Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Episode 681: Why You Become More Attractive When You Do No Contact

Transcript

Episode 681: Why You Become More Attractive When You Do No Contact · The Art of Love With Lucia

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  Why is no contact so powerful to get your ex back?
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  Why does it raise your ex's interest level?
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  Why does it make you more attractive?
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  Well, stay tuned and you'll find out.
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  Hi, this is Lucia with the Art of Love.
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  I'm a dating and relationship expert specializing in helping
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  you get your ex back and to get over your ex.
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  Welcome back no contact army. Have you been a good little
• 0:24
  soldier? Well, if you have, then you've
• 0:26
  stayed in no contact with the help of my app Silencio, and you
• 0:31
  can find the link to that underneath every single video
• 0:33
  and podcast. And if you too would like to
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  join our beautiful no contact army, all you have to do is hit
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  the subscribe button and the bell notification and you're in.
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  And to read our manual, go to nocontactsecrets.com where you
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  can read 2 free chapters before you purchase the book.
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  OK, so why do you become more attractive when you do no
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  contact? Well, think of it this way.
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  Just as your ex is now more attractive and desirable to you
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  because they stepped away from you, you also become more
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  attractive when you take a step back.
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  And that step back for the person who was dumped, probably
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  you, means that you do not attempt to contact your ex.
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  Because everyone who breaks up with someone, they expect
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  resistance from their ex and they expect them to contact them
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  at some point. And when you go against that,
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  we'll call it a natural law, you instantly become more attractive
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  because your ex is going to wonder why.
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  Why did you not fall in line and do what 99% of people naturally
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  do after a breakup? Well, little do they know that
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  you joined the no contact army. That space creates desire.
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  When someone doesn't need you, that's attractive.
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  Everyone has a desire to be free.
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  And when you feel that someone needs you, you feel a loss of
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  freedom because now you have to take that other person's
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  feelings into consideration. You're not totally free to do
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  what you want. And of course, that's fine when
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  you're in a relationship, but when your interest has gone down
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  or when you're no longer with that person, their neediness, in
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  this case, continuing to contact them, it feels like a prison.
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  And when you're not needy, after you've been dumped, you become
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  more attractive because now the person feels free when they
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  think about you, they're not thinking, oh God, is he going to
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  call me again? Is she going to text me again?
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  You're not doing anything. So they're going to feel great,
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  at least in the beginning, but then they're going to start to
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  get curious and they may even feel guilty for dumping you.
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  So they'll reach out to find out what the heck is going on.
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  And this is when the bread crumbs start.
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  And if you've been listening to me for a while, then you know
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  that we don't respond to bread crumbs.
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  And in fact, I did a whole video on bread crumbs and I will put
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  the link on YouTube in the upper right hand corner.
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  When you do no contact and you leave your ex alone, the
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  unspoken message that you're sending is that you are no
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  longer relying on them for your happiness or validation.
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  You may want them in your life, but you don't need them.
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  This is attractive because it shows inner strength and we all
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  want to be with someone who's mentally and emotionally strong
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  instead of someone whose feelings we constantly have to
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  babysit and walk on egg shells. And someone who isn't always
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  available has a magnetic pole. So by stepping back and leaving
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  them alone, you're giving them a chance to recognize your value
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  in their life. And they can't do that if you're
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  still in touch after the breakup.
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  Distance raises desirability. That's why long distance
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  relationships are often very exciting, because you don't have
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  access to that person 24/7. You can't just drive over to
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  their house at the spur of the moment, so when you're you are
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  no longer answering their texts or calls, your value goes up.
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  By being and no contact, you're showing that you're not needy
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  because neediness always repels, whether it's in business or
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  personal relationships, and constantly needing approval or
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  validation pushes people away. So the more that you take a step
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  back and just let things happen naturally, the more likely you
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  are to get the outcome you're looking for, which in this case
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  is to get your X back by creating space.
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  When you're stepping back, you're also creating desire.
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  It shows that you know your worth and you're comfortable
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  with the space that currently exists between you and your X.
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  When you take a step back, you allow your X to take a step
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  forward. You give them a chance to miss
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  you and recognize your value, and when that happens,
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  attraction is inevitable. Your ex can't help but be more
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  attracted to you, even if outwardly it would seem that
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  they still feel the same about you and don't want to have
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  anything to do with you or very little to do with you.
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  But meanwhile, we don't know what's simmering under the
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  surface. Being able to go no contact and
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  stay in no contact. It shows emotional restraint.
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  You can't control your emotions, but you can control the
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  reactions to your emotions. However, most people have not
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  learned how to do this and are very reactive.
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  That's why people often hate to break up with their partner in
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  person because they anticipate an emotional confrontation and
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  they want to avoid that, especially if they're an
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  avoidant. However, if you controlled
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  yourself when your ex broke up with you and continued to do
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  that after the breakup by leaving them alone and giving
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  them the breakup, that instantly makes you more attractive.
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  And as I mentioned in my video about my breakup titled well, my
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  breakup, I'll put the link in the upper right hand corner.
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  When the guy broke up with me, I immediately answered with a text
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  saying I agreed with a breakup and I wished them the best.
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  And guess who reached out two weeks later?
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  No it wasn't me, it was him. So not being reactive and
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  stepping back is a sign of strength.
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  And who doesn't want to be with someone who's strong right?
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  They can't help but respect you and your ex can't be attracted
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  to you and want you back unless they respect you.
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  There's many people who would have gotten their ex back if
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  they had just shut up and left them alone instead of constantly
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  hounding them to get back together, but unfortunately they
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  didn't and they ruined their chances.
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  So the person who's calm and in control is very magnetic, and
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  when you go no contact and stick to it, that's exactly what
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  you'll be. The great thing is that the more
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  you practice restraint in all aspects of your life, the easier
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  it is to do that way. The next time someone breaks up
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  with you, hopefully there won't be a next time, but if there is,
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  then you wouldn't dream of being reacted reactive.
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  You'll actually be proactive, accept a breakup with class and
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  dignity, wish them well, and it's quite possible that they
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  will immediately start to regret breaking up with you.
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  Because we can't help but be naturally drawn to people who
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  are so self assured that they can handle a breakup like that.
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  And the number one quality that people look for in a partner is
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  confidence. Nothing shows confidence more
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  than being rejected and willingly accepting the
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  rejection rejection and walking away in silence.
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  What you're doing is you're sending the silent message that
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  your value does not depend on someone's approval and presence
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  in your life. And this especially holds true
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  if you have an anxious attachment style and you were
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  anxious and needy in the relationship.
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  Your ex is going to wonder what the heck happened all of a
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  sudden. Whereas before you couldn't stay
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  away from them and now you're not needy.
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  And that curiosity will make them reach out sooner rather
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  than later. And if you then ignore their
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  messages, unless it's something significant, their desire and
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  attraction for you can only go up.
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  It's like you're a totally different person.
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  They'll ask themselves who are they, what happened?
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  I don't even recognize them anymore.
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  And it's funny because my coaching clients, I tell them
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  what to say when they're texting with an X and if they have to
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  interact with them. And more often than not, the X
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  will say something like, why are you acting weird?
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  Why are you acting like this? I've never heard you talk like
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  this before. They're confused because, well,
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  it's not their X's words that they're reading or hearing.
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  It's my words through my client. But hey, they don't know that.
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  So they're confused and they start to question themselves and
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  whether they made the right decision and breaking up.
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  And that's the first step to getting back together.
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  When it comes to relationships, the less you need someone, the
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  more likely they are to want to stay with you or to come back.
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  As I've mentioned in another video before, the two guys who
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  wanted to marry me were the guys I did the least for.
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  I was never needy in any sense of the word.
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  I never complained about how much or how little time we spent
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  together because I'm always busy doing my own thing.
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  And the only reason we broke up was because I was the one who
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  didn't want to commit. It's a law of human nature that
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  people value what's not easily obtainable.
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  And when you do no contact and don't respond to bread crumbs,
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  you're no longer easily obtainable.
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  And yes, I know they broke up with you and don't want you
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  anymore. However, in the back of every
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  dumper's mind, they feel that they could easily get their X
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  back if they wanted to. So by staying silent, the
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  message you're giving is that no, you're actually not so
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  easily attainable anymore. You're no longer a sure thing.
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  And I think that has a lot to do with ego.
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  It's like, what? How dare you not be available
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  for me at the drop of a hat when I'm the one who dumped you?
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  I'm going to change your mind and you're going to give back to
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  being that person who needed me and wanted me.
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  You're now a challenge. So when you're dating someone,
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  what is more intriguing, someone who constantly bombards you with
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  texts every day, or the person who rarely texts or calls?
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  You're going to be interested in the second person, the one who
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  rarely texts or calls not because of what they say and do,
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  but because of what they don't say and do.
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  We're just naturally attracted to people who don't need us.
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  The second person isn't clawing for attention and approval, so
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  they come across as a blessing, not a burden.
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  And hey, who couldn't use more blessings in their life, right?
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  So remember, the less you chase, the more you attract.
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  When you make yourself hard to access, you become more
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  desirable. So stop giving your time,
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  energy, and attention to just anyone, especially someone who
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  dumped you. When you're not attached to the
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  outcome, the outcome often falls in your favor.
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  The universe favors the bold. So get out there, be bold, and
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  stay in no contact until your ex says something significant.
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  And now I'd like to hear from you.
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  How long have you been in no contact and how is it going?
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  And if you would like my help to get your ex back, you can
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  contact me at theartoflove.net and we will send you the rates.
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  And the direct link to that is underneath every single video
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  and podcast. And I am available seven days a
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  week, 16 hours a day. And if you found this video
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  helpful, please like, subscribe and share.
• 12:19
  If you're listening to this as a podcast, please rate and review.
• 12:23
  And finally, remember, love inspires, empowers, uplifts and
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  enlightens.