Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Coach a Struggling Team Member
Transcript
- Lucas: You've been a manager for maybe six weeks. You've got a team member — let's call her Sarah — who is smart, well-liked, and consistently missing deadlines. Not by a day or two. By a week. And the quality is slipping. You've mentioned it in passing, but nothing's changed. Luna: That's a stomach-drop feeling. You know you need to coach her, but you're not sure where to start without sounding like you're piling on. Lucas: Exactly. And the instinct for a lot of new managers is to either wait — hoping it resolves itself — or to jump straight to a performance improvement plan. Both are usually wrong. Today I want to walk through a practical coaching framework I used when I was a first-time manager in a retail operations group. We had a guy named Marcus who was brilliant at data but could not finish a report on time. Luna: What was the framework? Lucas: Three stages. First, diagnose the root cause. Is it a skill gap, a motivation issue, or a resource problem? With Marcus, it turned out he was spending 60 percent of his time on ad hoc requests from other teams because he couldn't say no. That's a resource and boundary problem, not a lack of effort. Luna: So the solution wasn't 'work harder.' It was 'protect your time.' Lucas: Right. Second stage — you set a clear, short-term goal with a specific outcome and a deadline. I told Marcus: 'For the next two weeks, I want your weekly inventory report done by Thursday at 3pm. If other teams ask you for help, tell them to come to me.' That took the ambiguity out of it. Luna: And the third stage? Lucas: You follow up with a structured check-in. Not 'how's it going?' — that invites vague answers. You ask: 'Show me where you are on the report. What's blocking you? What do you need from me?' And you do that every week until the behavior becomes habit. With Marcus, it took about three weeks before he was hitting the deadline consistently. Luna: But what if it's not a resource or boundary issue? What if the person genuinely doesn't have the skill? Lucas: Then coaching looks different. You shift to modeling and practice. For example, if Sarah is missing deadlines because she can't prioritize, you sit down together and walk through her task list. You literally show her how you'd order it. Then you ask her to do the next week's list on her own and review it together. Luna: That's more time-intensive upfront, but it builds the capability rather than just patching the symptom. Lucas: Exactly. And here's the thing — a lot of new managers skip the diagnosis entirely. They assume it's a motivation problem, so they lean on consequences. But if the root cause is skill or resource, consequences just create fear, not improvement. Luna: One of the episodes we did earlier on feedback culture touched on this, but I want to push on something: how do you know when coaching is failing? When do you escalate? Lucas: Great question. I think there are two clear signals. First, if you've gone through two cycles of the three-stage framework — so about four to six weeks — and there's no improvement. Second, if the person is consistently defensive or unwilling to engage. At that point, you need to move to a formal performance improvement plan, which is a different conversation. Luna: And that PIP conversation should be clear, documented, and kind. Not punitive. Lucas: Absolutely. The goal of coaching is to help someone succeed. The goal of a PIP is to either get them back on track or create a fair off-ramp. But the majority of cases — I'd say 70 percent — can be resolved with good coaching if you catch it early. Luna: Speaking of catching it early — a listener wrote in with a specific scenario. They became a manager three months ago, and one of their former peers — now a direct report — has been late to every team meeting. Not by much, but consistently. The listener is worried about damaging the friendship by addressing it. Lucas: That's a classic new-manager dilemma. And the mistake is to let it slide because it feels small. But small behaviors compound. If you don't address punctuality, they'll think other expectations are flexible too. The fix is a direct, private conversation. Something like: 'Hey, I've noticed you've been arriving a few minutes late to our stand-ups. Is there something going on? I need everyone on time so we can respect the group's time.' Luna: No accusation. Just observation and a request. Lucas: Exactly. And you frame it around the team, not your authority. That preserves the relationship while setting the standard. Luna: Before we go deeper on that, I want to mention something. We deliberately run this show without ads. No sponsored segments, no affiliate links. The only reason we can do that is because some listeners choose to support us directly. If you've found value in the episodes — maybe a tip that helped you handle a tough conversation, or a framework you actually used — and you want to keep it ad-free, you can find us at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It's a small way to keep this going. Lucas: Yeah, and we really mean it when we say no pressure. The content stays free regardless. But that support helps us spend time on episodes like this one, with real case studies and practical tools. Luna: Alright, back to the listener question. So you've had the conversation about punctuality. What if it doesn't change? Lucas: Then you escalate slightly. You say, 'We talked about being on time last week. I noticed you were late again today. Can you help me understand what's getting in the way?' That's stage two — you're digging for the root cause. Maybe they have a scheduling conflict, or they're struggling with the transition from peer to report. Luna: And if they say 'it's no big deal'? Lucas: Then you get more explicit. 'I consider it a big deal because it affects the team's rhythm. I need you to be on time starting tomorrow. If something comes up, let me know in advance.' That's not harsh — it's clear. And clarity is kind. Luna: I want to zoom out. You mentioned a three-stage framework for coaching. Can we summarize it for someone who needs to remember it tomorrow? Lucas: Sure. Stage one: diagnose. Is the root cause skill, motivation, or resource? Stage two: set a specific, measurable goal with a deadline. Stage three: follow up weekly with a structured check-in — 'show me, what's blocking, what do you need.' Repeat until the behavior sticks, or until you see that it's not working. Luna: And if it's not working after two cycles, you move to a PIP. Lucas: Yes. And one more thing — keep a simple log. After each check-in, write down the date, what you agreed on, and whether they met the goal. That documentation protects both of you. Luna: That's a great habit. I think a lot of new managers avoid coaching because it feels awkward. But the alternative — hoping the problem goes away — is worse. Lucas: Much worse. The problem will not go away. It will grow. Coaching is the investment you make early to save yourself a much harder conversation later. Luna: Alright, next episode we'll talk about how to handle a team member who is outperforming you — which is a different kind of challenge. Until then, good luck with those coaching conversations. Lucas: And remember: your job as a manager is not to have all the answers. It's to help your team find theirs.