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Why You Go 100% Then Completely Crash | 037 · Quick Wins for ADHD Moms - Short Episodes, Real Solutions for Burnout and Overwhelm

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: So the idea hits and you are gone.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: You're researching until 2 a.m.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: You're texting people your vision at 7 a.m.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: You're building the thing, shaping the thing, now you're branding it, and it feels so good that you just can't understand why everyone doesn't operate this way all the time.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: You cancel plans because you're in the zone.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: You forget to eat, or maybe you are eating while you're in the zone.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: You tell your husband, just give me 20 more minutes, six times in a row, because you are in the zone.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: And then one day it stops.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: Not gradually, not with a warning.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: It stops the way a car stops when it runs out of gas.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: You're going a hundred miles an hour, and then you're on the side of the road going absolutely nowhere all of a sudden.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Staring at everything you just built, thinking, why did I start this?
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Why did I say yes to all of this?
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: Who's gonna take over now?
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Because I can't.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm done.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: I am done.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: If that sounds familiar to you, stay with me today because there's a pattern here.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: And once you can see it, actually name the phases and recognize where you are in that crazy cycle, everything can change.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Not because the cycle disappears, but because you can stop being blindsided by it.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, I'm Jessica Lynn Lewis, and this is Quick Wins for ADHD moms, the show that gives your brain one small win so it can actually work today.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: Here's yours.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Today's quick win is actually two things that work together.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: The first is a 30-second check-in.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: The second one is a sentence to have ready.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: All right, the 30-second check-in.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Right now, in this moment, where are you?
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't mean physically, but where are you mentally?
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself these three questions.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: One, am I excited about more things than I have time for?
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Two, have I stopped doing the basics?
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: Sleeping enough?
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: Eating actual meals, connecting with the people I love.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: And three, does this idea of slowing down feel genuinely impossible right now?
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: If you answered yes to all three of these things, we need to talk because you are in the cycle.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: All right, and here's the sentence.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: Before you say yes to anything this week, any idea, any project, any opportunity, and that is coming from a coworker, a boss, a friend, a church volunteer position, your own ideas, projects, or opportunities.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: Before you say yes to anything, try saying this instead.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: I love that idea.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: Let me think about it.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to say no.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: You just have to buy yourself 24 hours.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: And that pause is where your whole brain gets to show up, not just the part that's flooded with dopamine and waving its hand to say yes, yes, I'll help.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: In just a minute, I'm going to explain exactly why that pause matters so much and why your ADHD brain is wired to skip it entirely.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about this cycle because it has phases, the real predictable phases.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: And once you know what they look like, you'll start seeing them in yourself.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to name all four phases right now, and then we're going to dive into each one.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: Phase one is the spark, phase two is the dive, phase three is the depletion, and phase four is the crash.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: So let's dive into that a little bit.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: Phase one is the spark.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: The idea hits.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe someone asks for your ideas in a meeting and you light up because you love brainstorming.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're in the shower and the whole thing downloads everything all at once.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: Your brain is flooded with dopamine, and that's the neurochemical that drives motivation and reward.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: And it feels electric.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: You feel capable, alive, like you were made for exactly this.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: And the thing is, you probably were, probably are.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: ADHD brains are built for visionary thinking, for seeing possibility before other people can, for connecting dots, most people miss.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why people come to you because they know you can see the possibility, they know you can connect dots, they know that you can troubleshoot.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: So that phase is real.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: The spark isn't a lie.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, researchers have found that up to 70% of people with ADHD experience all or nothing thinking, which means most of us aren't wired to go all in on an idea.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: We're wired to go all in or not at all.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: There's no dimmer switch, it's just on.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: So phase two is the dive.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: You go in hard.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: You're in creation mode, you're shaping the thing, building the thing, ideas are turning into actions, and you can hold the whole vision in your head and execute on all of it at once.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: This is your zone.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: This is what you are good at.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where ADHD hyperfocus is genuinely a superpower.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: I can attest to this because I have done this, all parts are running, I'm going 200%, and it feels good to be in this phase.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: Phase three is the depletion, and it's a sneaky one because the signs are there.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: You're tired, maybe you're skipping meals, you're staying up way too late and getting up way too early.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: You're passing the baton with your husband who's picking up which kid, which night, without actually connecting with them.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's just logistics and about schedule.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: You're near the people you love, but you're not present with them.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know if you do this too, but self-care is the first thing to go.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: And your brain is telling you that's fine because look at how much you're getting done.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: Look how exciting this is.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: But here's what the research actually shows.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: ADHD brains have a harder time reading their own physical signals.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: We are really good at overriding fatigue or overriding hunger or overriding the body saying, hey, this isn't sustainable, because the dopamine from the project is louder than all of that.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: And people with ADHD are 50% more likely to experience burnout than neurotypical adults.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: 50%.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's almost every single person listening to this episode right now.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: Raise your hand if you have experienced burnout.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're in it right now.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Phase four is the crash.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't always look that dramatic.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's just stillness.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like deer in the headlights moment, looking around at everything you've created, everything is slow-mo, and you're like, why am I here?
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: What am I doing?
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Why did I say yes to all of this?
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: How did I get here?
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: On one of my burnout cycles, I remember sitting on my bed, a deer in the headlights look, and I was like, I am done.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: I can't do this anymore.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: Someone else has to take over.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm out, I'm done.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: And what I want you to hear right now is that that crash, don't look at it as a failure.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's just your nervous system finally forcing a stop your brain would never have chosen to do on its own.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because for ADHD brains, the silence, the slow, it's really uncomfortable.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: So the cycle isn't happening because you're irresponsible.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's happening because your brain is constantly reaching for stimulation, for creation, for motion.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because motion is regulation.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: The problem is that there's no time left for slow.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: It just ramps up and all of a sudden you're going at lightning speed.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: And then you stop mid-journey and look around, like, wait, wait, why am I here?
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: Why did I start this?
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: So, how do you catch yourself before phase four, the crash?
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because by the time the crash happens, you don't really have choices anymore.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: The choice window is in phase three, maybe late phase two and a half.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: So here's what you can look for.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: Look for the tiredness, the yawning.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: Look for the relationship signals.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Are you just in logistics mode with people you love instead of actually connection mode?
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: Are you present with your kids or just near them?
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: Are you eating actual meals, well-balanced meals, or just grabbing whatever requires zero thought?
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: So when you catch yourself in the middle of these things, when you're just passing the baton instead of actually talking and connecting, when you notice you haven't sat down for a real conversation in days, that's your signal.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's an information signal.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm in phase three.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: I need to create some slow before my body creates it for me.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: The second piece is learning to sit between the idea and the yes.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: So here's something that changed how I thought about this.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: Your ADHD brain gets a hit of dopamine just from committing to something new.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: Before you've done anything, just from saying yes, yes, let's do that.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: That sounds fun and exciting.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: Which means you feel great in the moment.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: And your brain has already moved on to imagining the outcome.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: And the actual work hasn't even started.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: You're actually chasing the yes, but not the work.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Ouch, that kind of hit me hard.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: So when someone brings you an idea and you feel that rush, that is exactly the moment to use this sentence.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: I love that idea.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: Let me think about it.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: Or you could say something like, I'm really excited about this.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm already committed to something else right now.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Can I come back to you?
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: Again, you're not saying no.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: You're building in 24 hours where the dopamine can settle and your actual executive function can weigh in.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: That part of your brain, you know, the part that knows your capacity and what season you're in and what you've already promised, it can't be heard when the dopamine is yelling, yes.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: So practice that phrase before you need it.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: I love that idea.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: Let me think about it.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm really excited about that.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: That sounds amazing.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm committed to something else right now.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: Can I get back to you on that?
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: There is nothing that needs an immediate answer unless someone is in danger.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: Probably 99% of the time, you're able to say, Can I come back to you on that?
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: So practice saying that out loud right now.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: Practice saying it out loud.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: I love that idea.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: Let me think about it.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: Love that.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: Let me think about it.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Can I get back to you?
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: Just feel feel how it sits.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: Sit with it.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because when the moment comes, you're gonna need to reach for it without thinking, and you're gonna thank yourself later for not jumping into something else.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: All right, take a breath with me for a second.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to think about how many times you've rebuilt from crash.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: We're really good at it, right?
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: We're really good at rebuilding.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: How many times have you started over?
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: How much energy have you poured into things that felt absolutely certain in phase one?
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: And then all of a sudden you find yourself in another crash.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to hear this.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: You're not someone who can't finish things.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: You're not flaky and you're not irresponsible with your own life.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: You're just someone whose brain runs at a frequency that doesn't have a natural off switch.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: And nobody ever taught you about this cycle.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: So you're learning about all of this all at once.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: And for most of us, we're over 40.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: We've dealt with this all our life, and we're like, wait a minute, there's a cycle.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: There's this cycle I've been in.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: And for a lot of women in this community, and honestly, we are not only women, there's a lot of men who listen as well.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: There's another layer to this.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: Women with ADHD are typically diagnosed years and sometimes decades later than men, which means many of us have already gone through multiple full cycles of boom and crash before we even had a name for what was happening, before we even knew it was a pattern and not a personality flaw.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: So now you know.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, you can't go back and catch all the crashes that already happened, but you can start noticing where you are right now.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: You can practice the pause before the yes.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: You can start treating the slow, like the walks, the meals, the real conversations that aren't logistics, not as things you'll get to do someday, but as the actual maintenance that keeps your engine running.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because what I've learned after burning out so many times and I can count, the crash doesn't happen because you went too fast.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: The crash happens because you ran out of slow.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: Well, if today hit something for you, if you're sitting there thinking, I am absolutely in phase three right now and I didn't even know it, I have something for you.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's the dopamine hit list, a free one-page download with small, sustainable resets organized by time of day, just ideas, things that actually work with your brain chemistry, even though you're gonna read it and say, eh, how does that gonna help?
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: Trust me, it helps when you're running on empty.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a new system, it's not a planner, it's just a list of things that actually can help.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: You can get the dopamine hit list for free at theadhdmom.com.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'll say that again, it's theadhdmom.com.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: And if this episode made you think of someone, maybe a friend, a business partner, a sister, who's absolutely in phase two right now, headed toward three, and has no idea, please share this with her.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: It might be exactly what she needs today.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: Have a lovely week.