Latest / The Kathie Owen Perspective Podcast / 55. Proven Steps to Help You Stop Thinking About the Past

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55. Proven Steps to Help You Stop Thinking About the Past · The Kathie Owen Perspective Podcast

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Today, we're talking about overthinking and I titled today's mind map, proven steps to help you stop thinking about the past.
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You're listening to the stop, the mind screw podcast.
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I'm your host, Kathie Owen certified fitness trainer and life coach since 2002, teaching others.
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Stop the mind screw process.
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On this channel we talk about fitness, wellness, mindset, habits, and some Reality Transurfing.
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We're talking about overthinking and how to stop thinking about the past.
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How many times have you thought to yourself?
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I sure wish I would stop thinking about that.
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Or why am I obsessing over that past experience?
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Or this thinking is really getting me all worked up.
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How in the heck can I?.
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Well, today's episode is all about this very thing and no, and N O it is not your fault.
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We all do this, and I'm gonna tell you exactly why and what you can do about it right now, when it comes to thinking and obsessing about the past, I immediately jump to thought habits.
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We are going to address the very best and scientifically proven ways to confront those thought habit.
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And find success once.
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And for all, I have become obsessed with behavior modification as a certified fitness trainer and life coach since 2002, because if I can help my clients create a habit via behavior modification then, and only then can I teach them true fitness strategies that will work for them?
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The tips I give you today, come from books like Innercise.
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The power of habit, atomic habits, and even the slight edge, and I'll have links to all the books in the show notes and the description.
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And yeah, I kind of geek out on books when talking about ruminating about the past.
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I definitely could not go without mentioning my all time.
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Favorite author, Eckhart, Tolle his books like the Power of Now and my all time, very favorite number one book, ever A New Earth and they discuss things like the present moment, letting go of negative feelings with ease and even letting go of stories we tell ourselves that are actually holding us back.
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Let's talk about why we ruminate on the past.
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Our brains are automatically programmed to notice the negative before the positive.
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And this response comes from our caveman days when scary things were really scary and our brains habitually pace us into fight or flight as a response to negative emotions.
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This puts us in a place where we ruminate on negative thoughts, unwanted thoughts, and even intrusive thoughts.
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It's actually a safety measure and we need to be afraid of that.
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So-called bear in the woods.
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The good news is that it is not your fault that you ruminate on the past.
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It is only a habit and guess what habits can be changed.
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And today I'm gonna give you 10 steps to overcome the bad habit I put"bad" in quotes.
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As of obsessing over the past.
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A different perspective that you may have not even thought of to shift those emotional reactions to something more powerfully and especially during those difficult times.
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So what makes me an expert in quotes again on this topic?
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Well, in 2004, I was diagnosed with complex post traumatic stress disorder.
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I grew up in a household where I was told I would never amount to anything at a very young age.
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And then in my twenties, I married a narcissist who left me for a stripper who then became obsessed with becoming my children's mother.
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She could have my husband for sure.
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I tie a bow on him, but my children.
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Um, that's another story.
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Talk about a mama bear in the woods.
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I was also bullied out of my children's lives with a custody battle that lasted 14 years.
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All of those things could have left me with a complete victim mentality and rightfully so, but I'm here to tell you there is another way,.
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You know, life is not fair, bad things happen.
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But what does change is your attitude, your thought habits and how you look at things?
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William James said," the greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another".
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I add to that quote, um, despite what is going on in your world, I'd like to add.
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Professional help is definitely something to seek when you're ruminating over the past.
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If you were like I was 20 years ago, I highly recommend seeking professional help.
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Those anxious thoughts will hurt you and you need a better understanding of the different ways we process bad memories, past thoughts and worst case scenarios, situations.
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I had years of evolution, I let go of the past in a healthy way.
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I spent six years in therapy with a wonderful therapist and she actually saved my life.
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And my mental health condition does not hold me back, but actually empowers me to teach others what I learned from past mistakes.
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And I wouldn't even call'em mistakes.
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I'd call'em past opportunities.
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You know, I'm in a good place right now, and there is nothing that can replace the help of mental health professionals.
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Mine truly saved my life.
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It was the best thing to come out of all of this.
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There is a positive way out of this and good times lie ahead.Today.
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I'm gonna give.
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Those 10 possible solutions to leave that negative thinking in your past and before long, you'll be living the happiest time of your life.
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Despite the negative aspects that go on around you, these steps are outlined in my hot habit checklist.
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I invite you to download my hot habit checklist, and I'm going to go over that in just a moment, but it's a checklist that I go over with all of my clients to help them start creating healthy habits, healthy lifestyle, healthy thought habits.
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And today we're gonna talk about that, but you can download the hot habit checklist at www.kathieowen.com/habits I'll have a link in the description and the show notes.
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Step number one is awareness.
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You know, awareness is key.
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And if you go around with blinders on, you will never experience what is truly meant to be a happy place for you.
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Negative thinking can con contribute to problems such as social anxiety, depression, stress, and even low self-esteem.
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And the key to changing your negative thoughts is to understand how you think.
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And the problems that come as a result of that thinking then use the strategies listed here to change those thoughts, or make them have less of an effect.
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And I'm going to give you those strategies here, which leads me to step number two, and that's changes in identity in his book.
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Atomic habits, James Clear tells us that there are three layers of change.
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One of the most powerful changes you can make in your life is a change in identity.
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About 12 years ago, I used to tell my story to everyone who would listen.
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And boy, that sob story really got a lot of attention.
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My ex is very wealthy and he often used his money in our power struggles.
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And the drama involved in these stories was better than the movie, the war of the roses with popcorn and extra butter.
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But I learned from Eckhart Tolle that these were just stories I was telling, and I was doing more harm than good.
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Eckhart says that having a story actually strengthens the ego and keeps us stuck.
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However, we don't have to stay there.
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He says we can learn to shift our inner narrative, release the ego and align ourselves with the peace of the present moment.
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When you shift the narrative, you switch your identity.
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When changing your beliefs and your worldview, your self image, your judgements about yourself and others, you actually let go of these past experiences and repetitive thoughts with ease.
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Most of the beliefs, assumptions, and biases you hold are associated with your identity, but how does one change their identity?
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It's easier than you might think.
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And that leads me to step number three.
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Step number three is a recipe for sustained success.
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Also in the book, atomic habits, James clear tells us that changing your beliefs.
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Isn't nearly as hard as you might think.
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They're actually just two steps.
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Decide the type of person you want to become..
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And then prove it to yourself with small wins, picture, future events in your mind, how would the person you want to become handle themselves, picture yourself in detail.
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What do you look like?
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What does it feel like?
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What is your body language?
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Like?
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How do you talk and how do you feel when you practice this on a regular basis?
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It actually becomes true.
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You may have heard me talk about this before, but I have what I call a dream big page in my notion journal on this page.
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I insert images of what I want to do.
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I write about the exact person I want to become.
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I write a gratitude journal in future tense, and I can tell you from experience, this works wonders.
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Actually I'm constantly having to update my journal.
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Why?
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Because what I wanted has become to be, and I have to dream bigger.
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Hence this is why I call it the dream big page.
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Um, pun intended.
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Step number four, changing your processes.
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This level ha is concerned with changing your habits and systems.
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Imple implementing a new routine at the gym, decluttering your desk for a better workflow and developing a meditation practice to calm the mind.
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Most of the habits you build are associated with this level while dreaming big.
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In my journal, I also found that I needed to change my processes to become the person I wanted to be.
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I needed new routines, new workflows and practices.
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The thing is you only need to be 1% better today than yesterday.
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You know, that's a slight edge principle that really works, and it comes from the book, the slight edge by Jeff Olson, you wanna identify the processes you need to perform to end that thought cycle of obsessing over the past or that bear in the woods.
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Step number five is changing your outcomes.
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This level is associated with changing your results.
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Like you want to lose weight or publish a book or even win a championship.
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Most of the goals you set are associated with this level of change.
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And so many stay stuck in this place for a long time.
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Why?
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Because we know what we want, but we have a hard time finding out how to get.
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Most of us are really good at knowing what outcome we want.
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I mean, you found this episode, right?
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And I'm proud of you you've listened or watched this far.
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You wanna stop obsessing over the past.
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The key difference is applying all 10 steps so you can find success and we have four more to go create friction.
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When it comes to bad habits, we know the negative impacts.
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That come from overthinking about our past.
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It really is not anything we can change and is actually an irrational thought.
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And those are also unhelpful thoughts.
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So how can we create friction when it comes to thinking about those past thoughts?
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There is a saying that goes like this.
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It is easier to avoid temptation than it is to resist.
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So ask yourself, how can I avoid thinking about those past hurts?
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And I do not mean avoidance, like jumping on TikTok and scrolling endlessly to avoid thinking altogether, um, that may work for a little while, but it is not healthy.
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What happens when you practice an unhealthy habit is your brain releases, dopamine and other hormones that make you feel better.
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For a little bit.
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So how can we release those good feeling hormones in a healthy way, find a hobby.
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And I highly recommend focusing on these five types of hobbies, you know, a hobby that makes you healthy and keeps you in shape.
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Mine is fitness, a hobby that makes you money.
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Mine is fitness.
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A hobby that helps you CR your creativity.
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Mine is photography and writing a hobby that builds knowledge.
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Mine is reading and listening to podcasts and books, a hobby that grows your mindset.
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Mine is meditation and all of the above.
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Don't know where to start.
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Your first small step is to pick one and go from there.
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And I only listed mine to give you some inspiration.
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Pro tip, find a hobby that builds the identity.
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You seek number seven, set clear goals.
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We've all experienced that awkward moment where we are asked, what are your goals?
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Oh my gosh.
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I have.
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None, not even one realistic goal.
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When we have no real goals, we lack direction and focus.
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Our predictivity is shot.
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And so is our motivation.
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What's the solution set clear goals.
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Setting clear goals helps trigger new behaviors.
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It helps guide your focus and it helps you sustain that momentum in life goals.
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Also help align your focus and promote a sense of self mastery.
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In the end, you can imagine what you don't measure and you can improve upon something that you don't properly manage.
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Number eight, find harmony between challenge and.
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The key word here is harmony.
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The challenge will arise for all of us, but change your perspective on the challenge.
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Look at the challenge as a contribution to your success.
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We are all met with challenges in real life.
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It is part of being human.
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As I stated earlier, life is not fair, but when you change your perspective on it, things change.
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I hit challenges all the time.
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Like even a few weeks ago, my email service provider went completely down on me and the team that manages it was at a convention.
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And I had planned on working on my email automations all day that day.
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And it is quite a challenging task and I had the time to work on it, but.
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My email service provider was completely down.
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In fact, I had an email scheduled to go out that day and it was totally lost.
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I mean, especially as entrepreneurs, we hit challenges like this all the time.
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Maybe I started this episode and forgot to hit record.
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That's happened before too, but instead of feeling sorry for myself.
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Fuming over something that will probably be E easily fixed in a few hours.
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And it was, I moved on to another challenge in my business, and that was writing this article that has to do with this episode.
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You know, the way I look at things is different from others.
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I find harmony in all situations and I don't let.
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Situations like my email service provider or not hitting record disturb my peace.
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I see that.
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Challenge as a contribution to my success.
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And I see it as working to my advantage, always if I forgot to hit record, well, guess what if I got this far into my episode, I still would be like, well, maybe I didn't say what I was supposed to say, and I need to rerecord it because every time I hit record and I record something, I'm like, I kind of wish I had said that.
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I kind of wish I had said that and it didn't happen.
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And so I look at it as like, well, guess.
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I get to say that this time I call it God, but you can call it what you like.
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You know, the universe, infinite intelligence.
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Jesus.
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I look at the world as always taking care of me and even when, so called bad things happen.
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When I do this, I find flow in every single thing I do.
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I make a conscious effort to do this too.
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I take responsibility for my own actions instead of dwelling on past traumas or traumatic events in general, I take responsibility for what's going on in my world and find harmony between challenge and skill and truly it's easy.
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Really.
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Actually a whole lot easier than blaming my email service provider and fuming over it for hours for falling short today, you know, it's not their fault, but really something that's working to my advantage.
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Here's a pro tip start a gratitude journal and use your imagination, all problems, so-called problems, and so-called bad things that happen to you.
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See them happening in your world and find a way to be grateful.
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An example of that entry could be, um, thank you for the flat tire today.
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That meant that I missed out on that horrible accident I saw on TV.
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I barely missed that.
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Those highlights are actually my imagination at.
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So, like, I just put my imagination to work.
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Maybe there wasn't even an accident, but I just put that out there.
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And I look at it as always being protected and guided.
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And when you look at it that way, it changes first of all, the way you think and the way that your world becomes it is dreaming big.
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I'm serious.
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Number nine expect failures.
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You know, it's not, if you are going to fail bow in hate to be a party pooper, but it's true.
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Failure is part of life.
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Expect it.
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Plan for it.
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You will make mistakes.
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You are human.
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Failures are part of the journey to success.
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Every one of us faces setbacks, but it's how you look at the setbacks that makes all the difference in the world plan for failure.
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When you plan for failure, you know, that's just part of the journey on the way to the destination.
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And you are just one step closer to where you wanna be.
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And guess what the destination is always changing.
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How will you face that fact when you get there, failing in life helps to build resilience.
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The more we fail, the more resilient we become in order to achieve great success.
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We must know resilience.
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Pro tip here is a great book on.
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Planning for failure.
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It's called the obstacle is the way by Ryan holiday.
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I told you I was a book meek, number 10, embody the new way of thinking.
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When you actually embody the new identity, you are trying to get to you.
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Get in the zone.
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Also known as flow from the book flow by Mihali Cheszehmi you know, much like a professional athlete who embodies the sport, he or she is playing the entire premise of stop.
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The mind screw is to get you in to flow.
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When you're in flow, you actually become what is called autotelic.
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What does that mean?
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An autotelic personality means your goals are intrinsic.
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That means your goals come from the inside.
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Your work is immersive.
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You get into your job and you just like enjoy it.
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And your attention is unwavering and your work is inherently enjoyable.
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And let me add to that.
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You quit dwelling on the past and you enjoy the present moment.
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So take, for example, my situation.
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My email service provider went down and I had planned on working on my email automations.
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I looked at that differently and I just said, okay, I'm gonna put this down and walk away.
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I could have gone for a walk.
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I could have, you know, taken a shower.
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I don't know, whatever gets me back into the zone.
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What I did actually was I decided to write this post because I knew that was also on my list of things to do, which is a never ending list of things to do.
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So I grabbed that.
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That meant that my goal was intrinsic.
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I became AIC.
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It came from my inside.
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That was my goal.
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And I got it done.
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And honestly, this has been one of my most popular blog posts lately, because I feel like it's really solid, really good, got lots of great ideas in it.
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And I was in flow when I wrote.
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My work was immersive.
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I got in the zone while I was writing this article.
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I got really into flow and my attention was not wavering.
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I stayed on the topic.
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I stayed on my journey and I did it and I had fun and I left the other problem behind.
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And guess what?
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When I came back to my email service provider, everything was fixed.
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The next.
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I don't know that could have been part of my gratitude thing.
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Thank you for my email service provider going down, because guess what I wrote an awesome article and is very popular and I'm now making it into a video look, you know, I quit dwelling on.
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Being angry at the email service provider, which I easily could have because it was a huge glitch that was going on.
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I mean, everything went down.
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I could have been very angry at them, but I let it go.
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And I trusted the process, you know, isn't that the answer that you're looking for to quit dwelling on the past and enjoy the present moment, life is so much more fun that way.
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I'm just saying.
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So in conclusion, Every single one of us overthinks and has to deal with problems and issues, perhaps every single day.
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It is the perspective that makes all the difference in the world.
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There are 10 steps in the hot habit checklist that I actually apply to everything in my world, including overthinking about your past.
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And those 10 steps we talked about today, they are number one awareness.
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Number two, change your identity in your mind.
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Number three, a recipe for sustained success.
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Decide the type of person you want to be, and then prove it to yourself.
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With small wins.
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Number four, change your processes.
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Number five, change your outcomes.
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Number six, create friction when it comes to bad habits.
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Number seven, set clear goals.
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Number eight, find harmony between challenge and skill number nine, expect failures and number 10 embody the new way of thinking.
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Thank you for spending part of your day with me.
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If you enjoyed this episode and you know, someone who will find it beneficial, please share it with them.
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And until next time I'll see you next time Peace Out and Namaste..