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The Art of Receiving · Living & Learning with Aundria McMillan Humphrey

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome to Living & Learning with Aundria McMillan Humphrey.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: This is episode 41, The Art of Receiving.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: I've been thinking about something that sounds remarkably simple, receiving.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Not giving, not offering, not creating something wonderful for someone else, just receiving.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: A compliment, an invitation, a helping hand, a gesture of kindness, an expression of love.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: You would think that something so pleasant would come naturally to us.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: But does it?
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: How often have you complimented someone only to hear them immediately dismiss it?
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, this old thing.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it was nothing.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: You're just being so kind.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Or perhaps you've offered to help someone who clearly needed assistance,
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: only to be told, oh, no, I'm fine, I can manage.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: I've certainly heard those words, and I've probably said some of them myself.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: We learn so much about the importance of giving.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: We're encouraged to be generous, thoughtful, helpful, and considerate of others.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: We celebrate those who give freely of their time, resources, and talents, and rightly so.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: But somewhere along the way,
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: some of us begin to feel more comfortable being the giver than the receiver.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: Giving allows us to feel useful, capable, independent, perhaps even in control.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: Receiving asks something different of us.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: It asks us to make room for another person's generosity.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes that can feel surprisingly vulnerable.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: I've spent much of my life creating spaces where people can gather,
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: learn, share, and feel welcomed.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: I love doing that.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: There is enormous satisfaction in bringing people together and watching connections unfold.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: But recently,
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: I've been reminded of the pleasure of allowing other people to create something
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: for me.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: As my birthday approached, friends began making plans to celebrate.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: One offered breakfast,
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: another arranged a gathering,
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: and I found myself surrounded by people who simply wanted
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: to express their affection.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: There was nothing I needed to organize, nothing I needed to earn.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: My part was just to show up and receive.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: And that got me thinking.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: Why do we sometimes behave as though accepting kindness creates a debt?
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Someone does something lovely for us and immediately we begin thinking about how to repay them.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, reciprocity is part of healthy relationships.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: We care for one another.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: We take turns.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: We notice each other's needs.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: But must every gift be balanced by an equal gift?
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: Must every kindness be repaid before we can even enjoy it?
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: What if we simply said, thank you.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: That means so much to me.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: And allow those words to be enough.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: I think receiving well is itself a kind of generosity.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: When someone offers us something from the heart,
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: accepting it graciously allows that person to experience the joy of giving.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: We don't want to diminish that gesture,
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: apologize for needing it, or rush to make the relationship even.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: We can simply let the kindness land.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, Receiving isn't always easy.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: For someone who has spent years being self-reliant,
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: accepting help may feel like surrendering independence.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: For someone who has experienced disappointment or betrayal,
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: trusting another person's generosity may require courage.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: And for those of us who have grown accustomed to being the strong one,
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: The organizer,
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: the problem solver, the person others turn to, receiving care can feel unfamiliar.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: And perhaps that unfamiliarity is worth exploring.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because there is a difference between being independent
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: and believing we must do everything alone.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: There is a difference between being generous and being unable to accept generosity.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: And there is a difference between giving freely and giving
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: because we believe our worth depends upon always having something to offer.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: I've come to appreciate relationships in which giving and receiving move naturally
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: in both directions.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I'm the one preparing the welcome.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes someone else is saving a chair for me.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I offer encouragement.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I need to hear a few encouraging words myself.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes the greatest gift is simply knowing that I don't have to do anything
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: at all to deserve a place among people who care about me.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: I wonder how much joy we miss when we resist receiving it.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: A compliment brushed aside.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: An invitation declined because we don't want to inconvenience anyone.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: An offer or help refused because we believe we should be able to manage.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: An expression of affection met with embarrassment rather than delight.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: What if we practiced receiving with the same intention we bring to giving?
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: Not taking, not expecting, not demanding.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: Simply remaining open.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: Open to kindness.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: Open to appreciation.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Open to the possibility that other people may find as much pleasure in caring for us
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: as we find in caring for them.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: Perhaps the art of receiving begins with two small words.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Not thank you, but you shouldn't have.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: Not thank you, but it was nothing.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Just thank you.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: And perhaps a smile.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: So here's something I'd like you to consider.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: When was the last time someone offered you a kindness that you had difficulty accepting?
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: What made receiving it uncomfortable?
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: And what might change if the next time someone offers something from the heart,
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: you allow yourself to enjoy it fully?
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: After all, life isn't only about what we have to give.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes its sweetest moments arrive when we open our hands, open our hearts to receive.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: This has been Living & Learning with Aundria McMillan Humphrey.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, keep living, keep learning, and keep becoming.