Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Rebuild Trust After a Mistake
Transcript
- Lucas: So, it's August 2026, and I keep thinking about that story from a few years back—the one where a first-time manager at a regional bank accidentally emailed salary data to the entire department instead of just their boss. It took them about four minutes to realize what they'd done, and then they sat there, staring at the screen, wondering if they could just pretend it never happened. Luna: Oof. That's the nightmare scenario. I remember that story—didn't they end up having to hold a full team meeting about it? Lucas: Exactly. And that's the thing: as a new manager, you're going to mess up. Maybe not on that scale, but you'll send the wrong email, you'll blow a budget number, you'll make a call that turns out to be wrong. And how you handle that moment—the first time your team sees you stumble—that shapes how they trust you for the next two years. Luna: And if you've been helpful in thinking through your own career decisions—maybe even avoided a similar disaster—you might consider supporting the show. It's the smallest ask: if today was worth a coffee to you, buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Lucas: Yeah, that link has been a nice way for listeners to keep us ad-free. We'll get back to the salary email in a sec, but I think that specific example is a perfect lens for what we're talking about today: how do you rebuild trust after you've made a visible mistake? Luna: So what did that manager do right? I remember they didn't try to hide it. Lucas: Right. They owned it within the hour. They sent a follow-up email to the whole department, said 'I made a mistake, this was not meant for you, and I'm working with HR to understand the implications.' That's step one: acknowledge it fast, don't over-explain, and don't blame anyone else. Luna: But isn't there a temptation to over-apologize? Like, I've seen managers say 'I'm so sorry' a hundred times in one meeting. Lucas: Totally. And that actually backfires. When you over-apologize, you shift the focus from the fix to your own anxiety. The team starts feeling like they have to reassure you, which is the opposite of what they need. So the rule is: apologize once, clearly, and then move to action. Luna: So what's the action in that case? They can't un-send the email. Lucas: No, but they can control what happens next. They worked with HR to set up a meeting where they explained what data was shared, what the potential impact was, and what steps were being taken to prevent it from happening again. They also offered one-on-ones for anyone with concerns. That's step two: corrective action with visible follow-through. Luna: And that builds trust because it shows you're not just sorry—you're doing something. Lucas: Exactly. Trust is a bank account, and every mistake is a withdrawal. But the follow-through is a deposit. And the key is that the deposit has to be bigger than the withdrawal. In that case, the manager's team actually came out of it more cohesive because they saw their leader handle a crisis with integrity. Luna: What about the third phase? Is there a longer-term piece? Lucas: Yeah, and this is the part people skip. After the immediate fire is out, you have to rebuild trust through consistent behavior over time. That means no more surprises, more transparency, and showing up the same way every day. Trust compounds slowly—it's not a one-time fix. Luna: So if you're a new manager listening, and you've made a mistake recently, what's the first thing you should do tomorrow morning? Lucas: Well, first, if you haven't owned it yet, do that today. But if you've already apologized, then your next move is to ask yourself: what is the one concrete action I can take to make sure this doesn't happen again? And then do that action visibly. Send the update, schedule the training, set up the new process. Don't just say it—show it. Luna: And what if the mistake is more private—like you made a bad decision in a one-on-one, and only that person knows? Lucas: That's a different situation, but the same principle applies. You still need to acknowledge it directly, correct course, and then demonstrate over time that you've learned. The tricky part is when you don't address it, because that person will lose confidence in you silently, and it'll show up in their work. Luna: So there's no such thing as a small mistake, then? Lucas: Not from a trust perspective. Every time you don't own a mistake, you're making a withdrawal from the trust account. And if you make too many withdrawals without deposits, you're going to be overdrawn. Luna: That's a good metaphor. But what about mistakes that are more systemic—like you hired the wrong person, and now the whole team is struggling? Lucas: That's a hard one, because it's not a single event—it's a pattern. And the team knows it. In that case, you have to acknowledge the pattern, not just the individual mistake. You might say, 'I see that this isn't working, and I take responsibility for that. Here's what I'm going to change.' Luna: And how do you know when to escalate to your own boss? Like, when does a mistake become something you can't handle on your own? Lucas: You should escalate when the mistake has financial, legal, or reputational implications beyond your team. In the salary email case, they escalated immediately because it was a data privacy issue. But if you're not sure, err on the side of telling your boss early—it's easier to manage a problem when it's small. Luna: But won't telling your boss make you look incompetent? Lucas: Actually, it's the opposite. Most managers respect a leader who catches their own mistakes and surfaces them quickly. What kills your credibility is hiding it and then having it blow up later. That's the 'trust tax'—you pay double. Luna: So what's the script for telling your boss? I feel like that's a moment people freeze up in. Lucas: Simple: don't start with a long preamble. Just say, 'I need to flag a mistake I made. Here's what happened, here's the impact, and here's my plan to fix it.' That's it. You're showing you're in control, not the mistake is in control of you. Luna: And what if your boss reacts badly? Like, they yell at you or lose trust anyway? Lucas: That might happen, especially if it's a high-stakes mistake. But here's the thing: you can't control their reaction. What you can control is your response. You stay calm, you don't get defensive, you listen to their concerns, and you reiterate your plan. Over time, if you deliver on that plan, trust starts to rebuild. Luna: So there's a difference between a mistake and a pattern of behavior. How do you tell them apart? Lucas: A mistake is a one-time event, a pattern is a repeated behavior. So if you make a mistake and then you learn from it, that's a mistake. But if you make the same mistake twice, that's a pattern, and it's a much bigger problem. The team will forgive a mistake, but they won't forgive a pattern. Luna: That's a good distinction. So when do you stop apologizing and just start performing? Lucas: After you've acknowledged the mistake, taken corrective action, and you're in the phase of consistent behavior—that's when you stop talking about it and let your actions speak. If you keep apologizing after you've already made the fix, you're just undermining your own confidence. Luna: So the goal is to get back to normal as quickly as possible, but not so quickly that you skip the hard part. Lucas: Exactly. And I think that's the hardest balance for new managers. They want to move past it, but if you don't do the work, the trust deficit stays. So you have to be patient with the process, but also know when to let it go. Luna: You mentioned the salary email example—do you think that manager could have done anything differently to avoid it altogether? Lucas: Sure. They could have double-checked the distribution list, or set up a delay on their email, or had a policy of never sending sensitive data without a second set of eyes. But that's the thing—most mistakes are preventable with better systems. So the real lesson is to build those systems before you need them. Luna: What about the team's reaction? How do you handle it if some people are still angry or resentful after you've done everything right? Lucas: You have to give it time. Trust is rebuilt through repeated interactions over weeks and months. If you've been transparent and consistent, most people will come around. But there might be one or two who take longer, and that's okay. You just keep being consistent, and you don't take it personally. Luna: So the bottom line is: own it, fix it, and then prove it over time. Lucas: That's the whole episode, right there. Own it, fix it, and prove it over time. And if you're a new manager in that situation right now, just know that everyone makes mistakes—it's what you do next that defines you. Luna: And maybe the next time you're about to hit send on something sensitive, you'll think of that bank manager and take an extra second. Lucas: Funny you should say that—I actually have a rule now: if it's sensitive, I draft it, step away, and come back to it before sending. It's saved me more than once. Luna: That's a good habit. I think that's a takeaway for all of us, manager or not. Lucas: For sure. So here's to getting back up when you stumble. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you next time.