Latest / Hey Docs! / The Tipping Point: Mastering Work, Life, and Passion

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The Tipping Point: Mastering Work, Life, and Passion · Hey Docs!

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Welcome to the Hey Docs podcast with your host Jill Allen. Today we have
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a returning guest, doctor Robert Trehio, joining us on the show. Last
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episode, we learned all about his company, Orthovated, and how he helps
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practices with clinical onboarding, and on this episode we're focusing on another passion of
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his coaching and mental health. There's a lot to unpack, so let's get
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into it. By now, we all know I talk to a lot of
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doctors and give advice to practices in every stage of their life cycle. And
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one question my docs ask all the time is who do you recommend for marketing
0:44
to attract more new patients from the internet. My answer easy. I have
0:49
been recommending Mary K. Miller and her team at Kaleidoscope for the better part
0:54
of a decade. Why they are thorough, professional and transparent. Kaleidoscope Digital
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mart Marketing is who you want to talk to because they understand how to market
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in the orthodonic world, and they offer tools that are affordable and easy to
1:07
use. I'm telling you, if you're looking to step up your digital presence,
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Kaleidoscope should be your first call. Go to contact kl dot com to
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request your free digital marketing consultation. That's contact kl dot com. Robert.
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I am so excited to have you on the show again. Oh yes,
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good morning, Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here today.
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Yeah. So, in the event that somebody maybe didn't catch our first
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episode with you, would you mind just giving us a quick little intro onto
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who you are, what you're doing in our orthodonic industry, and what your
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mission is beyond being an orthodonist. Yeah. So I'm Robert True. I've
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been in practice as an orthodonist for ten years. I'm a father, I
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have two daughters, seven and ten, and my wife of almost going on
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twenty years, which is crazy how fast time's gone by. Avid Hiker.
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I love the outdoors and hiking and just being in nature. I'm an astrophotographer.
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That's something I like to do as my one of my favorite passions.
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And I really have always been really drawn to like psychology and the psychology of
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behavior and behavior change and just kind of creating our best life. So,
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you know, my mission really from that has been really to help you know,
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ten million people to create the life that they really want for themselves.
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So that's really my overall mission outside of orthodonics, and I created a business
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called Ortho Life Coach. It's not just for Orthodonis, it was really more
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it was more really about like orthodonists correcting malaclusions. So you know, of
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course I'm a giant nerd. I created like the malclusions of life. We
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have our like class one, Class two Division two life. What kind of
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things can we do and systems can we use to kind of start to realign
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our life and create like a good foundation for a healthy life where we can
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achieve our goals. I love it. And you talk to us a little
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bit about Orthovate on the last podcast, And to know now that you're also
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doing this, I mean, what a great passion you have for really trying
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to get out there and help you know, not only some of the systems
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within our industry, but also the doctors within our industry. And that's really
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what I want to talk to you about today because I feel like, you
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know, I talk with doctors all the time. I've been, you know,
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in this industry for over thirty years now, and you know you can't
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help do consulting and not talk about when I'm talking one on one with my
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doctors. You know, what are you wanting out of this, Especially when
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I'm talking to startups, you know, what, why are you getting into
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this, what are you wanting out of this? What are your goals?
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And you know, Unfortunately, I also talk to a lot of doctors who've
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been doing it for a while and just get to this point where they are
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so burnt out and they are just feeling like this was what I went to
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school for, I did all this work. I actually just talked to a
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doctor this week and we're kind of having a pretty in depth conversation and kind
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of sometimes just hitting this wall and it's like, you feel like, is
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this all there is? Like I feel like I don't have this balance,
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you know, I do feel like, you know, some of us just
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really get to this point where it's all work and you're like, you know,
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I don't have time for anything else, which I should I should have
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time for. So I'm wondering if you could kind of just talk to us
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about that, the elusive work life balance. Yeah, no, that is
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such an important question. And first I just want to acknowledge, you know,
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that burnout is like it's real and it is one of the most terrible,
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like hard things to go through. One of the most challenging things we
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can go through, and if we're really in like a full state of burnout,
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it can feel almost impossible to get out of that at times. And
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you know, work life balance, so many people think that it's you know,
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oh, it's not real, it's not it's not this, it's not
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that. But I do think that we still need to show up for ourselves
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and you know, put an effort into restoring balance in our life. Just
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because you know, we might believe that something's impossible to balance doesn't mean we
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just give ourself permission to ignore other areas of our lives. And I like
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to call it work life oscillation, because we really are kind of like oscillating
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between different important areas of our life, like focusing on work and on the
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connection with our team perhaps, and then like the next week, really focusing
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on our you know, our mayorage, you know, kind of dedicating some
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chunks of time for that, and really oscillating between the things so that we
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can overall kind of score ourselves in different areas of our life. So I
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think one of the first things we can do to really get through this emotion
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of a burnout or to start to restore work life balance in our life.
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The first thing we can do that's really important is to get a bird's eye
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view of what's going on in your life. If we step back and we
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do a whole life audit of all of the like eight main areas of our
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life, and you know, those might be like your physical environment like your
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house or your garage or your bedroom, like you know, the organization of
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it. It might be your business in your career, it would be your
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maybe your finances could be one area that you would kind of score and evaluate
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an audit your relationships, your romance, your fund and recreation, all of
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these things. We need to go through and ask ourselves honestly, like where
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am I in this area? Like out of one to ten, I'm you
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know, maybe I'm a five? Like why am I out of five there?
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Like what is going on? What is what is causing me to score
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myself a five? And then going through and kind of ranking each of those
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areas of our lives is going to give us like a really powerful overview of
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the areas in our lives that actually need our attention most. And that's going
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to help us like know where we need to focus our energy and then what
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we could do next is kind of rank. You know, I'm a five,
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where would I like to be, like for me to like feel like
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I'm getting some balance back in my life? Like, what does this number
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need to be now? It doesn't need to be a ten in every area,
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Like you don't have to be like I want to be a ten in
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every single category. Sometimes it's not as important to you know, to have
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our personal environment be a ten where everything's like immaculately like organized or whatnot.
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But really what it is for you and why you scored yourself that way,
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what would have to happen to achieve that score, all of those things,
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and kind of getting an idea of what the difference is. So if you
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score like you want to be a nine, but you're a two, that's
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a discrepancy or a difference of seven, So that's a priority number seven.
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Whereas if the difference is like you know, a seven and a nine,
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that's a two. So when it comes to solving our work life balance and
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our burnout and kind of like getting to the root of it, we really
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need to know where to focus first. So by picking like the biggest discrepancy
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or the biggest priority, that's going to help us know where to start.
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I think that so many people high achievers, especially like we're so good at
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accomplishing so much that we try to do it all at once and it becomes
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basically overwhelming and impossible. And it's kind of like if you were if you
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were carving a statue, you'd have to visualize what it's going to look like
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first. You need clarity of what you're making. You can't just like,
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you know, blindly chip away at it. But you would also start on
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maybe the hand and you would like start to take shape, and then you'd
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kind of maybe work on the arm, and then you might move over to
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you know, the ear or whatever. And in life, you know,
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we have to do that too. We can't just like fix everything all at
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once. And just like building a house, like we need to have a
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plan. Like you can't build a house by going in any order you want.
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You can't start with the roof and then do the foundation. So by
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knowing like our priority scores and knowing like this area needs my attention the most,
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maybe it's not the most important, but this is the biggest discrepancy,
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Like I need to fix that first, because once I fix that, all
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other areas almost like kind of elevate on their own. With that as well,
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you were saying that the point that's stuck out to me is that priority
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point, and I've never thought about, you know, sometimes we just get
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in the habit of thinking I just need to fix this, fix this,
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fix this, and it can feel so overwhelming, you know at times.
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You know, I joke sometimes when I just have a day where I may
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be seemingly failing at a lot, you know, and I say to myself,
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well, I'm really winning today, you know. And really I think
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it's trying to give ourselves a little bit of grace, you know. And
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as you said, you know, especially as high achievers, we're trying to
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for so many of you out there listening. You're trying to be this great
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business owner. You're trying to be there for your team, You're trying to
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be there for your family, and trying to find, you know, identify,
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well, where is the priority of where I work? And I love
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that you're talking about bringing this back to It's not just work or family or
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family or spiritual walk or health or this. You know, it's kind of
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this wheel that we have to have to look at. And you know,
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try and do our best to kind of identify the areas there. Would you
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agree with kind of what I'm saying there, Oh, absolutely, yeah.
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I think it's not you know, it's not a mathematical equation we're solving.
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It's not balancing like Jenga, Like there is no perfect way to do it.
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And there's a really powerful story I'd heard somewhere years ago. It's like
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an old like zen tradition where people would get up every day you may have
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heard this, and they paint a circle every day, like they paint like
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the perfect circle. But the reality is, no circle is perfect, even
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in modern science. Like it's impossible to make a perfect circle. It's just
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the nature of like pie basically, and no matter how hard you try,
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if you zoom in close enough, like, it's never a perfect circle.
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But you get up every day knowing it's not possible for me to draw this
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perfect circle. But I'm going to try my best anyway, and I'm going
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to literally try, which is hard to do because you know it's never going
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to be perfect. Really applies to this circle of life or the wheel of
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life that we're talking about, like going in every day and really like making
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an effort kind of on those areas, even knowing that it's not going to
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be perfect, and that's really hard for perfectionists to do that, to have
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purpose, to feel like is this it is? This all it is?
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That's a real feeling. And I've felt that way before too, But I
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think remembering like, no, we create our own passion. We create our
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things that we're passionate about through action and through doing, rather than just waiting
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for it to strike you. You know, I'm not exactly sure how this
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correlates, but what I see so many of my doctors doing is sometimes they
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correlate late happiness or success with these really really big high goals or big,
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big big aspirations, And sometimes, you know, in talking to them,
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I can't help but think, you know, number one, is this your
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goal or aspiration or is this maybe somebody else's or the pressure that you feel
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just from within our own industry. Oh, if you don't have six practices,
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you're a nobody. Or if you don't have a practice that's a four
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billion plus practice, you're I just got to think, does there come a
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point when you're talking with docs or maybe you're counseling with them a little bit
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where you just kind of have to be like, you know, when is
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too much too much? Or when is that goal too big? Or when
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do we actually need to kind of bring ourselves back into check. No,
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that's a really really powerful question as well, because I think that's a common
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issue. I think that well, kind of stepping back to the exercise we
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just talked about, like grading yourself in each area of your life, like
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if you're a five and you want to be a ten. So that difference
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is actually, in psychology what we would call the reality gap. So a
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reality gap is the life you're living right now really in reality compared to the
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expectation of the life you want to be at or where you want to be.
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So that difference is known as the reality gap. And having a really
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really large reality gap is known in the literature to be linked with depression.
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It causes psychological stress and suffering. Now, pain is something that is inevitable,
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it's a part of being human. We're all going to experience pain.
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But when we feel hopeless to actually fix it, that is by definition suffering.
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So we're all going to feel pain, and what we really need are
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the tools and the resources to be able to like manage that pain healthy and
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not become so fixated to it that we're creating suffering or hopelessness that we're just
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like never going to do this. So I think to you know, answer
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that question, like, yes, we can crush ourselves under our goals,
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But I don't think it's the goal that's crushing us as much as it is
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the lack of clarity as much as it is the I guess lack of a
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plan in proper goals to achieve that. So we need to we can't just
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have a goal to get a six pack and be this or that right,
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or to build this like like oh this year, I'm gonna you know,
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have this three million dollar practice or whatever, because if we don't have a
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plan to actually close that reality gap or sent the skills to close that reality
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gap, then it's not going to close. So kind of understanding that like
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closing your reality gap is it's going to require new level skills. Like what
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you've done this far in your life has got you to where you are,
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but if you want to get somewhere else, you're going to have to learn,
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you know, new ways of doing things or new skills along the way
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to be able to close that and actually having a plan in place. I
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think closing a reality gap achieving those big goals creates something what I call the
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fulfillment paradox. Now I kind of made this up like on my own,
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but it's basically I feel like it's this idea that in psychology we know a
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reality gap causes pain and suffering, especially if we don't know how to fix
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it. But in order to feel fulfilled, we have to grow as a
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person, Like you have to grow as a person, which means you have
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to have a reality gap to close. So there are really two sides of
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the same coin. So if you're wanting to feel fulfilled in your life,
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you're going to have to have a reality gap. So not having goals or
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not having these big visions or dreams that are real for you, not for
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other people, but for you, Like this is important to you, not
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having that goal in the first place is going to eliminate your ability for fulfillment
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right there. So we need to have this reality gap, but we need
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to know how to properly close it. And I think what that leads to
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is really how to set proper goals, so how to have the tools to
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close it would be One of my favorite tools is reframing our goals. So
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if you have an emotional goal or an outcome goal, like I just want
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to stop feeling so stressed all the time, that's an emotional goal, or
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I'm so tired, I just want to feel like I have more energy,
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or I just want to feel happy. I just want to feel like there's
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more meaning to my life. Or I want my practice to make four million
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dollars, like this is what I want to happen, or I want this
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outcome or this health outcome. Those are emotional and outcome goals. And what
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we need to realize is that we can't control ultimately our thoughts and emotions like
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they just happen. We're biological being, and we can we can acknowledge them,
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but we can't always we can't really control them. That's my belief and
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the current literature belief. But you know, I'm not going to say it's
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fact for sure. But the other thing is that we can't control the outcome,
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Like we can't guarantee that we are going to get a six pack or
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that we're going to get four million dollar practice or whatever. All we can
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do is set goals that increase the probability of growing my practice to four million
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dollars, or increase the probability of getting the physique that I really want for
18:48
myself. And so that requires reframing our goals from emotional goals and outcome goals
18:55
to behavioral goals. I need to do X, Y or Z. I
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have a goal to do this, and it's all about the action and the
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behavior that's going to like create that goal, and in doing so, that's
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what's going to create I guess that momentum, the motivation, it's going to
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actually create passion, and it's going to start to create fulfillment in the journey
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in the process of it all. So but yeah, it's really I mean,
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we could go on this question for hours because there's just so much to
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it, but that would be kind of like how I would bring up like
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the fact that yes, we can crush ourselves over under our goals, but
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we don't want to like sell ourselves short or not have the right goals.
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So really knowing what your goals are for you and not someone else's goals like
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you had said, is key, But then also having the proper tools to
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be able to close our reality gap through behaviors rather than those outcome and emotional
19:55
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and see why countless leading clinics have made the switch. I just love thinking
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about that in my mind, closing that reality gap, Like it's so it's
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a great concept to hold on to and be like, oh okay, that
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makes sense to me instead of just get to your goal, thinking about like
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what is the reality of what it takes for me to close that gap to
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my end. You talked about passion a little bit, and I don't necessarily
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think that we always relate passions and goals necessarily together, and they may not
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be so kind of wondering if you can talk a little bit about that.
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Do they correlate, do they not? Can they be in tandem? How
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does that work? I do think they correlate. I feel like passion,
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you know, by definition, is basically having a compelling emotion, like towards
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something. And so what a lot of people think is that I have to
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wait for passion to strike me to like to take action, or they think
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that I have to go out and find my passion, like I don't know
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what it is. I have, you know, too many interests and I
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just I don't know what, like nothing, really I'm not emotionally compelled by
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anything. I don't know, or they just feel like they don't know what
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their passion is they can't find it. And I think what we can glean
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from the research is that passion is actually something that is created out of action.
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So we create our passions like yes, to an extent, there's things
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you're going to be drawn to and things I'm going to be drawn to that
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you know that are going to be more in line with like the person who
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I am. But in the end, we create our passions through our actions,
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and we create our motivation through our actions. If we wait for us
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for ourselves to feel motivated, like we're not going to take action. We
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have to take action, create motivation, create passion over time. And when
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it comes to setting goals, I feel like it's it's really about understanding what
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life you want to create for yourself and kind of having a little bit more
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clarity on this is the life I want to create for myself, this is
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what that you know, that wheel of life looks like for me, and
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these goals that I want for myself they're in line with that, and then
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kind of trying different things to kind of find out, like, maybe what
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are the things that give you the most passion. Also to add on that,
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I think that a lot of people think that a passion like we're so
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focused on high productivity that it's like, oh, like I can't bother with
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that because it's not producing some kind of outcome like earning money or you know,
24:44
like a side hustle or something like that, and so they basically start
24:48
eliminating all the little things out of their life that actually are really meaningful for
24:53
them in lieu of like being a more productive person. And it we can't
25:00
do that. We have to identify the things we like and make sure that
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we're we're actually doing those things. And like I said before, if we
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wait for passion to strike us, like we're going to be waiting forever.
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So we need to try different things, get out there, do different things,
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and actually see what resonates with our emotions and then actually take action in
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it to do that. I really appreciate your insight into this, and you
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know, especially with you saying, you know, sometimes we tend to just
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eliminate those little things that bring us joy, those little things that actually make
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us want to do the things that our goals are set for. Sometimes you
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don't even realize. Like I'll give an example here. I have never been
25:48
great in the kitchen. Anybody who knows me personally, you know, knows
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that my sister's a rock star. And I was, like, no joke,
25:55
the girl that failed out of HOMECH when homech used to be in school.
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But I had this goal this year to learn to bake bread, and
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not only just bread, but learn to make sourdough bread. And it is
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so funny because like you're like, well, Jill, what does that have
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to do with business. What I wanted to do was just do something for
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myself that wasn't necessarily business related. Now, did I take the business approach?
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Yes? Do I have a notebook on every single time I bake a
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loaf of bread? Yes, and what I did and how I did it
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and what worked and what didn't work? Can I get that out of my
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head? No? But what's been really fun and I'm finding maybe I'm nurturing
26:37
a little passion here with this is it's like, Oh, I did this,
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and I left my lid on a little bit longer, or I added,
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you know, I did this just a little bit different, and it's
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fun and exciting and it makes me want to try. Oh maybe I could
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put some herbs in this bread next time, and you know, and I
26:57
know that sounds so silly, but yet it's also very cathartic or you know,
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like it's kind of fun, but it's also fun to feel a little
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spark of am I passionate about making sourdough? Well, I don't know,
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but it's been kind of a fun thing that I'm doing just for me.
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That felt like, you know, that kind of has to do with a
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little bit of that passion and goals, you know, type of that thing.
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Oh, I love that I think that you kind of like brought something
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up. I think that's really profound, which is that, you know,
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passion is not an outcome. It's not the bread, it's the process,
27:33
it's the it's the creativity, it's the growth, the growing and the process.
27:38
It's the action. And you're creating passion through the action of actually doing
27:42
that. And so it's really about the learning and the challenge and like getting
27:48
the data. Data is really powerful when we like can keep that baking notebook
27:53
and get the data of you know, what we did last time, what
27:57
worked, what didn't work, and just contantly doing that, that's kind of
28:00
how we start to create that spark and we can approach our other goals that
28:04
way in life and any passion. You can create your passion in anything really
28:10
as long as we kind of have like a direction, a vision, but
28:14
most importantly an action kind of towards it. So what do you think blocks
28:19
people from I don't know, actually doing what they need to do to get
28:23
the results they want in life. I feel like, you know, like
28:27
my first like thought response would just be like one of the things would be
28:32
fear obviously, But my deep answer to that, which I'll unpack would be
28:38
the fact that we're obeying our feelings. So when we're obeying our feelings,
28:45
we're basically living a life of comfort. We are living a life basically just
28:51
doing the things that are distracting us from the things that we perceive as difficult
28:56
or challenging, and we end up creating the life that maybe we don't want
29:03
for ourselves, and we're kind of like holding that reality gap open. You
29:07
see, action is going to eliminate fear and kind of like create motivation,
29:15
in action actually fuels fear, and it fuels like complacency and lack of motivation
29:22
and really just the feeling of more hopelessness and being stuck. So to kind
29:27
of unpack that a little bit, you know, first, there was one
29:30
Mel Robbins. I don't know if you've heard of her. I just saw
29:34
something she talked about the other day. It kind of touched on like something
29:38
I've studied for a really long time now, but she said it in a
29:41
different way, and I was like, that's really brilliant. It was that
29:45
our goals are designed and created in our prefrontal cortex. They are something that
29:52
we use our higher function executive skills and we decide this is going to be
29:56
our goal, but our decisions are something that we do based on our feelings,
30:03
like this is what I feel like. And that's the problem is that
30:07
we have this goal, but we have this like older reptilian brain that doesn't
30:12
feel like doing things, that wants to conserve energy, that wants to be
30:15
safe, and whether that's real safety or perceived safety, and so we end
30:22
up basically not doing what we set out for ourselves or what goals we set
30:26
for ourselves because we want to feel that way. And so I really like
30:30
that analogy because it was like a really brilliant way to describe like my way
30:36
of describing it, which is like really long and in depth, but basically
30:41
doctor Russ Harris, he's actually he's a psychologist that kind of founded this concept
30:48
called choice point and it's part of ACT, which is acceptance commitment therapy.
30:56
I've looked into different type many different types of therapy. I've studied them,
31:00
been certified in many different branches of it. But like you know, there's
31:03
cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavioral therapy, and then you know, acceptance commitment
31:08
therapy is really a form of cognitive behavioral therapy. Which is that we basically
31:15
we get fused to our cognitions. And what that means is that we have
31:21
this thought and our thoughts and reality like get so tangled up that we can't
31:27
differentiate reality from our thoughts. So a lot of suffering in our life results
31:33
from kind of getting fused to our thoughts so deeply that it's really considered like
31:41
a disorder at this point where we're so cognitively fused to it that we can't
31:48
unhook ourselves from it. And so what happens kind of in this model I'll
31:53
explain is basically on the bottom, we have the cognitions, which would be
31:59
like like you know, our feelings, our emotions, our urges, our
32:02
physical sensations, and we have these thoughts and then what happens is we get
32:09
hooked by that thought. And this is a whole branch of psychology. It's
32:13
super nerdy. It's called functional contextualism. It basically says that every behavior starts
32:19
with an antecedens with a thought that triggers it. And so we have these
32:22
thoughts and what we do is we can either go one way or the other
32:25
way. So one way that we go is we do what what Russ Harris
32:34
describes as we do a way moves, or we do things that are moving
32:37
us away from the life we want for ourselves, like sit on the couch,
32:42
we scroll through our social media to just kind of like or maybe do
32:45
a work post, or maybe read emails, or maybe just you know,
32:50
if you're really addicted, maybe just flip around from app to app and do
32:52
nothing. And you know, we might watch TV, we might eat junk
32:59
food, we might you know, go running, we might do all these
33:00
things that are really just kind of like coping mechanisms of like that thought or
33:07
that trigger. And then on the other hand, you have all of your
33:10
values, which are things that are really really important to you. Your values
33:15
might be like your health, your fitness, your children, your spouse,
33:20
spending time with them. But we get fused by this thought and we end
33:25
up doing the away moves all the time rather than unhooking ourselves and doing the
33:32
value based action. And what mel Robbins basically kind of said so eloquently in
33:39
short, was that like the key to happiness and fulfillment and actually creating the
33:46
life you want is doing the things that you say you're going to do and
33:52
following your values. Even when you don't feel like it. And basically if
33:55
you don't feel like it, it's because you're hooked. Basically you're like,
34:00
I'm tired of physical sensation, or oh work was so stressful. I good,
34:05
and you're just kind of like ruminating. Now, these are all behaviors,
34:09
And keep in mind that worry is a behavior, like ruminating is a
34:15
behavior. Those are not like emotions necessarily, they're actually behaviors. So if
34:22
we're worrying, and what do we know about behavior, is that all behavior,
34:28
we're motivated to do it because it serves us in some way, it
34:30
gets you know, basically, So there's a reason we're worrying. We're using
34:35
worry as some kind of fuel, or there's a reason we're ruminating, and
34:38
we're basically distracting ourselves or avoiding all of the things we should be doing.
34:44
And so I think what really stops us from creating the life we really want
34:47
for ourselves is actually just like thinking about it too much. Like problems live
34:54
in our head, actions are in solutions are in our actions. We just
35:00
need to act in the way that is our higher self and kind of develop
35:04
our brain and differentiate our prefrontal cortex from our emotions, and to be able
35:09
to do that is using this kind of choice point. I love that.
35:13
And I've got to think that this totally plays into happiness, right, and
35:17
how we are in our lives, whether we're choosing happiness or letting it happen
35:23
to us. I've got to believe that this directly plays into that. Oh
35:28
definitely, yeah, I think happiness is well. According to Adleirian psychology,
35:32
the definition of like feeling happy is just the feeling of contribution. So you
35:39
know, happiness isn't necessarily something we're meant to experience, you know all the
35:45
time. You know, joy is a choice and we can like bring it
35:49
up from within, but happiness is really more of like a reaction or response
35:53
to an external event or a process of feeling like we're contributing in life.
35:59
And if you're contrying towards your future self, if you're contributing towards things that
36:05
are important to you and your actual values, you will always feel better from
36:10
doing that and happier than if you choose comfort and avoidance and maybe other distractions.
36:20
Ah, such good information, Robert, I am just like eating this
36:24
all up. I just don't want this podcast to end. It's just such
36:28
good information. So I know we are going to have to start wrapping it
36:32
up here, and I just had one more thought before you know, we
36:37
completely wrap it up. And one of the things that is so hard for
36:39
all of us is to really learn to take care of ourselves, creating the
36:45
time to be with the people that are important to us, to take the
36:51
time to really take care of ourselves. And I'm wondering if you could just
36:53
kind of finish us up with some tips on what you think we could take
36:58
away to kind of help, you know, along with us setting our goals
37:00
and some of those things, you know, the coping components of that,
37:05
maybe just also remembering that we have to take care of ourselves. Yes,
37:10
yeah, I think time is you know, that's a common thing I encounter
37:15
with a lot of my clients. You know, I wish I had more
37:17
time. I want more time with my family. I wish I had more
37:22
time to like grow my business or think even to that sort. Time is
37:28
very emotional. The reality is we all have the same amount of time.
37:30
Oftentimes we have a lot of time that we just think we don't have.
37:35
So I think one tip to really getting more time is just kind of like
37:39
accepting that you have the same amount of time as everyone and actually just doing
37:46
the things that you want to do rather than kind of, you know,
37:50
wasting time thinking about it. The biggest thing with time, I think is
37:55
boundaries. Really. When we're at work, if we're like, oh,
38:00
I want to be at home, I want to be with my kids,
38:01
or something stressful happens, you're just like why am I doing this? Then
38:06
you're basically like not fulfilling yourself in any way because you're not like living towards
38:12
your values at work. So like, what's important for me at work?
38:15
What has to happen for me to be happy at work? Like, well,
38:17
we're at work, we need to connect with those things and we need
38:22
to be that person and be present in that moment and not be you know,
38:27
distracting ourselves with all of the things outside of work. And when we're
38:30
at home, we need to be present, you know, with whatever our
38:35
values are, if that is you know, like cooking healthy meals, spending
38:38
time with your partner, like being with the you know, the kids,
38:43
playing with them, having more energy at home. But it really comes down
38:46
to boundaries because if we're not allowing ourselves those things, then it's really a
38:52
boundary problem. We think of boundaries a lot with like you know, the
38:55
in laws or other people in our life, not necessarily with ourselves, but
39:02
that is really I think one of the most common issues with people who feel
39:07
like there's just no time and they don't even have time to like be with
39:09
their kids. So really like being fully present and like turning everything off is
39:19
really the key to like feeling like you have more time. Obviously there's strategy
39:23
involved. I think the other tool with that strategy would be to start eliminating
39:31
things like we always like add things onto our plate to be more productive or
39:37
to like do a lot of different things. But the best thing we can
39:40
do is remove the things that are actually like lesser goals in our life,
39:45
like you know, do we really want to like open the coffee shop and
39:50
also build this other like practice and then like do this other little like you
39:54
know, study club thing, and then do this and then do that.
39:59
Are those really like the most important fulfilling things in your life, like we
40:02
need to go through and if we want to get more time, we need
40:06
to start eliminating the things that actually aren't moving us in the direction we want
40:10
for ourselves. Those would be I'd say the most powerful tools would be eliminating
40:16
our lesser goals and acknowledging that we do have a lot of time and that
40:22
a lot of that time is violated by our own lack of boundaries with ourselves.
40:28
And we get home with the kids and we just sit on the couch
40:30
and we you know, are stressed, burnt out thinking about work. Well,
40:35
that's a boundary issue. And if we want to feel more energy and
40:40
we want to feel more present, the only way to short circuit that is
40:46
to just act like to behave that way. And that's really the foundation of
40:51
cognitive behavioral therapy is that when you act like the person who you want to
40:55
become, you actually become that person. And you know, in the research,
41:00
we could even change our personality like introverts, you're not stuck introvert.
41:05
Extroverts not stuck extrovert like. We can change who we are through these practices
41:10
of deciding who our best self is, taking action, showing up as that
41:15
person even when it feels like you know, hard, or even when we
41:19
don't feel like it. But yeah, good question, though, Well what
41:23
a great way to finish us up here? So if somebody wants to get
41:28
a hold of you, learn more about what you're doing, maybe even do
41:32
you know some sessions with you? How should they do that? Yeah,
41:36
So I have a website. It's www dot ortholifecoach dot com, and on
41:43
that website it kind of just spells out a little bit of like, you
41:45
know, what is the coaching process like? And on there you can also
41:51
reach me. There's a contact link that will email me directly or you can
41:57
email at info at ortholifecoach dot And we really just set up like a discovery
42:05
call. You know, coaching is something that personally I really value. So
42:08
I've always had my own coach in addition to coaching others because I'm my best
42:14
version of myself when I have that accountability, when I have someone to kind
42:19
of like push me more than I'm going to push myself. And so the
42:23
first thing we do during that discovery call is really just kind of like decide
42:28
is coaching really what I need right now in my life and kind of just
42:31
determine if it's the right fit, and then we come up with a plan.
42:36
We go through that work life audit, and we come up with a
42:38
strategic plan and we start to create the life that you want for yourself,
42:43
basically, one session at a time through the some of the principles that we
42:47
talked about today, but a lot others as well well. Robert, it
42:51
has been a joy having you on the show once again, and I know
42:57
that you know this is probably going to be one of the where people listen
43:00
and re listen because there was just so many pearls that you gave us.
43:06
So as we finish up, just like the last time, I always like
43:08
to finish us up with the Speed Round. Are you ready for Speed Round
43:13
number two? Yes? All right, here we go. Describe your style
43:20
in one word, empowering or Pacific Northwest. If I'm clothing all right,
43:28
what are you listening to or watching right now? Oh, I'm listening to
43:31
the Elon Musk biography. Really really interesting by the way, Yes, anything
43:37
you do just for you. I am obsessed with my hot tub. I
43:43
go in basically every day for the last seven years, every morning, like
43:46
it's dark, just look up at the sky, at the stars and kind
43:52
of just spend some me time before I start my day. How about a
43:54
hidden talent, I'd say astrophotography is kind of something new that I've I've always
44:00
been interested, but I recently started and I feel like I have a little
44:06
gift for it. So it's been it's been really fun. Oh every time
44:08
you post a picture out there, I'm like, oh my gosh, this
44:12
is amazing. So you definitely have a talent. There's more coming and I
44:15
have some. I'm in a process this weekend, the Rosette nebula and the
44:20
Orion nebula. Oh so I'm going to working on those ones. Yes,
44:24
Well, yours is when I'm scrolling, when I'm doom scrolling, I love
44:29
to come across yours because I'm like, oh, this is like zen,
44:31
It's just it's just beautiful. And then to finish us up a big,
44:37
hairy, audacious goal, well, I really want to impact ten million lives
44:42
by helping them create the best life for themselves. Wow, that's wonderful.
44:45
Well, thanks again for being on Haydocks again. Just a great, great
44:50
episode and I know you know our listeners are going to get a lot out
44:53
of it. Thank you, Oh, thank you so much. This has
44:57
been wonderful, Jill. Thank you. Are you ready to start a practice
45:00
of your own? Need a new fresh set of eyes or some advice on
45:04
your existing practice. If so, reach out to me, Jill Allen at
45:07
www dot practice results dot com. If you like what we're doing here on
45:13
Haydocks and want to hear more of this awesome content, be sure and give
45:16
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45:28
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