Gwen, are precious and honored in my sight.
• 10:53
  Gwendolyn: And because I love you, I will give people in exchange for your and nations in exchange for your life.
• 11:01
  Gwendolyn: When I read it in that way, and I heard God say to me, I love you.
• 11:09
  Gwendolyn: It broke me.
• 11:11
  Gwendolyn: And then the Spirit took me back to see what He had given in exchange for me.
• 11:17
  Gwendolyn: That He had given the Son in exchange for me.
• 11:20
  Gwendolyn: And that's what changed me all the way.
• 11:26
  Constance: Wow.
• 11:27
  Gwendolyn: So whenever I'm talking to my clients, I share this with them.
• 11:29
  Gwendolyn: And so how do they respond?
• 11:31
  Gwendolyn: God showed you a scripture.
• 11:33
  Gwendolyn: You didn't just read the scripture because the Bible is written for us personally.
• 11:38
  Gwendolyn: He's speaking to us.
• 11:40
  Gwendolyn: And he spoke to you through that scripture.
• 11:43
  Gwendolyn: And not only did he speak to you, you saw your name in it, and you read it with your name.
• 11:49
  Gwendolyn: So, what is your counsel for women who are in the same place that you're in?
• 11:56
  Gwendolyn: Do you tell them to get into the word, get a scripture?
• 12:00
  Gwendolyn: How do you counsel women who just feel like they're not loved or they don't know if God loves them because of previous relationships?
• 12:11
  Gwendolyn: Right.
• 12:11
  Gwendolyn: So before I even start, I ask them, do they want the Bible to be used in their sessions?
• 12:15
  Gwendolyn: So that's a part of when we do a uh consultation call, I ask them up front, is this what you're looking for?
• 12:23
  Constance: Okay.
• 12:24
  Gwendolyn: If they're not, I would do it in a secular way.
• 12:26
  Gwendolyn: I won't even show them scriptures.
• 12:27
  Gwendolyn: If they are, this is what they do.
• 12:30
  Gwendolyn: And so most of my clients seek me out because I'm a pastoral counselor and LPC.
• 12:34
  Gwendolyn: And so with that, as I'm sh what I've done in the past, and if they are struggling with, we talk we have to address first of all, what is the core belief that you're having about yourself?
• 12:48
  Gwendolyn: Like for me, it's I'm not good enough.
• 12:52
  Gwendolyn: So I had to address that aspect of I'm not good enough and seeing it through the lenses that God says I'm good enough.
• 13:00
  Constance: What is a core belief for people who may not know?
• 13:03
  Constance: And how do you get to one of your clients or understanding what a core belief is?
• 13:11
  Constance: Because sometimes people don't know.
• 13:13
  Gwendolyn: Don't know, right.
• 13:14
  Gwendolyn: So with core beliefs, it's basically under-surface belief systems that we have that's driving most of our lives.
• 13:19
  Gwendolyn: When they say under-the-surface beliefs, that means that's not on surface, you're not aware of it.
• 13:24
  Gwendolyn: It's you don't really see it, but it's what's driving your behavior, your thoughts.
• 13:29
  Gwendolyn: So, in order to get to it, what I do is I use a lot of psychoeducation information.
• 13:33
  Gwendolyn: Yes.
• 13:34
  Gwendolyn: I have a sheet that talks about corbel leaves and what some of them are, and they are read through and I ask them, is this what you've thought about yourself before?
• 13:43
  Constance: Yes.
• 13:44
  Gwendolyn: And then it brings that thought up to the surface.
• 13:46
  Gwendolyn: It bubbles up because before we even get to that, we've already talked about something that led me to say, okay, hold up.
• 13:53
  Gwendolyn: They're struggling with a belief system about themselves, and we have to identify what that belief system may be.
• 13:59
  Gwendolyn: And then once I share that sheet, it brings it up.
• 14:02
  Gwendolyn: And then from there, what I noticed sometimes a lot of them have um core belief of I'm not good enough.
• 14:07
  Gwendolyn: Majority of clients I work with have that, or I'm not lovable, or uh the world itself is not safe.
• 14:15
  Gwendolyn: And it's like they have this system.
• 14:17
  Gwendolyn: And so from there on the sheets, it gives you, okay, this is an irrational thought pattern.
• 14:23
  Gwendolyn: So now let's change it to correct it with the rational.
• 14:25
  Gwendolyn: And if we're using the scriptures, and especially with my clients who wanted scriptures to use, okay, let's look at a scripture that talks about how God views you and confront it with how you view you.
• 14:36
  Gwendolyn: And then now you choose what do you want to believe.
• 14:40
  Gwendolyn: And that's how we change the belief system, is you choosing what do you want to believe.
• 14:48
  Gwendolyn: And so once they identify the core belief that's guiding your life, because it actually guides your behavior and your experiences with people.
• 14:59
  Gwendolyn: So they once you identify that you see a need that there's something else going on here.
• 15:04
  Gwendolyn: And they identify the core belief and you present the truth of God's word.
• 15:10
  Constance: Right.
• 15:10
  Gwendolyn: And ask them, because they have a choice of what do you want to believe.
• 15:16
  Gwendolyn: Right.
• 15:16
  Gwendolyn: And then I connected back to Jesus a lot of times when most of my clients I go back to what Jesus says, I am the way and the truth and the life.
• 15:25
  Gwendolyn: Right?
• 15:26
  Gwendolyn: He didn't say he was a truth.
• 15:29
  Gwendolyn: He says, I am the truth.
• 15:32
  Gwendolyn: And I love to connect it back to John 1 when it talks about the word came into the world and the word was with God, and the word was God in the beginning.
• 15:40
  Gwendolyn: And so, who was the word?
• 15:42
  Gwendolyn: The word is Jesus.
• 15:43
  Gwendolyn: So if the word is Jesus, that means what I'm reading biblically, this is the word, that means what I'm reading is the truth.
• 15:49
  Gwendolyn: So if my thoughts counteract what the word says about me, then is it the truth?
• 15:54
  Gwendolyn: So, but we have to because what I'm sharing with you is what I did with myself.
• 15:59
  Constance: Yeah.
• 15:59
  Gwendolyn: What I have to do with myself, because I struggle with those belief systems, which made me struggle with God loving me and not believing God loves me.
• 16:06
  Gwendolyn: So I had to confront that lie with the truth.
• 16:09
  Gwendolyn: And I tell a lot of them, like we the lie, we can make a lie our truth because we believe and we say it to ourselves over and over again.
• 16:18
  Constance: That's true.
• 16:19
  Constance: So that lie becomes the truth to you, to you.
• 16:23
  Constance: Right.
• 16:24
  Constance: I don't know if you had to deal with this personally, but when you have your clients, so now you know the truth.
• 16:30
  Constance: Right.
• 16:30
  Constance: You you know the truth of what God says about you.
• 16:34
  Constance: You've choose to, I want to believe the truth.
• 16:37
  Constance: How did you make it real?
• 16:38
  Constance: Because knowing is different from it becoming real to you.
• 16:44
  Constance: What steps did you have to take for it to become real for you?
• 16:48
  Constance: You know it.
• 16:49
  Constance: That's knowledge.
• 16:51
  Gwendolyn: Right.
• 16:51
  Gwendolyn: But how can we live it?
• 16:53
  Gwendolyn: Right.
• 16:54
  Gwendolyn: What I've done over my years, because as I said before, I've been a disciple for 28 years.
• 16:58
  Gwendolyn: So what I've done over my years is meditate.
• 17:01
  Gwendolyn: Meditate on the word.
• 17:02
  Gwendolyn: I would read one verse over and over again, like even one of the sentences that read it over and over again, over and over again, over and over again, to let it sit in my soul.
• 17:14
  Gwendolyn: That's it.
• 17:17
  Gwendolyn: And then I let it marinate.
• 17:19
  Gwendolyn: I'm certified in mindfulness now.
• 17:21
  Gwendolyn: And so with my clients, I teach them to merge that with their breath or just to let it center prayer.
• 17:28
  Gwendolyn: Like centering prayer is like you just allow your mind just to read it over and over again.
• 17:33
  Gwendolyn: And you can merge your breath in it too, but it's still you meditating over the scripture, taking your time slowly going through it.
• 17:41
  Constance: Okay, so you meditate on the word.
• 17:43
  Constance: And you mentioned the word mindfulness.
• 17:45
  Constance: What is mindfulness?
• 17:48
  Gwendolyn: Mindfulness is basically being aware and acceptance and learning how to be in the present moment.
• 17:55
  Gwendolyn: Right?
• 17:56
  Gwendolyn: And they teach you different breathing techniques to go to use in order for you to be in the present moment.
• 18:02
  Gwendolyn: I love when I was reading Caroline Leaf is a neuroscientist, and she talks about mindfulness a lot and how the mind controls the brain and the brain controls the rest of the body.
• 18:15
  Gwendolyn: So with mindfulness, it's helping you to learn how to control the mind, which controls the brain.
• 18:21
  Gwendolyn: And so it can control you.
• 18:28
  Gwendolyn: So a part of mindfulness is learning how to first accept, or first of all, being aware of what's happening in your thoughts.
• 18:37
  Gwendolyn: Being aware of what's happening in your physical body in response to the emotions, and being aware of what the emotions are too, and able to name those too, which a lot of us are not able to.
• 18:49
  Gwendolyn: And I hope you guys are belessing emotionless, because I know before I became a therapist, I wasn't able to name them.
• 18:54
  Gwendolyn: But it's like being aware of them, but then also with the acceptance part without judgment.
• 19:00
  Gwendolyn: So you're able to see those things, but not judging those things.
• 19:04
  Gwendolyn: And so the different techniques, and especially because I'm a pastoral counselor, what I've done is I've merged the Bible within these techniques.
• 19:14
  Constance: Yes.
• 19:14
  Constance: So when you merge the Bible with the techniques, what particular modalities are you using when you work with people?
• 19:24
  Constance: Because when I hear that, I think of cognitive behavioral therapy, and I've talked about that before.
• 19:30
  Constance: So you also use CBT and what is DBT?
• 19:35
  Gwendolyn: Dialectic behavior therapy.
• 19:37
  Gwendolyn: Because with dialectic behavior therapy, I use a lot of that, especially when it comes to acceptance.
• 19:42
  Gwendolyn: And dialectic behavior therapy has uses mindfulness within that too.
• 19:47
  Gwendolyn: And so I've kind of like made a MERSH, I don't know, mouth, whatever you call it, like a blend of CBT and DBT.
• 19:56
  Gwendolyn: Within DBT, there's some CBT, but most of it is like acceptance about your thoughts, acceptance of what's happening in the mouth, and learning how to regulate yourself and the moments.
• 20:06
  Gwendolyn: That's what we talk about with DBT.
• 20:09
  Gwendolyn: With CBT, it's a lot about seeing what the thought patterns are and knowing that the thoughts is what's leading the behavior.
• 20:16
  Gwendolyn: Learning how to regulate yourself within that too.
• 20:19
  Gwendolyn: Okay.
• 20:20
  Gwendolyn: You know?
• 20:21
  Constance: Yes.
• 20:21
  Constance: So when someone is going through, when they have core beliefs that are inaccurate or that don't line up with the word of God, I find that they are very dysregulated.
• 20:36
  Constance: Yes.
• 20:36
  Constance: And so I like the approaches that you're taking with not just top-down mind, but also the mindfulness practices and breathing that can help you sit in the presence of God, like you said, have a centering prayer or to be able to meditate on those scriptures.
• 20:58
  Constance: And so once you're meditating on the scriptures and like you did, you just kept placing that in your mind.
• 21:05
  Constance: What is the journey like healing emotionally and spiritually?
• 21:10
  Constance: Once you start that, you're aware that you have some core beliefs that are not helpful, that are actually harmful, and you identify that you now know what God's word says.
• 21:22
  Constance: And so where do you go from there for the continued healing?
• 21:27
  Gwendolyn: I think it connects back to acceptance, Lavonice.
• 21:30
  Gwendolyn: Acceptance.
• 21:32
  Gwendolyn: You know, with healing is like for me personally, and for a lot of my clients, it's accepting the fact that I'm loved.
• 21:42
  Gwendolyn: And because of that, notice and going back to the scripture now, because I always talk about scriptures in 1 Corinthians or 2 Corinthians 1 and 2.
• 21:50
  Gwendolyn: Paul says, Christ's love compels us, right?
• 21:54
  Constance: Yes.
• 21:54
  Gwendolyn: So that means love itself is a change agent which will compel.
• 21:59
  Gwendolyn: Us to want to change, to want to repent or whatever it may be, whatever may be going on, but the closer we get to understanding that we're loved by God, it helps with the healing process because we're confronting those thoughts that's blocking us from really accepting that we are loved by God.
• 22:18
  Gwendolyn: Viewing ourselves through these negative lenses versus viewing ourselves through the lens of God.
• 22:24
  Gwendolyn: And that's a journey.
• 22:25
  Gwendolyn: It's like literally, it takes first understanding this is where my mind is, and then taking captive that thought, making it obedient to Christ.
• 22:34
  Constance: Yes.
• 22:34
  Gwendolyn: And then using the scriptures to, okay, now this is what I'm holding on to.
• 22:38
  Gwendolyn: And literally having to say it over and over again when this thought comes up again.
• 22:43
  Gwendolyn: Because that thought is going to come up because it doesn't want to leave easily.
• 22:46
  Gwendolyn: Because we made a habit of having that negative thought.
• 22:49
  Gwendolyn: But having, but now that I'm aware of it, now I can fight it.
• 22:53
  Gwendolyn: Now replace it with this thought.
• 22:55
  Gwendolyn: But I have, and it gets tiresome.
• 22:57
  Gwendolyn: You get tired.
• 22:58
  Gwendolyn: I'm taught from my own experience.
• 23:00
  Gwendolyn: You get tired from doing it.
• 23:02
  Gwendolyn: But the more consistent you are in doing it, the less hold it will have on your life.
• 23:08
  Constance: Yes.
• 23:09
  Gwendolyn: Because what we're talking about healing, we're trying to get the freedom.
• 23:12
  Gwendolyn: Yes.
• 23:13
  Gwendolyn: That comes from understanding, okay, I am completely loved by God.
• 23:18
  Gwendolyn: And so I don't have to behave and do the same behavior over again that I've been doing because I know I'm loved.
• 23:23
  Gwendolyn: I'm not taking that love for granted.
• 23:25
  Gwendolyn: Right.
• 23:25
  Gwendolyn: I'm not taking that grace for granted.
• 23:27
  Gwendolyn: I'm changing because I want to show him love now.
• 23:31
  Constance: Yes.
• 23:32
  Constance: And you can do that.
• 23:33
  Constance: You mentioned the Holy Spirit revealing it to you.
• 23:37
  Constance: And as Christians, we have the Holy Spirit within us.
• 23:40
  Constance: And one of the fruit is love.
• 23:43
  Constance: Yes.
• 23:44
  Constance: So we can do that.
• 23:46
  Constance: We have that ability within us to do that.
• 23:50
  Gwendolyn: Yes.
• 23:51
  Constance: But it's not a one-time thing.
• 23:52
  Constance: It's not.
• 23:54
  Gwendolyn: It's practice.
• 23:55
  Gwendolyn: I just talked to, I had a session, I was just telling them like, you gotta practice this.
• 23:59
  Gwendolyn: This is a daily, minute by minute, sick by seven.
• 24:01
  Gwendolyn: Ooh, it's like a consistent thing that we have to do.
• 24:06
  Gwendolyn: Because the violence, when I was doing my internship in New York City, I worked at um outpatient rehab clinic.
• 24:15
  Gwendolyn: And that was one of the best experiences I've ever had because I it was an eye-opening to help me to see the spiritual battle more clearly.
• 24:24
  Gwendolyn: Right?
• 24:25
  Constance: Yes.
• 24:26
  Gwendolyn: The reason why I'm sharing this with you is because we are all consistently in a battle.
• 24:32
  Gwendolyn: Whether or not we know it or not, we are consistently in a battle.
• 24:36
  Gwendolyn: And I had to admit this too for myself, too.
• 24:39
  Gwendolyn: We are all addicts one form or another.
• 24:42
  Gwendolyn: We are addicted to maybe the frame of thinking that we may have.
• 24:45
  Gwendolyn: We're addicted to food.
• 24:46
  Gwendolyn: We create these patterns that become unhealthy, which is addiction.
• 24:51
  Constance: Yes.
• 24:52
  Gwendolyn: Right.
• 24:53
  Gwendolyn: And so we attach ourselves to these thoughts, we attach ourselves to these people, we attach ourselves, you put that blank in there for yourself.
• 24:59
  Gwendolyn: And that's a habit.
• 25:01
  Gwendolyn: It's a habit that's gone on for years.
• 25:03
  Gwendolyn: So this habit is not gonna change like that.
• 25:06
  Gwendolyn: It's gonna take intentionality to do it.
• 25:10
  Gwendolyn: But that intentionality is connected to awareness and acceptance.
• 25:14
  Gwendolyn: Yes.
• 25:15
  Gwendolyn: And which goes back to love.
• 25:18
  Gwendolyn: And it goes back to sitting with God, meditating with God, memorizing scriptures, writing down your own affirmations.
• 25:25
  Gwendolyn: You can use scriptures to write the affirmations, but speaking it out loud, I would speak things out loud because faith grows by hearing and reading the word.
• 25:33
  Gwendolyn: So I spoke already, spoke this negative stuff over my life.
• 25:36
  Gwendolyn: No, let me speak the positive over my life and speak it over and over again because now I'm hearing it.
• 25:42
  Gwendolyn: So I'm shifting that mindset.
• 25:45
  Constance: You know?
• 25:45
  Constance: Yes.
• 25:46
  Constance: And whatever you focus on, you magnify.
• 25:49
  Constance: Exactly.
• 25:50
  Constance: I like that.
• 25:51
  Constance: And so it's an ongoing process, I'm hearing you say, and we need to be intentional.
• 25:59
  Constance: Yes, ma'am.
• 26:00
  Constance: So, what are some practical ways for women to intentionally grow in their relationship and understanding that God loves them?
• 26:12
  Constance: Give us some intentional practices that they can incorporate.
• 26:17
  Constance: Thank you for asking that question.
• 26:18
  Gwendolyn: One thing that a lot of my clients do, what I've done, is have index cards.
• 26:24
  Gwendolyn: Writing down, first of all, one I've done them in the past, I wrote down the negative things that I said to myself.
• 26:32
  Gwendolyn: And on the back of it, I have the scripture to counteract it.
• 26:35
  Gwendolyn: Write down whatever the negative thought you may be, but on the back you have the scripture and you speak that scripture out loud to confront that.
• 26:42
  Gwendolyn: Another way, things other people have done, it's like you write down affirmations and you put them on your mirror or you put them in your car and you speak them out loud in the morning time when you wake up.
• 26:54
  Constance: Yes.
• 26:54
  Gwendolyn: At nighttime when you go to bed.
• 26:56
  Gwendolyn: And sometimes, too, another one thing that I do is in the morning time, before I do anything, I pray.
• 27:02
  Gwendolyn: And I thank God for waking me up this morning.
• 27:05
  Gwendolyn: And I do that in the morning.
• 27:06
  Gwendolyn: I journal a lot.
• 27:08
  Gwendolyn: So journaling is a big thing that you can do.
• 27:11
  Gwendolyn: Going outside to walk.
• 27:13
  Gwendolyn: I like mindfulness walking is a key thing that I love to do.
• 27:16
  Gwendolyn: And part of mindfulness walking is just grounding techniques.
• 27:19
  Gwendolyn: And grounding techniques are using your five senses, just being outside.
• 27:24
  Gwendolyn: What do you see?
• 27:25
  Gwendolyn: What do you smell?
• 27:26
  Gwendolyn: What do you touch?
• 27:27
  Gwendolyn: Being outside in God's creation and recognizing that we are a part of the creation because we are created.
• 27:35
  Gwendolyn: And so walking outside with that and being present in that moment helps with connecting you with God.
• 27:43
  Gwendolyn: Being still.
• 27:44
  Gwendolyn: I think a lot of times as women, we're so busy.
• 27:47
  Gwendolyn: We got to do this, we got to do that, especially if you're married, you got kids.
• 27:50
  Gwendolyn: But if you're married and you have kids, you have to carve out time for self-care.
• 27:54
  Gwendolyn: Wake up early in the morning if you need to.
• 27:56
  Gwendolyn: That silent time, sitting in silence is so important.
• 28:01
  Gwendolyn: One of my favorite scriptures is be still and know that I'm God in Psalms 46.
• 28:06
  Gwendolyn: Being still means not doing anything.
• 28:09
  Gwendolyn: Just sitting still.
• 28:11
  Gwendolyn: Being in the presence, just listening.
• 28:14
  Gwendolyn: Say, God, I'm here.
• 28:15
  Gwendolyn: What do you want to say to me now?
• 28:16
  Gwendolyn: I'm here, I'm listening.
• 28:18
  Gwendolyn: And just be silent and wait.
• 28:20
  Gwendolyn: That's good.
• 28:21
  Gwendolyn: Set your little timer if you want to have a timer to do that.
• 28:24
  Gwendolyn: Do it.
• 28:24
  Gwendolyn: But just say, God, I'm here, I'm listening.
• 28:28
  Constance: Yes.
• 28:29
  Constance: Wow, Gwen.
• 28:30
  Constance: That's a that is a wealth of information.
• 28:33
  Constance: I like that.
• 28:34
  Constance: You've given us a lot.
• 28:36
  Constance: What wisdom would you like to leave?
• 28:40
  Constance: Do you have any other final word of wisdom that you want to leave with the listeners?
• 28:47
  Gwendolyn: Yeah, I do.
• 28:48
  Gwendolyn: No matter where you are right now in your life, no matter the things that you've done, no matter what you may see about yourself, God sees it all and still chooses to love you.
• 28:56
  Gwendolyn: He sees the good, the bad, and the ugly.
• 28:59
  Gwendolyn: And still chooses to desire to be in a relationship with you.
• 29:04
  Gwendolyn: Our response is: are we going to accept that relationship?
• 29:07
  Gwendolyn: Are we going to accept that love?
• 29:09
  Gwendolyn: And how are we going to respond to it?
• 29:12
  Gwendolyn: So I want to encourage you to accept it, to decide to choose to love him back by how you live, by how you view yourself, choosing to see yourself through his eyes.
• 29:22
  Gwendolyn: I know it's hard.
• 29:23
  Gwendolyn: But when you grow more in understanding how much you are loved by God, it will truly transform your life and you will love him back.
• 29:30
  Gwendolyn: You will love yourself.
• 29:32
  Gwendolyn: And then guess what?
• 29:33
  Gwendolyn: You'll love others that's in your life too.
• 29:36
  Constance: That's it.
• 29:36
  Constance: Wow.
• 29:37
  Constance: Thank you, Gwendolyn.
• 29:39
  Constance: And if someone wants to learn more from you or connect with you online, where is the best place for them to go?
• 29:49
  Gwendolyn: I'm having a webinar called Growing Deeper in Intimacy with God on October the 31st.
• 29:53
  Gwendolyn: It's on Zoom.
• 29:54
  Gwendolyn: It's going to be from 11 until 1230.
• 29:57
  Gwendolyn: You can email me at missgwendolen at abundantly love podcasts.com for more information.
• 30:04
  Gwendolyn: That's my podcast email, Miss Gwendolyn at Abundantly Love Podcasts.com.
• 30:09
  Gwendolyn: And my assistant couldn't email you back the information for the webinar.
• 30:13
  Gwendolyn: If you want to find out more about the ministry, you can go to Loveabundly Ministry.com.
• 30:17
  Gwendolyn: Information is there.
• 30:19
  Gwendolyn: If you want to follow me, you can go on TikTok, Instagram, YouTube.
• 30:24
  Gwendolyn: My podcast is on YouTube, on Spotify, on Instagram.
• 30:28
  Gwendolyn: Follow me there.
• 30:29
  Gwendolyn: Love Abundantly Counseling Inc.
• 30:32
  Gwendolyn: is on TikTok and on Instagram too.
• 30:35
  Gwendolyn: So I got a lot of handles.
• 30:36
  Gwendolyn: So if you want to follow me on any one of those, that'll be so great.
• 30:40
  Gwendolyn: And I'm afraid it is edifying to you.
• 30:43
  Constance: And Gwen, is this because we have listeners from everywhere, internationally, is the webinar open for people who may live outside the United States?
• 30:53
  Gwendolyn: Yes, of course.
• 30:55
  Gwendolyn: Anyone can come to webinar.
• 30:56
  Gwendolyn: I'm saying men and women, it doesn't matter.
• 30:59
  Gwendolyn: Please come to the webinar.
• 31:01
  Gwendolyn: And I just want to pour more into people.
• 31:04
  Gwendolyn: And I'm also going to have a coaching aspect for it too.
• 31:07
  Gwendolyn: Um, and that you'll find out more about it afterwards.
• 31:10
  Gwendolyn: But come, I know it's gonna be edifying to you.
• 31:13
  Gwendolyn: And I forgot one more thing, Lavonice.
• 31:15
  Gwendolyn: Check out my music too, under Melika Miller.
• 31:18
  Gwendolyn: It's on Spotify, it's on YouTube, and I just hope that that impacts your life too.
• 31:23
  Gwendolyn: Because I'm write my songs from the heart, and I hope it helps to reach yours too.
• 31:28
  Constance: Yes, and she has a beautiful voice.
• 31:30
  Constance: Thank you.
• 31:31
  Constance: And so if you've listened to the end, don't forget to subscribe, share it with a friend who needs to hear this message.
• 31:38
  Constance: And if you love this episode, leave a review so more women can find whole heart conversations.