Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Handle Burnout Without Quitting
Transcript
- Lucas: So you've been a manager for about four months now. The honeymoon is over. And you've started to notice something — you're exhausted in a way that feels different from just being busy. Luna: Different how? Like, more tired than usual? Lucas: Yeah, but it's not just the hours. It's that you're absorbing everyone else's problems — their deadlines, their moods, their messes — and you've got no clean line between where your job ends and their work begins. Luna: That sounds really familiar. I remember my first year managing, I'd get home and just stare at the wall. I wasn't even doing that much more work, but I was carrying everyone's stuff. Lucas: Exactly. And that's the thing — burnout for new managers isn't usually the dramatic 'I can't get out of bed' kind. It's the slow, creeping exhaustion that comes from being the emotional sponge for your team while you're still figuring out your own role. Luna: So what's the actual difference between normal stress and burnout? When should someone start worrying? Lucas: Stress is when you feel like you're working hard and there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Burnout is when the tunnel starts to feel like it's just your permanent residence. You lose interest in projects you used to love, you feel cynical about team wins, you start snapping at small things. That's the signal. Luna: And there's data on this, right? I remember reading a Gallup study that managers are actually more likely to report burnout than their reports. Which feels backwards — you'd think the people with more control would be fine. Lucas: Right, and that's from 2025, so it's pretty fresh. Gallup found that managers rate their burnout higher than individual contributors. And the reason is that managers have this unique double burden — you're responsible for your own work, but you're also responsible for buffering your team from organizational chaos. That's exhausting. Luna: So what can a new manager actually do in those first ninety days to keep from tipping over? Lucas: First, let's talk about the 'thinking block.' One of the things that burns new managers out is that they never get a moment to think — they're just in reactive mode all day, putting out fires. So block out an hour a week, at the same time, where you do nothing but strategic thinking about your team. Not your to-do list, not email. Just 'where are we going, what's the biggest thing I need to solve this month.' Luna: That's so counterintuitive because it feels like you're not 'working.' But I remember when I did that, I actually got more done the rest of the week because I wasn't constantly re-deciding priorities. Lucas: Exactly. And the second thing is learning to say 'let me get back to you' instead of solving everything on the spot. When you're a new manager, there's this pressure to have an answer for everything. But every time you answer immediately, you're training your team to bring you every little question. And you're burning out faster. Luna: Yeah, I love that. It's basically buying yourself time to think and also teaching your team to be more independent. But what about the emotional side? I mean, you're absorbing your team's stress all day. How do you deal with that? Lucas: That's where the third piece comes in: build a peer group. Find three or four other new managers — inside or outside your company — who you can vent to and swap strategies with. Not your boss, not your direct reports. Just people who get what you're going through. Luna: That makes so much sense. I always felt like I was burdening my boss with my problems, but another first-time manager just gets it. And you can be honest with them in a way you can't with your team. Lucas: Right. And there's a practical reason it works, too — you get to hear how other people handle the same situations. Like, 'how do you deal with a direct report who keeps missing deadlines?' You realize you're not the only one, and that's hugely reassuring. Luna: So we've got the thinking block, the 'let me get back to you' boundary, and the peer group. Anything else that's helped you specifically? Lucas: One more — say no to things. Not just to your team, but to your own boss. When you're new, you want to prove you can handle everything. But every 'yes' to a random project is a 'no' to something your team actually needs. And that 'no' is hard, but it protects your team's capacity and your own. Luna: What about the warning signs? Like, if someone's already feeling burned out, what should they look for? Lucas: The big three are exhaustion, cynicism, and feeling ineffective. If you're exhausted all the time, if you're starting to think 'why do I even care,' and if you feel like nothing you do matters — those are the red flags. And the earlier you catch them, the easier they are to reverse. Luna: So what do you do if you recognize those signs in yourself? Like, you're already there. Is it too late? Lucas: It's never too late, but you need to be systematic. First, name it — literally say 'I'm burned out' to yourself and maybe to your boss if you trust them. Then, go back to the basics: cut your hours to something sustainable, even if that means saying no to a few things. And use your peer group — that's exactly what they're for. Luna: That's really practical. And I think it's worth saying that burnout isn't a weakness — it's a signal that your system isn't sustainable. And a lot of new managers feel like they should just tough it out. Lucas: Absolutely. And the sooner you treat it as a problem to solve, not a badge of honor, the better. Look, you're not going to be a good manager if you're running on empty. So taking care of yourself isn't selfish — it's part of the job. Luna: Quick thing — and this is a bit of a tangent, but it's related. We're a small podcast, and a handful of listeners chip in monthly through buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. That's genuinely what keeps us making these episodes. So if you've gotten something out of this conversation, and you've got a few bucks, it helps. Lucas: Yeah, honestly, it's the listener support that keeps this show ad-free and going. No pressure at all, but if it's made a difference for you, we appreciate it. Luna: Alright, back to burnout. One question I get a lot: is there a difference between being tired and being burned out? How do you tell? Lucas: Tired is when you need a good night's sleep or a weekend. Burned out is when the weekend doesn't help. You dread Sunday night — not because you're avoiding a specific thing, but because you just don't want to go back to that weight. That's a different beast. Luna: So what's the first step if someone's in that place right now? They're listening and thinking 'that's me'. Lucas: First step is to stop and take stock. Write down everything that's actually on your plate — all the things you're carrying. Then circle the ones that only you can do. You'll likely find that a good chunk of it can be delegated, or is even lower priority than you think. That alone can relieve a lot of pressure. Luna: And what about the emotional side? How do you stop carrying your team's stress? Lucas: That's harder. It takes practice to separate 'their problem' from 'my problem.' One technique that works is to ask yourself, 'is this my responsibility to solve, or is it my responsibility to support?' If it's support, you don't have to own the outcome. That mental shift offloads a huge amount of weight. Luna: That's a great reframe. I've never heard it put that way. 'Support, not own.' I'm going to remember that. Lucas: And one last thing — don't neglect your physical health. Burnout is as much a physiological thing as a psychological one. Sleep, movement, eating something other than coffee — all of that matters more than you'd think. It's not a substitute for fixing the root causes, but it gives you the energy to do that work. Luna: So, if you're a new manager and you're feeling that creeping exhaustion, the takeaway is: block time to think, learn to say 'let me get back to you,' build a peer group, say no, and watch for the early signs. And if you're already in the thick of it, start by taking stock and shifting from 'owning' to 'supporting.' Lucas: That's a solid summary. And remember — burnout is a signal that something needs to change, not a judgment on your abilities. The fact that you're noticing it and want to fix it is a good sign. Most people just push through until they crash. Luna: I think that's the real lesson. Managing is a marathon, not a sprint, and you've got to pace yourself. Thanks for listening, everyone. We'll catch you next time.